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Disclaimer: This story is fiction. It makes no claims to the true personality and sexuality of anyone involved. You already know if you shouldn't be reading this.

Note: This is the complete story with a few corrections. It only differs slightly from the numbered versions previously posted to Nifty.

------------------ HOME by JM

Part VII

Nick thought quicker than Kevin or I and pulled Kevin into a kiss and then me. Howie was next. By the time it was all over, I think everyone had kissed everyone. They all hugged and waved at the camera, acting a bit drunk, as it moved on.

"No more kissing in public. Understand!?" AJ threatened us.

"But..." Kevin started.

"None! You two stay apart," Howie added.

"I understand, coz, but this isn't the place or time," Brian added.

"I'll take care of Josh," Nick said and started pushing me away.

I looked over my shoulder to see Kevin being dragged the other way. "This sucks," I grumbled.

"I know, but get over it. You know as well as the rest of us that Kevin can't come out -- at least not like that."

I just grunted.

"Forget about it right now. You can kiss and whatever when you get back to the hotel. It's a new millennium. Have some fun!"

"Actually, the new millennium doesn't start until next year."

"Who cares, smart-ass. Come on. Let's go dance with some ladies," Nick grinned and pulled me into a crowd of people who were dancing.

The night dragged on, but I did dance with who knows how many people. By this point most people were drunk, and the dancing was mostly bump and grind, so I didn't look like a complete fool. Two hours later, Howie came to get us to go back to the hotel. We gathered the kids and made our way back to the bus. I flopped down into the seat next to Kevin after counting heads to make sure we didn't forget anyone. He was as hot and sweaty as I was.

"Hey, sexy," I said softly.

"Hey," Kevin said somewhat sadly and took my hand.

"Whatcha thinking about?" I asked.

"We'll talk about it when we get back to the hotel," Kevin said and looked out the window for the rest of the ride.

There were no crowds when we got back to the hotel.

"Hey guys, can we talk?" Kevin asked the rest of the BSB guys as we got to our floor.

"Can it wait until morning?" AJ asked.

"I'd prefer not."

"I'll take the kids so you can have your meeting in your room," David offered.

A few minutes later we were sitting around the living room area of the hotel room. All eyes were on Kevin.

"What's up, coz?" Brian asked.

Kevin looked up to all of them, took a deep breath, and then said, "I want to come out."

"What?!" AJ yelled.

"You can't," Howie added.

"We're fucked," Nick sighed and flopped back in his chair.

"Just relax, will you?! I didn't say I was going to. I said I want to. I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize the group and I won't do it unless you all agree."

"Then you're not gonna do it," AJ said.

"Why are you thinking about this now? Does this have to do with your slip-up tonight?" Howie asked.

"Kinda. I've been thinking about it for a while. Tonight was just another reminder. I want to be able to go out with Josh and not have to pretend that we're just friends. I'm tired of sneaking around."

"So you're tired of sneaking around and now you want to destroy Backstreet?" AJ said.

"No. I don't want to destroy Backstreet. It didn't hurt BoyZone, and we're more popular. Besides, I'm 'the quiet older one' that no one pays attention to."

"But they do pay attention to Brian," Howie said.

"I'm not ready to come out to the fans, yet," Brian said quickly.

"Listen, Kev. You know I'm all for diversity and being and individual and all that, but this industry isn't," AJ said.

"He's right, Vin. I'd love for you to be able to come out, but your main fans are teen girls. It would be telling them they had no chance with you," I added.

"They don't," Kevin interrupted.

"True, but that's not the point. The image that you guys have worked so hard to project is as teen idols. The whole point of teen idols is..."

"Yea. I know exactly. Don't any of you think I've thought this through?!" Kevin almost yelled.

"We all know you and know that's not the case, but maybe your judgement may be off on this one," Howie said.

"I'd like to just come out too, Kev, but I still want to work. Being gay in this business is okay if you don't talk about it. Talking about it is death," Brian said.

"Maybe it's time to change things," Kevin said.

"How?" Nick asked.

"We're doing pretty good right now. It'll probably affect us, but it won't destroy us."

"Name another group with an openly gay member besides BoyZone," AJ said.

"Queen. George Michael. Elton John. REM. Culture Club. Ricky Martin, probably," Kevin smirked.

"N'SYNC," Nick added.

"Stop it, Nick," Brian chastised.

"Just poking a little fun at the competition."

"And now our label-mates and people we'll probably have to tour with," AJ said.

"Tough crowd," Nick sighed and flopped back in his chair.

"Besides, they're hardly competition. They need some serious help with their production and song choices," I said.

"Maybe you'll get your chance," AJ smiled.

"No thanks. I don't want Home to be known as a home for boys and boy-bands," I smirked.

Groans all around.

"Anyway," Kevin said pulling everyone back to the subject. "We've been working to become more of a band than a singing group. That may alienate some of our audience as well. We agreed that we're at the point we can experiment a bit more with our music and audience."

Howie sighed. "I'm really tired and we can talk about this all morning. Why don't we all go to bed and sleep on it? We'll get The Firm involved and see what they think we can get away with, as well."

Everyone voiced their agreement by dispersing back to their rooms.

Kevin and I took a quick shower before going to bed.

"Is this what you were thinking about on the bus?" I asked as I washed his back.

"Yea. Do you think it's stupid for me to try to come out?"

"Only stupid that it should have to be a concern. I don't want to hide you, but I also don't want your career to suffer because of bigotry."

"Maybe I should just quit BSB," Kevin said softly. "They can find a replacement for me."

"You don't really want that, do you?"

"No, but I want to be with you, and I'm tired of hiding. It was easy when I was younger and single, but not anymore."

"And I want to be with you, but not like that."

"Huh?"

"I want to share my life with you, not have you give up yours to join mine or give up mine to join yours. If you decide to come out, I'll be there. If you don't, I'll still be there. It really doesn't matter to me if people know we're together or not. You're not my trophy boyfriend," I smiled.

Kevin smiled, but didn't say anything else. We finished our shower and went to bed.

I woke up two hours later at 8AM. I was still exhausted, but couldn't get back to sleep. The tension in my shoulders and neck was painful. I put on my bathing suit and some sweats and went down to the pool area. I started my T'ai Chi routine. Just as I was finishing, I noticed Nick walk into the pool area with Adam.

"Mornin', Josh," they both said.

"Hey, guys. Did you stay all night?" I asked Adam.

"Yea. It was late and I didn't feel like driving home."

"The bastard fell asleep in my bed," Nick smirked.

"You weren't in it, and it was the only one available at the time," Adam countered.

"So where'd you sleep, Nick?" I asked.

"With Adam," Nick stated nonchalantly.

"Really?" I hinted.

"Don't get all excited. I kept my clothes on and it's a big bed," Adam smirked.

"That's never stopped Nick," I joked.

"Fuck you," Nick deadpanned.

"Well, if something did happen, he's not very good because it didn't wake me up," Adam teased.

I laughed. "Was your hand wet when you woke up?"

"Shut up, Josh," Nick threatened.

"Fine. So what are you two doing down here at this hour?" I asked.

"T'ai Chi..." Nick stated like it should be obvious. "And we have an interview at one."

"Oh. Okay. What about you, Adam?"

"This asshole woke me up and dragged me down here so he wouldn't have to go by himself," Adam smirked.

"You're brother can be a real prick, Josh."

"It's genetic, I think, but being a Floridian doesn't help," I said.

"Hey!" Nick feigned offense.

I started taking off my sweats to get in the pool.

"Did you talk Kevin out of coming out?" Nick asked.

"No. It's his choice. I told him it didn't matter to me one way or the other, so he shouldn't figure me into the decision."

"Oh."

"I think I did talk him out of quitting Backstreet, though."

"He was gonna quit!?" Nick yelled.

"He mentioned it like he'd been thinking about it. I made it clear that I thought it was a bad idea."

"That would be bad. Probably worse than him coming out. No, definitely worse," Nick said, almost to himself.

"I agree," I said.

"Who asked you?" Adam smirked and pushed me backwards into the pool. I quickly grabbed his hand and held tight. I was leaning out over the water with Adam struggling not to be pulled in. Nick saw his chance and gave Adam a shove, sending both of us into the water.

I was planning on swimming a few laps anyway and was in my bathing suit, so it wasn't a big deal. Adam, however, was fully clothed and now wanted revenge. He jumped out of the pool immediately and started chasing Nick around the pool area. I watched them for a few moments, and then started swimming laps. I was on my fourth lap when I heard a splash. I looked up to see Adam holding Nick's head underwater, and then Nick lifting Adam into the air and throwing him behind him. They were attacking each other and taking over that side of the pool, so I guess my laps were over. I got out and went to the hot tub. Ahhh... This is what I needed. I closed my eyes and let the heat and bubbles do their work.

Suddenly, I noticed that it got quiet. I opened my eyes just in time to shut them again as Nick and Adam cannon-balled into the hot tub. I grabbed them both into a headlock as they came up.

"Ha!" I said as they struggled to break away. Adam tried tickling me. I dunked them quickly, pushed them aside and got out. They were laughing.

I toweled off and went back up to my room. Kevin was still in bed and curled up around a pillow. I sat down on the bed beside him and gently rubbed his back.

"I don't want to get up today," Kevin groaned and pulled the pillow over his head.

"So don't. We're just hanging around the hotel until our flight tonight."

"No. We have an interview at one and I've got to meet with the guys and management before we fly back."

"Do you want me to be there?"

"Always, but no, not with this. You won't be able to help with anything and management will insist you sign NDA's just to sit in the meeting. Too much of a hassle. Besides," Kevin said with a smirk, "you tend to get a bit riled up when it comes to this kinda stuff."

"Guilty as charged."

"Let's take a shower before the kids get up," Kevin said and pushed back the covers.

"I thought you didn't want to get up today?" I smiled as I wrapped my hand around his erection.

"Well, since I'm already up..."

We had a nice long shower and a bit more in what had become our sanctuary. We were never disturbed in the shower.

"So you're gay, too?" I heard Adam say as I walked out of the bedroom. He and Nick were sitting in the living room area with Pedro.

"Um, yea. How'd you..." Pedro stuttered.

"Just know what to look for," Adam quickly answered. "So do you have the hots for anyone?" Adam teased.

"Uh, yea."

"Who?"

Pedro gave a quick glance to Nick, and then looked down. "I can't tell you."

"Aw, come on. Who is it?" Adam prodded.

Pedro glanced at Nick again and then looked Adam straight in the eyes. "I can't tell you," he repeated.

Adam's eyes lit up. "Ahh. Gotcha," he said with a smile and a small gesture towards Nick, who was watching TV.

Pedro quickly looked away.

Adam knew his guess was correct.

"Anyone had breakfast yet?" I interrupted to save Pedro some embarrassment should Adam decide to go on.

"I need to take a shower first," Pedro said and quickly ran to the bathroom with his clothes.

"What?" Adam said to me.

"Don't tease him, Adam."

"Relax. I didn't embarrass him in front of his man. Right, Nick?" Adam said and jabbed Nick in the ribs.

"Huh?" Nick said pulling his attention from the TV.

"See?" Adam smirked.

"It's about time you guys got done. We gotta get going," Nick said. "Where's Kevin?"

"Right here," Kevin said coming out of the bedroom.

"Come on. We're gonna be late," Nick said and dragged Kevin out of the room.

I got a quick kiss good-bye and he was whisked away.

"So what's Nick's story?" Adam asked once we were alone. "Is he gay? I can't tell."

"He says he's straight. I think he has some bi leanings, though. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious. He seems kinda clingy."

"Clingy?"

"Yea. Like he wants to be around someone all the time. What's his issue?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know? Come on, bro. You never let anything drop and people tell you everything. Do you not know or are you not going to tell me?"

"I don't know. I've only known him for about nine months. He just needs a lot of attention, and a friend his own age."

"Doesn't he have friends his own age?"

"I don't think so. Just you and James. He's mostly with his band mates, who treat him like a little brother, for the most part."

"So he clings to the few people he can find, even if it's only for a few days."

"I guess."

"Makes sense now."

"Does it matter?"

"No. I guess not. He's fun to hang out with. I was just curious, and I knew you would have his story."

"You could have asked him."

"I probably will, but now I can compare it to an objective view."

"You're awfully cynical."

"Must be heredity," Adam smirked.

"Probably. Not that I want you to leave, but why are you still here?"

"'Cause I don't feel like dealing with Arthur right now."

"Getting bad?"

"Yea, you could say that. Last week he was in a pissy mood and dragged me out of bed at 6am to clean the garage. I did it quickly and went back to bed. That really pissed him off and he demanded that I go sweep the dirt off the grass."

"Sweep the dirt off the grass?"

"Honest. He's completely senile. I told him to fuck off."

"How hard did you get decked for that?"

"He tried, but I'm quicker than he is. I got out of there and spent the next couple days at Jose's until Mom said it was cool to come back."

"Been there. Done that. But I didn't go back."

"You had a choice. You could go live with your mother. I don't have that option."

"Yea, but you'll be 18 soon and you graduate in May and can get the hell outta there."

"And do what? Arthur's not gonna pay for me to go to college and my grades aren't good enough to get a scholarship. Work at Disney for minimum wage?"

"I thought you weren't interested in going to college?"

"I wasn't, but as graduation gets closer, I'm getting interested."

"To study what?"

"I don't know. Maybe computers. I've always been good with Math."

