Hi Im Lance

Hi, I'm Lance Chapter 31

This story has just a few chapters left before Lance's story arc comes to a close. I thank all the readers who have been on the journey.

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Meeting No. 110 August 11

"Hi, I'm Ophelia. I'm an alcoholic."

"Hi, Ophelia," the group replied.

"I'm excited to tell you that Kaden and I have set a date. We are getting married in three weeks. We decided to keep it small. Just some family. I mean, we've been through this once before."

She chuckled. Throughout the past year, I couldn't recall her ever saying her husband's name. It was always just her "ex." Surely, she had to have said it; did I just not remember? This was such good news. I was so happy for her.

"To make it even better, tonight is two years for me. I'll get my Two Year chip. I have the confidence that I will make three, four and all the years after that. You people have helped me a lot. And now that Kaden and I will be together again, I will have even more support. So this is a great night for me."

I gave her our wink.

"I appreciate all of you.

"Thank you."

The group clapped.

"Hi, I'm Janine. I'm an alcoholic."

"Hi, Janine," the group replied.

"My news isn't quite as exciting as that, but at least I do have good news. I've actually kept a job for a whole year. Most people do that all the time. Not me. Not Janine. But I did it. I'm sober. That helps a lot. I've been on a few dates. Nothing serious. But I'm okay with that. I'm kind of okay with me right now, which is a good thing.

"I think for the first time, I am not letting alcoholism define me. It's effects on my job or relationships or family always seemed to put boundaries around those things. Now ... life just seems like life.

"Thanks."

The group clapped.

"Hi, I'm Branson. I guess I'm an alcoholic."

"Hi, Branson," the group replied.

"I came to a meeting before this. I was too terrified to say anything. It's kind of nice to hear these ladies say good things. It really does give me hope that maybe I can turn things around.

"See this paper? My license is suspended until I come to 10 meetings. I'm in no rush. My car is totaled."

Been there, done that. I could still picture that country road.

"My family has given up on me. None of them want to see me. They've seen me drunk too many times. I'm not a good drunk. I'm argumentative. I don't even need to have a different point of view. I will argue about anything — just to argue. The next day I tell them, `It was just the alcohol talking,' but they remind me it comes out of my mouth.

"It's starting to affect my work. I didn't think it was. My last review was terrible. You know what that bad review did? It made me drink. Two days later, it's lucky I didn't kill myself in that wreck. So it was nice to hear the good news tonight ... or shares ... or whatever this is that I'm doing a terrible job at.

"Thanks for listening."

The group clapped.

I let the others put the chairs away.

"Hi, Branson. I'm Lance."

"Hi. Sorry my speech was sort of depressing."

"This is a safe space. It is why it works so well. I just wanted to introduce myself to you. I was you 14 months ago. I had to get 10 signatures too. I've now been to more than 100 meetings I would imagine. Stay with it. Don't give up. Life is going to get better for you. Often several of us go out after meetings. If you feel up to joining us, feel free to do so. It's usually coffee. I'm not a coffee person. Occasionally I can steer them into a milkshake."

I chuckled. He smiled. I also gave him my phone number in case he needed to call someone. Someone who wouldn't judge.

I saw another gentleman I didn't know. I had become so accustomed to meeting members at the gym, making sure newcomers felt welcome was one of my personal goals. He was Black; I found him rather handsome.

"Hi, I'm Lance. Are you new to the group?"

"I'm actually visiting. I'm Kaden. I'm Ophelia's ex-husband, soon to be her husband again."

"Oh my gosh!! How awesome to meet you! I'd like you to meet my partner."

I motioned Jakob over.

"This is Kaden. Ophelia's Kaden."

"Hi, I'm Jakob. With a K."

"We think the world of Ophelia. She's amazing. This whole group loves O. We're super happy for you."

As I talked to him, I was suddenly overcome with the memory of me fucking his soon-to-be wife. My whole body shut down in that instant. I found it harder to breathe. That was so long ago, but at that moment, it was haunting me. What was my expression conveying? Did it still say, "Nice to meet you"? Or did it say, "I look guilty"? What if it said, "I fucked your wife"? My palms felt so sweaty. I wiped them on my jeans.

