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Chapter 24 - Jealousy
What just happened? I went after Nate, finding him in our room.
"Nate? You okay?"
"No. Give me, please, one minute." He didn't even look at me.
"What happened?"
I worried I knew the answer, but I kind of hoped it would be something else.
Nate took a deep breath and turned to me with his hands on his hips. "Look, Richard, I realize I am the last one to have the right to make jealous scenes. I know I am here, the one married, but if you call Jerry a boy in front of me one more time, I will throw something out of the window."
So it was that... Fuck... I bowed my head and looked at him remorsefully. "I am sorry, Nathaniel, I haven't realized that. We used to call each other like that for so long it just feels natural."
He scanned my face with care. "How long is it since the two of you broke up?"
Damn... I hate these talks about relationships...
"About a year."
Nate exhaled as if to calm himself down. "Right... and you slept together regularly the whole time in that period?"
I nodded slowly. "Yes."
"Tell me, please, honestly." He looked at me with pain, but his gaze was so gentle and caring. "When have you got over him?"
I couldn't stand his look. I turned away.
"Have you ever?"
"Yes!" I looked at him earnestly.
"Was it after we started sleeping together?"
"I didn't think about it that much, to be honest. I just viewed myself as single. I've been sleeping around with so many people I wouldn't do that if I considered Jerry and me a couple."
"Right. But you still had feelings for Jerry even then."
"Maybe. I didn't analyze it in depth!"
.
Nate turned away, collecting himself. "I am just glad you didn't let me call you daddy. I would feel sick if I got used to it, and then I'd found out." Nate turned back to me with a sad smile, and then his eyes laser-focused on my face. I knew I looked guilty.
"You didn't let me call you that, cos you wanted that to be special just for him. Did you?"
"He calls all his lovers daddy anyway. It's not like it's any special with me." I mumbled.
"It was for you, wasn't it? Did you keep calling your lovers "boy" out of getting even with him?"
"Why do you do this?"
"I can't help it. I know how much you care about nicknames, so it seems crucial to me. Please tell me, am I right?"
"Look, I didn't plan on any of this. I don't want to go back with Jerry. I want to be with you, Nathaniel!"
.
Nate took my hands into his. Still, I was expecting him to fume and be angry, but he was just like this solemn guy who wanted to know... I had never had a talk like this with anyone. I had no idea how to act...
"Do you remember when I told you I don't feel threatened by your past?"
I nodded.
"Should I feel threatened, Richard?"
"No, I don't think so, Nathaniel."
"You Do-Not-Think-So?" He repeated very slowly, emphasizing every word as he unhanded me and crossed his arms, holding his chest. "Richard. I think I will REALLY need that minute now." He looked so tired. "I am very emotional, and I need to be able to see more angles to all this. And right now, I see red, Richard. Please. Give me just a little space."
Nate exhaled with a growl and turned into the room.
.
"What have I done?" I exclaimed desperately.
He turned, and there was this sad strain to him now. "Nothing. I still feel immensely for you. I suppose I am just insecure right now."
"Why should you be, of all people?"
"Damn. I will regret this!" Nate shook his head in resignation.
"What?"
"Okay, damn it." He turned his body to me. "You had a strange look when Jerry said I am not your type. You had a similar look when Peter said the same. What did they mean by that, and please do not say you don't know."
Fuck...
"It's not like that. Jerry likes labeling things."
"So do you. Tell me, Richard." He spoke calmly.
"Nate, please don't."
He furrowed, his eyes still so fucking caring. I felt like the worst, most shallow person possible. I would feel better if he screamed! "Tell me, Richard."
I lowered my head, knowing how this would seem... "I kinda never dated a white guy."
Nate looked stunned and confused. "A white guy?"
I looked at him desperately, frustrated, but most of all, I needed him to understand me. But I didn't know how to approach this at all. I never spoke like this with anyone! I was not ready, in the least, for something like this.
"I've slept with loads of them, though!" Yeah, much better, dumb-ass...
Nate's brow furrowed even deeper. "What do you mean by never dating a white guy? How does that matter?"
"It doesn't!"
Nate raised his hands, his palms to me. "No, Richard, how does it matter to you if a guy is black or white for YOU to date them?" He had this serious, intense look like he needed to comprehend what I was saying. He didn't seem to judge me, just as if he was trying to understand.
I exhaled. I felt cornered. "I like the contrast, but it's not like I don't like white guys. I do. I just... I usually only sleep with them."
Nate put his face in the palm of his hand as he sat down on the bed. He then shook his head. "So, I assume Steve is black as well?"
"Yes."
"And you like that because you are white."
"Yes. I said I liked the contrast. The way their skin feels and..."