"Well, if you decide to go, I'll make you the same deal I make all my kids. I'll pay for tuition, housing and books as long as you keep a 3.2 or better."

"What about everything else?" Adam smiled.

"Get a job."

"Thanks. Seriously."

"You're welcome. Seriously."

"Let's go eat breakfast."

"You go ahead. I'm gonna make sure the kids all get up."

Adam slugged me on the arm and ran out of the room just as Pedro was coming out of the bathroom.

"What are we doing today, Dad?" Pedro asked.

"Just hangin' around the hotel. We'll catch the bus to the airport around seven."

"Okay. I'm gonna go have breakfast, or lunch."

After Pedro left I flopped down in a chair. Too many serious conversations in the past twelve hours.

"Joshua Matthews. Will you marry me?" I thought I heard Kevin say.

I slowly opened my eyes. I'd apparently fallen asleep. "Huh?"

"Will you marry me?" Kevin said again.

"Yea, sure, Vin. What time is it?" I said still groggy.

"A little before four. I'm serious."

"I believe you. It's a little before four."

"No. Will you marry me?"

I understood him this time. "Unless you're gonna get a sex change, we can't get married, Vin," I stated.

"We can in Hawaii."

"And that marriage is not recognized anywhere else in the US."

"I don't care if it's legal."

"Okay. Sure."

"That's it? 'Sure?'"

"Sorry. Marriage isn't gonna change anything between us except we'll be husbands instead of boyfriends. Just a label. I'm committed without the piece of paper or ceremony that says I'm legally committed. I've never really planned on getting married, so I haven't nurtured any fantasies about it."

"You don't want to get married?" Kevin said kinda hurt.

"I said I would, but the ceremony of it would be for you. I love you without the paper telling me I have to."

"I guess I understand."

"So what brings this up now. You didn't quit the band, did you?"

"Nope," Kevin smiled, "Even better. We decided that Brian and I would announce we were getting married -- not to each other. That would take us out of the teen idol picture, so when we eventually can come out, it won't be as big of a hit on the group."

"So Brian's proposing to David?"

"I don't think so. I wouldn't put it past him, though."

"So who's the lucky bride, and how is the press going to react to you never being around her?"

"We're gonna keep that a secret for now. If the press gets too nosey, we'll deal with it then."

"So when are we having our wedding?"

"I think when we're on our anniversary in Paris would be a good time," Kevin smiled.

"So we're going to Paris for our anniversary, huh?"

"Yep. No kids. No band-mates. No managers. No media. Just us."

"And when we get back you'll be 'Dad' to 40+ kids," I smirked.

"My mom will be thrilled."

"She won't be thrilled about not being at the wedding."

"We'll have to have another ceremony here when we get back."

"You're gonna look awfully silly in a wedding gown," I joked.

"You haven't seen the gown. You'll look beautiful," Kevin smiled and leaned in for a kiss.

Our kiss was interrupted by the growling of my stomach, and then Kevin's giggle.

"Someone hungry?" Kevin asked.

"Yea, actually. I haven't eaten yet today."

"Well, let's go fix that. I haven't eaten, either."

We went down to the restaurant and had an early dinner. We finished at a little past five and started the process of rounding up the kids and making sure they were packed and had dinner before we left for the airport at seven.

The bus ride to the airport was the opposite of when we'd left. The newness of flying was past and we were going back Home. No excitement. Lots of exhaustion. Everyone would have slept on the plane, but the turbulence was bad the whole way back. No one got sick, thankfully.

We were finally Home. Everyone went straight to bed.

It was good to be home. Sunday morning was lazy. I got up around nine and did T'ai Chi with Nick -- teaching him another routine. Took a shower. Ate breakfast. Read the Sunday paper. It wasn't until 11:30 that Kevin dragged his sleepy butt out of bed and went straight to the shower. Nick was watching E!, for some reason, and I was checking email when Kevin finally joined the living.

"Mornin'," Kevin said softly and kissed me on the cheek. "Anything interesting?" He asked referring to the list of email on my screen.

"Not really."

"Josh! Kevin! Get over here!" Nick yelled.

"What is it?"

"They've got a story on us next," Nick said.

"What are you watching?" I asked.

"E!"

We sat down and waited through the commercials until the show came back. They went to some gossipy queen for their 'hot scoop' section.

"'Tell me why' this Backstreet Boy is in a passionate kiss with another man. Yes, what you see is Kevin Richardson from the Backstreet Boys engaged in a passionate kiss with an unknown man just as the new millennium began. And then another kiss from band-mate Nick Carter to both of them and then the rest of the band joins in. Are these the BackSTREET Boys, or the BackDOOR Boys? I wanna know how I can join..."

"Well... At least he kept emphasizing it was a 'passionate kiss,'" I joked.

Kevin slapped me with a sofa cushion.

"Do you think we got away with it?" Nick asked Kevin.

"I thought so, but now it seems the tabloids have it," Kevin answered and then his cell phone started ringing. "Hello? Oh, hey Kurt. Yea, this is Kevin... Uh huh... Yea, I saw it... That we kissed? Yea, it's pretty obvious, isn't it?... Come on, Kurt. It was New Year's... Oh, yea, that's true. I am engaged... Nope. I wanna keep that private... Okay. Thanks for calling before you aired... Uh huh... Okay. Happy New Year to you, too. Later," Kevin said and hit end.

"Kurt? As in Kurt Loder with MTV News?" Nick asked.

"Yea. I don't think we have anything to worry about, though. They're gonna air it, but they're gonna add my comments."

"I'm surprised they haven't aired it already," I said.

"They chalked it up to what we made it look like -- New Year's revelry. If the tabloids hadn't picked up on it they wouldn't even mention it, Kurt said. I should probably let Jay know what's up, though," Kevin said and called their manager to explain what had happened.

"Okay, what do we want to do for AJ's birthday," Kevin said after he got off the phone.

"When is it?" I asked.

"Next Sunday."

"It's AJ. Just give him some chocolate cake and rocky road ice cream and send him off to a club," Nick said.

"That's it?" I asked.

"Well, he's not getting what I got for my birthday," Kevin smirked.

"Absolutely not, but maybe we can lock Nick up in the basement overnight, just to give the same feeling," I joked.

"Fuck you," Nick deadpanned.

"So cake and ice cream at Fermata, and then off to a club?"

"Sounds good to me," Kevin said. "Let's go out a look for a gift."

"Okay. Where do you want to go?" I asked.

"Let's just go to a mall," Nick said.

"I hate malls. I would have thought that you wouldn't be too fond of them either, since the chance of being mobbed is pretty good."

"That's what disguises are for, and if we're not all together, the chances of being recognized are lower," Kevin answered.

"Yea, okay. You guys can go to the mall if you want. I'm gonna check out some other places first," I said.

"Like..."

"There's some cool shops in Clifton. I'm sure he wouldn't already have anything I would find there."

"Okay, well, let's check those out first, and then we'll go to the mall if we don't find anything," Kevin said.

We gathered Brian and AJ and went shopping. None of the kids felt like going, but I did offer. We split up once we got there, but Kevin came with me.

I knew it was the perfect gift as soon as I saw it.

"Vin! This is it!" I said.

"That?!"

"Yea. He doesn't already have one, does he?"

"No, I'm pretty sure he doesn't."

"$300. Wanna go halves on it?"

"Where is he gonna put it?"

"Doesn't matter. It's cool. Look, even has five monkeys, or guys. Maybe monkey guys."

"Symbolism, huh?"

"Sure." I picked it up to see how heavy it was. "It's not too heavy, either."

"It would be kinda funny," Kevin said as he thought about it.

"Yea, you could make it some sorta weird symbol thing. Have it on the side of the stage for every show. Make people ask about it and make up stories of its meaning."

"Okay. Let's get it."

We paid for it and then carried it out to the truck. I threw a blanket over it to hide it, but I'm pretty sure no one would break in to steal it, and went to find the rest of the guys.

We almost walked into them walking out of The Garage, a collection of small shops in an old garage.

"Hey. Get anything?" Kevin asked.

"Yea. We went together and got this," Howie said as he opened a small box to show us a platinum and gold ring.

"Very nice," Kevin said.

"We could wrap that in our gift," I smiled.

Kevin started laughing. "Yea. Put it in the teeth."

"I'm kinda scared to ask, but what did you two get him?" Brian said.

"It's in the truck," I answered.

We walked back to the truck and I pulled back the cover. Nick started laughing.

"What the fuck is that?!" Brian and Howie said.

"Pretty cool, huh?" I smiled.

"That's one way to describe it," Howie said.

"The freak'll probably love it," Brian smirked.

We went back Home and found a place to hide mine and Kevin's gift -- a seven foot tall wood carving of five monkey men sitting on each other's shoulders. I'd have to think of a way to wrap it.

The rest of the day was spent lounging around and relaxing.

Monday morning. The kids, reluctantly, went back to school. We spent most of the day in the studio listening to what we had done so far. Some of it was usable. Most of it wasn't. They were a bit frustrated when we called it a day. Sure, bits and pieces were good, but nothing completely usable. They even considered just calling in some songwriters they had used in the past. I discouraged that for now. Maybe if they didn't have anything in a month...

The rest of the week was spent working on writing lyrics. The weather was really nice on Thursday, so I took everyone to Eden Park and made them work outside. I don't think anything productive happened, but it did relax them a bit.

AJ's birthday came and went. He did like the monkey man pole and suggested they strap it to the front of the tour bus. He was overruled on that one.

The next week the weather was gloomy and rainy, and so were spirits. Lyric writing was going nowhere. By Friday I decided that a drastic change was in order.

I spent most of Saturday driving around and buying as many instruments as I could. I got everything from an afuche to a toy xylophone. We already had regular instruments in the studio: guitars, basses, drum kit, piano and keyboards. I focused on more unusual instruments, as well as a tenor sax, a trumpet and a cello. I also got a theramin -- mainly just because I was surprised the store had one and I've always wanted one.

I got back just before dinner.

"So what'd you get?" Kevin asked as I walked into our apartment.

"A bunch of stuff. Come on, I need your help unloading the truck. You too, Nick."

I grabbed AJ & Howie, and then Brian and we all unloaded the truck and brought everything up to the studio.

"What's all this stuff for?" Howie asked.

"You. All of you."

"Oh Josh, you shouldn't have," Brian joked as he looked at the theramin -- probably wondering what it is.

"Maybe, but we'll see. You guys are getting so dragged down and narrowly focused on trying to write a hit song that you can't do anything. For the next week or so, don't think about it. It's play time. I got all sorts of toys to play with. We're just gonna come up here and play. If something cool happens, great. If not, well, at least we're having fun."

"I don't even know the names of half these instruments, much less how to play them," AJ said.

"Just play. See what happens," I coaxed.

"Josh, what the hell is this?" Brian asked as he was still looking at the theramin pieces.

"That's a theramin," I smiled. I really wanted to set it up and play with it myself.

"Uh, okay. How?"

"It's a toy for me, actually. I've always wanted one. Let's set it up."

"And it's an instrument? How do you play it?" Nick asked.

"Of course it's an instrument, you just don't hear it much anymore. Probably the place you would have heard one is in the beginning of The Beach Boys' 'Good Vibrations,' or it was used in a lot of '50's sci-fi movies," I answered as I set it on its stand and screwed in the antennas. "Now, just plug it into an amp...and...voila! Theramin." I placed my left hand over the volume antenna and flipped the power switch. I slowly raised my hand and the tone started in the lowest note it could hit. I moved my right hand near the pitch antenna and the pitch went up to its highest note as my hand almost touched the antenna. Almost instantly, everyone was around it trying to make it make noise.

"Hey, one at a time. You can't play it if everyone is standing next to the antennas," I said.

"Me first," Nick said and jumped next to me. "How does it work?"

"This antenna controls the volume. The closer your hand, the quieter. This antenna controls the pitch. The closer your hand, the higher the pitch," I answered and stepped back.

Nick made it squeal and swoop a bit before he was pushed out of the way by Howie.

I dragged Nick to the congas. "Set a rhythm, drummer boy," I said. I threw Kevin an afuche, Brian a tambourine, Howie some maracas, and sat down at the drum kit. We made a horrible racket for about an hour, with the guys trading off on who got the theramin. They were pumped when we quit for dinner.

"That was fun. Just what we needed. Thank you," Kevin said and gave me a kiss on the cheek as we walked back.

"You're welcome. We're gonna play all week, so you all should get to play each instrument at least once."

"So what other surprises do you have in store?"

"I'm thinkin' I'll get some sheet music of vocal pieces you wouldn't normally do. Jazz arrangements. Classical stuff."

"You're really trying to push us away from pop, huh?"

"Maybe, maybe not. Just because most pop is trite doesn't mean that it has to be."

We spent the next week playing in the studio and outside. I never even went into the control booth. When they'd get into a rut, I'd make them change instruments, or jump in myself on something.

The next week I made them focus on playing songs as a band. The songs were basic, but made them think and focus since there was no music or arrangement. They just had to play the song in the form I specified. A very funny twenty-minute version of "Mary Had A Little Lamb" was among the highlights. It was really a trick on my part to tighten them up on instruments as they were already on vocals.

Friday, January 28. The day Nick Carter left his teen years, and he didn't seem all that happy about it. Grumpy would be more like it. He'd been having his ups and downs, but was generally becoming more depressed and would sit in front of the TV when we weren't in the studio. Mornings were usually good. Evenings rarely were. He said he didn't want a birthday party, but we informed him that that was out of the question. He was turning 20 and was gonna have a party whether he wanted one or not. His family was also flying up for his birthday.