She straddled my chest, and my fingers went to work. She leaned back to fondle my cock. I had just come; I wasn't getting hard again — for a woman. But it felt nice. For some reason I was getting a charge out of pleasuring O. With her above me this time, I could see what a beautiful woman she really was. Her pussy was quite wet, and I stimulated it clearly to satisfaction. Minutes into it, she did manage to get me hard again. My fingers played her cunt like a maestro, and she squealed in her second orgasm, her body writhing above me and on my fingers.

"Ohhhh, sweetie. You need to go home or I'm gonna want to do this all night."

"I believe you are the one who helped my darling get her job."

"Oh. Just introductions is all. Yes, right. I'm Lance."

Inside my brain I had assumed the role of the Wicked Witch in the The Wizard of Oz. "I'm meltiiinnggg" was truly what my body was screaming.

—

Jakob had a shift at QT tonight. I had told Evan we wouldn't be home for dinner. I expected to be out for the evening with Jason, my boss, and his father. It didn't take as long as I had expected. I wasn't sure what to make of the conversation. I would have to think about it for a while. They said I had a few weeks to give them an answer.

When I opened the apartment door, I heard a woman scream. I whirled my body around. She screamed again, but it was more of a moan. Then I heard Evan moan. I closed the door softly.

Evan's bedroom door was closed, but just open a crack. I could tell the lights were off, but there was a hint of a candle fragrance that had wafted into the living room. Both of them moaned some more.

I smiled and walked into my bedroom. I felt odd just sitting there, so I turned on the news. With the door closed, I couldn't hear much of their lovemaking. Occasionally she would squeal. It got a bit louder, but if I could recognize a man's moans, Evan was close to his climax.

"Ooooo," she squealed. I remembered that female cry from my college days. "Evaaaaaaann. OOOOO. Fuck me, yes."

He grunted. His groan began its crescendo. "Yeah! Ohhhhh! Oh YES!"

And there it was. I turned up the television. Listening to the two of them made me hard. Whatever he was doing following his orgasm made her scream in ecstasy. "Ohhhh, yes! YES! Keep that up. FUCK YES!"

It was quiet.

Three minutes later there was a soft knock on my door.

"Come in."

"Hi. I ... um ... didn't know you were home," Evan said, sticking his head in.

"So I gathered," I said with a smile.

"I figured you wouldn't be home until later. So, I ... anyway ... I ... we ..."

"Everything's fine, Evan," I smiled. "Perhaps I'll meet her in the morning?"

Evan stepped in. He was holding a bottled water and standing completely naked. Evan virtually never showed his body to me. He ate well, so his body was pretty fit. He wanted to exercise more than he currently was, but his body looked fine. His dick was still slightly red from his orgasm, but was hanging limp, about three inches at the moment.

"I was grabbing us a water and heard your television. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I had invited her over."

"Evan, please. I brought home a homeless guy, remember?"

"She's kind of great. We've only seen each other for a couple of weeks now, but ... I thought the sex was kind of hot. I might circle back to you for some pointers one day." He winked at me and closed the door.

—

We were wrapping up breakfast. Jakob had this Saturday off. It was nice that we were able to sleep in.

"Trent didn't say what he wanted to show us?" Jakob asked.

"No. We were walking the track at the gym yesterday and he just asked us to come over for lunch. He wanted to show us `something.'"

"Honestly, must everything be so mysterious these days?"

Two hours later we were in the car driving over.

"Are you excited about seeing Anson tonight?" I asked.

"Incredibly. It's been almost 10 years. I still can't believe he is coming from Wisconsin to see me. Well, and other stops on his vacation as well."

"I feel bad he has to sleep on the couch."

"I'm sure he'll be fine, angel."

I was really glad that Jakob had reconnected with his high school crush, but also wondered if it would open wounds of being kicked out of his house. He had made such great strides reconnecting with his family. Would Anson be a trigger to dark times?

We pulled up to Mike and Trent's house. They had lived in the place just under two months. Everything was in and put in place. Trent had asked Jakob for his advice on the guest room and living room. Jakob was thrilled, of course. Mike went along with whatever the two decided.

We rang the bell.

Trent smiled a huge smile as he opened the door. I had to wonder what he was up to.

"You're being very secretive," I said.

"Follow me."

