Human Condition

Okay, you know the drill, this story is a work of fiction, it contains sexual acts between consenting adult males. No minors or people who live in countries should even be on this site let alone reading this story. That said, I hope you enjoy it.

The Human Condition

By jfinn

Chapter 11

I left Joe turning slowly on the tire swing and walked into our shared home office and logged onto the Internet to check my email.

Yeah, I admit it; I'm hooked. Funny when you know that I made fun of Joe when he first got so caught up in the Net. I never even had a screen name until a few years ago. Amazing when you realize that I've been using computers for my work since the late 80's. Or maybe that was the reason. After all that tedious crap, I just couldn't figure out how they could be any damn fun.

But Joe finally convinced me to at least try and pretty soon I found myself addicted. I try to control it, and only do the whole cyberspace surfing, games, music, hi to my good friend, Eddie in New Zealand, one or two nights a week. But email doesn't count and I find myself checking compulsively, deleting spam and looking for messages from people I probably wouldn't even keep in contact with, if it weren't for the Net.

Joe came up behind me and looked over my shoulder. "Anything interesting?"

"The Men's Institute of Lucerne says they can guarantee to make my penis grow by 30% in just seven days."

"Big deal," Joe snorted and slid his hands around my waist. "I can make it bigger than that in just 5 minutes." And as if to prove it, he slid his hands under the waistband of my shorts.

God was I tempted, but I sighed and stepped back away from his talented hands. "Much as I'd like to see you make good on that, we'll have to leave it for later. We should get our gear together, they'll be here any minute."

Joe groaned. "Does it make me sound like a shit if I say I wish we could get out of this?"

I shook my head no. Because honestly - I felt exactly the same way. Last night and this morning had been so nice, so peaceful. Joe and me - alone, no family, no friends, no commitments to anything, but each other. It had been too long since we'd been this selfish and one night and a morning hadn't been nearly enough to make me happy.

"Listen," Joe said. "Let's plan a long weekend for July, just us."

I grinned, I'd been wondering when he was going to try and work this in. "When?"

"Um, the twenty fourth?"

I shot him a look and noticed his flushed cheeks. If you were to ask him, Joe would deny having a romantic bone in his body. But it wasn't me that always seemed to magically plan something special for us on our self proclaimed anniversary.

I frowned like I was thinking about it. Actually I always kept that whole week free, just in case

"Sounds good," I finally shrugged, pretending I didn't know what this whole deal was really about - because that is how we play this game. "It's a date."

"Cool," he grinned. "And I know just where we can go."

"And where might that be?"

"Well, Lucy told me she wasn't renting the carriage house this summer..."

I laughed. "Don't you think we're a little young to start taking trips down memory lane?"

Joe growled and pulled me to him. "Fuck memory lane, all I know is there's no phone and nobody would ever think to look for us there."

Which was bullshit and we both knew it. Before we'd leave, we'd give Lucy's number to half a dozen people and then we'd still take our cell phones and at least one back up pager. But it was a nice gesture, going back to our first home together. And if it turned out anything like our first weekend their together, both of us would be very satisfied...

July 25, 1989

I thought I was dreaming. Joe was leaning over me, grinning his Cheshire cat smile. The sun was shining through the windows and backlit him so his tan skin glowed. I smiled. I liked this dream! But when I closed my eyes again to keep it going, it was his voice that spoke to me.

"No way you bum! You do not sleep when I'm starving. Get your ass out of bed so we can get some food."

My eyes flew open. God, it wasn't a dream. Then it all came back to me; everything about the night before. I opened my mouth to speak, but Joe waylaid that idea by kissing me.

"Good morning!" He laughed. "How are you this bright and beautiful morning?" He knelt by the side of the bed and propped his head on his hands.

"Jesus Christ!" I whispered hoarsely. "When did you turn into Susie Sunshine?"

"Today, just now," he kissed me again and tried to stick his tongue in my mouth, but I pushed him away.

"Hey, no fair," I grumbled. "You already brushed."

"Yup," he agreed amiably. "And showered and shaved." I noticed then he was only wearing a towel. "Now get your ass out of bed so we can go get something to eat."

"With what?"

"Huh?"

"No car, remember? That's why I had to pick you up with Lucy's. And I know she has plans today, so I can't borrow it again."

"Oh," Joe sat back on his heels and thought about it for a minute. "Well, go get prettied up anyway. I'll figure something out."

He kissed me again hard and fast, and then stood quickly and went to look in the fridge. I could have told him he was wasting his time, but I was too busy admiring his ass and wondering how long his good mood was going to last.

Not that I was complaining. Shit, it was a relief. I'd been half worried that this morning might have been awkward. Joe wouldn't be the first guy who regretted deeds done in the dark of night.

Oh well, I shrugged and stood and only then remembered my hard-on that was no doubt making it's usual morning appearance. I looked down. Yup.

"Are you up yet?" Joe turned away from the empty fridge where he'd been squatting.

Since he didn't bother to stand, this put him in direct line of sight with my cock. I watched as he flushed, but that seemed to be the only evidence that my display might be having any effect on him. In fact, his eyes were cool and appraising, and when they finally lifted to meet mine, there was humor in them as well.

"Yeah, I guess you are," was all he said, and then he smiled and turned back to the kitchen to root through the cupboards.

Yup, I thought, he is adjusting nicely. It appeared that now that Joe had finally made his decision he wasn't going to waste any time pretending otherwise. I smiled to myself, as I remembered again how he'd been last night in bed when we made love for the first time - and the second - and the third. Nah, he wasn't wasting any time.

I shuffled to the bathroom and started the shower running. Then after staring at it a minute, I turned it off again. On second thought, I had a better idea. Instead, I shaved and brushed my teeth, and took care of the rest of my preparations for whatever the day might bring. I didn't dress though. I wasn't sure what Joe was thinking of doing, but I sure as hell wasn't going to discourage any possibilities.