Brian and David picked Nick's family up from the airport and took them to their hotel to get settled before we all went out for a nice birthday dinner at J's. Nick seemed somewhat happy to see his family and was in better spirits for an evening than he had been. After dinner we went to Fermata for cake and ice cream with all the kids.

Nick opened all his presents, and then sat quietly as everyone else talked. After about an hour, Nick excused himself and disappeared. Nick's mother looked at Kevin. Kevin nodded. The party soon dispersed since the person we were having the party for wasn't there. Kevin and I took Nick's family back to their hotel and talked with them a bit about Nick's mental health before heading back Home.

When we got back to the apartment, Nick was sitting in front of the TV watching a movie on Sci-Fi, as expected. We sat down on the sofa beside him. He grunted an acknowledgement that we were there, but said nothing. We left him there when we went to bed an hour later.

Two weeks after Nick's birthday and his funk was getting worse. We all decided to drag him out to a club Friday night to get him interacting with someone besides our lousy faces. He was reluctant to go, but we didn't give him much choice.

"So where're we goin' first?" Nick asked as we walked through downtown.

"Have a Nice Day CafŽ," AJ smiled.

"That tacky retro club you've been frequenting?" Nick whined.

"The very one."

Nick groaned.

We turned the corner and got in line to get into the club. We could have gotten in without waiting, but we didn't want to draw any attention to who they are. We got to the doorman about 20 minutes later. AJ knew the doorman and he waved us in without checking IDs, so we didn't have any trouble getting Nick in.

The club was horribly tacky. I could see why AJ enjoyed it so much. We got our drinks and managed to find a table. "Stayin' Alive," was blaring on the sound system. Why couldn't people just let disco die? I held down the table and kept the drinks full while everyone else went out on the dance floor. Nick kept trying to sit down and drink, but someone would drag him back out to the dance floor.

We finally left around one and went to DV8. The doorman was on a break or something so we went right in. We got our drinks and went up to the second floor dance floor. It was a packed, smoky, dark, and writhing mass of flesh. By this point we were all buzzin' pretty good from the drinks. There weren't any tables, so I somewhat reluctantly joined Kevin on the dance floor. At least the music here was better. There were guys dancing with guys. Girls dancing with girls. Guys dancing with girls. Everyone dancing with everyone. It didn't seem to matter. There was no table for Nick to sit down and drink at, so he stayed on the dance floor.

About an hour later I noticed him dancing with some girl -- a big smile across his face as she ground herself against him and felt him up.

I nudged Kevin to look.

"Good," he yelled in my ear and smiled.

They started kissing and turned so I had a side view of the girl. I couldn't help but start laughing and buried my head in Kevin's shoulder.

"What?" Kevin mouthed.

"Take a closer look at Nick's girl," I yelled in his ear.

Kevin looked and then looked at me confused.

"Adam's Apple," I yelled into his ear when I noticed he didn't notice. A look of confused shock came over his face as he looked again. Nick chose that moment to pull away from the kiss and looked our way with a big silly grin on his face. Now it was Kevin's turn to bury his face in my shoulder and laugh. We walked off the dance floor and out into the hallway where we could talk.

"We should tell him," I laughed out.

"We really should," Kevin laughed back.

"Okay. You do it."

"I'm not gonna do it. You noticed first. You tell him."

"Oh god. Poor Nicky. He finally finds a girl and it turns out to be a drag queen," I said with a straight face before I started laughing again.

"This really isn't funny," Kevin said laughing just as hard.

"I know...I know..." I said trying to catch my breath.

Howie walked up to us at that point.

"You about ready to call it a night?"

"Perfect timing," Kevin said and gave me a shove.

"Why me?"

"What's going on?" Howie asked.

Kevin and I looked at each other.

"Nothing," we said at the same time and started laughing.

"We'll find AJ. You get Nick," Kevin said and quickly left with Howie in tow.

"Thanks!" I sarcastically yelled after him.

I went back out to where I'd last seen Nick. He was still there and the 'girl' was still feeling him up and kissing him as they danced. I put my hand on Nick's shoulder. His 'girl' gave me a nasty look.

"Hey, Josh," he yelled, still grinning.

"We're leaving," I yelled into his ear.

He gave me a disappointed look. "I wanna stay a little longer," he yelled back and nodded towards the 'girl.'

"We need to talk," I yelled back.

"Excuse us," I mouthed to the 'girl' and pulled Nick into the hallway.

"What's up?" Nick asked confused.

"Nice girl," I said trying to keep a straight face.

"Yea. She's so hot for me," Nick grinned.

"I'm just gonna say it," I said almost to myself. "Nick, that girl is a guy in drag."

Nick stopped smiling. "How...?"

"Adam's Apple. Sure give away."

Nick walked back onto the dance floor and searched for the girl. She was grinding up against someone else. As she turned and was in profile, he saw. His eyes got glassy. I put my arm around him and led him outside to meet the others. Nick leaned against the wall and stared at the ground.

"Who else noticed," he asked, his voice choked.

"That it was a guy? Just Kevin."

"You aren't gonna tell the guys, are you?"

"Nope."

"What's wrong with me?"

"I don't understand."

"What's wrong with me? You and Kevin have each other. Brian has David. Howie has Arna. AJ has Amy to chase after. I have no one. I finally find some girl who seems to like me without knowing who I am, and she starts dancing with some other guy as soon as I walk out of the room, and then turns out to be a guy. I just can't win," Nick said as tears rolled down his face.

I pulled him into a hug and he openly sobbed on my shoulder. The rest of the guys walked out at that moment and got quiet. I mouthed for them to go on. We'd meet them back at Home. They reluctantly left. I held Nick for another five minutes before he stopped crying and pulled back, wiping his tears away with his shirt sleeve.

"I'm such a wus," Nick said to himself.

"No you're not, Nick. Let's go home."

"What about the guys?"

"They already left. I sent them away when you were crying."

"Oh. I guess I put on quite a show for them."

"Don't worry about it. You need to stop being so hard on yourself, Nick. You're only 20. It takes time to find your soul mate, and you won't find her in a club or when you're looking. It'll just happen."

"I know."

"Then stop torturing yourself and everyone around you."

"It's not that easy. I just get so...lonely...sometimes."

"And you're not the only one -- not that that matters, but it's true. Until you do find your soul mate, realize that you have some very good friends who love you for your goofy self."

"But when I'm not being my goofy self..."

"They worry about you and know that something is wrong."

We walked the rest of the way in silence. Kevin was sitting in the living room looking concerned when we walked in.

"Everything okay?" Kevin asked.

"Yea. I'm gonna take a shower," Nick said and went straight to the bathroom.

"What's up?" Kevin asked me.

"Depressed and lonely," I answered as I sat down and gave him a kiss.

Kevin understood perfectly. We sat there holding each other until Nick got out of the shower, and then took a quick shower ourselves.

When we got out, Nick was still up and watching TV.

"Don't you think you should go to bed, Nick," I asked.

He quickly dried his eyes. He'd been crying again. "I'm not tired," he said softly.

I looked at Kevin, and then back at Nick. I turned off the TV. "Come on, Nick. You're sleeping with us tonight." He just sat there and looked at me. His eyes were red and puffy.

Kevin grabbed Nick by the arm and pulled him up. "Come on, Nick." We guided him to our bedroom and lay him down in the bed. He put up no resistance and only whimpered a bit like he was trying hard not to start crying again.

I got in bed and wrapped my arm around Nick, holding him close. Kevin got in behind me and wrapped his arm around both of us. Nick's whimpering eventually stopped and he fell asleep.

I woke up in the morning laying on my back with Nick curled up on my right with his arm around my chest and Kevin on my left holding both of us. I pulled them both a little tighter.

It hurt that I couldn't do anything to help Nick. Last night he needed someone and I don't begrudge him that at all, but I don't want him to sleep with us all the time. In hind sight, it was probably a bad idea to let him drink last night. It only made a bad situation worse. He needed to get out, though. Left to his own he would have sat in front of the TV all night like he'd done the past month. Tonight I think I'll take him to listen to jazz at Kaldi's. Different crowd. Different music. Mostly coffee, and no drag queens. I still had to smile at that. If it hadn't been for bad timing with Nick's psyche, I'm sure he would have found it funny as well.

I could have laid there all morning, but nature called. I tried not to wake Nick up as I rolled him over to get out of bed. No such luck. He opened his eyes and watched me leave. Kevin, on the other hand, could sleep through being thrown off the bed, so he, obviously, didn't even stir. When I got out of the bathroom, Nick was in the kitchen making coffee.

"Mornin', Nick."

"Mornin'."

"Feelin' any better this morning?"

"Better than last night," he said softly.

"You know, if that had happened to AJ or Howie you would have busted a gut laughing," I teased lightly.

"Probably," Nick smiled in spite of himself. "But it didn't."

"Well next time you'll know what to look for."

"Thanks for taking care of me last night, and letting me sleep with you guys."

"You're welcome. You needed it last night. Just don't make it a habit, okay?" I joked.

"Okay," Nick said sheepishly.

"Now put on some pants and let's go to the roof while the coffee is brewing."

Nick went to his bedroom and put on some sweats.

"I'm getting fat," he said as he followed me up the stairs.

"I know. That's what happens when you sit on the sofa and watch TV all the time," I prodded.

"I know," Nick sighed.

"Maybe you should start running with Brian and the kids in track in the morning," I suggested.

"I hate running."

"Well, then how do you plan to get rid of that gut?"

"I'd swim, but it's too cold here to do that yet."

"Excuse."

"Valid."

"Whatever."

"You don't give up, do you?"

"Nope. My tragic flaw."

We did our exercises and went back down to the apartment. Kevin was finally up and nursing a cup of coffee as he checked his email.

"Mornin', Vin," I said and gave him a kiss.

"Mornin'," he said and went back to reading his email.

Nick went straight to take a shower. As soon as the bathroom door shut, Kevin pushed aside his PowerBook.

"What are we going to do about Nick?" He asked.

"Take him out and keep him interacting with the world until he gets past this."

"This time, but what about when it happens again. It's just too hard to watch him bounce back and forth."

"What do you have in mind, then?"

"We're gonna take him to a psychiatrist next week whether he wants to or not."

"So you've already got an appointment set?"

"Yep. Thursday afternoon, as soon as we get back in town."

"Good. I hope it does some good," I said with a little reserve in my voice.

"But..?"

"But I'm just concerned that the doctor will put him on an anti-depressant."

"Probably. Why would that be bad?"

"If that was it, it wouldn't be. But the possibility of it being abused or growing into something else is pretty good, given the track record of pop stars."

"We'll just have to keep an eye on him."

"Okay, but can we try some other options before going the anti-depressant way?"

"Like?"

"I don't know. Acupuncture. Herbs. Dancing naked and covered in mud in the woods. Tina sees this holistic doctor that she says is pretty good. I'm just really concerned with replacing depression with addiction."

"If you have a better option we'll try it. I'm just doing the best I can," Kevin sighed.

"I know. So am I."

"I know one thing that will help," Kevin smiled and went over to the TV. He undid the cable from the back, and then from the wall and put it in the top of the hall closet. "Now he can't sit in front of the TV all the time."

"Good thinkin'."

"I have my moments."

"Mornin', Kev," Nick said as he walked into the kitchen to get some coffee.

"Mornin'."

Nick took his cup of coffee to the living room, flopped down on the sofa and turned on the TV. Nothing but blue screen. He flipped channels a bit to try to find something.

"Hey, Josh. You're cable's out."

"Okay. I'll call to have it fixed if it's not back up by Monday."

"Monday?!"

"Was there something you really wanted to watch?"

"Uh, no. Not really," Nick sighed and joined us at the table. "So what's up today?"

"Josh got that 'The Summer's Eyes Are Blue' music in yesterday. I was thinking we could learn that. Maybe do it on 'Rosie' Wednesday," Kevin said.

"Okay. Can I see the music, Josh?" Nick said with no enthusiasm.

"Only because you're so excited about it," I joked.

"Whatever. Why are we doing this piece again?"

"Because it shows we have some range in music," Kevin answered.

"I'm drawing the line if you want to do barber shop," Nick said.

"If I ever do you have my permission to beat some sense back into me," Kevin smirked.

"You can count on it," Nick said and started looking through the music. "So who's singing which part?"

"I haven't looked at it yet, so I don't know. Josh?"

"We'll probably have to make some arrangement changes," I answered.

"Do you have a recording so I can hear what it sounds like?" Nick asked.

"Sorry. Just sight read it."

"My sight reading sucks."

"You need some music theory classes," I said.

"Nope. I've done fine without them."

"Yea, but it would make it easier to learn new music and compose your own stuff."

"And put our producer out of work? Never," Nick smiled.

"He's got ya there," Kevin added.

"Oh well. What time do you want to start working on it?" I asked.

"Now's fine with me," Nick answered.

"How about noon?" Kevin said.

"Yea, okay," Nick sighed. "I'll let the rest of the guys know," he added and walked out the door.

I sat down at the piano and the guys pulled some stools around it. I played through it while they listened. A few minutes to decide the parts, and then I played through it a couple more times with them singing along.

"You really want us to do this on 'Rosie,' Kev?" Brian asked.

"Yea. Why not?"

