Title: Hide In Plain Sight
Author: Red (redfirewitch@yahoo.com)
Pairing: JC/Justin...eventually.
Disclaimer: Color me surprised if this ends up to be true!
Dedication: To those who are contributing to the 'JC& JT moments' conversation!!
Rave: So many fabulous stories on Nifty concerning my fav couple! I'm totally loving all of them! Also some fantastic BSB ones! 'The Photograph'- Wow. 'Desperate Measures' - OH MY GOD! 'Open Arms' - Sigh! Will it ever be continued?
************************* Part 10: Faithful Friends *************************
"We'll be making our decent in 15 minutes time. We hope you've had a pleasant flight. Thank you for flying with Delta," said a clear male voice.
JC opened his eyes and looked out the small window. He saw the familiar landmarks and smiled. It was good to be home. Turning his head, he saw Lance watching him. But the moment he saw that he had been caught staring, the blond looked away. JC shook his head and hid his smile. As happy as he was to be home, JC also couldn't wait to get away from Lance, Chris and Joey. Ever since they learned about his past, the trio had appointed themselves as JC's unofficial bodyguards. They went everywhere he went, watched carefully if they saw any stranger approach JC. They gave Wes and Randy a run for their money. As proud as he felt to have such friends who cared so much about him, JC was also getting weary of the constant surveillance he was under. Only Justin seemed to give him the space he needed.
JC looked over at where Justin was sitting with his eyes closed and headphones on. Justin also kept an eye out for him but he was more subtle about it. JC knew that it was in part because of the tension between them ever since his confession of his feelings for the blond. Justin was trying to give him the space that he had asked for. Yet at the same time, he was not too far away in case JC needed him. And he had really needed him that night when he had told Lance, Chris and Joey about his past.
**
The whole time that JC had spent telling Lance, Chris and Joey about his past, he had his eyes focused on the carpet. He didn't want to look at them because he feared that he would break down and be unable to go on. All he felt was Justin's arms around his shoulders giving him the strength to go on when he came to hardest parts. The parts about Liam. Finally when he had finished recounting everything, he looked up.
Lance, Joey and Chris sat there as if in shock. For a second, JC feared that they were disgusted and disappointed with him. Then in a flash, he found himself in a tangle of arms as they were all hugging him at the same time. If it wasn't for the fact that he had just gone through emotional hell, JC was sure he would have laughed at the sight they made.
"Guys! Stop it! You going to kill him!" Justin yelled while chuckling.
They let go just as suddenly as they had attacked JC.
"My god, JC! I can't believe you had to go through all of this on your own! I'm so sorry!" Lance said, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
"Yeah. Why didn't you tell us before, man!" Joey asked.
JC just smiled although that smile wavered. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys all this before. I'm sorry I've put your careers on the line."
"Screw our careers! Damn it, JC! We're more worried about you!" Chris yelled. "You never talked to any one about it. It's traumatic enough to see someone you love die but to have shot someone...how did you get through it!?"
"I don't know. All I knew was that Liam wanted me to follow my dreams. He sent me away that day to protect me and I couldn't let him down. Every time I thought I couldn't go on, that I wanted to end it all..."
Justin gasped as he grabbed JC's arm. "You didn't try to..."
JC shook his head. "But I thought about it often enough. Some times I just missed him so much until it hurt just to breathe. But every time I thought about it, I would remember the way he died. Alone. Just so I could have my fucking dreams! And I just forced myself to live." JC closed his eyes tight and pursed his lips to stop from crying.
Justin pulled JC to him and held him close. Chris patted JC's shoulder. "It wasn't your fault, JC. You did what you had to do. You did what he asked you to do." he said softly.
"But he died. How could he die? Why did he do that to me?" JC sobbed uncontrollably while Justin held his shaking body.
"We are all here for you. You don't have to hold it all in anymore. Let it out, JC. It's about time " Lance said soothingly.
Joey didn't say anything but lent his silent support as he sat with Lance, in front of JC.
There wasn't a dry eye in that room as the sound of JC's grief echoed in the silent room.
