Home

Disclaimer: This story is fiction. It makes no claims to the true personality and sexuality of anyone involved. You already know if you shouldn't be reading this.

Note: This is the complete story with a few corrections. It only differs slightly from the numbered versions previously posted to Nifty.

------------------ HOME by JM

Part V

Ryan was waiting for us outside of Customs when we got back.

"How was the trip?" Ryan asked.

"Exhausting!" David and I said simultaneously, and then burst out laughing.

Ryan looked at us like we were loco.

When we got Home, the kids were anxious to know about Europe and the guys. We sat up and talked with them until their bed time, and then went back to our apartments. I tried to call Kevin, but got his voice mail. It was four in the morning there, so he was probably sound asleep--especially after a show. I took a shower and went to bed.

Friday morning, and I was easily up by 6am for wake-up patrol. My body was still on European time.

The addition of an 18+ area of Fermata was just starting when David and I left for Europe. Nick had designed it so that one side of the building would have younger kid stuff, and the other younger adult stuff. The club, proper, would join the two. I was anxious to see how it was coming, so as soon as the kids were off to school I walked over to the club.

I was amazed. All the wall and door changes had been completed. All the finish work was done and the only thing, construction wise, that remained was the faux finish floor. Nick was already there with the scenic painter.

"Hey Nick! You're up early," I said walking over and giving him a hug.

"Welcome back! How was Europe?" Nick asked.

"Great. We can talk about it tonight over dinner."

"It'll just be us."

"Huh? What's up with Susan?"

"She finally got a date," Nick said smiling.

"Really? Anyone we know?"

"Yea. I set her up on a date with Mike."

"The intern at your office?" I asked.

"The very one. And before you say it, no, he's 26. Not to young for her."

"I hate it when you answer questions before I ask them," I joked.

"I know. That's why I do it," Nick said smiling back.

Rachel, the scenic painter, had wandered away while we were chatting.

"So, anyway... You made great progress while I was gone. Is the floor the only thing left?" I asked.

"Yep. I was just going over the details with Rachel."

Nick went over to Rachel and continued to explain what he wanted. I left them and went to check the other side. It was an exact mirror copy. Satisfied with the progress, I waved a quick good bye to Nick and Rachel, and headed back Home.

I went straight up to the studio to finish the last of the wiring and testing. It was all done by noon.

It wasn't until I went back to make lunch that I realized I didn't have anything to eat. I finished what remained of my morning baguettes, and then went grocery shopping.

After I got back and put everything away I started making phone calls. I wanted to find some bands to record. I didn't want to start the BSB album in a studio who's sound I was unfamiliar with. It takes experience to get to know the quirks of a new studio. I left a bunch of messages with local bands I'd recorded before, and explained that I would charge them half the going rate. That was sure to get some call backs.

I called Susan next.

"This is Susan," she answered quickly.

"Hey girl! I hear you're dumping us tonight because you got a date," I said.

"Josh! How was Europe? And Kevin?"

"Good and great. Now about this date..."

"I'm sorry, I know it's breaking our tradition, but..."

I cut her off. "Don't worry about it. I just wanted to tell you to have fun and not worry about me and Nick."

"Oh. Thanks."

"So are you nervous?" I joked.

"Incredibly, and talking with you about it is making it worse. I'll fill you in on how it went afterward."

"Okay," I laughed.

"I gotta go, Josh."

"Alright. I'll let you get back to work. Talk to you later."

"Later."

I no sooner hung up the phone when it rang.

"Hello?"

"Josh, it's Kevin," I heard Kevin yell into the phone over the very noisy background.

"Hey, Vin! What's all the noise?" I yelled back.

"I can't talk now! Just wanted to say I love you," he yelled.

"I love you!"

"I'll call you tomorrow afternoon!. Bye!" he said and the line went dead.

I hung up the phone. It rang again. This time it was the guitarist from one of the bands I'd called. They were definitely interested. We talked over details and scheduling for about 45 minutes. As soon as I hung up, the phone rang again. Another band. The same thing continued until Nick walked in at six. I had four bands scheduled in the next three weeks. I hung up from the last call and turned off the ringer. The answering machine could get the rest.

"Who were you talking to?" Nick asked.

"Bands. I'm trying to get a few bands in the studio as guinea pigs before I have to record BSB. It'll also help me get back into things. I didn't expect every band I called to call me back and want to record, though."

"Oh, the pressures of being good at what you do..." Nick said dramatically.

I gave him a smirk and went to the kitchen to make dinner. Nick followed me and sat on the counter.

"So tell me. How was Europe?" Nick asked.

"Fun, interesting, confusing and exhausting. Oh, we stopped and stayed with Stefan."

"I know. He emailed me and chastised me for not coming."

I continued to fill Nick in on what happened until the foccocia was done and we sat down for dinner. Nick found the story of Nick Carter being thrown in the brig as funny as I had. We sat up drinking beer and talking until 4AM. Nick crashed in the guest room and I went to my bed.

I woke up around 9AM. Nick was sitting at the dining room table drinking a cup of coffee.

"Mornin'" I said.

Nick looked up. He looked like shit. "Mornin'," he mumbled.

"You look like shit," I joked.

"I feel like it too. I'm getting too old to stay up all night drinking," Nick groaned.

"Hey! I'm older than you and I'm still alive," I shot back.

"One month older. You're old too. You just don't realize it," he smirked back.

"I realize it all too well. I'm gonna be 30 in less than two weeks."

"Damn, that's right. We're gettin' old, Josh. 30 seemed to be so far away, and now... You want to check out nursing homes today?" Nick said with a grin.

"No thanks. When I'm so old I can't take care of myself, I'd rather just be put on a floating block of ice and set adrift," I smirked back.

"I'll remember that."

"Maybe now, but once Alzheimer's sets in..."

