Home Is In Your Arms By James
Disclaimer
This is a story which deals with sexual as well as romantic situations between teenaged males. Should you be offended by such material, or if it's illegal to read this type of material in your location, please find something else to read. I can be contacted at jamesheady1985@gmail.com for those who want to talk about anything related to the story. Finally, please remember to donate to Nifty, as it keeps these stories and related materials free to the public.
Home Is In Your Arms
Chapter 3
Darkness filled the room, and it was cold as if someone left the window open all night. He had no sense of time, and for all he knew it could have been 11:00 P.M. or 3:00 A.M. in the morning. The room had a smell that suggested that it was rarely clean, and he only knew that he didn't want to be there.
As he tried to relax in the bed which had a thin sheet, and an equally thin bed spread, he listened to the silence, though silence wasn't the correct word, for things weren't silent. There were moans and crying, and in other areas of the floor on which he was held, there were loud screams of either pain or fear, or both. There was a silence now at least for a moment, then he heard voices which were distant so he had to listen hard, but he could hear them.
"The procedure should take an hour," one voice a deep voice said. "He might fight us so we'll designate the procedure to be classified as L-4, or Level 4."
"L-4 is all protective measures correct?" a woman's voice responded with a question.
"Yes, that's what it means," the deep man's voice replied. "We'll have to use full restraints. He's known to get violent. That's what the file says from when he was here the last time which I understand was the first time he was here for his behavioral problems."
"I read a little of the file," the woman answered. "It says that he struggled a lot when restrained the last time."
"If he screams and struggles again this time, don't let it phase you," the man replied. "He's not like normal kids. He doesn't feel pain in the way they do. He struggled and screamed a lot the first time he was here, because he was just pissed off he couldn't move. He's basically like those defects they tried to get rid of in the state hospitals back in the 1940s, and as far as I'm concerned they should have kept the programs alive, because I'm sick of having to deal with retarded freaks like him."
"Any other details I should know about?"
"No, we'll be using restraint and while he's strapped down, we'll just watch him," the man answered. "Obviously drastic measures may or may not have to be employed, but we'll deal with that if or when the time comes."
The voices were getting closer now, but they took on a echo-like quality, and he tried to call out, but couldn't, due to his voice that was unable to form speech. As the boy focused on the darkened room, there was a flash of light, and then as if he suddenly teleported to another world entirely, he looked around and saw that he was in a brightly lit room, with three lights shining above him, like three burning-hot suns ready to melt his skin. As he went to turn his head to the left and right, he noticed with horror that it was immobile, and when he tried to sit up he felt the tightness of straps that held his chest, arms and legs tightly to the table on which he lay.
When he looked out of the corner of his eyes, he couldn't actually see people, but black shadows the look of which filled him with terror.
"Where am I!" he screamed, but it was only in his head.
As if the shadows around him heard, he received back an answer.
"You'll be under-going the first treatment," a deep and ominous voice said, but it came from within his head. He somehow knew that it came from one of the shadows, but they seemed to be communicating with him only through their own and his mind.
He heard a motor start up, and two robotic arms moved in to his field of vision. One of the arms held a screen that the shadow next to his head, the one who had been communicating with him looked at, and the boy saw what was on it. It was him as he was now, he screamed at the vision that was on the screen. He was strapped down to what was an operating table, and his head was held in place by a metal frame.
He also saw that next to him was a table on which rested several pieces of medical machinery that looked as frightening as they looked complicated. One of the machines, the biggest one on the table contained a long wire with two metal round plates attached at the end of it, and he knew without being told that they would go on to his head. As if knowing what he was thinking, the shadow communicating with him spoke up in his head.
"You're going to be going through what all who've come before you have had to endure before moving on to the next phase of the transformation," the voice said as the hands of the shadow began readying the electro-shock device. "You must not fight against the procedure or you'll face the consequences."
As the coldness of the metal assaulted the sides of his head, that's when things faded to black.
0000
Kyley
I slowly woke up from my dream, and calling it such would be an understatement to say the least, but calling it a mere nightmare would hardly describe what I just experienced! I knew that what I dreamed didn't actually happen in real life, now nor in the past, but certain parts of it were based in reality. I thought back on the beginning of my dream about the voices talking outside the dark room in which I was imprisoned.