** That night JC had cried out all his fear, anger, hate, grief and guilt. It had been an purging experience. Even though he knew that the nightmare was far from over, he had managed to kill some important personal demons. He felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It hadn't taken Chris long to get him laughing and soon the five friends were back to their usual selves, joking and horsing around like kids. That night they had managed to further strengthen the bond between the five of them.
JC had always thought that he was lucky to have known the four guys but after that night he didn't put it down to luck. He considered them a blessing from god. His personal guardian angels who would defend him against all odds. If only he would let them. But his personal sense of responsibility prevented him putting them at risk. JC knew that when push came to shove, he would take all responsibility and even quit the group if he had to. But would it come to that?
JC knew that if Phillip went to the press, it would stir up a hornet's nest but would it destroy them? As far as he knew, there was no link between him and Phillip. Lance had pointed out that it was his word against the word of a drug dealer. Sure it would cast doubts on him but without proof, there was no way JC could be linked to Liam's death. Even if Phillip was willing to risk his own capture by going to the media with assertion that JC had been there the night Liam died, they could easily argue that Phillip was just targeting a public figure in the hope of getting publicity or book deals or stuff like that.
However, that wasn't the worst of it. If it got out that he could be gay, even if he denied it, the spotlight would be on him. And not just him. The whole group. Lance, Joey and Chris would have nothing to fear but Justin was another case. The teenager was already facing a lot of pressure by being the public eye and having to keep his relationship a secret. If Justin had been straight, it would have been bad enough but being gay made it a lot more difficult. If the media scrutiny fell on Justin, then his relationship with Matt would suffer.
JC looked over at where Justin was sitting and sighed. He had spoken his heart when he said that he had helped Justin's and Matt's relationship even though it was killing him. But if it made Justin happy and if that was what he wanted, then JC was willing to ignore the pain as much as he could. As it was, he was feeling guilty because he had been the cause of the fight that Justin and Matt had had that night.
He didn't know about it until before they had boarded the flight. Lance had innocently told him about a phone call of Justin's that he had overhead when Joey had mentioned that Justin was looking more pissed off than usual in the morning.
**
"I said 'Hey Curly' and I didn't even get a courtesy grunt." Joey complained as they sat around in the airport terminal waiting for their flight.
"Yeah, he seems rather distracted." Chris agreed.
JC began to worry about Justin wondering if his mood had anything to do with what had transpired between them. Then he dismissed the idea as his own paranoia because the night before Justin had hugged him and reassured him that everything would be all right before they had all turned in.
"I think it's because of a phone call he got this morning." Lance said. "I heard him yelling at someone called Matt."
JC looked up in surprise. "Matt? What was he yelling about?"
"I don't know. Something about how he was sorry he forgot to call this Matt guy and tell him that he would be delayed and that they we had a personal emergency. He sounded like he was trying to explain but that the other guy was furious and wouldn't listen or something."
"Who is this Matt guy? Why should Justin explain his actions to him anyway?" Joey asked.
JC remained quiet. He could guess what happened. He had heard Justin tell Matt that he would reach Orlando by midnight and that he would call him. But because of their flight had to be postponed, because of him, Justin had not been able to keep his word. And knowing Justin, he had probably been too busy worrying about to remember to call and inform Matt.
JC felt guilty for having been the cause of Justin's unhappiness. He briefly considered calling Matt and explaining to him but dismissed idea. Justin wouldn't appreciate finding out that Lance had eavesdropped or that JC had taken it upon himself to interfere in his business. Especially given the situation between them now. Besides JC knew that Matt didn't like him much.
"Justin's probably just stressed out because..." Chris trailed off looking at JC and quickly changed track, "...they probably got him Blueberry Mornings instead of Apple Jacks."
JC smiled wryly. "Nice save, Chris."
Chris grinned and put a friendly arm around JC. "Thank you."
**
Their flight had been announced and they had all boarded the plane. Justin hadn't spoken much during the flight but gave JC a tired smile before putting on his headphone. That had been hours ago. Sighing, JC just closed his eyes and leaned back in the seat. Unrequited love sucked! You were miserable when the other person was miserable. And when they were happy, it made you only a little less miserable. But when they were happy with someone else, you begin to consider priesthood.
"My love life sucks, wipes and blows." JC muttered to himself.
"They say that talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity."