"...it'll be the only thing I remember." Nick continued my sentence.

"Sure. Oh shit!"

"What?"

"You're gonna kill me," I said.

"Probably, but tell me so I have a good reason."

"I forgot to tell you who they were touring with," I hinted.

"And..."

"Just a minute," I said and went to my room to get the CD I had The Cardigans sign for Nick. I walked back to the dining room, slapped the CD in front of Nick and sat down.

"The Cardigans?!" Nick practically yelled.

"I'm pretty sure," I replied.

"Damn! I should have forced you to take me with you. Why didn't you tell me they were touring with BSB? You know how much I love them," Nick whined.

"I didn't know myself until we got there. I got you a signed CD. What more do you want?"

"How about a date with Nina?" Nick said hopefully.

"She's taken."

"Damn. Oh well. How were they?"

"They gave a good show and are pretty nice people. Nina is unbearably cute. I was accused of flirting with her."

"And were you?"

"Maybe..." I hinted. "But you know it wouldn't have gone any further than that."

"Yea, that's the problem with you gay guys: you can get a woman so easily, but then you don't know what to do with her," Nick teased.

"I know exactly what to do. I'm just not interested. The trouble with straight guys is you don't know what you're missing," I teased back.

"I definitely know what I'm missing: a woman."

"Well, we'll have to find you a date. I'm sure Nick and AJ would be happy to go 'chick hunting' or whatever you straights do when they get here," I teased.

"'Chick hunting?'" Nick laughed.

"I don't know... I haven't played straight in years," I conceded.

"Josh, you're the straightest gay man I know."

"I'm not sure how to take that statement."

"Take it however you want. I'm just saying you are not what most of the population thinks of when they think of 'gay man.'"

"Okay. I can handle being unique."

"Oh, I think you're definitely that!" Nick laughed.

"Thank you," I said with a smirk and bowed.

"So any plans for your birthday? A certain special person flying in or you flying out?" Nick asked.

"Nope. No special plans. Kevin's on tour and they have a show on Thursday. Just another day."

"Don't be like that. You're gonna be three decades old. It deserves something...memorable."

"Okay. Just remember that your birthday is three weeks later, and even in my old age I can remember that long and get you back."

Nick just laughed. We bantered a bit more and then Nick went home. I took a shower and then headed downstairs to find Billy and Alex. I'd promised I'd teach them how to use ProTools when I got back. I found them both in the computer lab playing Quake. They were so into their game they didn't notice me in the room. I sat down and watched them play. A few minutes later Billy was killed.

"Damn!" he yelled and slammed his fists down on the keyboard.

"Hey! Take it easy. It's not the computer's fault," I said.

Billy jumped and looked over to me. "Hey Josh. Sorry. I just can't get past this level," he said frustrated.

"That's 'cause you suck!" Alex yelled as he continued his game. "Hey Dad."

"I may suck, but you swallow," Billy shot back.

"In your wet dreams," came the retort.

Billy started to reply. I stopped him. "That's enough, guys. So do you want to learn how to use ProTools or not?" I asked.

"Yea, let's go," Billy said.

"Go ahead. I'll be there in a little while," Alex said, still wrapped up in his game.

"I'm only teaching it once. If you want to learn it you'll have to stop your game." I said.

"Fine!" Alex said a bit pissed off at me. "Just give me a minute."

I left the computer lab and went over to the studio with Billy. I went around the studio and showed him where everything was and explained what it did as we turned everything on and booted up the computer. Alex came in just as the computer was up and ready.

I dug through a box of older ADAT tapes for something for them to learn with. I found one with just eight tracks and loaded the tape. I showed them how to set levels and how to transfer the audio in digital and analog. Digital was easy. Analog took them each a few times to do it without getting that horrible digital distortion that happens when the level peaks over 0. I know that using the limiter would have made it easier, but they should learn to do it without the extra help. The experience would also make it easier for them to understand using the compressor/limiter and how it changed the sound. By dinner time they had each rearranged a song.

Rhythmwright, the first band I would record, would start tomorrow. I invited both of them to come watch and learn about the recording process. They wouldn't learn the writing/recording process that would be going on with recording BSB, but they would learn how most bands that don't have huge budgets record.

Billy and Alex went off to have dinner. I joined David, Ryan & Tina for dinner. David and I caught up on everything that had happened while we were gone. Everything had been as usual: minor arguments, reluctance to do homework... Typical stuff. We finished at nine and I went around to check on everyone.

Just about everyone was watching TV. I was happy to find the kids in "Henry V" working hard at memorizing their lines. I'm sure it was panic over learning so many lines as much as dedication. Wil was cast as the Dauphin and was having the most trouble, particularly with the little bit of French in III.vii. I helped him for a while and then helped Shane and Mark (Gloucester & Bedford) with their lines. They went to bed at midnight and I went back to my apartment.

I noticed the answering machine blinking and hit play. A couple messages from bands that had called too late and Rhythmwright confirming tomorrow's time. A message from Susan saying the date went well. The last message was from Kevin.

"Josh. This is Kevin. Where are you? Call me when you get in. Love you. Bye."

Shit. I'd totally forgotten about Kevin telling me he would call this afternoon. I called him immediately. It was 6:30AM where he was, so I would probably get his voice mail. I was surprised when he picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hello?" Kevin groaned into the phone. I obviously woke him up.

"Hey Vin. Sorry about waking you," I said.

"Josh! Where have you been all day?"

"In the studio for the most part. Sorry about not being here for your call. I totally forgot about you calling."

"You forget about me so easily?" Kevin said with mock hurt.

"Never. There's just a lot of things happening and I forgot to wait for your call."

"I'm just teasing you. I understand. So how was your flight back?"

"Long, but we didn't crash, so I guess that made it a good flight," I joked.