A couple of times when I had been with my second foster family, I had been sent to the psych hospital two times, one for my so-called violent outbursts as my family called them. I call them so-called, as they obscured the actual root causes of them which was my shitty homelife, as well as the anger, fear and sadness with which I lived almost every day. Of course the family made it in to something that would take the focus off of them, and the psychiatrists were all too happy to medicalize my trauma by labeling me with any behavioral disorder they thought appropriate, and during my first stay there I was strapped down when I was brought in, as I had been scared and struggling against the men who were carrying me in to the building.
The second time I had been sent to the hospital was when I was 11, and the day on which I was sent there, I had broken a glass when I threw it in anger after my foster dad told me to shut the fuck up and get back to my room. I was getting more and more tired of the abuse, and while I had resigned myself to the fact that that was my life, I was getting sick of it, and was having more and more trouble with controlling my rage.
An hour later, the white van that came for me before back when I was 10 came for me again, and things played out basically the same with me struggling all the more harder this time around, and I even managed to bight one of the guys who was carrying me out to the van, and I gave him a look that after seconds of our eyes locking, he looked away. While he had hate in his eyes, there was some fear as he dropped his eyes and secured the straps that held down my wrists, so I must have really communicated my hate to him in my look before we sped away from the house. I remembered thinking as we pulled up to the doors of the hospital of how I might one day get revenge on not just the guys in the van with me, but the doctors who hurt me in the name of so-called help. The last thought I had in my head before they brought me in to the facility, was of me hunting all of them down one day when they least expected it, and of the ways I'd make them endure slow and deeply painful deaths. I wanted them to scream, cry, yell and beg for their lives, and I vividly saw myself in my mind's eye with them strapped down as I had been and me slowly using knives on them, every conceivable knife I could think of on them.
I also thought of how to hurt them all during this second stay at the hospital as I lay in one of the rooms strapped down throughout the day for the three days they kept me there. I thought of every torture method I had heard of in history class and how I would enjoy applying all of them to the Bastards who were imprisoning me. That kept me from going completely off the deep end, and after I got out of the hospital that second time, I did all that I could to keep to myself until I was rescued last year.
I lay there struggling to let the memories and the images of the dream flow out of my mind. Most of all though, I was trying to regain control so that I wouldn't fall apart. I sometimes woke from these nightmares when first at Michael's place screaming and a couple of times they would have to give me a shot to calm me down. I was just barely able to let them do that, and Michael had to talk me through that several times so that they could administer the medication.
I was doing better with calming myself down over the past few months, but this dream had been particularly bad. I thought about it for a moment as I sat up holding the sheet and covers around me to keep from shaking. It had felt so real, and the feeling of helplessness was over-powering in the extreme.
Finally, the fear subsided, and I looked over at the bedside clock, and saw that it was after 2:00 A.M. in the morning. I got up and after using the restroom, I got back in to bed and as I lay there on my side with the covers enveloping me in their warmth, I began thinking of Milen. I pictured his face in my mind, and then I imagined him there with me under the covers. In my mind's eye, I imagined him there wrapping me in his arms and the heat from his skin against mine warming me, and making me feel a deep sense of well-being that I had really never known before. He then would ease my head against his chest as he whispered softly to me that I was safe, and that he was going to protect me and that he wouldn't let anything bad happen to me.
As I thought about all this, I began drifting off to sleep again, and I slept through the rest of the night until it was time to get up to start the day.
0000
Milen
Wednesday was a sunny day without a cloud in the sky. Elena and I drove along talking as we made our way to Michael's place for my visit with Kyley.
"Are you excited about seeing him?" she asked.
"Absolutely!" I said smiling. "Thanks for driving me."
"You're welcome," she said. "I'm happy to do it. I'm really glad that you made a new friend, and I'm sure Kyley is happy to have you as a friend too. From some of what you told me, it sounds like he really has had a hard life."
"Yeah, he's been through a lot of really heavy stuff," I answered. "I don't know all the details yet obviously, but I know he wasn't treated very well by his foster family. They weren't understanding of his condition, and that must have been hard to deal with to say the least."
