*********************************************************** Disclamier : See first chapter *********************************************************** Comment,Questions or Critisicm of the constructive kind go to Madasonaysha@aol.com (mailto:Madasonaysha@aol.com) Quick question : Does anybody know what happend to author of "Superheroes" Brady York and Roman Genisis, author of "Earth As It Is In Heaven"? Author Note At Bottom ************************************************************ Other stories by me
"Around My Way" last updated 3-1-05
"The Handsome Jewish Young Man" last updated 3-6-05
(Both stories can be found in the High School and Interacial sections) *************************************************************
(* Edited with profound gratitude by Zuri author of "Whats Happening To Me")
"I HATE ANTHONY"
BY MADISON AYSHA DANTE
CHAPTER SIX: MONDAY MORNINGS
There was something different about Brian on that cold Monday morning, but Tracy couldn't place it. She couldn't remember the last time that she saw him so happy, but if that wasn't strange enough, Jackson was in a good mood again, too, which was odd. For the last few weeks, Jackson had been walking around with a funky attitude; and then out of the blue, he was back to his old self again. Everyone was glad because he was working everyone's last nerve with his outbursts and sullen behavior. Regina also noticed the change in how he was acting and was really pleased by it. She only hoped that it would stay the same after she had that talk with him that she planned on having later that week.
Jackson and Brian were huddled in the corner by Jackson`s locker, laughing at some dumb joke they heard on Comic View the night before. After the kiss they shared that Saturday afternoon, they talked a while. They resolved few of the issues that it had been brought up. Jackson however never admitted to being gay or even bi-sexual. He did admit to being curious about some things and apologized to Brian if the kiss bothered him. He knew that Brian was into the kiss itself, but could tell that there was little emotion behind. It seemed just physical. Jackson put his heart and soul into that kiss whereas Brian may have put a lot of passion in it; it just wasn't filled with the same passion as Jackson had expected.
That was the perfect opportunity where Brian could have come out. At least that way he would have had someone to confide in and talk to about what was going on with him. But, as much as he cared about Jackson, he just couldn't bring himself to tell him, even after all that happened between them. Jackson, on the other hand, had his suspicions about Brian confirmed, but he didn't let on to Brian that he knew that. He copped-out and said he just wanted to know what it was like to kiss another boy. It was sorta a spur-of-the-moment type thing. Brian willingly accepted his reason and told him that it surprised him, but the kiss didn't bother him at all. He still hadn't admitted to being gay though. Even after everything that had happened between them, he couldn't be sure of how Jackson would take it. Brian didn't think the reaction would be bad, but he thought that it would have only brought out more confusion for Jackson. Brian was partially relieved that things between he and Jackson had been resolved so quickly. He felt that their friendship was too important and one kiss shouldnt change things. True to his words, Brian left Jackson's house later that night, satisfied in the fact that things would stay the same between them, but Jackson was still unsatisfied. He told a bold face lie to Brian. He did feel something when they kissed and all the attraction that he had for him before that had only been intensified by the situation. He was still too afraid of his feelings to admit to them to anyone, and he didnt know if he ever would. `At least Brian was cool about it and didn't trip.' He thought to himself.
Anthony's Monday morning was painful. It hurt him to see Brian. The pain and unease quickly faded and was replaced with his familiar cockiness and arrogance. Brian was nothing to him and he would never be.' He kept telling himself. A part of his past that would stay there. He didn't even like Brian and didn't understand why he felt the way that he did. Subconsciously, he knew what it was. It was jealousy, but that was something he would keep deeply buried. Some things were better left unsaid. He couldn't help from thinking about what he saw. At first, he wasn't even sure of what he thought he saw that afternoon through Carlos's window. Carlos had left him alone in his room to make a booty call to his current girlfriend of the week. It was hot inside of the room, so he went over to open the window. He never realized just how close Carlos's house was next to Jackson's. His eyes quickly swept over Jackson's house. He looked over briefly, and for a second, he thought that he saw Jackson kissing some girl, but his bedroom curtains were blocking out the girls face. Yeah, Jackson's getting some' he thought with a smile. He was about to close the window back when Jackson's curtains blew open wider and he could clearly see that the `girl' who Jackson was getting some from was not a girl, but in fact, it was Brian. His Brian! For a brief moment, hurt washed over him, but that was quickly replaced by rage. He wanted
to run next door and beat the shit out of Jackson, but that would accomplish nothing. `Why do I feel like this still?' he questioned himself. He had no claim to Brian; he hated him. He had to. That was the only way to keep things from getting complicated. Anthony slammed the window down just in time as Carlos strolled back in the room with an evil grin on his face. Anthony knew that Carlos had been successful in convincing his girl-friend to come over, so without being asked, he left. He didn't catch the bus home, but opted to take the thirty minute walk home in the cold. He needed the time to sort out his thoughts.
