Hi, I'm Lance Chapter 16
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Meeting No. 30 October 25
"Hi, I'm Jakob."
"With a K. Hi, Jakob," the group replied.
"I'm an alcoholic. And you don't have to say that anymore. I'm sure the newcomers are wondering about the K thing. It makes me happy that enough of you know me to give me that. Thanks.
"I've been out of the shelter for two weeks. I wake up in a real bed nowadays, and I can actually buy clothes because I have a place to put them. Probably not new clothes because I don't make that much, but at least I can buy things at second-hand places. And that's okay.
"I'm sometimes pinching myself that I'm this happy. After sleeping on a bench a couple of weeks earlier this year, I now have real friends and a place to stay and a boyfriend who is the best thing to ever happen to me."
I smiled at him from the second row.
"When I felt I had no place to go in the spring, I wandered the park, deciding if I wanted to sleep in my car or if reclining on a bench sounded better. Both were ..." Jakob paused. "I hated both of them. When I lived with horrible roommates, the apartment was loud. I didn't have my own room really. Even when I was in the park, I heard city noise ... cars, animals, people yelling in the distance. Now ..."
He paused again. I wasn't sure where he was going with this share.
"Now, I sometimes sit on the couch and listen to the quiet. That sounds weird, I know. But I've been noticing silence. I have found a peace in it. Some people probably think it is lonely. I find it calming. I'm calm. In all those years I had a drinking problem, I never realized that I didn't feel calm. I suppose I will always have the drinking problem, but I'm grateful that I have a handle on it.
"For anyone just starting out with the program, please stick with it. Being sober is amazing. I've never felt so good.
"Thank you."
The group clapped.
"Hi, I'm Ophelia. I'm an alcoholic."
"Hi, Ophelia."
"I told you I would let you know if I got the job. Well, I've worked it for a week now. It's very enjoyable. I have to thank Lance for making the opportunity happen."
Jakob patted my leg. I gave O a wink.
"It's really "me," and my boss thinks highly of me already. That's the good part. I also hated to give up my last job. They were really nice and were happy to keep me on part-time. They've worked with my schedule, so I am still off every other weekend for my daughter, but on the other weeks, that's like a 55-hour week. I'm not sure I can keep it up. It's a hard week, but I've worked two jobs earlier in my life, so I think I can do it. At least through the holidays. That will give me some money for gifts and save for some things I really could use. Maybe I'll evaluate the workload when the new year starts. For now, I'm excited.
"Thank you."
The group clapped.
"Hi, I'm Sandy. I'm an alcoholic."
"Hi, Sandy," the group replied.
"I'm also 29. I think people at work know I am `better.' It's been several weeks now without a drink. A co-worker gave me a bottle of wine for my birthday. I haven't really told people I've been coming to these meetings. She didn't know. I started drinking wine in my mid-20s. It was `my thing.' People got to know me as the coworker who loved wine. I had cute signs about wine in my kitchen. For some reason, I thought it made people think I was fun. I felt fun. For a while. Before long, I was drinking wine every day. Some nights I would have a whole bottle. Until a couple of months ago, I had wine every day. Every. Day, When I didn't drink the whole bottle, there would be about a glass left. Sometimes I just finished it to be neat, to get rid of the bottle. Stupid, huh?
"So I got this bottle. I took it home. I just held it in my hands. I stared at it. I came really close to opening it. It was a birthday gift after all." Sandy's eyes glazed over. "I wanted it. I could taste it."
She looked down a moment and then met the eyes of some people in the group.
"My sister called. She wanted to wish me happy birthday. I asked if I could come over for a moment. She was confused but said that was fine. When she opened the door, I handed her the bottle. She didn't understand. I sat down with her. I didn't want anyone to know I had started attending these meetings. I was ashamed to admit I had a problem. To my surprise, she was relieved. She was proud of me for being sober. She was suspecting I had a problem with drinking. Probably more than just suspected. She was happy that I had made progress. What do you know? And I was so worried about her knowing.