I wrapped a towel around my waist and went into the main room. Unfortunately Joe had not only rummaged through my kitchen cupboards, but had also taken a minute to throw on a pair of jeans. Well damn! I sighed and went to my dresser and pulled out a pair of sweats. It was probably for the best, at least comfort wise, but I was still disappointed.

Joe was at the stove cooking something that smelled great though where the hell he'd found real food in my kitchen was anybody's guess. I walked up behind him and peaked over his shoulder.

"Mmmm, smells wonderful, what the fuck is it?"

"Corned beef hash. You had a can of it in the cupboard."

I shrugged. "If you say so, my mom always sends that kind of crap with me whenever I go home. Most of the time I never even look at it."

"Obviously," he said dryly. "I think I unpacked this when you moved in."

"I doubt it," I snorted, as I grabbed some plates and silverware for the table. "The way I remember it, the only thing you unpacked was the pizza."

I sat down and watched as Joe split the hash onto our plates, then went back to the stove and grabbed another pan and walked back over. He used a spoon to carefully scoop up a white gelatinous mass that wiggled alarmingly as he slid it onto the pile of hash on my plate.

"That's disgusting."

"It is not. It's a poached egg and it's good for you."

"Whatever you say Felix."

It took him a second, but he finally got The Odd Couple reference. "Asshole." He slid the remaining egg on his plate and sat down to eat.

I watched as he took a bite and then closed his eyes in appreciation. Suddenly, I forgot about being hungry. I was too busy staring at Joe to worry about something as mundane as food. Joe, who was here, with me, this morning - full of jokes and smart-ass comments - sitting across from me at this table, eating my food - things we'd done a hundred times before. It was all so familiar, so normal, and yet, everything had changed.

"What are you smiling at?" He asked. I focused on his eyes and watched as he got a little flustered, and I felt my heart flip over in my chest when I realized that I could make him blush like that.

"Eat your breakfast," his tone was gruff, but I could see the smile playing around the edges of his mouth. "It's getting cold."

Obediently I took a bite. "Hey," I looked at Joe, "this is really good."

He shrugged, but he smiled.

"I had no idea you could cook."

"This is not cooking," Joe snorted. "This is opening a can. But yes, now that you ask, I'm a pretty fair cook. I just never lived any place where I needed to show it off before."

The coffee maker had been chugging away this whole time, but now it gave a loud gasp to tell me it was done. I went over and fetched us both a cup.

"So that's what you're planning on, living here?" I was teasing, but he answered half seriously.

"If you'll have me," Joe smiled, but in back of his eyes was a little flicker of uncertainty.

He had nothing to worry about. The thought of him living anywhere else had never even occurred to me.

"Well, let's make it for a trial period, shall we? Like the next 50 years or so?" I raised my eyebrows questioningly.

Joe grinned happily. "It's a deal."

I lapped up the last of the hash. "But you have to cook."

"Hey, I thought this was supposed to be an equal partnership?"

"You," I went over and grabbed his empty plate. "Were misinformed."

I went over to the sink and filled the dishpan and gave it a squirt of soap. Joe brought the rest of the dirty pots and pans over to me.

"You wash, I dry?" He said.

I turned off the water and carefully dried my hands. Then I turned to him and wrapped my arms around him. I waited a minute to see what his reaction would be. He just grinned.

"No, they soak and we ignore," then I added suggestively. "I have other plans for us."

"Oh really?" Joe tried to sound sexy but his eyes told me he was still a little nervous. Sure we might have sucked each other's cocks the night before - several times. But daylight was different. And we both knew it.

"Uh huh," I pushed myself closer to him and twisted around so his back was pressing into the sink.

I pressed my groin to his and was gratified by the little lurch I felt under the worn denim of his jeans. I rotated my ass and ground in a little harder.

"Sweet Jesus," he purred. "If this is the plan, then I'm all for it."

"Only the beginning," I murmured into the ear I was nibbling.

Joe stretched his neck to give my mouth more room to work and laughed softly. "Goody. Shall we retire to the bedroom?" He waved his hand in the direction of my, no our bed.

I pulled back and looked at him. "I think I have a better idea."

I ignored his questioning look and slid my hand around the waistband of his jeans. I watched as his grin changed to a puzzled expression, as I didn't take the opportunity to grab him, but rather, turned my back and pulled him by his pants towards the bathroom.

When we got to the doorway I turned back towards him. "You still owe me a shampoo."

Light dawned in Joe's eyes and then they darkened as the suggestion took hold in his mind. Now it was his turn to pull me towards him and his kiss was fierce.

"You're right, and this time, I plan on finishing what I started."

His hands slid down over my ass and he pushed my sweats over my rump until gravity took over and they fell into a pile at my feet. I returned the favor by using both my hands to unsnap his jeans. Then looking at his face, I watched every click of the teeth register as I slowly lowered his zipper.

We were still in the doorway, but now we both moved to go into the bathroom at once and...

"Damn!" Joe laughed as our shoulders got stuck in the doorframe. "Are you sure we can both fit in here?" He pointed to the room in general and the shower specifically.

"Trust me, we can fit," I assured him. "We just have to turn in unison and make sure not to make any sudden moves." I gently pushed him into the room. "And we have to be willing to be close - very, very close."

"Mmmm, I like the sound of that," Joe practically purred.

I turned on the shower and then, knowing the limitations of my water heater, didn't waste any time stepping in and dragging my boy with me. The feeling of his naked and suddenly wet skin caused a shiver to run through me even though the water had already reached it's optimum heat. Joe was behind me and he snaked his hands around my chest and squeezed me to him.

"I guess there is something to be said for small spaces," he murmured into my ear and then gently bit down on my lobe.

"Oh yeah!" I moaned happily.

Reluctantly he let go and reached for the shampoo and filled his palm with a big dollop. A second later he began kneading my scalp. I bent my head back as far as I could and let him show off his specialty. The last time he'd tried this, I'd been too tense to fully appreciate how talented he was, but now I could feel my muscles relax as he worked the suds through my hair.