He looked at me as if urging me to finish digging that hole I had dug under myself.
"Their cock feels better. I mean different. Fuck... Nate, I like you, don't... Damn it. I like all sorts of men. I think I slept with most ethnicities you can find..." I seriously should have given him that space! Now I am sounding like a slut trying to make this better. "I just never met a white guy I slept with regularly, and it developed into something more."
I was rambling more and more just for him to understand that skin color is not as crucial for me as it may seem. Fuck, how did we get here?
.
He looked drawn deep within himself.
"Ross is white."
"Ross is a friend, and top only I could never date him."
"Because he is white?"
"No, no! I don't care about the color of a guy's skin. I just like black more. It's like some people prefer blonds or brunets, blue-eyed, dark-eyed, or hunks or petite. It's just preference. It doesn't matter that much. Ben, for example, likes big, muscled hunks, and look, he found Peter! And he is happiest with him than with anyone before!" Maybe partly because Ben and Peter still sleep with other people as they are sexually very open and don't restrain themselves, but I was not going to tell him that now.
"Right. And... What is your usual preference out of curiosity."
"I don't think that..."
"Jerry, is your usual preference? Ben?"
"Jerry," I said quietly, giving up.
"I don't want to ask this... Did you break up with Ben cos he is bigger than you?"
"Ben is a more complicated issue."
"Could you somehow simplify it?"
Damn... I sat down on the bed next to him. "If I should simplify... It was the reason why I didn't want to date him in the first place. But he grew on me. I broke up with him because it felt weird being the top with him, and I don't like being solely the bottom. Which I mostly was. Then there was something else, but I don't feel like it's my place to say it. Still, we were together for three years. I was in college; I was much younger."
"Yet he still cares for you after all that time, same as you do for Jerry."
"I don't know if I would say that," I said, knowing full well that he was right.
.
"Right, so you prefer to date short, cute petit black guys. Is there something more that is the complete opposite of me? I suppose being single and not married to your sister is also one of those things." Nate never sounded angry. He was calm and understanding the whole time we talked, but this immense sadness and hurt grew on his face.
"Why do I suddenly feel like a bad guy here?"
"Damn, no, sorry, Richard, you are not." Nate looked at me seriously. "I understand how that may sound. Sorry. I just feel that I am not good enough for you."
"How you of all people..."
He stopped me with a hand on my chest.
"Richard, I haven't said that, so you should assure me how great I am. I see the way you look at me, and I genuinely believe you like me. I only wonder if this is real for you or if you have just been stuck in a single house for too long and grew desperate enough to hook up with me. And then you just assigned such a significant value to it so that you won't feel as shitty. And I worry you will wake up one day realizing that."
"Nate..."
"Richard, again, I am not blaming you. I am jealous for the first time in my life, and I don't know how to work with it. So I am trying to be as honest as I can."
"Are you breaking up with me?"
"No. I don't want to make such decisions in this state of mind. But, Richard, I have one question, and I swear I will not be mad or judge you. But please tell me the truth."
I nodded.
"If Jerry would want to get back together, would you?"
"No. I want to be with you!"
"If I had asked that question three weeks ago, what would you say?"
We both knew the answer. I would want Jerry by my side. It was he who decided to become just fuckbuddies and nothing else. I was going to propose that night he broke up with me... My silence proved that to us both.
"I don't want you to feel bad, Richard. It just created a bit of a mess in my head. I still want to be with you if you'll have me, but if you choose someone else eventually, please don't be with me out of pity or a sense of guilt or responsibility."
"I want to be with you, Nathaniel."
Nate looked sad at the floor and shrugged his shoulders softly. "And I want to be with you."
"Than could we?"
"I don't know, Richard. Are you sure you want that, or do you just feel like you should after everything?" he looked at me softly.
"You are not the only one feeling insecure. You could have anyone. You are hot, collected, and perfect in everything you touch. The only thing that attracts you to me is my smell; I can't do anything about that. And you make it seems like I am the shallow one."
"I never said that you are shallow, Richard. But like you cannot change the way you smell, I cannot change how my skin looks or feels."
I took his face into my palms. "Then how about we stop taking that into account and try to believe that we chose each other against all this shit show of our lives, and we are fucking grateful for the way we make each other feel?"
He nodded emotionally.
"You went gay for me, for a guy you couldn't stand the first month you knew him, and I already let you further than any guy I ever loved. How about we be grateful and stop looking for more reasons to give up? Cos baby, I want to be with you."
Nate cried and kissed me. I hugged him tightly and kissed him with everything in me.
"This is so silly. Sorry, Richard"
"It's okay. These past few weeks were crazy."
"Yeah!" He nodded and laughed.
.
