Hi, I'm Lance Chapter 30
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Meeting No. 99 July 3
"Hi, I'm Lance. I'm an alcoholic."
"Hi, Lance," the group replied.
"One year ago today, I was in a car wreck. I'm lucky I didn't kill myself. When I was in the hospital that night, I knew I was done with drinking. So, when I go to bed tonight, it will have been one year. I'm excited to get my One Year chip.
"It's made more special because Ophelia is chairperson and gets to give it to me. Some friends are away because of the holiday weekend, but I have very special friends here. My best friends. I also have the greatest parents in the world. They came to see me. For this." I looked at my parents. They smiled at me. Dad gave me a nod. "I love you Mom and Dad. Above all, I have Jakob. He's my rock. This place, this community ... is a family. I appreciate you all being here when we share. I know I am touched by your stories.
"I'm not a shy person. All my friends will tell you that. I'm too blunt. You'd think that would be a person that had great courage. I don't think that's me. I have a lot of fears. It still scares me that I could have let alcohol ruin everything. At first, it was just a drink. It was fun. Then it was more. More fun, I thought. Then it was an answer for things that went wrong. I would get depressed, and then I would drink to suppress it. Sadly, it doesn't really work that way. I was not a happy drunk. But I became a drunk.
"In my first meeting, I didn't think I belonged here. Not me. I wasn't as bad as all these people. They had problems. I just enjoyed a drink here or there. But after weeks of drinking four or five a day, the problem had set in. I managed through my new job, but I wasn't at my best. I let my weight get out of control. I hurt relationships with friends. Thank goodness most of them stuck with me through it. I could have ruined it all. Then there was a wreck. I could have killed myself.
"My father is a source of strength. He doesn't know it. When he looked at me in the hospital, I knew I had failed. I vowed never to let him see me that way again. I knew I needed to be better. He has encouraged me my whole life."
I saw Dad use a finger to wipe a tear from his eye.
"So one year later, here I am. I'm happy. I know full well that I have been fortunate to have good people in my life. Not everyone is so blessed. But I am so grateful ... GRATEFUL ... that I am. They make me a better person.
"One of the AA steps is to make amends to people we have harmed. I'm about the youngest person in ... in this group. I continuously find that sad — and humiliating. Despite my shame, if there is a bright side of some sort, I had less of an opportunity to harm much anyone else. Just me. I had two friends stick with me as I started down my dark spiral. They should have just cut me off from their lives. But they didn't."
Trent was crying. I could tell he had a napkin from the coffee table. He was wiping his eyes. I asked him to come so that he would be proud of me. I hoped I hadn't made him sad. Mike had his arm around him.
"They came with me my first night. Right here. A year ago. I was terrified. I knew so bad — so bad — that I never wanted to drink again, but I couldn't picture my life without it. The first couple of weeks were tough. I hope they knew how much I appreciated them helping me through."
Mike nodded to me.
"The AA steps are based on turning your life over to a higher power to restore your sanity. It can be interpreted however a member wishes. I don't – don't really believe in God. Or I didn't. It's funny, my fiancé does. I sometimes say a prayer of thanks for him. He makes me believe there is a God watching over me. And that makes me say thanks for so many more things. Like I said, I really am happy now. New members are advised to not date your first year. We kind of didn't plan on it. It just happened. There are good reasons not to enter a relationship, but for us it worked. He makes me happy. The two of us are stronger together. Sober.
"Thank you."
The group clapped. Ophelia stood to hand me my One Year chip. The applause got louder.
Dad helped Mike and me arrange the chairs for the next meeting. So that family and friends could attend, I came to an open meeting. I was glad Ophelia was willing to switch. Mom was so delighted to see Jakob — as happy as she was to see me, I believe. Ophelia hugged me and apologized for not being able to join us for dinner. I knew she and her ex-husband were moving forward with their relationship. It sounded promising.
Trent took a picture of me holding the chip.
"I'm so proud of you, buddy. What a great man you have turned out to be."
"You do realize this is for alcoholism, right?"
"No. It is for strength and courage and dedication — traits of a great man."
Evan was there too. He had never been to a meeting. He watched it all with intrigue.
