Him Who Made the Seven Stars 51
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Him Who Made The Seven Stars**
By Waddie Greywolf
Chapter 51
"America has more religiosity than any other industrialized nation. America also has more income and wealth inequality than any other industrialized nation. Apparently, the two are closely related. This relationship raises some other interesting issues. For example, religious conservatives who are so vehement in their opposition to any sort of secularization also tend to be political conservatives who are equally (if not more) vehement in their opposition to policies which would decrease income and wealth inequality. Is this a coincidence? Or is it more likely that conservatives (conservative leaders, at least) recognize (on some level) that a relationship between inequality and religiosity exists? If they do, then they are working for a society with greater inequality and greater feelings of vulnerability precisely because this means their own power is preserved -- it means the rates of religiosity remain high, so religion continues to dominate society." ~ Austin Cline
Only Judge LaFleur could see the entire court room from his bench on the raised dais. He watched in awe as the cowboy shot Clarence Womack and saw four flashes occur in a row across the top balcony at the rear of the courtroom like flash attachments to photographic equipment, but when he looked again, the four cowboys, Billy Daniels, Captain Nick, Oatie Breedlove, and his slave Jethro Quince were gone. He wondered to himself, but before he could come to a conclusion he found himself standing, banging his gavel, and yelling at Kit Crocker, "Goddamn it, Crocker, you crazy son of a bitch, we ain't living in frontier days. It's because of irrational morons like you we need greater gun control laws in this country! Now gimme' that gotdamn hog-leg, sit down, and shut the fuck up!" Judge LaFleur demanded. "Sheriff Tate, arrest this man!" he exclaimed and pointed to Crocker.
The judge's words of anger so stunned the big cowboy it broke his concentration, and he folded like a little boy being scolded by his daddy. He reached up and sat his gun on the judge's desk. He no sooner took his hand from his gun when four huge red demons accompanied by two half-sized demons with horns and tails appeared at the front of the court room. Judge LaFleur instinctively knew it was Billy Daniels and his men. He and his boy, Wesley, saw Jethro in his demon form on Captain Nick's ship. He looked for his boy in the audience and saw him laughing. Wesley winked at his dad and nodded his head. At that moment, the old judge knew, beyond a doubt, they were there to collect and save Clarence Womack. He knew if Womack didn't get emergency medical attention immediately there would be no chance of bringing him back and the old judge was just a mature enough sport he didn't want to see the snot-nosed little bastard get off so easily. He didn't know why or what Billy's motives were, but the message he got from his own boy was, the LaFleurs trusted the young cowboy once, they should trust him now. It was so bizarre and unexpected, the judge raised the back of his hand to his mouth and laughed. The folks in the courtroom looked at him like he was daft.
Poor Grover Parsnip didn't know what the fuck was going on. He was still reeling from Clarence being shot right next to him, but Grover caught the golden eye of the demon who seemed to be in charge, and it winked at him. Somehow Grover got a mental message he knew the demon from somewhere else; he just didn't recognize him in this form, and it told him to have no fear, he was here to save Womack's life. The four large demons placed Clarence on the table on his back. Billy leaned over him to look Clarence in the eye just as his life was slipping away, grinned wickedly, and sent a message to him, << Your life as Clarence Womack is over now. Your evil soul belongs to us. We will take you to our father, Lucifer, and he will decided your fate, >> it said to him just before he lost consciousness. He didn't even have time to panic.
The judge got himself together and spoke, "Who are you demons and why have you invaded my courtroom?" he demanded.
"We are the son's of Lucifer, of Satan himself, your honor, and we have come to collect one of his own. This man sold his soul to our master many years ago and like a wolf in sheep's clothing he has committed all manner of atrocities against his fellow men under the guise of religion. Now he is dead, and we are here to take him to his just reward depending on our master's judgment. We apologize your honor, we mean no disrespect to you nor your Earthly position, but we represent a higher court, or lower depending on your point of view, and this man's death gives us jurisdiction. I'm sure you understand, we must leave with him immediately to resurrect Clarence Womack to stand before our master's judgment," Billy said in a booming bass voice.
"You can't talk to our judge that a' way! This here's the New Nineted States of Amurica, you hideous son's of Satan! Don't worry none, I'll save you, Judge!" shouted the crazed Kit Crocker and pulled his other six shooter from his left holster, pointed it at Billy, and pulled the trigger. The bullet went straight toward Billy and would have killed him, but it hit an invisible barrier before it got to him. It ricocheted off and hit Elmer Breedlove's youngest granddaughter, Sally Goodin Breedlove, sitting in the front row. It made a great 'splat' and then a crunching sound. She screamed, jumped up clutching her breast, and fell over the the railing in front of her with her arms thrown forward. Cass was one of the smaller demons and ran in front of Kit Crocker, held the flat of his hand up, the gun flew out of the big cowboy's hand high into the air, and the audience watched as it floated over to the the judge's desk and sat gently down next to the other. Elmer Breedlove was out of his seat and was beating the crap out of Kit Crocker. He decked him and told him if he moved or said another word he would put his lights out.
Oatie ran to his youngest sister, put his hands under her shoulders, raised her limp body up and over the railing, scooped her up into his muscular arms, raised his huge black leather wings and disappeared with her in a great flash of light. Billy walked over to Kit Crocker and looked down at him into his eyes. What he saw disturbed and touched him at the same time. He saw a frightened little boy in a large man's body who desperately wanted to become a gown-up and be recognized as a hero, but was held back by so many conflicting emotions he could never get over or go around. He was a man whose timing was always just a bit off center, and he never could seem to get his act together. There was a bond of empathy which instantly passed between them. Billy reached down and extended his big fiery red hand. For some reason Kit didn't understand at the moment, he grabbed Billy's hand like a lifeline thrown to him like a drowning man. He knew the demon would take him away from this embarrassing moment to a safe harbor. Billy raised his black leathered wings, and the two men disappeared.
Nick and Jethro raised their wings over Clarence and disappeared with him. Last but not least, Poly and Cass had instructions from their master, and each took one of Grover Parsnip's hands, raised their wings, and disappeared. Jack McCormack slapped his knee and fell out laughing. Bubba joined him, and they were holding each other as tears streamed down their faces. Their laughter got Elmer and Vox laughing. They were holding each other in a similar state of nervous disbelief. For all his concern for his granddaughter, Elmer's bellows of nervous laughter was contagious. He knew Oatie would take care of his little sister and see she was restored. Several others in the courtroom started laughing, and before long the rest of the folks were laughing at what they just witnessed. It was so bizarre, so out of left-field, way beyond the ordinary, they laughed out of nervous emotional exhaustion. Wesley LaFleur was doubled over trying to get his breath. The judge banged his gavel, "Court is adjourned until further notice!" he exclaimed, and turned from the audience to laugh into his bandanna he pulled from his hip pocket.
Earl Hickson didn't laugh. He was one of the few men still sitting in their seat. He was stunned and in great awe at what he saw. "Does this sort of shit go on all the time around here?" his buddy Erin asked.
"Pretty much," Earl replied, shook his head, and grinned.
* * * * * * * *
Technical explanation of Billy and his family's appearance in court as demons; or, how they done it.
Billy nicknamed the nether zone where they went to wing-up and de-wing as the 'cloakroom.' Everyone in his family knew and used the term. It was a place were time stood still. As Gertrude Stein once wrote, there was no 'there' there. It just was. They could jump to the nether area and discuss what they were going to do and how to establish a plan of action, reappear almost in an instant, and no time would have passed in the real world. From there they could contact others and include them in their plan if they needed them. Nick and Boomer made it their jobs to learn every small facet of Billy's family's talents so they could suggest the most informed plan of action in an emergency as Billy's main protectors. Billy came to rely heavily on Nick and Boomer for their expertise and suggestions.
The minute they saw Kit Crocker pull his gun from his hidden holster and fired it, Billy sent a mental order to the three men standing with him at the back of the auditorium in the far balcony. << Cloakroom! >> was all he said and his posse disappeared. The people in the balcony thought there were reporters behind them taking pictures, but no one turned to look. They were too engrossed in the courtroom drama taking place before them. Billy and his posse didn't rush. They had plenty of time. If they smoked, they could have kicked back, had a cigarette, drank a beer, and discussed the situation, and it would still be there frozen in time when they returned. Boomer was with them, but he made himself invisible. He materialized in the cloakroom with the four men.
"Suggestions Pa and number one for a demon brigade to descend on the courtroom?" Billy asked Nick and Boomer.
Nick looked to Boomer to go first, "We need the twins, Master Billy. They can morph into junior demons; so can I, but I'm too big. I'd scare them folks to death. With the four of you and them you should be able to pull it off," Boomer said.
"Wait a minute, I thought demon morphing was limited to an exclusive fraternity? How can you and the twins know how to morph into demons?" Billy asked and Boomer looked down like he was embarrassed, then looked at Captain Nick.
"They asked for some of my blood so Boom could play demon master with his demon sons, for a little sexual variation," Nick said, "I didn't think you'd mind. Everyone needs a little piece of demon dad now and then, Kemosabe," Nick added.
"I agree. I would have approved it anyway. This just makes it easier. Is there any others I should know about?" Billy asked.
"A couple," Nick said quietly. Boomer turned his head and laughed. "Snitch!" Nick exclaimed to Boomer's laughter and laughed with him.
"How many is a couple in your guesstimation, Tonto?" Billy asked and grinned.
"The older set of Sun Bears – a dozen; Hank and Buck; the grooms Mace and Picard; Thor, Zeus, and Gog. Oh, yes, and Joe, the blue giant, but not his little brother," Nick said waiting for the worst.
Billy started laughing. "That's frick'n wonderful. We got us enough demons to do a scene from Dante's Inferno once't we get them to the dungeon on Captain Nick's ship. Which giant is the largest and most fierce looking in demon form?" Billy asked.
"Gog, by far, Master Billy," Boomer said and Nick agreed with him.
"Perfect! Gog will play our demon lord and master. We will bow down before him and do his bidding. Then for a big finale we'll have the angels from heaven arrive and the most stunning and powerful of them will be our black angel, our beloved Balthazar," Billy said. Everyone was laughing at the idea.
"But he ain't totally black, he's got white wings, Master Billy," Boomer said.
"No problem. I can change the color of his wings in the blink of an eye. He just prefers white wings and I approved them. I like him in white wings. I can't wait to see the look on that bigoted cowboy's face when he learns he's gonna' be judged by a black archangel. Come to think on it, I heard tell Womack has preached against blacks and whites mixing or even worshiping together. He's a bigoted racist as well as Crocker. It would shake him to the bottom of his rotten soul," Billy said in awe and his posse broke up laughing at his wicked scenario.
"Boomer's right about the twins. We need them for protection. They's in direct contact with Madame Spartza and anything they can think of, will instantly be done. She will use them to see through their eyes, and in fact, she can control their every movement if need be. I'll be in contact with Beauford for the same reason. He can cover the four of us while Madame Spartza protects the twins," Captain Nick said.
Boomer contacted the twins and they joined their master in an instant. It took no time to inform the two Shedu's of their plan of action, and the men and twins morphed to their demon forms, transported down to the main floor in the front of the courtroom. When they appeared there were screams from the women folk and stunned shouts of everything from 'Sweet Jesus! Save us!' -- 'What the fuck!' – to 'Hail, yeah! Frick'n awesome, Dudes!' was heard from the gathered cowboys around the huge room. Billy made his posse understand they would immediately transport to the dungeon area of Captain Nick's ship when they were through. He left word with Clyde and Cowboy Andy to notify and gather as many cowboy-angels as they could to help repair Clarence and Oatie's little sister, Sally. Billy didn't know at the time there would be one other victim of Kit Crocker's stupidity with Oatie's sister getting shot, but he did tell the twins to fly Grover Parsnip to the dungeon with them. Billy thought it was time old Grover got the full immersion into the Daniels' family. Besides, he always admired Grover from afar when he was growing up. He thought he was one of the finest looking mature cowboys he ever saw.
* * * * * * *
Word got out around the town about the ruckus what went on at the Court House at the hearing for Clarence Womack. Pete Breedlove and the other lead man Leon Tollefson were working in the feed lot separating some cattle getting ready to ship some and take on a few more being delivered by ranchers in the area. Their Bossman called them over and spoke quietly. "Pete, you may want to let Leon take over for a while. We just got the craziest damn phone call from the secretary down to the sheriff's station, that damn crazy Kit Crocker pulled a gun in the courtroom this morning and shot old Clarence Womack to death, and out of nowheres, come these huge red demons with horns and tails. They tell the judge they's gonna' take the preacher to hell. Crocker pulls out another gun to shoot the demons and the bullet hits some barrier between him and them, bounces off, and hits your youngest daughter in the upper breast. One of the demons ran over to her, lifted her up out of her seat, took her into his arms, and disappeared into thin air," the man said.
Instead of being upset, a funny smile came over Pete's face. "Thanks, Stew, but I don't need to take off. She'll be alright. I'll call my dad at lunch and talk with him. He was there. They didn't go together, but I'm sure he saw everything. Elmer wouldn't let nothing bad happen to Sally. Better I stay out of the way and let others see to her. I'm sure dad will know where she is, and I can go see her after work," Pete said sincerely.