"When I got home, I pictured me sitting at the table earlier that evening, holding the bottle. It scared the hell out of me. But ... I got through it. That's a good thing.
"Thank you."
The group clapped. Two newcomers shared following Sandy. I didn't tonight. I didn't feel I had anything really to say.
I noticed Tyler there tonight, but he didn't share.
He helped put the chairs away following the meeting. He handed me the last one.
"Hey there, how are things going?" I asked.
"Oh. Hi. Uh. I'm not sure."
"Oh? Want to talk? Coffee? Milkshake?"
"Maybe. Yeah, sure."
It was just the three of us tonight, three gay men.
"How have you been?" Jakob asked.
"Okay."
"Your boyfriend hasn't hit you lately, has he?"
"Only once. Not hard. It was more of a big shove."
"What causes him to act out?" I said.
"Alcohol. I'm trying to stay off, but he isn't. The fact that I don't drink kind of sets him off."
"Should you stay there?" Jakob asked. "Do you feel safe?"
"I don't have anywhere else to go."
"I used to think that. Start looking for options. Don't let him get to you."
"It's okay. I ... just think he is seeing someone else sometimes. He didn't come home one night last week. When I asked him where he was, he said he just slept at a friend's place because he drank too much. And to be honest, I didn't mind."
"Tyler, I'm sorry. This does not sound healthy," I said, trying to sound sympathetic and not judgmental. "Do you have family you can stay with?"
"Not close. In fact, they are a few states away. Over 10 hours. Our relationship isn't great to start with. When I left with Baker, they didn't think it was a good idea. They said I'd be on my own; they wouldn't support me and our young ideas to run off."
"I still think you should call them," Jakob said. "Maybe they would welcome you back."
"Maybe. Probably not. I don't see me going back there. It's not really home to me."
"If nothing else, just go to the shelter. Or check into LGBTQ services in the center to see if they can offer something," Jakob said.
"We don't want to see you hurt, Tyler," I said.
"The sad part is that I really love him. I just wish he wouldn't get so angry."
"Until he gets that under control, please be careful. Thank goodness at least you are sober. But don't be afraid to call."
"Okay. Thanks."
"I mean it," I said.
—
Now that Jakob had his own place, we tried to find our groove. Our schedules did not match well. We tried to stay at each other's place once a week. When he stayed at mine, we just slept as to not awaken Evan. Usually. Occasionally a blow job would sneak in but cuddling and holding and kissing was actually quite nice too. At his place, we allowed ourselves to be animals.
It was Halloween. Jakob had to work late, but I went to a meeting that evening. I didn't have a lot to do without him. It wasn't like I had spooky parties to go to. Mike and Trent weren't doing anything. Cooper and Mitch seemed to have their own plans. I actually knew very few people at the meeting. It was a small group, perhaps because of the holiday. I was still glad I went. I find strength in people supporting each other, even though this one was on the drab side, if AA meetings can have any sense of excitement, that is. Flashes of my car crash still creep in routinely. I will never forget where I was then.
Popping into Quik Trip, I could steal a quick kiss from Jakob, but just barely. They seemed busy, and he was stocking a lot when he wasn't needed as a cashier. I was in the way, but he appreciated me coming to see him. I stopped at the store on the way home. In honor of the holiday I bought a wrapped caramel apple. The store had made them fresh, and they were sitting near the checkout stations at that point in the evening.
After putting away milk and produce, I got out a knife and sliced the caramel apple into portions. I sat on the couch feeling a bit lonely.
As I watched the news, Evan and Kristy returned home from a party. They had been dressed as a farmer and a cow. Evan, ironically, was the cow. His udders grossed me out.
We talked briefly. They told me a few details of the party. It was still going on, but they had decided to come back. They'd had enough fun. It's funny that I could smell alcohol on them. I wonder how many people smelled it on me earlier this year. I'm sure I reeked of it. It probably seeped out of my skin. Gross.