"I'm sure that isn't easy to do. Does everyone talk each week?" he asked.
"No. As you can see, not everyone did tonight. But when you feel like you have something to share, you can. You should have seen it the first time I did. I was rambling all over the place."
"From the time I moved in to now, a year later, you have come so far, Lance. You're a great human being." Evan moved in to hug me.
We had a table for eight, but O couldn't join us. Jakob liked Basil and Chianti, so we brought my parents there. It was a nice dinner. Everyone loved Italian.
Mom was sitting across from Jakob. Mike and Trent could easily tell she was infatuated with him. I was thrilled the two of them had bonded this past year.
The evening was delightful. Conversation seemed to engage each one of us. Everyone at the table interacted and felt validated. I felt they offered too much praise for my accomplishment. I tried to wave it off as if it was no big deal, but even as I did that, my fingers touched the outline of the chip in my jeans pocket. I was proud. I really had been given a second chance at life. That car wreck could have ended it all or worse — maimed me to where I couldn't take care of myself for the rest of my life. Once again, happiness just swept over me as it does at times. I felt so unworthy, but at the same time ... damn it, I was proud.
Our server cleared the dishes. We had refused any dessert.
"Mom, Dad, there is one other thing. You don't have any commitment for October 16, do you?"
"I can't think of anything that month at all," Mom said.
"Good. We want you to come back that weekend."
"Oh? Okay. Anything happening on that date?" Dad asked.
"Yes. Jakob and I are getting married."
Mom shrieked. The entire restaurant turned. Dad was all smiles.
"You are the only ones here at the table who didn't know," I said. "We just told Evan last week."
Mom came around to hug us both.
"Is everything planned? Do you need help with anything?"
"That's just it. This is what Jakob does at work. I didn't want it to be work. We're just keeping it simple. Trent's friends have said we can use their lake house. No decorations. I don't want Jakob to have to obsess over it. It's just going to be simple — about 20 people if that."
"We'll spend the night there, then Lance and I will drive to Colorado for our honeymoon," Jakob jumped in.
"How nice," Mom said.
"Congratulations, boys," Dad offered.
Mom looked at Jakob. "You really let him talk you into not going to town with decorations, huh?"
"At first, I resisted. But when I thought about it, he was right. I'd be worried about flowers, or an arrangement, or table decorations. I just felt by not worrying about any of that, I could just concentrate on the two of us."
"Jakob, how is your family with it?" Evan asked.
"I haven't told them yet. But will. Eventually. Maybe."
We all laughed.
"You wouldn't believe how overboard some people get with their weddings," Jakob said.
"Oh, yes I would," said Mom.
"Last week, we had this woman drive from Von all the way to Jackson Bend to make arrangements. I guess there aren't a lot of options there," Jakob said.
"He's being modest," I interjected. "That person had heard about Jakob's work from another customer. She wanted his touch."
"That's amazing," Trent said. "Wow. What a compliment."
"He's already had a bump in pay," I reported.
"I'm planning on giving up QT after the wedding. I'll work there up to then to save a little extra for the honeymoon. I will miss those people though."
"It will be nice just having him no longer taken up by two jobs."
"We've handled it well," Jakob said.
Everyone gathered at Mike and Trent's house, including Evan. The guys had the guest room all prepared. Mom and Dad were staying there. Trent insisted they not get a hotel. That let them extend their visit. There was no way to accommodate them at the apartment.
"I'm sorry. We still have a few boxes around. But we're getting there," said Mike.
"It's nice that he has summers off. He's been great at getting so much put away," Trent said. "But I feel guilty."
"Rest assured, I'm still leaving him some jobs," Mike said.
"You two sound like you've been married for 20 years already," said Dad.
"I hope that's a good thing," said Trent.
My phone buzzed. It was a text from Cooper.
"So sorry to miss your night. Hope it was good."
I took a selfie with the chip. Then I texted it.
"What are you doing?" Jakob asked.
"Cooper texted. He congratulated me on One Year."
Evan apologized for leaving first, but he headed back to the apartment. I wanted to stay and visit with my parents a little longer. Trent dipped us some ice cream.
