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Chapter 29 - Good morning, Richard
Apr. 24th, 2020:
I woke up feeling someone's skin under my fingers as I turned. A bright light attacked my closed eyelids. The moment I realized I was awake, I regretted it immensely and chose to go back to sleep. Then I became aware of something unexpected... I was holding someone's shoulder. I felt a light dusting of hair and relaxed muscle underneath.
I remembered pieces of the night before, and I opened my eyes with fear.
This is definitely someone's bare back. I looked up and recognized Matt's dark hair, wavy and messy, lying on the pillow next to me. Patches stuck to his head with dried sweat. He was lying on his stomach, and his head turned away from me. I looked down, and he was butt naked, covered with a blanket. The one that covered me as well. I sat, and the sudden change of altitude created such vertigo and a burst of pain I screamed. Not a good idea! Just the sheer noise of my own scream made me grab my head in despair.
Matt kept sleeping, and I realized I was naked as well.
NO!!!
If there was even a slight chance of some kind of deity above, I needed to remember how to pray to it. I begged it and hoped I didn't just sleep with Nate's best friend!
I sat on the bed, head in my palms, trying to remember what the fuck happened yesterday.
.
"Good morning Richard."
That deep, hurt voice. I must still be drunk and having hallucinations. Please, please don't let Nate be seeing me now.
I sat frozen. I was shaking and worried.
Matt started to move next to me. "Fuck! My head!"
Fuck! Fuck! Noo! I screamed internally.
.
I looked up, and my eyes were drawn to Nates. He was standing at the opened door, looking at me silently. Hurt was palpable in his features.
"Nathaniel?"
"When you will be able to, come to the kitchen. Both of you."
Then he left.
What happened??? What the hell did we do? Where is Bran? How the fuck did Nate come here? Why now? Fuck!!!
.
"Matt!" I hissed as I shook him.
"Stop it damn it! I am dying here!"
"Fuck! Wake up, Matt!"
He sat holding his head.
"Damn!" I would've mocked him big time if I weren't so anxious about Nate right now. Seeing the state of his chest... They are definitely sleeping together.
I stared at him, worried. "Did we fuck?"
Matt looked at me, confused at first, and then he realized I was naked. He looked at himself.
"Fuck... no... I don't think so. I was so wasted I don't think I would be able to fuck you."
"Man, if we would fuck, you would be the one taking it. Is your ass sore? Seriously! Nate is downstairs. I am freaking out big time!!"
"Nate is here?!"
"Yeah, he just stood there! Told me that both of us need to come down when we are ready."
.
Matt looked again at the state we were in. Probably also freaked out. He feverishly started moving around, hissing in pain as he looked for signs of sex on the bed, his body, and mine. Then he seriously looked at me. "When you fuck, do you do it rough?"
"What the fuck, man?"
"Answer, princess."
"Depends on who I am fucking, but yeah. I am usually not Tom's level rough, but I can get to that sometimes. Why?"
"Then we haven't fucked."
"You sure? Why are we naked?"
"I don't know. The last thing I remember is filling my glass in the bathroom, cussing Bran for poisoning you."
I chuckled. "I know. That's about the same with me. So where are our clothes?"
"Not sure. Is Nate really here?"
"If that wasn't a hallucination, he is."
"Maybe you just dreamed it?"
"Slight chance, man!"
I put my face into my palms in desperation. "I wouldn't do that to him! I can't imagine sleeping with you!"
"I am telling you, man, fuck!" he was standing up. "I am not drinking ever again with Bran! That guy is a menace!"
He was halfway to the closet breathing through hungover. "If we would fuck you would have marks on you. And me too. I could rip my head off to stop this, but no other part of me hurts. So no, we haven't fucked. Trust me!"
"Damn, you really are perfect for Tom!"
"Please, be so kind as to tell him that."
"First, I need to find a way to persuade Nate that I haven't fucked his best friend a few days after I left him. You should have seen him. It was breaking my heart seeing him like that."
"Man... here." He tossed me some clothes. "Nate looks like shit since you left."
"What am I going to tell him?"
"Leave the "us fucking each other" part to me. You just focus on apologizing for breaking that man's soul."
"I don't think I can face him."
"You can. I would do pretty much anything for Thomas to be here."
"Do you care for him so much?"
"I don't know, man. It's fucking hard. Let's now deal with Nate. What are you going to tell him?"
