Well, I'm back. Sorry about the desperate beg for feedback last chapter, I just love to hear from you guys. Thanks for all the responses, I really appreciate it all. Really quick, I just want to say that two stories that I LOVE to read are Next Window Please and Devotion, so go check those out, but read this chapter of my story first!!! Anyway, same old routine, if you're under 18, don't get caught, or leave. For as much as I'm in love with *NSYNC, I don't know them or their sexualities, it's all hopeless dreams. Thanks again for reading, and on with the show...............
I Need Love: Chapter VIII
A heavy dreamless sleep took me after several minutes crumpled in front of JC and Lance's door. I slept there in the hall, tossing and turning, the night's events never giving me rest. I woke up about every fifteen minutes, sometimes gasping for breath, sometimes just sobbing. It felt like an eternity when I checked my watch and found the time to be 7:38 in the morning. In one last-ditch effort to get some sleep, I curled up against the door and shut my eyes.
Finally drifting off, suddenly I felt my support disappear and I fell to the floor. Lying flat on my back halfway in the room, I looked straight up into Lance's face. He offered me a hand, and I pulled myself up with his help. He had a solemn look on his face.
"We need to talk," he said, his voice even and cold.
Oh shit, I thought. Well, I guess I deserve it.
"I think it's best for everyone if we go our separate ways. Here's $5,000 to forget about everything that's happened the past days, and I'll need you to sign this."
All this was coming so fast, so much at once. Oh God, I blew it. Man did I fuck up this time. There was no sense in arguing. I signed the paper and pushed past Lance into the room. I grabbed my bag, and with a single tear-filled glance back at a sleeping JC, I rushed out. Without a good-bye to Lance, I stalked down the hall and into the elevator.
I sank down against the wall once inside, everything catching up with me. My big break in life, a chance to do something I would really enjoy, all down the drain because of my stupidity. I needed a new start, I couldn't stay in this city. And I knew there was only one place that I would be able to do it. The hellhole that I tried so hard to get away from: Home sweet home.
Weeks went by slowly and painstakingly. Small Midwestern towns aren't exactly the hotspots for getting your mind off things. I mindlessly went through my life, trying hard not to think of anything, just going through the motions. I became, for the most part, a zombie.
I was staying in my sister's apartment on her couch. I didn't even bother telling my family I was back in town. I took up my old job at an ice cream place and started working as much as possible. People there kept asking what was wrong and wouldn't believe me when I said nothing. When I wasn't working I slept, watched TV, listened to music. I rarely went out. Nothing was the same anymore.
So there I was, restocking spoons at the front counter of the shop, keeping to myself as usual. It was still fairly cold outside, so it wasn't a really busy afternoon. I heard a tap and the window and pushed it open.
"May I help you?" I said in the monotone voice I favored at the time.
"We need to talk."
The familiar deep voice immediately made me swing my head up to stare into pale green eyes. I flinched at the sight of him.
"I swear Lance, I didn't tell anyone about anything," I said defensively, assuming the only imaginable reason why he would be there.
"I know. But we need to talk," he said flatly.
At that time I heard a crash from behind me. I turned around to see one of my coworkers gawking at Lance. At her feet were dishes that she had been carrying to the sink until she caught sight of the singer and dropped them.
"I'm taking a break," I told her. "I'll be back."
She just nodded at me wide-eyed and openmouthed. I headed out the door and had Lance follow me to a storage shed for the shop. As we entered and I turned on the line, I wheeled around to start explaining what had happened that fateful night and apologize for everything.
I was cut short by Lance immediately speaking.
"Do you realize he doesn't remember a thing that happened?" Lance asked.
"Justin?"
"Yeah. I hinted about it, but nothing seemed to register." He paused for a moment. "Are you gay?"
I was caught off-guard by that question. Did he have to be so blunt? Some people had no tact whatsoever. "I'm bi," I said, looking down to the ground. I refused to make eye contact with him.
"So did that thing with Justin mean anything to you?"
What the hell? Why would he care about that? "Um...I guess not. I guess I was just really drunk and horny," I replied, blushing slightly as a said the last few words.
Awkward pause. Ugh, the tension was THICK in there. Lance finally started up again. "So...............why did you sleep outside of our door that night?"