"That's really sad," she said. "I don't understand families foster or not who either can't or won't love and care for their children."
As she talked, I watched, and saw her starting to heat up. I knew that children and anything related to them was an extremely sensitive topic for her for reasons I'll discuss later. The bottom line though was that once she got started on discussing anything related to the injustice committed against children, she could really have a hard time keeping herself calm.
"It's really horrible how families can treat their children badly like some of them do," I responded.
"It's fucking sick!" she said, and already the anger brought on by her indignation threaten to overwhelm her, and I saw her trying to keep her composure. "It's fucking despicable how these people throw children out here in to the world either for some fuckhead drunks to take care of that these agencies don't even try to check to see if they're safe for kids to be around. Then you get those who irresponsibly have children, then don't even try to take care of them, or if they believe they're taking care of them, then it's them neglecting the child's safety either by not watching while they grab for something dangerous, or they actually push their kid to do an activity that they know or should know is possibly dangerous, and they justify neglecting their safety by saying that they're trying to get them to understand how the real world, whatever the fuck that means functions for when they become adults. It's fucking disgusting; it's sick! Then some of them just toss their kids out at 18 with little in the way of any life experience, or if the kids are LGBT in any form then they shun them especially if the parents are anti-LGBT, and possibly just throw them out on to the streets! It's monstrous, and they do shit like this without a thought, and you know some of them are all fucked up on whatever it is they do when some of them bring children in to the world! I'm just so glad that you and I have the parents we have Milen. I mean, if all we have to worry about is them not understanding some of the music we're in to like that throat-shredding Metal stuff you're in to, then I'd say we have it really good."
"You just don't understand the beauty of Metal Music, and the life-changing message it has contained within," I said trying to make my voice sound like that of a person trying to convert a non-believer to their brand of religion. "Oh, and speaking of music I'll be trying out for the talent show that Michael and Josh are putting on in a couple of weeks."
"I'm glad to hear that you're going out for that!" she said. "I'll definitely be there."
"I'm really glad to hear that," I said touched. "Anyway, you'll get to see me in my outfit that I'll be wearing especially for that event."
"I'm almost afraid to ask," Elena said smiling.
"It's just black pants and a black shirt," I replied. "I buried them in the back yard just like how the vocalist of Mayhem named Dead would do before he would come out on stage for their live performances. He would put his clothes in the ground for a few days before the shows, then dig them up to put on. He thought they would smell like the grave, so that's what he did."
"That's really fucking disturbing Milen," she said laughing.
"Thank you," I said laughing myself now.
"That wasn't a complement," she said smiling.
"The only thing missing from my outfit is the dead crow I'll have to find and bury with the clothes," I went on. "Dead did that too."
"Oh hell no!" Elena said laughing and putting an exaggerated note of horror in her voice. "You're not burying a dead crow with your damn clothes. This guy Dead sounds like he needed some sort of life-time supply of therapy sessions with a good counselor."
"I think he actually did need some sort of help," I said. "He really did have some sort of mental issues, and of course the members of Mayhem exploited them along the way. Unfortunately he never got any sort of help, because before their first album that was set to have his vocals on it was released, he killed himself in the house they used for practicing one night when he was left alone there. He must have really lived a lonely life."
"That sounds horrible," she said.
"Yeah," I agreed. "Anyway, I don't think I'll be doing anything by Mayhem for the show, I'll probably do something by Night Wish or something like that."
"Oh thank God!" she said in mock relief.
We laughed, then we were nearing the house, and then we parked and showed our I.D.s to the guard stationed in the little booth at the beginning of the driveway. Once out of the car, we went up and knocked on the door.
Michael opened the door, and he and Elena introduced themselves, then we went to Kyley's room. Once Michael let him know we were here, he opened the door smiling and he shook my hand, then shook Elena's hand as well.
"It's nice to meet you Kyley," she said smiling at him.
"It's nice to meet you as well," he replied.
They talked for a moment longer about how nice it was outside, then after letting Michael know that she would be back to pick me up around 2:00 P.M. that day, she left, and after Michael made sure we were alright, he went back to take care of what he was doing before we arrived at the house.
After motioning for me to enter the room, Kyley closed the door and I sat down on the edge of his bed when he motioned for me to do so, and he sat down beside me.