It was almost 11. As I was turning out the lights, Evan came out in just his underwear for two bottles of water. My phone rang. I was surprised at this hour, but I thought it might be Jakob. It wasn't.
"Hello?"
"Lance? Hey, it's me Tyler."
"Yeah? Is everything okay?"
The phone was silent.
"No. No, it's not," he eventually said. His voice was soft. "Is it okay if I crash at your place? I'm sorry."
"No. That's fine. Where are you? Do you need me to pick you up?"
Evan looked concerned at me as I talked. I gave Tyler our address. He said he knew where our apartments are. I told him to come right away.
I quickly explained to Evan his situation. He tried to look empathetic. He told me I was a kind person. I did slightly wonder if he tired of me taking in all these alcoholic friends. He gave me a simple hug. It was the first time we had ever hugged with him having very little clothes on. I was curious that I even noticed that, but I did. I was lucky to have not only a cousin but a roommate who was comfortable with who I was.
While I waited for Tyler, I got sheets and blankets for the couch. A few minutes later there was a soft knock on the door. I opened it to see Tyler standing there with a small cut on his forehead.
"Holy crap. What happened?"
"I fell and hit a handle on the cabinet."
"Fell, my ass. Did he hit you or shove you?"
"I guess he pushed me a little. He saw we were out of beer. I have no reason why he took it out on me. I certainly didn't drink it."
I took Tyler into my bathroom and cleaned the cut. It wasn't really big. Blood had just dried around it to make it look worse.
"Your bathroom is nice," he said as I dabbed a cloth on his forehead.
"Thanks. Jakob did it. He sort of has a flair for making things look nice."
"Is he not here?"
"No. We don't live together. Yet. I hope one day. We're not moving quite that fast. He stays over one night a week; and I stay at his place one night a week."
"I see. Who's in the other room?"
"I have a roommate, Evan. He's my cousin actually. He knows you are coming over. He was near me when we are on the phone, so it's all fine."
I bandaged his forehead and also gave him a couple of aspirin. It didn't look deep enough for any medical treatment, but it was sure to be sore tomorrow.
"I have some bedding on the couch. You're welcome to stay out there, or you can share my bed."
"Oh that would be too much to ask. The couch is fine."
"I'll leave it up to you. I'm okay either way. I know when I'm hurting it is nice to be held. If you want that, just come in here. I don't mind."
"I'll be fine on the couch."
We made up the couch with the sheets and blanket. I brought in a pillow from my bed. I gave Tyler a gentle hug and wished him good night. I set the alarm to make sure I'd get up earlier. It would be Sunday, so there wasn't a rush for us to get off to work.
—
I felt a rustle in the bed. It took me a moment to process what was happening. I looked at the clock. It was after 2 a.m.
"You okay?" I mumbled.
"Is it okay if I come in here?" Tyler said.
"Yeah," I said, lifting up the sheet.
Tyler was in his underwear and the polo shirt he came over in. He slipped in next to me.
"You need anything?" I offered.
"No. I'm still okay."
He turned away from me. I wrapped my arm around him to hold him.
"Is that fine?" I asked softly.
"It's nice. Thanks," he replied.
We were quiet. I heard him sniff a couple of times. I'm sure he was trying to hold back tears. I gave him the gentlest of squeezes. I was so groggy; I feel asleep holding him.
—
The alarm went off. I hit snooze. I was on my back, and Tyler's arm was around me. I'm not sure when he took his shirt off, but he was still in his underwear.
I turned on my side and let his arm stay around me. We slept for 10 more minutes, then I had to answer the alarm again.
"Good morning," I said. "I thought I might make us some breakfast. Do you want to sleep some more?"
"Is it okay if you just hold me a little longer."
"Okay."
I wasn't sure if either of us really slept. We just lay there, hopefully with me comforting him. the fact that he just wanted to be held longer impressed the direness of his situation on me. I was more concerned than ever.
