"How deep is your love...How deep is your love...I really need to learn...'Cuz we're living in a world of fools...Breaking us down...When they all should let us be...We belong to you and me" N Sync
How Deep Is Your Love Chapter -- 40 by JT Poole
Edmonton, Canada -- Steve's Housing Complex -- Howard and Justin
Justin's POV
Is this all a dream? Howard actually asked me to marry him today. What am I going to do? I don't know nothing about being married, hell I don't even know how to act. I'll just fuck things up and hurt him again. I don't want to hurt him, but I surely will if I go through with this.
"Baby what're you thinking about?" Howard asks me, rolling over in the bed, draping his arm over me and then looking me in the eye.
I just love that twinkle in his eye. Every time I see him smile like that and look at me with that cute smirk on his face, it like makes me feel all tingly inside. I sometimes think that if he smiled like that and asked me anything I would agree to it. Wait, I just agreed to marry him. Oh yeah, I'm really in over my head.
"I...I can't say Howard," I say, looking down at the bed sheets, not wanting to look him in the eye again.
"Baby what's wrong? Why are you stiff and quiet all of a sudden...uh oh...you went to sleep and then thought about what we talked about earlier. You're having second thoughts aren't you?" He asks me as I don't make a move to answer him. "Look at me Justin. Don't do this. If you don't want to marry me, then don't. Don't make me..."
Damn I'm hurting him already. Maybe kissing him like this would shut him up. I can't kiss him forever. He's going to know what I'm doing and probably hate me for doing that. What am I going to do? I need to go talk to Josh.
"No Justin. Stop!" He shouts, tears streaming down his face now. "Don't try to distract me like that. I know you are avoiding my questions, so I'll take the hint and leave you alone."
"Howard no, I don't want you to leave me alone," I say, reaching him for as he struggles to get out of the bed. "Please Howard don't do this."
"No Justin, I'm not doing this. Can't you see I love you?" He asks me.
"Yes I can see you love me, I love you too, but marriage is a big step and I...I don't want to do something down the line to hurt you," I say, my tears coming faster now.
"Well I think it's too late for that right now," he says, grabbing his shorts, putting them on and walking out of the room, slamming the door.
Down in the Housing Complex's Gym
Joey's POV
I think I'm really improving with my rehabilitation. This guy seems to think that I'm healing up just fine and that the muscle movement is returning to normal. Doesn't seem like there's going to be any permanent damage with my arm or my chest, so things are looking good. Since the Feds took Leighanne away, I feel like a large weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I'd been walking around for the last few days scared that something else was going to happen to us. Thanks to Steve's quick thinking and Adam's skills with his gun, everything was handle good...good enough for me at least. I think Brian is somewhat sad at how things transpired with Leighanne and the police. I know he didn't want Baylee to see her taken away like that, but she brought this all on herself.
"Mr. Littrell are you okay?" Mr. Wong, my therapist asks me.
"Sorry about that, I was just thinking about some things. I'm okay," I say, looking up to see Brian watching me closely.
"Okay, just making sure sir. I thought I had hurt you some how," he says, looking down at me as he slowly lays my arm across my chest and then writes some things down on the chart besides him. "Alright, we're done here. You are free to continue working if you like, I will leave you now."
"Thanks Mr. Wong," I say as Brian walks over to me, lays down on the matt next to me and kisses me.
"What's up baby? You were lost in thought the whole time Mr. Wong was working with you. What're you thinking about?" He asks me, kissing me again.
"Just the events of the last couple of days," I say, moving to sit up as he pushes me back down.
"Nada baby, we're going to sit here and work out for a bit," he says, winking his eyes at me.
"Baby someone might come in and see us," I say, knowing what he was thinking of.
"I don't think someone will walk on us again. What're the odds of that happening twice in one day?" He asks me.
"I don't know baby, but this is a public area for anyone to come by and see us. Why don't we take this back to our room. I'm sure we can have fun there uninterrupted," I say, smiling at him as his leans down to kiss me, lying on top of me.
"Why don't we just stay right here and see what happens," he says, kissing me more, unbuttoning my shirt and pulling it over my head.
Outside of Howard and Justin's Room -- 20 Minutes Previously
"Howard is there something wrong man?" Steve asks, walking up to Howard. "Are you crying?"
"Leave me alone, I don't feel like...like talking right now," Howard says, wiping at his eyes and sniffling.
"Howard man, what happened?" Steve asks, rubbing Howard's back in little circles, trying to comfort him.
"Nothing Steve, I just want to be left alone," Howard says, pushing Steve away form him softly. "Just leave me alone."
"No man, come on." Steve tells him, taking him by the hand and leading him down the hall to another room. "Go on in."
"I don't want to talk Steve, so stop trying," Howard says as the sound of a door opening behind them could be heard.
"Howard! Howard! Where are you?" Justin calls out, apparently crying himself.
"Did something happen between you and Justin?" Steve asks, closing the door.
"Just let this go Steve, I'm not going to tell you what happened." Howard tells him as more of his tears fell.
"Well fine, you just stay here and wallow in your sorrow." Steve tells him, getting up from the chair and walking out of the room, bumping right into Justin.
"Oh thank God. Steve have you seen Howard?" Justin asks him.
"Why are you looking for him?" Steve asks.
"I need to talk to him man, it's very important. I hurt him when I wasn't meaning to," Justin says, leaning his head down and crying more.
"Come on man," Steve says, grabbing Justin by the hand and pulling him back down to his and Howard's room, pushing him into the room lightly and pushing the door up, but not closing it completely. "Why don't you sit down and tell me what happened."
"I ah...well...he asked me to marry him and I said yes..." Justin tells him as Steve's mouth dropped open.
"What? You said you would marry him?" Steve asks as Justin nods at him. "Then why are the both of you crying?"
"He asked me that earlier today and we took a nap and when I woke up I started thinking about things..." Justin tells him and Steve interrupts him again.
"So you told him you didn't want to marry him?" Steve asks him.
"No I didn't tell him that. He asked me had I changed my mind and I didn't give him an answer. I just told him that I feel I would end up hurting him and I don't want to do that. In my heart I really love him, but I know I will do something to fuck things up and he'll hate me anyway. I was trying to tell him that marriage was a big step and I don't want us to rush into things and hurt each other." Justin tries to explain as his tears overtook him again as Steve leans over to hug him.
"Shhhh Justin, things will work out. Just give Howard some time and I'm sure he'll listen to what you have to say.
"I've already heard it," Howard says, pushing the door open as he walks over to Justin and hugs him. "So you really want to marry me, but you're scared you're going to hurt me somehow?"
"Yeah I'm scared baby, aren't you?" Justin asks him.
"Yeah I'm scared, but I'm sure we can work on things that we have problems with baby," Howard says, kissing Justin again. "I love you baby."
"I love you too baby," Justin says, as Steve gets up and walks out of the room, leaving Justin and Howard standing there kissing again.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Contact Information
Mail: jtsplace@nctv.com
Date Updated: Thursday, May 05, 2005
STORY WARNINGS & DISCLAIMER:
I don't know any of the members of ?N SYNC, Backstreet Boys or any other celebrities mentioned. I don't know anything about their sexual orientation or the orientation of any other celebrities in this story (even though I wish some of them were gay). This story is fiction and you shouldn't take it for anything else but that. This is for entertainment value only folks.