We were led to the back door. It was there that we had our first glimpse of Amadeus. He was a two-month-old Border Collie. He was adorable. We opened the door, and the puppy came running up to us. He didn't bark; it was if he was happy to see us even though he had never met us.

"I LOVE him!" Jakob screamed.

"I know," Trent said. "He's awesome. We took him from the shelter. We're thrilled to give him a home."

"Well, I can relate to that," Jakob said.

Trent's expression changed, wondering if he had worded something poorly. Jakob seemed perfectly fine. Mike looked at me and winked. Trent had never had a dog. We knew this was a big thing.

"By the way, you two are his godparents ... or dogparents. If we need to take a trip, we're leaving you in charge of him," Mike said.

"Absolutely," said Jakob. "We sure will. Yes, we will, won't we, boy?"

Within seconds, Jakob was on the ground letting Amadeus crawl all over him.

"What about Ethan? I would assume with him having Sascha, he'd be your go-to guy," I said.

"There's that too. We're hoping he will come visit from time to time. We hope Sascha and Amadeus get along, but there's no guarantee. We'll see," said Mike.

"How do you feel about Ethan coming over?" I softly asked Trent.

"Eh. I'm fine with it. We get along. Mike has made me feel very comfortable that I never have to worry about Ethan. Besides, fuck it. I'm the one with the wedding band."

I laughed.

It was hard to leave the dog alone, but we were encouraged to go in for lunch. The boys had simple things prepared — homemade soup, turkey sandwiches and multigrain chips.

"Tell me about this Anson," said Mike.

"When my family kicked me out, Anson's family took me in," Jakob said.

"Right. Wow. That was really big of them. Then what happened?"

"You know this, I think. They were great. Anson was my first boyfriend. They were very accepting people. He and I were close. They knew I was interested in Anson before I told my family. We had kind of been an item for a few weeks. Then I owned up to it with my family, and ... well, suffered the consequences."

"And they moved that summer, right?" Trent asked.

"Yeah, near the end. I didn't expect them to ask me to come along. I was 18 at that time. That would have been a huge burden on them — and me. I could tell they were heartbroken though. I knew they felt they were casting me to the wolves, but they had opened their hearts and their home to me. I couldn't have been more grateful. They gave me an envelope of a few hundred dollars to help me out."

"That couldn't have lasted long," Mike said.

"No. I fluked into being a roommate with an employee at the restaurant I started working at. I got by. Barely."

"And then things didn't go so well," Mike said.

"Nope. I just tried to get through one day at a time. Within a few years, that involved drinking. Too much."

Mike walked around to hold Jakob from behind, resting his chin on Jakob's shoulder. "I hate hearing these stories. I'm so sorry life dealt you a crappy hand."

"I'd do it all again — all of it, even the homeless part — if I knew it would lead me to Lance."

I wiped a tear from my eye.

"I'm not worth nine years of hell, baby," I said softly.

"You're worth everything to me. People say there is a reason bad things happen. I believe it was for us to find each other."

"I kind of feel that way about my car wreck."

"My lord, you two are so meant for each other," Mike said. "It's heartwarming just to listen to the two of you."

"So. Anson. You've reconnected," said Trent. "What has his world been like?"

"I'm not sure. We've talked so much about me; I haven't heard everything about him. I'll ... we'll ... find out tonight. I know he feels incredibly guilty for leaving me. I've spent a few weeks convincing him I have never been angry. He's internalized a lot of guilt."

"How long were you two ... um ... a couple," Mike asked.

"And how do you feel about Anson coming over?" Trent asked me back.

"After the words he just said, I'm totally fine with it."

"Anson and I were first ... lovers ... isn't the word. I guess just boyfriends. We did have sex at his house. Easy stuff. Oral. No fucking. Lots and lots of kissing. Sorry. This is a bit TMI."

"No worries," Mike said.

"And his parents were okay with ... everything?" Trent asked.

"Yep."

"That's so NOT like what I had," Trent said.

"And remember MY family?" Jakob added.

Jakob ate a couple of chips.

"We were boyfriends for a few months. Then I think it just mellowed into a regular friendship. I mean, we slept together still. Sometimes naked. But we weren't romantic that summer. We would occasionally hold each other in bed, but that was about it. We were comfortable with that. It's not like we were dating anyone else. It just sort of became a friendship."