"You know," Joe whispered. "I used to dream about doing this when I was in Italy. Some nights I'd wake up and I could swear I could feel your hair tangled in my fingers. I love how it's so silky, and how the ends get all twisted and curly around my fingers."

That surprised me a little. I was still wearing my hair down to my shoulders and I'd been half expecting Joe to make some smartass comment about that.

"You still have it long, I see," there was that mind reading trick of his again.

I sighed ostentatiously. "Okay, I give up. I'll cut it."

Hey, I was in love with the guy. He liked my hair short. If cutting it would make him happy, then I could make the sacrifice. And if the truth be told, I was getting tired of frogging around with it, though I wasn't going to tell him that.

"Don't do it on my account," Joe said.

Huh? "I thought you hated it so much?" I struggled to turn around until we were facing each other.

Joe grinned sheepishly. "Well, um, yeah - I said that..."

I looked at him until a dull red stain showed on both of his cheeks. "You shit!" I said as the light dawned. "Are you telling me you actually liked it all this time?"

"Look," he pulled my head back under the water and started to rinse - mainly, I'm sure - so I wouldn't be able to look at him anymore. "I told you I was a liar. This was one of those things I lied about."

I grabbed him and pushed him back against the wall and then leaned in. "So what's the truth here? How do you really feel about my hair?"

"It's okay," he laughed, but he wasn't looking at me.

"Just okay, huh?" I got my face right into his and arched an eyebrow. "I'm supposed to believe that?"

"Yeah, it's... nice," Joe waggled his own eyebrows back at me.

"Nice? That's all you can say, nice?" I upped the ante by sliding a hand over his chest until I felt a nipple. I slid the nub between two fingers and lightly squeezed.

Joe's face immediately showed how much he liked that. "Umph! Okay, okay, I think it's hot."

"And so you don't want me to cut it off?" I rotated my palm, lightly twisting his nipple.

"Oh God," Joe sighed and pressed his rapidly filling cock into mine. "Don't cut your hair - don't change a thing."

"K," abruptly I stepped back and Joe almost whimpered. He may have been one of the slowest starters the world had ever seen, but now that he'd finally cleared the gate, the boy was putting his all into it.

I handed Joe a washcloth. "But your punishment for lying before, is you have to wash me."

I could tell by the expression on his face that Joe didn't think I was exactly a tough disciplinarian. He grabbed the soap and started to lather me up. After a couple of minutes, I wondered who was torturing whom here. He'd foregone using the cloth and was only using his talented hands on my slippery skin. He was very thorough, exploring every crack and cranny. It wasn't too long before our two rods were doing a sparing match that was going to end in both of them going down for the count if we didn't call an end to the round soon.

"Turn around," Joe's voice was husky. "I need to do your back." I was pretty sure he wasn't just talking about washing it either.

I turned, but slowly. This may sound stupid, but for the first time I realized that Joe might be ready for something more than a blowjob, and it was not an altogether happy thought. Like I'd said before, I hadn't had anything in my ass since Elliot - before that, if you meant anything even approaching consensual sex. Even with Kevin and Saul, I'd noticed how careful they were around my backside, barely touching it, which had been okay with me. Yes, I wanted it again and of course I'd dreamed it would be with Joe, but I'd never considered it would happen so soon.

Funny, I'd been so concerned about his being at ease, I'd never thought about my own issues. Now it seemed that maybe it wasn't him that was going to back away, but me.

"Joe, I..."

"Shhhh," his hand stroked my back and chuckled. "I just want to explore another side of you."

I relaxed a little and let my senses take over. I shivered as I felt his fingers brush the small of my back and then linger over one of my globes. He was delicate as he touched my surface with the soft soapy pads of his fingers, tracing skin and the muscle underneath. It tickled and yet at the same time it seemed to leave trails of fire that burned just under my surface. I realized I'd spread my legs and leaned up against the wall, shoving my ass further and further up in invitation.

So, I thought, through the haze of heat, love really does overcome all obstacles.

Joe's hand stilled as he came to the raised and angry looking welt at the top of my hip. The rest of my ordeal might be just becoming a hazy memory, but Elliot had left me with a permanent reminder by way of a six inch scar that puckered and pulled and itched like crazy, deep down where no amount of scratching could reach. Gently I felt Joe's fingers trace the jagged edge.

"It's okay," I whispered. "The doc says it will take a while, but it should get better in time and if not, I can have surgery done to take out the extra scar tissue."

Joe didn't say a word. Instead he moved in closer and wrapped his arms around me. His cock slipped between my legs and I sighed as I felt it slide into my hot crack. I thrust back as he slid forward and the feeling was so exquisite my knees almost buckled.

"Oh God," I gasped. "That feels so damn wonderful."

"I'll never let anyone hurt you again," Joe's voice was fierce, almost savage and I wondered how he much of that was a promise to me and how much was an acknowledgement of his own failings. At any rate, it wasn't something I was willing to pursue in the shower.

"Joe," I whimpered. "Right now the only thing I'm really interested in is that you've got your cock between my legs and it feels damn good! So do me a favor and just shut up and let me enjoy the moment."

He squeezed me hard and then chuckled. "Okay, you have a point," and to prove it he thrust hips into me making me groan again. "How much hot water do we have left?"

The question brought me back to the real world. I stood upright and turned to face him. "Not enough," I agreed sadly. Much as I was suddenly sure I was ready for Joe to fuck me, I didn't want it to end up being a race against a cold shower.

We rinsed off the leftover soap and got out of the shower. Both of us had left our towels in the other room so we padded out there wet and naked.

I went over to the bed where I'd thrown mine and Joe grabbed his off the floor by the couch. We were both in the middle of drying when he looked at me and grinned.

"I think we need to go shopping for a bigger water heater."

I laughed. "That might be a good idea."

