CHAPTER 7
When Nick woke up he was in a white room. The sun shining through. He had two thoughts running through his mind. The first telling him he was dead, the other saying he wasn't that lucky and was now at an hospital room.
They were both wrong. Nick sat on the bed he was in and looked around. It so wasn't a hospital. It was a normal hotel room.
Nick got up and found his luggage on the floor beside him. He changed cloths, combed his hair and left to find someone.
Just when he stepped out of the room he found Howie.
"Yo, Nick! Finally waking up, huh?"
"What time is it?" - Nick asked with a growling voice.
"Three o'clock in the afternoon. The time is messed up cause of the flight we took."
"Huh?"
Howie laughed at Nick's alienated state.
"We are on France, buddy! No wonder you don't remember, you slept during the whole flight!"
Nick forced a smile.
"Did I?" - he asked innocently.
"Yeah, when Brian took you to the airport you were already asleep."
"Oh, ok. I'll see if I find the other guys."
"You'll see Brian soon anyway."
"Why you saying so?"
"You guys are sharing the same room. Oh, God, Nick, in which planet have you been, huh?" - Howie giggled and left Nick with a silly smile on his face.
'Damn, does Brian ever give up? I just wanna be alone." - Nick thought sadly.
He realized he didn't want to see anyone, so that he just went back to his room. Thankfully Brian had left some junkie food in the kitchen, what Nick could really do with right now.
After a small snack Nick went to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror. His left eye was still purple, but getting better. His nose didn't hurt anymore. He lifted his shirt. Yeah, that bruise on his thorax was still pretty ugly. But it wouldn't last much now.
For a brief moment Nick remembered the salty taste of blood he felt over and over again inside his mouth that day Taison payed him a visit. Just the thought made him shiver. No, for his own sake he should never think about it again. Never. He would just bury it inside and never let it come up again.
Just when he was heading to the living room Brian entered the door.
"Oh, hey, Nick! I'm glad you are up!"
"I talked to Howie. I know we are in France. Although I'm not pretty sure how I got here." - Nick grinned.
Brian felt extremely happy seeing Nick's grin. Maybe he was actually getting over the trauma. Even if it wasn't happening yet this was a good sign.
"So, Nick. What you say we go down and do something with the guys today? Its a beautiful day, we could really enjoy it!"
"Nah, thanks. Guess I'll just stay here and play some video games."
Brian wasn't gonna insist. 'Not now. Maybe he is just not ready to go out. Maybe he is just waiting for the marks on his skin to go away, so that he can go back to hang out with us.' - he thought.
"Ok, then. Do you want me to stay here with you?"
"No. You can go with them. I'll be fine."
Brian stared at him for a while and Nick knew what he was thinking.
"I won't try to kill myself again, Brian. I promise." - Nick said touching his own chest.
Brian didn't know what to say but he was glad to hear that coming from Nick.
"I believe in you. I'll go, Nick. But I think I'll be back late, so you just go on and sleep that I stay with the couch."
"Brian, I can sleep in the couch, there is no problem." - Nick shrugged.
"No, Nick. Really, I like sleeping here. Just go and have some fun, ok? I'll be back late, but don't worry coz I will be back for sure." - Brian grinned and left.
Nick watched him go and sighed. How could his life have changed in such a lack of time? It was too much to take, but he promised Brian he wouldn't do anything. And he was so hopeless that he didn't even have the strenght to come up with something to kill himself, so that he just sat there and took some video games to play.
It was eleven o'clock when Nick finally gave in to his sleepy state and went to his bedroom. Brian hadn't arrived yet.
He got home at two o'clock. He didn't mean to be up until that late but the boys had just decided to go sight seeing and got lost in some streets where no one could speak english. That was hard.
Brian entered silently as he saw all the lights off. He walked to the bedroom and saw Nick curled up under the sheets. He looked cute like that, but something was just wrong. Something that wouldn't allow Nick to look peaceful. His face showed concern even in his sleep.
Brian sighed and turned away. He went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, his hair and went back to the couch.He didn't even have the time to close his eyes when he heard Nick's voice coming loudly from the bedroom. Brian felt like crying. He was having another nightmare.
Brian was shocked when he saw Nick. He was struggling in the bed desperately, sweat covering him all over.
"No... don't! Please, stop it! No, Taison, please, go away, no!" - Nick was half screaming half moaning in agony.
"Nick!"
"NO!" - Nick screamed with shut eyes as Brian was shaking him. - "Taison, no!!! Don't do that, no! You can't! Go away, I hate you! I won't let you, no!!!!! Don't, please, don't!"
