Hi Im Lance

Hi, I'm Lance Chapter 20

If you are reading this as I am posting them, this is the first of two Christmas chapters: Lance and Jakob. I hope you like it.

When it comes to a season of giving, consider your support of Nifty. Thanks for your support. I enjoy hearing from you.

Meeting No. 45 December 23

"Hi, I'm Ophelia, and I'm an alcoholic."

"Hi, Ophelia," the group replied.

"Well, I just love, love, love my job. Thanks to Lance, I've found a place I really look forward to working. My boss and I really click, and the little extra money has helped with Christmas presents. I was done shopping two weeks ago, but I still find little things for my daughter."

O and I smiled at each other. She gave me the wink.

"The better news is that my husband is allowing my daughter to stay with me Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. I have to have her back by lunch on Christmas but having her on those special days will be a dream. Last week when he dropped her off, my ex told me I looked nice. In fact, "You look beautiful" is what he said. Boy, did those words sound nice to hear. So I have to say this year is ending well for me. I've made great gains. I hope everyone has a nice holiday.

"Thank you."

The group clapped.

"Hi, I'm Jakob. I'm an alcoholic."

"Hi Jakob," the group replied.

"Well, I don't know if I should say I have to move next week or get to move next week. It will be my fifth place this year — if you count a park bench. You'd think I would be used to moving. But it never gets easy by any means.

"This one though. This one. I don't need any Christmas gifts this year. I got the biggest one of all. The fact that I've been able to fall in love for the first time and now to move in ... this move, it's special."

We smiled — huge smiles — at each other. Occasionally I would get scared that all this lovey-dovey euphoria would eventually subside. How well would we navigate the change when the luster of new love lost its shine? We were taking the leap, so I guess we would soon find out. All the advice of newcomers not dating until they were firm in their sobriety would soon offer its biggest test. Deep in my heart, I knew we were up to it.

"It's a big commitment. And if I can say so, a big responsibility. I'm going to try my hardest to be the ideal roommate. The most loving boyfriend. The nicest friend. The biggest Christmas gift is I have not felt judged this past half year. He's seen all my dark places ... my past ... and he has stayed with me the whole time. He's there at my side."

I nodded.

"It's been a year of very lows and very highs. What a blessing to say it is ending on an incredible high. I feel grateful.

"Thank you."

The group clapped.

Our group was smaller tonight. Most likely owing to the holidays. Chairs were in a circle, not rows. Ophelia was the only one of our typical coffee group in attendance. It was okay that we couldn't go out because she was preparing for her daughter's arrival tomorrow. Jakob and I hugged her, wishing her "Merry Christmas." We said we loved her and kissed her on the cheek. We had something special in mind. We had dinner plans with Mike and Trent. Our schedules had not allowed us to go out together in a while, and we were looking forward to it.

515 East was a well-established restaurant that had been around for many decades. It was one of the nicer places in town. Not quite Lawrence Creek, but still nice enough that we went to dinner a bit more dressed up than usual. Jakob had purchased one nice shirt — red for Christmas — to wear tonight but would also wear it to meet his family.

Mike and Trent wore ties. I rarely ever see Trent in a tie. They looked sharp. I simply had a long sleeve shirt on. We hung our coats on the backs of our chairs.

"You two look very handsome," Jakob said.

They thanked him as they opened the menus. All four of us looked over our options. I knew Jakob would be weighing the occasion with the cost of some of the entrees. We had discussed that we would each pay for our own, even though I offered. He had picked up extra hours on Christmas Day, so he felt he could splurge a touch.

"What are your Christmas plans?" Mike asked us.

"Ugh. Sadly, I have chosen to work on Christmas Day," Jakob said.

"It's killing me," I said.

"I know. But it has its advantages. It's double time. Plus I took extra hours so others could be with family. And by doing this, I was approved to take a few days off next week. I will be ready to move out, and I can enjoy the two days at the lake house with you all. It's a sacrifice, but it's worth it."

"Killing me," I interjected. "I offered to stay here with him. I wanted to."

"I refused. He needs to be with family. He will come back Christmas night and we'll share that together. We're about to move in with each other. We'll have plenty of time to get on each other's nerves."

Mike and Trent chuckled.

The waiter took our order. I ordered the pork chops. Mike chose a filet. Trent ordered the coconut mahi, and Jakob opted for teriyaki chicken.

"However," Jakob continued. "Both of us are going to my family's house tomorrow for lunch."

"That's HUGE!" Trent screamed, suddenly getting embarrassed by his volume.

"It is," Jakob said. "Since Thanksgiving, I talk to my brother and sister every few days. Keaton and I have really reconnected. He's not crazy about the gay thing but misses us being brothers. We're in a pretty good place. I think with Mom and Teresa, they formed a united front to make Dad accept the idea of us coming over. It started with meeting out for dinner, and Mom said Christmas is about being home."

"Have you told them you are moving in together?" Trent asked.

"I have not really brought it up. But is it really any different? He's screwing my brains out anyway. Is being in the same apartment different than being in different apartments?"

We all laughed.

Trent and Mike discussed their plans.

Our salads arrived.

"I'm so looking forward to all of us being at the lake house," Trent said. "Jakob, I'm so glad you could get off."

"Me too."