"It's just kinda...different from what they will expect."

"And singing with Elton John at the Grammy's wasn't?" Kevin smirked.

"I think it's cool, as long as we can do it well. I don't want to suck," Howie offered.

"Well, let's get it perfect first, then you can decide whether you want to do it or not. Okay?" I said.

They all agreed.

"Okay. A couple of comments before we go through it again. This is a jazz arrangement. Pure tones. No vibrato. No whining in your voice. We'll take this note by note. The harmonies and intonation have to be dead on. No words. 'Ah' through the phrase and end on 'Oo.' Got it?" I said. We went through it again, note by note, making corrections on the way. After that they ran it a few times without piano to keep them on pitch. We added the words and ran it a few more times acapella, as it should be, and then took a short break. After the break we worked on rhythm, phrasing and dynamics. By the time we quit at five, it sounded pretty darn good. I made a quick recording of it so they could hear it.

Smiles all around.

"Damn, we're good," AJ said.

"Oh yea. It only took you five hours to learn a three minute song," I teased.

"But it sounds good now," Howie said.

"And it was a bit out of our style," Kevin said.

"And not that easy," Nick added.

I made a face at them. "Just be glad I didn't give you any Nystedt," I laughed.

"Which is?" Kevin asked.

"It's all choral music, so you couldn't do it unless we did dozens of over-dubs. Really cool 20th century religious choral music. Cluster chords. Chants. Odd suspended chords. I wouldn't even try it with you."

"Is that a challenge?" AJ hinted.

"Nope. Like I said, it's choral, as in full choir. Five guys can't do it. There's one piece I really like called, "Praise to God," that has, oh, I think it's about 20 different parts. Maybe a few more. Really fun," I smiled.

"How do you know about it?" Brian asked.

"In university. One of the conducting students was doing her thesis on Nystedt and we got to sing a couple of his pieces. I have a recording of it someplace, if you want to hear it."

We left for Kaldi's at a little past eight. The jazz trio that played there every Saturday night started at nine. We got the last available booth. Kevin and I on one side. Nick and Howie on the other, and AJ in a chair at the end. Brian stayed at Home with David. AJ and Howie were planning on cutting out early to go to hit the clubs.

"Don't you ever get tired of the clubs?" I asked AJ.

"Not really."

"Hey, Josh," our waitress said.

I looked up to see who was calling my name. It was Melissa, or 'just Mel.' She was the little sister of Anna from Rhythmwright, and the artist who did the sculpture I gave Kevin's mom for Christmas.

"Hey, Mel. How're ya doin'? Workin' here as well?"

"Yea. I had connections," she smiled. She was an attractive girl. Slim. Tom-boyish. Short spiky hair which was currently bright red. Perfect sized breasts. A warm smile and gray-blue eyes.

"How's the art going?"

"Pretty good. I've got an opening at Semantic next Friday."

"And you're working here instead of revising?" I said in mock shock.

She playfully slapped me on the head. "I'm not that bad. Besides, it's all sculpture. You can only weld and re-weld so much before you only have a blob of melted metal."

"Ah... You've got a couple of blobs of melted metal, huh?"

"Yea, yea, yea. Who're your friends?" Mel asked.

"Oh, sorry. Mel. This is Kevin, AJ, Howie, and Nick," I pointed around the table. When I got to Nick I noticed that he noticed Mel. Well, more than noticed. He was smiling like a goof-ball and staring at her.

They exchanged greetings and then Mel took our order and left. Nick continued to watch her.

"Nick!" I said and waved my hand in front of his face. "Put your tongue back in your mouth."

He turned back in his seat. "She is a she, right?" He asked.

"100%"

"Do you know if she has a boyfriend?"

"She didn't when I talked with her before Christmas."

"She's not a lesbian, is she?" Nick whispered.

"Not that I know of."

"How old is she?"

"Um, I think she's 20."

Nick just smiled and sat back in his seat.

"Nick's got a cru-ush. Nick's got a cru-ush," Howie teased quietly.

Mel brought our coffee a few minutes later. "I'll stop by and we can chat more when I take my break," she said to me.

"We'll be here."

The music soon started and we sat there listening to it, talking occasionally and drinking coffee. AJ and Howie left after about a half-hour. Around ten, Mel came over and dropped down into the booth next to Nick.

"Finally, a break," she sighed.

Nick jumped when she sat down.

"Relax, jumpy. Uh, Nick, right?" Mel said with her hand on his arm.

"Uh...yea..." Nick stuttered.

Mel smiled at him and turned her attention to me and Kevin.

"So, you got a cute one this time, Josh," she said and Kevin blushed.

"Yea, I think so."

"The cute one's are always gay. Are you gay?" Mel asked Nick.

"No," Nick said a bit forcefully.

"Okay, I believe you," Mel chuckled and touched his arm again.

It was cute to watch. She was obviously interested in him and he was obviously interested in her. She was a bit more subtle about it than Nick, though.

We talked about what we'd been doing and other stuff for a while. I left out the identity of the guys on purpose.

"So what do you do, Nick," Mel asked.

"Uh, I'm a performer."

"An actor?"

"Something like that. Singing, mostly."

"Really? Is Josh recording you? Where do you perform?"

I could see that Nick didn't want to lie to her, but he didn't want to tell her he was part of Backstreet Boys.

"Yea, Josh is recording me. I usually perform out of town."

"Oh. So no chance of hearing you, huh?"

"Maybe sometime."

"Well, I've gotta get back to work. See you later?" Mel said to Nick first and then looked to me and Kevin.

"Definitely," Nick said.

"When do you work?" I asked.

"Friday through Tuesday. Eight 'till close. Gotta go," she said and went to a table that was waving for her attention.

"There you go, Nick. Now you know when she works," I smiled.

"You think she likes me?"

"Are you kidding?" Kevin laughed. "She practically ignored me."

Nick just smiled.

We stayed for another hour and then went Home. Mel waved good bye to us as we walked out the door. Nick would have been floating on the walk back Home if he hadn't been bouncing all over the place like a hyper love sick puppy. It really was cute, if not slightly annoying. It was good to see Nick happy again.

When we got Home, Nick ran up the stairs ahead of us and practically ran into Pedro, who was coming down the stairs.

"Hey, Squirt," Nick said and ruffled Pedro's hair. "Up for a game of Quake?"

"Uh, yea. Sure," Pedro stuttered, probably confused by this bubbly person who looked like Nick.

"Race ya!" Nick said and tore back down the stairs with Pedro close behind. We could hear them coming and stood to the side to not be trampled.

Kevin laughed. "We should have taken him to Kaldi's sooner."

"Absolutely. If I'd have know it would be this easy... Hey, ya know what?"

"What?"

"It appears that our apartment is all ours for a while."

"Race ya!" Kevin said and ran up the rest of the stairs.

I walked the rest of the way. When I got inside, Kevin was collapsed on the sofa.

"I won," he said between heavy breaths.

"Yep. I hope you aren't too exhausted to collect your prize," I said and sat down straddling his legs.

Another Saturday night and we were sitting in Kaldi's listening to jazz while Nick watched Mel and talked with her on her breaks. He'd been here every night she worked since last Saturday, and went to her gallery opening at Semantic.

Some guy, probably in his late 40's, sat down next to Nick and dropped a large envelope on the table in front of Kevin and I.

"Hello, gentlemen," he said. "Take a look in the envelope."

"This table is taken," I said.

"Doesn't matter. I won't be long. Take a look."

Kevin opened the envelope and pulled out a pile of pictures of us together. Dancing together in the club when we took Nick out. Kissing in the car. Holding hands as we walked down the street, and many others.

Kevin took a deep breath and kept his cool as he asked, "So what do you want?"

"Money, of course. I'm sure it would be...catastrophic...to your career with the Backstreet Boys if these got out. I think 20 million should be enough for the negatives to preserve your career."

"And if I refuse?"

"Well, you see, I work for this fun newspaper called The National Enquirer, who'd be very interested in publishing a whole issue on this, I'm sure. I would definitely get a big bonus for this, but I'd like to keep it between us. Save your career. Allow me to retire," he said in a very confident and condescending tone.

"And if I turn you into the police for blackmail?"

"Then it will still come out."

"Can we have some time to think about it? I need to discuss it with my bandmates and our record label to come up with that kind of money."

"Sure. I'm a reasonable man. Today is the twelfth. I'll give you 30 days to come up with the money. If not, expect your career to end on St. Patrick's Day. I'll contact you on March 13th to complete our transaction," the guy said and got up and left.

"Oh fuck. Oh fuck," Nick was saying to himself.

Kevin calmly put the pictures back in the envelope. "Let's go."

We got out of there and walked Home. I couldn't help but feel we were being watched after seeing those photos. Kevin said nothing and walked quickly, while Nick just kept mumbling to himself. When we got Home, Kevin walked straight to the gym.

Once we got inside, Kevin let loose. He beat the shit out of the punching bag and screamed obscenities. Nick just sat down and watched. I left them and went up to the studio to play piano.

I'm not sure what I felt. Anger. Fear. Confusion. I didn't bother turning on the lights. I just sat down at the piano and played until my fingers hurt. I sat there for a few minutes, and then went to find Kevin.

He was sitting on the floor of the gym with his head in his hands. I sat down behind him and wrapped my arms around him. Nick was gone.

"What am I gonna do, Josh?" Kevin said through his tears.

"What are WE gonna do," I corrected.

Nick walked in with AJ, Howie and Brian.

"I say we go beat the shit outta that guy until he can't even remember his own name," AJ said.

"Oh, that'll help," Howie said sarcastically.

"Then what's your solution," AJ shot back.

"There's only one thing we can do. Kevin has to come out," Nick said.

"Isn't that what we're trying to avoid?" AJ said.

"No. Nick's right. Kevin has to come out before the tabloids out him. It's just a matter of time before this happens again. Maybe with Brian next time," Howie reasoned.

"I'm much more careful about..." Brian started and then stopped.

"I guess I get my wish, though not the way I wanted," Kevin said bitterly.

"We're gonna have to spin-doctor the hell outta this if we still want to have a career afterward," AJ said.

"Let's work on the how's tomorrow," I said sleepily. "I'm not thinking very clearly right now, and I don't think I'm the only one."

"Yea. Let's meet on it tomorrow. Noon in our apartment," Kevin said as he stood up.

"Do you mind if I use your computer, Josh?" Nick asked as we walked into our apartment.

"Go ahead," I mumbled as Kevin and I went straight to bed.

I hardly slept at all, and I think Kevin was awake most of the time as well. I thought over everything that would be changing and what could happen -- both good and bad. Home would get a lot of international publicity, without doubt. That could be good and bad. I didn't want it to affect the kids. I didn't want to be famous and deal with those problems, but it was too late for that. I questioned whether I should have allowed BSB to come here, and whether I should have gotten involved with Kevin. All wasted thoughts at this point. They did come. They are here. We are together, and I don't want that to change. I should call Tina. She'll be able to think clearly on how to PR this.

I quietly got out of bed and went out to call Tina. I was startled that Nick was still up and on the computer -- the bluish-white glow of the monitor was the only light in the room.

"Can't sleep?" Nick said softly and looked towards me.

"No. I need to call Tina," I said, grabbed the phone and sat down on the sofa. I dialed her number and waited until the answering machine picked up, and then hung up and dialed again until she answered.

"What?" Tina said sleepily into the phone.

"Tina. It's Josh."

"Uh huh."

"Listen, I'm sorry for calling so early and waking you up, but I've got an emergency."

This perked her up a bit. "Is anyone hurt? What's wrong?"

"No, not that kind of emergency." I explained what had happened and what we decided to do, as well as my concerns about Home. She listened patiently and said she'd be over around 10. I thanked her and hung up. Nick was turned around and watching me.

"Is she coming over?" Nick asked.

"Yea. Around 10."

"What'd she say about it?"

"Just that she'd think about it and have some ideas when she got here."

"I've got some info on asshole."

"Huh?"

"Asshole, or Dick Thompson, the guy who's blackmailing us."

"So that's what you've been doing all night. What do you have?"

Nick grabbed a pile of printouts off the printer, turned on the light and sat down next to me.

"Uh, could you cover yourself?" Nick said.

"Huh? Oh," I said realizing that I hadn't put any clothes on when I left the bedroom. I pulled a pillow onto my lap and started looking through the printouts. Nick had gotten the guy's picture and bio from the tabloid's site, and then got as much info as he could about him after that. I was amazed. We had his address and phone number, credit history, and some other private records.

"How'd you get all this?" I asked.

Nick smiled. "Just have to know who to ask."

"So turnabout?"

"Is fair play. After Kevin comes out we'll have this Dick arrested and 'prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law,'" Nick smiled.

"I never knew you could be so...evil. I love it," I laughed.

"He'll learn you don't fuck with me or my family, or you'll get the wrath of Nick!"

"What's goin' on?" Kevin said as he walked into the living room.

Nick handed Kevin the printouts. Kevin looked at them and smiled for the first time since Dick sat down at our table.

"And Tina's coming over at 10. I told her what's up and she said she'll have some ideas by the time she gets here."

"You guys are great," Kevin said and leaned over the sofa and gave us each a kiss on the cheek.

"You couldn't sleep, either?" I asked.

"Nope. Is there someplace close that's open where we can eat?" Kevin asked.

"There's a Perkin's just across the river that's open 24. You hungry?"

"Yea. We can't sleep, so we may as well go have some greasy food and drink coffee. You up for it? Nick?"