"Yea. Any flight where you don't die is a good flight in comparison. So what were you doing in the studio that had you so busy you couldn't wait by the phone for my call," Kevin teased.

"Teaching Billy and Alex how to use ProTools. I've got some bands in here for the next couple weeks, so I'll be in the studio every day," I explained.

"'Some bands?' Are you cheating on us?"

"Yea. I haven't done any recording in two years, and it's a new studio. I needed some guinea pigs to work out the bugs in the new space and myself."

"Okay, I guess that's alright."

"It better be. You don't have much of a choice," I teased.

"Really? Maybe we'll just record somewhere else..."

"We have a contract. I get paid the same either way," I laughed. "Besides, where else can you record and get the fringe benefits that you get here?"

"Now that you put it that way..." Kevin conceded.

"Anyway, I'll be in the studio from noon to midnight every day until the 31st."

"Damn, Josh! You trying to make up for lost time?"

"Maybe, but it's not any more than when I was recording for a living -- except I don't have a few days off in-between. I'll have a week to rest my ears before you get here."

We talked for another hour and then I went to bed.

I tried to sleep in the next morning, but I was too excited about getting back in the studio and was up by 7:30. I had breakfast and read the newspaper. I called the band at nine to confirm and headed over to the studio. I turned everything on and played on the 'net until 11:30 when I heard them blowing their horn outside. I went down to let them in.

"Hey, Josh," Anna, the lead singer, said and gave me a hug as I opened the door. "We're glad you're back in the game."

"So am I," I said.

I helped them load everything into the freight elevator and we went up. They loved the new studio and started to set up. The band consisted of Kristen on drum kit, Lance on some 'ethnic' drums from various areas, Anna on acoustic guitar and vocals, and Eric on trombone. After they were set up I set up some mics and set basic levels. I told them to play through the set they wanted to record so I could hear everything. They played through the set while I recorded it straight to DAT as a reference. I closed my eyes and listened. Their sound had gotten a bit harder than the last time I recorded them, and their playing had gotten much better.

Billy came in around 1:30 and quietly sat beside me. I didn't even notice him until I opened my eyes and reached over to adjust a level.

"How long have you been there," I said somewhat startled.

"A few minutes," he answered, smiling because he startled me. "This band is weird."

"Why's that?"

"They don't have a bass or electric guitar. And what's with the trombone?"

I rolled my eyes. "Just listen to them. Bands don't have to be drums, bass and electric guitar to be good."

"Okay, but they're still weird."

"Whatever," I smiled.

After they were done they came into the control booth.

"You guys sound like you've been practicing," I joked.

"At least once a month," Eric joked back.

"Well, that once a month thing is working, 'cause you're pretty tight," I said.

"I always thought Eric was a bit of a tramp," Kristen laughed.

"If anyone would know, it's you," Eric shot back.

"Still dating, huh?" I said.

"Married, actually," Anna answered for them.

"Married?! I didn't even get an invitation. You two are on my shit list," I said.

"No one got an invitation. It was spur of the moment when we were in Vegas, so take us off the list," Eric explained.

"Okay...for now..."

"And who's this handsome young man in the corner?" Anna said looking at Billy, who quietly stood in the corner watching everyone.

Billy blushed and looked at the floor.

"This is Billy," I said.

"Hi, Billy," Anna said flirtatiously.

"Hey," Billy said softly.

Lance gave Anna a little shove. "Stop flirting with the kid. You're scaring him."

She shot him a dirty look.

"Anyway... Listen to the playback and tell me what you want with each song," I said.

We listened to the playback and they explained after each song what they wanted while I made notes. After listening to it a few times and talking over everything, we parted for dinner at five. We would reconvene at seven.

"So?" I said to Billy as we were walking back.

"What?"

"What do you think after hearing them?"

"They're cool, but they're still weird."

"Good enough. Are you gonna come back and help with the real recording?"

"Yea."

"Good. Do you know what happened to Alex?"

"He was talking to some girl," Billy said.

"Gotcha. See you back in the studio," I said as I left him at the fourth family.

When I got to my apartment I found Pedro sitting on the floor outside my door studying his script.

"Pedro. Why are you sitting up here?"

"Hey, Dad. I, uh, need to talk to you," he said.

"Okay. Come on in," I said as I opened the door. Pedro came in and sat down at the dining room table. I sat down opposite him.

"So what's up?" I asked.

"I think I need to see a doctor," he said after a long pause.

"Why's that?"

"Ummm... I had a dream last night and...uh...when I woke up I...uh...wet the bed," he stammered out.

I had a pretty good idea what had happened. "What was the dream about?" I asked.

"Uh...stuff," he said without looking at me.

"Like sex stuff?" I hinted.

Pedro shot me a look of horror that I would know that, and then said, "Yea."

"I don't think you need to see a doctor, you just had a wet dream," I said as comforting as I could.

"So that's a wet dream?"

"Yep. I guess you're gettin' to be a man. I'm sorry, we should have had this talk earlier."

"Talk about wet dreams?" he said somewhat confused.

"And everything else that goes with it."

"Like sex?" Pedro said with a smile.

"Yea, like sex. Tell me what happened in the dream," I said.

"Uh, do I have to?"

"Not if you really don't want to, but there's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has fantasies."

"I'm not ashamed, it's just that..." he stuttered. "It's just that Billy was in mine," he blurted out quickly.

"And you were doing stuff with Billy?" I asked.

He nodded while looking down at the table.

"Does that mean I'm gay?" he asked.

"Maybe. You're too young to know for sure yet. Lots of people have fantasies about the same sex when they're young. There's nothing wrong with being gay, if you are."

"But all the kids at school are always making gay jokes."

"Yea. Some people are afraid of everything different from themselves. That doesn't mean being different is wrong. Many of them are probably just repeating what they've heard."