"The fact that all four of us could be off is great. Mike, of course, gets two weeks off for the holidays," Trent said.

"And your promotion starts with January, correct?" I asked Trent.

"Right. I'm excited."

Trent was taking on a new role at the station: producer. He lucked into being at the right place at the right time. To land that while so young, he's fortunate. The station has taken a liking to him though; he's done good work. Plus, we're not talking a Los Angeles station here. Jackson Bend is what it is.

Conversation remained light and enjoyable throughout dinner. When our meals arrived, Trent had the server take a picture of the four of us.

We declined dessert. Everyone felt they had eaten enough, not to mention the holidays the next two days would be delivering a truckload of calories. After the server cleared the table, Trent excused himself. He returned a moment later with a gift bag.

"For you two. From us," he said.

We were caught off-guard.

"What's this? We've never said anything about gifts."

"It's not much. Really. As you guys prepare to move in together, we just wanted to get you a little something."

Two things were taller in the tissue. We pulled them out. Jakob and I each held a framed picture. One was of Jakob and I, the other one was of the four of us.

"They are from Friendsgiving!" Jakob smiled. "I barely remember us taking these."

"We thought it might go in your place to remind you of good times," Mike said.

"Absolutely," I concurred.

Further in the tissue were two rolled-up soft items. We pulled them out. They were matching pajamas.

"Aww," Jakob said, holding it to his chest.

"That's probably really a gift for Evan," I joked.

"At the bottom are some massage oils. We thought they can make certain romantic nights even more special," Trent said.

"You guys. This is so sweet," I said. "I feel bad. We don't have anything for you."

"Nor did we expect anything." Mike smiled at us. "We're just happy for you both."

The server came and handed the bill and Mike's credit card to him.

"Wait. What happened? You don't need to get ours," I insisted.

"We're happy to do it," Mike said.

"Jakob helped out so much at Friendsgiving. We needed to do something," Trent said. Jakob blushed at the generous gesture.

As we gathered at our cars, we hugged. Trent and I being Trent and I told each other we loved each other. Christmas wishes were given all around.

"Good luck with your family tomorrow," Trent said to Jakob.

"Fingers crossed."

We felt blessed to have such good friends.

—

I awoke first. I went into Jakob's bathroom to pee. I crawled back into the sheets eager to snuggle back up to him with the winter nip in the air, despite the heat being on. My body pressed to his. His skin was still warm from being under the covers all night. I wrapped my arm around him. My fingers gently felt the hair on his chest.

I could feel him trying to press back into me even harder. I kissed the back of his neck.

"Morning, babe."

He mumbled something. I couldn't tell what he said.

I reached down to hold his penis. He was not hard this morning. I gripped his dick and balls in my hand and gently caressed them. Our feet pressed together. I curled my toes over his.

We lay still for 30 more minutes, content to not have to get up to go to work. Jakob was actually working an afternoon shift. 3 to 10 today and 10 to 8 Christmas Day. That sucked. But for this moment, it was just the two of us merged together.

We moved around the apartment in our new pajamas the guys gave us, just for kicks. Some men would just gag to be wearing matching clothes. We got off on it.

Lunch was scheduled for noon, so we made sure we were ready by 11:30.

The radio was on in the car. I liked classic rock. Ozzy Osbourne's song, "Mama, I'm Coming Home," came on. The lyrics were really hitting home with me. Jakob's body language was slightly awkward. I could tell he was uncomfortable hearing the words that were being sung.

"Can we put on some Christmas music?" he quietly asked.

We arrived at Jakob's parents' house 10 minutes early. He didn't seem nervous. I was scared as hell. He had made great inroads with his family, but I could still see his father being a total dick. But we were invited, so that was most likely a good sign. Hopefully, there would be no argument. It was Christmastime after all.

The car doors shut quietly, but his mother was waiting at the door. Mrs. Morgan let us in. She gave both of us a hug and wished us Merry Christmas. Teresa came over and did the same.

I didn't think Keaton liked me, but he walked up and shook my hand first. We offered a pleasant Merry Christmas to each other. Keaton then hugged Jakob, which was nice to see.

Mr. Morgan was not in the room.

The house looked very old-fashioned. It had some simple garland and lights hung above an entryway, a few inexpensive decorations and a very traditional looking Christmas tree. Nothing amazing, but certainly homey and capturing the essence of the season.

Mrs. Morgan called for her husband. He came out, neither smiling nor frowning. He just came out. The two of us went over to shake hands. Again, we offered "Merry Christmas." He nodded but said nothing.

We all gathered around the dining room table. After being seated, everyone reached to hold hands for the blessing. I held Jakob's and Teresa's. Mr. Morgan gave a simple but nice prayer about the food, family and the meaning of the holiday.

Conversation was light: the potential for any snow, who was the worst gift wrapper, the kids remembering seeing Rudolph on television when they were little, checkout lines at the store. Thankfully, nothing was combative or tense.

The meal was by no means a Christmas dinner, nor was it meant to be. It was fried chicken, potato salad, green beans, glazed carrots and a delicious slice of apple pie with ice cream. All of it was tasty. I made sure to compliment his mother that I enjoyed all of it. She smiled at my remarks.

The men went to the living room while the ladies cleaned up. I felt horribly chauvinistic in going along with that.

