Thanks to everyone and their kind notes about my other stories, this one isn't as steamy, more ... mushy?
SO IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE TWO PEOPLE OF THE SAME SEX IN LOVE/ MAKING LOVE ...whaddaya doing HERE?
...nuff said, write me at hessa_meena@hotmail.com
High School The Good Ol' One Twenty
I first started wondering about Sara in Spanish class. We had a substitute for the first few weeks, and she younger and cuter than any of us were used to. When she left the room for a moment, one of the guys leaned over to his friend and in his classroom accent, said "la profesora es que bonita, no?" his friend nodded.
"Word, she looks like Gina Gershon," my ears burned. Over the summer when my parents were out of town I rented "Bound" and nearly drooled on the remote. Gina Gershon was a little cheesy, but more than enough to get my teen, newly out lesbo self going.
It was senior year, and I'd finally started telling people I was gay, and didn't give a shit anymore. I knew I'd get into a good college, and in my goof-ass teeny private school that's all that mattered. Only one more year, and I could withstand the boredom, weird looks and loneliness because I had to.
Sara looked up too, she'd been thumbing through a music magazine, and raised an eyebrow when someone, a boring sort of popular girl glanced up from her nails and asked, "who's Gina Gershon?"
My brain kept prancing around saying, "she's fine, and she's so much finer than you," because she was one of the ruder, meaner ones in our class, but Sara made my day.
She sighed, put the magazine away and looked at her. "She's an actress who was in the movie "Showgirls" and "Bound" and had her own TV show for a while." I looked at Sara in shock, someone obviously dug Gina. I smiled back into my notebook and hid behind my long blonde hair maybe this year would be more interesting than I thought.
I barely knew Sara, she transferred to a beastly boarding school by my first year, but I remember her visits when she was on break. She was like the returning queen, and everyone, even the girls were in her business. But now she was back for senior year, and disinterested in the social ranking she used to reign over. She was changed somehow: Not as preppy and icy, and she always had a walkman.
While she was different, Sara still wasn't disenchanted enough for my crowd- I was getting bored with them too. All they seemed to care about was getting high, and while I still liked to smoke pot - lots of it, I also wanted to do other things.
I was so bored by my senior year that I could have chewed my hands off.
As luck would have it Sara and I were partnered in a social studies study group, and spent most of our time goofing off in the library "researching." She was friendly and smart and had a great sense of humor. By the end of that first class we were already trading CDs with each other. By the second class I felt confident enough to get down to what I really wanted to know: Or at least what I felt comfortable asking.
"So why did you leave boarding school?" She sighed.
"It was just a mess. The girls were really horrible." I smiled.
"Worse than here?" I winced. "I'm sorry, I know they're your friends." She looked at me.
"No, Kelly." She took another bite of the bagel I smuggled in. I liked the way she said my name. "You're my friend."
Uh oh, was I getting a crush on this girl?
"You feed me." I caught the sparkle in her eyes then looked back down to the book I was thumbing through. We were supposed to do something about Picasso's paintings and wartime Spain for this project, and I readily slipped back into the schoolwork.
I refused to let myself read more meaning into what Sara said, particularly because she looked way too adorable in her tight baby-t shirt. We were both melting in the heat of the library, and I guiltily noticed her arm muscles as she rubbed her shoulder while she read.
I swallowed, wishing we were somewhere else and I actually had the guts to offer her a backrub.
I really didn't want to have a crush, not now, not on someone at my own dreaded high school, but Sara was nice to me, and we made each other laugh. But late at night in my bed, when I had to be honest with myself to get to sleep, I knew it.
I was falling for her.
The next week two guys in a different project group were in the library. Jeremy, was sort of king jock and grinned at Sara predatorily. He had an amazing body for a guy his age, and sauntered over to our table, ignoring me, as usual. Which was fine, I was staring at Sara's hands, I liked how graceful, but sturdy they looked and noticed that she kept her nails short, not painted or chewed up.