He hated how overwhelmed he felt by them and how Brian still stayed inside of his heart, no matter how hard he tried to keep him out of it. Deep down, he know nothing would ever keep him out. No matter how many girls or how many times he would tell himself that it was wrong, nothing would change what laid inside of his heart and he knew it. He fought his love for him with hateful words and hateful actions, but no matter how much hatred he pretended to feel, love always won out. He covered his feeling of love with even more hateful words and actions. He had to try that much harder not to feel excited by Brian's presence. He would call him shit face and throw evil glares when really all he wanted to do was embrace him in a kiss and sing him lullabies of I love you`s. All that night Anthony laid awake in bed, unable to sleep once again. He thought about the kiss that he saw between Jackson and Brian. He was plagued with thoughts of what could have been, but what should never be. Those thoughts continued on in his mind for the remainder of the weekend, and it wasn't until that he got to school that morning that the hurt turned to anger once again. He was walking down the hallway and when he saw Jackson and Brian standing around by his locker laughing. His jaws clenched, and he balled fists. He had an intimidating look plastered to his face. He made his way towards them.
"Get the fuck out of my way!" Anthony yelled and startled both Brian and Jackson. Jackson assumed that all the anger was directed for Brian, as it normally was and wanted to spare him from it.
"We cool, we bout to bounce anyway." He replied and was trying to lead Brian away when Anthony addressed them both.
"Shit! Are you two still here? Move!" Anthony yelled, as he bumped his shoulder into Brian's. Caught off guard, he stumbled a little and Jackson went into protective mode. He pushed Anthony back, causing both of their books to crash to the ground. The loud sound that it caused made everyone in the hallway stop and look at them. Anthony wanted nothing more than to send his fist flying into Jackson's face, but knew that they both would get suspended if they were caught fighting. There was a big basketball game coming up in two weeks and they both knew it wouldn't be wise to risk getting uspended and missing it. Anthony mumbled to himself in Spanish and walked away, leaving a confused Brian and an even more confused Jackson standing there.
"What was all that about?" Brian asked Jackson. He always thought that Jackson and Anthony were on good terms, but it seemed that Anthony now hated him almost as much as he hated Brian.
"Yo, man, I don't know, but I'm gonna have to find out later. Lets go, we got to get to class." Jackson replied and they went off to start their day.
The first class that Brian had that morning was math class with Riley, but he wasn't in school that day. Riley had a tendency to skip school a lot, so Brian thought nothing of it. His friend was a cool person, but had a lot of problems that no one, but Brian knew about. Riley's mother was murdered when he was fourteen and his father began to drink to ease away his pain. When he was drunk, Mr. Leary had a tendency to get violent and take his frustrations out on his children. His two older brothers had moved out to avoid their father's wraith, leaving Rye alone for his father to take out his anger on. Many nights Rye would be beaten and degraded by someone who was suppose to love him. He only told Brian because he felt that the two of them were best friends. After Tracy, they were. Brian knew he should tell someone, but Rye begged him not to. He only had one and a half more years until graduation and then he could leave. Rye didn't know where he would go, but anywhere would be better than where he was living. Being one of only a few white people in the city, Rye was the minority. They people felt that whites should be living off in better neighborhoods, and by them living in the ghetto, they must have been worse off then everybody else.
Rye could have easily been one of the kids that got picked on or teased, but he wasn't. He lived in the projects so he had a slight tough side that didn't make him a tough guy, just a little harder than normal. He wasn't angry at the world, but he was saddened by it. His life was depressing, and despite having a few good people to talk to about his problems, he often was consumed with the thoughts that no one could help him. His father was a drunk, a child abuser. He didn't feel that he was smart and didn't know what kind of life he would live once graduation arrived. They way he saw it, he had no skills and saw no opportunities, but he had a lot of ambition. Sometimes he felt that he would be better off dead. In his dark life the only sense of comfort came in the arms of his Nana. His Grandma Jay was a gentle natured woman, who loved him dearly. How someone as kind as wonderful as she was, could ever raise such a man like his father was beyond Rye's comprehension. It was a shame that she had moved down to the south after she retired. Her house was his only salvation and now that was gone.
At lunch, Jackson was still in his jovial mode, despite his run-in with Anthony earlier. It warmed Regina's heart to see him so happy. She just hoped that he would stay that way once she found the courage to break the news to him that she needed to. She couldn't continue to lead him on. She loved him way too much for that.