To make me feel included, they asked about my family and what our plans were. I explained that it was fairly simple, but I hated that Jakob had to work and couldn't join me.

Jakob wrote down my apartment's address. He let everyone know that he was moving in with me next week.

Oooo. Was that going to be a time bomb?

"I'll see if the ladies need help," I said, thinking of a reason to excuse myself.

I watched from the kitchen. Nothing looked like an argument. There was discussion. No smiles, but no argument. I enjoyed talking to the ladies, but still kept an ear out for anything loud. Each time I glanced at the living room, I wondered if the ladies thought all my side looks made me appear to be a spy.

The weather was brisk, but not overly cold. After dishes were done, Jakob and I went for a walk with his siblings.

"Everything okay?" I whispered to him.

"Yeah."

Teresa asked more about my parents. I told her they both were lawyers. I said my mother fell in love with Jakob at Thanksgiving.

"Our mom sure likes you," Teresa said back.

"That's good. I don't want to be any cause for trouble."

"Lance, don't take this wrong, because you seem to be a very nice person," Keaton started. Jakob gave him a look of "What the fuck are you about to say?" I gave Keaton my full attention. "Dad is very strict. When he asked Jakob to leave 10 years ago, he made it sound like Jakob was choosing to do so. He convinced us that Jakob was choosing to be gay, choosing that life over family, and it was his choice to turn his back on it and come back to the family."

"But ... you can't just turn your back on it. It's like turning your back on the color of your skin. It's who you are. I didn't fully accept that about myself until this year," I said.

"I was young," Teresa said. "I didn't understand hardly any of it. But now ... after college ... I had gay friends in college. I get that you don't choose to be gay."

"At the same time, no one says you have to engage in homosexuality even if you are," Keaton said.

"Okay, hey," said Jakob. "I feel weird about you all talking about me. I'm right here."

We all smiled.

"Sorry, babe."

"While ago, Dad said I shouldn't live with you and that I should turn my back on that lifestyle. I told him a lifestyle was one's taste in furniture and how often you eat out. Being gay wasn't a lifestyle."

I chuckled.

"I told him that I was simply gay, and it was how God made me. Then he said what Keaton just did. I should turn my back on sin. He said he understood I didn't choose this — which was a huge step for him. When I asked him if he felt I should live a bitter and lonely life, if that was what he felt was right, then I would not only not be able to love anyone but wouldn't be worthy of being loved. I asked him if he felt I was worthy. He didn't have an answer. I could tell he was thinking about it."

"I did," Keaton said. "All along — again Lance, no offense — I felt like even though I know you didn't choose to be gay that you could still choose not to embrace it. But your question hit me hard."

"Why?" I asked.

"Everyone should feel they are worthy of being loved. No parent should ever say to their child that they aren't."

"Dad didn't say that," Jakob said.

"It's implied," Teresa said.

"He has a lot to think about. That's his issue though. I'm not taking it on."

"Can I ask a question?" I said.

They all nodded.

"How have things been since Thanksgiving. I mean, we just showed up. After almost ten years. Now Jakob — and me — were invited to lunch. How are things in the house?"

"I'm not here," Keaton said. "I haven't really seen them since you were here at Thanksgiving."

"Mom has asserted herself. She never got over Jakob being asked to leave. She was worried sick all the time, wondering if he was okay," Teresa said. "When she saw him last month, she kind of put her foot down. She's never forgiven herself for Jakob leaving. She's not losing Jakob again. Dad was a bit adamant, but she didn't budge. She rarely stands up for herself, but it was nice to see her do so."

"Good for her," Jakob said.

"No matter how awful I feel about them pushing Jakob out — and what they pushed him into — up to that point, they did a good job raising him," I said.

"Why do you say that?" Jakob asked me.

"Because you are kind, you are honest, you are patient, you are caring. Even with all the crap you had to endure — the abuse — you are still an incredible person. All those years of hell didn't change you. They should have. They would have me. You're such an amazing person."

"See why I love him?" he said.

"That and he's handsome," said Teresa.

I rolled my eyes.

"His family has money, and I always tell him he could have any guy he wants, but for some reason, he chose someone down on his luck like me. I couldn't be more fortunate. He was my lifeline."

"Funny. I think the same of you," I said.

"Okay, enough talk about ME."

Jakob started singing a Christmas carol. Teresa joined in. I can't sing so I sure didn't jump in. Keaton didn't either. As the two of them kept singing, Keaton held my arm, pulling us back a few steps.

"I'm sure you think our family is terrible. I'm sorry we come off that way."

"Actually, I don't think that. Well, I still can't fathom how parents can kick a child to the streets — and Jakob has amazingly looked past that, I have no idea how — but otherwise, you all seem fairly normal."

"Thanks. But probably not so much. This past month has been good for Mom. I can tell a difference. Even over the phone. She's happier, more assertive. The loss of Jakob killed her. I'm very grateful that you brought him back to us. I still don't get the whole gay thing — sorry — but I feel I have more of an understanding."

"Above anything else, gay people are ... people. They have feelings just like everyone does. They deserve respect, love and understanding, just like anyone else on the earth."