About 30 minutes later, I rustled around. I needed to pee. As I came out of the bathroom, I saw his shirt bunched up by his pillow. My guess was that he wanted to wipe his eyes in the middle of the night. My heart was broken for him.
I made the four of us breakfast. Evan and Kristy didn't ask Tyler any questions, so that wasn't too awkward.
We went back to the bedroom.
"How do you feel?"
"I really don't know. Thank you for being there for me last night, Lance. You're very kind."
"I don't want you to feel like you're all alone. It's okay to depend on friends. I'd like for you to go talk to LGBTQ Services."
"Maybe."
"Tell me you will."
"Okay."
Tyler sounded like every bit of life had been drained from him.
"Hey. I'm going to take a shower. When I'm done, you are welcome to. I have a change of clothes that might fit you."
I showered quickly as to not leave him alone for too long. It was Sunday. I wasn't worried about shaving. I came out wrapped in a towel.
His phone rang. He ran to the living room to get it. He walked back into the bedroom talking to his boyfriend. I walked over to my dresser. I pulled a new pair of underwear out of the drawer, trying not to listen. It wasn't a long conversation; he hung up. I took the towel off but kept my back to him.
"Wow."
I turned. "What?"
"I was going to say you have a nice butt, but ... man! Your cock is huge!"
"It's just a dick," I said, pulling up my briefs.
"Oh no it's not. It's impressive. Trust me, when you don't have ... all that ... it's not just a dick to people who wish they did. Baker and I are not hung at all."
"It makes no difference."
"Said the man who has Hercules' penis."
"What did your boyfriend say?"
"He apologized. He said he didn't mean to get so rough last night. He said he missed me."
"You know this all won't change until he stops drinking, right?"
"He was just kidding around."
I swear after Peyton walked into the room after spring break, I knew he was the guy fooling around with the neighbor in the next dorm room.
For the next month, I would listen to the wall whenever Peyton wasn't in the room. I wondered if I would hear them ever again.
Of the three of us sharing the room, none of us were necessarily shy but nor were we exhibitionists. I was comfortable walking around after a shower, but Peyton probably hadn't seen me fully naked, at least for long periods.
After hearing him through the wall, I noticed he would glance at our third roommate if he undressed in front of us. I also liked watching him undress but tried not to look. He had chest hair, which I loved. Peyton didn't. He was smooth like me. Our third roommate came out of the shower one day and into the bedroom. Peyton had just grabbed a juice bottle from our mini fridge. He was up. I was still in the bottom bunk. Once our roommate entered the room, he had his towel wrapped around his neck. His full front was completely exposed. I glanced at his dick. It was average, but he had a sexy bush that I liked. But then I watched Peyton. He tried to glance as many times as he could to get a look.
Following that, I became more open. I waved my dick in front of Peyton a few times. At first, he hid his face when I noticed him looking. After a few times, he just looked at it directly.
"You're quite hung," he said.
"Oh. Thanks," I said casually.
The last time it happened, I got hard in front of him. A week later when it was just the two of us getting ready, he casually walked around naked in front of me. He got a raging boner in front of me. He actually stood next to my bunk so that I could see it close.
It was the last month of our freshman school year. Our third roommate had gone for the weekend. Peyton and I were all alone. It was past midnight. We'd each had a beer, obtained illegally, of course, since neither of us were 21.
Peyton called out in the dark. "Lance?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I lay in your bunk with you?"
"Oh?"
He hopped down from the top bunk. He pulled off his underwear. There was enough dim light from the window to where I could see a stiff erection. I hadn't really answered his question. He slid into my sheets anyway.
"I'm hard. I thought you might want to get hard too."
It was bold. Brave. I pulled down my underwear. I was hard within seconds. Sometimes it took my dick a minute or so to get full erect. Not in this situation. His anatomy was so close to mine. Intuitively, we each reached for each other's cock.
Peyton didn't make any moves to kiss me. It wasn't romantic. We just groped each other.