"Why not. Let me put some clothes on," I said and went to get dressed.

"Yea, I'll join you," Nick said. "I think this is gonna be okay, Kev."

"How?"

"Just a feeling. I was freaked out at first, and pissed off, but...I don't know. This doesn't feel like the end. Know what I mean?"

"I guess. I should get dressed as well," Kevin said and started for the bedroom.

"At least you had the manners to put on some pants before coming out," Nick shot back.

We drove to Perkin's and had a big breakfast and drank a couple pots of coffee. We left just as the sun was coming up, wired on coffee and a bit slap-happy from stress and lack of sleep.

"I got it! I got it!" Nick yelled laughing as we pulled into the garage.

"Well?!" Kevin and I said.

Nick calmed himself, made a straight face, lost it, and then regained it. "Hi. I'm Bill Clinton, and I'm gay too!" And lost it again. "Hi. We're Blink 182, and we're gay too!" And lost it again.

Kevin and I looked at each other, wondering if Nick had gone completely insane.

"Don't' you get it?!" Nick asked.

"You're doing bad impersonations?" I ventured.

"Nooo! Geesh, you two are thick. We make fun of it. We try to get a bunch of people to do commercials where they say, 'Hi. I'm So-and-so, and I'm gay too!' Get it?"

"Who do you think we could get?" Kevin said seriously.

"Well, we could probably get everyone on Jive," Nick offered.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the abundance of caffeine, but it seemed like it could help.

"We'd have to flood MTV with it. Make it cool to say you are gay," I said.

"There's probably something terribly wrong with this idea, but I like it," Kevin smiled.

"I'll take that as a compliment," Nick smirked.

"There will probably have to be other things too," I said.

"Yea, we'll have to do interviews and talk shows and lots of appearances," Kevin said.

Nick continued doing impersonations with the tag line of everyone he could think of until we threatened to gag him.

"So how do you announce it?" I asked.

"An interview, I think. Probably Kurt at MTV first. We, absolutely, need them on our side."

"I'm gonna see if everyone else is up yet so we can get this settled before we collapse," Nick said and walked out.

"I'm gonna regret this, but we should invite MTV here and get them to do some hour-long special on 'BSB in the Studio' or something like that. Get the audience interested and acclimated to the characters, and then have the interview where you come out afterwards," I said.

"That's probably a good idea, but we aren't doing much in the studio, except playing."

"Yea, but the playing sounds pretty good. It'll show people that you can play your own instruments and all that jazz."

"Where would we have them stay? There are no free rooms and they'd probably insist on being here all the time."

"AJ & Howie can bunk up with Brian & David for the week. Brian. I haven't even really thought about Brian."

"I don't know. If he wants to come out, now is probably the best time. If not, I think that enough attention will be on us."

"Yea. I can't wait," I said sarcastically. "I'm probably going to be vilified as the horrible fagot who turned you to the dark side."

"No you won't. I'll see to that... You'll just be my Yoko Ono," Kevin smirked.

I let out a ear splitting howl, a la Yoko, as I started smacking Kevin with a pillow. Howie walked in and sat down in the chair. We settled down as we noticed someone else in the room.

"Either you two are in a better mood, or you've completely cracked," Howie smirked.

"I'm moody. He's cracked," I said pointing to Kevin.

"Uh huh," Howie said, humoring us.

"Ah!" I yelled and stumbled over to my CDs. I found the CD I was looking for, put it in, and cranked it. The song, "Moody," filled the apartment as I sang along.

Howie got up and turned down the stereo. "Have you two been drinking?"

"Just coffee," I said.

"And we haven't slept yet," Kevin said.

"And lots of coffee," I added.

"And we're a little slap-happy," Kevin continued as Nick burst through the door with AJ and Brian in tow.

"I can see that," Howie smirked.

Nick hopped over the sofa, barely making it, and landed in the seat next to us. AJ sat in the other chair and Brian brought a chair from the dining room. They all looked tired, and Brian looked like he hadn't slept, either.

Nick held up the printouts. "I found out who the asshole is. We're gonna send his ass to jail," Nick said proudly.

"Since you've been working on this all night, what have you got?" AJ asked.

"I had a great idea for commercials," Nick boasted and then explained his idea.

"That may work if we can get anyone to do it," Howie thought aloud.

"If they agree, Jive can pressure everyone on the label to do it," Kevin said.

"You haven't called Jonny yet?" Brian asked.

"No. Haven't called Jay, either. I wanna have some ideas before I inform them. Maybe they'll freak out less."

"Dream on," AJ smirked.

"Yea, I know, but don't piss on my parade."

"What about you, Brian?" Howie asked.

"I don't know, yet."

"You know they're gonna ask, so now would be the best time if you're gonna do it at all," AJ said.

"I know. I haven't decided."

We talked about the issues involved until Tina got there, and then talked another three hours with her on possible spins to put on it. We probably needed to cover more things, but we were all draggin' pretty bad by that point. I'm pretty sure we all went straight to bed. This time Kevin and I had no trouble sleeping.

I woke up around 7PM, still wrapped around Kevin. Kevin was awake and rubbing his hand along my leg.

"Sleep well?" I said softly as I kissed the back of his neck.

"Not bad. I woke up about a half-hour ago. Trying to psych myself up to call Jay and Jonny."

"How's this: You call and tell them right now, then we'll go out for dinner and have a couple bottles of wine."

"I like the last part."

"You can't have desert until you've eaten all your vegetables," I joked.

"But mom, the vegetables are gonna yell at me," Kevin whined like a little kid.

"That's what vegetables do, honey," I smirked back.

Kevin sighed. "Yea, I know. You can go take a shower. I'll call them."

"You don't want me to be here?"

"No. I need you to still be in a good mood afterwards. I'll be fine. Really."

"Good luck," I smiled and gave him a kiss before getting out of bed. I pulled on a pair of boxers and went to the bathroom. I took my time in the shower -- knowing that Kevin's conversations would be long. He was just hanging up as I walked back into the bedroom.

"So?" I asked.

"So I'm surprised, I guess. After I explained the blackmail and the amount, they agreed that the best thing to do would be to come out, but they want Brian to come out as well."

"Twenty million will do that," I smirked.

"Probably. They were still pissed that I'd been so careless to do anything in public that could be interpreted as a relationship between us."

"What'd they think about the promo ideas and the interview stuff?"

"They 'concurred' with it," Kevin said rolling his eyes.

"And?"

"And I need to take care of setting up the MTV interview stuff. They'll take care of finding people to do the commercials, as well as booking us on every damn talk show on the planet."

"Well, then it sounds good. What's the problem?"

"Nothing. I'm just not looking forward to doing the talk show circuit."

"As long as it's regular talk shows, and not the tabloid shows, I'm good with it."

"You say that now, but after you've spent thirty days in thirty different beds in thirty different cities, you'll be saying otherwise."

"Who said I was gonna be on these talk shows?" I joked.

"You have to be there, Josh," Kevin said with a slight bit of pleading in his voice.

"I know. I'll be there," I said with a smile and a kiss. "Now go take your shower so we can go eat."

Kevin went to the shower. I didn't see Nick in the living room and peeked in his room to see if he was still asleep. He was. Sprawled out on top of the covers, naked as the day he was born, and snoring slightly. I quietly closed the door and went to talk with Tina, Ryan and David.

David knew what was going on, but Ryan and Tina had no idea. I filled them in and explained that I'd probably be gone a great deal after the big announcement. I would wait until we got the schedule for MTV to tell the kids.

Kevin was just about dressed when I got back to our apartment. I called a taxi to take us to the restaurant since we intended to drink.

We got to Boca around 8:30 and stayed there until they closed at 11. We had our dinner, two deserts each, and four bottles of wine between us. When we got back I grabbed another two bottles out of the basement.

Nick was sitting on the sofa reading a Charles Bukowski book of poetry I got him for his birthday as we walked in -- we still hadn't 'fixed' the cable.

"Hi ya, Nick, good buddy," Kevin said as he flopped down on the sofa while I went to open the wine and get some glasses.

"Been drinkin' a bit?"

"Yep!"

"If I'm such a good buddy, why didn't you invite me?" Nick smirked.

"Well, ya see, it's like this. I wanted a night out with my boyfr... fiancŽ. Besides, you're too young to drink."

"And that's stopped me when?"

"Tonight!"

"Dick."

"You are what you eat."

"You're a stupid drunk, Kevin."

"Ooohh, am I? And you're just so... so... Well, you're not all that fun when you're drunk."

"Refreshments!" I announced as I sat down next to Kevin.

"Why, thank you," Kevin smiled like a goof and drained his glass. "May I have another?"

"Are you two gonna drink in front of me and not offer me any?" Nick asked.

"Yep. I only got enough for us... I hope enough."

"You two su..," Nick started and then thought better about what he was going to say. "Give me your keys, Josh."

"What's the magic word?"

"Now."

I made the sound of a wrong buzzer. "Wrong! Try again."

"Pleeeeese," Nick sighed.

"Okay," I said and threw him my keys. He quickly disappeared downstairs.

I picked up the book he'd been reading. "He's finally reading this. No TV is really working out for him."

"I'm full of good ideas."

"You're full of somethin' else, too," I smirked back and went to find a book off the bookshelf.

"Maybe you can suck it out of me later?"

"Yuck," I laughed and sat down with the book of E.E. Cummings poetry I was looking for.

"Awww. You're gonna read love poems to me," Kevin said all sappy.

"Something like that. Here's one. 'pity this busy monster,manunkind,/not.'" I started and then laughed when Kevin looked confused. "Okay, for real, now. 'one's not half two. It's two are halves of one...'"

"Let me read one. Find me a good one," Kevin said. I flipped a few more pages and handed the book to him.

if everything happens that can't be done

(and anything's righter

than books

could plan)

the stupidest teacher will almost guess

(with a run

skip

around we go yes)

there's nothing as something as one

one hasn't a why or because or although

(and buds know better

than books

don't grow)

one's anything old being everything new

(with a what

which

around we come who)

one's everyanything so

so world is a leaf so tree is a bough

(and birds sing sweeter

than books

tell how)

so here is away and so your is a my

(with a down

up

around again fly)

forever was never til now

now i love you and you love me

(and books are shuter

than books

can be)

and deep in the high that does nothing but fall

(with a shout

each

around we go all)

there's somebody calling who's we

we're anything brighter than even the sun

(we're everything greater

than books

might mean)

we're everyanything more than believe

(with a spin

leap

alive we're alive)

we're wonderful one times one

I sealed the end of the poem with a kiss.

Nick walked in carrying three bottles of wine.

"Sure you got enough, Nick?" I laughed.

"He had to get enough for me, too," Nick -- the other Nick -- said.

"Oh no! We're being invaded by Nicks," Kevin laughed.

"Hey stranger," I said as I stumbled over to Nick and gave him a hug. "What brings you out?"

"You're the one who's always busy. Anyway, I heard about the...problem."

"Oh that. Well, it's not a problem tonight. We have a plan, and a couple bottles of wine."

"Yea. Tina told me. She also said I should start designing a 500 room addition to Home to handle the flocks of kids who will show up after you go public."

"Hmm. Hadn't thought about that. Well, doesn't matter. Forty is the limit. I'll have...wow, six kids graduating in May. That's only six slots that won't open up until mid-summer at the earliest."

"Maybe you should hold auditions," Nick Carter suggested as he poured himself and Nick a glass of wine.

"Yea. Something like that," I dismissed, not wanting to think about it right now.

"So you two are doing okay?" Nick asked as he sat down in a chair with his drink.

"Peachy," Kevin smiled like a lush.

"I think of the shock of it's gone. Now it just seems like a lot of work," I said seriously.

"A lot of talking to nosey people," Kevin slurred and took another drink.

Kevin had gone through the rest of the bottle while I had been talking with Nick, and was now drunk off his ass. I looked at Nick Carter and made a motion that Kevin didn't get anymore to drink. He nodded.

I put The Cure's new album on we sat and talked as Nick nursed his single drink and Nick Carter gulped through a bottle. Kevin didn't last long and was soon slumped on my shoulder sound asleep. Nick made his exit a little while later, saying he just wanted to make sure everything was okay, but that he had to work in the morning.

Nick Carter was about to start his second bottle of wine as he realized that drinking a bottle of wine in about a half-hour on an empty stomach tends to get you drunk really quick. I laughed as he fell off the chair trying to reach for another bottle. He lay on the floor laughing at himself.

"I think you've had plenty, Nick," I said.

"Yea. So do I."

"Can you help me get Kevin to bed?"

"I'll give it a shot," Nick giggled as he crawled over to the sofa.

Somehow we managed to get Kevin to the bed without hurting him or us. Nick flopped down on the bed with him.

"Okay, Nick. I can take it from here. Thanks," I said.

He didn't move.

"Nick?" I said again and gave him a shove. Nothing. Out cold. I sighed and started undressing Kevin. It was a bit of a struggle, but I did it. I got undressed myself and started to get in bed. An evil grin crossed my face as I remembered Nick was still in the bed. I probably shouldn't have, but my thinking wasn't exactly clear. I stripped Nick naked and then squeezed between them. I snuggled back against Kevin and pulled his arm around me and I put my arm around Nick.

