Legal disclaimer: not true, all fiction. Don't read if you shouldn't M/M-situations, you have been warned.
Author's note: this part absolutely, thoroughly and utterly suck, I'm sorry. I have been fighting with it forever, and decided to stop tinkering with it and just send it since it's been forever since I've updated this story. Part of this chapter, more specifically the Lance/Justin part is originally an improv. My words were turkey, tantalize, boney white ass, amish, unbirthday and true colours. Love and looneytunes from Kat.
- Chapter 15 -
As they entered the hotelroom, Joey's hand still in JC's, Joey began to wonder what he really had asked JC to do. Sometimes he felt bad for laying this kind of pressure on him. All the bad stuff had been in Joey's past, and by sharing it with JC, he felt both better and guilty. JC meant the world to him, so why was he now afraid to be alone with him?
To share what should be a powerful, intimate experience, something to let your thoughts linger on and smile lazily about on days to come. He wanted to do this for JC.
The room was dark, JC didn't turn on the lights. "Come here, hon," he told Joey as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Unsure of what to do, Joey sat down next to him. "I know you're nervous," JC said gently, pulling Joey closer in a hug. "Don't feel that you have to prove something to me by doing this, babe. You are what matters to me, not what we get up to in bed."
"I know," Joey whispered, "but still... I'm sorry for being so...troublesome! You've been so busy taking care of me and I feel guilty." JC's arms held him closer. "Don't ever be that, love. Having you near is what makes my life right. If I could I would just be at your side, adoring you all day long." "You would?" Joey answered, letting himself be sheltered by his boyfriend's closeness. "I would just watch you," JC said, his voice low and spinning. "Worship you. Fending off anyone anyone out to steal you away from me, claiming you for mine alone. That's all I need to know, that I'll be forever near you. That you're never further away that I can reach out and touch you. That I can be close to the man who has my heart and my love forever more."
Now Joey felt like crying. He wanted, needed, to tell JC that he loved him more than he had thought humanly possible. That he felt hollow and unfulfilled whenever JC wasn't there. That he would most certainly die without him.
The words deserted him, tears fell from his eyes. The room all of a sudden felt too small, yet unrestricted beyond any limits. Feeling a love so pure, so intense, so near to a religious experience, Joey felt weak in JC's embrace. But he knew that he would hold on to him with all his might if someone treathened to seperate them. "I love you," he just said, repeating it, "forever."
Their lips met, slowly making a voyage over velvety surfaces that tasted sweet and warm. "I want you to make love to me," Joey whispered against JC's lips. "I want feel what you felt last night, I want to feel you." JC drew away a little and looked into Joey's eyes. "You are sure about this, love? You want this?" Leaning in and letting his lips glide over the warm, smooth skin on JC's neck, Joey answered. "Yes, I want you."
Moving up in the bed, Joey pulled JC with him. He was speaking the truth, he wanted JC. Even if his mind had started sending out nervous signals that made his palms sweaty and his heartrate climb. Still with his arms around JC, Joey laid down in the bed, JC on top of him, keeping them tightly together. The world ignited in the form of another kiss.
Their jackets and shoes were shedded more for comfort than from desire to be undressed. JC was going to take this slow, to let Joey have the chance to say stop if he needed to. Laying closely snuggled together on the bed, they started a dance of slow kisses and sweet caresses. The room was dark around them, letting them only see silhouettes and shadows.
They didn't speak much, just let their hands roam the other's body and their mouths taste the other's skin. Each item of clothing was removed, not hastily, but almost unnoticeable and tenderly. As naked skin touched naked skin, JC felt a buzz much more powerful than any alcohol could ever give him. Suddenly everything changed. He was on fire, a magnetic force was pulling him to Joey, an irresistible force that took control of him.
He kissed Joey again, and heard a small whimper in response, not sure it was a result of the strong kiss or out of approval. The world disappeared as the need and desire melted into their love for one another. Not for one second leaving his boyfriend, JC rummaged through the bag he had let right next to the bed. As his fingers conncected to the items he had searched for, he found himself hesitating a little. Was it the right time for this yet? Then Joey's hand slid in between them and found a certain part of JC's body. "Let me help you with that," he said, taking the items out of JC's hands. "Sit up a little."
JC did what Joey said and enjoyed the teasing, gentle pressure from his boyfriend's fingers. "There," Joey then said, his voice taking on a deeper quality. "Now you're all ready." "How about you?" JC asked, letting his fingers entwine in Joey's hair. "You all ready?" "I am," Joey answered. Before JC could answer Joey laid back again and pulled JC back down on top of him.
During the next kiss, JC pushed slowly forward, and felt Joey's body tense. "It's ok," Joey hurried to say after he sensed JC's hesitation. "I don't want to hurt you, baby," JC answered and let a small kiss linger on the corner of Joey's mouth. "You're not hurting me," Joey answered and tried to ease up on the grip he had on JC's upper arms. It didn't hurt, not that bad anyway, but it was the other sensations it produced in him that made him tense.