"I don't know... I still haven't changed my mind. I think loving me will hurt him in the end."
"Still, you could give him a chance to decide for himself. I would do anything for that."
I looked with pity at this big man. He found the worst possible man to turn gay for. Still, I admired his resilience. Honestly, from all the guys I've ever seen be in love with Tom, this one has the biggest potential despite being bi.
I told him that.
"I am not bi. Damn it!"
"Still? Fuck! Man, I thought we sorted it out yesterday! You are breaking your own legs running like this."
"That's one weird idiom."
"It's one my hungover and worried brain could come up with."
"Right. Now let's focus on getting down to Nate. Ready?"
"No!"
"Man, I will drag you down by the hair!"
"Fuck you!"
"You wish! Now move!"
.
I looked in the mirror. Fuck! I looked messed up.
"I need to brush my teeth at least, man. I can still taste the puke in my mouth."
"Yeah, good idea."
We used most of Bran's mouthwash as neither of us had a toothbrush here, and we talked a bit about yesterday and what we remembered. Matt kept talking about Tom, and I couldn't stop thinking about Nate waiting down there. We were lost--both of us. I really liked this guy by now, and I will help him as much as possible to get Tom back or to get over him... let's be honest, it's Tom...
.
Damn it! My head was spinning. Little splinters dug into my grey matter with each step, but I would gladly endure all that pain if I hadn't needed to worry about talking with Nathaniel right now.
We came down, and there he stood. He held a glass of water and put it down as he saw us come down. His pale green eyes had red rings around them, and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. He had a beard growing as if he had shaved two or three weeks ago. And the things he wore were... mine. I couldn't stop the corners of my mouth from rising in reflex seeing him. All I wanted at that moment was to run to him and hold him so close our bodies would merge together.
I've missed him so much that I thought part of me died from that pain.
I couldn't help myself. I slammed my body onto Nate's, embracing him like I was drowning, and he was pulling me out of the water. I sensed him shaking in my arms, and I held him so tight it must've hurt. I was just worried he would disappear if I let go.
After a moment like that, I felt his arms on my back and his head hiding in my neck. He hasn't smelled me! I felt I was deprived of that and missed it each second more. Why didn't he?
I felt his tears instead. So I cried silently as well. I still haven't got an idea what we can do about this. I didn't dare to take him away from Ash and their baby. But I needed him so much it hurt!
.
"You did it on purpose, didn't you?" I heard behind me.
"I don't know what you are talking about, man."
"Sure you don't, you prick. My head hurts like crazy. Yet you look fresh as a daisy."
"I didn't tell the two of you to down the whole bottle."
"Did you call Nate?"
"I didn't call anyone. I just haven't stopped any of you."
"How noble."
"Do you want to eat?"
"Did Nate cook it?"
"No."
"Then I will have just this water, thanks."
.
"I cooked it."
Tom? I turned around, and on the stairs stood Tom in suit pants, shirt, and vest. But he looked a bit disheveled, sleeves rolled to his elbows, and two top buttons opened. No tie. I don't think I ever saw him like this. I looked at Matt, and he was in shock. Bran was grinning.
"What is going on here?" I looked at Nate.
"You called me at 4:30 in the morning, begging me to come here. When I came, you and Matt were shitfaced, and I tried to get you to sleep, but you two had a lot you needed to talk about."
I heard Bran laughing. I could punch him now, but at the same time, I was really grateful.
"At six came Thomas."
"Yeah, this guy sent me a message saying he is working the whole night on an extremely important project and needs me here at six. When I came, it took him about ten minutes to get sick. Rick here took most of that on his clothes, and we had to get both of you to the shower."
"Thank god!" I exclaimed in relief, "I knew I wouldn't do that!"
"I told you we didn't fuck, princess!"
"What time is it now?"
"Around eleven."
"And you two waited here?"
"Thomas was working upstairs in the office, and I was with Brandon."
"Were you upstairs the whole time?"
"Yes." Tom calmly looked at Matt. Did he then hear everything?
"Can we talk for a moment?" For the first time, I heard Matt sound unsure.
Tom nodded slowly. "Yes."
They stared at each other with weird tension. Tom then turned and started walking up the stairs, with Matt following.
"Bedroom! Don't you dare destroy my office!" Bran shouted after them with a grin.