"You know what show I miss?" Tracy asked Brian who was too busy looking at Jackson eat his lunch to respond immediately.
"Huh? Oh, what show?" He asked.
"I like so miss `Young Americans'. The WB hasn't been the same without it. I mean, yeah it sucked that they took off Roswell and Buffy, but that show was greatly under appreciated."
"Tracy, you watch WAY too much TV-" Brian stopped short in his sentence. Anthony, Carlos and the rest of his lackeys all came up to their table. For a change, Anthony didn't even look at Brian or make any nasty comments. Brian stared up at him curiously. He wondered why he wasn't bothering him that day. At first, Anthony looked at him softly, but then it turned cold into a cold stare. He turned his eyes away and back down to Jackson and his defenses immediately went up. He knew that they were there to talk to him.
"Aye Yo! Jackson, dude, we gotta holler at you for a minute." Carlos said. Jackson looked over at Anthony who stood petulantly next to Carlos. He was throwing ice glares at him and Brian, who ried to pretend that he was engrossed in deep conversation with Tracy. Jackson knew that he was anxious because his fingers were twiddling with his fork. He wanted to bring Brian some comfort, so he directed Carlos and his friends outside of the lunch room and into the bathroom.
"What's up?" Jackson inquired, once he got there.
"We want to know what's the beef between you and Ant is." Reggie said. Anthony looked over and mumbled how much he hated that nick name, but no one paid him any attention.
"There is no beef. HE started tripping out for no damn reason!" Jackson stated. He tried to keep the contempt out of his voice, but he couldn't. He didn't like how Anthony had treated Brian. Now that the two of them had gotten closer, he wouldn't stand for anyone hurting Brian, even if that meant he would have to lose a friend over it. Brian was too important and too special to be treated as if he was garbage.
"ME? You and your little boyfriend started it!" Anthony yelled. That comment sparked something inside of Jackson that made him want to punch him. Anthony knew the depths that his comments went and he preyed on it. Consumed with momentary panic, Jackson retreated for a moment and before he could respond, Carlos nterjected.
"It don't matter who started it, can ya'll just agree to end it? Ya'll two is boys, so stop acting like a bunch of faggots!" He yelled. Anthony knew that he was acting just like that...a faggot. A dirty, little faggot and he wouldn't be that. He couldn't let himself be that. He made an unconscious decision to let bygones be bygones. That was not a life for him and if Jackson wanted to make that mistake, then it was his choice. Carlos was right. They were friends and that's how things should be.
"Yeah, you right. My bad, Jackson." Anthony said and stuck his hand out to slap hands with him. Jackson stood there shocked. Anthony was always the argumentative type and it was out of character for him to be the one to make peace. Despite his apprehension, Jackson slapped his hands as a sign of good faith. Both of them ended up embracing in the `bro-hug' and everything was cool again. Jackson went back to the cafeteria and sat back down. Brian started in with the questions.
"What was all of that about?" He asked Jackson anxiously. He already knew the answer, but he wanted to here him say it anyway. Jackson looked over at Brian and for a brief second, he wanted to smile at how cute he looked with the look of worry etched on his face, but he stopped himself. No matter how much he wanted to be with Brian,
"You know that bullshit this morning at the lockers. Carlos was trying to get us to patch things up." Brian rolled his eyes at the mention of Carlos's name.
"Carlos, Mr. Helpful, huh? Did you guys make up?"
"Yeah, were cool now." Jackson replied. Brian had hoped that Jackson and Anthony wouldn't have made up. So many people seemed to like Anthony and it would have been nice if another person besides himself would have disliked him. Alas, it wasn't about to happen. `Why is HIS life so easy?' Brian asked himself. From the outside looking in, Anthony was a figure that many looked up to. On the surface, he had pretty girlfriends, he was athletic and was popular. But I know that things aren't always as they appear.
English Class: Brian was dreading going there that day. The incident from the other night when Anthony showed up at his house was still fresh in his mind. He questioned himself as to if it really happened. Crazy, he knew it did, but his head was being realistic. There was no reason for Anthony to be at his house that night, yet he had been. There was no mistaking those dark green eyes when the ambulance lights shined on them. Everything has been so weird lately.