"You're welcome to take off, if you want, Pete," his Boss said.
"Thanks, I appreciate it, but she'll be all right," Pete said again.
The men continued working. Not another word was said until Pete and Leon went off to have lunch together. "You're becoming an enigma to me, Cowboy," Leon said after they sat for a while.
"What's an enigma, Hoss?" Pete asked quietly.
"A puzzle. You didn't get upset in the least when you heard your daughter was shot. Has it got anything to do with the Daniels?" Leon asked.
"It's got ever' thing to do with them, Pod'na. You know, I asked Billy if I could bring you along wiff' me the next time I go out there, and he said 'yes.' I guess it wouldn't hurt none to tell you a couple of things, but don't expect me to expand or explain them. H'it ain't because I's try'n to be secretive. They's just lots I don't know, but what I'm about to tell you ain't no cowboy bullshit, Leon. The demon what picked up my little girl and disappeared with her was my boy, Oatie. He took her down to the Daniels ranch where they could work on her and heal her. She'll be fine. Them men can do what we ordinary cowboys would think as miracles, but they'll tell you it ain't nothing more than being enhanced with a greater knowledge of science and the physical powers of the universe," Pete explained. About that time Pete's phone rang, he pulled it from his shirt pocket and saw it was his dad calling. He smiled and pressed the connect button.
"Hey, Dad, how's Sally?" he asked.
"She's gonna' be fine, Son. Oatie and Billy done patched her up. She's in a nice bed up to the big house at the Daniels' place. You can drive out to see her after work if you like. They give her a sedative. They want her to rest this afternoon, get a good night's sleep, and she can decide what she wants to do tomorrow. You okay, Son? I figured you done heard about it," Elmer said.
"Yeah, Stew came out and told us this wild story about demons and what Kit Crocker done – Sally get'n shot and all. I knew the minute he told me, the demon what disappeared with her was Oatie," Pete said and winked at his work mate. "Say, Dad, you think it would be all right if I bring Leon out with me to see Sally," he asked.
"Sure. Don't see why not. Billy done already approved it, and you men just may get to see Billy and his demon crew in action. I'm gonna' do my best to keep Janice and Louise away from the Daniels' place. She's so damned unpredictable, and I just don't want the Daniels to be exposed to her brand of crazy. I'll talk with Sally, and if she wants to go, we plan on taking her over to our ranch later this evening or tomorrow morning and Janice can visit her there," Elmer said.
"Okay. Thanks for calling, Dad. I better get back to my lunch," Pete said and laughed.
"Have a good day, Son, and don't worry yore'self none – Sally is fine," Elmer said and they disconnected.
"You want to drive to my place, and we can go together?" Pete asked Leon.
"Can you give me about an hour to get my dad fed and for me to clean up?" Leon asked.
"Sure, no problem. Just gimme' a call before you come," Pete said.
* * * * * * *
Billy transported Kit Crocker to the dungeon area on Captain Nick's ship. The rest of the demons were there and several others were just arriving in a flash of light. Several of the wonderful Sun Bears were flying about with their black leather bat wings carrying small pointed pitchforks. They were so cute Billy almost broke up. He wanted to grab one out of the air, hug, kiss it, and rub it's little tummy until he made it laugh, but he stifled his urges until he got Crocker put away. The big cowboy took one look at the Sun Bears darting about, "Oh, my God, giant bats! We are in Hell!" Crocker said quietly in awe at the commotion going on before his eyes. In his demon form, Billy was a third bigger than Kit Crocker. He wasn't rough with him but quickly guided him to one of the dungeon cells, pushed him inside, closed the iron door, and locked it.
"Sit on the the bed, Crocker, I'm about to put you to sleep, and I don't want you hurting yourself falling on the floor," Billy growled at him. Kit Crocker figured he better do what the demon told him, sat on the bed, and then lay down. "Before I put you out, where is your wife? Is she with friends or family?" Billy asked.
"She's all right. Once't I figured out what I's gonna' do, I told her I couldn't never lie down with her no more without feeling like she cut my balls off. I didn't wanna' stick my cock in a hole what gave comfort to Clarence Womack's pig-dick. I told her she done lied to me about forsaking all others for me when she married me. She never meant it. I told her it was over between us, to pack a bag, I was taking her back to her family. I never wanted to lay eyes on her again. She would get the divorce papers in the mail," Crocker said in disgust, "I drove her to her parent's house, set her bags on the curb, drove away, and never looked back," he added.
"Is that what you really want?" Billy asked.
"Hell, yeah! I figure a women what would do that to her husband is like a chicken killing dog; you can't never break 'um of the habit once't they get a taste of the forbidden," he spat out.
"How did she take the news?" Billy asked.
"She cried a lot and begged me to forgive her. I don't think I could ever do that. I can take a chicken kill'n dog out and shoot him, but I can't my wife," Crocker reasoned.
"So, you decided to shoot the rooster what invaded your hen house?" Billy asked.
"Seemed like the thing to do at the time, Mr. Demon. I ain't sorry I done it, if that's what you's fishing for," Crocker replied in disgust to Billy's question.
Billy sent a jolt of plasma energy and Crocker felt himself sinking into a deep peaceful sleep. His last thought before he passed out was the bed was considerably more comfortable than he imagined a bed in Hell might be. As a matter of fact, it was downright comfortable, and wrapped itself around his body like an old whore who hadn't felt the warm comfort of a man in years. Billy walked back from the cells and saw Nick and Jethro working on Clarence. They were being assisted by the Shedu grooms Mace and Picard in demon form. They had him laid out on a leather table and were taking his clothes off as fast as they could. The Sun Bears would gather them up and take them to one of the cells to store them. Billy knew he and his men could repair and fully restore Clarence as long as they got to him within an hour of his death; the sooner the better.
Billy watched the twins arrive with Grover Parsnip in hand. Billy walked over to him, grinned, took him into his arms, and gave him a big hug. Grover didn't know what to think, but he hugged the big demon back. "I knew the minute you looked into my eyes, I know'd you, but not like this," Grover said shaking his head.
"Welcome to the Billy Daniels experience, Grover, you handsome buckaroo," Billy said and stole a kiss.
"Billy? Is it really you?" he asked.
"Yeah, and these two handsome demons are my little brothers. They's shape shifters, and I done mastered Shifting 101 myself. You might say I ain't shiftless no more," Billy said, grinned at his own pun, and morphed back into himself before Grover. He motioned for the twins to do the same, and they follow their master's lead.
"My God, you grow'd up to be a fine looking young cowboy, Billy, and your little brothers are just as handsome. Why did you bring me with you?" Grover asked.
"When we get through resurrecting Clarence and get Oatie's little sister taken care of, I thought we might take care of you, and give you a jump-start on your life again. If'n any man in our community deserves it, you do. My granddaddy used to tell me there t'weren't no better man on the face of this planet than Grover Parsnip. We'll only be able to take off about twenty years at first, but after folks get used to seeing a new, younger you, we'll take off another ten to twenty. We'll make you shine like a brand new penny, Grover," Billy said and smiled.
"Then what them big watchers told me was true? You are the new messiah?" Grover asked.
"Ah, them big watchers on Retikki Prime brag a little too much about their nephew-in-law. They get carried away. We share a mutual bond of understanding, affection, and admiration between us. I'd do anything for them, and they show their love for me and my bonded mate by being proud and giving to us like they's a pair of old maid aunts what loves to knit. I don't know about being no messiah. I never believed in any of the old ones, and if you study enough, you know they's been hundreds what claimed to be a messiah. I won't never make that mistake. I'll let others say what I am. All I want is their respect and gratitude for what I do for them. They don't even have to love me. I get enough love from my family and those I gather unto myself -- like you, Grover. I've admired you for as long as I can remember. My granddaddy used to say your name in reverence like you's a special kind of man. I believed him then, and I still do," Billy said.
"How can I help, Billy?" Grover asked.
"Just by being you, Pod'na," Billy replied and hugged the older cowboy again.
Grover reached down and gently took Billy's manhood into his hand and looked at it. "E'aup you's yore' daddy and granddaddy's boy, no doubt. A fine looking specimen of a cowboy, Son," he said.
Billy turned his attention away from Grover for a minute to speak to Nick and Jethro. "You men got things under control here? I'm gonna' wing-up and transport to the slave processing room to check on Oatie and see if he needs a hand. Then we'll be right back to resurrect Clarence. Be sure you strap him down good," Billy said and smiled.
Billy told Grover to hold on for a minute while he and his twins winged-up. "Wing-up?" Grover asked.
"You'll see," Billy said as he, Poly, and Cass disappeared and returned almost as quickly in their cowboy clothes and boots, with their leather harnesses on their upper bodies. With Billy's outstanding gold wings and the the twins equally spectacular wings they looked like an archangel with his two smaller guardian angels.
"Holy Mary mother of God, cowboy-angels!" Grover exclaimed.
"What's she got to do with anything?" Billy asked and grinned, "Two advanced races of Ancients give us these wings and enhanced us just like we's gonna' do for you. Wouldn't you like to have a nice set of wings to fly from place to place, Buckaroo?" Billy asked.
"Who wouldn't, but I ain't never seen me no advertisement for Wings-R-Us," Grover replied and made a joke.
"You come to the right cowboy, Mr. Parsnip. Have I got a deal for you on a beautiful pair of wings only test driven once by a little old lady from Pasadena, Texas?" he asked using cowboy hyperbole.
"Can I put 'um on my credit card?" Grover asked.
"Absolutely, sir. Yore' credit is gold wiff' me," Billy replied and they shared a laugh.
Billy and Cass took Grover by the hand, they raised their wings, and disappeared. They reappeared in the slave processing room. Oatie already morphed into his cowboy-angel form and there were several other cowboy-angels with him: Nathan, Tron, Enoch, Moss, Clyde, Cowboy Andy, Dociean, Garth, Mack, Balthazar, Etienne, and Raymond Escobar. "How's she doing, Brother?" Billy asked.
"The bullet lodged in her clavicle, but Clyde and Balthazar were able to dislodge it and floated it out. Fortunately, no major arteries were severed, but she was bleeding pretty bad by the time we got here. We're just getting ready to close her up and restore her. Have you heard from Master Bull? I know he'd want to be here. You think we should wait?" Oatie asked like he was conflicted.
"No, you got more'n enough talent here to completely heal her. Elmer and Roxanne won't add that much more. Go on, Oatie, you're doing fine. We got faith in you," Billy said.
"Will you watch over me, Master Billy, to make sure I'm doing it right?" Oatie asked.
"Of course. You men get on either side and raise your wings with your brothers," Billy said to Poly and Cass. They did as they were told, and the rest of the cowboy-angels spread and raised their wings like giant feathered umbrellas to gather the essence of the universe. Oatie didn't waver and conducted the healing rays directly and evenly to the wounded area. Grover was close enough to see everything, and the brilliant light illuminated every small detail of the wound as he watched it slowly grow back together and heal over until there wasn't a scar or bruise left to be seen. Oatie went over it several times to make sure he didn't miss anything. Grover looked up to see Elmer Breedlove, Vox, Bubba, and Jack McCormack walk into the room and join the men. They were followed by Sheriff Will Tate, his dad Buster, Judge LaFleur, and his son Wesley. Grover made room for them to see the progress. They were as amazed as Grover.
Sally began to come around and opened her eyes. She saw her brother and a number of winged men standing over her with their wings raised as if to shield and protect her. Then she remembered the trauma of the bullet hitting her and knocking her out. She started weeping as she put her hand to her shoulder expecting to feel a huge hole, but there was nothing but her own flesh. She was completely healed. "Oatie? My brother? Is it really you?" she asked weakly.
"Yes, little sister, it's me. We removed the bullet and me and my buddy cowboy-angels restored you the way you were. You're gonna' be all right. You'll be just fine. Granddad's here," Oatie said.
"Grandpa? Where?" she asked and tried to raise up. Elmer stepped up, took her small hand, and gently lowered her back onto the table.
"I got here as quick as I could drive out here, Princess, but you were in good hands. I knew you would be well taken care of. Oatie and his cowboys done a fine job fix'n you up. You's good as new, little lady," Elmer said with his eyes watering.
"I'm gonna' put you to sleep, Sally. You've suffered a great mental trauma as well as physical. You need rest to heal your mind as well as your body. What were you doing at the hearing today?" Oatie asked.
"Mr. Womack is our preacher, and I was the only one of our family who didn't have something else to do. Mom and sis had to work today. I'm out of school and was home alone, so when our neighbors invited me, I decided to go along. Mom told me I should go to let Pastor Womack know our family still supports him. I didn't realize the seriousness of the charges against pastor Womack until I heard what he did to Earl Hickson, and apparently, he's been sleeping around with several married women in our church. And now, you turn out to be the angel who healed me. What happened to the demon who took me away from the courtroom?" she asked.
"He went back to Hell, Sally, but he turned you over to us before he did, so's we could save your life," Oatie explained, "Sometimes demons and angels work together to save the innocent," he added. Sally seemed to accept his explanation. "You must not tell anyone what you saw here today, Sally. Especially your sister and your mother. They probably wouldn't believe you anyway," Oatie said. Sally just nodded her head she understood. Oatie put her out, and she went into a deep sleep.