I watched Joe watching me drying myself. His eyes were back on the whip mark and his face showed real distress. I sighed. Apparently, this was a conversation we couldn't put off any longer.

"Okay," I said resigned. "Talk to me."

"About what?"

"About whatever it is you need to talk about so we can get past this."

Joe was silent and I could tell he was really thinking about it. And as he thought, I took the opportunity to look at him. It was something I didn't think I'd ever get tired of doing and I felt like I'd been deprived of his face for so long. Now I scanned it greedily looking for changes and slight alterations. He didn't look as exhausted as he had the night before. The hollows in his cheeks and under his eyes were still there, but seemed softer somehow. I also noticed his lips seemed a little swollen and there was a slight red tinge to his chin where my beard had irritated the skin. I'd marked him and it pleased me.

I was so caught up in admiring him, that it almost surprised me when he spoke. "Are you really okay?" He asked softly.

I looked at him. A million smart-assed answers were on my lips, but I held them back. If we were to have any chance, we were going have to start being open and honest with each other. We'd wasted so god damned much time dancing around each other already.

"I'm getting there," I finally spoke. "It hasn't been easy, but I've had a lot of help from a lot of people and I think I can finally say I think it's going to be fine."

"You have no idea how much I regret that you can't include me in with that group," Joe's voice was soft and hesitant, but he never broke eye contact.

"Yeah, well honestly," I stared right back at him. "I wish that too."

He looked surprised, almost shocked, but if he thought I was going to just pretend we didn't have some baggage between us, he was dead wrong. One thing I'd learned in therapy - you couldn't let things fester unless you wanted to make them worse. We needed to deal with this and since he'd brought it up, I thought there was no time like the present.

"Look Joe," I went on relentlessly. "I'm not going to pretend that I didn't miss you or wish that you could have been here to be my friend if nothing else."

Now he lowered his head, but not before I saw the tears in his eyes - and the shame.

"But it's okay, Joe, really," I went and knelt beside him and cupped his chin in my hand. "You know, for so long I thought you were just about perfect. When I thought about you it was as this ideal man who was big and strong and smart and always knew all the right answers."

He sniffled. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Nope, and it was damn uncomfortable sometimes, having to try and keep up with this image I had of you. So when you ran..." Joe groaned. "When you ran, it was a shock and it hurt, but at the same time it was almost a relief. Because for the first time I could think about you as a real person and not some golden image I had in my mind. And you know what was really surprising?"

"No," he whispered.

"I realized that I loved you even more than I thought I did. Because nobody can really be in love with perfection, it's too fucking boring."

That got a laugh out of him. "Well then you must be head over heels with me now."

"Oh yeah," I agreed and kissed him softly.

He broke the kiss and smiled at me. "I want you to know that I swear my running days are over."

"They better be," I agreed. "Cause the next time I'll track you down like a dog, and it won't be pretty when I catch up to you."

I stood then and went back over to the bed and lay back on it. I thought that was probably enough truth for now. We'd have to talk about this a lot, but maybe - at least at first - it would be better to do it in small doses.

"Now, where were we?" I wiggled my eyebrows at him and then spread my legs to give him a good view of what I wanted him to concentrate on next. "I remember, talking about shopping for a water heater"

Joe blinked, but I could see he was just as anxious as me to put the last few serious minutes behind us. Slowly he stood and threw his towel down on the floor and swaggered over to me until he stood there towering over the spot where I sat on the bed.

"Oh yeah," he smiled wolfishly. "A very good idea indeed. But I think it's going go have to wait for later."

"Really? You have plans for us?" I teased.

"My turn," he agreed. "You picked the last time."

"Sounds fair, I gue... Oomph!" I grunted as Joe tackled me, throwing his body right over mine on the bed.

For a minute we were all arms and legs. I wasn't sure if we were making love or starting a wrestling match, but whatever it was, it sure as hell was fun. Then Joe removed all doubt by pinning my arms over my head and kissing me. He had ended up on top again, but I didn't mind a bit.

We meshed our hips together thrusting like two thirteen year olds who don't quite know how to go about things. But of course that wasn't the case - at least for me, and I decided to move things along. I raised my legs up until they were tucked almost into my pits. That put my ass on display nicely and Joe's next thrust slid over my hole making it twitch with delight.

Joe was in a rhythm now and so was I. I was looking forward to the next step, when I realized Joe had stopped moving. I waited for a couple of seconds, but he didn't seem in any hurry to continue and since I figured I knew what the deal might be I decided to let him off the hook.

"Look, if you're worried about what happened with me and Elliot, don't be. I mean, yes it makes me a little nervous, but..."

"No," he stopped me. "I mean yes, I'm concerned about that, but I figure you're not going to do anything you aren't ready for, and I'm sure as shit not going to make you, so I guess that's not really the issue." He stopped and took a deep breath. "The thing is that... Jesus, this is embarrassing, but... How the fuck do I do this?"

"You mean you've never...?"

He shook his head miserably. "Well there was one time with this girl, but... I'd rather not go into to it."

I stifled the urge to laugh. "Well first things first." I reached around and fumbled in my nightstand until I came up with the gay man's best friends, lube and condoms. I showed them to Joe and watched as he swallowed nervously.

"I'll just put these over here," I set them down in between the pillows. "That way they'll be near when we need them."

"You were a Boy Scout, weren't you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Not hardly, but I've always admired their motto," I pulled him to me and gave him a sloppy kiss. I stopped suddenly as a thought occurred to me. "You do want to do this don't you? I mean this is where you were heading right?"

Joe raised an eyebrow and looked at me like I'd just lost my mind.

"Okay, just checking," I laughed, and waylaid any comments he might have had by sticking my tongue back down his throat.

With that kind encouragement, it didn't take him long at all to get enthusiastic again. I was amazed to find myself right back in the same position he'd abandoned a few minutes before. Again, I broke the embrace.

