Chapter Twentysix
The True Nature of S/M
Perhaps this is a good point to pause and reflect on the true nature of the master/slave relationship, which is not quite as obvious as commonly believed.
Ask anyone to define the meaning of "sadist" and they will come back very quickly with something to the effect "someone who gets sexual pleasure from inflicting pain". Everyone knows that - and everyone is wrong, or at least missing the real point. Pain really is not the OBJECT. Pain is merely one MEANS to achieve the true aim of the sadist, which is power and domination.
By the same token, the masochist craves submission. But it is not enough for the sadist to say "I am your master", he must demonstrate his power, just as the slave must demonstrate his obedience. The question is, how?
The absolute, fundamental basis of a master/slave relationship is that the slave is permanently available for sexual use, whether he is in the mood or not. In the majority of S/M relationships this first rule does not apply, which means that what you have is two consenting adults PLAYING AT being master and slave. Well, there is nothing wrong with that provided both parties are playing the same game, in effect saying "I'll pretend to be your master and you pretend to be obedient and submissive to my demands." To which the "slave" replies, "Yes sir, I'll do anything you want - provided it is not too extreme of course and provided it is something I like."
This is why most S/M affairs are unsatisfactory. Either the master demands more than the slave is prepared to give, or, worse still, demands less of the slave than is wanted. Either way, when the "let's pretend" slave has had enough, he will say so and leave.
In the (much rarer) true S/M relationship, that never happens. The slave is available to his master until he is finished with and dismissed. Of course there are times when the slave is exhausted/ has a hangover/ is starting a cold and feels completely un-sexy. In such a mood, if his master reaches for him, even the genuine slave might shrug away, wanting nothing more than to be left in peace. But if he has a real master, that is not an option. If his master wants a fuck, then his master takes a fuck. It is as simple as that, for a true master is not a nice man. He is not considerate. He is greedy and selfish and demanding - the typical dominant male!
Although this right of a master to fuck his slave on demand is absolute, he will also seek other ways to prove his dominance, and here begins the process of escalating demands designed to probe the limits of his power. Does he have the right to demand that the slave shall do more than passively submit? Can he demand active submission? "Suck my cock" he orders, and the slave obeys. OK, how about this then, "Lick the muck-sweat from my armpits" or "Drink my piss". Again, the slave is eager to demonstrate his obedience. The master is disgusted by such submissive depravity and decides it must be punished. He picks up a cane or strap and requires his slave to bend over the arm of the sofa and take six of the best.
"Aha!" you say, "so now we do get to the pain bit after all. A sadist is a man who likes to inflict pain, just like I said." But no, the real point is that the slave has been ordered to offer his arse to the cane and is doing it, voluntarily, not because he is eager for the pain but because he is eager to demonstrate his submission to the dominant male, even at the cost of pain.
Does that mean that the beating can be a mere token - a series of light taps? Oh no! The beating must hurt, and, what is more, it must hurt rather more than the slave wants it to. Only then can he show his obedience to his master's will by remaining in position until the punishment is complete, even though it hurts too much! And afterwards, any true masochist will not need to be told what to do, he will automatically slip to his knees, take the hand that still holds the cane and kiss it in true humility, even kissing the cane itself, the very instrument of his suffering!
"That is all very well" you might object, "when the victim is free and voluntarily submits to the pain, but what about when he is strung up to meat hooks, naked, defenceless, perhaps even hooded, while a sadist whips him about the body? Are you saying that the flogger is not enjoying the pain he is inflicting? Enjoying the cries of pain? the body writhing and twisting? the sound of leather impacting flesh? the livid weals slashing across whipped skin?"
No, of course I am not saying that. Certainly he is enjoying all those things. But he is enjoying something else much more - the thrilling awareness of power. The power to flog another man, the power to make his victim jerk and dance under the lash, the power to make him scream and whimper and beg for mercy, the power to sign his name on that helpless flesh in raised welts. And what of the "victim" as you call him. Do you suppose he did not know what was in store when he suffered his wrists to be bound? He surrendered himself to the lash knowingly and willingly, but the pleasure was in the surrender rather than in the pain.
The sadist gets his kicks from domination and the exercise of brute power, the masochist from submission and obedience, but paradoxically this can easily turn into a situation where the masochist is in control and the master finds himself manipulated into doing what the slave wants.
"Piss all over me" begs the slave and the master who gets a thrill of power from pissing over his victims is happy to oblige. But who is using whom? This paradox is best summed up in the old joke:
"Beat me, beat me" said the masochist, "No!" said the master!
Indeed it takes an experienced and skillful master to avoid this trap of being used to serve his slave's hunger for humiliation, for a master who fails to meet that need will not keep his slave for long, but a master who lets his slave call the shots is not in control. A man like the Brigadier is a rarity indeed, for he has such a natural authority and command that he can afford to meet his slave's wishes occasionally, with no loss of control. If he does what his slave asks of him, there is never any doubt that he does so because it suits him. But even The Humiliator found it occasionally necessary to administer a sharp rebuke if he felt his slave was getting too pushy. (See the Chapter "Calculated Cruelty" which describes exactly this situation.)
So, if the exercise of brute power is what turns the sadist on, what about the masochist? What's in it for him? Well, what he gets is the euphoric pleasure of complete surrender. He doesn't have to think, or plan, or compete, or be responsible. He abdicates from worry and responsibility into a warm marshmallow world where all he has to do is submit and obey. Let someone else take the decisions. He regresses into a childlike state of dependence.
This happy state is not gained without cost though. There are arbitrary demands, stern controls, harsh repressions, degrading practices, sudden punishments, shameful humiliations to be endured. None of which may be questioned. His life is governed by the three rules of slavery; submission, submission and submission. And that is the way he likes it.
However it is not an easy option to be the weaker partner. Paradoxically, (yes, another paradox) it requires real strength. Physical strength to stand up to the demands of the master, but even more important, it demands strength of character. It takes courage, and dedication, and commitment. And SELF discipline too!
Consider this: you go to a man and he strips you, beats you and sexually abuses you. Later, he demands that you return for a second visit. In the case of going to The Humiliator, that meant a three hour drive. Do you imagine it is easy to drive for three hours to a destination where you know you will be obscenely maltreated, degraded and tortured? Even though the idea of such mistreatment excites you, it is not easy. Your bowels heave, your stomach clenches, your mouth dries. And when you actually arrive, you get out of the car and your legs shake uncontrollably. You have to force yourself to walk to the door, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other.
No, serving a man like that is not easy and is no job for the faint hearted. It takes guts to be a slave!
But once you are in there and he has you stripped down before him, and you feel his strong hands groping your flesh, taking possession of you, ah! then, as you surrender yourself to him, you know it was worth the anguish and the struggle. What is more, you actually hope that he will make extreme and unreasonable demands on you, for how else are you to show the totality of your submission to him. How else can you prove that you are his obedient slave, eager to serve him?
Power and submission, THAT's what S/M is about.