"What will we do with her?" Oatie asked.
"We'll angel-flight her back to our ranch and let her recuperate," Elmer said, "It's fairly neutral territory for her mom, sister, and dad. I don't mind if they come to visit her. I don't think Janice will give me any trouble. If she does, I'll just throw her ass out. Vox and I can take care of Sally until she recovers a bit more and wants to go home. It will be easier on Pete to come to our place," Elmer allowed.
"Uh, Granddad who's gonna' look after her while you're watching the Billy Daniel's show? I know you don't want to miss a minute of what our young master's got in store for Clarence Womack and Hello Kitty Crocker," Oatie said and everyone laughed.
"We can put Sally up here for a night," Billy spoke up, "We should be able to do what we need to get done this evening. Aunt Helen is still here. I think she'd enjoy sitting with her. Then you can make up your mind. In the meantime, I can use all three of you men to bring Clarence back, but we need to get to it right away," Billy said, "We'll need Will, Everett, and Buster Tate as well," he added.
"Agreed!" exclaimed Elmer, "Since Oatie took care of her, she's still under his care for right now. We'll just tell Janice, she and Louise can see her tomorrow. Screw that witch," Elmer added and the other men agreed.
Boomer gathered the anti-grav gurney and the men gently lifted Sally with their levitation skills to slide it under her. Oatie, Elmer, and Vox took her to the house. The rest of Billy's cowboy-angels returned to the dungeon on Captain Nick's ship. They invited the judge, his boy, and of course Grover to join them. Billy told them they couldn't be with them while they would be doing their home-brew version of Dante's Inferno to scare the crap out of Womack and Crocker, but Billy and his technical staff on Captain Nick's ship would provide a large room with a huge three dimensional holo-vid screen to watch. Billy promised it would be like being in the same room with them.
"What do you hope to accomplish, Son?" Judge LaFleur asked.
"I bit of revenge for Kit Crocker against Womack based on the old testicle premise of an eye for an eye – only much more fun. Personal humiliation and major changes for Clarence Womack to adjust his super ego. In a nutshell, I plan to arrange a marriage made in Hell, sir, which may only be redeemed by the players themselves," Billy said and grinned wickedly, "Then after we're through with them, we will return one or both to cells in our county jail. It will be your call. Then you may pronounce your sentence upon them based on man's law," Billy added, "However, knowing you and your propensity for creative judgment, you may want to consider other alternatives after you watch our show, but we can speak again afterward," Billy explained, "Please don't misunderstand, Judge, I ain't trying to usurp your authority. I'm only trying to give you a couple of possible alternatives to consider," he added.
"I never considered you were, Son. You saw a terrible, violent crime being committed and you tried your best with your posse's talents to sort out the mess and keep everyone alive. No matter your methods, I consider your actions to be heroic, if somewhat unorthodox. To Hell with orthodoxy, if you can save the man's life no matter what he done, that should be everyone's first concern. The rest will take care of itself," Judge LaFleur said.
"Thank you, Judge. Your opinion will allow me and my band of naughty demons to have more fun. You'll understand as you watch, but for right now we got to bring Clarence back to life." Billy said.
Everyone transported back to the dungeon. Billy's posse and enhanced family members winged up to give Billy the largest charge he was capable of gathering to gain the incredible healing power needed to resurrect someone from the dead. He told Oatie he wanted him right across the table from him in his number two position. The witnesses were allowed to watch up close and personal, because Billy wouldn't allow Clarence to come out of his deep sleep until he called for him to awaken. He would never know they were there. The cowboy-angels were well within the time limitations to revive a human, and steadily but surely, pieced Humpty-Dumpty Womack back together again. It was worse than Billy imagined. One bullet went through and out Clarence's backside, but two others were lodged in bone. One in his left clavicle and the other in a back rib. Fortunately, two-gun Crocker wasn't a very good shot and missed Womack's heart altogether; however, the shock to his body and immediate loss of blood was enough to kill him. Even though Billy's cowboy-angels witnessed healing miracles of their own making, bringing back someone from the dead was one giant leap above 'awesome-dude.' Once they extracted the bullets, they kept pouring the electro-life-force energy plasma through Billy into their patient until they saw Clarence gasp for breath, and he started coughing. They could see his heart was beating again, and he soon settled down to a normal breathing rate.
"Hosanna!" shouted Billy's uncle.
"Hosanna, in the highest!" shouted the other men in unison.
"Remarkable," said Judge LaFleur quietly to no one in particular.
"We can power down, now, Gentlemen," Billy said, and his cowboy-angels lowered their wings. "I'd like to thank everyone for helping me save this man's life no matter what we think of him personally. I don't look at it as wasting our talents to save Clarence sorry ass. I see it as opportunity to set aright a part of him which is so wrong on so many levels it ain't worth discussing, and my hope is to have a little personal fun while doing it. While we allow Clarence's body to rest and adjust from its trauma, we will set up our guests as spectators to be able to witness our humble attempt at an age-old form of a morality tale called a Mummer's Play, using the growing number of members of our family who have become fascinated with shape shifting into demon form like you witnessed earlier today. While we create our dungeon from Hell, we will take our guests to enjoy the hospitality of our native population on board Captain Nick's ship.
"It will take us some time to set up everything and coach our players about their roles in our production. As those of you know from the recent smack-down, the locals love to entertain visitors, and please, don't be shy taking advantage of their generosity. Captain Nick, his managers, and myself see to it they are amply rewarded and repaid for what they share. So you're not confused later, our main demon who will be playing the role of Lucifer or the Devil, will be none other than our beloved giant and hero of the altercation at the last 'Close-caldron' competition, Billy Gog Groats, and his attendants will be our two former lead bulls of the guard cattle brigade, Thor and his son Zeus. Our great blue giant, Joe, will be playing the roll of the devil's advocate. Our grooms, Mace and Picard, will be playing the roles of the grooms of the dungeon. Also, last but certainly not least, representing the humans, Clarence Womack and Hello Kitty Crocker, will be our own beloved counselor, Grover Parsnip, in human form," Billy said, and several of the men applauded.
"Way to go, Grover! Give 'um Hell!" Jack yelled, and everyone laughed at his metaphor.
"No, no, Billy, please! I wouldn't know what to say or how to act. I'm too damn old for such shenanigans. You's talking 'bout doing something I just ain't capable of no more. Let a youngster like Jack represent them two. I'm doing good some mornings to make it to the damn coffee pot. If I have a good bowel movement, I'm proud of myself for the rest of the day. Well, look at me!" Grover exclaimed and gestured with both hands from his head to his torso.
"No problem! Enoch! You and ma' rope'n buddy here, Moss 'Mooseheart' Garrett, give our buddy an assist. Help him remove his clothes and give him a lift onto that extra bench behind you. We already got the man-power here, let's us cowboys initiate another family member, enhance him, and give an old dog a new leash on life," Billy said.
Grover stood looking like he was about to shit his wranglers. Tears started falling from his eyes.
"Go on Grover, if any man deserves another go round, it's you, Cousin," Judge LaFleur encouraged him.
Enoch and Moss were as gentle and tender with the old man as they would be a young child they didn't want to frighten. They helped him off with his clothes, back on with his boots, and gently picked him up and laid him out on a comfortably padded leather bondage table. Billy and his cowboy-angels, including Enoch and Moss, gathered around and surrounded him with their wings. Jack and Bubba joined them. It was one of the greatest gathering of energy since they resurrected Clarence Womack. Billy pricked Grover's finger to get a drop of his blood and tasted it. After he gathered the old man's DNA and analyzed it, Billy raised his wings and began to channel his posse's life-changing energy-plasma and focused it on Grover's failing body. Slowly, but surely, he brought Grover back to about fifty years of age, enhanced him, and stopped. He looked much younger and better. Billy didn't want to regress him further until the community became used to his new look. Billy declared he was finished and everyone powered down. Enoch and Moss helped Grover sit up. Everyone stood in awe of Billy's talents.
"Hosanna!" exclaimed Oatie Breedlove quietly.
"Hosanna, in the highest!" responded the rest of the men gathered in an equally quiet reverent manner.
"You know what this means, don't you, Billy?" Grover asked.
"You'll play the part of Womack and Crocker's Earthly attorney, sir?" Billy asked with eager anticipation.
"Hell, I'd do anything for you, Son, including that, but so much more. I'm afraid I done went and fell in love with you," Grover said like a schoolboy admitting to his best bud he had a bro-crush on him.
Billy took Grover into his arms and kissed him on his forehead, "'At cain't be a bad thing, Grover. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty dang fond of you, but let's don't tell our parents, they might get the wrong idea," Billy said and everyone laughed.
* * * * * * *
Pete's cell phone rang just after he got home and out of the shower. He saw it was Janice calling. "Hey, Janice. What chu' want?" Pete said shortly.
"Do you know where Sally G. is?" Janice asked.
"Sure, I know'd since lunch time where she is and how she's doing," Pete replied without giving her a lot. He wanted to see how much she knew first.
"I've heard all sort of horrible rumors about what happened at the Court House this afternoon to our poor beloved pastor who is being persecuted unjustly by them heathens what don't belong to our church. You know they's been after him for a long time. Now one of them done went and shot him and accidentally shot our little girl, Pete. Nobody's told me nothing definite. I don't even know if she's still alive," Janice said and started crying on the phone in a transparent attempt to garner sympathy.
"H'it t'weren't very good parenting on your part to allow her to go to the courthouse today, Janice, but that ain't never been your strong suit, has it? The information I got was they had Womack dead to rights he was trying to blackmail Earl Hickson so he would go to prison if Earl didn't get Clarence incriminating personal information about Billy Daniels and his family. Clarence wanted to get something on the Daniels so's he could extort money from them. It's also come out he's been sleeping with five or six men's wives who's members of his congregation. Why would you continue to expose our daughter to a low-life criminal like him? Why, the hell, did you let her go down there in the first place, Janice?" Pete asked.
"Louise and I had to work. We couldn't just take off and Sally was the only one of our family who could go and represent us to let our poor persecuted man of God know we don't believe a word of the garbage they're spreading about him, and we still love and believe in him," Janice wailed.
"Janice, you know them folks ain't lying. You never thought I knew, but I know'd you were fucking him while I was working my ass off to keep our lives together. I suspected it, but never found out for sure until after we broke up. It was one piece of information an angel told me what helped me turn my life around and start living again. You can't hide something like that forever, Janice – not in a small town," Pete said.
"I didn't call you to fight or rehash old times. Whoever told you such a thing is a fuck'n liar," she screamed over the phone.
"Our youngest daughter, Sally, told me, Janice," Pete said quietly, and there was a dead silence on the other end of the phone.
"Do you know if she's all right, Pete?" Janice asked without contradicting what Pete said.
"She's fine. They rushed her out to the Daniels' ranch where Oatie was working, he removed the bullet, stitched her up, he give her some sedatives, and she's resting peacefully. Dad called me at lunch today. He said she was a bit shaken up, but she's all right. She's doing fine. I'm leaving my place in a few minutes to drive out there to be with her. Elmer's out there with her right now and so is Oatie," Pete said.
"Wonder how much that queer bastard will charge us for operating on his little sister?" she hissed.
"Do you realize just how stupid that sounded? Are you saying Oatie had another father than me, Janice?" Pete asked, "Who was his father? Womack?" Pete yelled at her, "Hell, he looks just like his granddaddy. That always was a major thorn in your flesh," he added.
"You were his father, Pete, but you know what I meant," Janice yelled back.
"No, you're wrong, I don't know you anymore, nor do I care to," Pete said.
"Well, I'm driving out there. She's my daughter, and I demand to see her before them liberal scum bags and Elmer Breedlove brainwashes her against me. I'm gonna' bring her home where she belongs," Janice ranted.
"Where you can make sure she's properly brainwashed by your perverse insanity? You can't go out there without an invitation. You can go, but you won't get onto the ranch. They got guards at the front gate who will make you turn around and leave. I'm invited for this afternoon. They're expecting me. Tomorrow, Elmer is planning on taking Sally to his ranch where she will stay until she's ready to go home. He told me you could call and make arrangements to come out to his ranch to visit her. I wouldn't try one of your indignant conservative religiously persecuted holier-than-thou-mother routines with the Daniels. The sheriff and his family and the judge and his family are out there this afternoon trying to put the pieces together about what exactly happened in the courthouse this afternoon. You ain't high on their list of good people, Janice. If you pull a scene you might find yore' fat ass in jail for disturbing the peace, but don't let my warning discourage you none. You never listened to me before; why break with tradition now? Just make sure you got a good attorney and money to make bond. Oh, yes, and the closest bondsman is in Kerrville. If you call me for help, you'll be piss'n in the wind," Pete said, "I'll call you after I get home and let you know how she is," he added as a consolation.
Janice grew increasingly jealous of Pete getting his act together and making a life for himself after the breakup of their disastrous marriage. Janice was all right when Pete went off the deep-end after their divorce. She told everyone she just knew it was because he couldn't live without her. Now she wasn't so sure, and her own personal doubts of self-worth came into play. Janice just couldn't help lash out at Pete in an attempt to cut his balls off once again. "I heard from several sources you got chore'self a new boyfriend, Pete – that homo cowboy what lives with his daddy out to Kooksville," she hissed like a vicious viper, "When you plan to announce your engagement?" she asked taunting him.