"Um Joe," I whispered in between kisses. "Joe, wait."

He groaned, "What now?"

"We need to get you suited up."

"Uh yeah, right," he said sheepishly.

"And you need to get me ready," I grinned at the look on his face. "Don't worry, I'll talk you through it."

We both sat up and I reached back and grabbed the condom and lube. I looked down at Joe's lap. The sexual teasing we'd been putting each other through for the last couple hours was taking its toll. He could have punched a hole in the wall with his cock it was so hard. And I was starting to sound like I'd just finished the Boston Marathon. As I watched a drop of precum bubbled up from his slit and started to drip down the side of his shaft. I reached down and with the tip of my finger smeared the slippery fluid down his shaft.

"Keep doing that," Joe warned. "And things are going to be over before they start."

"Hmmm, don't want that," I agreed. I handed him a condom and watched as his shaking hands refused to obey his command to tear it open.

He saw me looking and grinned self-consciously. "You'd think I'd never done this before."

I took the condom out of his hand and popped it out of the foil. Then I took a dollop of lube and slicked Joe up. He hissed at the feeling, but said nothing.

"Well technically," I slid the thin latex down over his rod. "You haven't."

I handed him the lube. Maybe he wasn't experienced, but he caught on quick. He squeezed a blob of the slippery stuff on his fingers and shuddered, just from the contact. He looked at me and I could tell from his eyes that the reality of what we were preparing to do had just really sunk in. He didn't look a bit unhappy about it either.

"Warm it up," I cautioned, and watched as he slid it around for a minute doing just that.

I lay back down on my stomach and spread my legs and waited. It didn't take him long to figure this move out too. I felt his hand sliding through my crack until his finger made contact with my pucker.

"Ohhhh yeah," I encouraged him.

He circled my center again and again, and then tentatively pushed. There was nothing tentative about me though and I raised my hips and impaled myself on his finger. His hand stilled.

"Go ahead," I said hoarsely. "Explore a little bit."

Obediently he wiggled his finger and laughed when he saw my corresponding shiver of excitement. "God it feels so soft," he sounded surprised. "I didn't know it would be like that, almost like velvet or suede or something, and the musculature - amazing."

Right, only I really wasn't in the mood for an anatomy discussion. "More," I demanded. "Put another finger in."

There was no hesitation this time as he added a second digit. I was glad to see that my muscles seemed to be waking up to the memory of what was required of them and relaxed after only a few seconds. But even so, it was a bit uncomfortable. It had, after all, been a very long time.

I grimaced. "You need to add some more lube."

He was instantly concerned. "Are you okay with this?"

"Yes, just need a little more grease," I assured him.

"Okay," he forgot about the chill and squirted a big splash directly on my ass and I hissed from the feeling. "Damn! I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I twisted and looked at him. "Just remember paybacks are hell."

His eyes clouded over momentarily and I swore softly to myself. Shit, not another Cam. I wasn't prepared to bottom for the rest of my life. One of the things being with Saul had convinced me of. Oh well, I thought, one step at a time and for today, being fucked was exactly what I wanted.

Joe had put his fingers back in me while my thoughts wandered and I was glad to see that now the discomfort was almost completely gone. "How much of this stuff is enough?"

"When you think you've used too much, that's probably just about right," I managed to say through my sexual haze. A pretty good accomplishment when you realized my brain was working with almost no oxygen.

Joe added another finger and when he did, he inadvertently rubbed against my hot spot.

"Hummph," I grunted and got a grin in response.

"You like that?" Joe asked, and then to prove it to himself, he found the spot again.

"Oh god, yes," I pulled myself up on my side; careful to keep his fingers planted in my ass, and grabbed his other arm to bring him in for a kiss. When we finally came up for air, we were both moaning.

"It's time," I gasped.

He pushed me back on my stomach and I pulled my legs up to my chest giving him an easy target. I felt the weight of him on my back and his now slippery cock slid home towards it's target and...

"You're shaking," Joe stopped. "And I don't mean that in a good way."

He was right. Dammit! It was Saul and Kevin all over again. I could feel the panic swirling in my gut. Goddamn, Elliot and every rapist who ever lived, including all those guys who thought "No" was a relative term that didn't include them.

Joe wasn't one of them though. He was off me like a shot and then he grabbed my suddenly limp body and pulled me to him. "Mike, baby - it's okay," he stroked and cooed over and over again until I'd regained some of my senses.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I didn't think this would happen. I want you so fucking much!"

"Trust me, my love, I already figured that out," he grinned a sexy smile and we both laughed at the small joke. At least it seemed to break the tension of the last few moments. I stopped shaking, and just to prove to both of us that I was fine, I pulled myself out of his arms.

Joe watched me until he was satisfied I really was okay and then sat back on his heels and cocked his head. "So, what happened do you think? What set you off?"

So typical, I thought. Of course Joe would be like this - practical, accepting, calm. First take care of it, and then find out what happened so it could be avoided in the future. It was these instincts that were going to make him a great doctor someday.

I sighed and thought about it for a minute. "I don't know, I think it was the fact that you were on my back and I couldn't see you. I suddenly felt trapped."

Joe nodded seriously and considered what I'd just said. "Okay, well maybe there is some way we can get around this," he studied my face. "Unless of course you don't want to try again so soon."

It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. "Are you out of your fucking mind?"

He laughed and then flopped back onto the bed and spread his arms. "Then take me, I'm yours."

I looked down at him. Mine. I shook my head - unfucking believable. I was being offered a miracle and who ever turns down one of those? I leaned over and kissed him.

This time it was Joe who stayed on the bottom and me who led the way. In the past this had never been a favorite position of mine, but now it felt right, I needed to be in control. Already Joe seemed to intuitively know what would please me most so he gave me that power. And although I could see by the clench of his jaw and the strain of his shoulders and the way his fists had gathered up the quilt underneath him, that it was damn near killing him to remain passive, he did it.