JC opened his eyes to see Justin standing there. "Oh yeah? What's the second?" he asked with a smile as Justin sad down in the seat beside him that had just been vacated by Randy.
"I don't know. I'll have to ask Chris." Justin replied as he fastened his seatbelt.
Randy returned from the bathroom, only to find his seat taken by a smirking, curly-haired, teenager. Shaking his head, he settled himself in Justin's seat.
"So what are your plans for today once you get home?" JC asked, as he fastened his own seatbelt.
"Hang out with the munchkins. I haven't seen Jon and Steven for ages!" Justin replied.
"Yeah, me either. I promised them I would take them to Universal the next time I saw them. Mind if I borrow them tomorrow?" JC asked.
"Yes, I mind. I'm coming too." Justin said, with a grin.
JC couldn't help himself. "Shouldn't you hang out with Matt?"
Justin looked at JC and looked away. "That's ok. My brothers are more important to me."
"I didn't mean..."
"I know what you meant, Josh. And I know that you know that Matt and I had a fight." Justin stated.
JC watched him in surprise. Justin went on to explain. "I saw Lance listening to my conversation. Not his fault either. I was waiting for the elevator when Matt called my cell-phone and Lance happened by at the tail-end of the conversation. And knowing Scoop, he probably told you guys about it and you put two and two together."
They shared a silence as JC tried to figure out what to say. It came easily. "I'm sorry."
"Why?
"If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have had to miss your flight."
"Right. Because you tied me up and forbid me to board the plane." Justin said sarcastically. "I made the choice. Not you."
"I'm still sorry." JC said.
Justin just smiled.
"Do you want to tell me what the fight was about?" JC asked.
Justin tensed up. "I rather not."
JC couldn't help but feel hurt. Justin always told him everything. Even if it was hell for him to listen to the parts about Matt, JC listened because it revealed to him about a side of Justin that he wished he could experience for himself. But now, Justin was closing up on him. All because he had confessed his feelings for him.
JC nodded. "I understand." He was about to turn away to look out the window when Justin grabbed his hand.
"No you don't. I don't want to talk about it because I don't want to hurt you Josh. I know it's hard for you. Don't deny it. I know. Nothing has changed Josh. You're still my best friend." Justin said reassuringly.
JC smiled and squeezed Justin's hand. "Thanks Curly."
They both leaned back in their seat and fell into their own thoughts as the plane landed on the runway.
**
********************* Part 11. Coming Home *********************
"JUSTIIIIIIIIIIN!!!"
The moment Justin and JC stepped into the house, a small bundle came hurtling towards him. Justin bent down and scooped up the small boy, swinging him high up.
"Hey Steven! Boy! You're heavy!" Justin laughed as he hugged his brother. As he put the boy down, Steven ran to JC and Chris to give them a hug each.
"Who are you? I don't know you? I only know this small, tiny, ugly, thing called Steven. I don't know you." Chris said, looking at Steven suspiciously while the boy giggled.
"Where's Jonathan?" Justin asked, looking around.
"He's gone camping with his friends. He'll be back tomorrow." Lynn Harliss answered as she entered the hallways and hugged her son. "Finally you're home! Johnny told me that you missed your flight. Honestly I would have thought that by now you boys would know better."
As JC was hugged by Lynn, he met Justin's gaze over her shoulders and silently confirmed that Lynn had not been told of why they had missed their flight.
"Well you know how long your son takes to comb that mop on his head, Lynn." Chris joked.
"Justin doesn't have a mop on his head." Steven stated, looking at him brother's head to make sure.
Justin grinned. "You tell him, short stuff."
"All right. Enough talk. Go up and change. I'll have lunch ready in 15 minutes," Lynn ushered them towards the stairs. She didn't miss the fact that JC was very quiet and seemed rather pale but she put it down to exhaustion. "Steven, would you like to help me set the table?"
The small boy ran into the kitchen ahead of his mother.
Justin, JC and Chris climbed up the stairs and headed for their bedrooms. JC waited until Chris was in his room before he stopped Justin from going into his room.
"Can I talk to you for second?"
Justin nodded and led JC into his room and closed the door. He put his duffel bag on his bed and started to unpack. "What's up, Josh?"
JC sat on the bed and looked down at the floor. "Should I tell Lynn?"