.
Nate looked after them, and I realized that now we needed to sort out the mess I had created.
"Can we talk as well?"
Nate hasn't looked at me, just nodded.
"Guys, I am going to crash on the couch. I need to take a nap. Is the kitchen okay?"
"Sure, thank you, Bran."
Bran patted me on the back and left.
.
"You have amazing friends."
"I do."
"Can you look at me, Nate?"
"I don't know. Are you going to keep saying that it is better this way?"
"Have you told Ashley?"
"No, you forbade me. Remember? And I figured that if there is even a slight chance that you would ever visit, it would be higher if she didn't know."
"I think you are right. Can we sit?"
He just nodded and went to the counter. "Drink this and eat something if you can."
"Thank you."
I took the mug and plate from him, yet he still hadn't looked at me. That stung.
.
We sat there in silence as I tried to get something in my aching stomach. I wasn't really hungry. I kept looking at Nate, but he just sat there. Silent.
"What do you remember from yesterday?"
"I remember most of the evening with Matt and Bran. They love you a lot. And they are really cool. Ben or Cor would never do anything like this."
"I suppose each has their own strengths."
Nate crossed his arms on his chest. "You don't remember calling me then?"
"No, the last thing I remember was Matt giving me a glass after throwing up."
"Right... I thought it would be like that."
"What have I said?"
"Many things."
"You look sad."
"I am. I tried not to be hopeful as you were drunk, but somehow I couldn't help it. Then I realized it was stupid of me, and I kept thinking I should prepare for the worst."
"You still prepared for the worst, right?"
Tears fell down his face as he nodded and wiped them on his sleeve. "Shouldn't I? Do you want to be with me?"
"I do! Fuck! You know I do. I just feel I have no right to take this away from you. I can never give you children. Damn it! I don't even know if I want children!"
He nodded and stood up, facing the window.
.
"Nate, I really do love you! I have no idea how that is possible in this short time, but this time we spend apart... I am sure I do love you. And I want you to be happy. You told me you always wanted a family. I cannot give that to you."
"Why not?"
"I told you. And I can't force you into a decision like this, to choose between having family or being with me. Would you even know what to choose?"
He shook his head. "I still want to believe I can have it all."
"Nate, realistically... how would that work?
"I don't know! Somehow!"
"Do you still care for Ashley?"
"I love her, Richard."
My heart sank... I knew that, but still, it did. "So, you know you would be happier with her and your baby." I cried silently. Trying to stay strong for him. Holding myself with everything in me not to beg him to choose me.
"The love I feel for Ashley is different, Richard."
"I know. But still, being with her makes you happy."
He nodded. I felt so small, so insignificant. So hurt! "Then why do you want to risk that, Nathaniel?"
He squeezed his arms tighter on his chest. I was watching his shaking back, knowing he was crying. I wanted to run to him, hold him, and be there for him. It was so painful for me, yet I sat there hoping it was better for him this way. I worried I wouldn't let go once I'd put my arms around him.
.
It took Nate a while to compose himself. "Let me make that decision, Richard. Please."
I had no more strength to refuse him. I would do pretty much anything for him at this point... I was lost. "Okay."
"Can we stay together?"
"How? Do you want us to sneak around? For how long? Or do you want us to tell Ashley?"
He turned around, eyes red, mouth swollen. He would look ugly if he weren't so beautiful to me.
"For heaven's sake, can you please just kiss me already?!"
I watched him scream at me, pleading with anger in his eyes. I stood up, and even the pain in my head was insignificant now. I would jump over that table if I could. I walked around it so fast I knocked over one chair. I took him by the back of his neck and held his cheek with the second hand as I launched my lips to his. I was so deprived and hungry for this man. I needed him like nothing ever in my life!
Our bodies collided, and I knew I never wanted to let go. What will we do now? It didn't matter. I will bear it all. Just one moment with him was worth it for me!
.
I have no idea for how long we kissed and held each other. Every second was a precious gift to me. I just needed to feel him, knowing back in my head he was not mine, giving all this a bitter taste. Yet, for these short moments, I tried to forget it all.
An intense bang sounded through the whole loft. We both shook and looked up. Again. I smirked.
"What is going on?"
"Matt and Tom are probably at it. Bran had a good point telling them not to go into the office."