I was quite comfortable and started to drift off, until Nick started snuggling back into me. If I hadn't been drunk and tired, I probably would have gotten hard. Fortunately, I didn't, and he stopped after a minute. I relaxed again and was almost asleep when Nick pushed my hand down from his chest to his hard cock. I kept thinking how wrong this is, but did nothing. He slowly jacked himself using my hand. As he was doing this I just kept thinking, 'What is he thinking? Is he asleep? Drunk and horny? Experimenting?' I had to stop this, but I didn't want to make it into a melodrama. I pulled my hand back and put it back on his chest. He moved it down again. I clamped my hand around the base of his cock and didn't let it move. Nick rolled over on his back and spread out -- his arm along my chest and hand clutching my cock.

"Thought you'd be funny by stripping me, eh?" Nick whispered and gave my cock a squeeze.

"So you are awake, you fuck," I whispered back.

"Since you flopped me back after taking off my shirt. Is this freaking you out a bit?" He asked and continued rubbing my cock, which was getting hard in spite of my efforts.

"So that's your goal?"

"Well, you were hoping to freak me out."

"True enough."

"It won't work anymore."

"Yea, I can see that you've become a bit too comfortable."

"I just realized there's no reason to be weirded out about it. I know I like girls."

"It's funny you say that with your hand around my dick."

"Just proving it. I'm totally comfortable with it."

"And masturbating your friend -- your friend's fiancŽ -- proves that?"

"No. That's just to freak you out."

I could see him smiling.

"You can stop now," I said.

"Oh, sorry," Nick whispered and removed his hand and I removed mine from him.

"Since you're awake, you can go back to your own bed."

"Nope. I'm comfortable," Nick said, rolled over on his side, pressed himself back against me -- wiggling his big butt against my still hard dick just for good measure -- and pulled my arm back around him on his chest.

"You're such a freak," I whispered as I heard him giggling to himself that he may have ruffled my feathers.

"Good night, Josh."

"Good night, Freaky Nicky."

He settled down and went to sleep, as did I.

I didn't have a hangover the next morning, but I didn't feel all that well. The radio turned on at seven, and then off at 8:30. I heard a little bit of it, but didn't feel like moving. We were facing the other direction with me wrapped around Kevin and Nick wrapped around me. We all had our morning piss hard-ons. I started laughing as I thought about MTV being here and broadcasting this image.

"What's so funny?" Kevin groaned and rolled over slightly. He noticed the extra arm over me and turned further to see Nick. He groaned again and flopped back down. I started laughing again.

"What's Nick doing in our bed?" Kevin sighed.

"Bein' a freak."

"Ah. I don't want to know, then. So what's so funny?"

"I was just thinking about this picture of the three of us in bed, naked, hard, and MTV cameras rolling," I snickered.

Kevin thought a moment and then started laughing himself, and then groaned and stopped. "How many died?"

"By my count, you killed about four. Feelin' it?"

"My head feels like a crushed grape."

"Let's get you some aspirin and a couple glasses of water. Then you can go back to bed," I said and got out of bed.

"I've got calls to make, and it's already...eleven. I know I needed it last night, but don't let me do that again," Kevin said softly as he slowly sat up and held his head in his hands. He looked over at Nick, who was exposed when we pulled back the covers. He pulled the covers back up over Nick's head so there was just a large lump under the covers.

I handed Kevin his clothes and he slowly pulled them on. He went to the bathroom while I made coffee and got him some aspirin and water. I had some myself and went to the bathroom as Kevin downed as much water as he could stand.

"I should have done this last night."

"Yea, but you would have drowned. After you polished off the bottle here you passed out."

Kevin just grunted and went to get the baguettes from the hallway, running into AJ in the process.

"Hey, Kev. How're ya doin' today?" AJ said a bit too cheery for Kevin.

"Lousy."

"Man. What's up? Did you talk to Jay and Jonny? How'd they take it?"

"I'm a bit hung-over right now, so if you must speak, do it quietly."

"Sorry," AJ said in a hushed tone. "So did it go that bad?"

"No. Actually better than I could have imagined. Once they learned it would cost twenty million, they agreed with our assessment. They still yelled and screamed."

"Of course."

I sat down at the dining room table with our coffee.

"Mornin', Josh," AJ said. "You in the same state as Kev?"

"Nope. Just a slight headache. I think I got him pregnant, because he was drinking for two last night," I smiled.

Kevin chuckled and threw my piece of baguette at me.

"So what do we do now?" AJ asked.

"I'm gonna call MTV and arrange the 'in the studio' thing we talked about as well as my coming out interview. Jonny is gonna get people for the commercials and get those going and Jay is setting up interviews all over the place."

"Yeah rah," AJ said deadpan.

"Yea, I know."

"So am I correct in assuming we won't be doing anything in the studio today?" AJ asked.

"Probably not," I said. "But you could still work on stuff."

"Yea. So are you two doing anything special tonight?" AJ asked with a silly grin on his face.

Kevin and I looked confused. "No. Why?" Kevin asked.

"It's Valentine's Day," AJ said incredulously.

Kevin and I both apologized to each other at the same time for forgetting, and AJ laughed at us.

"You two are made for each other," he laughed. "Just to remind you, since you seem to be so forgetful, Howie left last night to see Arna."

"Yea, I knew that," Kevin quickly said.

"Uh, huh. Sure you did."

"Why don't you go wake Nick up," I said with a grin.

"He's still in bed? I'll fix that. He's spending too much time with you old folks," AJ said and went to Nick's room, only to not find him.

"Nick's already gone," AJ said a bit confused.

"Check our room," Kevin said.

"Huh?"

"Don't ask," I said.

AJ walked into our bedroom to find Nick still sound asleep with the covers still over his head. He grabbed the covers and quickly pulled them off the bed to reveal the naked Nick curled up in a ball, but not waking up. He walked over to the side of the bed, got real close to Nick's ear and yelled, "Nick! We're on!"

Nick flailed up, looking shell shocked as he tried to figure out what was happening. AJ was laughing.

"You suck," Nick said and threw a pillow at AJ.

"Apparently you do to. What are you doing in Kevin & Josh's bed, naked?"

"I was sleeping until your funky ass so rudely woke me," Nick stated, dismissing AJ's insinuation, and started putting on his clothes.

AJ laughed and left Nick to rejoin Kevin and I in the dining room.

"You guys didn't...?" He hinted.

"No," I stated firmly.

"Are you smoking crack? Not in this lifetime," Kevin said.

"Okay. I believe you."

"Have you seen Brian yet this morning?" Kevin asked.

"Nope. Why?"

"Because I need to talk with him. Jay and Jonny both want him to come out as well."

"So Brian's choice is being made for him. He's not gonna like that."

"Probably not."

"Want me to get him and send him up?" AJ asked.

"Thanks."

"No prob," AJ said and walked out as Nick walked in.

Nick sat down at the table with a cup of coffee and nursed it, but said nothing. I'm sure Kevin appreciated that. Brian walked in a few minutes later.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Brian asked a bit cautiously.

"Yea. Have a seat," Kevin said.

"I don't like the sound of that."

"And you won't. Both Jay and Jonny want you to come out, too."

"Why? I'm not being blackmailed. I didn't get caught," Brian yelled.

"But you could. And since the press will be asking everyone, you're gonna have to answer. Now would be the best time to just get it over with. It'll hurt you more in the long run if you say no now and get caught later," Kevin explained.

"I know, damn it! But I don't want the choice to made for me. I have so little control over everything else in my life, I'd like to at least have control over who knows who I'm sleeping with," Brian yelled and pounded on the table. Kevin cringed, though I'm not sure if it was from Brian's temper, or from his volume.

"I'm not thrilled with it either, Brian, but deal with it. Yes, I wanted to come out, but I wanted to do it on my terms. Now I'm being forced to come out. I don't like it anymore than you do, so you can bitch about how unfair it is to someone else. I already know."

Brian walked out, slamming the door behind him.

"Drama queen," Nick smirked.

"Not now, Nick," Kevin warned and stood up. "Let's take a shower," he said and grabbed my arm to pull me up.

We got in the shower and Kevin pulled me into a hug and held me tight.

"I hated having to do that," he said softly and held me even tighter.

"You didn't have much of a choice. Brian knows that."

We held each other for a few minutes, and then separated and washed. As soon as we were dressed again, Kevin sat down with his PowerBook and his phone, while Nick got in the shower.

"Kurt Loder, please... Kevin Richardson...Thanks...Hey Kurt, this is Kevin Richardson. I've got a proposition for you. Give me a call on my cell as soon as you can. You've got the number. Later."

"Voice mail?" I asked.

"Yep. So what week would be good for them to come?"

"Obviously before St. Patrick's," I smirked as I turned Kevin's PowerBook so I could see the calendar on the screen.

"Obviously."

"We don't have much time, so I guess as soon as possible."

"Yea, that's what I was thinking."

Kevin's phone started ringing.

"Here goes nothing," he said with a forced smile and answered his phone. "Hello...Oh, hey Kurt...Yea, you have a minute?...Okay. Are you alone? Out of eavesdropping distance?...Yea, I'll wait...Okay, well, how soon can you and a small crew get to Cincinnati?...We're in the studio...Yea, a BSB in the studio show...Short notice? Well, I have more than that...I'm only giving this to you, Kurt, because I know you'll treat the story with some tact and class...You're welcome...Anyway, I'll have a big announcement for the interview you'll do after the show...No, bigger...I'd rather wait 'till you get here to say...It would be best if nothing is said about this until just before airing...I know, but the replays and spin-offs will make up for it...About a week...Uh, okay, Wednesday night?...Okay, let me know what time and we'll pick you and your crew up...How many?...No, there's plenty of room to stay at the studio...Okay...See you Wednesday...Thanks, Kurt...Later," Kevin finished and hung up. "They'll be here Wednesday night with a camera man, a sound man and Kurt."

"Man, he sure dropped everything to get here quick," I said.

"They get good ratings when we're on. Kurt's a good guy, but he is a reporter. I'm actually kinda surprised it is gonna take him so long. We must be losing our touch," Kevin said with a smirk.

"Maybe you should tell him 'N SYNC will be here, too," I joked.

"No. They've already been on MTV too much lately. I'd be surprised if they haven't moved in."

"Jealous?"

"Hardly. I understand that Jive is pushing them pretty hard to pay for their legal battle with Lou. We've already fought those battles, and I don't want to relive it. I don't think they'll be able to keep it up much longer without one of them getting sick."

"Who's getting sick?" Nick asked as he rejoined us.

"'N SYNC. They've been running full steam for a while. If they don't take a break one of them is gonna get sick," Kevin explained.

"It'll probably be Lance. He collapsed once before, didn't he?" Nick said.

"Yea, I think. Anyway, Kurt is gonna be here with a crew on Wednesday night."

"Not tonight?" Nick laughed.

Kevin's phone started ringing. "Hello...Hey Kurt...8PM, Delta flight 8127. Got it...Okay, we'll be there...Later." Before he could put down the phone it started ringing again. "Hello...Hey Lance," Kevin made a face like it was extremely weird for Lance to call him since he's only said a few words to him -- ever -- and we were just talking about him. "Yea, I'm surprised...Yep, it's true...uh, huh...Well, we didn't have much of a choice...Oh yea, they knew...Uh, okay. Let me ask," Kevin looked confused and put his hand over the phone. "They have a show in Cincinnati tonight and then two days off. They want to know if they can stay with us."

"Where's their next show?" Nick asked.

"Columbus."

"And why do they want to hang with us?" Nick asked.

"I have no idea. Josh? It's your place."

"Fine with me," I shrugged.

"Yea, sure. That'd be okay," Kevin said back into the phone and got some more information on where to pick them up.

"This is gonna be an interesting week," I said to Nick.

"Uh huh. So where are we gonna put them?"

"There's five of them. Right?" I asked.

Nick nodded.

I smiled broadly. "How about we put them with the kids. One on each floor."

"Why? Were the kids bad?" Nick laughed.

"You really don't like them, do you?"

"I could care less, really. They've been nice enough on the few occasions I've talked with them. They just model themselves after us too much. It's like they're the blander, uglier Backstreet Boys," Nick smiled.

"Be nice," I warned.

"I'm always nice."

"Then go away."

"Fine. I'll read. Oh, I started reading that Bukowski book. It's pretty good. Most of his poems are about getting drunk and screwing. Ah, the poet's life."

"He was a mailman."

"Then it's best he wrote about drinking and screwing instead of delivering the mail," Nick said as he flopped down on the sofa in the living room.

"So where are we gonna put them?" Kevin asked as he hung up his phone.

"With the kids," I smiled.

"Perfect. We're gonna pick them up from the stadium. They've got seven passes waiting for us, if we want to watch the show."

"You're not expecting to take the rest of the guys, are you?" I asked.

"No way. I figured just you and me, and a kid from each floor...family"

"They'd probably enjoy that."

"We'd better warn...tell the kids," Kevin smiled.

We went family by family to tell the kids, and have them draw straws to see who got to go. They were excited. We also told the rest of the BSB guys. They weren't excited. By the time we had everything ready for this quick impromptu visit, it was time for an early dinner. The show started at seven, and we had to be there at five to pick up our passes.

We had dinner, got ready, made sure the kids were fed and ready, and out the door at 4:45 -- making sure I had enough ear-plugs for everyone.

We picked up our all access passes at the security gate and parked behind their tour bus in the secured area. Security escorted us to the green room, which was filled with food, but no people.

We no sooner sat down when JC walked in to get something to eat. He did a double-take and recognized Kevin with blonde hair.

