Wow! Been some time, huh? First, I'd like to majorly apologize for the almost 5 month delay in submitting anything new to Homoseduction. I'm SOOO sorry. So much has been going on and I just haven't had the time to write and, on top of that, when I did find a little time, I was stuck with writer's block. BUT I FINALLY got time AND broke down that block! YAY! ARGGGG!!! It's been forever, but here it is! Second, I'd like to thank the many people that pushed me to finish chapter 4. I'd also like to thank Kat, my very good friend (I love you hun. I hope you know that. I'm sorry we don't talk more often. Big hugs), for editing this. Third, lol, if this is your first time reading Homoseduction, welcome and I hope you like my writing. If you've been there since the beginning, I once again apologize for the delay. And thank you for your patience. It truely is appreciated! Fourth, I'd once again like to thank the many wonderful people who e-mailed me their support and encouragement. Fifth, I'd like to say that I'm now single again. :-) (PLEASE DO NOT E-MAIL ME ASKING TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND! I AM NOT INTERESTED! I LIKE BEING SINGLE!) :-D
MOST IMPORTANT!!!! For those of you who said something along the lines of "Please write a sequal," you can't have a sequal till the first is finished!!! THIS IS NOT THE END OF HOMOSEDUCTION!!!!!! THIS IS NOT THE END OF HOMOSEDUCTION!!!! Thank you. I've blabbed long enough. Enjoy chapter 4, "Choices."
Homoseducton Chapter 4 Choices
Ever feel like the world has kicked you to the curb and left you there to die? That's about how I felt. My world was crashing and I didn't know what to do. I was a ship sailing toward land with no light to guide me. I quietly shut my door and filled my backpack with clothes. I needed to leave, go somewhere, but I only had one option and it would be the first place my parents would look: Chris's house. I slung the pack onto to my shoulder and opened my window. Though my room was on the second floor, there was a porch directly below and I climbed onto it. I stared at my room from the outside. Taking a deep breath, I shut the window and walked to the edge of the porch roof. I lowered myself down and hung from the edge.
I dropped and ran into the woods behind my house, where there was a trail that went directly to Chris's house. We had made it when we were younger and used it to sneak to each other's house after curfew. The path was since overgrown and I could just barely make it out. Had it been a different time of day, I wouldn't have been able to take it, but the late morning sun hit all the right places and cast all the right shadows. At first I was walking, letting my thoughts sort themselves out, but I had begun to walk faster and faster as my emotions grasped my thoughts. Breaking into a run, tears began to blur the world around me. All I could see were greens, browns, blues, and yellows. I just kept running. It was all I could do. I didn't want to leave my family, my school, the arcade, the pool hall, and most of all I didn't want to leave Chris.
I stopped to catch my breath and was bent over, holding my knees. Through gasps and tears, I managed to look up. Ahead of me was the bridge that Chris and I had built. I walked over to it and sat down on the edge, looking into the murky surface of the water below. My tears had subsided and I was forcing myself to calm down. I hadn't realized how far I ran. The bridge was practically in Chris' backyard, though the trees and underbrush prevented you from seeing his house. I took deep calming breaths and wiped my face with my shirt. I needed to talk to Chris. He'd let me stay there for a while, at least till his parents came back from Jamaica. I stood up, took one last look into the water, and headed to Chris' house.
"Jay, calm down." Chris said as I had started to cry again in his arms. "You've got to calm down." "But I don't want to leave, Chris." I said as I held him tighter, taking all the comfort I could from him. "What do you mean leave? What happened when you went home?" He started to rub my back. I shut my eyes tight and buried my face into his shoulder. He patted my back and said, "Tell me when you can. Take your time." He tried to pull away, but I held him. "I'll be right back," he assured me. I nodded, sat down on the couch, and buried my face in my hands. 'How can I tell him what my father said?' Before I could find any answers, Chris was back and had a cup of coffee. He set it on the table across from me. "Thanks," I managed to say and reached over for the cup. "No problem." Chris smiled at me, but I couldn't force myself to smile back. I took a few sips and set it back on the table. "Chris," I began. "I...I really don't know how to tell you this..." I could feel the tears again, but pushed them back. "My dad told me I wasn't allowed over here anymore. That you were a bad influence and had been the reason for my grades, my attitude, and for smoking." "I knew he didn't like me-" started Chris with a nonchalant tone. "Wait. There's more." I swallowed hard. I bit my lip, not wanting to tell him, but had I any other choice? "He's going to make me move to Georgia with my Uncle Andrew." I added hatred to 'Uncle Andrew.' Memories started to play through my mind.