Nate had this soft worry on his face. "I have to tell you, when Matt told me yesterday, I was speechless. I would have never guessed."
"Well... yeah." I grinned.
Nate turned to me. "Will I ever meet any of your friends you didn't sleep with?"
"You know Cor," I smirked, and he did too.
"Good to know in advance."
"I haven't slept with Ted."
"And Peter, probably."
"Well..."
"Damn... you are slut, Richard."
"It was a threesome," I tried to put it into perspective.
"Great," he chuckled.
"I need to sit. My head is killing me, Nate."
"Right, sure."
We put two chairs together and sat down, still holding each other. I haven't touched him in so long.
"I am crazy about you, Nate. I have no idea how that is possible. But I swear it feels true."
"Me too, Richard..."
"So, what now?"
Nate covered my hand with his second, looking at them exhausted. "I don't know."
"Ashley is back in her bedroom?"
"Yeah. She was surprised you left."
"What did you tell her?"
Nate still gazed at our hands. I missed seeing his eyes. "I didn't want to talk about that, and she respected it, but we all hoped you would come back eventually. I slept in our room. Well, if I could sleep."
"What about your work?"
"That is done. I needed something to dive into anyway, or I would do something stupid. I know it. So even if this weren't so important, I would find something else."
"Right... Jerry is still there?"
He started to laugh wryly. "Ashley and Jerry are like joined at the hip! They started working in her office even when you were there, remember?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
"Well, that still lasts. They are like teenagers. It would be silly if I wasn't so devastated and could enjoy that. Jerry even found some apartment, but she took him into her office, and after three hours, they came out with the notion that they will renovate the basement, and he will live there."
"No!"
"Yeah!"
"How the fuck?"
Nate looked at me, amused a little. "I think if he wouldn't be gay and she asexual, they would be the ones sneaking around."
"Damn..."
"Yeah."
"You are jealous?"
"Not really..."
I peered at him with a smirk. "You are! I can see that!"
Nate turned away. "No... it's just so sudden."
I smiled. "You are fucking jealous, Nathaniel! You are blushing!"
"I was just used to having her for myself. I don't think she shouldn't have friends."
"But you were the one special man in her life. Admit it."
"That's not that either. Really... It's just Jerry. We are not that compatible, and with everything that's going on... It's just weird, between Jerry and me, I mean."
"You are cute."
"Thanks," he said sarcastically.
"How did Jerry take it when I left?"
Nate furrowed at me. "Why?"
"He sent me this message... It's not important, but he seemed hurt. Like as if he felt guilty. He may seem carefree, but he is a sensitive guy."
"I am a sensitive guy as well," Was he pouting?
"I could just eat you up right now!"
He smiled. "Yeah, he was sad. He tried to console me, but I just couldn't let him in. I am like that when I am hurt."
"Right... I am so sorry."
"Me too."
. We sat like that for a while, holding hands and just enjoying our own presence.
"Will you come back?"
I sighed. "Do you think it's a good idea?"
"I don't know, Richard, but that room feels so empty." he laid his head on my shoulder, and I breathed him in, missing him so much...
I reached and played with his hair. They have become longer now. "Nathaniel?"
"Yes?" he looked at me.
"Can we go somewhere?"
"Where?"
"I don't care."
He kept looking at me.
"I couldn't even jerk off these days as I broke down crying each time. I would really want to sleep with you."
I probably sounded weird and desperate, but he looked moved by it. He took my face into his hands and kissed me. "Yes, please!"
I smiled. "Where do you want to go? Are hotels even opened yet?"
"I never had sex in the car," he glanced at me.
"Fuck, man, let me fix that." I kissed him.
.
Nate stood up, and I could see his eyes got darker already. I smiled.
He took his keys and turned to me. "I would really like you to drive, but you probably still have alcohol in your system."
"That's true."
"Okay, but next time, you are driving!"
I stood up to him and kissed him hungrily. "Deal."
Nate groaned and looked at me fiercely. "Grab your things, and let's go!"
We are slowly reaching a conclusion. Only the last two chapters left and Epilogue. It was a pleasure.
I will post the next one again, as always, in ten days. For those willing to support me, feel free to check out my Patreon https://www.patreon.com/i_dusk - and for easier finding - Chapter 30 - Car Ride - https://www.patreon.com/posts/husband-of-my-30-76108796
Have an amazing rest of the day.
I. Dusk