Wow. That took me a long long time now didn't it? Sorry but I live on the road right now so there are times when I don't have internet, or a cell phone signal, or electricity. Or none of the above (and I never have running water.)
Right now I have all of that and I'm not staying in a tent but I have four sturdy walls around me!!! Life is luxury! I'm excited! I think I'm going to make myself a coffee (with my electric coffee maker and water that comes from the sink that's just five seconds away (as opposed to five minutes) and after that has stirred my tummy up I might take a dump in my (private, not shared by anybody but me and my roommate, FLUSHABLE!!!! Porcelain toilet!!! That is right next to my shower (which is indoors and has warm water!!!) I'm so happy! claps hands
Questions and comments are welcome and in times of writer's lack of motivation (I don't even pretend its block, I know I'm a slacker) very helpful (thanks to everybody that wrote me, it made me happy to know that somebody was reading (and enjoying) this. Even if you don't like it, drop me a line and let me know what's wrong with it.
Disclaimer: I wrote this, don't copy it unless you ask. This is fiction. Ifthere are people who are similar to people in the story or have the samename, I didn't intend it. Beware, teen sex, gay sex! Don't like that don'tenter, you have been warned.
Case had given me a lot to think about. I knew I loved him but he was right. I didn't know where I would be tomorrow if Case didn't tell me. I didn't have anything worth fighting for except for him and maybe my paintings. I didn't really have a goal. I didn't strive to be the best artist in the world, I didn't care if I wasn't the rich or famous and I certainly never contemplated climbing the Mount Everest. I was just me. With Case. And as long as he liked me, I was happy.
I was wondering what would happen if something ever happened to Case. If he suddenly died or something like that. Would I even function without him? Almost everything I did involved him on a certain level. I cleaned the house because he liked it clean, would I do the same thing for me? I cooked because he liked the food I made, would I starve without him? He was in almost all of my paintings; would I stop painting without him? Would I stop living without him? Weird thoughts. It was strange realizing that I was being so co-dependent but at the same time it had never bothered me.
"Get out!" I grumpily yelled at him as he entered the bed-room.
"You've been in here all day now, Lucy" he said, walking towards where I was laying on my bed. Well, our bed.
"I don't care. Get out!" I snapped hiding my blond curls under a pillow. I didn't want him to see me right now. That ass.
"I need to get some clothes" he said with a sigh and went to the dresser.
"I don't care. Get out!" I yelled again and threw a pillow at him. It landed a couple of feet from him on the floor.
"I will after I get a change of clothes" he said testily, grabbed some clothes and went out.
"Let me know when you've got your head sorted out" he told me. I huffed. What an asshole.
I went back to my trail of thoughts which he had interrupted. And suddenly it dawned on me. I jumped up and ran behind to where he was getting changed in the living room.
"I know now" I started.
"Wow, that was fast" he said, looking surprised.
"Shut up" I said.
"Ok. Sure. Go Ahead. Talk."
"Case!" I bitched. "Shut up now" I sat him down on the couch, in his underwear, one leg already in his pants, feet barefoot. I straddled his lap and put a finger on his lips to silence him. He bit me lightly, seductively. I was relieved that despite everything we where still our playful selves and he apparently still liked me. Loved me. Found me attractive and knew how to make me smile which I did right now, sitting on his lap, lost in thought. I started playing with his shiny straight black hair that was softer then silk and feathers and always a little unruly.
His finger found one of my blond curls and pulled it straight.
"Yes? I'm quiet...go ahead" he said, obviously amused which snapped me out of my quiet peaceful place back into reality where I quickly remembered that I was supposed to be mad, furious even. Deep mental breath. Here it goes...
"Ok. You say I'm not committed. You're wrong. Don't say anything" I demanded as he took a breath to talk. "I know it seems like I don't have plans. It seems like nothing is really important to me, like I'm a floating leave or ... a jellyfish..."
"A jellyfish?"
"... you know, being carried around by the tide and stuff...but I'm not. I've already found what I was looking for and it seems like I'm not committed to anything because what I'm really committed to leaves no place for anything else!" I said looking into his black almond shaped eyes, reminding me of the painting of the space that I had done of them. They were glittering back at me, and I swear I could see the planets slowly sailing on their orbit. The moon reflecting the light of the evening sun, the stars sparkling with live, strength and dedication seldom seen in one human being. When he talked I realized that I had ceased to do so and his voice brought me back to reality.
"Ehm. Your art?" He asked timidly.
"No, doofus!" I exclaimed, slapping my forehead. He was so dull sometimes. "Well, or yes! I don't know. It's you, dumbo! You're my everything. The reason I can't be dedicated to anything else. You'll always come first. That's why I won't make plans. You're my plan! Everything I do is about you, everything I think is about you, you have become part of my being and I wouldn't have it any other way. You're the most important thing in my live"
I said, mentally vomiting in my mouth a little to get the sweet taste out. When did I get so sappy? O yeah, that's right I was trying to get the man of my life to marry me.
"Wow, that's kind of scary. You sound like a psycho stalker" Case said, but he smiled.