"I hate to say it, but that's a very simplified version of what happened to Ethan and me," Mike said.

"Maybe Evan and Kristy too," I said.

"I take it Anson is unattached right now. No one is with him?" Trent asked.

"He says he isn't seeing anyone. I guess I'll get the big picture tonight."

We cleared the table. I glanced around. The rooms looked really nice. In a small way, I was feeling jealous. I wish Jakob and I could have something like this one day. Financially, we were nowhere near this point. How cool it would be to be their neighbor. Even with both of us doing better, we haven't saved up near enough for a down payment. It's not like I had a play to sell someone either.

Trent pulled Jakob into the living room. Mike seemed to have the last of it in hand in the kitchen, so I went over to join the two.

"Jakob, I'm starting a new play."

"Wonderful," Jakob replied.

"I'm enjoying the writing process again, but ..."

"But?"

"The lead character will experience some things you have experienced. I don't want to take it any further if you feel this will be hurtful. I would never do anything that would hurt you."

"Aw. You're sweet. Don't be concerned. I saw how you handled things with the first play. I'm assuming it is not a biography about me, right?"

He chuckled. "Right. Just some similar experiences. I think the emotions can be raw. I wouldn't begin to know how you dealt with things or felt about things. I'm just writing circumstances but not the Jakob Morgan story."

"I'm sure it will be wonderful."

"I'm glad you are writing again," I added.

"I know. The house is in good shape. Ed retired three weeks ago, so that co-host transition has gone well. I feel the time to do it is now. I'm ready to really dive in. Plus, now that I have Amadeus, I have checked so many boxes."

"Yes. Let's go see him again," Jakob said, sounding like a 10-year-old.

—

We pulled into our parking lot at about 4 o'clock. Anson said he should be arriving in town shortly after 5. Evan was out with Wendy. We had the place looking nice.

We started layering the lasagna at about 5 o'clock. When Anson arrived, we'd have it ready to go. We had salad made also.

At 5:20, he knocked on our door. I really had no mental picture. I wasn't sure what to expect. Anson was about five-foot-eight, shorter than Jakob by an inch or two, but I had to admit he was super adorable. He had a great tight beard, supremely trimmed, dark brown. He had a bit of a gut, but by no means would be considered overweight — by much. Not as bad as when I was packing it on during the heavy drinking.

I shook his hand when Jakob introduced us.

"How hungry are you? We have things ready to put in the oven, but there is no rush. We know you've been driving."

"Thanks. I'm good. Whenever you two are ready is fine with me. I ate shortly after noon, so I'm okay for a little while."

We targeted 6:30. We all sat down in the living room.

"I'm sorry. I should have asked if I could bring something. I kind of figured we'd just go out. I should have brought a bottle of wine. Forgive me."

I was going to let Jakob field that one. I didn't know how much he would want to share.

"I guess there is no point in hiding it. Anson, I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for over a year. Lance, too. That's how we met. I developed a drinking problem a few years ago."

"Gah! I'm so sorry, Jakob. I don't know how you aren't mad at me."

"It's not your fault! You didn't put drinks in my hand."

"If my family hadn't moved, the two of us could have gotten a place. We would have looked out for each other."

"It's not your fault, Anson," Jakob said, sitting down next to him and putting a hand on his arm. "Tell me about your parents."

"They're fine. They're great, I guess."

"They sound like wonderful people," I interjected. "I'm very moved by the kindness of your family."

"Oh. Thanks. Until we up and move and aren't much better than his parents. Oh. Sorry. That wasn't very nice."

"Neither are they," Jakob said. "Or were. I've reconnected with them. Mom and Teresa are awesome. Even Keaton isn't too bad."

"Your dad still not on board, huh?"

"Not so much. But we can at least talk civilly."

"And you two are getting married?" he said, looking at the both of us.

"Yes. Mid-October. I fell for Jakob pretty quickly," I said. "I can't picture my life without him."

"Aw. Good for you two."

"How about you?" Jakob asked. "Seeing anybody?"

"Well, Wisconsin isn't this gay hotbed, but there are gay people there ... to some degree. We're everywhere. It isn't easy to find someone like it is here. Particularly with this being a college town."

"You haven't been unattached these past 10 years, have you?"