With a feeling that Joey wasn't being absolutely truthful with him, JC resumed his actions. Going slow and careful he was waiting for any little sign from his love that he needed to stop. He couldn't see Joey's face as the other was hiding his face against JC's shoulder. But JC could feel the quick, warm bursts of breath hitting his skin. Lifting his head a little, JC was able to look at Joey.
"Sweetie?" JC asked, looking into Joey's brown eyes. After seeing his boyfriend's eyes glace over in fear, JC felt a twinge of guilt. He should never had let Joey convince him to do this, Joey wasn't ready for this. "Babe?" he asked softly, "babe, it's allright." Joey didn't answer him, his eyes taking on an almost empty look and he turned his head away from JC, his body going limp. "No, honey, stay with me," JC pleaded, touching Joey's cheek. He got no response. Unsure of what to do, JC paused. He should pull away, but he knew Joey would take that as another failure on his own part. But he was scared, scared that he might do damage instead of good.
"Joey?" he tried again, knowing that his love had retreated to a place in his mind where he would stay till it was over. Carefully JC made Joey look at him again, and placed his lips over his lover's in a kiss. Tentatively at first he tasted Joey's mouth, then let his tongue brush past open lips. Joey didn't push him away, but didn't react to him either. He was just passive. The thought of what would usually have caused this reaction in his boyfriend made JC shudder. That was why he was so determined to not give up now, not to let this go and make it a dooming issure between them forever. A little voice told him that it was wrong to focuse on the sexual part that much, but JC just couldn't take the thought of his love to be afraid of the physical intimacy between them.
So he let little kisses tickle Joey's lips and cheeks, while softly running his fingers over his bare shoulders. His blood was on fire over the closeness between them, and the feel of Joey's body touching his all over. Sweat dripped down his back, rolling over knots of tensed muscles. Desire spiked in every nerce cell he possessed.
Sliding his hand up the back of Joey's neck and into his thick, dark hair, JC again let his lips claim Joey's, in another slow, tender kiss. Then he could feel the shy, light touch of hands on his arm. Not breaking the kiss, JC's heart raced over the knowlegde that he was about to break through Joey's defense mechanismes. He deepened the kiss however, hoping that it would make Joey answer him in the same way. As the touch of Joey's hands grew more confident, he did. Instead of saying anything, JC just stayed in the kiss, making the claws of the past slink away into oblivion where they belong.
As they both broke away for refillment of air, Joey all but breathed JC's name. "I'm here," JC assured him, "And we don't have to do this, love, it's making you feel uncomfortable." "I was feeling...uncomfortable about this," Joey admitted, "but I don't feel that way anymore. I know that you are not Jim. I want us to keep going." Staring into Joey eyes again, JC looked for anything that implied that Joey didn't mean what he said. "Are you really sure about this, Joe?" he asked. A small smile formed on Joey's face. The tension gone from his eyes now. "I'm very sure, Josh," he replied, placing his mouth close to JC's ear. Letting one arm rest over JC's back, Joey moved a little, making JC release a surprised moan. Small stings of raw electricity dripped down his spine, making it almost impossible for him to keep still.
"You're not making this easy for me," he groaned, smiling down at Joey. His answer was a sweet smile and then Joey pulled him closer for a kiss that fried the circuits in his brain that stood for coherent thinking. As he started moving again, slowly, carefully, he knew that this time Joey followed him, encouraged him. From there JC was lost.
All he later could remember was a fire of need and passion that ended in a smoldering turmoil that made pleasure tingle in every little fibre of him. That made heaven and earth rotate in a dazzling display of stars and fireworks. And all through it he felt Joey close to him, arms tightly around him, whispering sweet nothings in his ears.
Coming back to reality he found himself laying on his back, totally spent, with Joey snuggled up to him. "My God...!" JC stated as he reagined the power to speak. "You enjoyed it?" Joey asked, resting his head on JC's shoulder. "I LOVED it!" JC smiled, he hugged Joey tightly to him. "What did you think?" "I think..." Joey started, letting his fingers walk over JC's chest. "I think I could get used to that..."
"Good," JC sighed. His mind still buzzed with pleasure from the intense experience and left him slightly dazed. "I love you so extremely much, Teddybear," he said loving the feel of Joey in his arms, bith feeling pleasently sleepy and cozy. "I love you too," Joey replied. "And Josh?" "What, darling?" JC replied. "Thanks," Joey said quietly. "You're very welcome, baby," JC answered. "For not freaking out on me," Joey added. "I don't know...I guess it got a little too much all at once, you know?" "I'm sorry," JC said, " I should have noticed more how nervous you were." "I was very nervous!" Joey told him. Laying in JC's safe embrace, he felt like this could be the right moment to tell him this. "But I'm glad we did it...it was nice..." "Yeah, it was nice," JC giggled. "Very, very nice."