"So how do I know if I'm gay or not?"

"Do you fantasize about boys or girls or both?"

"Just boys."

"Then you are probably gay, but it's for you to decide what your true feelings are, not for me to tell you."

Pedro sighed. "But everyone hates gays."

"Only small minded people. Not everyone. Do people hate me?" I asked.

"No, but you're not..." Pedro stopped mid sentence. "You're gay!?"

"Yep," I smiled. I hadn't done anything with Kevin in front of the kids, but I didn't realize that they wouldn't just understand that we were together. I knew that some of the older kids understood, but, apparently, the younger ones were clueless.

"Wow," Pedro said with amazement.

"Why 'wow?'" I asked.

"It's just that you don't act like you're gay."

"How does a gay act?"

"In the movies they act like sex fiends and girls. The jokes everyone tells say they act even worse."

"Some are. Some aren't. Gays are just like everyone else. Some are good. Some are bad. Some you can see a mile away and others you wouldn't know unless they told you. Being gay doesn't mean you have to be one way or another. It is just one aspect of your life, not everything."

Pedro thought for a few minutes. "So are we the only gays at Home?"

"Nope."

"Why hasn't anyone told me?"

"Why would they?"

"So I'd know."

"Does it make a difference?"

"No, but...yea, it does. The gay kids could talk about gay stuff that the straight kids wouldn't understand."

"Good point. I guess you've got something to do, then."

"Cool."

"We can continue talking, but I've gotta eat dinner and be back in the studio by seven. You wanna eat here?"

"Yea. I'll go tell Steve," Pedro said and ran out.

I threw some chicken patties in the oven and steamed some broccoli. When Pedro got back I had him stir the cheese sauce.

We talked more about what it meant to be gay. After dinner he asked the one question I wasn't ready for.

"So are you dating anyone?" Pedro asked.

"Yes."

"Really? Who?"

I paused for a moment. "If I tell you, it has to stay here."

"Okay. Who is it?"

"Kevin."

"Really?! You're so lucky," he said with a smile.

"I think so, but remember, you know nothing."

"About what?"

"Good boy. We'll talk more tomorrow. I've gotta get back to the studio," I said.

"Okay. Thanks, Dad," he said and gave me a hug. Before heading out, he asked, "Is anyone else in BSB gay?"

"That's not for me to tell you. Anyone in particular?" I hinted.

"Um, Nick," he said with a big grin.

"I think you'll have better luck with someone closer to your own age," I joked back at him.

"He's not that much older. I'll be 14 in December and he's 19. That's only five years," he smirked back. "Besides," he added just before he shut the door, "you're three years older than Kevin."

I sighed and thought to myself as I walked over to the studio. Each time I had that talk it brought back memories. I did my best to be supportive and understanding -- something that I didn't get. I had finally gotten the nerve to come out to my parents when I was in university. It, like everything else my parents didn't want to hear, was ignored. I may as well have said it to the dog, if we had one.

I let the band in and we went up to the studio to record.

The next morning I was up by 10:00. After breakfast I went straight to the studio. I listened to the 2-track of the songs we were planning to record today, and then listened to the basic tracks we laid down last night a few times. The trombone track needed to be redone, but everything else was okay. The band arrived a little before noon. We worked on tracks until five, and then broke for dinner.

I found Pedro sitting outside my door waiting for me.

"Hey, Dad."

"Hey. Come on in," I said as I opened the door.

"We cover sex today, right?" he said hopefully.

I smiled. "A bit anxious?"

He just smiled.

I went to start dinner and Pedro sat on the counter. I talked as I was cooking.

"Well, first is your body. You're going through puberty now. What that means is that your body is changing from a child to an adult. If it hasn't already, you'll start getting hair under your arms and in your pubic area. Probably on your chest, too. You'll probably get some pimples whether you want them or not, and your voice will get deeper. Most noticeably to you, you'll be horny all the time and have erections for no reason."

"I'm already there," Pedro smirked.

"Most kids your age are. It's not something that people talk about, but everyone has the same problem. I would always get an erection on the school bus."

"Me too. And in class when I'm not even thinking about sex. I have to keep my shirt untucked or everyone would know," Pedro admitted.

"Yea, that works well. You can also hold your books in front of you to hide it," I smiled.

"So how do you make it go away?"

I almost started laughing, but didn't. "Compulsive masturbation."

"You mean jack-off?"

"Jack-off. Masturbate. Choke the chicken. Whatever you want to call it. Despite what they'll admit to, most guys do it."

"Does it work?"

"No," I laughed. "But it does make it feel a whole lot better! You'll eventually get a bit more control of it as you get older, but if you're lucky, it'll never go away completely."

"Why lucky?"

"Because a healthy sex life is one part of being healthy. If you can't get an erection, then something is wrong and you should probably see a doctor."

"Is this for gays, or for everyone?"

"Everyone. Guys, anyway. Girls have it different, but they still go through changes."

"What kind of changes?"

"They start getting breasts and having periods, amongst other things. If you talk with Tina or Susan, they'll be able to tell you better what girls go through."

"Okay. What about sex?"

"Don't do it until you're older."

All I got was a dirty look.

"Okay, gay or straight?" I asked.

"Both."

"Well, first of all, don't rush into it. Sex is fun and feels good, but its more than that. It is the most intimate way to share yourself with someone. Don't do that lightly. Sex without love doesn't feel as good, and leaves you feeling like something is missing. It's better to masturbate than to have sex with someone you aren't in love with. When the time is right, you'll know. Just don't feel you have to do it because everyone else says they have."

"I'm not a sheep," Pedro said indignantly.

"Good. I wasn't suggesting you were, but peer pressure can be strong."

"Okay. Now get to the sex part," Pedro prodded.