Luckily, once I felt myself back in my comfort zone, I was just as eager as he was. So I straddled his hips and felt Joe's cock brush against my back and thrilled at the thought that soon that big hard piece of meat was going to be inside me. And this time there would be no second thoughts.

"You ready?" My voice was an octave lower than usual and sounded more like a growl than something human.

"Oh yeah," Joe sounded just as stressed.

I rocked up at the same time I reached around and grabbed him with my hand. Then slowly I aimed my ass at him. Like a bull's eye beckoning an arrow, we met. I watched Joe's face as I slowly slid down on the head of his dick. His eyes widened and then narrowed as the feeling of impaling me took over.

It was a slow process, this consummation of our love. I may have been doing the driving, but I was still leery and I needed time to process everything my body was telling me. Thank god Joe wasn't as big as Cam. Although I'd always loved it eventually, the beginning of my fucks with him had always been an ordeal and I'd never really adjusted to his size. Joe, on the other hand, seemed to have been made for me. I felt full, but never to the point where I thought I would rip from the girth. It was such a relief. And when I was finally sitting on his hips I realized that for the first time, I'd been breached without losing my hard-on.

But it was more than size that made this a much different experience. From the very first time on that damn seductive boat of Cam's, getting fucked had been a real ordeal for me. The act of submission - of spreading my legs, and my ass so another male could mount me was almost more than I could stand. Of course I did stand it - often and with great enthusiasm. But still, there had always been that moment, that point where I struggled, almost in panic, to expel the object in my ass. Because to be penetrated, to be taken that way, just never seemed completely right to me, regardless of how good it got me off.

Not this time. Not with Joe. As I felt him enter me, I didn't feel dominated. There was no thought that somehow allowing his cock into my ass made me less than him. On the contrary, to look down and watch the wonder and pleasure in his face, made me proud. I could give him this - me - no one else. It was love, it was sex, and most of all it was completion for both of us. And I knew that no matter what ever happened between us, that this feeling would be there in my heart for the rest of my life.

I finally had him all inside. I was shaking again, but this time, it was in a good way. Joe was covered in sweat and his breath rasped in fast gasps that showed in his rapidly rising and falling chest. I realized again that this was his very first time with a man and it was obvious that the experience had affected him profoundly. Again, I was amazed that he'd been so docile. I knew from my own experience that the first time is so overwhelming it's almost impossible to not get carried away. But he'd hadn't tried to hurry me along or showed any frustration when I hesitated again and again, taking time to let the feeling of being overstuffed go away.

"I love you," we said it together.

Joe moved his legs restlessly and I could see that this was my cue. I wiggled a little and he groaned. I leaned down and grabbed his shoulders as a brace and then lifted my hips a couple of inches.

"Oh God," he twisted his head in a movement of unbearable pleasure.

My thoughts exactly.

I'd planned on taking this slow, reveling in all the feelings this first time for us was creating. Making a memory that we'd never be able to forget. Nice thought, but I found that once I'd started there was no way I was going to stop until the final explosion. Faster and faster I went, each time elongating my journey until only the head of his cock stayed inside me as I pulled out, hovering for just a second then slamming back down onto his hips. Joe helped me, thrusting up to get that extra bit, that little extra millimeter I seemed to crave.

My thighs were shaking under the strain and my sweat splashed onto Joe mixing with his own and gleaming in miniature puddles in the dips and contours of his hard body. Just looking at all that wet male flesh made my balls draw up and I knew it was time for some manual stimulation of my own dick. Joe had other ideas. He grabbed my hands and held onto them as he half raised and half pulled me down until our lips met for a hot, sweet kiss. I don't know if he'd known what would happen or if it was just dumb luck, but the change in position sent his cock charging over my prostrate and with a strangled cry that echoed in each of our mouths I came without ever touching myself.

My ass pulsed, once, twice, and then I stopped counting as my dick jerked and spewed its load on our chests and stomachs. Joe yelled my name as my ass transmitted its joy to his cock and, with one more shout, he joined me in my newfound state of sexual delirium and filled the condom with his hot fluid.

"Oh Christ, oh Christ," he murmured into my ear after I'd collapsed onto him. "Oh God, Mike," he struggled to raise his head and look at my face. "Are you okay?"

I blinked once, twice to get him in focus, and then I smiled blearily. "Well fucked," I said, then collapsed back onto him.

We were silent then, both of us still twitching from the assault to our synapses. I felt his fingers spasmodically clutch at my buns, pulling me closer, his cock still half hard and imbedded in my ass. I wanted to stay connected to him like that forever, but it eventually occurred to my sluggish brain that I had my full weight on Joe and that couldn't feel good.

"Don't," Joe sounded sleepy, but firm.

I leaned back down and kissed him, but I kept shifting my weight until I felt his still semi-hard cock slid out of my ass. "Gotta baby. You're probably about 10 seconds away from smothering."

"I don't care," he protested, but the deep breath he took told its own story.

"Yeah, well I do," I snuggled up to him and sighed as he wrapped an arm around me. "See, I plan on having you around for a long, long time and I don't want to do anything to threaten that."

"Gee and I thought you were being purely altruistic here."

"Nah, this was selfish all the way."

"So," Joe yawned. "It was okay then?"

I shrugged and decided to follow his casual lead. "Yeah it was fine."

Joe went absolutely still. I waited barely breathing for what might come next. Slowly his head turned and he looked deep in my eyes. I watched his lips twitch in response to what he saw, but that was his only reaction until he cleared his throat and started to speak.

"You know," he said conversationally. "You are the biggest smartass I've ever met and I'm going to make you pay for that."

I don't know where he found the energy after the morning we'd just spent, but suddenly his hands seemed everywhere, tickling me relentlessly, making me scream with laughter and then just gasp when I didn't have the breath for anything more. He ended up straddling me this time and he grabbed my hands and held them over my head and leaned in until his nose was only an inch from mine.