I was visiting my Uncle for a few weeks because mom and dad were looking for a new house in North Carolina. I was watching TV as usual and eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes. The Winter Olympics were on and it was my favorite sport: Figure Skating. It was when Kristi Yamaguchi won the gold medal at Albertville in 1992. She had just started her routine when my Uncle came in with a Bible in his hand. "It's time you learn a lesson, boy." He said in his deep southern Alabaman accent. He grabbed my wrist and jerked me from my comfortable place on the couch. Dragging me to the front door, he grabbed his belt. I reached for my shoes, but he grabbed my wrists again, this time hurting. "Ouch, it hurts! Stop it!" I yelled at him.
He just ignored me, dragged me down to a small creek behind his house, and made me stand in the freezing water on sharp eroded pebbles. I would have resisted, but I was too afraid to move. He looked at me and said, "You're a sin, boy. You must ask God for His forgiveness and to take the demon from you!" He shouted and held the Bible up to the sky. I stood in fear. I didn't know what he was talking about. "God damns faggots to hell. Do you wanna go to hell, boy?" I had started shaking from the coldness of the water that rushed past my feet. I closed my eyes. "Do you?" He persisted. "Answer me boy." He was becoming consumed in rage. "No Sir." I answered in a hushed voice. He lashed at my legs with his belt. "What? I can't hear you." He yelled. I was crying and the pain in my legs was amplified by the cold, but I knew if I reached down to hold or even rub them, I'd get whipped again. I clenched my fists and looked up to the sky. "No!" I cried out.
Chris was sitting next me with his arms around my shoulders. He was the only person who knew how badly I was treated those few weeks I was there. He just didn't know all of it. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him with all I could. Chris was my only comfort in a world that was completely against me. He didn't speak. He just held me and rubbed my back, allowing me to let my emotions flow. I buried my face deeper into his chest and closed my eyes, tears still streaming down my face. Slowly, everything around me became distant, even my own thoughts. It was another source of comfort. It was the only thing that can truly give you a break from life. It was sleep.
Though the day's events were heavy on my shoulders, I slept well: emotional and mental exhaustion would put anyone to sleep. Lazily blinking my eyes, Chris' bedroom came into focus, and I was forced to remember why I was here. The dull pain that were my Father's words slowly crept back into my consciousness, as well as my erratic behavior with Chris. I sighed heavily and sat up. Through the window, I could see the sun slowly being pulled toward the horizon; I had slept all day. Surely my parents have called? Trying not to loose my head, I stood up, stretched, and walked down the hall. Half way down the hall I could hear two voices in the living room, one of them being Chris', "No, I haven't told him yet. I was going to today, but," he paused, gave a heavy sigh, then continued, "Jay's got a lot going on right now. I don't want to be one who adds more suffering to his life." I froze where I was, took a few steps back and crouched, listening to what was being said. "Chris," said the other voice. I didn't recognize it, but it belonged to a man and it was calm, but had an edge as sharp as a knife, "The truth hurts, yes, but it's best you tell him straight away before he falls even more for you." I heard Chris sigh again and I wrinkled my brow in confusion. I was still groggy from sleep, and it was hard for me to follow what was being said.
The man went on, his voice lined with ice, "When we last talked, you had already made the decision, and not even a day later you're trying to back out of it." His voice was stern and cold, but calm all the same. "I didn't say I was going back on my word," Chris said. "Well," said the other voice with cynicism, "that's what it sounds like." "That's not what it is," said Chris, stumbling for words, but quick to reply. "It's just I don't want to do it now. He's going through too much. It'd be like shooting a soldier while he was down. Even you would understand that." "You know Chris, I thought you were ready, I thought you were grown up, but I was wrong." I heard the door open and he continued, "Call me when you've summoned the guts to tell the truth and leave him." Before Chris could respond, the door has slammed shut.