I momentarily shocked myself. It sounded like I had such sage wisdom on homosexuality when in fact I avoided it and ran from it up to this past summer. I had grown. Jakob had helped me grow and be more understanding and accepting.

"It shames me that I could ever think otherwise," Keaton replied. "Again, my brain doesn't wrap itself around the whole gay world, but I know you make Jakob happy. I'm glad you found each other. I'm glad our family is back together again."

"A little bit at least."

"You did that, Lance. I will always be grateful," Keaton said.

Steve and I hadn't slept together since last fall. It was our rookie year on the basketball team. We had only fooled around those two nights. I'm not sure if he was embarrassed about not being able to take my cock in his ass or what. We just played basketball and avoided each other's glances. It was odd. But we were only fooling around back then.

Everyone in the locker room was talking about spring break. Pretty much everyone on campus was heading home after their final class on Friday. Both Steve and I mentioned we weren't leaving until Sunday morning.

He caught me outside following practice.

"My roommates will be gone. Any interest in sleeping over again on Friday?"

"Really? I figured you didn't like it after the last time."

"I was a bit embarrassed. I figured you thought I was a loser."

"Heck, no. I figured I had just fucked it up."

—

The next night I showed up at his dorm room. The cafeteria was closed that night. We grabbed a burger at Jake's. I had thrown a few things in a small bag for overnight. We watched The Empire Strikes Back on TV. We were both Star Wars fans and had seen it multiple times. We agreed it was the best of the bunch.

Steve put a pillow on my lap and reclined on the couch, his head resting on my crotch. I loved it. I let my arm rest on his chest. I hadn't really shown affection to another guy outside of anything sexual. My hand just rubbed his chest gently.

After a few minutes, he reached up and held my hand. This was new. I always had said I was just having fun with other guys. It was just getting off, that's all. But this was new. We weren't getting off. We just held hands for a little while. It made me a little nervous, but I found it ... nice.

Steve was wearing shorts. I could tell he was sporting a hard-on underneath.

"Bed?" I asked after the movie ended.

"Yeah."

I ducked into the bathroom to take a leak and brush my teeth. Steve did the same.

We started undressing. We were completely nude. He reached for my cock. I loved his touch on it. I reached for his erection, which jutted upward from his crotch. It was like a crowbar.

Steve hit the lights, and we moved into his bed. I still felt shy and awkward even though we had done this before. His hand pulled my shoulder closer, and we kissed. We inched closer to each other. Even though we lay on our sides, our dicks poked each other.

He rolled onto his back, and I moved on top of him. As we kissed, we started grinding our cocks into the other's body. Our breathing was heavy.

I sat up as much as I could with my head touching the upper bunk above. I grabbed our two cocks and groped them together.

"Oh. Nice," he moaned.

"I know it didn't work last time, but ... how about if I try fucking you?" Steve proposed.

"Oh, I don't know. I – I'm not really gay. I just ... you know ... think it's fun to get off with a friend. I'm not sure about that."

"It feels pretty great."

"Yeah?"

"Totally. I'd love for you to feel me inside you."

A few minutes later, Steve had pulled a bottle of lube from a drawer and got his towel from the locker room. It was still slightly damp.

He lubed up a finger and slowly slipped it into my crevice. It penetrated my hole. I jolted, but relaxed. This was all unfamiliar. My brain tried to process all the feelings. I liked it. He let it roam inside me. Two fingers entered. Soon I was moaning at this stimulation.

"Ready for me?"

"I think so. Take my virgin ass, man."

He spread lube all around his cock and let the head slip inside my hole.

"Oh!" I called out.

"Relax. Breathe."

I inhaled and exhaled. It felt better. He moved another inch or two inside. That was okay. He pushed all the way in. It felt good.

Steve let his body weight lie on top of me. He moved in and out of my ass, thrusting his rod into me as far as he could. It didn't have much rhythm, but my ass was loving it. I was being stimulated in a way I had never felt before. I couldn't help but groan and grunt as his hips pushed his iron flesh into my insides.

Steve came quickly. Within a few minutes, he announced he was coming and pushed his dick quite hard into my hole. He rammed it in and then froze. I knew his cock was unloading his semen inside me. It wasn't until that moment that I thought about safe sex. We weren't safe at all. I hoped it was okay. He let his full weight collapse on me again. He kissed the back of my neck.

He rolled off and I turned on my back. I reached for my cock at the same time he did. We both wrapped our hands around it and felt it. I let him take over. He jerked my stiffened meat for several minutes. I growled at the pleasure. He smiled at me when I made noise. I figured he enjoyed knowing he was pleasuring me. I moaned deeply from my diaphragm. He could tell by my moans I was getting close.

"Are you about to come?"

"Yeah."

"Come on my face."

We clumsily altered our positions. My cock was just below his chin. I worked it for another minute and soon started shooting cum on his face with loud groans. I could tell some went up to his forehead, but a lot went into his mouth and on his tongue. He was audibly pleased. I noticed the first shot had hit the wall. Most of it was just Steve's cheek and mouth. One last grunt and I was done. I exhaled heavily.

I dropped back down on the bed; my energy was spent. I rested next to him and just panted until I breathed normally.

We cleaned up and kissed for another minute.

I lay there and teased the bit of chest hair he had. I wished I would grow some on my chest soon.