"Thanks. I declare my love for you and you insult me. Great" I said rolling my eyes. He pulled me closer and kissed my temple.
"You know I meant it in a good way" he whispered while I wondered how "psycho stalker" could ever be anything good
"Does that mean I can make plans for both of us?" he asked.
"Don't you already do that? You probably have our funeral already planned out"
"Well...actually I have mine planned out in the family crypt. I could reserve the spot next to me for my little jellyfish"
"Freak" I chuckled and kissed his nose. What disturbed me was: I wasn't sure if he was being serious.
I was most content that Case and I were our old, disgustingly love struck selves again, so I felt like I should treat us. I was in the kitchen preparing a pie, humming the wedding-march.
"Tam-tam tadaaaaa. Tam-tam tadaaaaaaa. Tam-Tam tadaaaadaaaadaaaaadaaaaaataaaadaaadaaaaaaa!"
Case snuck up behind me and snitched a little bit of dough.
"Hey!" I protested "Get your stinking fingers out of my precious dough!" He licked his fingers and gave me a kiss. Then he snitched some more dough.
"CASE!"
"Yes, jellyfish?"
"Grrrr. You're doing this on purpose!"
"What?" he asked innocently. I wasn't buying it.
"Annoying me!"
"I'm bored!" he whined and hugged me from behind, kissing my ear.
"Tough! I got plans!" I said, adding eggs and some butter to the dough and continued stirring. He gave a weird sound, like a whining dog, hugging me tighter.
"You're not supposed to have plans. I'm your plan, remember?"
"Huh?" I think he misunderstood something
"I could help you" he offered.
"Could you? Why do I doubt it?" I replied sceptically.
He grabbed my ass and let his hands wander under the front of my shirt, slide over my stomach and finally tucked at the seam of me T-shirt. Then he let his tongue trail behind my ear and sniffed my neck like a dog would, his breath tickling me. He lowered his head and bit my collarbone. I knew exactly what he was up to.
I pretended not to notice and continued to stir the batter. He humped at my backside a bit, so that I could feel his inflated dick trough the rough fabric of his and my jeans on my butt. I shook my head and refused to let myself be aroused by this but couldn't help grinning. He always picked weird moments to seduce me, I knew I would eventually give in, but I hoped I'd get the pie in the oven before that.
I grabbed the apples and quickly peeled them while he stuck his hands down the front of my jeans and gently tugged on my pubes a bit, with the other hand he lifted the bottom of my shirt and drew circles around my bellybutton. His hand was wandering up to my nipples while his mouth was gently but firmly nipping my shoulder, the cooling salvia on my skin making me shudder. I cut the apples in small pieces and stirred them in with the batter, and then I put some butter in the pie-pan and put some flour on it.
In the meantime Case had popped open my jeans, undone the zipper and was now stroking my hard dick and massaging my butt while he sniffed my hair. He let go of me to undo his pants and then he grabbed some liquid veggie oil, I know, crude, but I'd live. I was pouring the batter into the greased and floured pan when he inserted an oil-clad finger into my bottom, making me jump a little.
I was doing well, the pie could go into the oven shortly, perfect timing. When I bend over to put the pan into the oven Mr Sneaky grabbed the opportunity and popped inside me. I wasn't even surprised, but he still made me gasp as he stretched me. I slammed the oven-door shut, now ready to fully enjoy his pounding as he bend me over the counter. Thankfully I was able to stir us away from the oven, didn't need no burn marks on my stomach. After a while he picked me up and moved me into the bedroom, then the bathroom, then the bedroom again and, after demanding seconds, left me sore and gaping on our bed, even though the veggie oil did a better job at lubing then I expected.
I ended up burning the pie but not really caring either. Totally worth it. Who needs pie anyways when they can have dick?
I was sweaty and spent in a large white shirt, barefoot in the kitchen taking the pie out of the oven and putting some powdered sugar on it to conceal the burnt spots when I heard Case sneak up behind me. He bit my collarbone, making my knees buckle, a sure sign that he was ready for round three. Tomorrow would be soooo bad...
And tomorrow came and it was pretty liquid...eh, bad. Just one of those details that no one cares to hear about...so I almost feel obligated to write about them anyways...almost...
It was two days before "the big dinner with his boss" and Case had begun to get nervous. This was really unusual for him and people who didn't know him as well as I did probably wouldn't have noticed at all because he was such a controlled person. He tended to bottle his emotions. You know, the kind of person that develops stomach ulcers and everybody wonders why because they always seem so superior, as if nothing can faze them. It was also weird because Case always said that he and his boss got along really well, so there was obviously nothing to be nervous about.
Case and I had cleaned the living-room and only a few sketches and my work-in-progress of the Camels and the dessert remained. Case had been antsy and maybe a little aggressive all day. He had even snapped at me once when I didn't put one of my paintings away properly.
"Don't just toss it in there" he told me when I put into the storage room.
"I'm putting it against the wall, that's not tossing!" I complained.
"Put it in one of the wall magazines (we had a metal rack where pictures could be hung up at the wall so you could flip through them, kind of like through a book...or a magazine) it'll get ruined if you just put it on the floor. And what do we have those damn things for anyways?"