"It's really good to see you again!" I said smiling widely at him.
"Same here!" he replied putting his hand on my shoulder for a moment. "What did you want to do?"
"I'm open to anything you want to do," I replied. "You mentioned that you have drawings that you like to do. Is there any that you'd like to show me?"
He smiled, then motioned for me to continue sitting while he got up and after holding his arms out in front of him for balance, he walked over to the bookshelf across from where I was sitting. It sat directly across from me, then a chair was beside it with a table on the other side of the chair.
I looked around the room and saw how nice it looked. There was the bedside table, then beside it was the dresser, then beside the table that sat beside the chair across the room from where I sat was a door that was closed and when I looked at it, Kyley told me that it was the restroom which also had a bath tub/shower. Then set in the wall which if I was standing with my back to the bedside table, would have been across from me was a door that Kyley explained was the door to his closet. Then beside that door was a desk on which sat a laptop, a stereo and a few CDs. I eyed them with interest, and Kyley motioned for me to take a look at them.
I walked over to the desk and picked up the first album on the stack. It was Amon Amarth's album Twilight of the Thunder God, and I smiled. Then the one beneath that one was the album In the Nightside Eclipse by the Black Metal band Emperor. The last album underneath that one was the album Goi Rode Goi by the Russian Folk Metal band Arkona.
"Damn, you're not afraid to cross genres of Metal!" I said smiling at him. "I love all these groups!"
"Me too," he said smiling at me.
I put the disks back on the desk, then went back over to sit down, then Kyley pointed to the stereo.
"Anything special you'd like to listen to?" I asked.
"Since Twilight of the Thunder God was in that stack," Kyley began. "I wouldn't mind hearing that one."
"Me too!" I said smiling.
Kyley motioned for me to keep sitting where I was, and he handed me a blue book that when I looked at the front cover, on the outside of it was written the word Drawings, and as I opened it, Kyley went over to the stereo and loaded the album in question up and it started, and within seconds the energetic guitars, drums and Johan Hegg's guttural vocals began as the title track of the album began.
"Thanks," I said motioning to the book and then to the stereo.
"You're welcome," Kyley said as he made his way over to where I was sitting, and he sat down to my left and watched me as I opened his book with the drawings in it.
The first drawing was titled Spring Morning, and showed a wall of trees, bushes and several clusters of flowers. The trees had branches that supported lush clusters of leaves the green color of which looked almost life-like and real enough so that I had to remind myself that I was looking at a drawing! The bushes were a darker green, and their leaves looked as if they were being blown by a soft wind, and the flowers were of various colors. The Flowers in the middle of the picture were of red roses, and they had a deep dark red that truly amazed me in their beauty! The flowers to the left of them were a few Sun Flowers which stood as if watching everything. The flowers on the right side of the roses were a cluster of Daisies, and then at the top of the picture was a blue sky with no clouds, and a sun that shown down on everything as if awakening all of the plant life around the forest.
"This is really beautiful!" I said looking directly at Kyley.
He smiled hesitantly, and blushed.
"You really like them?" he asked.
"I really do!" I said putting a hand on his shoulder.
I flipped to the next page and on it was written the words Winter Scape, and it was a forest like the one in Spring Morning, but in place of the green, was pure white that covered the ground, the trees and in the center of the page was a lake that had been iced over, and off to the right was a small cottage and from the roof of the structure billowing upwards in to the sky was smoke, clearly there was a fire burning within.
"Winter is my favorite time of year!" I said as I continued looking at the drawing. "It's always nice to set by a fire in the house on a snowy day like that!"
"I love the Winter as well," Kyley said as he moved closer to me and rested his hand on my arm.
"We have a fire place in our house, it's in the living room," I said. "We use it a lot in the Winter, and it really is nice. I'd love to sit in front of it with you in the Winter time once the seasons change."
"I'd love that as well!" he replied smiling at me as he moved even closer.
There were a few sea drawings, then I encountered blank pages. I handed the book back to him, and thanked him for letting me look through the drawings.
"You're welcome," he replied.
We sat there as the music played in the background and I just sat there for a moment watching Kyley. He watched me as well, and I focused on his eyes that seemed to be burning my image in to his memory so he could keep it forever. Then he touched my arm again as if to make sure I was still there.