I took him in my arms and held him like my most cherished thing. "How do you feel? We didn't even have a chance to talk about yesterday."
"What's there to talk about more?"
"I don't know... look. I cannot imagine surviving something like that. I honestly admire that you coped with it somehow. I want to be here for you too. I feel like we always dealing only with my issues. You never let me in yours."
"Richard, I appreciate the effort, but it's not something I can speak about two days in a row. There's too much going on now, anyway."
"Right... but I appreciate that you told me. I am here for you. Do you know that?"
Nate nodded.
"Take your time, Nathaniel, but please don't bear everything by yourself."
"Thank you."
.
Nate looked at me. "How about we tell Ashley now?"
"What? You joking?" My head started to hurt just imagining that after yesterday and today. No way my mental health could stand that now!
"Richard, I feel like the whole world is collapsing on me right now, and it's been that way since you kissed me. I just want it to be over."
"I understand, but I don't think that will solve the issue. On the contrary, I worry it would only create a new one."
"You may be right."
"Can we now barricade here and fuck all day?"
Nate gave a light chuckle.
"You know what? Sure! Yes. We can! Maybe we should tell them, though."
"That we are going to spend the whole day in bed fucking?"
"You right.. but...."
I took his face in my hand and just kissed him.
"Turn that beautiful brain off now. Let me have a few hours without the knowledge of the world around us."
He smiled and kissed me.
.
I looked into his mesmerizing face. How much has happened in this short time? Was he right? Is this just something that will burn out fast, and we realize we are not suitable for each other? I didn't want to think about it.
I went closer and pulled his lip with mine playfully. I just felt like changing this grim mood. It seemed to work a little, and I came back for more. He looked at me and licked my upper lip, which was unexpected from his current state, but I took it with pleasure. I pulled him on top of me and held his head as I went to town on his lips. I needed this man! Now!
He responded with the same lust, and I felt his tongue swirling around mine. His hands started taking off my shirt, and I gladly let him. Button after button, when Nate pulled away for the slightest moment and, with a grin on his face, asked if I had any particular liking for this shirt. I said no, and he ripped the remaining buttons on me as he pulled my shirt open, tearing it on me. Damn! I loved it. I need to buy more button-downs!
I let out a groan, and his eyes grew wicked somehow.
"I want you to fuck me hard, Richard, and then I want to fuck you! We could switch until we cannot move anymore."
"Damn, baby, you just made me so hard!"
I pulled his shirt over his head and bit his nipples and shoulder bone while I felt his hands opening my pants under his legs.
I pushed him away.
"Undress for me, baby!"
He stood up and started slowly unbuckling his belt while staring at me hungrily.
I opened my pants, watching him. "I wish I could see you climb naked, baby. You were so hot yesterday."
"We can do something else if you're up for it."
"What?"
"We can wrestle."
He had this questioning look on his face but with a wicked twist.
"Fuck yeah. Come here!"
.
He took off his pants with a smirk, and I followed suit. We stayed only in briefs when he came towering over me and took my head in his hands, tilting me up to look at him. Then he attacked my lips with his, and my mouth hurt from that impact. I grabbed his hands and threw him on the bed. This time he didn't stay down. With a fast movement, he pulled and smacked me down, sitting on me and grinning widely.
"The one on top gets to fuck. No permission needed." He growled with a grin.
"Careful baby, you may not walk after today."
"Promises!"
.
Then it was on! Our muscles were bulging as we rolled and pushed each other. Both tried to overpower the other. Nate was really strong and agile. He had me pinned down and managed to pull down my boxers, but I jumped him the moment he tried to remove them from my ankles. I was smarter than that. I pinned him hard under me, my now exposed and raging cock pushing on the fabric covering his pussy.
"Fuck, we forgot the lube!" I hissed while gripping the hem of his boxers.
"Fuck me raw and dry!"
"Nate, you have no idea how that hurts!"
"Do it, Richard!"
I pushed the side of his face into the mattress and looked at him. He was wild and hungry, and there was this madness in him. It bore strange familiarity, like when I hatefucked him the other day.
"Fuck!" I hissed.
"Do it!"
"You WILL stop me if it is too much!"
"Yes!"
"Swear to me!"
"Fuck, yes! I swear, now ram it in!"
"Fuck!"
I pulled the hem below his ass and couldn't help but taste it.
"Stay down!"
I held him by the nape pressing him onto the sheets. I took his right ass cheek, squeezing it harshly and spreading it as I plunged my tongue into his hole. I sucked and licked it for just a moment when Nate growled.
"Fucking DO IT!"
With no loosening of that muscles and only a little spit from my rimming, this will be fucking pain! Damn it! Fine!
I spat on my hand and smeared it on my cock as I pressed the head to his crack.