"No. I fell in love once. We were together for about two years. He had previously been in a long-term relationship with someone almost 10 years older. He lost him to AIDS."

"Oh, wow. That's sad," we both said.

"Yeah. We were good. For the most part. I think the sorrow eventually caused him to become distant. He pushed me away. I tried to be understanding. He kind of wanted out. Part of me thinks he is scared to go through that again."

"But you're not ..."

"No. I'm fine. I think it will be tough for him to be in a serious relationship again. If he would see a therapist, that could help. I'm not sure if he will."

We didn't know what to say.

"And since then, I've been supremely single. Like no dates. At all."

"I'm sorry, Anson," Jakob said.

"Don't be. I'm okay on my own."

I got up to get us all a glass of tea. I turned on the oven.

"Why don't you bring your suitcase in," I said. "We have a washer/dryer if you need to do anything. How long have you been on your trip so far?"

"Only four days. I'm fine. But thank you."

He brought in his luggage. He opened it up.

"Here's a letter from Mom and Dad," he said, giving it to Jakob.

"Oh my gosh. How wonderful."

"Just read it later."

Anson also brought a picture of the two of them from their senior year.

"Aw, look at you two. You're so young. Young sweethearts." I thought the picture was cute. Jakob blushed.

The oven chimed after a few more minutes of conversation. I needed to put the lasagna in.

"Excuse me."

After that, I went to the bedroom to quickly go pee. As I came back out, I heard Jakob say under his breath: "... and he's hung like you wouldn't believe."

I went up to him and whispered in his ear, "It's just a dick. Please don't let that be my defining attribute."

He kissed me on the cheek. "Okay, angel."

We enjoyed conversation over dinner. Anson complimented us on our lasagna. I wasn't sure how to bond with Anson. I was polite but had no shared memories. I wasn't jealous, but I also kept circling back that they used to be a couple. I guess most people who date deal with such circumstances. It was new for me.

Jakob seemed very interested in Anson's parents. I couldn't blame him; they seemed so caring.

I offered to take care of the dishes so they could continue visiting in the living room. Jakob ventured into some of the darker times he had to go through. I could tell by Anson's expression that he took on even more guilt. That wasn't fair.

He came in to get more tea. "Dinner was great. Thank you again, Lance."

"You're welcome. We have a great milkshake place not far from here if you'd like to grab some dessert later."

"Sweet. That sounds fun. My treat."

He poured more tea and got some more ice cubes. He started to walk out, but then turned back to me. Jakob had gone into our bathroom.

"Thank you, Lance."

"I'm sorry ...?"

"For everything you've done for Jakob. I've never forgiven myself. Now hearing about the alcohol and abuse and ... being homeless ...? My God. I'm so glad he survived."

"He's a survivor. Just the other day he said he wouldn't change a thing because it brought us together. I thought it was very sweet. I am sure not worth all those years of abuse, but we are so happy together. Insanely happy. Just know we are in a good place."

My hands were in the dishwater. Anson hugged me from behind. "Thank you."

He returned to the living room. My cell rang. I looked. I was astonished to see the caller. It was Randall.

"Jeez, it's old home week," I said to myself.

I dried my hands and answered.

"Hey there. How are you?"

"Good. I guess."

"Everything okay? You don't sound sure."

"It is. Still kind of dealing with changes. The divorce is final. I'm living on my own. New job. I still attend the church, but I can't say I'm comfortable with it. I feel like I'm under a microscope. I'm not sure how long that will last."

"There are other congregations."

"Yeah." He paused. "I had a date last night."

"Well, good. How did it go?"

"It was nice. It was simple. I was very straightforward with him. I told him my past. That I was new to ... 'coming out.' He seemed pretty understanding. We're seeing each other again next weekend. His work schedule is pretty busy, but we've dedicated the whole day next Saturday to spend together."

"Okay."

"Lance, I'm scared. I ... seem so alone in this world. I don't know what to do. It's scary. I don't want to come off as an idiot, but ... it's nice to be myself around guys — I like that — but I feel like they know everything, and I know nothing."

"Like what? What don't you know?"

"How to act? What to say? Things about sex. What is expected of me?"