"So Sara, Friday Todd's having a party." He leaned closer, he smelled manly, doused in the proof that he already had to shave. "Come with me." Sara totally surprised me, I expected her to be excited: To most of our female classmates, Jeremy was the catch of our school. Instead she leaned back in her chair and shook her head. "Too late, Jem, I'm going with Kelly to the movies." She fanned herself with one of her notebooks and Jeremy tried to pretend like all was cool. I blushed, knowing that Jeremy would be pissed off, but also wondering why she'd lie to him like that.
"So," she scooted over to me and put her hand on my knee. "What do you want to see?" Maybe it was because I was already blushing or because I liked her hand on my knee, but my brain wasn't behaving that day. "I dunno, but do you think our substitute looks like Gina Gershon?" Somehow my brain traveled the Freudian loop between "Bound," the hot Spanish teacher and Sara's hand on my knee. Even if she couldn't read all of my thoughts, something equally weird was running through hers and she shifted uncomfortably giving me a cautious look. Then she leaned back in her chair, removed her hand from my knee -- keeping her cool in one smooth move.
"Saddly, Miss Gershon nor Miss Espanol are gracing our theaters this weekend, but we could still hang out." I couldn't believe it, I'd completely made a fool of myself and Sara still wanted to hang out. And beyond that she refused a date with the hottest guy in school by announcing her plans to hang out with me, freak burnout girl who played loud electric guitar when most girls barely played a decent set of hoops.
I didn't know what was going on, and that night I couldn't get her out of my head, I brushed my teeth and tried to imagine why she wasn't already grabbed up by some cute guy like Jeremy. I sighed. She couldn't be interested in me. That would be the ultimate laugh track. Then I might actually have to do something, instead of just mope behind my bong and guitar.
I was a mess, I'd never been crushed out like this, and she wasn't making it any easier. When we watched the movie, I felt her thigh against mine, and even though the theater was crowded, I think she did it on purpose. By the end of the night I was so distracted I just wanted to go home.
"Let's go party at Columbia." I knew she liked to hang out at her brother's dorm sometimes, but never thought I'd be invited along. We were standing on Broadway, outside the huge Lowes movie palace on 84th street, and I imagined running into everyone we went to school with. I already told my parents that I would be home by eleven, the movie was over at ten, and it was only a quick subway ride home. She must have read the hesitation in my eyes, because before I even uttered my first `I can't' etc, she had her hands gripped around my jacket collar and was shoving me into the phone booth.
"Call your folks and tell them you'll be home by two." It sounded workable, but my mind flashed to my parents and the explanations later of trust and was there alcohol, etc. etc. blah blah, and I balked. Sara had me cornered in the phone booth, and if she was a guy I'd be sort of scared, she was close enough that I could feel her warmth in the October chill, and there was something in her eyes that was way too mischievous. I took a deep breathe and wondered why I was sweating. "So call them." Sara's eyes were on mine - so tempting, I almost gave in.
"I can't," I thought of some lie I could tell her, but she knew me well enough that any good Samaritan line about errands for my folks wouldn't fly, I hid when I was home.
"Are you scared?" Sara's tone changed, instead of taunting she was concerned, sharing. And her hand was still on my collarbone. It felt warm, more real than anything I'd ever imagined. We weren't talking about a party at Columbia. Or at least I wasn't. I blinked, I hadn't smoked pot all day, but still my brain wouldn't function.
"No." I heard myself blurt. Sara gave me a sad sort of smile and let me out of the phone booth.
I wanted to puke.
"Maybe next week?" She asked, friendly again. I smiled, but wanted to cry. What had just happened? Why did I feel my head cracking open?
"Yeah, thanks for the movie, Sara." I ducked out of her grip and up towards the subway, I definitely couldn't hug her, not now. If she touched me I might not let her go.