"I'm still here," I said smiling at him.
"It's been really nice talking with you in the time that we have both right now and over the phone," he began. "I just hope I don't scare you off at any point as you get to know me."
"What do you mean?" I asked putting my hand on his arm this time. He jumped for a moment, and I withdrew my hand, but he looked at me as if to tell me to not worry about it.
I returned my hand to his arm and rubbed gently for a moment.
"I really have been through a lot throughout my life," he went on. "I don't know where my bio parents are, and all I was told was that they didn't know how to take care of me, or people around them were afraid that they wouldn't do a good job of caring for me, because they were on drugs. That's why I was sent in to the foster care system, and whatever the truth I wasn't treated well by both families during the time I stayed with them. There's also the fact that kids would make fun of me for my disabilities, both the part about me walking different and not being able to form actual words for speaking. They would find reasons not to hang with me, and even when I'd try to do things to fit in then they'd make fun of me for that. Basically I'm telling you that I really don't know a lot about having a friend, and I just hope that you won't hold that against me."
I put an arm around him and gently drew him close to me. I held him for a moment which was more physical contact than what we had been experiencing before that moment. He relaxed after a moment, and let me hold him as I brought my other arm around to form a protective circle around him.
"I'm your friend Kyley," I said as I held him. "I'll help you with whatever you need, and I'll always be here for you. I really am sorry to hear about all of what you've had to go through when living with the people you did, and I hope you know that you can trust me as we continue getting to know one another."
We sat there for a few minutes, and I could feel some of the joy he had at being with me, but more than that I felt the pain and loneliness with which he had been living for a long time as well. I knew what he was asking of me. I knew that he was really acting on faith that I would do right by him, and I was picking up on how scared he was with having to face the unknown.
After a moment, he motioned for me to let him go which I did. He began typing again.
"I wanted to mention something else that I had been thinking about," he began. "I mentioned about children coming out when we were at lunch the first time we met a few days ago. Then you probably remember me mentioning homophobia that some parents have."
"I remember that," I said. "I figured that you were referring to LGBT kids when you talked about kids coming out to family."
"Yeah, that's what I was talking about," he answered. "You didn't seem really bothered by that when I mentioned that about LGBT kids. I mean, you obviously were bothered about the idea of families throwing them out, but you seemed cool about the idea of kids being LGBT."
"Yeah, I'm fine with it," I said.
"I'm just wondering, and if you're not then it's fine," he began. "Are you gay or anything like that."
"I am," I answered.
"When did you know?" he asked.
"I started realizing it when I was 10, then I first came out to my friend Alex when I was 12, then I came out to my sister when she asked me a few weeks later," I explained. "When I was 13, I came out to my mom and dad when we were having lunch one day. My dad had asked if I had any interest in girls, and I told him know, but he must have seen how I was a bit uncomfortable, and my mom was watching me as well. I just told them, because I didn't want to be dishonest with them, and I didn't think they would take it badly and sure enough they were supportive."
"I'm really happy for you that they have been supportive of you," Kyley answered.
"So am I," I replied.
There was a silence, then Kyley looked at me for a moment and I met his eyes, then turned away after a moment.
"I started liking boys when I was 8," he began. "I didn't understand it, so I didn't think much about it. I also didn't tell anyone, and I did hear some kids and a few adults a few of whom were in my foster family talk about boys liking other boys, and how they were queers, Fagots and other names, so I did wonder a couple of times if I was gay when I started thinking about how nice boys looked without their shirts, but then I just pushed it out of my mind, then those feelings came back stronger when I was 12, but I still stayed silent about them. I know I'm gay as well, and I hope you can keep it to yourself, or at least let me be the one to tell anyone that I feel comfortable telling."
"I'll definitely keep it to myself," I said. "I won't out you to anyone, and if you decide to share any of what you told me about being gay with my friends or family, I can tell you that they'll be supportive of you as well. It's up to you, and I won't say anything or do anything you don't want me to do or say."
He turned and held out his arms, and we hugged for the first time since knowing one another. He held on tightly and I held on as well not wanting to separate too soon.