"I'd like to ask Oliver to come to our wedding. Don't you think he would?" I asked Dad.
"I think he will. I'm never sure with your brother. He seems to have accepted things fine."
I could tell Trent was amused with my family. Instead of Jakob and I sitting together, Mom had him; I sat with Dad. Jakob felt loved with my family. Telling his own family about the wedding was not going to be easy.
Mom noticed the piano. She asked Trent if he would play something. He played the song he had written for Mike and him. She loved it. Then he played his mother's favorite song.
"I actually wrote a song for Lance. I'm not sure if it's ready, but ... I was thinking about playing it but then decided I wasn't sure."
"What??! You're kidding. Me?" I said dumbfounded.
"Yeah. It's called `One Year.' I worked on it after you asked us to join you last week."
We moved in closer. The opening melody was nice. Trent started the vocals.
"One year can sometimes seem like a lifetime.
The bottle steals the song, and the words don't rhyme.
You're lost in the dark, and you have to find the light.
But the things you want don't seem to work out right.
The steps are slow, and the days become long.
Then the weeks and the months start to seem less wrong.
One year.
One year can sometimes seem too much to bear.
Thrown into the world, you choose which adult clothes to wear.
The challenges are hard, and the words are too cold,
But your friends are there and give you the hands to hold.
You find the courage you need and strike out on your own
Higher you climb when you know you're not all alone.
One year.
One year is more than
A trip around the sun.
One year stares you down
And dares you to run.
It's pain and its courage
And it's love all in one.
It's pain and it's courage
And it's love ... all in one.
One year.
One year can sometimes pass in a blink.
It throws you questions `til you forget how to think.
But that one person won't let you get left behind.
That one love was who you were meant to go find.
Time goes so fast that you become swept away.
And the next year begins with its very first day.
One year.
It's pain and it's courage
And it's love all in one.
Lord, grant me a life full of one years.
Lord, give me a life full of one years.
Lord, bless me a life full of one years."
Everyone clapped. Trent looked momentarily shy and blushed. I went to hug him from behind. I kissed the top of his head.
"That was beautiful, buddy. I'm touched," I said. "It was moving. I can't tell you ... wow ... for someone to write a song about you ... it's just ... wow."
I looked at Jakob. He was smiling at me, also impressed.
"You're very talented, Trent," Jakob said. "That was beautiful."
"I might play with it a bit," he said.
"I loved it as it is," I said. "Heck, I can't even sing."
Mom and Dad were misty eyed. I loved that they appreciated my friends. I'm glad they were staying here. Mike and Trent are family. Mom and Dad are family. It's good that they are close.
Jakob and I headed home before it got too late. It seemed strange leaving my parents at Mike and Trent's house, but I knew they were in good hands. I was glad I would get to visit with them some more tomorrow.
—
"Thank you for joining us tonight, Evan," Jakob told him as we entered the apartment. "It meant a lot to Lance."
"It was a nice night," he said. "It's always good to see Uncle Blake and Aunt Carol."
I was in the kitchen getting a flavored water, but I could hear the two talking. I came out and handed a drink to Jakob.
"Evan, can I tell you something," Jakob said.
"I guess."
"I know you are feeling ... a little blue. Surely you know it's okay NOT to be dating someone."
"Yeah. I know. I just see what you guys have. It's ... I don't have that ... it's something I want."
"It will come," I said.
"Absolutely," interjected Jakob. "You're a catch. It will happen. Until then, just enjoy being you. You're awesome, even if it is simply you for now."
"Thanks, Jakob. It must be easier for gay guys. You two just made it work so fast."
"Uh, no. Lance and I worked, but look what happened to me all those years before."
"Yeah. Right. Sorry."
We had all turned in for the night. Before crawling into the sheets, I placed my One Year chip next to Jakob's. He had gotten his five weeks earlier. We both had been so strong. It reminded me that Cooper had to start over. It's just a chip. But it really did mean something.
"Trent's song for you was really nice," Jakob said, leaning over to kiss me good night.
"He's such a good friend. It was nice."
"I can't write songs, but I would be happy to do something to make your night special."
"Oh?"
"Fuck or be fucked?"