"Randall, that's anybody anywhere who has ever dated. It's not like gay people have different rules. If this guy is fine with where you are in your life, I'm sure he can be understanding. If he's not, then let the next one."

"He seems quite nice. He's three years older than us."

"Jakob's older than me too."

"What if I'm lousy at being gay."

I laughed. "Were you perfect pretending to be straight?"

"Oh, heavens no. We waited until we got married to have sex. I was a nervous wreck. It was fine. It was nice. And then the two of us just sort of found our own way together."

"Exactly. From what I recall, you're a great kisser." I looked out into the living room and then turned away. "I know enjoyed my first blowjob."

"Our nights together were fun."

"Just be yourself, Randall. That's who he should get to know and learn to like. Why would you want him to fall for someone you're not? Hey, and be safe. Okay? Tell me you'll be safe."

"Yeah. We just kissed once last night. That's all. I'm not sure when I'll be ready for sex. I have issues of faith with it, but thinking back to what you and I did ... I'm sure I will want it soon."

"Stay with the kissing and do what you are comfortable with. Nothing's more attractive than someone who can be honest. My first college crush is now my best friend. I was actually in love with him. We were so honest with each other. That's what really brought us together."

"What if he doesn't like my dick. I'm not as big as you."

"That means nothing. Jakob and I are very different." I looked back into the living room. "And we're great. Plus, I had lots of fun with you. Randall, seriously. Just be you."

"Thanks, Lance."

"We have company. I should probably go. But I'm glad you called. Call anytime. And keep me posted. Good luck."

—

We got back from Udder Delights around 10. Anson had wanted to see some of the town and see what had changed. We asked if he would like to go dancing, but he said he was too tired for that.

We waited for Evan to get home. He enjoyed his night with Wendy, but her roommate had family home. He wasn't spending the night.

We introduced Anson and visited a bit, but then Evan turned in. Anson had had a long day, so I went to get some sheets, a pillow and a blanket.

I went to get some sheets, a pillow and a blanket. Xavier had put things in my room. Oliver was brushing his teeth in his room. Mom and Dad had turned in.

"Um. Hi. Can I brush my teeth really quick?" I asked Xavier. He nodded.

I left the bathroom door open. Xavier had stripped off his jeans. His legs were hairy. I liked that. His underwear was on the skimpy side. I could see the outline of his cock. I wanted to see the real thing. He stepped from side to side, so I took a step back so I could see more of the bedroom. He stepped back into view after he had taken off his T-shirt. His bright reddish-brown chest hair mesmerized me. I wondered when my chest hair would start growing. I wanted a hairy chest too.

Xavier saw me looking at him. I stepped forward to spit. I rinsed. I left slightly embarrassed that he saw me looking. I quickly moved to the bedroom door.

"There's juice and water in the fridge if you need anything in the middle of the night," I said, turning for one last look.

"Thanks, kid," he said. He followed me and shut the door.

I wanted to stare at him for hours. I wanted to lie next to him in bed. I had never thought that about anyone. I wasn't sure why I was even thinking it. I just wanted to be next to him.

"Do you remember when your parents saw me lying next to you on your bed?" Jakob said.

"We had our clothes on. It was no big deal," Anson replied.

"We were close. Really close. You had just kissed me."

"No big deal."

"If you think about what happened at my house a month later, you can see why I think it is a big deal," Jakob firmly said.

I sat the sheets down.

"I'm so sorry we only have the couch to offer," I said.

"Lance. Please. No worries at all. It's just nice to see you two. I'm just so sorry it took so long for us to reconnect."

"It was actually Lance and Trent that encouraged me to find you."

"I'm glad they did. I'm glad you two are together."

"Me too," I said reaching for Jakob's hand. "He's tired. Let's let him get some sleep."

"Good night, bear," Jakob said. "Remember when I used to call you that?"

Anson smiled. We walked to the bedroom and let him prepare his bedding. We shut our door.

I went in to brush my teeth. When I came out, Jakob was holding the letter. Tears were running down his face.

"Baby? What is it?"

He handed me the letter.

"Dear Jakob,

We are thrilled that you and Anson have reconnected. Even more so, we are happy to know that you are okay. Our decision all those years ago has weighed heavily on our hearts.