"They's two lead cowboys at the feed lot – me and Leon. We work hard to make sure the work gets done and on time. We eat lunch together ever' day on the tailgate of his truck or mine. If that qualifies as court'n another cowboy or having an affair with Leon, then I guess you got me dead-to-rights, Janice. No! Fuck it! You know what? I ain't told nobody about this, but to be honest with you, we been talk'n about it for sometime, Janice. Hell, I ain't even bought Leon a ring yet, but I been looking in the pawnshops in Brady for one his size. I don't plan to let a good catch like that big stallion get away. If I can't find me a ring big enough, I'll sneak up on him and drop ma' lasso around his neck and hold on until he promises to be my mate. It's true, I won't deny it, I'm falling in love with old Leon and you know what, Sweetheart, he's a better, tighter fuck than you will ever be. He even uses his body to fuck me back with his sweet cowboy ass and don't lay there like a piece of dead meat. He makes better love to me than you ever did, and when I kiss him he don't taste like I's suck'n on the butt-end of yore' last cigarette. He sucks my old cayuse like a starving hound dog goes after a juicy bone. You wouldn't even go down on me, but the very best part is, he don't never insist on doing his nails while I fuck him, and he don't turn to me and ask if I'm through yet," Pete nailed her.
"That's disgusting. Just as I suspected. Like father like sons," she spat back.
"And you done the same damn thing to our daughters. You turned them into hate-filled ignorant harridans like yourself who can't think or reason for themselves. I'm hope'n it ain't too late for sweet Sally Goodin," Pete said, "Talk at you later, you Jesus hump'n bitch. Good luck wiff' your ex-con boyfriend. Lemme' know how that works out for you after the first time he gives you a much needed fundamentalist-style obedient wife correction session. You get my check every month. That's enough. Time is money, and I done wasted enough on your sorry fat ass for today," he added and disconnected.
Pete lied to Janice about him and Leon. They hadn't even made it to first base, but his reaction to his harridan of an ex-wife made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It was a comfortable feeling; a feeling he could live with. He stood up to her, and in essence, expressed his desire for the future. He was proud of himself, and he wasn't the least bit ashamed. Should he let Leon make the first move or should he level with the big cowboy and tell him his true feelings for him? Would it mess up or kill a good friendship? Leon was about the only person in Pete's world he felt close enough with to share his thoughts and feelings. Was he using Leon and not giving him much in return? Maybe a trip to Billyville would make up for some of Pete's lack of sensitivity toward his workmate. Pete thought longingly but remorsefully about his old school buddy, Snuffy Ragweed, and how shabby he treated him. Would he do the same with Leon if another woman came along? He dismissed the thought immediately. Snuffy was a hard lesson, but he wouldn't let the memory of his love for his buddy die in vein. He would never be that cold blooded again. If he was lucky enough to gain Leon for a partner, the big cowboy would be the last for Pete, and with any luck, the best. Leon called to tell him he was on his way. Pete smiled to himself when he thought he just might have time to change the sheets on his bed before Leon got there.
* * * * * * *
May I please have my demon Sun Bears join us," Billy said loudly and clapped his hands together like a production manager calling an act on stage to perform. His dozen small bat-like creatures, six male and six females, flew into the chamber and began to circle around Billy with their black leathery wings. They each had small red pitchforks and looked like a staging of the ride of the Valkyries done by the Muppets. Billy had to find some way of adding Wagner's music. It would be the perfect touch for a Gothic dungeon setting. He was having a field-day letting his creative juices run wild. He had unlimited talent to draw from. All he had to do was spend a couple of hours pulling it together. If it didn't sober Womack and Crocker up, it would probably bore them to death. Either way, Billy figured it would be a win-win situation for him. He would accomplish his purpose, and it would be an entertaining show for his family. After all, he reminded himself, 'Hell' is in the eye of the beholder or a permanently stagnant mental state for those who choose not to progress from life experience, learning, or reason. They keep doing the same things expecting different results. Billy hoped to create such a surreal setting and trial-by-fire it would throw a large spanner in each man's limited works.
Clarence Womack and Kit Crocker were fast asleep and knew nothing of what was about to happen. They wouldn't stir until Billy released them and called for them to awaken. He figured correctly, a long rest would be a good release for both men to reset their brains from the trauma of the early afternoon – Womack in particular. While his body was completely restored, his psyche, like Lucy, had a lot of 'splain'n' to do to the rest of his brain. Everything was like a lake of quick-sand with alluvial thoughts rising and sinking, bumping into each other in a scrambled jumble of sordid memories. Billy considered getting an old empty specimen jar and taping a label around it which would read: Abby-Normal. He decided it would be too much of 'this world' and the joke probably would be wasted on the likes of Womack and Crocker. Modern movie trivia was not their strong suit.
Billy repeated the two names – Womack and Crocker – several times to himself. Together they sounded like an old movie slap-stick comedy duo like Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello, who would fit right into a Mummer's play with a couple of stately Morris dances to a devilish Bach Gavotte thrown in for good measure to lift it from the mundane to a work of low or questionably dodgy-art. Low-in-brow du jour; a border brew without hops or scotch. He crossed referenced in his mind the Artful Dodger, Kirt Gibson, hunk-a-rama, of the winning 88 LA demonic-baseball team and the Artful Dowager Empress as played by Zelma Redbone – the I-gotcha-covered girl – with a big catcher's mitt standing ready, deep in Billy's left field patiently awaiting the winning pop fly in the bottom of the ninth. Were these mental knee-plays conceptual or so much redundant flotsam and jetsam which failed to be flushed by his last enhancement? Or were they red-sprites of electrical energy above and beyond the synaptic storms which sometimes raged in his fertile brain. He hoped so. They became the salt and pepper of his inner world – the daily spices of living a fully creative life.
* * * * * * *
Pete Breedlove was in a good mood when Leon pulled into the area in front of his double-wide trailer on the large ranch just South of town. Pete managed to land a damn good living arrangement for himself. About a year after he got his shit together and stopped drinking, a wealthy land owner who inherited several thousand acres of prime hill country, wild, undeveloped, never cleared brush country, was looking for a caretaker to look after the main house and grounds of the property in an even exchange for living in a decent double-wide trailer previously used as a ranch foreman's dwelling. There was a large bunkhouse as well, but it was only used during hunting season. The owner and his family would come several times during the hunting season but never stayed very long. Other hunters would pay to stay in the bunk house and hunt for a weekend. Pete handled the payments and kept records. He kept the deer feeders stocked and set out salt licks for them. Most of the hunters had been coming there for years and knew the owner and his family well. It was Pete's job to clean up the place after they left and some of them were pigs. Pete didn't care. It was a God-send situation for a man who was paying child support and trying to get by on his own.
Pete worked hard on his trailer and fixed it up nice. He wasn't one to live in clutter and filth. He never said anything, but Janice was one of the worst housewives he could imagine. There was shit thrown all over their house, and she rarely changed the bedsheets. Pete ventured he had just a little more in common with his gay son than he wanted to admit. Of all the kids, Oatie's room was always immaculate, clean, and neat. Oatie had a routine he did every Saturday morning which took him a couple of hours, but when he finished he had a fresh room to live in for the rest of the week. Pete adopted his boy's technique and found, if he got into a routine, his trailer was easily maintained.
"Nice place, Pete," Leon said.
"Thanks, I done a lot of work on it, and I've tried to make it feel like home," Pete replied, "Damn, you clean up good, Cowboy," Pete added.
"Ya' ain't so bad yore'self, Pod'na," Leon returned the compliment and smiled.
"Leave your truck here. It will be safe. We'll take mine. The guard cattle know my truck and will let us pass," Pete said nonchalantly.
"Guard cattle?" Leon asked.
"You have to witness it for yourself, Leon. When my dad told me we had to get out 'cause he wanted to introduce me to the two lead bulls of the guard cattle what guard the front gate of the Daniels' ranch, I though he was playing a cowboy trick on me. He weren't. I liked to shit ma' Wranglers after they talked back to us," Pete said.
"No!" Leon exclaimed.
"C'moan, you'll see for yourself, Buckaroo," Pete allowed and grinned real big.
They pulled into the front gate and over the cattle guard onto the Daniels' Ranch, and sure enough, there were cattle milling about the road in large numbers. Leon laughed nervously. Pete stopped his truck for a minute and waved to the large bulls, but they didn't move. "They got two new lead bulls on duty. The other two know me. Guess we gotta' get out and introduce ourselves to them, Pod'na," Pete said.
The two cowboys got out of the truck and walked the short distance. "Mr. Yates – Mr. Dunn, I'm Pete Breedlove, Elmer Breedlove's son, and this here's ma' work partner and friend, Mr. Leon Tollefson. We's expected up to the big house for supper and to visit my daughter, Sally," Pete said with his hat in his hand. Leon took off his hat when Pete did.
"Sorry we didn't move, sir. We recognized your truck. We seen you before and know who you are, but we were told to double check everyone this evening. It seems your daddy don't want your ex-wife visiting out here," Yates replied and Leon grinned.
"I understand, sir, I don't want her out here either. She can be a pain in the butt sometimes," Pete agreed with Yates.
"We got confirmation from our boss, sir. You and your guest get back in your truck, and we'll part for you, Mr. Breedlove. Sorry for the inconvenience, sir" Dunn said, "And welcome to the Daniel's ranch, Mr. Tollefson. We hope your enjoy your visit, sir," he added.
"Thank you, Mr. Dunn, I'm sure I will," Leon replied.
The cattle parted and the cowboys drove on up to the compound of the ranch.
"That was interesting," Leon said and grinned.
"Ya' ain't seen nothing yet, Cowboy," Pete said and grinned.
There were several folks waiting for them including Elmer and Vox. Everyone knew Pete's work partner, but he introduced Leon to them again.
"You got here just in time. We's going in to wake Sally, and her attendant, Helen Kirkendall, will get her ready to have supper with us. Billy and Oatie want Sally to get up and get a little exercise this evening," Elmer said.
"Where is Oatie?" Pete asked.
"Him, Jethro, and Billy are down to Captain Nick's ship in the dungeon of the castle. They's cook'n up a Hell-on-Earth judgment center for Kit Crocker and Clarence Womack. If you men can stay for a while, we been invited to watch the show. It will be videoed and sent to a large hall in the castle with an enormous holo-vid screen what will be like being there," Elmer explained.
"You mean they actually brought Womack back to life, Dad?" Pete asked in awe.
"Me and Vox were two of his power sources to channel the plasma he needed to resurrect the fat little reprobate. We watched it happen. Don't know's I'd be so charitable, but you gotta' know Billy. He's convinced he can find the good in anybody and tap into it to make them a better person. I think he's in for a major disappointment with Clarence Womack," Elmer declared.
They went in to see Sally. She was awake, fully dressed, and sitting in a chair talking quietly with Helen Kirkendall. Sally was wearing a beautiful full gown she picked out from the Kate Daniels collection which was stored in the the room. It was the same bedroom Vox and Rox used for many years. Helen did Sally's hair up in formal swirl on the back of her head, used some of the community cosmetics they found in the dresser and various other places. Sally looked stunning. She certainly didn't look like she just suffered a physical trauma from being shot with a .45 caliber bullet. She looked up and saw her daddy, and opened her arms to him.
"Oh, Daddy, I'm so glad you're here," she said and broke into tears.
"There, there, Princess, of course I'm here. Dad called me at noon and told me you were in good hands. I told him I'd be out here as soon as I could. I brought the other lead cowboy at the feed lot with me, my work-buddy, Leon Tollefson," Pete said.
Sally broke away from her dad, and offered her small hand to Leon, "I've seen you around town, Mr. Tollefson, and admired you from afar, but we've never been introduced. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, sir," Sally said with a mature genuineness for which Leon was not prepared.
"It's an honor and a privilege to meet you, Miss Sally, I've heard a lot about you. Your daddy speaks highly of you and tells me of his love for you. He's very proud of you, ma'am," Leon said.
"And I'm very proud of him and pleased he has such a fine gentleman for a work-partner and friend," Sally said.
Pete was stunned by his daughter. She never seemed so open and radiant before. She was always rather quiet and shy to the point of being mousy. Here she was a stunningly fine looking young woman who radiated health and goodness. Could being separated from her mother and older sister have something to do with her sudden transition, or was it part of an enhancement he was sure her older brother probably gave her? Either way, Pete's love and admiration for his youngest child was at maximum overload. Pete looked at Elmer and he knew his dad noticed as he shrugged his shoulders as if he was as puzzled as Pete. Then Pete noticed a smile on Helen Kirkendall's face which was one of a proud older aunt who was chaperoning her young niece, introducing her to society for the first time, and was proud of her comportment.
Sally smiled at Leon, gently hooked her arm in his, looked him in the eye, and spoke, "Will you be so kind as to walk me into the kitchen for supper, Mr. Tollefson?" she asked.
"It would be a great honor, Miss Sally, but please, call me Leon, ma'am," Leon said.
"The honor is mine, Leon," she replied, and they began to walk to the door.