I sighed. "Okay. The most important thing in sex with someone you love, gay or straight, is foreplay."

"What's foreplay?"

"Its a lot of things. Kissing. Touching and caressing. Masturbation. Feeding each other. Showering or bathing together. Really, it can be anything. It's being intimate with someone you love. Foreplay takes a lot longer than just the final act of sex, and doesn't even really need to lead to sex. Foreplay is great in and of itself."

"So everything is foreplay? How do you know if it's foreplay, or just something regular?"

"Sometimes you don't."

"That's not very helpful, Dad."

"I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. Relationships are dynamic and each one is different. There is no one answer for everything."

"That's annoying."

"Sometimes, but it keeps it interesting. Anyway, when you do decide to have sex with someone you love, it should be safe sex."

"You mean use condoms?"

"Yea, and other things as well. I'll get you a pamphlet on it so I don't leave anything out."

"Sex..."

"Man, you're anxious. Relax. The mechanics of sex are the boring part. For oral sex with a man, you suck on his dick. For anal sex you stick your dick in his butt hole and move in and out. For sex with a woman you stick you dick in her vagina and move in and out. These are mechanical. It's the feeling behind it and how you do it that makes all the difference."

"Well, then tell me how to do it."

"The only sure way to learn is by doing it. It's something you'll have to learn with your first lover like everyone else."

"Fine," Pedro said exasperated; then after a pause, "Do you have to do everything? I mean, I don't think I want a dick in my butt."

"Of course you don't have to do everything. What you do is between you and your lover. Some gays like to be on the receiving end of anal sex, some on the giving end, and some just don't like it at all. What matters is that it is something both you and your lover want."

"Is that all there is to sex?"

"Nope. It's more difficult that it sounds. Sex is usually the easier part of a relationship. The rest of the relationship can be difficult at times, but its just as important, if not more. Remember, it's all about feeling love for someone and sharing that love, not about getting off."

"Yea, okay."

"I'm serious."

"Okay! I believe you. Does it always have to mean something, though?"

"It's best when it does, but no. It should always be fun. It's not a chore. It's quite alright to laugh and play around when making love. Even preferable."

"Are there web sites for gay kids?" Pedro asked.

"I've seen a few. I'll email you the URLs and you can check them out."

We talked for about another half-hour.

"Okay. I think that's enough for now."

"Okay. Remember that you can come to me with any questions or problems you have. I may not know the answer, but I can help you find it."

"Thanks, Dad."

"You're welcome. I've gotta get back to the studio. Good night."

"Night."

I went back to the studio -- letting the band in on my way. I got back to my apartment at midnight and went straight to bed.

The next week was a blur. I was either in the studio or in bed. Rhythmwright finished up on the 14th, and then Uncle Willy, a sorta bluegrass metal band, if you can imagine such a thing, was in the next five days. Billy had his own comments about them--none of it good. 5/4 Quartet, a jazz fusion type of band, would start tomorrow, but I gave myself a break today, my birthday.

My thirtieth birthday. Damn. I never thought I'd see this day. I didn't feel any older than I did at 18, or even 16 for that matter. My body has aged. My thoughts have matured, but I still feel young. I guess that's good.

For some reason, I decided last night that I'd start doing Tai Chi again. I did it all through university and in Chicago, but stopped when I moved to Cincinnati. I felt the need to start again. I woke up at 6AM and went up on the roof. My body remembered the exercises, but it took a little while to get into the right frame of mind. An hour-and-a-half later I was done and went downstairs to have breakfast.

I was listening to NPR and chewing on a baguette when the phone rang.

"Hello?" I said.

"Good morning, birthday boy," Kevin said.

"Good morning, Backstreet boy," I teased back.

"So how does it feel to be thirty?"

"Eh?! Speak up, young man," I joked.

"Give me a break!" Kevin laughed.

"Okay. It doesn't feel any different."

"Did you get the package I sent?"

"Not yet. What did you send?"

"Your birthday gift."

"So how are you going to get back in time for tomorrow night's show?" I teased.

"I'm sorry I can't be there," Kevin said sadly.

"I'm sorry, too, but don't worry about it. I understand."

We talked for another hour before saying good bye.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come on in," I yelled.

"Mornin' old man," David said with a smile. "You got a package." He tossed me a small box.

"What's with the 'old man' comment? You wanna get fired?" I teased.

"Oh, sorry. 'Mature gentleman,'" he smirked back.

I growled and ripped open the box. It was a video tape with "Happy Birthday, Josh," written on it. I popped it into the VCR and hit play. David sat down to watch it, too. It opened with all the BSB guys in Paris, singing "Happy Birthday" from the top of SacrŽ-Coeur. Next came short bits of Kevin saying, "Happy Birthday, Josh. I love you." in each city they had been to so far and each language of that country. Despite myself, I had tears running down my face when it ended.

David looked at me. "That was so romantic."

"Yea, it was," I said quietly. "How are you and Brian doing?"

"Good, I think. It's really hard to date someone who isn't there, but I guess you already understand that."

"Yea," I signed.

"He brings up sex all the time, by the way," David added like he wanted to talk about it.

"And says what?"

"He really likes to talk dirty to me."

"Do you like it?"

"Very much, but then I'm left alone with my hand," he joked.

"I hope you don't mind my asking, but what is your history with relationships?" I asked.