Justin stopped unpacking. "About the threats or about Liam?"
"Kind of hard to talk about one thing without mentioning the other." JC said. "How do you think she will take it?"
Justin sighed and sat down beside JC. "I don't know. She doesn't know I'm gay. I don't know how she will take the news. I wish I can tell you that she will be cool with it but that will be hypocritical since I don't dare tell her myself."
"I want to tell her, Just. I can't keep this from her because of the very reason I can't keep this from the guys. I don't know how Phillip...," JC paused as if that name was making him sick. "...how his mind works. I don't know who he might take it into his head to hurt but at least if Lynn knows, she can be careful."
Justin began to pace the room. "Shit. Do you really think he might come after my family?"
JC rubbed the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb. "I don't know. He might if he knows that I'm staying here..." JC looked up as an idea hit him. "Unless I move out of here. Why didn't I think of that! I can rent out a place!"
Justin stopped pacing and looked at JC as if he was talking gibberish. "Are you crazy? If you move out somewhere alone, then it makes it that much easier for him to get to you. At least you are safer with us here. We can look out for you and..."
"It's not me you have to look out for, Justin! I don't give a hoot about me. But I'll be damned if Lynn or the kids get hurt because of me!" JC yelled.
Justin exhaled angrily. "Fine! But if you move out, I'm coming with you! You're not going anywhere alone!"
"You're not getting the point, Justin! I don't want anyone to get hurt! This is my problem and I will deal..."
"Fuck it, Josh! I thought we were beyond this point! Enough with the 'I can handle it myself' crap! You need help! Phillip is going to count on your silence and isolation to hurt you! He probably thinks that you're too scared to tell anyone and that he can get way with it if he does hurt you! I'm beginning to think that his power over you is mostly psychological. You have to get over your fear of him or you're never going to be rid of him."
The common sense in Justin's words hit JC. JC didn't realize it before Justin said it, but he was right. JC was afraid of Phillip. Fear that manifested itself in anger and hate. But it was not just fear of what might happen to him. It was mostly fear of what Phillip might do to the people he loved. Maybe it was this fear that gave Phillip the power over him.
"You're right." JC admitted. "Damn, I hate it when you're right."
Justin smiled and put him arm around JC's shoulder. "And I love it when you admit I'm right. So where do you stand now on the moving out business?"
"I don't know. I think I'll let Lynn decide that."
"What do you mean?" Justin asked even though he had an idea.
"I'm going to tell her that I'm gay. If she wants me to move out after that, then I'm going." JC decided, while at the same time a part of him wished that it would never come to that. He considered Lynn as his second mother. She had taken care of him and loved him like her own son and it would hurt if she hated him because of his sexuality.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I'm tired of hiding the truth." JC said. "Is this going to be weird for you?"
"No. I know this sounds selfish but I'm glad you're telling her and I don't have to. I can see how she reacts to you and if she's ok with you, then..." Justin trailed off in thought.
"Then?" JC prompted.
Justin met his gaze. "Then I'll tell her as well."
JC smiled and gave Justin's hand a squeeze. Justin placed his hand over JC's reassuringly. They stared at each other for a few seconds before JC hurriedly broke the gaze and stood up.
"We better head on down." JC said as he headed for the door.
"Go on first. I'll be down in a minute." Justin replied.
JC smiled and closed the door behind him. Justin stared at the door. He couldn't believe what had just happened. Or rather what he had felt. For a moment, as he stared into JC's eyes, he had seriously wanted to lean forward and kiss him. And what scared him was that he would have if JC hadn't moved away.
'What the hell was I thinking? I'm with Matt. I love Matt. Then why...?'
"JUSTIN RANDALL TIMBERLAKE! WE'RE ALL WAITING FOR YOU!"
Justin jumped at sound of his mom's voice. Shaking his head in confusion, he left the room.
**
Lunch was a noisy affair with Chris and Steven making the most noise while Justin and Lynn conversed softly. JC was silent for the most part, answering Lynn's questions only with short answers. Once Steven was done with his meal, he asked to be excused so that he could go play. Lynn reminded him to do his homework too before she let him leave the room.
"So what's going on, Joshua." Lynn asked, not being one to tiptoe around the issue. "You haven't said more than 10 words to me since you got back. Is something wrong? You know you can tell me, right?"