A few minutes into it, he leaned over and took my dick in his mouth. I hadn't had a blow job in a year. It felt good. Peyton seemed quite talented. While he sucked on my flesh, he rigorously stroked his own rod.
Knowing the guy next door could potentially hear, I moaned, but only softly. Peyton did too. He was a tad louder, but it was muffled with my cock stuffed into his mouth.
I was impressed with his moves. He kept at it for minutes, never tiring. His mouth kept servicing my erection, while his fist beat his dick like a piston. I got louder. I put my pillow over my mouth to muffle the noise. Peyton started using his tongue in his blowjob. It added new sensations. Pillow or not, I was really moaning with some volume. I was getting close.
"I'm going to come, Peyton."
He shoved his face down on my cock. I thrust my dick down his throat and unloaded thick cream inside his face. He hummed.
Seconds after I was done, he leaned up and pounded his dick above me. Peyton didn't shoot like Randall had in the past. His orgasm was more of a dripping faucet. It didn't shoot but oozed. Heavily. It formed a pool on my hip. He thrust forward and moved some of his ejaculation to my navel.
"I liked you swallowing my cum," I said. "That was amazingly hot."
"We're just fooling around. That's all."
We never talked about it. It happened again weeks later. It was the last week of school. Again, Peyton took it all. I told him again that I thought it was hot that he swallowed my cum.
"Yeah. We're just kidding. Having fun. You know."
"I'm not sure Baker is just kidding, Tyler. It seems like a pattern to me. Please make sure you are taking care of yourself."
Tyler left shortly thereafter. I told him that I was glad that he felt okay to call me. I reminded him that he has friends in the group and to not be afraid to depend upon them.
—
I visited with Jakob that afternoon. He didn't feel optimistic about Tyler's situation if he stayed in it. He praised me for being so kind. I was surprised he didn't show a hint of jealousy when I told him I held Tyler in bed. It made me feel very secure in our relationship. He had probably seen everything in his past, so me sharing some sympathy for someone was all right with him. It made me love him all the more. I really saw a nice future with Jakob.
We bought fresh produce at the store and prepared an elaborate chef salad for dinner. We felt good about the healthy choice. We thought about rewarding ourselves with ice cream for our good decisions but opted to not purchase it while in the store. This turned out to be a good thing because we both agreed after dinner that we would have dipped ourselves a big bowl without question.
I called Dad. He was excited to talk to Jakob. He was happy when he had heard the news about the apartment a few weeks ago, but the two of them hadn't had a chance to talk. Even though I couldn't hear Dad clearly all the time, I figured out most of the conversation. My father was amazing — in my eyes, at least. I loved how he accepted Jakob as part of my life. He never indicated that the two of us would be a mistake. Since then, he's been even more supportive. Those two talked a long time. I just simply wrapped up the call.
Trent's Blu-ray player was still there. I had rented something for us to watch. We first sat on the couch, but soon he was lying down, his head on a throw pillow in my lap. I let my hand slip down his shirt so that I could affectionately feel his chest as we watched TV.
Halfway through the film, he recalled that he had microwave popcorn in the cabinet. It wasn't ice cream, but still a reward for our healthy dinner.
I loved watching him piddle about the kitchen. My eyes got all misty knowing just a month ago he was still in the shelter. Even though our schedules weren't ideal, I knew he was now at home. We didn't get to see each other that often, but our time together was incredible. I was terrified for when the lease ran out, but we had several weeks to deal with that. For now, I just adored watching him. The simplicity of making popcorn had to be a blessing in and of itself. I never thought of our family as wealthy growing up. Our house wasn't necessarily huge, but I never wanted for anything. The microwave dinged. Just the smile on Jakob's face humbled me to no end.
We didn't feel like watching the news, so we went to the bedroom early. After we prepared for bed and stripped naked, we lay under the sheets, both of us looking up at the ceiling. Jakob handed me his schedule from the nightstand. We talked about what dates looked best for us this week. He actually had two days off in a row.