He rolled over to hold me. I liked that. Being held felt nice.

"I should tell you something," Steve said. "I AM gay."

"Yeah?"

"Someone back home has been trying to hook up with me. We're old friends. I didn't really think I was gay, so I resisted. But ... tonight ... us ... I know I am. Why deny it?"

"Oh."

Steve reached for my penis and gently held it.

"I'm glad we did this. Now I know. You did that, Lance. I will always be grateful."

"Really, Lance, I'm grateful," Keaton said.

"Now if we can get your father to be."

We laughed and caught up with the singers.

—

"Lance, please tell me you're not crying."

"I'm not."

"Right, that's just sweat pouring from your eyes."

"I don't want to leave you."

"We've been apart from each other for days every week."

"I can't help it, Jakob. It's our first Christmas, and I don't get to share it with you."

He hugged me.

"You romantic lug. You're very sweet. I will see you tomorrow night. Think of it as not spending Christmas morning together but getting ready to share all of next year together."

"That's a good way to think of it," I sniffed.

"Please tell your parents I miss seeing them, though."

"I know they'll miss you."

I kissed him, then held him in my arms.

"I love you," I said.

"Love you back, angel."

"I'll text when I get there."

The drive was depressing. For it being the Christmas season, it all just sucked. While it was true that seeing my family would be good, I couldn't get over the sadness that Jakob would not be a part of it. The loneliness of the drive had me questioning everything. We had only been a couple for less than five months. How did I feel love this deeply? Was it because he was my first love? That couldn't be it, because I loved Trent before him, but we weren't ever a couple. Did I just like the idea of being in love? On paper, we really do come from different worlds, so why was it working out so well? Why was I so bent out of shape for not spending Christmas with him? Was he a crutch of some kind? Were we moving in with each other too fast?

Fuck all that.

I'm happy. I'm deeply in love with the man. Why would I question anything? It's not wrong to want to spend time with the person you love.

I pulled in front of the house just about dinner time. When I walked through the front door, the smells of food cooking filled the house.

"Smells good!" I said, closing the door. "Merry Christmas!"

"Lance!" Dad jumped up and hugged me.

Mom came out of the kitchen and did the same. She was wearing an apron. I wished them both Merry Christmas.

Oliver walked in from his room and gave me a clumsy one-armed hug.

"Happy holidays, man," he said.

"Likewise."

"So where's the boyfriend? With his family?"

"Working actually. We had lunch with them today."

"Oh, that's nice," Mom said.

"Apparently things are better with his family then," Dad remarked.

"Getting there."

"What does that all mean?" my brother asked.

I sat Oliver down. Mom went back to the kitchen. Dad sat across the room. I told my brother Jakob's full story. The family, the bad friends, the abuse, and then I hesitated to tell them about the homeless part. Oliver could be very judgmental. He seemed to be listening intently, so I dove in. I completed the story about the shelter and his move from it.

"Whoa. That's harsh," Oliver said, curiously without any snarky comment.

"The good news — for me — is that he moves in with me next week. I'm over the moon."

"Wonderful!" Dad said. "I assume Evan was on board with everything."

"Yes. Very supportive. When I started the discussion, he thought I was going to ask him to move out. It all worked out great."

"Particularly for your boyfriend," Oliver said. "What a dramatic change for him from the beginning of the year to the end."

"Completely. Even for me! But nothing nearly as dramatic as what he's gone through. He's really a survivor."

"I'm impressed that everything didn't harden him over the years. He's so kind," Dad said.

"And caring ... and patient ... and loving."

"Okay, spare us the loving stuff," Oliver said.

"I wasn't going there."

"But," Oliver said. "I miss him not being here. He was wicked at cards."

We chuckled. I went in to see if I could help Mom with dinner. She pretty much had everything ready, but we were close enough to sitting down that she asked me to fill glasses with iced tea.

"I'm so sad not to see my Jakob," Mom said.

I smiled that she called him "my Jakob." She had taken an instant liking to him. I was always closer with Dad, but I could tell Jakob was going to be Momma's boy.

Before we sat down, I texted Jakob to let him know everyone missed him. Dinner was everything anyone would want for Christmas. More than we could possibly eat; it would make for leftovers for at least two days. Mom said a few relatives would be dropping by for lunch tomorrow. Ironically, Evan would be one of them.

The evening was very enjoyable. There was something about a lit Christmas tree that made the room warm and cheery. Christmas music was playing. I loved it all. I just wanted Jakob next to me to make it complete.

There was enough time for a couple rounds of cards. After the first game, Oliver went to the fridge, pulled out a beer and popped the lid. When he came back, he sat it down and my parents gave him a look.

"Where did you get that?" Mom softly asked.

"I brought a few with me."

They sternly looked at him, then me, then him.

"Oh. Man. I'm sorry, Lance. I didn't think."

"Everyone, please. It's fine. He can enjoy a beer around me. I'm more than five months sober. I won't be tempted in the slightest, particularly with Dad here. He'll always be a rock for me."

I looked at Dad and smiled. Just a flash of him looking down on me in the hospital sent chills through me. That memory will always haunt me. Haunt.

The second round was just as fun as the first. Lots of chuckling, screaming and cheering. Good family fun. I wondered if Jakob ever got to experience that as a kid. Surely his family played games.