Pete looked at Elmer with a big shit-eating grin on his face, bowed, and offered his arm to his dad. Elmer bowed, took, Pete's arm, offered his right arm to Vox, and they walk to supper behind the big cowboy and Sally Goodin Breedlove.
"Isn't Helen joining us for supper, Pa?" Pete asked Elmer.
"She don't need organic food like we do, Son. She gets her nourishment from the sun and occasionally when she asks, one of the cowboy angels will feed her a good meal from the living plasma-energy they collect. Vox and I have fed her a couple of times, and I know Ms. Kate and Zelma Redbone feed her regularly. I'm sure Bubba and Jack are supplying her with what she needs when she's over to the Kirkendall ranch," Elmer replied.
They walked into the kitchen area and Sally was swamped by Kate, Zelma, Roz, Dorcas, and a couple of other lady helpers. They were complimentary and Sally seemed like she was eating up their love and approval like a sponge. She never found such encouragement from her mother or her sister. They were constantly picking at her and berating her for not living up to their invented standards of how a young celibate woman should look and conduct herself. Sally just gave up, withdrew inside herself, and became a bookworm. It was her escape from the personal disguise she lived with every day. She wore thick heavy glasses because she read so much, but since Oatie healed her, she no longer needed glasses. She became transformed at the Daniels' ranch in more ways than one.
Talk was lively around the table and Sally asked if Billy, her brother, and his mate would be joining them for supper. "No, Dear, they have a project going on at a place on our ranch south of here, and they must finish before nightfall. There is a small local village with some wonderful folks who love Billy, Jethro, and Oatie. They will be having supper with them, but you will see them tomorrow. Have you given any thought to what you would like to do?" Kate asked.
"Yes, Mrs. Daniels, I have. I turn eighteen in June and will be considered an adult in Texas. That's less than two months away. I'm going to impose on my granddad, if he will be so kind, to let me move in with him. I don't feel comfortable living with my mother and sister anymore. I appreciate your kind offer to come live with you and your family. It's a great temptation, but I'm embarrassed to say, I wouldn't want to expose you folks to my family. Granddad won't put up with their nonsense, and I can live with a modicum of peace and feeling of well-being at his place. I have one more year of high school and Aunt Helen has offered to tutor me in areas I'm lacking. Oatie has offered to send me to college if I want, but I won't make a decision until I graduate and see how my grades are for my last year. I might decide I don't want to go to college," Sally said with conviction.
"Of course you can move in with me, young lady. I would be happy to have you stay with me, but you do understand I'll be marrying Vox this June?" Elmer asked.
"I know about it, and you have my approval and best wishes, Granddad. Aunt Helen explained about Vox and his sister to me, and it seems perfectly acceptable to me. It certainly won't be to my mother and sister, but I don't plan to tell them any more than what they need to know. I will have two granddads and a bonus grandma to help me become a lady of substance and compassion. How lucky can one young woman be?" Sally said and laughed.
Sally won the hearts around the Daniels' table that evening and returned to her room to get an early start to bed. The rest of the men around the Daniels table left for Captain Nick's ship. Only a few transported to the ranch house for supper. Nathan, and Tron came, but the rest of Billy's guests stayed on Captain Nick's ship to enjoy the exotic cuisine prepared by the village people. No one went hungry.
It was Leon's first exposure to cowboy-angels. He listened to Pete tell him about it, but he couldn't imagine. Like everyone who never experienced it before, he gasped when Elmer, Vox, Nathan, and Tron disappeared and reappeared fully fledged. He was even more stunned when he found a couple of the ladies winged-up to take their people to Captain Nick's ship for whatever entertainment Billy was cooking up for his guests and family. Leon was even more impressed by transporting from one place to another. It was rather physically exhilarating, and it tickled him from his nose to his toes. Everyone in the Daniels' party were wowed at the size of the hall and the number of people there. Not just your everyday cowboys, but the strange and different creatures of the town folks. Billy invited anyone who wanted to attend, and there were vendors set up on the sides to offer free treats to anyone who wanted anything. It was another party atmosphere in which the villagers so loved to take part. Leon and Pete saw some new, strange, but wonderful characters. They fell in love with the new group of Sun Bears and thought they were the most beautiful creatures they ever saw.
The guests, including the village people, were offered sweet herb spiced tea before the show began. They were warned the herbs were mentally enhancing and allowed one's senses to become heightened. It wasn't nearly as strong a dose as Nick and his cabin family were used to, but it certainly did the trick to get the audience in the mood for something out of the ordinary. It threw stuffy mores out the window and opened people to new experiences. The effect it had on any one person would depend on how much they decided to drink, but most wanted the full effect, and it could only be accomplished by three mugs of the steaming brew. By the time the overture began, they were primed, happy, and ready as the Romans were for the lions to be released into the arena filled with Christians. Clyde acted as master of ceremony in the huge auditorium. He had a microphone strapped to his head which contained an ear piece as well. He was being fed information the same time he was imparting it to the gathered audience.
* * * * * * * *
Billy had his two grooms, Mace and Picard, clean Clarence and Kit from stem to stern. They were both in a plasma induced state of deep sleep. They never woke up while being processed. Billy had his grooms insert a medium size butt plug in Womack's ass; the same size with which he started training Orville. He wanted Clarence to be uncomfortable for a while. He was strapped to his bench in a sitting position facing the front of the huge room where there was an enormous golden throne. Billy ordered Crocker cleaned inside and out. He didn't want cowboy bullshit soiling his clean dungeon if Crocker's bowels decided to get excited from the show. He ordered his grooms to leave both men without clothes. Being naked before others, whether they were naked themselves or not, is an intimidating experience. Billy called forth Crocker and Womack from their sleep. As might be expected, Crocker came to more quickly than Womack, jumped up from his seat, discovered he was naked, exclaimed "What the fuck!" and tried to cover his sizable member with his hands.
"Move your hands, Crocker!" Billy demanded, "Ain't nobody gonna' see you but us demons. We's naked. Besides, you ain't got nothing to be ashamed of; you's hung like a young pony," Billy said firmly and Crocker did as he was told.
"How come you demons talk like cowboys?" he asked.
"You talk like a cowboy. Why can't we talk like cowboys? You got some'um agin the way cowboys talk, boy?" Billy challenged.
"Oh, no, sir! No siree, sir! Not at all, Mr. Demon! I just never thought demons would talk like me, sir," Crocker replied.
"They don't all talk this away. We's Texas demons, Son. We became demons after we left Texas and come here to Hell. T'weren't really much of a change for us. It's just as hot in Texas as it is here. Hell far? We fit right in," Billy said and laughed. His audience, following the show in the other room went crazy laughing at his nonsense.
"My God, did you bring the preacher back to life?" Crocker asked disgusted looking over to see Womack moving his head like he was trying to get his bearing to make sense of where he was.
"Yeah, we done resurrected him to meet our demon daddy, Lucifer, and to received his just reward for being a really evil bastard on Earth. Just think, you'll get to see the Devil his'self pronounce judgment on him. Will that be enough revenge for you, Cowboy?" Billy asked.
"Is that why I'm here? I didn't think I done enough bad things in my life to warrant go'n to Hell except shoot'n Clarence Womack. I guess that was a major one, but gotdamn it, he deserved it! 'At sum'bitch! I trusted him, and damn his eyes, he done went and fucked my woman!" Crocker exclaimed.
"He fucked at least half a dozen other men's wives we know about, but they didn't shoot him," Billy said in an accusing manner.
"That's because us cuckold cowboys got together and drawed straws. We's all sent the same damn video. What can I tell you?" Crocker asked shrugging his huge shoulders, "I picked the short straw," he lamented.
"Well, you ain't exactly inside Hell, Son. You's in one of the sub-dungeons of Hell where we take really bad humans like Womack, resurrect them, let them face their accusers, and stand before our master," Billy explained to Crocker, "But first we's gonna' have us a little fun before our master, Lucifer the beautiful, Satan the terrible, gets here," Billy added, "Oh, and before I fergit. I need to alter you just a bit," Billy said to Crocker as he moved before him. He waved his hand over Crocker's head and two large horns grew from the top front of his skull. They made him look like a young Longhorn bull.
"What the – ?" Crocker reached up and felt his horns. "You gimme' a set of horns? Why?" he asked.
"You used the word, 'cuckold.' It just reminded me, all cuckolds in Hell gotta' wear them horns. It's the law. One of our Bossman's right hand men, his favorite bro-friend, is Jesus's step-dad, Joseph. Yeah, that's right! Joseph the carpenter from Judea. He has to wear a pair of them horns because was cuckold by Jehovah," Billy explained, "It will help our master keep track of the players and since he thinks on Joseph as his main snuggle-up when the nighttime temps drop into the low hundreds here in Hell, he looks favorably upon cuckold husbands. He just may cut you some slack, Cowboy. He can be a bit forgetful at times, but them horns will remind him. For all his faults, we love our big demon-daddy anyway. We do our best to make his job as easy as possible for him. Us demons what serve our master are quite fond of him.
"I just know you're gonna' love him," Billy said, "he's your type of guy: pig-headed, close-minded, bigoted, racist, homophobic, mean-spirited, and he believes in an eye for an eye, and never, ever, lend a hand to the poor or downtrodden unless you first get their signature on a binding contract loaded with loop-holes in your favor what says they become your property for eternity if they slip-up or default. You know, wink-wink, the old tits-in-a-wringer-balls-in-a-bind sort of thing, nudge-nudge. All very legal but devilishly complex.
"Lord, if we didn't know him better we'd think he was a corporate republican theocrat; however, believe it or not, even our dear old Satan has something no republican ever had – a conscience," Billy declared, "The poor old dear cries a lot when he watches them condemned sinners march off the fifty meter board into that big lake of fire for their first taste of damnation, but we do our best to cheer him up a bit with his favorite musician critters playing a Hellaciously lively tune and others to entertain him with spritely dances," Billy added.
The big cowboy possessed limited concentration. "Please, sir, is there a way I can take a peek? I just gotta' see my horns you gimme,'" Crocker begged. Billy almost broke up laughing at Kitty Crocker's childlike enthusiasm, but he he turned his head and coughed in his hand instead. His audience in the auditorium roared with laughter.
"Mace – Picard, take Mr. Crocker over to that big mirror and let him get a good like at his'self and them fine set of horns I give him," Billy commanded his grooming demons.
The audience and Billy watched as the big cowboy lumbered over to the mirror. He didn't cringe in horror like most thought he might. His reflection in the mirror made him stand taller, hold his head high as he turned one way then the other to admire himself. His cock started growing until it became so hard it slapped against his belly when he walked. Everyone in the audience was going nuts laughing at the cowboy who obviously was very proud of himself and his new set of horns. He grinned real big as he walked back over to Billy with an exaggerated cowboy swagger in his stride slinging one big foot and then the other.
"I think I just might enjoy my visit to Hell, Mr. Demon. I damn sure like them horns you gimme. Thank you, sir," Crocker said.
"You really like them? I hadn't noticed," Billy said looking down at the big cowboy's erection and grinned.
"I'm ready to meet your Bossman, sir!" he exclaimed and stuck out his chest like a popinjay.
"I will summon him in a moment, but first we must make sure our main guest is awake and aware of where he is," Billy said and walked over to Womack, "Quit playing possum, Clarence, and open you eyes, or I will give you a shock to your balls what will make your eyeballs hurt," Billy warned.
"Where? Where am I? Pray tell me, where I am?" Clarence asked weakly like Blanche Dubois awakening from a fifty-megaton hangover waving a white kerchief.
"Oh, Bur-ruther!" Billy exclaimed, "There ain't a thing wrong with you, Clarence. Unlike Humpty-Dumpty, I managed to put your sorry ass back to together again myself, and I'd know if you were the least uncomfortable," Billy said, "Well, maybe you's just a tad uncomfortable 'cause I filled your poop shoot with a rubber husband. Sorry 'bout that. We got you plugged to avoid accidents, but you'll soon adjust," he added.
"I remember dying and your ugly demon face was the last thing I remember seeing!" Womack exclaimed.
"Woah, easy on the nasty comments, you failed god-bot. Us demons got feelings, too, ya' know. We don't look upon your kind as winning no beauty prize – especially a porker like you. I can think of all sorts of analogies to ugly animals you might resemble," Billy said and he was sure he could hear his audience laugh. "Go ahead on! Take a guess, Clarence. Where do you think you are?" Billy asked.
"It's awful damn hot in here, but I wouldn't venture a guess," Womack replied, "What's he doing here?" Clarence asked accusingly looking at Kit Crocker.
"Don't you think your murderer should be here to face judgment?" Billy asked playing with the preacher.
"Yes. No. Hell, I don't know. I'm confused. This ain't what I expected. I ain't worried though, God and his angels will come for me and take me away with them. I'm a man of God, you know?" he asked confidently.
"Don't bet the food-for-the-poor fund on it, Preacher. Oh, but wait! You don't have a food-for-the-poor fund, do you? Many would say you don't represent any god but Satan, and since it's taken your absent god more than two millennium to do anything, we say our demon-dad is as much a god as yours. You think God's angels are gonna' rescue the likes of you? Don't make me laugh. Besides, you's currently in a no-god/no angel fly zone," Billy said and grinned wickedly.