"It was fine..." he mimicked in a smarmy voice, then he growled and tightened his grip and glared at me. "You gonna tell me the truth this time or do you want more?" He threatened, even as he leaned in and stole a breathless kiss.

"Ungh!" I twisted and struggled to get free, but it was no use.

Joe switched both of my wrists into one of his hands and let the other hover threateningly over my belly. "Last chance," he warned.

"Okay, okay," I laughed. "I give up. It was great, it was perfect - it was the best fucking orgasm of my life!"

Surprisingly, I didn't see the triumph I'd expected, but instead there was real doubt in his eyes. He let me go and got off of me. Shit, once again I'd forgotten that this was all new to him. Of course he was vulnerable.

"Joe?" He wasn't looking at me. In fact he'd turned his back.

"Joe," and now I raised myself off the mattress and moved over behind him and ran my arms around my chest. "I'm serious here. It was incredible."

"Well," he said grudgingly. "It's not like I can take much credit, you did all the work." But he relaxed into me and I could tell his doubts were fading.

"Do you know that never happened to me before?" I said.

"Huh?"

"At the end when I came," I explained. "I didn't even touch my cock, neither did you, didn't even rub it up against you or anything else. That never happened before."

"Really?" He turned and looked at me.

I nodded. "Never. Not even close. And contrary to what the porn stories say, I don't think it happens very often to anyone."

"Hmmm," he grinned. "That's pretty cool."

"And what about you?" I demanded. "I haven't heard much about what you thought."

"Well..." he hesitated.

I knew it was my turn to hear some smart-ass comment about being so-so and braced myself. But Joe has always surprised me. I should have remembered that.

"It felt like the rest of my life."

In my life there are maybe a half a dozen really perfect moments. Joe had just added another to the list. Silently I opened my arms to him and we lay back down on the bed.

There were a million things I wanted to say and I imagine he had a few more pearls of his own to share, but the time for talk would come later. There are some emotions that words can't come close to expressing. We told each other more by the way we held each other, the way our legs tangled together, how our breathing changed into perfect syncopation, than we ever could have vocalized in any discussion no matter how long we talked.

So, on a hot July day, in dusty apartment over a garage and in a bed that was really too small for us, we let each other know that we loved other and we were committed to each other and we would do our damnedest to keep it that way. And we did all of this without saying another word.

I fell asleep and so did Joe. I know this because I woke first. It was afternoon now and the sun came in and dappled patterns of light through the wavy glass and onto our bodies. Generally Saturday afternoons in the summer are busy, noisy times in this neighborhood, lawnmowers and kids yelling, and radios tuned to Tiger radio. Today, however, it was quiet. The only sounds were an angry jay in the trees and the cicadas clicking away.

Joe slept on. His lips were parted slightly and the swelling I'd noticed earlier was even more visible now. I looked for other signs of our lovemaking and found them in a faint discoloration at his shoulder from a love bite and a splash of dried semen on his breast. We'd managed to at least dispose of the condom before we'd both totally fallen into a stupor, but that was about the only clean up we'd done.

I got up out of bed and grinned when I felt the soreness that goes along with having a cock up your ass. Such a strange blend of pain and satisfaction - and knowing who had caused me to feel that way just made it better.

I went into the bathroom and wiped off the sticky patches as best I could. I thought about another shower, but I was too damn lazy and besides it would be more fun to share later. I rinsed out a washcloth in warm water and padded out of the bathroom and over to the bed. I hated to wake Joe, but at the same time, I couldn't stand the thought of not being able to look into those blue eyes for another minute.

"Ahhh," he murmured as I started to gently wipe down his body. "That feels sooo good."

"It's time to get up," I whispered softly.

"I'm up," he moved his hips suggestively and I saw he was right.

"Yeah, but that's not exactly what I mean," though I had to admit it looked pretty tempting.

"Okay," he agreed and finally opened those baby blues. "What's for lunch? I'm starved!"

"Jesus, is that all you think about? Sex and food?"

"Yup, and in that order," and to prove his point he grabbed my arm and pulled me down for a kiss.

We might have gone on from there, but one of our stomachs growled. I never did figure out who's. So we quit with the necking and sat up and tried to figure out how we could prevent starvation with the minimum amount of fuss.

"Well, we could go out," I offered. "There's a little Mexi place within walking distance. Or you could call Beau and get your car. Then we could just go grocery shopping and get what we want."

Joe nodded. I half expected him to pick up the phone and call Beau. That was the logical thing to do. He'd left his Bronco in his old roomie's care and all he had to do to get his wheels was let the guy know he was back.

"You know," he finally said thoughtfully. "You do have food. There's burger in the freezer and a jar of spaghetti sauce and all the fixin's for chili."

"That'll take too long," I whined. Now that we were talking about food, I realized how hungry I was.

"Then how about a pizza? We could just get delivery for one of those. Or maybe subs if you didn't feel like a pie."

"Pizza? Spaghetti? Jesus, Joe, aren't you sick of Italian food?"

"I haven't had pizza in six months," he protested. "It's not exactly a staple in Italy like it is here."

"Still," I insisted. "We really should figure out a more permanent solution to our food shortage."

"Mike," he bit his lip. "Could we just stay here for a little bit longer? Just the two of us?"

Now I got it. Of course, Joe was a little bit nervous still about making his homecoming public. Especially on the arm of his brand new boyfriend.

"No," he said reading my face. "That's not it. At least not the way you're thinking."

"If you say so," I slid off the bed and grabbed my sweats.

"Mike," he was beside me. "I swear to you, I don't give a damn about what people think."

I looked him straight in the eye. "Are you sure? I mean I wouldn't blame you, but I don't want to be lied to."

"I told you," he said softly as he took me in his arms. "My lying days are over. When we walk out that door, we'll do it together and to hell what anybody thinks. And it'll be fine you'll see."

I didn't think it was going to be that easy myself, but he looked so determined and I wanted to believe him. "Okay." I relented.