Mom and Dad went off to bed. Oliver and I sat out in the living room near the tree. We didn't often talk, just the two of us.

He was on his third beer.

"By `a few,' you really brought a six pack, didn't you?" I said.

"Are you going to preach to me?" he said.

"Me? Certainly not. I'm the one with the problem, remember?"

"You don't look like it. Your life is so together."

"Why do you think that?"

"You've turned it around. You're good at your job, you are deliriously in love with what's-his-Jakob, you have a great relationship with Mom and Dad. You have it all."

"You make more money than I do," I said.

"Like that means anything. Our parents are lawyers. We never had to worry about money. Money never really meant anything to us. I think it was just engrained that we should have money, but it was never ... anything special."

Oliver turned to look at me directly.

"I mean, look at you. You fell in love with a homeless guy. Clearly, money wasn't an issue. You could see him for what he was — beyond his net value."

For Oliver, that was pretty deep. I'm not sure I had ever thought of myself in those terms. While this house would certainly be considered nicer than the one owned by Jakob's family, I never thought of it as more than just "our house."

"I just want what you have," he said.

"A boyfriend?" I smiled.

"Guh! No. The whole thing still grosses me out."

"Remember, I've been with both, and men are way hotter than women," I teased.

"Whatever!" He rolled his eyes. "But seriously. You're happy. Look at some of the fucked-up stuff that has happened to you this year. And you're happy."

"I am."

"I just don't know where to begin."

"How about being nice to people?" I smiled.

"I'm nice! You retarded jerk!"

"Right. There it is right before me. How did I miss it?" I laughed.

He sat back deep in the chair. "There is something to what you say."

"Do you date at all?"

"Sporadically. In some ways, I'm selfish. It's fun for a while, then I want my space. Once we have sex a few times, I'm good. I'm sure I am distant enough that any woman would want more emotionally than what I have to offer."

"When the person is right, you'll know. When you want to be with them all the time, then you'll be happy."

We were quiet a moment.

"After Thanksgiving, I tried to look up Xavier." Oliver's eyes met mine. "It took me about a week, but I didn't give up. I found him. I gave him a call."

"How awesome," I said. "Was he glad to hear from you?"

"Yeah. Surprisingly, so."

"Why surprising?"

"Because — as you say — I'm not always nice to people. I handled his coming out so poorly. I brought it up in our conversation. I mentioned you too. He was so understanding and forgiving. The more we talked, the more it felt like old times."

"Where is he?"

"San Francisco."

"How cliché," I chuckled.

"He's married. Has been for four years. He and his husband are trying to adopt. He invited me out to stay with them. I just might go out there next year."

I could tell Oliver had done a lot of soul-searching in the past month. My coming out to him had clearly made an impact.

"I'm glad. He's a nice guy. Gorgeous too; nice dick."

I figured that would get a reaction.

"Stop. Don't go any further, you."

I laughed.

"Let me guess. He's crazy hung too. Is that a gay thing? Are they all hung like you?"

"You've never seen me naked. You don't know how big I am."

"Yes, I have. You were my little brother. Even before puberty you had a bigger dick than anyone your age should. I remember Mom bathing you. Then, at a family reunion — I don't remember where — you were a freshman in high school and the two of us went into a bathroom to take a leak. You were standing next to me, and I could see this monster cock sticking out. Man, I hated you after that."

"It's just a dick."

"Yeah. And so was I. I was pissed you somehow got the lion's share. I mean, mine's average, probably a little more. I'm not embarrassed by it."

"No one should be."

"Easy for you to say with Tower of Pisa in your shorts. Fucker."

"Hm. I always assumed since we were brothers we would be about the same."

"Not. Let me guess, Jakob is packing eight inches too."

"Nope. Just the opposite." I paused. The silence was momentarily tangible. "I have no idea why I just said that. That's private. But regardless. I love his. It's just a dick. If you are in love, none of that jazz is important. Love is."

"Okay, we're starting to go down a weird conversation again. Too much information my brain doesn't need to process."

Oliver took a gulp of beer.

"Hey, brother," I said softly. "No sermon. But I would hate to see you make the mistakes I made. If you drink to forget or to numb anything ... red flag."

He stared at his beer. My phone rang.

"It's him. I gotta take it."

As I answered, Oliver got up.

"Hey, babe. Hold on one second."

I looked at Oliver. "It's just me this time, so you take the bed. I'll do the mattress."

"Normally, I'd probably say it's my old room and I'd be fine, but I will fucking take you up on your offer. Thanks."

I returned to the phone call. He shared with me tales of his long shift. He was excited to get overtime. I told him I had a great evening but missed him terribly. We didn't talk long but wanted to hear each other's voices before bed. I mentioned that Oliver had changed a bit and would share more when I got home.

"God, I miss you."

"Me too, angel."

"I'm sad I don't get to wake up next to my best gift, but I'll see you tomorrow night. Love you."

After hanging up, I turned out the Christmas lights and took my bag into Oliver's room.

—

After breakfast, we all opened gifts around the tree. Since Oliver and I had both graduated and moved away, gifts were on the lighter side, since we were all adults. But we still got something for each other. Because it was only four of us, it was still pretty easy. I was touched that they had bought something for Jakob and asked me to take it back.