"Kevin? Hey man," he said very friendly and walked over to shake his hand. "We really appreciate you calling and offering a place for us to stay on our off days."

"Uh, yea, sure. No problem," Kevin said and gave me a confused look.

"So I heard about the tabloid guy and all. I never would have figured you were gay, but hey," he shrugged his shoulders. "So you're really gonna come out?" JC said as he went back to filling his plate.

"That's the plan."

"That's really brave," JC said as he sat down and took a bite from his sandwich. "Sorry, I haven't eaten since breakfast. I'm JC," he said and put down his sandwich to shake my hand.

"Josh," I said shaking his hand.

"Yea, but I prefer JC."

"No. My name is Josh."

"Doh! Sorry," he said and continued to shovel food into his mouth.

"...he's probably with the food," Justin said as he walked in. "Yep. I knew you'd find where the food was," Justin said to JC as he started filling his plate.

Lance, Chris and Joey were right behind him.

"Hey guys. Kevin's here," JC said with a mouth full of food and pointed to Kevin.

They grunted hellos and continued the food attack.

"We'll be better once we've eaten," JC explained and went back to his food.

They sat and inhaled their food while Kevin and I had a private conversation about who called and invited who, and the kids stared.

It wasn't long before they were fed and becoming human again.

"So, man, when Lance told us you called and invited us to hang with you guys, I was really surprised. That's really cool," Justin said.

Lance gave Kevin a pleading look to play along. He had very expressive eyes.

"You're welcome," was all Kevin said.

"But about this gay thing. You know, I'm cool with you being gay and all, but how is doing a commercial where we say we're gay gonna do anyone any good?" Chris said.

"Maybe it won't, but it seemed like a good idea. If it goes the way we want, no one will really believe anyone who says they're gay is really gay, unless, of course, they are. This is my fiancŽ, by the way. Joshua."

I shook hands with each of them that I hadn't before.

"Do you know who the kids are?" JC whispered to Kevin.

"Actually, I do. These are Josh's kids. Soon to be mine as well. You may want to be nice to them 'cause they're giving up their beds for you," Kevin said with a bit of teasing in his voice, and then introduced the kids.

That let loose the floodgates and the kids were upon them.

"You just invited us because you wanted a babysitter, didn't you?" JC said to us as he got free.

"Hardly. You couldn't handle all our kids," Kevin laughed.

"Just how many more kids do you have?"

"At Home, forty," I smiled.

"You'll have to explain sometime how a gay man has 40 kids."

"It's simple. I'll fill you in later," I said.

The stage manager poked her head in and told the guys to get dressed. They left soon after, leaving us alone.

"Let's go take our seats. I don't feel like talking to all the acts," Kevin said.

We made our way out to the VIP area and sat down. The stadium was starting to fill up. I passed out the ear-plugs, knowing they probably wouldn't use them.

Soon enough, the opening acts started and I put in my ear-plugs. I hate stadium sound. Kevin and I were probably the only two people in the stadium who were sitting down through the entire performance. It came and went. I could hear they were good singers and okay performers, but they only had a few good songs. The rest stunk.

We waited for the stadium to clear and enough time for them to do their meet & greet before we got up and made our way backstage. We waited some more while they showered and gathered their stuff. It was just about midnight before we got Home. We showed them to their rooms and told them to come to the left-hand apartment on the top floor tomorrow for breakfast around eight.

Nick was gone when we walked into our apartment. Probably at Kaldi's. I made us some Sleepytime tea while Kevin 'fixed' the cable so we could watch a movie and relax.

We were just about to go bed when we heard a knock on the door. I opened it to find Lance.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"Uh, no. Can I talk to you guys?" Lance asked.

"We were just about to go to bed," Kevin said.

"Oh, sorry. I guess it can wait," Lance said disappointed and started to walk away.

"But it doesn't have to. Come on in," I said, having a pretty good idea what he was going to say.

Kevin gave me an annoyed look and sat down on the sofa. Lance came in and sat in a chair. I sat down next to Kevin. Nothing was said for a minute or so.

"So?" Kevin said impatiently.

"Oh, sorry..." Lance looked down and then took a deep breath and looked at us. "I'm gay."

"Congratulations. So are we," Kevin said annoyed.

"I said it," Lance said almost to himself. "You're the first people I've told."

"So this is why you lied to your bandmates and put me on the spot? So you could tell me you're gay?"

"Yea. Sorry about that. After I heard about you, and what was happening, I just had to talk with you. I knew you'd understand -- being in the same business and category. And since we were here..."

"And what do you want me to say?" Kevin asked.

"I don't know. I guess I just want to know how you did it. Like, how did you tell your mom? Does she even know?"

"Yea, she knows. I told her not long after my father died. She said she already suspected and that was that. Anything else?" Kevin said impatiently.

"Excuse us a minute," I said to Lance and pulled Kevin into the bedroom.

"Why are you being such a dick?" I asked Kevin once the door was shut.

"Because I'm tired and I don't want to deal with Lance's homosexual crisis. I've got my own crises to deal with."

"That's no reason to be nasty. Whether you like it or not, you're about to become a role model for gay kids."

"I don't like it. I'm human, too. I don't want to be anyone's role model."

"Then get out of the business you're in and go hide in a cave. You're a good guy, when you're not being such a prick. Coming out, for whatever the reason, is gonna make you a role model for a bunch of gay kids."

"So what do you want me to do with Lance? Invite him into our bed?"

"No. I want us to talk with him with the same respect as we did to Brian."

"Brian is my cousin and band-mate. I've hardly said ten words to Lance until he called this afternoon."

"So that makes it okay to be rude, even though you know how hard it was for him to tell us what he just did?"

"It wasn't hard for him to tell us. He hardly knows us, so he has nothing to lose."

"This is a first step. Now let's go talk nice. Maybe it'll give him the courage to take the next step. It'll also be good for us in preparation for all the interviews."

Kevin sighed. "Fine."

We rejoined Lance in the living room.

"Uh, listen. I'm sorry if this is bad timing..." Lance started.

"Don't worry about it. Things are just happening really fast and we're under a lot of pressure right now," I said.

"Sorry for being rude, Lance. Like Josh said, we're under a lot of pressure right now."

"No, I'm sorry. I should have realized. I'll leave you alone," Lance said and started to get up.

"So we're all sorry, now sit back down," Kevin said.

"You sure?" Lance asked.

"Yes."

Lance gave a somewhat nervous smile and sat back down.

"So how did you tell the guys in Backstreet?" Lance asked.

"No one in 'N SYNC knows?" Kevin asked.

Lance shook his head.

"I was dating a guy when we all met, so it was there from the start. Well, almost. Brian didn't know until he joined the group. He had some religious problems with it, but not with me. You should tell your bandmates."

"I know, but I'm afraid of their reactions."

"You really don't think they'd break up the group just because of who you fall in love with, do you?"

"No, but it might make things uncomfortable."

"And you're not uncomfortable right now?"

"Yea, but it's just me, not everyone. If I tell them it also might get back to my mom."

"So just tell her."

"You don't understand. My mom is very religious and very controlling. I love her, but she's always trying to run my life. If I told her she'd freak out and have me committed to one of those queer conversion hospitals."

"Are you happy with your life right now?" I asked Lance.

"Most of it."

"What part aren't you happy with?"

"This part. My lack of a love life."

"Then take steps to fix it, or be happy being alone."

"You make it sound easy," Lance laughed nervously.

"It's not, but it's worth it," I said and gave Kevin's hand a squeeze.

"So how did you two meet?"

We told him the story of how we met and how the relationship progressed, starting with what Home was. Around 2AM, Nick walked in.

"Hey guys. You're still up. Oh, hey Lance," Nick said.

Lance started looking nervous again.

"Yea, we're still up. Just talking with Lance," Kevin said.

"So whatcha talkin' about?" Nick said as he flopped down on the sofa next to Kevin and I. "No wait. Don't tell me. You're gay. Right?"

Lance just about had a heart attack.

"So? I'm right, aren't I?" Nick said.

Lance looked to Kevin and I for support, and then at Nick. "Yes. I'm gay."

"I knew it. So you're still in the closet... Oh, Mel and I have a date Thursday night," Nick said happily to Kevin and I.

"You're gay, too?" Lance asked Nick.

"Huh? Oh, no. Melissa. Mel for short," Nick answered.

"Oh."

"MTV is gonna be here then," Kevin said.

"I know, but I can sneak away for a few hours."

"Does she know who you are yet?" I asked.

"Yea. I told her after she agreed to the date."

"And?"

"She was surprised, but seemed cool with it. She's not a fan, so that's good."

"So you're cool with Kevin being gay?" Lance asked Nick.

"Yea, of course. He gives better head than the straight guys," Nick smirked and got slapped on the back of the head by Kevin.

"I'm just kidding, Lance. I've never had sex with these two. Yea, I'm cool with it. Kev's a good guy when he's not being an ass," Nick said and ducked just in case.

We talked for another half-hour before we sent Lance back down to fourth so we could get some sleep. He thanked all of us with a hug and left with a smile on his face.

"That wasn't so bad now, was it?" I asked Kevin.

"Shut up," Kevin said with a grin and got in bed.

"That's what I thought," I said smugly and snuggled behind him.

The alarm went off at five. A half-hour later I sleepily crawled out of bed and put on some clothes. After making sure all the kids were up and off to school, I went back to my apartment to get Nick, who was barely awake and waiting in the hallway. It was raining, so we went over to the gym to do our T'ai Chi.

When we got back, Kevin was up, had coffee made, and had gone to the bakery to get a couple dozen croissants, some more baguettes and some fruit for breakfast for everyone. I was impressed. I expected to have to be pulling him out of bed around noon.

The 'N SYNC guys arrive en mass at exactly eight, and the other BSB guys straggled in soon after. Not much was said until after the coffee started to take effect. After they started talking, I explained Home and how it was I had 40+ kids. The conversation got easier as they shared on-the-road experiences. Lance was much more talkative than he had been before our talk last night. I think he was more talkative than he usually was, because everyone seemed to notice it. It was around noon before we split so everyone could take a shower and get cleaned up.

We reconvened at two and went over to the studio. The BSB guys started their jamming that they'd been playing with, while the 'N SYNC guys joined in on some of the percussion instruments and the theramin. None of them could play a real instrument well enough to keep up. It was fun. Then they had a vocal duel between the groups. Just a little friendly competition. I'd call out a song and they would have to sing it in five part harmony on the spot. BSB was much better at this because we'd been working on improvisation. We quit at five and turned the 'N SYNC guys back to the kids for dinner.

We got together again at nine in my apartment. Brian, as usual, stayed with David. Outside of work, Brian hardly ever joined in anything anymore. He was quite content to spend all his time with David and the kids.

AJ and Howie took Chris and Joey out clubbin' -- probably not too good for a Tuesday night. Nick split for Kaldi's, taking JC with him. Lance and Justin stayed with me and Kevin. I put on some music and we played euchre. Kevin and I were kicking their butt.

Without warning, Lance said, "Justin, I'm gay."

"Practicing for the commercial?" Justin asked.

"No. I'm gay."

Justin's brow furrowed, but he said nothing.

"Aren't you gonna say anything?" Lance asked after a minute of silence.

"What's there to say?"

Silence. Kevin and I were a bit uncomfortable witnessing this moment, but I really wanted to see how it worked out, and maybe cheer Lance on a bit, if necessary.

"So are you gonna come out, like Kevin?" Justin asked.

"I don't know. You think I should?"

"I don't know."

"Are you okay with it?" Lance asked hesitantly.

"Yea, I guess. If guys get you off, it's none of my business."

"It's not just about getting off," Lance said.

"Sorry, poor choice of words. It doesn't matter to me who you're in love with, unless...It's not anyone in the group, is it?"

"No, of course not. That'd be like...incest," Lance laughed.

Justin smiled. "You are from Mississippi..."

"And you're from Tennessee, where they keep it in the family," Lance shot back.

"Have you told your family? Or anyone else?" Justin said seriously.

"Just Kevin and Josh, and you, of course. Oh, Nick knows, as well."

"Are you gonna tell the rest of the guys?"

"Yea. When I work up the courage."

"So why'd you tell me first?"

Lance looked embarrassed.

"What?" Justin prodded.

"You'll think it's stupid."

"No more than anything else you say," Justin grinned.

"There are these stories on the internet with us. You're always the gay one and usually dating Brian. I know none of that's true, but it made me more comfortable with telling you first."

"There are stories about me and Brian on the 'net?" Justin asked.

"Tons. You, JC and I are the masturbation fantasy of a bunch of gay guys."

"That's too weird."

"Now that we've had this little coming out party, will you deal the damn cards," Kevin said to Lance with a grin.

We played for another two hours before calling it quits. The conversation was relaxed, and Justin kept naming guys they knew and asking Lance if he thought they were cute. I think it was an attempt to embarrass him, and it worked because Lance was mostly red-faced.

Kevin and I finally got to bed at a decent hour and went right to sleep.

I woke up at six with the radio and got dressed. Nick was waiting and we went up to the roof.

"What do the kids think about MTV being here?" Nick asked as we were coming back down.

"Shit."

"What?"

"I forgot to tell them."

"They're gonna be here tonight."

"I know. I'll have to do it when they get home from school. Damn."

"Alzheimer's is a bitch," Nick joked.

"Blow me," I shot back.

"Won't Kevin be upset?"

"Not if you did him, too."