"Ah, ah-ha, humma-luna-shellac-alooma-boo-boo-bitter-rita-meter-reader-momma-beater-who-ha-walla-walla-bing-bang!" Womack shouted in a gargle of extempore glossolalia.
"Can it, Clown, or I'll arrange to have a house fall on your wicked ass. Your words have no power here. You ain't got no dumb parishioners to lay that crap on except maybe Hello Kitty Crocker here, and I don't think he's in any mood to listen to your bullshit," Billy said.
"Amen! Testify, Mr. Demon!" Crocker bellowed.
"Easy Scout! Steady, Big Fellow! Them horns is nice on you, but don't let 'um go to your head!" Billy shot back to Crocker. "Oh, I forgot! They's already on yore' head! Sorry about that!" he added. "Now it's time to call our master to pass judgment on you humans," he added.
When Billy approached Billy Gog Groats to play the part of Lucifer, the giant laughed; not just a little, either. They almost couldn't get him settled down. Gog thought it was a great idea, but when Billy talked with him about his appearance, Billy explained he wanted him to look like a Kagoli demon whom they were using as a pattern.
"Shouldn't Satan look more fearsome and scary than you handsome demons?" Gog asked.
"What chu' got in mine, Big'un?" Billy asked like Arnold to his brother Willis Jackson.
Gog wowed Billy and his family with about fifteen or twenty different demons he ran across in his travels and his time in Irin prisons. One in particular stood out from all the rest which had an humongous red body, black cloven-hooves, a muscled-out torso to make the most dedicated pumper swoon with envy, and a set of horns on him like a Cape Horn Buffalo. It was more than Billy expected, but it was perfect to scare the crap out of Womack and Crocker. Gog was so convincing in his demonic form he could even make smoke come out his nares when he breathed and his mouth when he spoke. He became the demon to end all demons. Captain Nick said he only saw one other demon of that form, and while they were incredibly fearsome to look upon, they were in reality, gentle creatures. Gog promised he would roar and bellow to make them shake in their boots. He gave his master and associates a brief demonstration. Everyone was convinced he would make a great Satan. Gog reminded Billy of Bottom the Weaver in his eager excitement and anticipation of walking the boards as Pyramus.
Billy clapped his hands together for attention. "Bring forth our musicians and acrobats!" he said, and from every nook and cranny around the room came halflings and dwarfs carrying instruments who formed a group on the far left-hand side of the huge dungeon area. All players and acrobats were made up to look like demons, even though most couldn't morph like Billy and certain members of his family. They were followed by the acrobats, naked as the day they were born. The acrobats wore bells on their legs, ankles, around their arms, wrists, and made a pleasing sound as they jumped about, twisted, turned, and flipped through the air with ease. It was quite an entrance and got applause from Billy's viewing audience. They were quite good.
"My God, you mean Hell is like a vaudeville show?" Womack bellowed.
"Hesh up, sinner! They ain't here for your enjoyment. They're here to please our master and to keep his mind in a mellow mood so's he don't go all-batshit-crazy on your ass. This may be your last chance to enjoy life, and whatever you do, don't be smart-mouthed with his Eminence. Enjoy life while you can! One false move on your part, and you'll be on the menu for a barbecue this evening," Billy admonished him.
Kit Crocker sat in his designated chair and was fascinated by everything he saw. He was like a little boy watching a forbidden sideshow at a carnival midway. The more Billy observed Crocker and swapped exchanges with him, he was convinced Kitty Crocker, for some unknown reason, was never allowed to grow up. There was a little boy inside him who desperately longed to live in the world of grownups but just didn't know how. Billy wasn't immune to Kit Crocker's physical attributes. He was a hyper-masculine, big, lumbering beefy cowboy with enough between his legs to be considered Grade-A prime husband-beef on the hoof. Billy couldn't imagine Crocker's wife lusting after Womack over her husband, unless Crocker was just so damn dumb and vacuous she longed for a little more mental stimulation than he was capable of providing, and she was able to rationalize her part as doing the work of the Lord to let his prophet-for-non-profit come into her and receive his blessing.
On the other hand, Billy realized his own prejudices. Not only was he was a sucker for big, dumb, good looking cowboys, but he was also the first to admit he had a soft spot in his heart for them. Maybe Crocker just bored his wife to the tits. Perhaps he was more interested in cleaning his gun collection, preaching the to-be-armed-and-ready gospel to anyone who would give him the time-of-day, and much too busy working on his image as the last American cowboy, he forgot or never learned how to be a decent husband. Some men never progress past high school. Remember to attend your fiftieth high school reunion and you will understand. The sagging, wrinkled, paunched, bald, football heroes wear their letter jackets as a less than subtle put-down for the hoi polloi; still living the final orbit of their faded glory like a doomed star caught in the event horizon of a black hole -- death.
Billy wondered if people sometimes became so desperate in their singular lives (all lives as a singularity) rather than commit suicide to escape what they see as a dead-end relationship, they do something so out-of-line it would throw a cog in the works to change their lives forever. The 'anything-would-be-better' than the current status quo phenomenon. Change, evolve, or die. While it may be true we are capable of creating our own singularities, we sometimes long for the big bang to get us out of a bad orbit. Clarence Womack was not the answer. He was simply a catalyst. A dark star which sucked in everything within its grasp. It can never get enough. It can never be filled. It's just a phenomenon of nature – shit happens.
Clarence complained he was thirsty and Billy had his grooms prepare a couple of large flagons of sweetened, iced, spiced, herb-spiked tea for them. He wanted both men to see the situation under a slightly altered mental state, and Hank and Buck's herbs were just the ticket. The musicians and acrobats took their places to wait to be called by Master Billy. Billy next called the the Devil's Advocate (Joe, the blue giant, in demon form) and Grover Parsnip as the Earthly counselor for both Womack and Crocker. Grover was the only human allowed to wear clothes, and he cut a handsome figure in his new clothes, hat, and boots to say nothing of looking twenty years younger. The viewing audience cheered for Grover.
"Wait a minute!" Womack exclaimed, "I hired Mr. Parsnip to be my attorney, but now he's representing both me and my murderer before a satanic court? Ain't that a conflict of interest? And how come he looks so much younger? Is he doing a double gig?" Clarence asked.
"It probably would be considered a conflict in a court on Earth, Clarence, but if you ain't noticed, this ain't Earth. This is the nether region of Hell. It's perfectly legal in our dark master's court. Mr. Parsnip had to be enhanced to appear in Hell. We didn't want him to have to suffer death twice for the likes of you. We made a sweetheart deal with him to give him approximately thirty more productive years to live in exchange for his soul when he finally expires. Since all attorneys automatically go to Hell anyways, we thought it would be a win-win situation for bowfus. Besides, with one attorney, we get to kill two birds with one stone. Beg pardon, Mr. Parsnip, no disrespect intended, sir. You probably ain't never been stoned in your life," Billy said and lost it for a minute. He turned his head to laugh. Grover got the biggest grin on his face.
"'At's all right, Son. I know'd ju's jes' do'n yore' job," Grover poured on the cowboy lingo, and put his hand on Billy to comfort the young demon. The audience went crazy laughing at Billy and Grover's exchange.
Billy went on to further explain the huge giant with horns similar to the ones he gave Kitty Crocker was, indeed, Joseph, the biblically famous step-father of Jesus. Unfortunately, the bible doesn't record the fact Joseph was sent to Hell for rejecting religion altogether after he found out he was cuckold by Yahweh or Jehovah (aka God, better known as the Big Kahuna) Joseph was forced to wear the horns of a cuckold to let everyone know his wife was unfaithful to him. Mary's infidelity to him was just too much for the poor old peasant carpenter to handle, and he rejected all forms of religion. He tried worshiping the golden bull idols of Baal for a while, but that didn't work out for him. He got into some new age religions who worshiped Krishna and another what worshiped Mithra who was born of another virgin, was crucified, dead, buried, and arose again in three days, but Joseph never seemed to feel at ease or totally embraced the concepts or dogma of other myths. He was born a Jew, and everyone knows there ain't no such thing as being a Jew in name only.
Joseph discovered most gods were domineering and petty, expecting everything from the individual while giving nothing tangible in return – only promises. Sort of like modern day 401 accounts or union pension plans in the control of corporate power. Joseph didn't realize how high-profile his part was in everything from the demon's point of view until he died. They welcomed him into Hell with open arms and gave him a princely position as the big heathen-honcho's right hand demon-bro; Satan's bestest depraved boyfriend. While still on Earth, Joseph found peace of mind in his work as a carpenter. He didn't need a god. The churchy side had little or nothing to say about Joseph's part in Jesus's birth other than he was Mary's husband. (A bit part player, in name only, we're suppose to assume.) It's never fully explained from whom Jesus inherited the linage of David, from his mother or his dad. Assuming there was no exchange of DNA between Joseph and Mary, we must conclude Jesus got his link to King David from his mother, Mary. King David was reported to have eight wives and ten concubines, so the math is on Mary's side for the possibility of having some small amount, a soupçon perhaps, of DNA from David might be possible.
However, nowhere in the scriptures does it refer to Jesus as Jehovah's bastard son. Billy wondered why? Jesus is, however, spoken of as Mary's son – unlikely in an early patriarchal society where women were looked upon as the property of their husbands. And how did Mary become known as the blessed virgin when the bible states Jesus had elder brothers and sisters? You don't need to know why. Just believe. You must have faith. Stop asking questions, put on them rose colored glasses, and keep on dancing. Selah! Jesus wept. Joseph didn't. He found a comfortable home in Hell. There was never a dull moment, and he found Lucifer, or Satan, a prince among demons and one Hell of a loving companion.
"Hear ye! Hear ye! We are gathered here to stand before our dark master to convene his court. Let all who can hear my voice bow down before our demon master, the great and powerful, Satan, also once known as the brightest angel in heaven as Lucifer the bearer of light, goodness, virtue, learning, reason, charity, humility, and social responsibility. Get ready to welcome a really great guy, currently known as the prince of evil, our very own beloved Beelzebub. Give it up, folks! Let's let him know we really love the big guy!" Joe, in the role of Joseph, said, like he was narrating a Jerry Lewis March of Dimes special.
The musicians played a fanfare, beat their tam-tams, shook their tambourines, and everyone cheered as Satan appeared in a flash of fire and smoke from a trap door under the stage to stand before his people. Billy Gog Groats was spectacular in his role as Satan. If you didn't know, Gog appeared to be about the most gut wrenching demon one might imagine in his or her worst nightmare. Clarence Womack's reaction? "Jesus! What a hokey entrance! Who staged this piece of crap? This is bad Mel Brooks at best or good Monty Python at worst," he declared.
"Shut up, Clarence! You wanna' be pate' on his dinner table tonight?" Billy asked, "He dearly loves fat meat – especially long-pork slowly roasted over sulfur-pots filled with mesquite and rosemary," Billy added. Billy's audience in the auditorium were laughing their asses off.
"Can you believe this? This is just bizarre," Leon leaned over and whispered to Pete between laughs.
"There's nothing sacred with these men. They's cowboys to the bone. They work hard, help those in need, do what they can, but they won't never pass up a chance to have a good time," Pete replied. Hold on to your hat, Buckaroo, they's no tell'n what them men got dreamed up for them two, but I can promise you, it will be funny and just," Pete replied and laughed again.
Thor and Zeus materialized by Satan's side in Kagoli form with their huge black leathery wings spread in transport mode. They lowered their bat-like wings and bowed to their master. They each offered him a hand to escort him to his throne. Satan took his seat on the huge golden throne and glared out into the audience. "We only got two on the docket for this evening, Sweetie-pie?" he asked growling lovingly to his number one head demon.
"Yes, your Majesty, a preacher from Mason, Texas, who claims to be the only true man of God in his community and says he speaks with the supreme-being regularly who tells him what to do and how to advise the members of his congregation, Sire," Joseph said.
"More holy shit? Lemme' guess. The preacher's the small fat succulent just-ripe-for-slow-roast'n on a spit – the one sitting there with a bored look on his face," Satan said. "Perhaps we should teach him a lesson or freshen up his iced tea for him! Cake or death?" Satan spat out toward Womack and smoke billowed from his nares and mouth. The herb-spiked tea was just beginning to take effect, and the preacher almost jumped out of his seat. "Cake, and more tea, please," Clarence said holding up his flagon. The tea was doing the same for Kit Crocker and his eyes doubled in size. He was in awe of the creatures on the stage; Thor and Zeus in particular. He thought they were just about the sexiest critters he ever laid eyes on. Billy had to agree, they were pretty damn spectacular.
"Very well, Cake for everyone!" Satan exclaimed. "Joseph, Darling, why am I unhappy this evening? I'm missing something," the giant beast asked.
"Your children, Master?" Joseph asked.
"Exactly! Where are my beloved demon children?" Satan asked like a plea for his favorite blanket.
"Coordinator Demon! Where is our majesty's children?" Joseph asked Billy.
"He's got children?" Womack asked stunned.