We picked up and moved so far away. It just didn't seem right at the time to take you with us. It seemed unfair. But looking back, what was really unfair was leaving you alone — again. Handing you some money seemed like a gesture to help at the time, but it wasn't what you needed. You needed someone to believe in you. It breaks our heart to know that we did, but we just didn't show it. We regret everything.

It is unthinkable for us to think you can possibly ever forgive us, but deep in our souls, that is what we want more than anything. You were like a second son for those months. We loved having you there.

When Anson asked months later if anyone knew how you were, no one did. I guess you had no phone or no one knew your number. We felt horrible.

Please know we loved you. We missed you. We knew you were a wonderful person. Not asking if you wanted to come was the biggest mistake of our lives.

We care,

Todd and Peggy Petrielo"

Their phone, address and email were provided.

Jakob couldn't stop crying.

"Talk to me."

"I – I – I don't know why I'm crying. I really don't."

"What do you feel?"

"I don't know. I loved them. They were the nicest people. And to think they felt they did me wrong after they took me in and gave me a home for six months. All this time, they just wanted to be forgiven."

"Do you think you would have gone with them to Wisconsin?"

"To be honest, I don't even know. It has been so long. I had the simplest of jobs. My family and a few friends were here. But I had nothing. I don't know if that safety net would have been enough to make me go with them." He took a gulp through his tears. "I don't know why this hit me the way it did."

He took a deep breath and seemed to be okay.

"Do you plan on communicating with them?"

"Oh, absolutely. They are carrying too much burden. I'll write them a long letter. They need to know I'm in a good place. I want them to know that I am happy and don't blame them for anything. Ever. Not for a second."

"Sounds nice. I'm glad," I said, taking off the last of my clothes.

We kissed and turned out the lights. Jakob rolled into my arms. My fingers rubbed through his chest hair. We held feet.

"So. Is it odd to know your first boyfriend is out there in the living room?"

"No. It's nice to reconnect. Anson was really the only person I would consider a best friend or a close friend until this last year. Now I have Mike and Trent and Cooper and Ophelia. Most of all, I have you."

My hand moved down to feel the fuzz on his balls. My fingers caressed them tenderly.

"And I have you," I whispered into his ear.

I wondered if Anson questioned letting Jakob get away. Their youthful romance shifted into a friendship, but seeing him now, did he wish they had become more? If so, Jakob probably would have gone with them. I used to question if I had accepted things earlier, Trent and I could be together. Had things continued with Anson, Jakob and I could be living completely different lives. It was hard for me to even picture that. I couldn't fathom my life without Jakob in it.

My hand moved back up to his chest to pull him closer to me. I pulled his body into mine as tightly as I could.

—

The next day was Sunday. Everyone in the apartment slept in.

We let Anson use our shower as the rest of us fixed breakfast. We had whipped up some fierce omelets when he emerged looking fresh for the day. Anson was cute. I wasn't jealous by any means, but I admitted that he had a handsome allure to a certain degree.

After we showered following breakfast, Jakob wanted to show Anson where he worked. Marshal was working, and Anson was introduced to Jakob's boss. Marshal spoke incredibly highly of Jakob. Anson had felt so much guilt about Jakob's past. Hopefully these brighter moments helped him feel better. I didn't carry any animosity toward Anson's family like I did Jakob's own. Hearing of those harsh years had to weigh heavily on Anson.

I looked at Jakob's handiwork on several displays. Visions was a unique place. Part store, part rentals, part service. Marshal really had a special niche. Jakob fit in so well. Who knew this would be the right thing for him? He exceled at this just as Trent did on the radio. I momentarily flashed on Jakob's first day in my apartment and how he made it look better simply by spending an afternoon there. Evan had come along with us on this trip. He had only been to Visions once before. His time today was a little eye-opening. All of us, including Marshal, complimented my fiancé.

For lunch, Anson asked if Parma Sean's was still around. I assured him that my old college haunt was still thriving. Trent and I spent many a night there. I didn't miss a lot of things about college, but those evenings were wonderful memories for me.

Jakob and I always did an AA meeting on the weekend. We fluctuated between Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes our Wednesday night group would be there. It was often dictated by our schedules, but other times we discussed it over coffee following the Wednesday evening. Our AA family was important; I never ever forgot that.