Brian arrived to class before everyone else. He realized that he'd forgotten to get his books. He made a mad dash towards the door, and crashed against a strong frame. His body flew back; he was about to fall back when two strong arms grabbed him and prevented the inevitable fall. The familiar smell of sweet, expensive cologne filled his nostrils. There was no need to look up. Brian already knew it was Anthony. Before Anthony could make any comments or insults, Brian mumbled a thank you and dashed past him out of the door. He jogged slowly to his locker and fumbled with the combination. For the life of him, he couldn't remember that damn combinat ion. 22,12,4. No, 22, 4,21....Shit!' The numbers were inside his head; it was just their order that confused him. The bell had rang. And, once again, he was late. No use in rushing now', he thought. So, he took his time. After a few more minutes of struggling, he finally got the locker open. The loud sound of hateful laughter filled his ears. Brian tried to lock up quickly, but it was too late. Carlos had already seen him. Carlos walked right up to Brian and pushed him back against the locker.
"Whadup Faggot!" Carlos snarled. Brian wasn't really afraid of him, only what he knew he could do to him. He was only three or four inches taller than him, so he didn't feel overpowered; he just felt powerless. Brian was never much of a fighter, preferring to be mellow and relaxed rather than belligerent. Carlos had a temper and wasn't afraid to show it. Unlike Anthony, Carlos wouldn't settle for a few exchanges of words. No, he was a man of action.
"I'm not a fag." Brian timidly responded and it wasn't a lie. He was gay, that he already knew, but he was as much as a Faggot as he was a Nigger. He didn't like being called names, but Carlos's voice had immobilized him He just couldn't respond, as much as he wanted to.
"Shut the fuck up...BITCH! Did I tell you to talk. I don't appreciate how you're always getting Ant in trouble. If that wasn't bad enough, your little punk ass trying to start some beef with Jackson and Ant. Dem is my peoples and if you fuck wit my peoples...I'm gonna fuck you up.! Got it?" Carlos said. He had moved his face so close to Brian's, that little flicks of his spit hit him across in his face. You could even see the foamy white saliva against Brian's dark brown skin. Brian was annoyed by the whole situation. He didn't like to feel pushed around, all of that was getting way to old. When he was younger, it was expected. You would think that at almost seventeen, everyone would have grown up by then, but that wasn't the case with most. Carlos, for instance, only grew in his immaturity and need for domination. He was an arrogant son of a bitch and he would never change. He didn't wait for Brian's response, he just walked away. Brian glared at Carlos as he walked away. he asshole even had the nerve to look back at him once he reached the end of the hallway and wink as he pointed his fingers out like he was clicking a gun before turning the corner and walking out of sight.
Brian wanted to scream or throw something out of his frustration, but there was nothing he could do. He went to the bathroom to rinse his face in hopes of cooling down some of the heat that he felt in it. He turned on the faucet and it took a moment for the water to warm up. He splashed some on his face and as he was drying it, he heard the door open. Thinking it might have been Carlos coming back for more, he quickly ducked inside of a stall. He heard the number of a phone being dialed and recognized the voice as Jackson's. Cell phones were prohibited from being used in school so students often would sneak and use them in the bathroom.
Jackson knew if he got caught using his cell phone on school property, it would get taken away. He just needed to call his mother to remind her to pick him up. He loved his mother, but sometimes she could be real dense, always forgetting to pick him up. He was startled by a tap on his shoulder and his fear of getting caught by a teacher was replaced by a smile when he saw Brian's grinning face.
"Sneaking in a minute for your Mom, I see." Brian said startling Jackson who jumped at the sound of someone else`s voice. Brian was back to feeling like his normal, playful self. One of the things Jackson loved...liked...about Brian was his funny personality.
"Yeah Diz! You know how she is with remembering to get me." Jackson replied and the two of them made their way back towards their classes. Brian had a few books in his hand, so Jackson took a few to help him out. He unconsciously walked Brian to his class even though his class was in the opposite direction. An act like that was casually overlooked by Brian. When Brian walked into class, Mr. Rice sharply looked at him, but made no comments on the fact that he was late. The room was noisy with everyone chattering about. Everything inside of the classroom was mixed up. All of the desks were pushed together in groups of two. He scanned the class and saw that his desk was pushed next to Anthony, who was resting his head on the desk. He sat down tentatively next to Anthony who looked up at him briefly before sitting up.
"We have to start working on that assignment." Anthony stated without looking at him. Brian reached down into his bookbag and brought out his notebook, but couldn't find a pen. He riffled through the many pieces of loose paper in his book bag and tried to find one. Anthony noticed and reached over and handed him a pen. Brian looked up at him cautiously and took it. He mumbled a thank you and began to start his paper. It was hard for him to concentrate. Anthony sat so close to him that their legs would occasionally touch. The room was clouded with the sounds of laughter and the other . They didn't know where to start. Unbeknownst to Brian, Anthony was just as nervous working so closely with him. Anthony didn't know what to do either. He was just as lost with how to start the paper. In his eyes, it had to be the stupidest writing assignment that he had ever heard of.