After we separated, we went outside to sit in the woods in back of the house. The woods were full of trees, and might as well have been called an actual forest, as it seemed like the trees never would end, and flowers of various kinds bloomed all around us and in back of the house as well. I was carrying a picnic basket with a couple of sandwiches, some chips and a couple of bottles of Apple Cider that were in the refrigerator of the house.
Once seated, I unpacked the contents of the basket and we ate in silence for a few minutes, then I spoke.
"This has really been a nice visit!" I said. "Thanks for having me up here today!"
"You're welcome," Kyley replied once his hands were free.
We talked a little more while eating, then after lunch was finished, I gathered everything up and we headed back to the house. Once back inside, I looked at the clock on my phone and saw that we had almost another hour, so after asking Kyley, we decided to go and take a canoe ride at one of the lakes that was within walking-distance. After letting Michael know where we would be, we left.
I showed Kyley how to operate the oars, and we sat and talked as we navigated the waters. Finally after a while of this, we got out of the water and sat under one of the trees which provided plenty of shade. Kyley sat beside me and after a few minutes, he leaned back so that his upper body was leaned back against me, and I put an arm around him. He made a sound of contentment, and I pressed my nose in to his hair as his head rested on my shoulder. His hair smelled good, and I wouldn't have minded just laying down with him for a long time with the scent of his hair filling my nostrils!
"I wish I didn't have to leave you here later on," I said as I stroked his hair. "I've really been enjoying our time together today!"
"So have I," Kyley replied. "It's been really fun being with you today, and I've never had someone treat me as nice as you have!"
"Thanks," I answered. "What will you be doing later today?"
"I'll just be checking out some music online, and probably hanging with Adam for a bit."
"Cool," I said. "I'll probably be hanging with Alex for a while, then will be spending time with my parents and Elena later this evening after we have dinner."
I explained a little more about Alex, and also about how we were basically his family. I even up to that point didn't know what the story was, but I know that he had little to do with his family. When I asked him anything about it, he implied that they didn't approve of him being gay, but I knew there was more to it than that, but I didn't push it.
"I hope you have a nice time," he said.
"I'm sure I will, and thanks," I answered. "It sounds like you have a nice afternoon and evening planned as well."
"Yeah, I do," he said.
We continued sitting there, and I wrapped both arms around him as he leaned against me and he put his hands over my arms gently rubbing them before just resting them there. I sat there feeling our connection getting stronger, and I was wondering if this was what it felt like to fall in love.
Once back at the house, our time together was coming to a close, and as I sat down on Kyley's bed, he smiled, and we shared a long hug. We stayed like that for a long time only separating when I heard a car pull up in the driveway. My phone beeped, and when I checked it, it was a text from Elena. I read the message, and she was letting me know that she was parked out front.
"My sister's here," I said turning back to Kyley.
We got up and left his room, and once at the door, Elena was there, and after she and Kyley shook hands, he reached for me. I held him as tightly as he was holding me, and after a long moment, we separated and I let him know that I would call him once back home. He smiled, and then was headed back to his room. I turned to Elena, and we left after saying goodbye to Michael, and we drove back home. It had been a really enjoyable day!
Author's Notes
I figured that this would be a nice place to stop. Also, I know this was a long time coming.
I just got back down here to Athens this past Friday, and before that I had been with a couple of relatives doing the Shelter in Place thing. I was already at their house back in the middle of March when our state's governor made the Stay at Home Order mandatory, so I figured that I would just stay there for a few weeks while we waited to see what was going to happen. Once May arrived, things began opening back up, and I figured that I could return home again. While up where I was at, I didn't have Wi-Fi nor did I have my laptop otherwise I would have been posting chapters of this story over the last few weeks. I'm just glad to be back home and posting updates to the story again though!
As for the opening scenes of this chapter, you'll have to excuse the Medical Horror side of things, I had been reading a lot of John Saul in my free time over the past few days, so that probably had something to do with how dark things got in the beginning of this chapter. That's also part of why I wanted to end things on a light note.
All that being said, I hope everyone is staying safe and that no one has the virus. I've been doing well, and haven't gotten it. I'm hoping it stays that way. Anyway, I hope everyone is having a good evening, and I'll see everyone in Chapter Four!