Justin had been thinking about getting up and turning the light off. Then he realised that the light was the sun, and that he couldn't turn it off. Then he felt the presence of a warm, strong body very close to his and he freaked. Nearly sitting up, his head sent urgent signals to stay in horizontal position. His mind managed to tie itself into a big knot, ends of confused thoughts everywhere.
"I... maybe he don't remember...do I want him to remember...what if he only did it 'cause he was drunk..." Justin feverishly tried to make a sensible thought out of all of it, hoping that it would tell him what to do.
It didn't work, he became even more confused. Turning to look at the person sleeping next to him, he smiled. It was automatical, even if he just saw a picture of him these days, his lips curled upwards of their own free will.
Silently putting bits and pieces together of what he had actually said at the club the night before, he blushed. And it also gave him a little more courage. His neck still tingled with the teasing featherlike touches none of the others had noticed. Leaning over his sleeping friend, Justin gently patted him on the nose with a finger.
"Lance!" he whispered. "Lance, wake up!" The answer was a groan and Lance buried himself in the covers. "Wake up!" Justin whined. An incomprehensible response later he tugged the blankets away from Lance's head. A pair of sleepy, green eyes looked up at him. "What did you do that for?"
"Because we need to talk," Justin explained. "And we can't talk when you're sleeping, or hiding." Squinting in the bright light, Lance nodded. "I wasn't hiding. And I wasn't really sleeping either. I could hear you thinking all the way over to me, so I couldn't sleep."
"Then what were you doing under the blanket?" Justin asked. "Admiring your boney, white ass," Lance answered matter of factly. Justin blushed. "Well, you can admire my boney white ass all you want later, but right now we gotta talk about stuff." Lance's smile got wider and Justin blushed even more as he realised what he had said.
"Of course," he added. "If you're not going to be nice to me, I'm maybe just going to tantalize you with it instead." Rolling over to his stomach, Lance rested his head in his hands and looked innocently at Justin. "That mean I don't get to molest you later?"
Justin sighed. Then he smiled again. "I know we have to talk, Just. But you look so damn serious, I would almost think you're scared." "Maybe I am, just a little," Justin admitted. "Things happened a little quickly last night, and we both were a little drunk..."
"We just kissed, Justin," Lance replied. "And I liked it," he continued when he saw Justin's face. "Only kissed..." Justin said. "It was "only kissing" for you"?" Looking at Lance, Justin thought: "If he says yes now, I'm going to run away...become amish or something...live on a farm with a couple of cows, a horse and a turkey and be so happy that there are no electricity around for TV's or phones...or anything. I'm going to be miserable."
Lost in his thoughts he saw up to find Lance staring at him. "What?" Justin asked. "I just told you that it was a hell of a lot more than "just kissing" to me, and you look like you all of a sudden find yourself in Wonderland."
Thinking that Wonderland was pretty much were he was at the moment, Justin stared back at Lance. "Did you see any rabbits with pocket watches running through here? Or anyone wishing you a merry un-birthday?" "Only weird thing in here is you," Lance said, shaking his head a little. Without any further ado Justin sat up a little and took his pillow in his hands. After thoroughly wacking Lance over the head with it, he laid back down. "That's for calling me weird."
"Hmm, guess I deserved that," Lance agreed. "So, what are the two of us now?" "Human beings," Justin answered. The smile was back. "Hopefully boyfriends human beings." Since he almost couldn't believe that he actually had said that, he blushed yet again, nervously biting his lower lip.
"Ok..." Lance said slowly, and Justin could see that he was struggling not to laugh. "Will you be my boyfriend human being, curly?" Justin was laughing, but managed to squeak out an enthusiastic yes. "That is nice," Lance commented. "Just nice?" Justin pouted. "Here I go, flying my true colours, saying that I love you, and you think it's nice?"
Lance didn't answer, neither did he laugh. Instead his large green eyes held a shimmer that made Justin's heart do flipflops, then run away and hide in his stomach. "You never said that you loved me," Lance said slowly.
"I didn't? I didn't." Justin realised. Apparentely his mind had not yet untangled itself properly, still causing short circuits. "You mean that?" Lance asked, Justin was surprised to see that Lance was the one that looked nervous now. Feeling his cheeks heat up again, Justin nodded. "Yeah, I do." "Good," Lance nodded too, keeping up with his cryptical one word-answers.
Just as Justin was going to, in frustration, whack him with his pillow again, Lance continued. "That's good, because I think I love you too." "Good," Justin replied, putting his pillow back. "Very good," Lance agreed. "The goodest of good." Giggling, Justin agreed. "We're the bestest of best, the goodest of good." He was silenced by Lance leaning over and giving him a kiss on the lips.
"That's not the way to..." Justin started, his eyes shining mischievously. "I know, thank you very much!" Lance said. "And I should do it the proper way, or else you're probably gonna jump me like you did last night." "Hmm, I liked jumping you," Justin said, pondering whether or not to pout. "And you owe me a kiss." Lance was happy to oblige.