Silence rang from the living room, and I was shaking, not completely understanding what was going on, but also having a clear idea. "Fuck!" Chris yelled and something made of glass slammed against a wall, shattering to pieces before falling to the floor below. I crept back down the hall and into Chris' bedroom. He was coming. I jumped back into the bed, turning toward the wall to hide my face, covered up, and stilled my breath. "Jay," Chris quietly called from the door. "Jay...are you awake?" I didn't move a muscle, or make the slightest sound. Chris shut the door, and after listening for a few seconds to see if he was in the room, I turned onto my back and stared at the ceiling. My eyes were wide from realization as it slowly gripped my heart and squeezed: Chris was going to break up with me. That guy was his other boyfriend or soon to be. My breath became short and harsh. This...this of all things was not happening. I had to still be dreaming. I slapped my face in hopes of waking up, but only to wince at the pain. I sat on the edge of the bed and told myself that I had to pretend that I had been asleep and hadn't heard a single thing. I rubbed my eyes to make them red and tired, then left the room.
Chris was cleaning up the broken glass, being careful not to cut himself. My shadow moved across the wall and startled him, causing him to cut a finger. "Hey..." I managed to say sleepily blinking my eyes. I faked a yawn and said, "What happened? Why is there glass everywhere?" He forced a smile and said, "Oh...it was nothing...I just got mad at how much shit you're having to go through." It was a good lie, and had I not heard the pervious conversation, I'd have believed it too. "You're too sweet." I said, and stepped forward with a fake smile. Chris held up his hand. "Don't. There's glass all over." He awkwardly smiled at me. "How did you sleep?" He asked, going back to cleaning up the broken shards. I wanted to say, "I slept well till I woke up and heard you talking to some guy. When the fuck were you going to tell me?" But I held back the anger and said, "Pretty good. I definitely feel rested." "Good," Chris said without an upward glance, completely forgetting about the cut on his finger.
I walked over to the couch and sat down, weighing my questions against my anger. The questions took rule. "What'd you do all day?" I asked. Chris' reply was a shrug. "Well, don't tell me you just sat around all day and did absolutely nothing," I pushed. He bit his lip. "Well," he started, "after you went to sleep I called a friend, made some plans for next weekend, talked to Mom for a bit, made lunch, took a shower..." he trailed off, wanting to leave the rest of the day a mystery to me.
But I decided to push a little harder, my anger building inside. "So, after you got out of the shower, you came down here, waited for a couple of hours, then smashed a glass?" Mentioning the glass made him flinch. He wasn't expecting me to interrogate him on his day. "Why does it matter what I did all day?" Chris asked picking up the final pieces and putting them into the trashcan next to the couch. I gently shook my head then said, "Just curious, that's all. I slept all day." I sarcastically smiled. He shrugged and headed into the kitchen to tend to the cut. I didn't follow. I would have, but my mind was busy playing with possibilities. Maybe I didn't hear what was said clearly. Perhaps it wasn't even what I though it was. He was probably just a friend...but I was so damned sure that that guy said "tell the truth and leave him." By sheer force, I pushed aside the anger and the sadness those words brought to me and waited for Chris to come back.
He sat two Cokes on the coffee table and sat down across from me. I knew something was going on and I was determined to find out what it was, but Chris spoke first, trying to break the obvious tension and to change the subject. "How are you?" His voice was gentle, as if he were being careful not to upset me. I sipped the Coke, shrugged, and said, "I'll get over it." That was the icebreaker. Chris extended his hands and said, "What's with you, Jay? Earlier today you were scared to death and crying your eyes out and now...and now you're acting like it never happened."
I leaned back against the couch and looked him dead in the eyes, and God help me if I was wrong about that guy. "Things change, and apparently, so do best friends." I was cursing myself for saying that. I bit my tongue and swallowing hard not to cry. His eyes got wide and his whole body tensed. "What the fuck are you talking about?" "You know damned well what I'm talking about!" I said leaning forward and slamming the Coke on the table. "Or else you wouldn't have went back there to make sure I was still asleep!" Chris reacted in a way I didn't expect and it shocked me, almost making me feel sorry for him.
He leaned back into the recliner, his face showing that he now knew that I did in fact overhear the conversation, and his hands fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. All he could manage to say was "Oh." "Who is he? Is he your boyfriend? Or just a good fuck?" Chris was in no mood to fight against me. He knew I had every right to ask and he didn't anger. "Well?" I persisted. He looked at me with the saddest look I'd ever seen and took a deep calming breath. Before he even spoke, tears were clouding my vision. "Yes, Luke is my boyfriend." He tore his gaze from me and stared at the floor. The impact of his words forced the tears from me, my voice barely shaking. "How long?" He was clenching his jaw, expecting me to act much angrier. He took another deep breath before answering, "Two years..." "Wha- oh my God! Chris!" I was shuddering from the tears and I covered my face with my hands, tears streaming down my face. I cried out, "No. . . no . . .no. . ." shaking my head with each word.