"But," he continued and this time he voice had the coaxing tone he'd used on countless women in the years I'd known him and it made me smile to think he was naïve enough to think it would work on me. "The thing is, that I'm not ready to share you yet. Can't we just be for a while, just the two of us? Can't we just have the weekend to ourselves before we have to go out and conquer the world?"

And all the time he was talking, he used that syrupy voice, his body moving in on me, rubbing my crotch with his, stroking my arms with his long lean fingers. My head swam and I realized that maybe I'd been the naïve one if I'd honestly believed I could resist this guy. What the hell, I told myself, it did sound like a great idea.

It sounded even better an hour later when he was feeding me cold pizza in bed. Cold because we hadn't managed to do more than pay the delivery boy, before we felt the need to get naked and once we got naked well, you know the rest of the story.

And so it went: sex and food, food and sex. And in between there was a lot of talk. I finally got around to telling Joe most of what had happened to me in the months he'd been gone. He sat there white faced, but he didn't interrupt and in the end agreed that he'd go with me on Monday for my next appointment with Alice.

He told me more about Italy too and also about his conversation with Betsy, which it seemed had been pretty much along the same line as the one I'd had with her. He was as guilty about her as I was, maybe even more if that was possible. Another topic we could share with Alice, I thought.

We also talked about more prosaic things. How we were going to work the living arrangements, what Joe was going to bring into the house - we even discussed really buying a new water heater. Joe was going to paint too and do some carpentry, another thing I'd never known he could do. He was going to ask Lucy if she minded him turning part of the downstairs into a weight room, since basically there was nothing down there but mouse traps.

I would do my share when I could. And unlike cooking, construction was something I knew about. After all, my dad did own a hardware store and I had worked there through both junior and senior high. But now I was working full time at the law firm, so most of the renovation would have to be done by Joe and whomever he could con into helping him.

That was another thing we talked about. Cam. Joe was still unreasonably pissed off at him. I tried to make him see that, but it was going to take longer than a weekend to change his mind on that subject, if I could change it at all. I was going to have to try, I still worked with the guy and the funny thing was that now that we were absolutely not seeing each other, we'd finally become friends, something we'd never quite managed when we were dating.

Look, I could go on and on for pages telling you what we ate and how much we fucked and what we talked about, but I'm not going to. And in the end, those details really don't matter. What does is that in those two days Joe and I discovered each other.

Before that weekend, what we'd had was the possibility of love. Maybe even the hope of it, but certainly no more. It wasn't until we were there, together, talking, laughing, crying - trading sweat and spit and cum that we finally knew that this really was what we wanted.

But this little honeymoon of ours couldn't last. Joe was right, we were going to have to go out and conquer the world. Sunday morning when I stepped out on the porch to get the Free Press, I found a note taped to it from Lucy. She didn't say much, just that dinner was at three and she was expecting both of us. I walked back into the apartment where Joe was scrambling up the last of the eggs.

"Lucy has invited us for dinner today."

He didn't turn around but I saw his shoulders tense. "I suppose we have to go?"

I nodded though he couldn't see. "I have a feeling this is a command performance."

Joe shrugged and took the pan off the stove and turned to look at me. "Well, I guess we should be grateful we managed this much time alone."

We ate in silence. Afterwards, I cleaned up while Joe went into shave. I hadn't noticed him taking any clothes in the bathroom with him, but he must have because he was dressed when he came out. It was the first time in twenty-four hours he'd bothered with more than a towel and I raised my eyebrows.

"I thought I'd better go find Beau and get the car," he answered my unspoken question.

"You want me to go with you?"

He shook his head, "No, not this time," he smiled sadly. "Beau and I have some unfinished business and I think we should probably handle it with just the two of us."

"Okay," I probably knew better than he did what was going to happen, but he was right, it should be something they handled alone. "I'll call Lucy while you're gone and tell her to expect us."

"Good," he walked over to my desk and grabbed the grocery list he'd been working on since the day before. "Is there anything else you can think of?"

"Not unless you're going to break down and buy me those chocolate Pop Tarts."

Joe grinned and came to me and gave me a big sloppy kiss. "In your dreams."

He sauntered over to the door and opened it. I smiled at him as he looked one last time at me. It was stupid, but I hated seeing him walk through that door, and I don't think it was my imagination that made me think he felt the same way. We'd had such a short time to be alone together. It hardly seemed fair to think it was already over. But it was, and wishing couldn't make it any different.

Getting the truck from Beau, going to Lucy's for dinner, they would only be the first times we'd have to face people and let them know we were a couple. And they were relatively easy, because at least they were some of the few people who already knew what had gone on between us this winter. There were plenty of others who didn't. They would all have to find out, if not from us, from somebody.

As for our shared circle of friends, once Beau found out that Joe was back, it was only a matter of time before the rest of the guys would know. These were our best friends, it wouldn't be right if we didn't make some effort to formally let them know about our change in status. I didn't think anybody would really care or even be that surprised, but still it might be difficult, especially for Joe, who for all his bravado, was still getting used to the idea himself.

"Mike?" Joe was still standing in the door. I looked at him and watched as he grinned at me. "It's going to be okay, you'll see." And then he put his hands up to his face and spread his fingers in a parody of an old Bob Fosse move. When he saw I understood, he winked at me and drawled. "It's Showtime."

Then he turned and disappeared into hot glare of the morning sun.

Author's note: As always I'd like to thank all of you who have written me and encouraged me to keep on with this story. And for those of you who are wondering, there are two more chapters to go of this book and then I'll be taking a break (yeah I know, it looks like I've been doing that right along) before I continue with the story in a second serialization of about the same length, so I guess you'll be stuck with me a while longer.

As always I'd like to thank Nick Archer for his support and his allowing me to showcase my work on his great site, Archerland. If you've never visited there, I strongly recommend it. http://www.archerland.net

Until next time... Jayne