"If get's ruined I'll just paint another one, it's no big deal"
"It is a big deal. You've put so much time in them. If you don't care then I'll just go ahead and sell them"
"Yeeesh" I said, deciding to avoid further arguments. He wouldn't see reason when he was being like this anyways.
Thursday he went grocery shopping with me what he almost never did because he felt it was a waste of time for us to go both. He made sure we had everything so I could prepare the lamb-leg in red wine sauce with basilica potatoes, salad and "mousse au chocolate blanc" (it sounds fancy but it really just a cream of white fluffy chocolate) as dessert. I was to prepare the mousse the night before. The lamb was Case's favourite meal and I had it down. It was one of the things my mom had thought me and that I was confident would find recognition even from gourmet cooks. No need to be nervous. On the other hand, it's not my boss either and I don't need to impress him.
Friday morning Case kissed me awake, reminded me of what I had to do and how important this was for him. He had everything planned out and reminded me of the game plan. I was to prepare dinner and set the table and stuff.
"Ok, this is how it's gonna be. Please don't mess this up for me ok, I need you to have my back here. 17.00h I'll pack up at work 17.06 leave my office at, make a quick bathroom stop
17.14 arrive at my boss's office where Ms. Boss will already have joined her husband. My Boss will pack up, we'll chit-chat while heading out to the vehicles, we'll get there maybe at 17.28" Gee, he had that planned out like the assassination of the president
"2 min to get into our vehicles so we'll be leaving at 17.30. You got that?" he looked at me as I nodded. Yes I had that
"Want me to write it down? No? You sure?" No I'm not retarded, thanks for having faith in me though
"Just remember 17.30, actually, I'll give you a call when I'll leave. It'll take us 30min to get from the office to here" I know, used to take you there everyday when our car was getting fixed, remember?
"At 18.00h we'll have Martinis in the living room and an appetizer has to be ready" an appetizer? Did he really leave room for me to make a decision on that? Wasn't he afraid that I was going to serve bloody crocodile balls and embarrass him?
"Don't start preparing any later then 17.45h but not before 17.25h so they won't get warm" he said as he bound his tie in front of the mirror, his back to me.
"If you feel they are done to early store them in the fridge, better even the freezer, but not too long, you don't want to freeze them, so maybe stick with the fridge. After Martinis we can head to the dining room where we will have the entree. If it's nice out we can have dessert and a drink on the patio" he ran a hand through his hair in a futile attempt to get it under control and turned towards me.
"That sound alright to you?" he asked me. He looked got damn fine in his light blue dress shirt that was crisp and clean over his toned body and gave his skin a nice, tan shimmer and it looked o so soft. I knew that under his pleaded black slacks were muscular, lean long legs that could keep his body pumping for hours...
"Lucy? Does that sound good?" he asked impatiently.
"No. But whatever makes you happy..." I mumbled, burying my head in the pillows, trying to go back to sleep.
"Good boy" he said as he walked over and planted a kiss on my curls.
"This is ricockulous!" I kept muttering to myself, slapping wine glasses and a bunch of forks on the table at 15.45h as Case had requested.
But since it was important to Case I did my best. He had been so edgy lately, so stressed. Hopefully he would relax a little after this. It was just dinner with his boss and wife after all. He didn't really show it but inside Case wasn't as cool and controlled as he pretended to be. Case had a fiery inside, even though he kept his temper well under control it was always there, always underneath his carefully composed features and I could see it. He was as passionate and if he wanted to be, as dangerous as a volcano.... A VOLCANO!
That was when it hit me. A volcano. That was what was missing in my huge painting of him! I had put every single facet of him in that painting, his beauty, as mysterious and exotic as the jungle, dark trees and wild animals tangled together. His endurance and dedication, his ability to keep going and have hope when there is none like camels in a desert that keep on going, knowing that they'll find water again. That painting formed his nipple on his broad chest. His kindness and understanding for others, to be a sanctuary and protect them from whatever was out to harm them like the oasis that was the other nipple, the twin of the painting with the camels.
His intelligent mind, deep and capable of great things, yet unpredictable like the dark stormy sea, always in motion and impossible to grasp. The stormy dark waves were his hair. I had painted the endlessness of his love as the space with the mysterious moon and the starts that was his dark eyes. His playfulness, his sense of community, buffalos running wild, red poppy in the wind, a night lit city, dolphins playing, baby goats tumbling, a bridge across the ocean that was all him.
But I had one white square left. His navel, which was the connection to his insides. His fiery, passionate inside that erupted every once in a while and left everything in his way burnt and hurt. Like a volcano. I was missing his temper, his passion, what made him him. It struck me like lighting and I slapped my forehead, realizing that I should have known all along what I was missing, what would make that painting whole and perfect, like him.
I dropped the napkins on the table cloth. Instantly I knew how it had to look like. The painting, a dark volcano with red lava simmering at the ground, dangerous, hot. I got out a new canvass and mixed the colours. I didn't bother calculating this time. I knew what it had to look like.