We didn't talk the whole weekend, we still weren't into the phone thing, and Monday morning, going to school was worse than usual, I couldn't keep the memory of the fumbled weirdness outside the movie theater out of my mind, and would have cut class if I didn't have a Math quiz.
I struggled up the stairs to Spanish, which was boring as hell, our normal teacher was back with a tan and bunch of slides that no one wanted to see, and Sara and I sat in the back writing notes to each other under the projector's flimsy light.
How was your weekend?
Blah -- homework, etc...yours?
Fine. Are you pissed at me?
N-
I put the pen down, the teacher was drilling us on vocabulary we were supposed to know from the Gina Gershon stand in. And I dutifully droned with the rest of the class. I wanted to take Sara's hand, I wanted to touch her face and scream about how I was afraid I was falling in love with her. Instead all I wrote was:
Do you want to hang out this weekend?
She smiled. Her parents were notoriously out of town doing preppy things at their Connecticut country house, and she usually had the place to herself. After class she went to her homeroom, and I smiled to myself at how strange life was.
We started having lunch together too, and that's when people started talking about how weird it was that we hung out. I thought it was weird too, I was used to having a lot more time to myself, not that I minded. Sara was the best distraction from myself that I could have asked for. Still I had no idea what she was doing with me, and I asked her as we left school after our last period social studies class.
"You know, I really like hanging out with you, but..." We were walking uptown, me to the subway, she to the cross-town bus.
"But?" she looked worried.
"But," I looked into her eyes, she'd been trying to tame a stray lock of hair all period, and without thinking I tucked it behind her ear. It was too intimate, too weird. We both sort of stared at each other. "But I don't want you cutting off your other friends just to hang out with me." My hands were at my sides, I'd just touched her, and I wanted to do it again. I loved the way her shampoo smelled and her skin felt so soft. I grabbed onto the bus stop, things were all swimmy.
"Kelly," she kept looking in my eyes. We both knew she had to be at her parent's house to help them prepare for a dinner party in thirty minutes, this was no time to start the conversation that we needed to have. Or at least that I wanted to have. I had to tell her that I'd been thinking about her in a way that you don't think of people who are just friends. "Kelly, I don't want to be with anyone else." She took my hand, I swallowed. "You're the most honest, real person I've met at this shit school."
For a moment I wondered if she was going to cry, something was definitely too strange about the moment, and Kelly dropped my hand. "I gotta go, look I'll see you tomorrow?"
I went home and finished my homework. My parents went to some benefit so I smoked pot and played my guitar until I went to bed. My life was getting too out-of-control, I had to at least tell her that I was gay and allude, however vaguely, that I might have a crush on her. I was acting like a freak, my old friends had stopped asking me to go smoke with them at lunch, and I was actually doing well in math.
But then I woke up Friday morning stunned. I dreamt that Sara and I were in a bathroom at a party and we were making out against a wall with her pants down and my fingers deep inside her. I cooed as she trembled and moaned into my neck. I could feel her hot breathe on my ear, and how her wet heat clamped down on my hand. I woke up to the sound of my alarm completely shocked. It was the hottest thing my brain had ever conjured, and I groaned wishing I could keep the image and feeling for one more second. Instead I wandered to the kitchen, embarrassed to see my parents, as if they could see into my libidinous thoughts.
I got to school late, but had a free period and didn't see Sara all day, she had a field trip, and by the time she got back I was with my advisor plodding over college applications. Sarah walked by her office, peeked in and stuck her tongue out at me. I completely lost my train of thought and grinned. My advisor put down her clipboard and took off her glasses.
"Kelly, that's the first time I think I've ever seen you smile like that, and certainly it's not your electives for spring, so I'm not going to ask, I just hope that you keep it up, you look radiant."
Radiant?
Mrs. B. got weird sometimes, but she was sort of a sixties casualty, I shifted in my seat. "Could it be that some young man has caught your eye," my eyebrow arched up, "well I think that's LOVELY." I stifled a groan and looked at my watch.