"Don't grit the teeth. Breathe, baby."
"Stop being so caring finally, and wreck me."
"Don't worry, baby, I fucking will. This is mercy. I am protecting you and my conscience from yourself. So open up that hole!"
I forced my cock in at full speed, not stopping as he screamed into the pillow. His fingers were white from gripping the sheets, and he grunted as he tried to breathe through the pain.
"Harder!" He breathed out.
"My little twisted slut." Still I spat there. It's not the same as lube but I couldn't bear to fuck him dry. "You wanted that!"
I started plowing his ass hard! Thrust after thrust, he rasped into that pillow, screaming and pushing his hole towards my cock in such force that I was worried I would leave him bleeding! I still had my hand on his nape, and I grabbed a fistful of his hair, turning him towards me, raping his mouth with my tongue while he whined into it in pain and pleasure. I grabbed his throat and squeezed, watching his face turn red, and let go with a breath-sucking hard kiss.
I threw him away from me and stood up, out of breath. I breathed hard and looked at him with a frown. How far are we willing to go?
He looked at me crazed. Still, he wanted more. I knew it.
"Fuck it!" I breathed out and saw a satisfied smirk on his face as I jumped him again.
"Fight me!"
And he did. He was strong as fuck, but I took that ass again and again. We wrestled so hard that I was afraid this old bed won't make it. I pinned him down and rage fucked him time after time until I was getting fatigued, and he got the upper hand.
He rammed his shoulder onto me, and I ended up leaning back, hanging down from the bed, and he was sitting on one of my legs and spreading my ass while raising the other.
"Fuck NO! You will not fuck me dry, Nathaniel!"
"I wasn't planning to." He smiled at me with that wild eyes." He put his fingers in his mouth and licked them obscenely. My cock was leaking by this point so hard that I think he could lube me up with just my precum!
Still, he spat into his hand and smeared it on my crack, pressing his digits into my hole.
I screamed and breathed heavily, watching him finger my ass with a tempo that made me breathless. I moaned, and soon the pain went away, and just fucking lust for more remained!
I took his hand and pushed him forcefully, making him fall on his back. Then, I leaped on his chest, sat on him, and spat into my hand. I brought that to my ass before I grabbed his dick harshly and sat on it demandingly!
We both groaned, and he grabbed my waist and squeezed so tight a sharp pain ran thru me. I started riding him, and soon he grabbed me and wrestled me still with his cock in my hole. He ended up on top, my legs high in the air, spread for him like a little bitch, and he pounded into me mercilessly! Fuck he was good!
I was getting close, and I reached for my cock.
"No! I want you to breed me every time."
"Fuck, Nate, I'm fucking close! I need to shoot!"
"Me too! I'm going to fill you up!"
He trusted hard and painfully deep into my guts, and I thought I would feel him in my throat!
Then with wild shaking all over his body, he cummed into me! I felt his load hitting the insides of my asshole, and his groaning above me was sending me over the edge! I screamed with madness and pushed him away hard. He felt on his back, and I rammed my dick in! In four rough thrusts, I shot my load into his sore ass. We both screamed like possessed. Not caring that two people are just one floor below us!
.
We spend the whole day like that. By nine o'clock, I had two loads in my asshole, and Nathaniel lay with three of them. Spend famished, happy as fuck. Finally, we just rolled around in our bed and made out.
Not once have I called him boy. He is now my baby, my man. Mine fucked up, twisted man!
Even if this turns out to be just a short-time thing, I will remember him like this forever!
"I am hungry."
"I am starving!"
"But I can't move." He laughed weakly.
"Me neither!"
"Fuck it! Let me call special delivery."
"No, stop. Don't use him like that."
"Nate, that guy created so many uncomfortable situations for me that I am sure he can handle bringing us some food." I said with a smile and kissed those full, swollen lips.
I called Jerry.
"Hi, Rick. You two are finally hungry for something other than cum?"
"Yeah, could you be a good friend and bring us something?"
"Sure, can I join the two of you?"
"I don't think that's a good idea, Jerry."
Nate looked at me, interested. I just shook my head with a smile.
"Shame would be hot."
"Thank you, Jerry."
.
I kissed Nate and stood up, stretching myself.
"You're so hot!"
"Really?"
"Yeah."
I smirked at him. "I think you are too fucking hot, Nathaniel."
He laughed. "Why do you swear so much, Richard?"
"Do you mind that?"
"I can live with it. I am just curious."
I shrugged my shoulders. "I suppose I am compensating. When I was growing up, swearing was a huge issue. Grandfather swore all the time, but for me, it would've resulted in a trip down to the basement... So after I left, I told myself to swear whenever I feel like swearing."
We heard a knock, and I went to open it.
.
.
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