"Yes, demonic children from outer space he adopted. Whatever you men do, don't never say nothing bad about his kids. Holy shit! Sometimes they's the only thing what will get him out of a bad mood and you don't even wanna' witness one of his bad moods. His last bad mood caused that terrible tsunami on Earth what killed thousands of people," Billy said quietly and clapped his hands to signal his staff.
Billy's audio-visual crew cued up the beginning of a recorded version of Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries' they copied from the Internet, and Billy's rag-tag band of village musicians joined in as best they could. Their contribution was somewhat of an overlay to the more serious meticulously recorded orchestral version. Never having heard the piece until a couple of hours before they were called to perform, and with only half a dozen rehearsals, God love them, they did their best, but they didn't hit all the notes. Far from it. The various 'splats,' 'blurps,' and 'bleeps,' were totally out of context to the piece, but that didn't discourage them a bit. They were seasoned troupers. Like heroes fallen in battle, they might be wounded, but they picked themselves up, returned to the fray to valiantly carry on the battle. It brought a down-home feel to the Wagnerian pomposity, and carved Billy Daniels a new asshole of unintended comic delight.
It was sort of like a cross between the little people's performance of 'Me And My Shadow' from Time Bandits and 'Put'n On The Ritz' from Young Frankenstein. A few mistakes didn't stop, discourage, or slow them down. They attacked the piece with wild abandon like it had been in their repertoire for decades, and the wrong notes were suppose to be there. It was Wagner what got it wrong. It was a total disaster, but Billy loved it. His cup of off-beat humor runneth over and spilled over to his family who were rolling in the isles in the auditorium. Billy had tears running down his face and had to turn away least he be caught laughing his ass off; however, cameras don't lie. They pick up everything. They zeroed in on him and Billy's family went crazy laughing, hooting, and applauding the young demon-cowboy and his apocalyptic village band, including his two prodigies, Poly and Cass.
"Wagner? Oooh, pu-leeze! How decadent! How very Neo-Nazi," Clarence said to Billy sarcastically, "A bit melodramatic don't you think?" he accused.
"I thought 'Melody Drama, Queen of the boards,' was your stage name, Clarence," Billy shot back, "Since Wagner resides here in Hell, we don't have to pay royalties on his music," Billy made up an excuse.
"What did old Dickie Wagner do to land himself in Hell?" Clarence asked.
"There was a transfer from Heaven to the warmer climes after so many society matrons dragged their poor spouses kicking and screaming to yet another season and round of Ring operas. Wagner was cursed, defiled, and condemned to Hell by so many husbands with sore butts over the years, he lost his place in paradise and was sent down here to dwell. Here, he gets to enjoy seeing the condemned suffer while they spend an eternity listening to his operas non-stop; the lightest sentence is for a thousand years. It's considered by many demons as the very worst sentence his Badassness can give a sinner," Billy elaborated.
Off in the distance, through some columns right of the staging area you could see the twelve demon sun bears flying in a 'V' formation toward the castle from a distance outside. Billy didn't plan it the way the cameras saw the scene, but it looked like a visual metaphor of the helicopters approaching from 'Apocalypse Now.' The visual effect was not lost on his audience and they laughed even harder. The demon sun bears entered the chamber and began to fly in a circle formation doing acrobatic flips and dips in the air. They were superb athletes and daring agility was their forte. They made several trips around the huge chamber until one by one they settled on and around the biggest demon in the place; their big daddy, Satan. Gog had a huge smile on his face. There was no doubt about their mutual admiration for each other. He dearly loved himself some Sun Bears, and it was obvious they loved him equally in return. Several in Billy's audience went, "Awww," as the small creatures took their places. Two even perched on either side of Gog's huge horns and hung on for dear life.
"Now, I'm happy. I'm a contented demon," Satan said like his soul was at peace, took a deep breath, and expelled more smoke.
"By your leave, your Majesty, we will now hear from the Earth counselor representing the two humans, Mr. Grover Parsnip," Joseph announced.
"Speak, handsome Earthling!" Gog demanded.
"Your majesty, members of the court, and interested critters, it is an honor to be here and stand before you; a unique opportunity, to say the least. I have been placed in an awkward position of representing two humans who have committed crimes against each other of significant proportions. My client Clarence Chester Womack contracted with me on Earth to represent him; however, I have been assigned this gentleman on my left, Mr. Hello Kitty Crocker, as a court appointed attorney. On Earth this would be untenable, but I accept the challenge. I will do my best to represent them both," Grover said strongly.
"Good man! Make a note, Lamb-cakes!" Satan spoke to Joseph, "When this man's time comes to join us, we will prepare a special place for him. In your demon dad's house there are many mansions, Son," Satan growled tenderly.
"Are you sure I'll come to Hell, your Majesty?" Grover asked hesitantly.
"Oh, yes! Absolutely! No question! Most certainly! Without a doubt! Ain't no exceptions! All attorneys go straight to Hell! Cut and dried! Over and out! Selah! It ain't my doing, Son, so don't look fish-eye'd at me. It's a universal law. It's a live by the sword; die by the sword sort of thing. Harump! Harump!" Satan allowed.
"I see," replied Grover, "We'll I guess h'it's good to have friends in low places as well as high, I suppose," he said and leveled Billy's audience watching in the auditorium. Everybody loved the new Grover. He was in his cups and obviously enjoying himself to the max.
* * * * * * *
Bubba nudged Jack and whispered, "Don't worry bro. When it comes our time, I'll suck that big demon's cock while you slip out the back. Jack. I'll do the time for bowfus," he consoled his buddy.
"You's a real pal, Bubba. As Bossman Randy says, 'Womb to tomb' but I got an addendum to it – I'll stick wiff' my bro – through Heaven or Hell," Jack said and laughed.
"You's a good man, Jack," Bubba allowed.
* * * * * * *
"Cut to the chase, Counselor!" Satan demanded.
"Preacher cuckolds cowboy; fucks wife. Cowboy murders Preacher for revenge," Grover said.
"Ah, yes, I see the horns. Nice set of horns, Cowboy. I just love my number one's horns," Satan said, "I have a soft spot for cuckolds," the big demon added.
"Thank you, your Majesty. I know I's suppose to wear them with shame, but I can't help it – a part of me is proud of them," Kitty Crocker replied.
"And well you should be. They's quite handsome," Gog (Satan) said. "I usually don't get into details much, but I can't help be curious about the cowboy's name, Counselor," the dreadful demon said.
"I ain't had much time to speak with my client, but I know'd him all his life and his circumstances. He was born out of wedlock to a woman with some severe mental problems. She suffered from an obsessive/compulsive disorder which can express itself in many ways. One way is to develop addictive personality traits and the addictions can be anything from alcohol, drugs, animals, junk collecting, people, hoarding, and many other things sometimes justified by the term 'hobbies.' Our cowboy's mom was addicted to collecting inane cartoonish cat characters know as Hello Kitty. She spent almost every dime of income she made or was given to her through charitable organizations and welfare to buy these useless trinkets while her boy wore rags and boots so worn he had to put cardboard in them to keep his feet warm in winter.
"She was so obsessed with them cute little icons, she severely neglected her son, but she also thought it would be equally cute to name him after her obsession: Hello Kitty. She even tried to sell the family ranch to buy more trinkets, but several attorneys, including myself, went to her and told her she couldn't negotiate the ranch as long as her son was alive to inherit it. The young boy had as much interest in the ranch as she did, and we would see to it he sued her to stop the sale. Of course we lied through our teeth, but she didn't know, and eventually, Mr. Crocker was able to finally get something of value from his mother. Too bad she had to die before he realized anything of substance from her. I suppose I should probably go to Hell for my part in such an audacious lie and manipulation of the law, so I guess I can understand, and I must agree with you, Master, all attorney's probably should go to Hell," Grover allowed, "However, I suppose the worst condemnation is, I ain't sorry I done it, and if presented with the same situation today, there ain't no doubt in my mind I'd do the same damn thing," Grover added and stood proudly.
"I never knew you done that for me, Mr. Parsnip," Kit Crocker said in awe and appreciation.
"You weren't never suppose to know, Son," Grover said.
"May I ask your client a couple of questions, Counselor?" Satan asked.
"Of course, it's your court, your honor," Grover replied.
"What the Hell were you thinking as a young boy, Son? Didn't anybody take you aside and tell you, you were living with a crazy woman for a mother?" Satan asked.
"Naw, sir. I knew she weren't right in the head, but she was all I had. She was my mother, and I loved her. I never got much guidance from adults other than her until I got old enough to cowboy and then I was so backward socially I made an ass of myself most times. I wanted to escape and have friends but nobody would take the time to get to know me," Crocker replied, "Is she here with you, sir?" he asked and a hush fell over both rooms in the castle.
"I can't tell you, Son. How would any deity, God or Demon, go about condemning someone like your mother who has a mental condition she can't control? If nobody steps in to find her some help, it ain't her fault. The ones what will end up in Hell is them what had the resources and could have helped her but didn't. That don't mean you have to love and forgive her unconditionally, either; however, I suspect you already done forgive her or you wouldn't be so concerned about her whereabouts," Satan said.
"I do. I did. I forgave her. She tried her best to love me, but she just didn't know how, and now I admit I'm a mental cripple myself 'cause I don't know how to become the man I wanna' be. I ain't never been showed the way," Crocker said with tears streaming down his face.
"Don't despair, Son. The first step is admitting you know you got problems. The next step is to find a way to guide you to the right path which will take you where you want to go. Believe it or not, and it's a well kept secret in our part of the cosmos, positive change can and often does bring about salvation," Satan said like a doting father, "Life and Earth are not through with you yet, but better times are coming your way, and you will walk in the light of change, healthy growth, and progress. It will be a long, slow, sometimes painful journey, but you will make it. You will find your bliss. Then, to hold onto it, and assure your place in the continuum of the universe, you must do the same for others like yourself," Satan said like the final verse and word of a holy script.
"Now what about the preacher?" Satan asked.
"Multiple abuses against one man in particular we have conclusive proof. Clarence tried to blackmail a young cowboy to provide him with sensitive information about a financially comfortable family in our county so he could extort money from them. We have videos of him fucking over half a dozen women, the wives of men whose families were members of his congregation. One of which was Kit Crocker's wife," Grover said.
"What's your excuse, Clarence?" Satan roared at Womack.
The herbs were taking full effect on Clarence and he knew there was no getting out of this merry prank. He turned white as a sheet, but his gut level defiance came roaring back, "I done it for the glory of God and his church on Earth. Them wealthy ranchers got more money than they know what to do with. They should be coming to my church and giving money so's I can further the work of our Lord Jesus Christ and his father!" Clarence exclaimed and his words echoed through the castle like empty tin-cans tied to the bumper of the car of two newly weds. Every critter in the dungeon looked at him stunned without blinking that he could be so vain and ignorant.
Suddenly, there was a great light appeared on the dais where Satan, Joseph, and the sun bears were, and five beautiful angels appeared. They were, in reality, Balthazar accompanied by Clyde, Cowboy Andy, Garth, and Mack. They were dressed in their heavy leather harnesses and adapted the leather kilts to their outfits. They were wearing sandals which laced up to the knees. Billy had Balthazar change his wings to black, but he wanted them tinged or outlined in bright gold. It made him look really classy and regal. Billy removed all body jewelry from his ringed angels for their appearance. Clarence was about to shout out to them to rescue him until he saw the lead angel was black. A black archangel? Clarence thought he should think about it.
Balthazar went to Satan who opened his arms for him. "Archangel Balthazar!" Satan exclaimed, "Welcome to the pits, Son. It's so good to see you again. You come on official business or is you just slum'n a bit to touch up your tan, Sweet host?" he asked.
Balthazar laughed, "Both, you old clown! How in Hell have you been, Sweetheart. It's been too damn long, Butch, but you're just as dreadful and disgusting as ever," he returned, and they hugged in a warm embrace.
"Ah, you always could say the nicest things. A Host after me own heart. Now cut it out! You know damn well you lusted after my ass for centuries," Satan accused.
"No! No! I ain't never denied it. I ain't denying it now! I couldn't think of no finer way to spend an evening than between you and your mate. Hello, Joseph. You're looking fine. Love them horns, Dad! On you, they look good!" Balthazar exclaimed and winked at Satan's second.
"It's a real pleasure to see you again, Balthazar," Joseph said, and shook his hand. "You been following our little hearing?" he asked.
"Yeah, we caught it on the Angel-Net and thought we'd come make your job a little easier. You work so hard we thought we'd see if we could lend a helping hand with these two," Balthazar said.
"You're always welcome for whatever reason you can get away," Satan cooed, "Bring comfortable chairs for our guests. Before we deal with our second human, we need a break and some more entertainment. Can we get you a flagon of sweet tea, some 'za and a brewski, or a nice vintage Gewürztraminer made from our finest grapes in our vineyard?" Satan asked.
"I'll have a small taste of the Gewürztraminer, and a small bit of your outstanding stout head-cheese your slaves make. That would be a little bit of Heaven here in Hell," Balthazar said and grinned.
A page took the angel's order and rushed off to fill them.
"Program director, what entertainment do you have for us? I got a feeling, this next hearing is going to leave a bad taste in my mouth, and I think we need something to lift our spirits," Satan said and Clarence Womack let out with an audible groan like he imagined he was doomed.