"Well...do you know where to start?" Anthony asked, startling Brian who didn't expect him to say anything.
"Uh...no. This has to be the dumbest assignment that I ever heard of doing." Brian stated and sucked his teeth. Anthony chuckled softly to himself and Brian though he was making fun of him again.
"Oh boy..." Anthony chuckled.
"What now?" Brian stated dully, just waiting to hear Anthony's latest quip at him. Anthony looked over at Brian and saw the anxiety written across his face. Brian looked up at Anthony and for the first time noticed that he still had a few traces of dark brown freckles dancing across his nose and offsetting the flecks of brown in his dark green eyes. The familiar came back again and Brian shyly looked back down at the empty notebook paper that he was trying to find the words to write on.
"Nothing son, I was just saying the same thing." Anthony responded and began to chuckle. The look of confusion on Brian's face only made him laugh harder. Brian looked at him like he had lost his mind and then softly he began to laugh himself. He was unsure as to why he was laughing, but he kept laughing and soon they both were rolled over chuckling for the next minute.
"So, where do you think we should start?" Brian asked after the laughter had died down.
"I really don't know. Where do you think we should start?"
"How about we start with `before I die?' We could write about the friendship that we had that way the reader can get to know some of the back history between us and feel more emotions by my death." Brian stated and Anthony began to laugh again.
"Damn Brian! I forgot how smart you are." Anthony instantly regretted saying those words. He knew that he shouldn't let himself become consumed with the comfort of being around Brian, yet he found it hard not to. It had been so long since the two of them had sat down and shared a laugh and that felt good.
"Well some things never change...Uh, anyway, we don't really have enough time to plot today anyway." Brian stated and looked away. For a moment or so, he felt comfortable around him, but he didn't want to fell that way around him again. He had to push the thought of friendship down to the recesses of his mind.
"What are you doing on Saturday?" Anthony asked and kicked himself. He hadn't meant to say that, but it was just the words came out before he could stop them.
"Uhh...nothing. Why?"
"Well, we should...ummm...like get together. I mean, if you're not busy." Anthony mumbled. Brian's began to tap his fingers on the desk nervously, something that wasn't overlooked by Anthony.
"Oh, sure okay...what time?"
"I have a game at six that night so how about we do it like one that afternoon?"
"Sure that's fine. Do you want to exchange numbers?" Brian asked and Anthony nodded as he jotted down his number. They both exchange numbers and each silently thought The number is still the same.' With only a few minutes left to kill before the bell rung, Mr. Rice told everyone to put their desks back and for everyone to go back to their seats so he could take roll call one last time. Anthony and Brian's eyes meant as they both stood up to help organize the class. They both smiled. Anthony moved to sit back in his seat. Brian looked over his shoulder and their eyes briefly meant before each looked away. Brian thought to himself I hope things work out.'
When Brian left the class room, the first person he saw was Jackson. They gave the "bro" handshake and Jackson handed Brian his books that he had accidentally taken with him to class.
"I hope you didn't need these, dude." Jackson said. Brian mumbled a "no." They were walking towards their lockers when Brian remembered he had Anthony's pen.
"Shit, I gotta find Anthony." He said and Jackson looked at him sideways.
"What for?"
"Oh, I have his pen."
"He's in P.E. with me, I can give it to him if you want." Jackson said. To his surprise Jackson pulled him into a tight hug that from all appearances just looked friendly, but it more than that for Jackson. Brian didn't think much of it and returned the embrace. When they pulled apart, he looked over Jackson's shoulder to see Anthony glaring at them. If Brian had paid more attention, he would have seen the look of hurt and pain that was replaced with false anger on Anthony's face. But he didn't. He walked over to Anthony, with Jackson leaving in the other direction.
"Thanks man, I forgot to give you your pen." Brian said and handed the pen to Anthony, who roughly took it out of Brian's hands.
"Thanks Punk! You better had given it back, but you know the deal. Right shit face?" He yelled and walked off leaving Brian dumbfounded. Brian didn't know why he was so surprised by Anthony's harsh words, yet he was. He thought they had broken ground, but apparently they hadn't. Brian walked off towards his next class with mumbling to himself, " What a Dick!"....
To Be Continued
Wanna know what happens next? You would if you were in my yahoo group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MaddyA_Stories (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MaddyA_Stories) Copyright 2005 A/N I Just want to take a moment to thank a few people who have really been supportive. JoJo (author the best damn soap opera "Angst", Bootz for your kind words, Rocky for the funnies and a host of all the people at the yahoo group whose daily messages help keep a girl motivated : )