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Chapter 20 - Working side by side
Content warning: Mentioned abuse and referenced homophobia
I woke up much later. Nate was still holding me as if he decided he would be here for me whenever I woke up, and I loved him at that moment. There was no question about it. I vividly remembered my talk with Ashley and the memories that surfaced because of it. I felt like all of the pieces of me that I had so carefully built since leaving this house had come crashing down on me now. Yet, I felt like Nate was holding me in safety, and the sound of his heart was calming me down.
I raised myself a bit and saw he was sleeping in an awful position - as if he had fallen asleep while sitting and then just slid along the bed's backboard onto our pillows. He moved and opened his eyes. There was now just light from the desk lamp illuminating our room dimly. "Richard?" I looked at him. My eyes were probably red, and I still had blurred vision. He stroked my hair back and leaned over to kiss me. "I am sorry I held you from working." "Richard, look at me! You are always more important than any work I do. Is that clear?" I nodded, leaning into his arms.
I loved this man. I surrendered everything I had ever been to this thought. I want and need him in my life. I wanted him to know. But would that be fair to him? I made my peace with the thought that this may shatter me into pieces. I sat and took his hand. "Would you go somewhere with me?" He nodded. I walked down the stairs holding his hand like a child. I went to the kitchen and back to the laundry room. I started shaking. He looked at me and tightened his grip covering our hands with his second one. "I am here, Richard. I am here with you."
From the way he spoke, I knew Ashley must have told him about it. I suppose he heard it from her perspective. Scared little girl striving to be good. I believe he had some idea, but Ashley's punishments were never the same as mine. I was a man. I was supposed to be the strong one who could take it all. I think with Ashley, it mainly was fear and mind games he bestowed upon her. But me. I had to bear it all. Everyone knew it, and no one did anything about it.
My steps became so heavy I was afraid I would be unable to move further. Nathaniel came behind me and embraced me. Silent. I took another step and moved to the door all the way back. I don't remember reaching for the door handle, just me standing on top of the stairs looking down into the abyss. "I am here with you. I am here for you!" I heard his voice as I stepped down.
I am not strong enough to go into more detail. We spent hours down there. The basement was untouched. Nate told me that Ashley wouldn't ever step down here, and Nate himself was here only a few times when it was necessary. He said that Ashley had spoken with him about this place, but as I saw him react to my side, I knew he had no idea. I started out cold and on point, but as some of the details flew out of me, I became a scared child in his safe arms. I could see deep anger in his eyes, sadness, and compassion.
"If it were up to me, I would have burned this house down, and the fire would start here. I dreamed so many times about it. But when I could buy this house, Ashley wouldn't let me. I think she knew what I would do with it. She loved our parents very much. I think I loved them too, but there is just too much I will never be able to forgive them. And I lost faith, so I don't believe I will meet them in the afterlife or they could hear me if I would lay all my burdens out for them. They died before I could forgive them; now they just rot, and I will never be able to deal with it." "You don't need their presence to forgive them." "I would need to know that they are sorry and they never will be able to be, cos they are not anymore." "Do you think there is no other way?" "Why? It doesn't matter anymore anyway." "It seems it does to you." "Not usually. It's just this house. Even though you two changed a lot, it still brings back too many memories." "Then why not make new ones?" He looked at me, and I hugged him. "Can we just leave now?" "Of course."
We went to our room hand in hand. Nate turned off his laptop and switched off the lamp. We undressed and lay on the bed under the blanket. That night I fell asleep again in his arms and wouldn't want it any other way.
. . .
Morning came, and I felt somehow lighter. I was not in a good mood, but I definitely felt better than I thought I would feel after yesterday's turmoil. He was already awake, watching me. "Were you watching me sleep?" He smiled and gave me a peck on the lips. "Yes." I snuggled closer to his chest, and we lay there hugging for a few moments in silence. Have I ever felt this connected to someone? Damn... This man is really breaking my heart! Or is he putting the pieces back together?
"Why can't we be together without any of this drama?" "I wouldn't have met you if I hadn't married Ashley." "Still, couldn't you be just her friend? You know her confidante when her bad brother comes to live with her?" "Well, knowing Ashley, she wouldn't have told me. She has many good friends, but there are very few people that she lets see beneath that 'perfect' persona she has built around her. Actually, now that I know you are alive, I believe it's only four of us." "Tina and Becky?" He smiled, "Yes, exactly." "How are they? I haven't seen them since I moved away. Well, scratch that, since the funeral, but I didn't talk there with anyone." "They're fine. We could invite them over when all this blows over." "Sure, Ash will need some help guilting me for ruining her marriage. "I believe we can make this work. I know Ashley well, and she is not possessive, and she is giving and caring." "Giving to the poor and giving her husband to her brother are two different things, Nate, and don't forget she will fear for our afterlives her whole life. She is the older sister. She was always the one carrying everyone's burden. Even when no one asked her to." "That's true. But Ashley cares, and she loves us." "I think that only makes things worse." "I would disagree and hope I am right." "We both can hope, but I don't think there is enough prayer out there to make me straight and not want to be with you." He hugged me tighter "Me neither."