Chris and Justin looked at JC as the brunet remained silent for a while. Finally JC took a deep breath and look at Lynn. "Yes, there's something important I have to tell you. Chris, Justin and the rest of the guys know. And I think you should know too." JC said as his voice became strained.
Lynn frowned and stood up. She came to sit in the chair beside JC's and took his hand in hers. "This sounds serious. Are you ok? You're not ill or anything are you?"
"No. Although you might think differently. Lynn, I've been hiding some secrets for years now. It's something I should have told you guy a long time ago but I didn't have the guts or strength to do so. I'm--I'm--" JC looked at Lynn's concerned face, Justin's worried face and Chris's supportive face. "Lynn, I'm gay."
Lynn just sat there without moving or saying anything. Her hand was still holding JC's though and she hadn't let go which the guys took as a good sign but she was also silent.
"Mom?" Justin called out.
Lynn looked at Justin and then back at JC. "I--I--"
JC pulled his hand away and stood up. "I'll understand if this makes you uncomfortable. If you want me to move out, I can--"
"No! I mean, Joshua sit down." Lynn ordered as she pulled JC down into his chair. She stared at JC as she thought about what she wanted to say. "I'm sorry. That took me by surprise and I guess I reacted rather badly. I'm still in shock but I can tell you one thing for sure. I don't want you to move out. You're like a son to me and that's why this is a bit more...confusing. But I don't want you to think that I'm going to hate you or anything because of your sexuality. I just need time to get used to this. Is that ok?"
JC felt a confusing mixture of emotions. He was relieved for Justin. He was happy for himself. He was grateful to Lynn and he also wanted to cry. "Are you sure?"
Lynn smiled. "Yes, I'm sure. Just be patient with me, ok?" said and held out her arms to JC.
JC smiled and hugged her back. "Thank you," he said softly.
Justin' couldn't help but cry a little. A single teardrop fell on his cheek which he quickly wiped off. He was just so happy. His mother was a wonderful human being and JC deserved to have some form of acceptance of his true self after years of having to hide it. Also he was happy for himself. If his mother could accept JC, then she would come to accept him as well. When he told her the truth. But not yet. Justin wanted to wait until some time had passed after JC's revelation. For now, it was enough to know he had acceptance waiting for him when he needed it.
"Is that why you look like death warmed over?" Lynn asked as she pulled away from JC.
The three guys exchanged worried glances.
"No. There's something else we have to tell you. It's about my past." JC said, then taking a deep breath, he explained. If he could talk to Lynn about this without breaking down, he would be well on his way to healing. "I was in a relationship six years ago after the Mickey Mouse Club was cancelled. His name was Liam. He took summer classes with me and we just fell in love. We were inseparable but I never realized that he was hiding a huge part of his life from me. He didn't have any family, at least none that he talked about. Yet he always had more money that he knew what to do with. I never suspected a thing and took his word for it when he said it was an inheritance. I trusted him completely."
JC paused for a while. Lynn squeezed his and to show her support. That action spoke more than anything she could have said.
"One day, a man came to Liam's house. I opened the door and he told me that he was Liam's uncle. I was surprised but Liam didn't refute it either. But from the look Liam's face, I knew that something was wrong. He tried to get me to leave and I pretended to take our dog, Pirate out for walk. But I waited for a while and came back in. I stood outside the den and listened to their conversation. That's when I found out that Liam had been dealing in drugs. That's why he was rich. He was selling drugs to kids. I stood there in shock. I couldn't believe that the sweet guy I loved was the same guy who was destroying god knows how many lives. Then I heard he man. His name was Philip Rondall. He said that he lost some stash and he had to kill Liam to cover his tracks. I don't know what I was thinking. I just wanted to keep Liam safe so I crept up behind Philip to grab the gun that he had trained on Liam. But Pirate barked at that moment and Philip turned around in time so I was in danger as well."
JC shivered at the thought of what happened afterwards. Even though he had told he story twice, it still unnerved him. Knowing that this was hard for JC, Justin came over to sit on JC's other side and put his arm around him.
"Phi--Philip then threatened to kill Liam if I--I--didn't let him rape me." JC whispered.