"Your beloved Sun Bear demons have worked up a new Morris Dance for you, Sire. With your permission, our small group of musicians will play J. S. Bach's Gavotte, one and two, from his Orchestral Suite Number one in C Major BWV 1066. Gentle creatures – " Billy addressed his musicians and the Sun Bears. The cute little creatures were prepared. They lemniscated themselves with bright green and red ribbons on their arms, necks, wrists, and ankles. They flew out from them as they assumed their places for the start of the music. The Maestro started with a nice steady tempo and the Sun Dancers performed flawlessly. The musicians redeemed themselves from their previous torture of Wagner. Their Bach was quick, crisp, and clean. Poly and Cass led the string section, but Billy's wind players were superb and gave the Gavotte the crisp hop it needed to insured the Sun Bears didn't miss a step. It was a personal triumph of the evening for Billy and everyone seemed to enjoy the performance. There was much applause for the players and dancers as they ran to the angels and demons for hugs and kisses; then, they ran to Billy and smothered him with their love.
"For a simple program director, you seem awfully popular with the help, Demon," Clarence observed caustically.
"What can I tell you? We work together as family to keep our Bossman happy and content. You might try being a little less skeptical and a bit more thankful you've been given a second chance at life even if it means your circumstances might drastically change," Billy said.
"I'll take my chances," Womack shot back.
"Fine. Lemme' know how that works out for you, Clarence," Billy said dismissing him.
"Why have you honored us with your presence this evening, Bright Angel?" Satan asked Balthazar.
"We heard about the murder of Clarence Womack and came to see about him," Balthazar replied.
"At last! You've come to rescue me, and take me to heaven with you. Praise God! I knew he would never desert me! I am his messenger on Earth. He needs me!" Womack shouted in triumph.
"Hardly," Balthazar replied, "I'm the highest Archangel in Heaven – " Balthazar started but Clarence interrupted him.
"But you're black!" he exclaimed.
Balthazar looked at Satan and drew a blank. Joseph shrugged his shoulders, but Billy laughed. He winked at Balthazar and nodded his head slightly.
"Am I? Really? I haven't looked in a mirror in so long I forgot. You have something against black angels, Mr. Womack?" Balthazar asked sternly. He was not amused. Balthazar looked at Gog (Satan) and watched him blush, grin, and shake his head in disbelief.
"He's all yours, Son. Consider him an early Spring Solstice gift," Satan said.
"That's precisely why I'm here, Demon Daddy. The Big Kahuna -- him who's name can not be spoken -- has sent me to give this moron a stern warning. You do not represent God, Womack! You are a charlatan and a miserable failure as a human being. Your actions have been self-serving and despicable. The only God you worship is Mammon, and you will be condemned to spend an eternity in Hell cleaning out the sewer systems for the poor and middle class," Balthazar declared, "Unless...!" he paused for a second, "Someone comes up with a creative alternative for you and grants you another chance at a better life. Right now, you are at the mercy of Satan and his minions – but not to worry. It could be worse. It could be raining," Balthazar said and grinned.
"I don't believe you. There ain't no such thing as black angels. There's something wrong about this. There's something not quite right about this place. Why would Hell have entertainment? It's all wrong, and I'll get to the bottom of this if it's the last thing I do!" Womack exclaimed, "Black angel, my ass!" he added in a huff.
"I think I'm ready to pronounce judgment, Son," Satan said to Billy and grinned.
"Yes, sir, your Majesty. Your wish is our command," Billy bowed deeply to Satan.
"I'm gonna' ask you a question. If you lie to me, I'll know and terminate you without further ado as a hopeless case. Have you ever been butt-fucked by another man?" Satan asked.
"No, I ain't never been butt-fucked!" Womack exclaimed.
"Our searches tell us he's telling the truth, Master," Joseph said checking with one of their attendants.
"Cowboy," Satan said speaking to Kit Crocker, "your long road to redemption starts here this evening. Since Mr. Womack decided to take something what was yours, I think it only fair you should take something what's his in return; an eye for an eye – an asshole for a cunt," he said, "Think you can rise to the occasion, Son?" Satan asked.
"His cock ain't gone down since I give him them horns, Master," Billy said and laughed.
"Did you ever cheat on your wife, Son?" Satan asked.
"Not with another woman, your honor, sir," Crocker replied.
"Another man?" Satan asked.
"Naw, sir," Crocker replied, "although I done thought about it a lot," he added.
"You mean there's a broken hearted ewe running around in a pasture out to your place what's trying to call you to come back and make love to her again? I can just hear the poor dear now, I-i-i-i, w-u-u-v-v-e, y-o-u-u-u, C-o-o-w-b-o-o-y," Satan said sounding like a sheep bleating and fell over laughing. He almost knocked one of his demon Sun Bears off his horns, but he caught the cute little critter in time and steadied it.
"Yes, sir, a couple," Crocker said, "but I don't knows I can fuck a man, sir?" he added.
"Sure you can, Son. Insert tab A into slot B and hump with vigor. Ain't nothing to it. It's like wild-cat'n for oil in Texas. You keep drill'n until she blows. Don't stop until you unload your cowboy gizz up his butt, and I promise, you'll get major bonus points if you're a good enough lover and make him shoot his at the same time," the huge monster said.
"You can't be serious. Don't I have any say in this?" Womack began to panic.
"Yes, you can thank the nice cowboy for the good ride after he he fills your gut with his sweet hot load of Buckaroo gizz. It's always considered polite in Texas," Billy replied.
"I thought you said we weren't in Texas no more," Womack threw Billy a curve ball.
"Hell? Texas? The names are synonymous in many folks' mind – or sometimes it can be a little piece of Heaven on Earth, depending on your point of view and your relationship with the state," Billy swung, connected, and knocked it out of the park. A cheer of agreement went up from his viewing audience.
"This is homosexual rape!" Womack protested.
"Rape is such a nasty word. Ain't that what you done to Kitty Crocker? Metaphorically, you done raped him. You fucked him in the butt by fucking his wife. You took what was his without his permission. Now it's time for paybacks. The big cowboy's just gonna' even the score. He's gonna' take your ass without your permission; and, did you get a good look at the whopper on that stud? Sweet Jesus, it's a beaut! I seen Shetland ponies what weren't nearly so well endowed. It's a real quarter pounder to pound your virgin ass. I got me a feel'n you're really gonna' enjoy this Clarence, and don't be shy. Don't feel like you have to hold back none, neither, just 'cause you got an audience watching. We'll turn down the lights, get your rider set in your saddle by ease'n that big piece of cowboy meat inside you, packing it in tight up your butt. We'll make a little music to fuck a demon by, open the gate, and let him buck; and, remember, the more you encourage him the better fuck'n you're gonna' get. It's like anything else in life, the more you put into it, the more you're gonna' get back. You may find you really like it, Clarence. Wouldn't that be a surprise?" Billy asked taunting him.
"Not very likely, Sport," Womack said, "Sounds like you been on the receiving end yourself more'n a few times," he added viciously.
"Many times, Clarence. More'n you got toes and fingers to count. Take it from a master, I know how give a hot demon-cowboy a ride he'll remember the rest of his life," Billy said and growled in Womack's ear.
Kit Crocker pulled Billy to one side away from the crowd. "Uh, Mr. Demon, sir, I love my horns and all, but I just don't feel much like a buckaroo right now," Crocker whinged.
"I understand, Cowboy. Yore' demon daddy knows what your problem is. I seen you in action at too many rodeos, Stud. I ain't never seen you back down from riding one a them big ferocious Brahma Bulls, right? Billy asked.
"Never, sir," Crocker replied.
"I ain't never seen you pass a ride on a particularly mean-spirited bronc, right?" Billy asked.
"Never, sir," Kit replied.
"And I ain't never seen you fail to grab one a them big bulls by the horns and flip it over until you won the dog'n run, have I?" Billy asked.
"Never, Mr. Demon," Crocker answered with more spirit, "but how did you attend a rodeo as a demon, sir?" he asked.
"I watched though another man's eyes, Cowboy. Us demons can do that. Now, I want you to walk over to that cell and pull them pair of size eighteen triple E Buckaroo boots on, walk around the corner, get another good long look at chore'self and them horns in that full length mirror, and walk back over to me like a buckaroo what's ready to ride the roughest stock. Understand, Son?" Billy asked.
"I understand, Mr. Demon and thank you, sir," Kitty Crocker said, turned, and almost ran to the cell.
When he returned, Kit Crocker had a big grin on his face and his cock was standing stiff and straight. He was a cowboy ready for the rodeo. Billy smiled and thought it was amazing what a pair of buckaroo boots will do for a man. Like Dumbo the flying elephant thought he needed a feather in his nose to fly, so Kit Crocker needed his boots to feel like a real cowboy. Billy didn't put the man down for it or thought less of him as a man. He empathized with the big man and found him more of a brother than an aberration. He remembered how much his own boots meant to him and how uncomfortable he was without them. He noticed, after decades living without Western boots, Hank and Buck became changed men from the moment Clyde outfitted them on Retikki Prime to visit his planet and the Irin on Fort Adam Lear.
The lights were lowered and preparations were made for Kitty Crocker to mount Clarence Womack. Womack was secured to a table. His feet and legs were raised with the aid of metal examination stirrups. He began to babble accusations and threats to those who would impose on his rights as a human. He pulled out every empty argument known to a right wing huckster who found himself on the wrong end for the turn of a screw. It became annoying as well as disgusting and didn't add much to the ambiance for sexual intercourse no matter how you looked at it. Billy warned Clarence a couple of times and told him he would shove a good size penis gag in his mouth if he didn't shut up and take it like a man. Kit Crocker seemed unfazed by Womack's blather. He was a cowboy on a mission and considered Womack's objections little more than he might a sweaty, nervous, bellowing Brahma Bull or a ornery snorting wild brucking bronc he was about to ride. He was there to do a job. He was, after all, a cowboy, and he would give it his best shot.
Billy removed the butt plug from Womack's ass like he was unlocking the gates to the horizon. A new chapter in Clarence Womack's second life was about to begin. With his stallion ready to mount his mare, his large penis properly lubricated, Cowboy Kit Crocker slowly but surely sunk his metaphorical 'Big Mack' into Clarence Womack's depths and felt the warm comfort of the preacher's ass wrap around his big cock like the hand of the Lady of the Lake when it rose up from the water to reclaim Excalibur for the ages. He was transported home on the range, comfortable in the saddle, and ready to ride Womack's wildest buck. Womack's small pink beady eyes opened to their maximum width upon having his anal cavity invaded by such a large object, but his fears and objections seemed to quickly fly out the windows of his mind. A look came over his face; one of delightful surprise; an enigmatic smile like that on the face of a dead baby. Billy knew that look. He knew it well. It was like the gas gauge on his old pickup truck and showed how full of Hank and Buck's magic herbs Womack's tank was at the moment. Combined with the pressure and massage of his prostate gland Clarence Womack walked through the double doors of the horizon, his mind was lifted high on the winds of sexual stimulation, and his spirit was carried away on the wings of a Zeret bird.
To everyone's surprise, the big cowboy didn't seem to be interested in fucking for vengeance so much as he was looking for a good ride to win the rodeo. It soon became obvious, Crocker was no novice to fucking and proceeded to give old Clarence a text book cowboy ride. The more the big cowboy fucked the preacher the stronger the magic herbs came over both men until they divorced themselves from a physical reality and began to orbit within each other's unique sphere of influence and conjoined like double stars might feed off one another. There are no words to describe the perfect fuck; although, lesser men have tried. Perhaps there is no such thing, but those who believe in and support random spontaneous development of life over miraculous intervention are prone to believe there are more than a few analogies for the creation of new structures both physical and mental. The creation of new stars in the universe was certainly one to consider. It begged the question: Just how connected is the microcosm to the macrocosm? A riddle nested within an enigma inside a conundrum.
The big cowboy reached a perfect rhythm which moved Clarence Womack's fundament to relax and open to the larger man's strong, steady, but comfortable invasion. Crocker's fucking became hypnotic to Clarence and his eyes glazed over like someone in a mystic trance. It came to him, he was losing control of his body, and the big cowboy fucking him was now in charge; he was losing control; however, it wasn't as threatening or distasteful as Clarence thought it might be. In fact, try as he may to cancel out the thought, it was becoming incredibly sensual and sexually stimulating to the point he felt himself beginning to rise to climax. Womack looked directly into Kit Crocker's eyes, and they knew in an instant they reached the same level of stimulation. "Go for it, Cowboy! Win the rodeo!" Womack quietly urged his partner in muted passion. They hit at the same moment and Womack's ejaculation flew up and over his head in three separate volleys, as Kit Crocker filled his lower track with his hot cowboy cream. It was done, and Crocker's horns disappeared. The balance between them was made equal. Someone rang a small bell, and another star was born in a distant galaxy.
"Hosanna!" exclaimed Balthazar quietly.
"Hosanna, in the highest!" he was answered by the others with equal reverence.
End of Chapter 51 ~ Him Who Made The Seven Stars
Copyright ~ © ~ 2013 ~ 2014 ~ Waddie Greywolf
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Mail to: waddiebear@yahoo.com
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05/29/2013
03/03/2014