"Are you kidding? Evan's here. Either way, it's not something we do quietly."
"Let's try."
He reached for lube and a towel.
"You're bad. The right kind of bad."
"Fuck me, angel."
I had heard Evan shut his door, so I thought we had a little amount of buffer. Jakob and I had gotten pretty good about making love when Evan was home, but we didn't do much fucking when he was around.
I finger fucked Jakob's hole for a few minutes. It made him feel good, which made me feel good.
"I need you, angel. I want you. I want you inside me. Fill me."
I coated my shaft. I let the head enter. I kissed him gently. I lifted up and pushed a little more firmly. My lubed erection slid into his ass. We both wanted to groan, but instead we breathed in a muffled gasp.
"Yeah," I whispered.
His legs were spread and up for me. I leaned down to kiss him again. He was my fiancé. Everyone knew now. Except his family. I couldn't think about them. I was fucking. Fucking my fiancé. We kissed and fucked for a long time. Our breathing was heavy, but quiet.
"That's it, angel. Work it inside me. You fill me. I love your cock," he whispered.
"Oh yeah. I love fucking you, baby."
Maybe it was because our volume was restrained, but we made love for an elongated stretch of minutes. Our naked bodies were exposed masculinity on top of the sheets. Pulsing and thrusting and panting and groping — we were one body with many arms and many legs connected in the throes of passion. No, love.
With equal kissing and fucking, we made love in a beautiful way. It was soft, tender, intimate. My cock throbbed inside his body. He wasn't touching his dick; he just welcomed mine. It was slow and easy for several minutes more.
My lips were pressed on his. I half kissed and half talked: "Oh Jakob, babe. Oh yeah, yes baby."
"You make me feel good, angel."
I pounded harder. My gasping got louder. I still tried to keep it under control. My breathing was so heavy, my body struggled to take in enough air to match my lust. My hips, my cock, my bush, my crotch, my passion — all that crashed into Jason's ass. His breathing became moans. He tried to restrain his volume and gasped for air.
We hummed into each other's kiss. My hum pulsed with the thrusts of my cock. I had reached the point to where I knew my orgasm was imminent.
Electricity surged through the veins of my erection. My hard-on felt incredible. I rammed it in and out of his interior. I was panting, starting to perspire. I was hot. Our love was hot. One of Jakob's hands slid through the sweat on my neck as we kissed. He glided it down to my ass and assisted me in pushing my waist within him.
"I'm almost there, baby." I lifted my body on my elbows.
He grabbed his cock and worked at getting it fully hard.
I drilled his hole, trying to force nine inches of my love deeper into him. I pushed. I shoved. My cock was a linebacker. As I gasped louder, I felt sweat drip from my forehead, and it landed on his neck. My body was lifted on my elbows. My waist was jackhammering. I went in for one last deep kiss.
We moaned as our lips pressed together. Finally I moved them to say, "I'm coming inside you, baby."
I groaned. I wondered if Evan heard it, but I panted as I felt my cock pulsate. It sent streams of semen inside Jakob. I groaned again.
"Shhh," Jakob cautioned.
He yanked on his own cock with strength now.
"Keep fucking me, sweetheart," he whispered.
I stayed inside him. I lifted my body so that he could make powerful strokes on his tool.
"Keep fucking me, Lance," he softly begged.
I sawed my organ inside his channel.
"Keep fucking me, angel."
I wanted to stay hard for him. I wanted to perform for him.
"Keep fucking me. Keep fucking me. Keep fucking me," he quietly pleaded.
His face told me. He was there.
Cum exploded from his cock.
"Keep fucking me," he said aloud.
It was all over his chest. He was splattered with our lovemaking.
"Keep fucking me," he whispered.
His orgasm stopped. He let go of his cock.
"Keep fucking me. Fuck me all night."
I laughed and lowered myself onto his chest. His cum smeared between our bodies. We let it adhere us for several minutes as we kissed.
"Does sex change after you get married?" I asked.
"Maybe it gets better," he said.
"Impossible," I said, and I peeled my body from his.
* * * *
Look for a blog post: "One Year" at timothylane414stories.blogspot.com
Email: timothylane414@gmail.com