Sara and I planned to put a few hours on our upcoming Picasso presentation before starting the weekend. When we got to her house we took some Chinese leftovers out of the fridge and walked into her room with our backpacks. The presentation was due in two weeks, but it seemed easier than talking about what was really on our minds.
We sat at either side of her desk listening to music and organizing note cards, but soon the sound of loud guitars came crashing through the wall.
"Oh fuck," she rolled her eyes. "My brother's here with his girl friend." Her brother was a sophomore at Columbia, but still took advantage of his parent's house with all the free laundry and food he could hoard. She put her book down. "Maybe I can get some pot from him, come on." I followed and watched as she barged in on her boyfriend, obviously in the middle of more interesting things with his girlfriend.
"Hey you two, I've got company so don't be so loud, and I'm stealing this joint, ok?" She laughed and walked out. I heard some yelling, but also some laughter, and was amazed that she was so free with him. Back in her room we sat on her bed, and Sara pointed at the wall that separated she and her brother's room. "They've been together forever, and I'm really happy he has someone he loves, it makes him so much less psychotic," she rolled her eyes and lit the joint."
I nodded. When she handed me the joint over there was something in her eyes that made ask.
"What?" We both took some nervous puffs.
"I have to tell you something." I looked at her and we smoked in silence.
"Ok...Yeah?" The joint was down to a roach now, and I leaned over her to put it in the ashtray, we were both sitting on her bed, and it was getting dark in her room.
"Well today Jeremy asked me out again, but I told him I was hanging out with you." I didn't like her tone, and I wondered where this was going. "He called you my wannabe lesbian lover and the whole class laughed." This was nothing new, I was often the butt of their homophobic jokes, but now a friend of mine was getting involved, what was worse, it was true: I was her wannabe lesbian lover.
"Well Sara..." I looked at her. How was I going to do this? "You do know I'm gay, right?" I really wanted more of that joint, even if it was down to the roach and we both leaned together so fast, me for the joint and Sarah to pass the lighter that we bumped heads.
"Ow!"
"Ohmigod, I'm sorry." She was in front of me holding my head as I leaned against the wall by her bed. I'm sure, from her brother's perspective when he walked in, unannounced, we must have looked quite intimate.
"Whoa, sorry." We both jumped. "I didn't mean to..." His eyes went from Sara to me then back at Sara as if he had finally figured something out. "We were going to do some bong hits, but considering you took that joint without asking, you probably don't want any."
Sara rolled her eyes, but walked after him. I introduced myself to his girlfriend, Ann, and we sat across from them on their parent's couch. Ann sat next to Mark and had her hand on his thigh, Mark whispered something to her and she looked at me then at Sara and raised an eyebrow at him.
"Ok I know, let's play Truth or Dare?" Sara rolled her eyes.
"No way." She started to stand up, but I was intrigued, besides I wanted to see what Mark said to her.
"It's ok, Sara." I said, but something in my voice told us both I wasn't too sure either.
"Yeah come on, Sara, Kelly isn't a wuss." At that, sibling rivalry kicked in and Sara sat down. She packed herself a bong hit, smoked it, smoked another one then passed it to me, by now we were both quite stoned and well into the game. Soon it was my turn.
"Ok, Ann, Truth or Dare." Ann shrugged.
"Truth," We were in a circle, with Ann sitting to my right, it was her turn next.
"What did Mark tell you before we started playing that made you both look at us that way?" Mark choked on his bong hit. I looked at Ann, she looked at Sara, then Mark then me.
"Well," Ann took her time smoking, then shrugged. "He said, `I swear my sister is fucking that girl.'" I stared at the bong on the table and wondered what to say. I looked at Sara, but she wouldn't look at me.
When Ann caught my glance, I must have looked mortified, and she tried to lighten the mood. "Looks like it's my turn." I looked at her, Mark did too. "So Kelly, Truth or Dare." I blinked, I couldn't believe after something like that she'd actually think we were still playing. I must not have said anything, "ok, I'll take that as a truth then." I looked over at Sara, she didn't look as if she'd ceased breathing, I guess things were ok.