"Okay, we've taken this too far. I surrender," Nick laughed.

Kevin was just getting back from the bakery when we got back downstairs. I made some coffee and everyone started arriving soon after. Breakfast lasted 'till noon again, but the conversation was easier now that everyone had gotten to know each other and they had some common experiences. 'N SYNC's bus arrived at 1:30 and they were soon gone. The kids would be getting home any minute.

"How is this MTV thing gonna work, and when are we gonna tell Kurt?" I asked Kevin after 'N SYNC left. We were sitting in the art studio waiting for the kids.

"I think we should tell him tonight and let him decide on the best way to tell the story. We won't start filming 'till tomorrow."

"Let's take him and the crew out for dinner."

"Where do you think?"

"It'd have to be someplace where we can talk without being disturbed. How about York Street? We could reserve the center room."

"That's the place in Newport?"

"Yea. The place with the eclectic decorations."

"Oh, okay. Yea, that'd be a good place. The kids are home," Kevin said looking out the window.

I'd left a note for everyone to come to the art studio for a meeting right away. They were slowly rolling in and asking what it was about. I made them wait until everyone was there. Once everyone arrived, I explained what was happening -- including the blackmail and what we were doing. I explained how MTV was going to be here for a week and that they should stay out of their way and go about their lives as usual. Kevin explained that they'd probably all be on MTV when it aired, and their lives would change. They should be cautious about people they didn't know suddenly wanting to be their friends, and the whole spiel that goes with fame. I hope we didn't scare them, but I wanted them to be prepared. As it turned out, I think they were too excited about being on MTV to be scared.

When we were done the kids scrambled to clean up. I called York Street and reserved the center room for 9PM. We helped AJ and Howie drag their stuff down to David & Brian's, and clean up the apartment. We had a light snack to tide us over 'till dinner, and waited. And waited.

At 6:30 we couldn't stand sitting around and waiting anymore, so Kevin and I headed for the airport -- taking the long way by driving north to 475 and then all the way around to the airport. We got to the airport at about a quarter 'till eight. Oddly, their plane was fifteen minutes early. How often does that happen? We found Kurt and his two production people pulling their gear from the luggage carousel.

"Hey, Kurt," Kevin said somewhat softly, so as to not draw attention to us.

Kurt looked up and around, and then saw us. "Hi, Kevin. We've just got one more bag and we'll be ready. I'm really anxious to know what this big news is."

"In due time. Kurt, this is Josh, our producer for the album we're working on."

"Ah, the kiss man. Nice to meet you," Kurt said with a quick handshake, but mostly paying attention to the luggage carousel.

"I hope you didn't fill up on airline food," Kevin said.

"No meal, actually. Dinner would be great."

The last bag was grabbed and we headed out for the car. Kurt introduced the production people. Lars, the camera man. Mindy, the sound and lighting woman. We loaded up all their equipment and drove Home to unload and pick up the rest of the guys.

"This place is huge. How many studios do you have here?" Mindy asked as we pulled up to the front door to unload.

"None. This is Home. The studio is in the building on the other side of the block. Just one," I answered, a bit amused.

"Okay. I want details," Kurt said.

"Keep your pants on. You'll get them," Kevin chided with a laugh.

We put everything in the elevator and took it to the top floor and unloaded. The crew started getting out their equipment.

"Not tonight. That can start tomorrow," Kevin said.

They looked to Kurt for approval, and then left the equipment in the cases.

The rest of the BSB guys and David joined us and we headed out to the car.

"Is there any place close to get something to eat?" Lars asked.

"Why? Aren't you eating with us?" I asked.

"Yea, sure," he answered.

I think he was used to being the crew separate from the talent and going out on their own. Anyway, they were going to join us. Brownie points on our part. We all squeezed into one truck and went to York Street.

It was pretty dead. Although we were a little early, we didn't have to wait for our room. We placed our orders and got our drinks before Kurt started chomping at the bit again.

"Now what's up?" Kurt asked.

Kevin gave me a look, and then took my hand in his. "Kurt, I'd like you to meet my fiancŽ, Josh."

Kurt's face was... Well, what ran through my mind was the MasterCard commercials. Gas for truck to carry ten people to dinner: $8. Dinner and drinks for ten: $300. Look on Kurt Loder's face when Kevin announces his fiancŽ is a man: priceless. Truly. I had to fight not to start laughing. He soon recovered, however, and took a drink of his beer.

"So this is your big news?"

"Do you need something bigger?"

"Can you top that?"

"This is my finance," Brian announced from the other end of the table, holding up David's hand.

I think Kurt had a heart attack. I couldn't hold it back anymore and started laughing.

"This is like... This is... Oh, man. This is gonna cause a serious quake in the world of boy-bands," Kurt stuttered.

"We know. That's why you're here," Howie said.

"Why are you coming out?" Kurt asked.

"Typical story. Blackmail. It's better this way than played out in the tabloids," Kevin answered.

"So... Wow... Give me a minute to think about this," Kurt said.

"We should have brought the camera just to capture the look on Kurt's face," Lars laughed.

Kurt made a face at him and then turned back to Kevin and I. "So what did you have in mind with this story?"

"An hour long show where you go into our work in the studio, Home, Josh. Everything. Get people interested in the characters so when we have the interview afterwards where we come out people will know who our boyfriend's are, and not just some nameless gay guys."

"Your fans can be a bit...obsessive. Aren't you afraid of security issues?"

"We have security at Home right now, and that'll be doubled or tripled once the story airs. We'd also prefer if you not say where Home is. People can probably still find out, but it'll take some work on their part."

"I take it Jive knows you're doing this?"

"Absolutely."

"And they approve?"

"As opposed to paying the amount of money the blackmailer was trying to get, without hesitation."

"So what exactly is Home?"

I fielded this question.

"Why did you choose to adopt these kids instead of doing foster care?" Kurt asked after I finished.

"A couple reasons, actually. First of all, if I just became an approved foster care facility, then I'd have to take whoever the state gave me and be bound by their rules. As I explained, Home runs a bit differently. I, for lack of a better term, interview the kid before I accept him. I'm not set up to deal with kids with extreme behavioral problems, so I don't take them. I also adopt the kids because it gives a sense of permanence. Once you are part of Home, it your Home forever. It's not a foster care bounce-in bounce-out. It's a security thing."

"And your employees?"

"I don't really refer to them as employees, but they're there to help me. I realized that I couldn't run everything myself and still have any time for the kids or myself."

Our waitress brought our food and refreshed our drinks.

"Okay. How did you hook up with Backstreet?"

Kevin answered this question.

"Would it be okay if we interviewed some of the kids?"

"Yes," I answered.

"Good. Now what's the story here?" Kurt asked Brian & David.

Brian went into great detail explaining his courtship with David. David would add a few things here and there -- finishing some of Brian's sentences. They seemed like an old married couple.

"Anyone else gay?" Kurt asked as Brian finished his history.

"Nope. The rest of us are straight," AJ said.

We finished our meal and had desert and coffee. The conversation was casual and mostly about the music biz. Occasionally Kurt would ask a question about Kevin & I, or Brian & David, but for the most part I think he was digesting the information and thinking of ways to present it.

When we got back we gave them the full tour of Home, minus the families because the kids were in bed, and left them in their apartment around half-past midnight, agreeing to meet for breakfast at eight.

The alarm went off at six and I stumbled out of bed for the morning routine. Nick and I were about to head up to the roof when someone knocked at the door. I opened it to find Lars and Mindy.

"Good. You're awake. Mind if we set up to film breakfast?" Lars asked.

"Good morning to you, too," I said.

"Sorry. Good morning. Mind if we..."

"Go ahead," I said cutting him off and headed for the roof.

I was about half-way through my routine when I noticed Lars in the corner with the camera on us. I closed my eyes and continued, ignoring him. I'd have to get used to this the next week.

We finished and headed downstairs. I made some coffee and collected the bakery bag from the hall -- we'd planned for extra this time. Nick hopped in the shower. Lars and Mindy ate breakfast so they could film while everyone else was eating. Kevin joined us a few minutes later, and Kurt arrived a few minutes before eight. AJ, Howie and Brian arrived a few minutes after eight.

"Okay. Lars is just going to shoot everything he can and we'll edit it down from there. Just ignore him, if you can," Kurt said.

And so it started. Kurt went from general questions to heavier specific questions. We did the 'big' interview in our apartment on Saturday with a lot of the kids around the living room. Kurt saw another story and got our permission to call in Serena to do a story just on the kids at Home. The camera was on us almost all the time the whole week they were there, and then again when Serena showed up with her production crew. I was glad when they were gone and things could get back to normal -- at least until the story aired.

All the editing was done and we flew out to NYC to view the final before it aired. It was nicely done and we were all pretty happy with it. It aired the two days later, February 29th. The teasers for it were on almost the entire day. We realized that this would bring out our blackmailer, so we informed the police and had them put a tap on our phone lines to catch the asshole when he called. We were at Fermata with: all the kids, James, Adam, Nick, Susan, Ann, Brian's folks, Nick's folks, AJ's folks, Howie's folks, 'N SYNC, and other acts from Jive, Jive's management, Elton John (which surprised me), Mel, Arna, and a few other friends and professional contacts when the show aired. MTV and Kurt were there with a live uplink for reactions and more interview stuff after the shows aired. We surrounded ourselves with friends and loved ones. The next day we were on a plane to NYC to start the damage control.

Epilogue

That was twenty years ago. What's happened since? Well, lots, actually.

After the initial shock of Kevin and Brian being gay was over, the net effect was that they lost a few fans and gained a bunch. We did hundreds of interviews and appearances around the world. I think people got over it just because they were sick of seeing our faces everywhere and that damn tag line that Nick thought up.

The album was finally released in September, titled "Home." We did most of the writing for it on the road. At first people weren't quite sure what to make of it. The critics and many other musicians liked it, but their fans were confused. It was BSB, though, so it went multi-platinum. You can still hear some songs from it played on the oldies station occasionally. I only assisted with their next two albums, at my insistence.

Brian & David did get married three years later and bought Home from me. I'd already planned to try to create a new Home to help with the number of kids who wanted to get in after the story about Home aired on MTV, so it worked out great. This was around the same time they decided to end BSB. They were still popular, but they wanted to get out while on top and do other things. Brian is still a big softie and completely devoted to David and the kids. It takes a great deal of effort to get Brian to go anywhere without at least a couple kids.

James came back after university and became the manager of Fermata, which is still owned by all of us. It's changed with the times and still does well enough to justify keeping the doors open. He's not married, but he has been living with the same woman for about eight years and helps Brian & David with Home.

Pedro went to university, and then became a VJ for MTV. He's now a producer there.

AJ opened his own club in Orlando. He has been married twice and has two kids with his second, and current, wife.

Howie went back to school after the band broke up and is now a director for music videos. He and Arna never married, but lived together for a few years in NYC. Eventually they parted ways, but are still close friends.

Nick did a solo album that really didn't go anywhere, and then got out of the music business. He now writes the background music for video games and sketches the characters for a video game company he helped start. He has a home on Captiva island, and an art gallery on the main land. He married a computer programmer and they have three girls. They're currently trying to adopt a boy.

Kevin and I are still together. After we sold Home to Brian & David, we went on a search for a place for Home II. We decided on a large farm, complete with lake, about an hour south of Columbus. After we built the living quarters, our kids joined us and Brian & David opened the doors for their own kids. We have a summer camp program, that accepts all boys, to help pay for everything. We reduced the size of the families to five in each and only have four families now.

I have a studio on the farm. Occasionally I'll engineer and produce something for some small name bands; okay, I did produce a few large name bands that I really wanted to work with, but I could pick and choose. Of these bands, the Red Hot Chili Peppers were the most fun. They really got off on the whole atmosphere of Home II and all the kids. I felt sure that Flea would try to move in. I mostly rent the studio out to record labels to use, however. It's set apart from the rest of the buildings and has it's own living quarters. I keep busy with the kids, and taking care of the farm. I've written a few novels, but only one has been published. It sold okay, but not a bestseller.

My parents refused to talk to me after Kevin and I got married -- which didn't happen until the next year because of the promo tours -- and the media exposure. My mother died a few years after Kevin and I were married from lung cancer. My father has become nastier in his old age, but Julia is still with him and I talk her occasionally. She's almost deaf, so that probably helps. Adam did go to university and is a computer programmer with Nick's game company.

Kevin continues to do some modeling, but not as much as when he was younger and had a full head of hair. He's not bald now, but it is receding quite a bit and would be all gray if he didn't dye it black. I'm still working to convince him to just let it go natural. After BSB broke up, he tried his hand at acting, but it took a few years before anything beyond cameos and bit parts came along. He has never got a lead part, but has played some decent supporting roles. He just finished a movie with Leo DiCaprio and a bunch of other old farts.

Kevin's mom had a stroke about ten years ago, and we insisted she move in with us. The farm and the kids were good for her. She died two years ago.

We still talk to all the guys regularly, and all our kids. Every July we have a two week long reunion at our place -- basically because we have the room for it. There ends up being lots of tents around the lake, though. Two weeks gives everyone enough time to visit when they can.

Kevin and I have both decided that after the current group of kids leave, we won't add anymore. Between kids and adults and grandchildren, our family reunions now have about 400 people. We're getting too old. We're not sure what we're going to do about Home II. We could easily sell it, but we're not sure if we want to do that or not. There's just too many memories here.

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