Nick was fighting with Brian unconsciously as he held him tight.
"Nick..." - Brian whisperd soflty brushing Nick's hair out of his eyes with his fingers. His hair all wet so much Nick was sweating. Little by little Nick calmed down and opened his eyes.
Brian stared at him. Blue to blue. For some seconds Brian thought he would get through to Nick, but it didn't happen.
Without saying a word, only fighting to catch his breath Nick went away from Brian's touch.
"Nick, I can't stand seeing you like that!"
"Brian, never, never touch me again." - Nick said with a frozen look.
"But Nick you were having a terrible nightmare, you were suffering!"
" I don't care! I don't want you! I don't need you, Brian, just leave me alone!" - Nick cried out loud. - "Go away, I don't want to share the bedroom with you! I don't want anyone! I'm fine! I will be fine! All I need is time!"
Brian began to cry but Nick didn't seem to care.
"Please, Nick... you gotta let me help you."
"I DON'T NEED HELP!"
Brian sighed and swallowed hard. He could feel his throat closing from the inside.
"Nick, don't do that to yourself... You are my best friend..."
"I don't need any friend! I don't want you close to me! I just wanna be alone!" - Nick screamed running his hand freneticaly through his wet hair. - "Go away, Brian. Go away and don't ever try to wake me up again. I don't wanna fight you with you. I just don't want you close..."
"Ok, I'll leave you alone. This will be the last time we share rooms. Next hotel you'll be by yourself. I won't bother you anymore." - Brian said as he left the room.
Nick watched him go and got back into the sheets. He didn't sleep that night. He couldn't no matter how hard he tried.
Brian got back to the couch and cried. Cried, cried and cried, suffocating his laments onto the pillow, not wanting Nick to hear him. He felt he lost the game. Brian knew he wouldn't be able to bring Nick back again. And nothing in this world had hurt him more than that thought.
The next day Nick didn't speak to any of the boys, and exchanged a couple of words with Brian. The other bandmates were getting flustered with this situation. What the hell was going on with Nick? They expected Brian would know, but he didn't.
Brian talked to Kevin and explained the situation, and Kevin made him see he could never give up on trying to bring the old Nick back. The wonderful kid they knew. Brian had been his best friend and it didn't matter what he had said yesterday, Kevin was sure Nick does need Brian.
Brian looked for comfort in Kevin's embrace, he was needing desperately that kind of comfort. After some hours talking Brian gained some faith again.
Back to their room Nick said a brief goodnight and headed to his bedroom, as Brian laid there on the couch. Sleepless.
He got a book from the table and began to read it. Brian had read almost till the half of the book when at one o'clock he heard those familiar whines coming from Nick's room.
Yes, he was having a nightmare. Brian dropped the book and sat on the couch still. He didn't know what to do. Should he go there and check Nick? Wake him up and get yelled at by him? He wasn't sure if he was ready to get into another fight just like the one they had had last night.
As Nick's laments wouldn't come to an end Brian decided to stand up and walk to his bedroom. Slowly Brian opened the door and walked in. Nick was moving from side to side, pushing the sheets away, crying silently in protest, whining in agony and breathing hard. It was a painful scene. Brian couldn't bear with it. He sat on a chair and kept looking for Nick from far away.
He was desperately fighting the urge to reach to Nick and wake him up. So he just sat there and waited.
Brian watched Nick moaning in this inner sorrow for about twenty minutes. After that time Nick just stopped the struggling and fell alseep again, quietly. Brian sighed and stood up. He looked at Nick, not daring to touch him. Brian was confused with it all. But tonight it was over. Now Nick would probably sleep through the night, and Brian just needed to do the same.
Third day in France. Third night too.
Brian had a brilliant idea. He was going to sleep before Nick. All he needed was to fall asleep hours before him so that he wouldn't be able to hear any kind of scream or moan Nick might let go during the night. Or at least he was praying so. Brian was tired of this. He had no willpower to carry on. He decided he'd just wait for Nick to come to him, and then he'd be there to help him. Right now all he wanted was to sleep without having to bear with Nick's screams showing that agony Brian couldn't make go away.
Nick didn't know what to make of the situation when Brian said he was going to sleep at eight o'clock. That was definitely too early, but Nick didn't care. He watched some TV and listend to some music until midnight.
Before going to his bedroom Nick passed by Brian and saw he was deeply asleep. He said he was tired, Nick could see it was true.
He turned off all the lights and got into the sheets. Only tonight he also got a blanket because it was pretty chilly. Nick's lost gaze stared at the ceiling during long minutes until he fell asleep.