"I don't mind. Well, in high school I was good friends with this guy named Justin. We were always together since our freshman year. One night our senior year we were getting back from a party and decided to smoke a joint and watch a movie. One thing lead to another and before I knew it we were making out on the sofa. I knew I had gay feelings for him, but I wasn't about to mention it and I wasn't ready to be out. Apparently he felt the same. I don't know what it was that night out of any other night we got stoned and watched movies, but we just started making out. Anyway, my mother walked in on us and had a fit. She threw me out of the house there and then. She then called Justin's parents and told them what she saw. They were much more understanding and cool with it. They invited me to live with them for the rest of the semester, but I would have to have my own bedroom. 'After all,' they said, 'we wouldn't let Justin sleep with his girlfriend here. We're not letting him sleep with his boyfriend. Fair is fair.' We didn't like the rule, but I didn't have much choice. It was about a month later that we first had sex. We continued dating into college, but grew apart. I was always working. studying or in class and didn't have enough time for him. We broke up our sophomore year. I've dated a few time since, but nothing that went for more than a month. I still didn't have the time for the same reasons."

"So if you waited a month after knowing to have sex with Justin, why are you so adamant about having sex with Brian after a few days?" I asked.

"It was different then. I was just coming out. Brian and I have known each other since I started here."

"But he's just coming out."

David looked at me with a smirk. "You ever consider being a therapist?"

"Nope. Just a friend. Outside looking in, you know."

"Well, I'll leave you alone for now. You're birthday party is at five, so don't disappear."

"Okay."

"And Josh..."

"Yea," I said looking up.

"Happy Birthday."

"Thanks."

David left and I rewound the tape and watched it a few more times. I'd been doing pretty good so far, but now I missed Kevin more than I thought possible. I had to call Kevin again.

"Hello?"

"I got the tape. Thank you very much. I love you, too," I said.

I could almost hear Kevin smiling. "Good. I mean it."

"I miss you so much. I was doing okay until now," I practically sobbed.

"Hey! Don't start crying or you'll get me started. Only two more weeks."

"Okay. It's a good thing I'll be busy in the studio until then."

"I gotta go now. I'll call you tomorrow morning. Happy Birthday."

"Thanks. Love you."

"Love you. Bye."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and fell asleep in the chair thinking about Kevin.

I woke up an hour later feeling all warm and fuzzy after the good dreams I had. I hopped in the shower and then sat down at my Mac to check email and read the news. At noon Tina knocked on the door.

"Come on in," I yelled.

"Hey, birthday boy. Come on, we're taking you to lunch at Mullane's," Tina said.

"I..."

"No arguments," she interrupted with a smile.

"Okay," I sighed dramatically.

Tina rolled her eyes and stood there until I joined her. David, Ryan & Tina and I walked downtown to Mullane's. Nick and Susan were there waiting for us. The weather was still nice, so we sat at a table outside on the sidewalk. It made me think of Paris, and then of the video, and then of Kevin. The food was good, as usual. We had a pleasant long lunch and then walked back.

I got a few phone calls throughout the afternoon from people wishing me a happy birthday. The rest of the BSB guys called around four. Even my baby brother called -- which surprised me. We got along okay, but he never remembered my birthday. I guess he must be growing up. Saying 'baby' brother is a bit deceptive; he's 17.

Anyway, Leroy, Jimmy and Christopher came to get me at five and we walked over to Fermata. Everyone was there: all the kids, David, Ryan & Tina, Nick, Susan, a bunch of the bands I've recorded, some engineers I've worked with... You get the idea. 5/4 Quartet provided the music and played The Beatles version of Happy Birthday when I walked in the door. All in all it was a nice birthday party. The only thing that could have made it better is if Kevin had been there.

We stopped the party at nine because the kids had school the next day. It was 9:30 before everyone got out. Nick and Tina joined me in my apartment. There were a few more messages wishing me happy birthday on the answering machine, including one from James. There was a long babbling one from my mother, and a couple hang-ups that I figured were from my father. He refused to leave messages. I took a few minutes and called my mother. She was the same as usual. We really only talked on birthdays and holidays. After I won the money I bought her a double-wide trailer on an acre of land in Michigan -- what she's always wanted. I could never understand anyone actually wanting to live in a trailer. We had a fifteen minute conversation where she filled me in on which brother or sister or cousin had which kid or marriage or divorce. She never failed to ask if I was dating any nice girl, yet. The concept of me being gay had never sunk in.

"No, Mom. But I am dating a very nice man," I said with a sigh.

"Oh. Well I'm sure you'll find the right woman someday," she said in total denial.

"Okay, Mom, I've got people waiting on me so I'll talk to you later. Bye."

"Okay. Bye, honey. I love you."

I hung up the phone and sighed. It rang again.

"Hello?"

"You're home," my father said, stating the obvious.

"For a few minutes."

"I've been trying to call you all night."

"I know."

"So were you out partying?"

"At a birthday party. Yes." He knew I hated using the word 'party' as a verb.

"Well, happy birthday."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. You going out partying again?"

"Yea, sure. Nick and Susan are waiting here to take me out again."

"Okay. I'll let you go. Happy birthday. Bye."

"Bye." I hung up the phone. "Let's go," I said to Nick and Susan.

"Still senile?" Nick smiled, referring to my parents.

"As always," I sighed.

We went downstairs, piled into Nick's car, and headed to Jacob's on the Avenue. It was a newer club and I'd never been there before. It was a very nice gay friendly bar with a good mix of people -- even on a Wednesday night. We sat at a table drinking coffee and talking until they closed at one. They dropped me off at Home and I went straight to bed.

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. Well, maybe Thanksgiving, too. It's the autumn, mostly, that I enjoy. The color in the trees. The slight coolness of the air. The smell of dead leaves. With Halloween I enjoyed creating haunted houses and trying to scare people. I enjoy being scared. Unfortunately, I'm not easily scared, so I was always looking for something more. Not just the standard spooky things would do. It had to be a bit more psychological. Slasher films were definitely not frightening -- unless you consider why someone would actually make one of them. No, I prefer films like "The Exorcist" or "The Blair Witch Project." Films that made you think there was more going on than just some psycho with an axe. They still didn't scare me, but they did hold my interest.