Hell. What do I say now? Do I tell him I'm madly in love with his good friend and band-mate? Fuck me. "Uh...........I guess.........uhm....I wanted to apologize to JC for what happened," I finally managed, keeping my eyes downcast.
Again silence. But this time Lance didn't disturb it again. After a few moments, I began to look up. Lance had a twinkle in his eyes and the beginnings of a smile curling the sides of his lips. How utterly confusing!!!
"What?" I said, completely baffled.
"Oh, you poor, poor fools," he said, giggling slightly. "You do realize you have to come with me now, right? When do you get off work?"
"What? In five minutes, but what do you mean go with you? Go with you where?" I asked. He's not telling me something I should know, I decided. Agh!! It hurts my head!!
He grinned at me. "Back to the tour, silly." I still stared back blankly. "You CAN'T tell me you don't know why........"
"I don't have the slightest clue what you're talking about," I confessed.
"For Pete's sake!!! You two are HOPELESS!!!!" he exclaimed, grabbing my wrist and pulling me out the door. Us two? What on God's green earth was he talking about? "Come on, you're shifts over," he said, glancing down at his watch, "giving us just enough time to get your stuff and make our flight to Houston."
"Why?!?!?!" I pleaded for him to tell me. But again, he refused to give me a straight answer.
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I sat on the plane trying to concentrate on the book I was reading, but it just wasn't happening. I still had yet to figure out what would possess Lance to drag me back. He was in the seat next to me, listening to a CD and doing a crossword puzzle. He still hadn't told me anything about it. Suddenly he turned to me with a light in his eyes and pulled his bag out from under his seat. Rummaging through his belongings for a moment, the blonde finally pulled out a small bottle of cologne and handed it to me.
"Here, put this on," he said.
I read the label, finding out it was Curve. "Why?" I said, even more confused than before.
"Just trust me," he said, smiling.
I nervously spritzed a little on my wrists and neck and tried to hand him the bottle back.
"Well, you gotta put on more than THAT!" he said, taking the bottle from me. He pointed it first down the front of my shirt, then the back, spraying a good 3 times each time. By the time he was done, I was sure everyone on the whole plane could smell me. "Perfect," he grinned.
I sighed loudly. Again with the crazy talk. Just what had I gotten myself into??
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As I stepped off the elevator in the hotel with Lance, I felt a trickle of sweat roll down the back of my neck. I was such a fool. I'd been to Texas before, I should've known it would be hot. But there I was, wearing jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, burning up. Or was that REALLY the reason I was sweating. Maybe it was the fact that I was about to face JC, and I had yet to figure out why Lance was so anxious to get me there.
Lance left me standing there in front of JC's room, alone to fend for myself. Apparently JC now had a room to himself and Lance and Justin were sharing this time around. I stood there, hesitating to knock, not exactly knowing what I would say anyway. A million things and nothing at all ran through my mind.
I raised my hand to knock just as the door swung open and JC crashed right into me, sending us both to the floor. He scrambled up and mumbled apologies. Offering me a hand to help me up, he finally recognized who I was.
"Oh.......hi," he said despondently. It was obvious that I was the last person he wanted to see at that moment.
"Hi," I said. "Long time no see."
"Yeah, I guess."
"Can I come in," I asked, "or were you headed out?"
"I guess........" he said, sliding over and allowing me to pass into the room. There were clothes strewn about everywhere and the bed was un-made. I sat in a chair near the bed, moving a shirt and some pants off of it first. JC sat opposite me on the bed, giving me the first good look at his face. The sight made my heart drop. It was pale, and his eyes were blood-shot. I was under the impression he had been crying, and it wasn't the first time he had been doing so recently.
"You don't look so good," I said in a concerned voice.
"I'm fine," he said evasively. "What brings you here?" he asked suspiciously.
"Actually, Lance brought me here. Somehow he tracked me down. Then he dragged me here, insisting I would know why."
JC looked up, and I thought I caught a faint glimmer in his eyes. Odd, I thought. He didn't say anything, though, so I continued on.
"Uhmmm.......I just wanted to say sorry for what happened that one night." Pause. Still no reaction. "I was really drunk, and I didn't know what I was doing. Sorry you had to see it."
Finally he spoke again. "Did it mean anything to you?" he asked timidly.
Bizarre. Lance asked me the same question. Why would it matter to either of them? "No, nothing at all."