"Can I ask something? Do you hate Christians?" "No! Definitely not. I have many good friends that have faith in some kind of Deity. I just lost mine." "Really?" "Yes, Jerry is actually very devoted." I lay in his arms and absentmindedly brushed the hairs on his arm as we talked. It was nice. "No way! I wouldn't have thought so!" "Yes, and his father is a preacher. Actually, if it weren't for that family, I would have hated religion as a whole, I think. But Mr. Harris was the nicest man ever, and his view of the love of God is beautiful. So if I could believe in God, I would choose his church." "That's nice. I just thought Jerry wouldn't be so..." "Promiscuous?" I laughed "I was thinking how to put it." "Well, I agree. I was shocked myself. But I think it's because Jeremiah wants to have sex, yet he chooses wisely who to introduce as his boyfriend. And he has this rule: if he feels butterflies and cannot focus around the person he likes, Jerry won't want to have them as a partner for life." "What? Really? I thought people generally thought that's the way you find out you are into someone." "He has this idea that the person best for you brings out the calm and strong side of you, not the exact opposite. He only fucks people like that." I smirked. "Well, I must say that I can see his point. So that's why you two only slept together?" "Well, not really. As I told you, I met his family and everything. But I was too focused on my work, and Jerry decided to keep it casual. We are really compatible in sex, and we trust one another, but he said he would not want to be the one who would end up nagging me about spending too much time at work and too little time with him. I changed shortly after that, thanks to him, but it was too late, and we agreed to keep the good between us." "That's something... I am speechless. So he was one of those relationships?" "Yeah, we've been together for over two years, and we lived together for about six months. Jerry was a huge support when I was building my businesses. And in the end, it was the thing that broke our relationship." "Do you miss him?" "Some parts of him for sure, but I wouldn't change anything if I could."
"Did you have butterflies when you met me?" "No. I just thought you were really hot, and I hoped you weren't the one who thought my sister was a good match." "Damn." He shook his head "Did you have butterflies?" "No, I was mad and thought of you a few not really nice things. For the most part of the first month, I would kick you out if I could." "But then you found my cum stained briefs, and you got addicted." I grinned "I think that's an oversimplification." "But correct," I added We both laughed "But correct." Nate finished with a smile.
"Do you remember that experiment you wanted to try?" "Yes?" "We could give it a go." Nate kissed me "Are you sure? I don't want to pressure you into something that's not your style." "I can try it and decide if that could work for me." "Ok." I smiled and kissed him excitedly. I looked at the clock. It was close to seven in the morning.
"So what now, coach?" "Coach? That's hot! Maybe I can find some old jersey, and we can role-play later." "You played?" "In high school. I am quite tall, and my father was a huge basketball fan, so I didn't have much say in that matter. But I liked it. I got Steve, thanks to that." "I want to hear about that sometime." "You sure? I just mentioned two exes in like twenty minutes. Usually, one is more than enough to ruin the mood, isn't it?" "No. I am not possessive either, and I want to know about you. Should I feel threatened by your past?" "No, just future." "Not today." He kissed me and stood up, stretching his back. "So Steve, Ben, and Jerry. I am curious about the last two." "How do you know I counted Ben?" "Didn't you?" "Yes, but how did you know?" "I saw the way he looks at you. I am pretty sure that was one of those times you bottomed." "And how did you know we dated?" "He doesn't look at you like a friend or a fuck-buddy. He looks like someone whose heart you've broken."
"Damn, man, is there anything you are not perfect at?" He laughed. "Many things. I am not perfect. You just think so cos you like me. I have the same problem with you." "You think I am perfect?" I laughed "Yes, in many ways, I admire you very much." "Well, I am flattered. But maybe we should get moving." "Right, coach, lead the way." "Tease." I kissed him deeply, bringing him back to bed and pinning him onto the pillow. Then I stood up and went into the bathroom. "Get ready for a run. Quickly." "Yes, coach." He said with a smirk.