With all that in mind, I would have loved to set up a good haunted house at Fermata, but I was in the studio and didn't have time. I did have time, however, to scare the hell out of "Surgeon General's Warning," the last band I recorded, last night. It was a bit high tech, but quite effective. Let's just say it involved replacing the mirror in the bathroom near the studio. It looked like a regular mirror, but when you looked at it at a certain angle, there was a very demonic looking face looking back at you. I knew it had worked when Sampson, the drummer, came back into the studio looking a bit pale and nervous. It took all my will-power not to start laughing.

"You don't look very well, Sampson," I said seriously.

"Uh, I'm fine. Just tired," he said back unconvincingly.

"Really? You weren't tired before you went to the bathroom. I'd prefer if you waited until you got home before jacking off," I teased.

"Fuck you," he said.

I smiled and went back to working on the mix-down. A little while later Jane, the bass player, returned from the bathroom looking just as pale.

"Is there something wrong with my bathroom? I keep it clean, so I know it's not the smell," I asked.

Jane and Sampson exchanged glances and slightly nodded to each other, but said nothing.

"No, I'm just getting tired, too. Are we about done yet?" she asked.

"One more song," I answered.

We finished the mix-down and walked out of the studio. Laura, the lead singer, excused herself to go to the bathroom before they left. A few minutes later we heard her screaming and rushed into the bathroom. She was frozen against the wall of the bathroom pointing at the mirror and screaming her head off -- so to speak. I couldn't hold it anymore and burst out laughing.

They looked at me like I was possessed.

"Happy Halloween!" I said.

It took them a few seconds to register, then they suddenly felt foolish for being got. They laughed it off and admitted it was a good Halloween trick. They said 'good night' after promising to get me back. I replaced the mirror with the regular one and hung it on the wall in the second apartment on the 8th floor. It would be after Halloween when the guys would be back in there, but it could still be good for a laugh.

Anyway, after that, today would be calm. I didn't set anything up to scare the kids. The older ones would be okay, but I didn't want the younger ones to have nightmares that would keep everyone up for the next couple nights. We just had the standard type decorations around Home. The kids played pranks on each other all weekend and were all on their toes waiting for something to jump out at them at any minute. It was hilarious. Kevin called around 5pm.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Josh!"

"Vin! Hey. Where are you?"

"I'm in Orlando. Just got home."

"Great! Can I call you back tonight? I've gotta take the kids out trick-or-treating."

"Okay. Call my cell 'cause we'll be on the road," Kevin answered.

"On the road?"

"Yea. Brian and I are driving up to Lexington tonight."

"Why not fly?" I asked.

"Because we'll be in Cincinnati for a while and will need a car. It makes more sense for us to bring one of ours instead of renting one."

"Okay."

"We'll spend a few days with family and then we'll be up to Cincy Wednesday night."

"I can't wait."

"Me neither."

"Come on, Dad!" Christopher yelled from the doorway.

"The natives are getting restless. I'd better go. Love you," I said.

"Love you. Bye."

I hung up, grabbed my jacket and walked out the door.

"In a hurry?" I joked to Christopher.

"Yes!"

"Then let's go," I said picking him up and throwing him over my shoulder as I walked down the stairs. He giggled and squirmed, trying to get away. After two flights I put him down and raced him down the stairs -- letting him win.

"I won!" he yelled triumphantly and we entered the lobby.

"This time..." I joked back.

I took the younger kids to businesses and apartment buildings downtown that were supporting trick-or-treating. Nick, Ryan & Tina took the older kids to a Halloween party in Eden Park, and David stayed at Home to give out candy. Their bags were soon full and we headed back. David and I checked over the candy for any tampering before letting them have any. It all looked okay. I invited whoever wanted to come up to my apartment to watch 'scary movies.' I soon had a stampede for my apartment. I left David to take care of any remaining trick-or-treaters and went up to watch movies with the kids. The movies I got were the old black & white versions of "Dracula" and "Frankenstein." Perfect for the kids. They were sound asleep by nine when the older kids got back from the party. With some help, I got the younger kids to bed, and then a few kids joined Nick and I to watch some scarier movies: "The Exorcist" and "The Omen." Everyone left at 1:30am and I called Kevin.

"Hey, Vin!"

"Josh! I was beginning to think you forgot."

"Nope. Everyone just left. It's Halloween, you know."

"Yea, I know. Cops are everywhere and we've had to drive the speed limit all night. We're just getting to Atlanta, now," Kevin complained.

"Well, you'll soon be out of it. If I remember correctly, the speed limit in Atlanta with a cop around is about 85," I laughed.

"Not tonight. We're doin' about 40 through a construction zone that has traffic backed up for miles. It's 1:30 in the morning. What are all these people doing on the road?! Have I ever mentioned how much I hate traffic jams?"

"Then let Brian drive."

"He drove as far as Macon and is asleep in the back. It's my turn to drive the rest of the way."

"Well, then you'll just have to suffer," I teased. "Put on some Bob Dylan. It's great driving music and you'll be in Lexington before you know it."

"Strangely, there's no Bob Dylan in the car," Kevin replied sarcastically.

"No Dylan for a road trip?! You'll have to pack better next time," I laughed.

We talked for another half-hour before I went to bed.

I got up the next morning around nine, did my Tai Chi, ate breakfast, showered, and then... I didn't know what to do. I had nothing planned. David, Ryan & Tina had all but taken over the administrative stuff with Home... I didn't need to be in the studio... I decided to take a book over to Fermata and sit in the 18+ part and read.

This part of Fermata had pretty much become a coffee house. Dan, the manager Tina had hired for it, decided to have it open 24/7 and promoted it quite a bit at the universities around town. I haven't been around Dan much, but he seemed to be a nice guy. He had graduated last year with a degree in restaurant management and his family owned a restaurant in Goshen, Indiana. He had other brothers and sisters to take over the family business and wanted to get out of Goshen, anyway. He was always doing something and could easily be described as "hyper." Anyway, the coffee house was doing well enough to justify being open 24/7.