I slapped my hands on my thighs and asked, "Why? Why Chris??" He was still sitting exactly the same way, though there was a slight shudder in his breathing. He swallowed hard and forced himself to answer, knowing that I would cry harder. "Jay, I couldn't wait for you forever to tell me, and Luke and I had just met at the beach and..." He stopped, knowing that he said the wrong thing. My face was now twisted with anger. I squinted my eyes at him and said, "Do not tell me that he's Luke Morris! Fuck Chris, he's my goddamned ex for Christ's sake!" I was standing and pacing, tears flooding my eyes and falling hot on my cheeks.
Chris saw the look on my face and knew that I was thinking. He stood up and grabbed my shoulders. "It's not what you think, Jay!" He said quickly. I pushed him from me. "Did you know about us? Did he tell you he broke up with me?" My mind was being torn between rage and utter sadness. "Did he?" I screamed at Chris. "Jay, calm down." He said holding his hands out. "It's really not what you think. Just calm down and I'll explain everything." "What's there to explain, huh?" I said holding my arms out. "You and Luke, of all people, got together the day him and I broke up. Let me guess, you hit it off instantly didn't you? All you're both interested in is sex anyway. I bet it's a perfect relationship." I couldn't believe what I was saying. Never in a million years would I have said anything like this under different circumstances, but the words poured from me like Niagara Falls.
I just stared at him. "Listen," Chris said in a voice that tempted no argument, "he was as badly hurt about the break up as you were and-" I rolled my eyes. "Don't even start that shit with me. Luke broke up with me, Chris. It was his decision, not mine." "It still hurt him!" I shook my head. "It doesn't even matter, Chris." My voice was low now. This was leading toward a fight and I wouldn't let that happen. I sat back down, shaking from anger, and took a long drink from my Coke. Chris, seeing my mask of calmness, did the same. I looked across to him and said, "Honestly, I don't care how you met, why you're together, or any of that. I really don't Chris."
"Jay-" Chris began. "Hold on," I said holding out my hand. "I do care about us..." I swallowed hard, wiped my eyes on my shoulder, and continued. "But if there is no us, then I need to know." Before Chris responded, he closed his eyes tightly, clenched his fists, and inhaled deeply. "First off, I just want to tell you that I truly do like you. That is no lie. You mean more to me than you could ever possibly know, Jay." I slightly smiled and every word was crystal clear in my head, making it tremendously hard not to cry again. "But," he started, clearing his throat and sipping his Coke, "I am with Luke and, I like him as well." He bit his bottom lip, and half squinted his eyes.
Had I not warned myself that he might say that, I would have instantly cried, but I didn't. All I did was vaguely nod my head. I looked to the floor, trying to forestall my next question, then back to Chris whose gaze hadn't faltered and was cloudy with tears. I chewed my tongue for a moment, then, in an almost silent whisper, said, "Then...you need to...choose. Him or me, Chris?" His gaze fell to the coffee table and lowered his head shrouding it in shadow. His body was barely shuddering from the silent sobs. A single tear escaped me, slowly sliding down my cheek, and crept into the corner of my mouth. I ignored it.
Chris lifted his head, his face wet with tears and curved with sadness. He opened his mouth to speak, his jaw trembling, and said, "I have to choose...Luke." I licked my lips, and the salty tear almost burned my tongue. His eyes were begging me to understand his choice, but I could no longer be here. I stood up, still shaking, still nodding, and walked to the door. Grabbing the handle, I hung my head and whispered, "Good bye, Chris," and walked out.
Author's Note: AGAIN, THIS IS NOT THE END OF HOMOSEDUCTION!!! Please feel free to e-mail me at lostmindbrbin10min@yahoo.com to express your comments. PLEASE, no flamming. If you flame, you will simply be forgotten and ignored. However, if you have HELPFUL suggestions/critics then by all means, e-mail me and be polite about it. Being rude doesn't get anyone anywhere. Also, please be patient for chapter 5. I hope to god it doesn't take as long, but it is a possibility. Besides, good things are worth waiting for, right? LOL. Take care everyone!
Jay