We dressed and went down. Ashley was up, and we told her we were going to jog a little. She said she was not hungry yet and could wait for us. So we ran my standard morning five miles and came back. Showered together and had a quickie watching ourselves in the mirror. Then, we brushed our teeth, and I went to get dressed while Nate shaved and did his lotion magic. I made breakfast, and we all met in front of Ashley's door. For the most part, we had a pleasant conversation, and when Ashley asked how I was feeling, I could honestly say I was fine. . We then went up and sat behind my desk. "Right. Phase one. Here." I handed him an empty notebook from the drawer and a pen. "Write down the main tasks you need to accomplish." "How many should there be?" "Everything you feel is needed to do." "That may take a while ." "Good, then start." I gave him some time and wrote mine for the day. Prioritized them, and then I waited for him. "Ok, I got it." "Good now. Before lunch, you will have two blocks. Each will be one hour. Make a list of those you want to complete in each. If you need to answer emails, put that somewhere cos you will be doing only this." He was good. He prioritized them in the first sheet and assigned a number to each task from the first page and then put into blocks only the corresponding numbers instead of writing them again. Damn, I never thought of that. "When we come from lunch, you will fill the last three blocks. Now. I want you to do only the tasks from this hour's first block. It's called deep work. " "Right. When does it start?" I kissed him, and we made out for a good minute. Then I gave him a smack on the lips and said, "Now." He chuckled and began to work. . I went onto my bed and started working as well. After an hour, my watch started vibrating. I finished what I needed and came to Nate. I kissed his neck. "Finish what you need and come." He smiled and, with a triumphant gesture, raised his hands. "Done, coach." "Fucking tease. I will need to find that jersey for you." "Do you think I would fit into your high school jersey?" "No. It will be tight as hell. I was skinny then, but you will be hot as fuck!" Nate just grinned. "What now, coach?" "Let's get moving." . We drank some water, and we trained a little. It's been a while since I've seen Nate on those rings. He took off his shirt and was only in shorts with nothing underneath them. It was hard not to spend this break fucking his brains out. "Today is Wednesday." "Yeah, it is." "Didn't you say you are meeting Ben and some guys for training?" "Yeah, I am. Why?" "Could I join you?" "Fuck, are you serious?" "Well, since you are my coach for today, you tell me. Will I be working after five?" I came to him, hanging on the rings, and took his head, kissing him. "You bet you can come!" "So your ex can watch my ass while I will be climbing your friend's wall?" He whispered. In the end, we were in the hall, and Ash was just downstairs. He let go of the rings and hugged me. "You really are observant." "You were pretty obvious in that kitchen. It was hot, to be honest. You two looked like you were talking about devouring me whole." His low voice was fucking sexy. I wanted him so badly. "We kind of were. Would you be up for that?" "He is married." "They have kind of open relationship as long as they always come back to one another. Well, they slowed down a lot since Sheila was born. But they are really cool." "I don't know if I am ready to share you or to be shared, but I don't mind keeping that thought in the back of my head somewhere. Would you like that?" "Seeing Ben fuck you?" I had to think there for a moment. "No. Not really. I mean, it's a hot picture, but for now, I would prefer to have you only for myself. Who knows what the future brings." "What about Peter?" "Peter is a little power-bottom. He is amazing, and I think he loves you, but let's keep it just us two for now." Nate kissed me and smiled tenderly. "I agree." . "Which reminds me. Ben is not the one you should worry about if you are coming tonight." "Who is?" "Ross. You are exactly his type, and he will let you know immediately. Married or not. You could have four children and be happily married, and he wouldn't care. Actually, that'd be even more thrilling for him. Damn!" I facepalmed and laughed out loud, realizing the circumstances. "If you go there, like my brother-in-law. Presumably straight, married, tall, muscular, bubble butt, those fucking eyes! He will be all over you. And, if you'd have kids, he would be determined to put you down." "That doesn't sound really appealing, to be honest." "He's self-pronounced Alpha, and Ross loves hunting other alphas. It's a thrill for him. But he is a good guy. I can vouch for him. Just if I had a good friend, I would never introduce him to Ross." I hung on the bar and started some push-ups. "How reassuring. So Ross is the fourth?" "Ross? No! Well, we fucked a couple of times, but no." "Right. Have you also slept with the rest?" . I looked at him to see if he minded that, but he looked more amused than anything else. He was grinning. "Ted is a sweetheart, but no. I don't even know if he's gay. If he is, he doesn't talk about it. And Cor is Cor. We never slept together, obviously." "You never slept with a woman?" "No." "Not even out of curiosity?" "How many straight men would you ask this question about sex with a guy?" "Sorry." "It's fine, just asking." I finished the set and played there a little, trying some movements and holds. I was just enjoying my life for now. Actual training will come in the evening. . "So, in short, three out of five people there fucked you." "And I fucked them." I winked at him "Who of them did you fuck?" "Gentleman doesn't disclose such information." Nate laughed wholeheartedly. "What the heck?" "No, this particular person or people wouldn't like it if I talked about this, so I will keep that to myself." He just laughed. "In that case, I think I have an idea, but I will not try to pry." "Good boy." I leaned to him from above and kissed him. "My watch vibrated a couple of minutes ago. Do you feel like the next segment?" "You joking? I am pumped. Let's go!" . We weren't sweaty, but I could feel his smell, which was arousing, but we managed to concentrate a good deal. When we finished, we came down and made some food, and ate again with Ash. Then went again up to work, moved, and repeated. Then, when we needed to call, we went to Ashley's bedroom or in the hall, and I had one of those delightful days when I felt genuinely happy.
My phone alerted me about the message, but I got to it on break. When I looked at it, it was Ben. B: You still up for tonight? R: Yes, btw Nate's coming It took maybe twenty seconds for Ben to reply B: Fuck yes! B: How are you introducing him? Ross will be all over him R: Nate's big boy. He can handle himself. Then I looked at Nate, who was now stretching a little. He looked at me, and I thought about Ben's question.
"We should talk this time," I said with a smile.
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I. Dusk