"Hey, Josh," Dan said as I walked in the door. There were about 10 other people in the place. Two of them were eating and the others were drinking coffee and reading.

"Hey, Dan. How's it going?" I asked, sitting down at the bar.

"Pretty good. What can I get you?"

"Coffee, please."

"Sure thing. No recording today?" he asked as he poured me a cup of coffee.

"Nope. None until the 14th."

"So you're bored..." he hinted.

I chuckled. "Yea."

"Well, the lunch crowd is starting up. Maybe I'll put you to work waiting tables," Dan laughed.

"If you need the help, just ask," I said honestly.

"I'm just kidding, Josh. This place isn't so large that I can't handle it."

"Okay."

"Hey, I've got an idea to bring in more people," he said as he filled a carafe.

"Yea?"

"We need to get some computers on the 'net in here."

"What's it gonna cost and how are you going to charge?" I asked.

"Here's the numbers," Dan said pulling out a couple sheets of paper from under the counter and handing them to me. "We already have the T1 to Home and out to the net, so that cost is already there. Ten paying computers justifies that cost more than just the three in the office. As you can see, it'll cost about $40 a day to break even. Divide that by ten computers that are available 24 hours and it's pretty cheap. If we charge $6 an hour, we're making pretty good money."

I looked at the numbers. "That's quite a profit if they're kept busy. We could easily still make a profit by charging a little less."

"It's much less than the going rate. Kinko's charges $15+ an hour and most of the cyber cafŽs I've been in have charged $10 an hour, plus the drinks were outrageously priced. Six bucks and hour with our reasonable drink and food prices is very generous."

"Okay. Sounds good to me."

"Great! When can we get them?"

"Hold on. You have to present this to the rest of the board. This is a fairly large capital expenditure that needs everyone's approval."

"Okay. When are your meetings?"

"The meetings are as needed. Two of the other shareholders will be in town Wednesday and the rest next weekend."

"Just a sec," Dan said as he went to wait on a group of people who just entered. He returned about ten minutes later. "So you gonna tell me who the other owners are, or do I have to guess?"

"Tina didn't tell you?" I asked.

"I wouldn't be asking if she had."

I lowered my voice and leaned in to him. "The Backstreet Boys."

"Ah, so that's how you got them to play for the opening of the club."

"Yep."

"Why are they going to be in town?"

"I'm recording their next album, but keep that knowledge to yourself. I don't want to have fans breaking into Home to see them."

"Oh, come on. Psycho fans? No one is going to break into Home," Dan said incredulously.

"I wish it were so, but I've experienced their rabid fans first hand. I've already got guards hired for all the entrances because their record company required it. I don't want to have to hire a bunch more," I explained.

"Okay. Can you set up a meeting as soon as they're all here? I'd like to have everything in before finals. All the papers that will be due will make for good business. Be right back," he said as he went over to help more people.

"That's okay. I'll let you get back to work," I said and walked back Home. I went back up to my apartment and sat down to read.

The rest of the day and Tuesday were incredibly boring. When did my life get this boring? After the kids got home each day I spent all my time with them. It was nice and all, but... Today, however, I've been incredibly anxious all day. Kevin is going to be here at 11pm--after the kids have gone to bed. It's only 6pm. This has got to be the slowest day in history.

I decided to give Nick a call to pass the time.

"Hey, Nick. What's up?" I said.

"Josh. Just working on specs. Boring. Boring. Boring. What are you doing? I though Kevin was getting in today..." Nick said.

"Not until late tonight. Right now I'm just bored and anxious and I hate it."

Nick laughed.

"What are you laughing at? My life has gotten so incredibly boring. The past three days I've had nothing to do, and now I'm getting excited about seeing my boyfriend in a few hours. I'm happy with Kevin and how things there are going, but I don't feel like I'm doing much of my own life. Since David, Ryan & Tina have been here I feel like I'm... I don't know. I guess I'm just bored."

"Your life is not boring, Josh. You just want it to be exciting and stressful all the time," Nick explained.

"Yea..." I sighed.

"You always have to be in a couple projects at once or you feel like you aren't doing anything. Don't worry, you'll have a new project to work on pretty soon."

"Yea... Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now I'd love to play doctor with you until Kevin gets there, but I've gotta get these specs done by tomorrow morning," Nick laughed.

"An all-nighter?! At your age?!" I joked.

"Yes, an all nighter at my age, which, by the way, is younger than you," Nick laughed.

"Well maybe I'll bring you some food and coffee sometime around four."

"With Kevin getting in tonight? I won't hold my breath," Nick laughed.

"I said maybe."

"Okay. I'll leave your name at the guard desk so you can get in. Later."

"Later."

I hung up the phone and there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," I yelled.

David walked in and started pacing. "Is this day dragging on incredibly slowly?" He said as he continued to pace. I had to laugh.

"Yea, it is draggin' a bit."

"Just checking. I'm gonna check on the kids again. Four more hours," David said walking out.

I took a shot of Tequila and tried to take a nap, but it only lasted about a half-hour. As the time got closer I started to get nervous. Kevin and I hadn't been together for more than a week or two straight at a time. What would happen now that we'd be living together for a few months straight? Would our relationship crash? I did love Kevin very much, but sometimes that isn't enough to live with someone. 'Stop it,' I told myself. 'Everything's gonna be fine.'

I made myself a cup of coffee and joined the kids in the Fourth family until their bedtime at ten. After that I went to the studio to play piano. Anything to keep my mind occupied. I stopped at a little before eleven and sat at a window to watch for their arrival.