Jakob and Anson went for a walk in the park in late afternoon. It was fairly warm/borderline hot as summer made a strong finale for the year. A cool front was supposed to arrive in a few days. The whole town was ready. While they were gone, I again wondered what feelings were stirred up with Jakob. The visit was going very well. Did he long for the days with Anson? Any remnants of that initial crush? What would the world be like if he had gone to Wisconsin? Mine without Jakob would be miserable. Something reminded me every day how much I loved him.

The boys returned before dinnertime. Anson said he wanted to treat us this evening. Jakob said he would like to shower before our meeting; something seemed off to me. Anson said he would go pick up Chinese. Evan was out on a date.

As I sat on the bed, I heard the water pouring over Jakob's body in the shower. Part of me just wanted to watch him. That seemed silly. I wish I had though.

Minutes later he walked toward the bedroom naked with a towel rubbing as much moisture from his hair that it could. I just looked at him. He noticed me staring.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Thinking. Looking. Nothing."

Clearly, my answer made no sense. He stopped in front of me. I reached up to hold his penis. No matter its size, I loved holding it.

"Lance? Is anything wrong?"

"No. Not really." I stood. I held him in my arms. Parts of his body were still damp. I was surprised as I held him that my body started to tremble. I couldn't make it stop.

"Angel? You're shaking. What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I – I – I guess I let me thoughts run away with me. It's nothing. I ..." He put a finger under my chin to make me look at him. My hand went back to his penis. "I guess I was thinking about you going with Anson's family to Wisconsin all those years ago. I just let things spiral on me. I started picturing my life without you." I started to tremble again. My voice quivered. "I – I hated picturing it. I love you, Jakob. You are so important to me. I don't ever want to be without you."

He held me tight. "I'm here." As he squeezed me harder, I felt his cock get erect in my grip. It took a moment, but I stopped shaking. "I love you, angel. I will always be here."

My face leaned in to kiss his. A wave of passion overtook us. Between kisses and "I love you" said by both of us, our emotions ignited. His towel dropped to the floor. Our hands groped our partner. We kissed like it was the last day we would see each other. I couldn't tell if I told him I loved him three, five or ninety times. Our lips were merged.

Finally we held each other tight. His spike pressed into my crotch. My mouth was next to his ear. "I adore you," I whispered. He squeezed me as if rescuing me from a burning building. "I crave you," I followed.

I dropped down to the edge of the bed and maneuvered his cock into my mouth. We knew Anson wouldn't be back for at least ten more minutes. Jakob stood before me and let me consume his tantalizing flesh. My face sucked and licked and lubricated his erection for long minutes, never letting it go. His fingers combed through my hair as my fingers explored his butt crack, my grip pushing him deeper into my throat. I hummed in my appreciation of his hard organ. He moaned in appreciation of me servicing it.

I had never given him a complete blowjob with him in a standing position. He called my name, he uttered groans of pleasure, his hands roamed from my hair to my shoulders.

"Laaaaaance. Oh, angel. I'm there. I'm there, Lance."

The liquid warming the back of my throat lifted my spirits. I felt ultimately connected to the man I loved. With one last lunge, the final emission of cum released into my mouth. I held him in place. I didn't want him to remove his cock from my face.

I breathed in Jakob and his skin and his flesh and his crotch and his bush and his balls. I inhaled it all.

And then I stood. I swallowed the last bit of cum on my tongue and kissed him deeply.

"I really needed that, angel. Thank you."

"So did I. I could spend all night telling you I love you. Don't ever leave me."

"Never. I'm yours forever. We are forever."

I kissed him deeply again.

—

Jakob was quiet during the meeting. Neither of us shared. I thought Anson's visit may have prompted some emotions. But Jakob was quiet. We both were glad we went. We felt we needed the meeting.

—

Once we had all turned in. Jakob held me in his arms.

"Honey, am I bad person if I am glad that you didn't go off to Wisconsin?"

"Hm?"

"If you left with Anson's family, I would not be in your arms right now. I can't bear to even picture that."

"You'd be in the arms of a much better looking person than me."

"Nothing could come close to it being this perfect."

He pressed me into his body further. I fell asleep minutes later.

* * * *

This chapter has more backstory. Look for a post "Reconnected" at timothylane414stories.blogspot.com

Email: timothylane414@gmail.com