Uncle Aaron and Aunt Susan came over for lunch with Evan.

"We can't get away from each other, can we?" Evan said as he entered.

They had picked up Grandma Crenshaw, who lived on the other side of town. I hadn't seen her since my graduation. I had lost my grandfather while in junior high, but both sets of grandparents got along really well. Grandma and Grandpa Wheeling were visiting with Dad's other brother down in Florida. Just before lunch, we did a Christmas video chat with them.

My aunt and uncle had brought some of their leftovers, so even though it was all last night's dinner, there were new choices. We all liked holiday leftovers anyway.

"When are you coming home?" I asked Evan, and for a split second I surprised myself that I thought of the apartment as home and not my parents' house.

"Tomorrow. You?"

"Tonight. I'd like to see Jakob at least for a little bit on Christmas Day."

"Sweet."

"Um. Do your parents know?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I told them about you and Jakob. That's okay, right?"

"Sure. In fact, if they didn't know, I was going to be open with them today."

The afternoon was a battle between sports on TV or holiday movies. It fluctuated.

I did speak honestly about who I was and the importance of Jakob in my life to my relatives.

Some of us played cards. All of us ate second helpings of desserts.

We did make a point to take a few family pictures. Although I had given each of them their own gift, I did give my parents a picture of Jakob and me. Mom loved it.

So that no one had to cook, we found a pizza place still making and delivering pizzas, so we had that for dinner.

Oliver finished his six pack throughout the day. He was the only one drinking. It didn't bother me. He at least spaced them out. His comments concerned me that he seemed somewhat unhappy. I was going to make an effort to call him periodically in the new year. It's strange that it took us all these years to become relatively close. That's been a nice thing about this holiday. I imagine as people get older, the age gaps don't matter as much. I'm sure that will be the case with Mike and Trent.

Everyone was around the dinner table still. We had eaten all the pizza except for a couple of slices. I hated to leave everyone, but I didn't want to get home too late.

"I hate that you have to go," Mom said.

"I know. But I do kind of want to see Jakob on Christmas, even if it's a little bit."

"I completely understand. Please give him our love. Make sure he knows we missed him."

I shook hands with relatives and hugged a few. Mom and Dad gave the biggest hugs. To my surprise, Oliver gave me a full hug. He hadn't done that in ... it must be ages. I couldn't really remember the last time. If there ever was one. I texted Jakob that I was leaving. He was wrapping up his shift.

I don't know why, but my thoughts drifted to college. Maybe it was driving to family for the holidays. I hadn't been in communication much with hardly anyone. That saddened me. I called Zach with the car's Bluetooth.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Hi, Zach. It's me, Lance."

"Yeah. That came up on the screen. I was surprised."

"Merry Christmas!"

"To you too," he returned. "Is ... is everything okay?"

"Yeah, sure. I just wanted to check in on you. I hope your holiday was good."

Zach was silent a moment. "I guess. Yeah. I guess it was. Wow. I'm a bit surprised you called." He paused. "I'm glad you did though."

"Yeah? Me too." I suddenly questioned the meaning of his last statement. "Zach? Are you okay?"

"I suppose. I shouldn't be surprised, but I didn't feel a lot of joy from Mom over the holiday. It felt like she was just going through the motions. Maybe I read too much into it. We exchanged gifts and everything. I guess it was fine."

It was sad that Zach simply felt he was an obligation to his mother. I was fucking lucky for having wonderful parents. I had come to appreciate it — and be grateful for it.

"So how's school this year? Your roommates have to be better than me and Cole."

"I wouldn't say that. They're nice. But I liked you and Cole too."

"I could have been nicer."

"I learned to like you as I got to know you. You spooked us a little with your drinking near the end. But I miss you."

"Yeah. About that."

"Uh oh."

I spent five minutes telling Zach about my alcohol problem. He was pleased that I found help. I didn't mention Jakob moving in with me — yet. As Zach was someone who frequents church each week, there was only so much I felt I should share.

"I'm driving back to Jackson Bend. You were on my mind."

"I'm glad you called, Lance. I hope to hear from you again."

"Same here. Merry Christmas again."

"And have a Happy New Year too," Zach said before we both hung up.

I called Cole too, but he didn't pick up. I left a cheery message.

About an hour out, I gave Jakob a call.

"Hey, where are you?"

"My place. Just took a shower."

"I can come there, but I have your Christmas present at my apartment. Now that you have a key, are you willing to meet me there?

"Uh, sure. I guess."

"I'll see you in an hour."

We had agreed to buy only one gift and wait until Christmas. On his budget, I hope he didn't spend too much.

When I entered the apartment, it was fairly dark. The kitchen light was on, but I could see no one was in it. There was a faint glow coming from the bedroom.

I walked in to see Jakob lying in the bed, wearing only his new pajama bottoms. He was shirtless. In the corner was a lighted Christmas tree; it couldn't have been more than three feet tall.

"What's this?"

"When you wait until Christmas, things are pretty cheap."

"But everything's closed."

"You'd be surprised how many places carry items. I thought we needed a tree to put our gifts under."

"That's so sweet, but mine won't fit under there."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," I said. "It's a motorcycle."

"What???"

"I'm totally kidding, but ..."

