The following story is loosely based upon myself. However, names and details have been changed. The story contains sex between two consenting adult men. If you are a minor, or it is illegal in your area to read the following story, please leave now. The author retains all rights to the story. Please do not reproduce without prior consent.
Hi everyone! If you came here for a quick "fix" this story is not for you. This is a love story. I hope you enjoy this story!
I would love to hear everyone's responses. E-mail me at livelovelaugh878@yahoo.com
I was inspired to write this story because of several authors on this site.
Some of my favorites are "Second Shot", "Noah & Jordan", "Peter's Story", "I Got A Feeling", "The Wedding Date", "Behind The Mask", "Regrets & Heartaches", "Feels Like Falling", "Words, Hands, Hearts".
Chapter 1
Shawn was born into a family with three brothers. He was the second oldest. He had an older brother named John, and then two younger brothers Peter and Troy. Their parents raised them in a very religious household. God was apart of their daily lives. Shawn was sexually trespassed by his older brother John. Sexually trespassed as in foreplay. This happened before either guy was in their teens. Way too early for sexual contact and among brothers no less. They were caught by their parents and it ended. The aftermath made Shawn very religious. He was known as being very "Christian" among family and friends. However, no one really know what was going on inside him.
One day he discovered porn and masturbation. He tried to pray away the porn, the masturbation, the gayness. He had always been taught being gay was a horrible thing. He read the bible verses over and over again. He wondered why God would have him go through this. Maybe it was to help other men who had the same problems. He only knew of the "effeminate" gay men and did not want to be one of them. He researched how to be an ex-gay. It was always very discouraging for him when he would find out that these men ended up miserable most of the time. He spent many nights crying about these gay feelings. He pretend to like girls because it was what his parents wanted, what Christians wanted, and so he also thought God wanted. However, he had never really dated a girl.
In community college at age 20, he finally accepted that he was gay. However, he did not really tell anyone until almost a year later. He only told a few close friends who had already suspected that he was gay. Shawn decided to go away for college. He had to get away from his family, his Christian community, and be himself. He wanted to fall in love. Shawn had no idea what was ahead.
Shawn walked into his Spanish 4 class. He was minoring in Spanish. While, Shawn would tell girls he was gay if they asked. Guys was a whole different area for him. It made him nervous because what if they could not accept him. The guy he pictured himself settling down with was the picture of a straight guy. He was not attracted to the typical gay guy. This made dating very difficult. He had used dating sites but he could never find someone he liked who lived in the same area. He was really hoping that his dream guy would fall out of the sky. If only love worked like that.
Shawn sat down in a seat in the second row. His eyes moved to the door and noticed a guy with short dark hair. He took a seat a row behind Shawn. He found out the guy's name was Will when the teacher called role. He didn't let his mind go far though because he did not want to disappoint himself if he was straight which he probably was.
Shawn saw his friend Kaley, and waved.
"Hey Kaley, How are you?" Shawn smiled.
"I'm doing great, we are going to go clubbing tonight to find both of us a man!" Kaley replied.
"That's just not my scene." Shawn replied.
"Fine but you need a boyfriend and you never look." Kaley replied
"There just aren't many gay guys that interest me around here." Shawn replied sadly.
"Keep your head up, you are going to find your guy soon." Kaley replied sweetly.
"I hope so." Shawn said hopefully.
Shawn decided to go running to get his mind off of being lonely. Running was an outlet for Shawn. He loved everything about running. When he was running on the trail, he noticed Will from his Spanish class with a gun pointed at himself. He was pondering whether or not to shoot himself. Shawn acted quickly when he saw Will put the gun down.
"Are you sure you want to do that?" Shawn asked sitting beside him in the grass .
"Fuck. I don't know.....Aren't you from my Spanish class?" Will replied shakily.
"Yes, I am. So do you want to tell me why you feel you need to kill yourself?" Shawn asked
"It's complicated." Will replied sadly.
"Why don't we go get something to eat and you can un-complicate things for me?" Shawn asked.
"Sure, that sounds fine man.....Do you mind if I drop by my house first so I can drop this off?" Will replied pointing to the gun.
"Can I hitch a ride?" asked Shawn.
"Yeah, sure. It will just take me a minute to put the gun away." replied Will.
Shawn walked into Will's house. It reminded him a lot of his own house. He saw several bibles and Christian books lying around. He noticed a picture with Will and his family. His mom, dad, and his two sisters.
Shawn noticed a cd he used to listen to. "Do you listen to Joy Williams?" Shawn asked.
"Yeah, Genesis was awesome! Did you know she is still around? She is in this duo called The Civil Wars." Will responded
"Yeah, I freaking love The Civil Wars." Shawn replied enthusiastically.
"We could just eat here, I have a pizza in the freezer." Will said.
"Ok, sounds good." Shawn replied.
They both finished eating their pizza and then went up to Will's room. His family was gone for the weekend.
"So tell me why would you want to kill yourself? I hardly know you but I don't want you to kill yourself. Shawn said truthfully.
"Well, I have these feelings for guys that......I.....just feel so ashamed of........It tears me up inside." Will said
He continued. "I just love God but..........I try to get rid of these feelings and they do not go away.....I've tried so many times to get rid of them.......I know that you go to Church too.....You don't hate me, do you? Cause I hate myself sometimes. Will started crying.
Shawn gave him a hug and patted him on the back. "No, I don't hate you. I'm gay too. I know it's hard when you feel so alone. I'm not telling you what to believe but I believe that God loves me still. I believe that God made me this way." he said comfortingly.
"You are too? Gosh, I felt like I was the only one within the Christian community anyway." Will replied.
"Thanks, I'm so glad I didn't kill myself." Will continued.
"You are welcome. Remember, too that there is not something wrong with you. You have worth, you have a purpose. Don't ever doubt that." Shawn replied.
"I probably need to get going unless you need me to stay?" Shawn asked.
"I know I don't know you very well but would you mind staying tonight? I am not going to do something stupid but it would be nice not to be alone." Will responded.
"Yeah, no problem. I'll take the couch?" Shawn replied.
"Yeah. Of course." Will responded.
Shawn fell asleep on the couch. Will fell asleep in his own bed.