"So Kelly...Are um...you and Sara, going out?"
"No." I said too quickly, Sara was getting uncomfortable.
"Look, Kelly, we don't have to play..."
"You're lying," Ann said." Mark looked at her in amusement, and she nudged Mark. "Looks like they need the good ol' one twenty." Mark laughed.Sara looked at her brother.
"What's that?" Ann looked at me then Sara and kept smiling.
"That's when we put you in another room for two minutes, and then when you come back you try to tell us that there isn't something going on with you two." Mark explained.
"We had to do it to a friend of ours in the dorm, she so didn't see how she had to be with this guy..." Mark looked at her, "...anyway..." Sara looked at me then back at Mark.
"We are so not..." Sara looked at me, I rolled my eyes and shrugged. I didn't care what people thought anymore, and for the second time that day someone had called one of us on the one thing neither of us could talk about.
"Uh huh, whatever, I'm timing you. Two minutes." He pointed to the kitchen, separated by a squeaky door, and laughed. I heard he and Ann whispering and I held my breathe when Sara took my hand and dragged me in the kitchen.
"I'm sorry they're being such freaks," she said, but I wasn't thinking. I shook my head and traced her lips with my fingertips and smiled when she inhaled sharply.
"We wouldn't be here if we didn't want to." I said, looking in her eyes, confirming what had been happening between us for the past month. I looked up again and only saw a smile.
I remembered the dream that had left me so befuddled this morning, and started to blush. Sara pulled me closer to her and I felt her lips on mine. They were soft and warm and generous. I felt her sucking on my lower lip and heard a gasp from my mouth. I looked in her eyes and smiled wanting to show Sara how delicious her kisses were, but she pulled away.
"Let's go to my room?" I nodded. From behind her closed door we laughed when Ann yelled to Mark we were already gone. Sara locked her door and put on some loud music, but I could still hear my heart above the volume. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I pulled her closer to me, I couldn't stop anymore, I felt my love for her throbbing through my body.
"I need you." I said, and it was true. I'd never felt so in tune with another person in my life. "We were kissing again, this time she was leaning up against her desk and I was pressed up next to her, we were both panting, and she started to take my jacket off. I looked in her eyes.
"Have you ever been with anyone before?" She asked. I shook my head no.
"Have you?" She shook her head. She started pulling her sweater off, and I took my turtleneck off and sat down on her bed. She had her hair back in a ponytail and pushed me back towards the pillows. We kissed until we were both breathing heavily and I felt her knee in crotch, I couldn't believe how wet I was. I rolled us back over so she was on her back and started pulling her shirt off. I put my hands on the fabric of her bra and sighed when I felt her nipples waiting for me. Sara's hips kept pushing into me and she was kissing my neck.
I opened the clasp on her bra, amazed by her breasts. I loved the feeling of her nipples in my mouth and dragging them through my teeth. Soon Sara started pulling my shirt off, demanding my skin, she had already gotten her pants off -- and we were two nude girls under the covers. We could feel each other's wetness, and I wanted to touch her so bad.
"Can I touch you?" Sara kissed me and pressed into me as I spread her lips to feel her sweet velvet. "Ohmigod," I moaned, almost sounding as if I enjoyed it more than she did. She was so wet that my finger slid right in and Sara's eyes widened as she moved her hips towards mine. She opened her eyes half way and smiled.
"You..." she gasped "...are so yummy." Judging from her reactions, I'd found her clit and kept stroking it while Sara started sweating and shaking underneath me. Soon though her moans got louder and raspier, then everything stopped. Sara trembled underneath me while clenching my arms and kissing my neck.
"I don't want to tell you I love you the first time this way, but..." she opened her eyes and kissed me again. "I do."
"No complaints," I grinned and snuggled into her arms. "There's a first time for everything."