He looked me in the eye, saying weakly, "Really?" with a faint touch of hope.
Suddenly everything clicked in my head. The roses. Lance being vague. JC acting weird around me. It all made sense to me. He felt the same way I did. He LOVED me, just as I loved him. And here I was, not noticing any of it. Making out with his best friend in the world. How much pain had I caused him? How could I have been so stupid??? Sitting right in front of me was the man of my dreams, everything I could hope for. He even loved me back, too. And I was completely oblivious to it. I just hope to God it's not too late, I thought.
Reaching out, I silently took his hand from on top of his knee. I gently rubbed the back of it with my thumb, looking deeply into his eyes. I swore I could see straight into his soul at that moment. I felt like I didn't even have to ask the next question. "JC, do you love me?"
A slight look of fear passed over his face, followed by a weak nod. He turned his head, refusing to make eye contact with me. I grabbed his other hand and stood up. He looked up in surprise as I pulled him up to stand in front of me. Inches away from my face, he looked absolutely terrified. I reached up and slowly caressed the side of his face.
"Please don't be afraid," I cooed softly. "I never in a million years thought that this would be happening. My most wonderful dream ever is coming true. This is the best moment of my life. You are the most beautiful person in the world, and I love you more than anything else on Earth." I gently kissed him on the forehead and waited for his reaction.
Finally JC locked eyes with me. A single tear fell down his face and a mirror image of it appeared on mine. "I love you," he finally managed in a raspy voice.
I laced my hands behind his back and pulled him into a heavenly embrace. It felt so right, locked in his arms with nothing in the world affecting us. He gently sobbed on my shoulder while tears of joy silently fell from my eyes. In my head I thanked God for this perfect gift. The world swirled around the two of us. Everything spun in a dizzy haze of ecstasy. My heart fluttered about my chest while I felt JC's pound against me. He slightly sniffled and pulled away slightly to look at my face again.
"I love Curve," he said shakily, his tears finally stopping.
I wiped away the dampness on JC's face. God bless Lance, I thought. I owe him so much. I leaned close to the love of my life, slowly preparing for the kiss of a lifetime. I gently pressed my lips to his. It was a simple kiss, no tongue or anything, but I could feel electricity pulse through every part of my body. It wasn't sexual in any way, just a plain sign of the undying love between the two of us. We stood there, our lips just barely touching in the sweetest action, while time stopped around us.
Time stopped, that is, until we were pulled apart in surprise by a loud and violent knock on the door. Justin's voice came drifting in after it, calling JC's name. JC glanced back to me. I just smiled and squeezed his hand softly.
"Just a minute!!" he called, delicately wiping the remaining wetness from his face. He walked over to the door and pulled it open to find Justin with an impatient look on his face.
"Come on, man!! We're supposed to be downstairs to leave for dinner in like 2 minutes!!!" Justin said hurriedly. He caught sight of me over JC's shoulder. "Oh, hi Chris!! It's been a while, good to see you." Suddenly a knowing smile spread across his face. "Oh God. You didn't." JC just grinned widely like the Cheshire Cat. I blushed slightly, figuring that more than just Lance knew about JC's love for me. "Alright, you two lovebirds take your time and meet us downstairs when you're ready." With a wink he disappeared down the hall.
JC turned and smiled fondly at me, thinking about the teenager. "Justin is just a big kid sometimes. So, are you hungry? The guys and I were gonna go get some food, if you want to come. If you don't, I'll stay here with you. Whatever you want to do."
"I'd love to go with you guys. I just have one question," I said.
"Shoot," JC responded.
"Who DOESN'T know that you are in love with me?"
Another broad smile. Man I love his smile!! "Justin and Lance are the only two. I guess I should tell Joey and Chris soon."
I walked up to him and gave him a quick kiss on his nose. "Come on, hot stuff, let's get going. I'm starving."
JC grabbed his wallet and room key as we walked out the door. Down the hall, I slipped my hand into his and walked on air the rest of the way.
There you go. Everyone's happy. Isn't it exciting?!?!? And you know what hapiness leads to.........sex, Sex, SEX!!!! Now THERE'S something to look forward to. Anyway, feedback would be much appreciated, if you care. Thanks for reading. Tune in next time, same JC time, same JC channel.