It took me some time but chapter 2 is out, 3 is almost ready and I really hope there will be more time to write. Enjoy!
Marcos
Hunting Season: Boyfriend Wanted! - The Deal -
The sound of raindrops touching my window woke me. Turning in my bed I faced the window. The night wasn't too dark. As usual by rainy weather the city lights got reflected on the cloudy sky, which made the night quite bright. Yellow rays of the streetlight filtered by the remaining leaves of the trees were playing on the raindrops. Falling on the glass, after something what seemed to be a moment of hesitation they made their way downwards, slowly at the beginning, then more and more quickly, leaving a little stream behind themselves. They kept on running down, all of them, sometimes one next to the other one, not meeting for the greater part of their journey, and then at the end, without knowing how, or why their roads crossed and the two drops became one. The entire scene just reminded me of people. Suddenly there I was running down on the road of life, at different speed, but always down and down to an end, growing in age and experience, but still alone. I wonder whether there was another person whose destiny was so similar to mine, who was traveling along the road of life, who was looking desperately for someone to love.
There was no way I could go back to sleep. The golden lights charmed me. The night seemed to be so long. Shivers were running up and down my spine as the wind expressed his anger on the canopy of a tree. I needed to crawl under my cover. Actually there was one thing I really really needed and that was love. A lot of love and caring.
Tossing and turning in my bed I remembered all the bad things, the way my parents and friends were talked about gays. God knows how often I had to hear how nice this or that girl was, and what a great couple we'd make. I was sick of it, I never wanted to hear that again. The silence and hiding was making me sick. I didn't want to lie to my parents, I never did and it was getting too frustrating to be forced to lie. And that after so many years of honesty.
Pictures of my big loves came flashing through my mind. Every thunder clap or lightning flash seemed to hurt me. There was always a memory, the hopeless love, the found and lost ones, the love of my fantasies.
I remembered my last conversation with Christian. It was time to realize there was so much truth behind those simple words... They say you have to go your way, your own, without caring what others say or do, just listen to your heart and make your own decisions. It was me now on the crossroad. And I had to make that decision even if it was in the middle of the night. It always came like that, make a decision, but never at times where there was someone to give a helping hand or advice. No, all important decisions had to be made alone. Life sucked because it forced you to decisions and it always leaft you alone. I felt my eyes tearing up, but I knew there was no possibility to cry. I wanted to face this at least like a boy, because facing it like a man was just not possible.
I slowly got up and went to my desk, turned on my computer and waited. It was just a couple of hours ago where I activated my profile, but there was nothing else I could have imagined to do at 4 am. Maybe it was this strange feeling of wanting to belong somewhere. I felt so alone and vulnerable. I just needed someone to talk to. Nothing better than a chat session.
Newbie<<: Anyone around?
Destiny<<: Sup guy?
Newbie<<: Just needed someone to talk to...
Destiny<<: Like about what?
Newbie<<: Dunno, stuff, being gay?
Destiny<<: Whoa! Poor guy... I pity you... Are you in a coming out crisis or something like that?
Newbie<<: Maybe. I'm not sure where I stand.
Destiny<<: Well your profile is quite obvious...
Newbie<<: Is that so wrong to be on the hunt for someone?
Destiny<<: No, just the sincere info, You're a beginner, aren't you?
Newbie<<: Something like that... is it so obvious?
Destiny<<: ;-)
Newbie<<: Damn, I'm too obvious... :-)
Destiny<<: What do you really want now?
Newbie<<: I need a guy, I need experience, I desperately need to discover myself.
Destiny<<: See
Newbie<<: Just don't have anyone willing to do it...
Destiny<<: Maybe you should wait...
Newbie<<: I can't!
Destiny<<: ?
Newbie<<: I 've been waiting for so long now, I need to do something...
Destiny<<: With 20? I think you are still young...
Newbie<<: You don't understand. There is an inner urge to do something.
Destiny<<: What makes you think I don't know it? I also feel it...
Newbie<<: And you are not going to do anything about it?
Destiny<<: No!
Newbie<<: Why's that?
Destiny<<: Cause I find it under my level.
Newbie<<: Under your level?!?
Destiny<<: Yeah, like something I wouldn't want to do. Under no circumstances.
Newbie<<: Welcome to the club. That was MY opinion too.
Destiny<<: Was?
Newbie<<: Yeah, it isn't anymore. I realized the only one who has something to lose because of all this foolish pride is me!
Destiny<<: It isn't just pride. It is so much more.
Newbie<<: Yeah sure, self respect, dignity etc.
Destiny<<: For instance...
Newbie<<: And because of all that I risk being alone...
Destiny<<: Everything has it's price in life...
Newbie<<: Well this time the price is too high for me.
Destiny<<: What if you will regret it?
Newbie<<: God god, you sound like my conscience!
Destiny<<: If you lost yours someone has to help you/ ;)
Newbie<<: No, I need help to do the opposite, like all the thing you obviously wouldn't want to do!
Destiny<<: OK, Ok stop the joking now...
Newbie<<: I'm not kidding! I really wanna do it!
Destiny<<: You really are willing to give up all and everything for some occasional fun?
Newbie<<: Maybe...
Destiny<<: Yes or no!
Newbie<<: YES!!! Happy now? Y E S!!!
Destiny<<: Yeah sure, like you would do it!
Newbie<<: Wanna bet?
Destiny<<: Funny...
Newbie<<: By the end of the month we shall compare what we have done, and who did what, where we got with his FREE decisions!?!
Destiny<<: Guy, don't!
Newbie<<: So it is a done deal!
Destiny<<: Can I do anything to stop you?
Newbie<<: No! Meet you on the 31st of October here.
Destiny<<: And till then?
Newbie<<: Till then nothing. You live your life and I will live mine. And then we'll compare.
Destiny<<: ...
Newbie<<: Gotta go...
Destiny<<: Yeah, me too...
Newbie<<: So see ya in a month.
Destiny<<: Yeah, in a month...
Disconnect...
What have I done? A couple of minutes ago it felt like a huge decision, a decision I couldn't possibly make on my own... And now this? So I'm supposed to try my luck and live a month like none of my life? Does this mean I am supposed to do everything I wouldn't normally do because of my education, because of some rules of morality and good behavior I have learned at home or in school? I guess so... I guess this is like a vacation, something you want to enjoy because it can't last forever. I think everybody knows you can't live a life like that forever, but for a month... Why not!?!
I walked over to my window, opened it and enjoyed a fresh morning, the most fresh ones, the ones you only have after a stormy night. The morning sun stroked my face, I had to turn a bit to my right to be able to see something. And what a view!!! Across the street in the other building there was a guy was doing the same thing. One glance, another one, a quick shy smile, a cocky smile, a wink, and a then a raised eyebrow... I think I begin to understand nonverbal communication... Yes boy, I am gay and I am willing to come over...
Is that soooo easy??? Well... Let the hunting season begin!!!
To be continued
So what do you think? Drop me a line, see this is the most important thing for me, to know persons like or hate the story, what they would like to change. Waiting for your mails.
Marcos (tulindobebito@zahoo.es)
Special thanks to Billy for editing and to Nifty for publishing the text. ( Marcos Rojas 2006