I paused. I did have something to go under the tree. I pulled open a drawer and took out a card I planned to give. I set it under the tree. I saw there was a box there for me.

I began to get undressed. Jakob had turned the heat up, so it was only slightly cool. It actually felt like Christmas. I took off everything except my briefs and crawled onto the bed with him.

"Merry Christmas, babe," I said, leaning in for a nice kiss.

"Same to you, angel."

We wrapped ourselves in each other's arms and kissed for a few minutes. My hands felt his back and slid underneath his pajamas to grip his butt cheeks. We were both hard; we could feel it pressed between layers of cotton.

"I thought we might use the oils Mike and Trent gave us. Care for a massage?" he asked.

"Um. Yeah. That sounds kind of nice."

I had never had a massage. Jakob spread a beach towel out on the bed. He had placed the oil in a mug of heated water to warm it a bit. He instructed me to take off my underwear and lie on my stomach. He took off the pajamas. I could hear the bottle of oil splashing as it was removed from the water. Jakob squirted some on to my back. I jumped a bit at feeling the warm liquid. In a way, it reminded me of his cum. His hands moved into the oil and started rubbing my back. The oil was fragrant.

"Vanilla. What a surprise," I mumbled sarcastically into the pillow.

I moaned and hummed as he pressed his hands into my back, digging in and rubbing my muscles. It was nice. He straddled me, facing my feet. His hands caressed my ass and rubbed them too. He dripped a bit more oil into his palms and leaned down to rub and massage my legs. That was nice. They were a bit stiff from the drive. He then massaged my feet. How tender. No one had ever really done that before. It was a type of bond that was new to the two of us. He turned back around and worked on my neck muscles. I could feel his balls gently press into the small of my back. After several minutes of being massaged and rubbed, my body was then covered by his. He put his full weight on me. I felt surrounded by him.

"Your turn?" I asked.

"Why not?" he replied.

I tried to mimic his motions. I was a bit clumsier, but I made the oil work. Heaven knows I loved touching him, so feeling my hands slip and glide over his skin was blissful. Doing it by the glow of a Christmas tree was even more heavenly. I was so glad I came home. This was the touch of Christmas that was missing.

Following the massages, we made love. It was a tender night. There was still enough passion, volume and heavy breathing, but there was no sucking, no fucking. It was all about the touch of skin. We rolled in each other's arms. Our cocks continued to grind into one another. Enough oil had covered our bodies that our erections easily glided into a lover's tango. Jakob's hands were all over me. His groans let me know he was close to orgasm. His mouth pressed to mine as he pushed his oiled penis into my torso.

"Ungh. Ungh! Oh, angel. I'm coming for you."

His cock released his testosterone-fueled love onto my chest. I moaned as I felt each shot splash onto my abdomen. He pressed his body into mine, spreading his cum between our chests. It reacted nothing like the oil but was totally hot.

I wanted to add my own. He moved further down on me so that I was humping my dick into his hairy chest. I thrust it, harder and harder. My grunting became loud.

"Come for me, Lance."

I grabbed his neck as his teased my nipple with his tongue.

"OoooOOOOHHHH! Yes!"

My cock pulsed and shot a thick stream of warm cum between us. I groaned with each blast; I think I counted seven. My writhing, bucking hips pushed up into him, bouncing his frame above me.

"Holy fucking Christmas," I smiled. "I'm so glad I am with you tonight."

"Me too," he said with a simple kiss.

We needed some serious cleaning, so we washed our chests. It took a few minutes to where they didn't feel sticky anymore.

He sat next to the tree. The lights shone on his skin a little; it still had a bit of sheen from the oil. I went to the closet and pulled out a big box. It was half the size of the tree.

"I can already tell you went too far," he said.

"It's just one gift."

He pulled off the ribbon and ripped the paper. As he opened the box, he pulled back tissue to see a brand-new coat.

"You have a jacket. I thought this would help on the colder days."

"It's beautiful. I love it."

He gave me a kiss. Then he handed me my gift. I couldn't imagine what he would get me. I gave zero hints. It had to be hard for him to think of something I needed.

I tore off the paper and saw a jewelry box of some kind. When I opened it, there was a gold chain. From it was a thin leather strap. It was knotted and attached to an angel wing. The way it was crafted looked very masculine.

"I think of you as my angel, so I thought it might be nice for you to feel this around you, to make it feel like I'm always with you when you wear it. I know you don't wear much jewelry, well, any jewelry, I've seen, but I hope you ..."

I stopped him talking by tackling him with a kiss.

"It's perfect."

We lay on the carpet underneath the tree. I reached for the card. He ripped the envelope open.

"For the man in my life"

He opened it.

"There is no way that I could ever have been prepared for the most loving gift I could ever receive in life:
You. Merry Christmas, with all of my heart."

I had signed it "Love, Lance."

He kissed me.

"I don't deserve to be this lucky," he said softly to me.

"Ditto," I said back.

We held each other and fell asleep under the tree. It wasn't until the middle of the night that we stirred and moved to the bed.

It unquestionably was my favorite Christmas ever.

* * * *

A blog post, "Christmas No. 1: Lance and Jakob" is posted at timothylane414stories.blogspot.com

Emailed feedback is welcome: timothylane414@gmail.com