"Oh my god! No!" Lynn cried, covering her mouth with her hand, in shock.
JC shook his head. "No. It didn't happen. Pirate attacked Philip when he hit me. He...the bastard shot him. What happened next is still a hazy memory. Liam jumped Philip and they struggled for the gun. Two shots were fired before the gun was knocked out of their hands. I crawled to grab it before Philip could get it. By then Philip had overpowered Liam. He yelled that he was going to kill Liam. Those words just made my mind blank and I aimed the gun and shot Philip."
"I thought I killed him and that Liam was safe. But Liam had been shot during the struggle. I didn't realize that it was serious. He begged me to leave before the cops arrived because he didn't want me involved in the mess. I thought he would be fine and I left. But Liam died alone in that house."
Lynn pulled JC into her arms. "Oh god. Joshua, I'm so sorry. How did you keep this all to yourself? When I saw you again, when you came here, you seemed a little withdrawn but happy enough. Was it all an act?"
"I had to forget about what happened. I couldn't tell anyone. Even my parents didn't know about Liam. I thought I could just bury the past. But I guess I should have known better."
"What do you mean?" Lynn asked.
"Philip is still alive. I thought he died in the hospital but he didn't. I thought I saw him during our last concert but I knew for sure when he called me at the hotel the night before we were supposed to leave."
Lynn looked worriedly at the guys. "What does he want?"
"I don't know Lynn. But he has threatened to come after me and even kill the guys."
Lynn gasped. "We've got to tell the police."
"We can't mom. If he tells the police about Josh's involvement with Liam's death, then Josh would be in trouble." Justin replied.
"Then what? There's a mad man threatening your lives and you want to do nothing?!"
"We are not doing nothing. We are going to tell Johnny everything and have him arrange for extra security. For all we know, that asshole's threat may be just that. Empty threats." Chris explained.
"But we can't be sure, Chris. Philip is dangerous. Lynn, I'm thinking of moving out of here. I think it will..."
"What? Moving out?" Lynn asked.
"It will be safer for everyone." JC continued.
"Joshua! How can you think that? This your home!"
"It is also your home when Paul is away on business. And I can't risk Philip hurting the kids or you in an attempt to get back at me."
"That's why we will have security. It's not any different than usual, Joshua."
"Yes it is. This time we are not dealing with over enthusiastic teenage girls. This man is dangerous. Just trust me on this. I'll be fine. I'll have two bodyguards and I'll check in with you guys often."
"Do you hear what you're saying?! Are you going to stay away from us until the mad man decides to make a move? This is ridiculous! I won't agree to this!"
JC knew that he had to be stubborn. He could see the angry expression on Justin's face while Chris just silently stared at him. "I'm sorry. I hate to say this but I have to. I don't need your permission," he said and got up.
"JC! Listen to me! Staying here isn't..."
Lynn was interrupted by the phone. Sighing she stood up. "I'm not done yet. Stay!" she ordered and picked up the cordless phone. "Hello? Yes? Hold on. JC, it's for you."
JC took the phone and spoke up. "Hello?"
His face drained of all blood. "What! No! Philip!"
All three heads turned abruptly to look at JC when he mentioned the name. Justin stood up and went to JC. "Is that him?" he asked angrily wishing he could kill the guy through the phoneline.
JC didn't answer. "You don't have anything over me! Stop..." JC fell silent as he listened. Then fear came over his expression. "No! Don't you even..."
JC pulled the phone away from his ear and Justin grabbed at it. "HELLO! HELLO?!"
There was only an engage tone. Justin switched off the phone and was about to ask JC what Philip said when the door bell rang.
"I'll get it!" Steven's voice rang out as they heard the sound of his footsteps running down the stairs.
"Steven! NO!" JC yelled and ran for the door. "Steven! Wait! Don't open..."
It was too late. By the time JC got there, the little boy had already opened the door and was staring at the smiling stranger who stood outside. JC turned the corner and came to a sudden halt when he saw the familiar face standing there. Justin and Chris were beside him in a second followed by a panicking Lynn. Justin froze in shock while Lynn grabbed Steven and pulled him to her.
The group stood there in silence while the stranger spoke. "Is this a bad time?" Matt Vance asked, as he saw the group staring at him.