He could see his face. Entering the room and locking the door behind him.
"Don't you wanna give it a go, Nicky? I'm sure you are gonna like it..."
"No..." - Nick whined shutting his eyes.
"I won't hurt you, Nicky... I'll make you feel good. I wanna give you pleasure."
"Go away!" - Nick screamed.
But Taison was still there, and now his face was whispering into Nick's ear.
"You wanna know if I regreted it? Of course I didn't! You felt so damn good... I had such a good time fucking you Nickolas Gene Carter..."
"NO! Leave me alone!" - Nick moaned loudly.
Taison was now holding him with strenght, hurting him and once again whispering dirty words to him.
"You were so tight, Nicky... you were so tight, I loved fucking you..."
"NOOOOO!" - Nick screamed frightened and struggling against him.
"NOOOOO!"
Brian woke up rubbing his eyes and trying to concentrate on the sound he had just heard.
"Go away, leave me alone!!! - Nick cried out.
"Oh, please, God, not again..." - Brian muttered to himself while running his fingers through his hair. He was hopeless and weak. Brian was tired. He tried to turn around and ignore the noise Nick was making.
"Don't touch me, I hate you, I hate you!" - Nick screamed again.
Brian put the pillow above his head in a small chance that would suffocate Nick's moans and whines.
"Please, Taison, don't hurt me...!" - Nick let go a loud whisper, almost like a moan.
'Ok, thats enough.' - he thought. Brian just couldn't pretend that wasn't happening. To hell with what Nick would say to him, he just needed to wake him up.
Brian headed to the bedroom knowing he would just shake him till Nick was up and leave before he could say anything against what Brian had done. 'I'm doing this for myself', Brian convinced himself as he entered the room.
Brian saw Nick and felt again that pain taking his heart. Nick was crying. Not only he was suffering in this nightmare, Brian could see the tears rolling down his cheeks as he went closer to him.
Brian was about to call his name but he stopped. He climbed on the bed and was now on top of Nick, trying to make him stop struggling against that person who wasn't real anymore.
Brian had no voice to call his name. He only kept there, his arms on each side of Nick, touching the sheets. Brian wasn't touching him with his hands, his whole body was on top of Nick to keep him from moving. And Nick did stop. He stopped and opened his eyes to stare at Brian.
Brian stared back. He was just waiting for the moment when Nick would begin to scream and force him to go away. And make him fall apart.
Nick was still in that position under Brian. He could feel his whole body on top of him making him immoble. He could scream and send Brian away. He could fight with him and make him never come back again. But Nick didn't.
Brian's blue eyes staring straight at his. Waiting for Nick to scare him away. Only now Nick was understanding how much he needed that touch from a friend. Nick began to cry. He didn't want to hide anymore. He wanted to be comforted, he wanted someone to help him fight this pain away.
"Brian... can you hold me?" - Nick whispered.
Brian felt his eyes getting wet with tears as he tightened his arms around Nick keeping his body close. Brian wanted to protect him. He wanted to make Nick feel safe. He knew they were both crying by now. He could feel Nick's warm tears on his neck as he boy held Brian tightly looking for what Brian was offering. Safty.
"I missed you..." - Nick whispered close to Brian's ear.
Brian cried even more, but this time he was crying from joy. Brian laid beside him and pulled Nick in a hug, caressing his hair and never breaking eye contact.
"I'm so happy you finally let me touch you... I wanna help you so bad, Nick!" - Brian sighed.
"I'm sorry for all the things I said to you. I... I just wanted to be left alone with my pain. I guess I didn't want anyone to carry this with me."
"Nick..." - Brian was wiping the tears from Nick's eyes, passing his fingers softly on Nick's cheeks. - "I'm your best friend. I'll always help you. Even when you don't want to be helped."
Nick put his arms around Brian's waist and rested his head on his chest.
"Can you stay here hugging me tonight?"
"Of course I can. I'm gald you are asking me that."
Brian held Nick's small body against his and kissed his soft blond hair. Nick's arms held on to Brian with more strenght.
"Can you please wake me up if I have another... er, nightmare?" - Nick said looking at him, not letting go of their embrace.
"Sure, Nick. You can sleep. I am here for you now."
Brian kept caressing the back of Nick's neck until the boy closed his eyes and fell asleep on his chest.
ARE YOU PEOPLE STILL READING IT? DO YOU LIKE IT? The more e-mails I get the sooner I add more! Hehehe! I'm mennie!
Lionessy@hotmail.com