"Since you're off tomorrow, how about we both go get tested on my lunch break? We've talked about getting this done. I think it would be great for us take our sex life even to the next level. Knowing we are safe would be a total turn-on for me."
"Okay," he said.
"Until then, I bought that package of condoms for you ..." I said.
"... that are at your place," he noted.
"Except this one," I said, pulling it from my wallet.
Jakob reached into the nightstand for a bottle of lube. The one he had at his place was scented with cherry. It seemed odd to fragrance something so sexual with fruit aromas, but it did smell nice. He got out of bed to grab a towel.
"Lance, I love that you want me to fuck you — it's sweet — but ... I'm not really a good top."
He slipped back into the sheets. I held open my arms for him to snuggle in my embrace.
"Why do you say that?"
"Angel, you have a huge cock," Jakob said. It's easy for you to get in, go deep, score. When you don't have a big dick, you have to maneuver to get it right and you don't go in far."
"How about we try anyway?" I softly said, fondling his penis.
He rolled on top of me and kissed me softly. He moved in for a firmer kiss. My hands caressed the back of his head and we kissed heavily, matched by our heavy breathing minutes into our passion.
Both of our cocks were fully erect, and we pushed them into each other's groins. I loved feeling my flesh rub into his soft bush. We began grunting in our thrusts and kisses.
"Please fuck me," I whispered into his lips.
He laid out the towel while I ripped open the wrapper and took out the condom to roll onto his dick. I placed the latex sheath over his stiffened manhood and groped it. Jakob moaned feeling my hands grip his masculine tool. He reached for the lube and dripped the cherry liquid onto his fingers. I spread my legs open and let him finger my hole. I called out his name as the first digit penetrated me. He worked his finger inside me. Then two fingers began fucking my ass, moving and swirling inside my chute.
"Roll over for me, sweetheart," he said softly.
I heard him pop the lid again and squirt more lube. I listened to it being spread on his rod. One last drip was placed on my hole. He moved behind me, and I spread my legs to welcome him in.
Jakob's cock entered me. About an inch, just past the head, slipped inside. My body tensed a moment. Then I relaxed.
"You okay, angel?"
I nodded. He moved in further. I let out an "mmm."
He pulled almost out and then thrust forward placing all of his dick inside me.
"Ohhh!" we both screamed together. It felt good for both of us.
"Yes. Thank you for being inside me, baby. I've wanted it for a while," I lovingly said to him behind me.
Jakob started a rhythm of moving his cock in and out of my tunnel. It felt tremendous. His arms wrapped around my chest, and he let his fingers toy with my nipples underneath me. They had a slight film of lubricant remaining on his fingers.
"Do you like it, baby? Do you like being inside me?"
"Oh, Lance. My cock feels good. Yeah. I love fucking you."
I had not been fucked by many men. Just a few. The size of Jakob's cock was incredibly comfortable. My ass adjusted easily, and we both glided in motion together. He got louder, fucking my ass a little harder. Time lost all meaning. We could have been fucking for one minute or 15. I floated away.
"Oh, God, yes. My cock feels so good in you, Lance."
Jakob's mouth was right at my ear so I could hear his moans with ease, feeling his thrusts both physically and audibly. As loud as he was, I thought he might be coming shortly.
He pulled out.
"Hoo. I was too close. I don't want to come yet. Let me suck you, angel."
I rolled on my back, and he began deep throating my cock. I was astonished that he said he could never live up to my expectations when we first started dating. I thought Jakob was a dream in bed.
He sucked me for several minutes. His mouth, his tongue, his teeth, his taste buds stimulated me. I was getting loud. As he gratified me orally, he let a finger slip back inside my ass.
"Oh, Jakob. I need you back inside me. Please."
He pushed me on my side and worked his hips up behind mine. He grabbed my leg and pulled it high in the air. His cock touched my hole and gently worked back inside me.
"Oh fuck yeah," I told him.
His arm wrapped around my chest, and he pulled us close together, our bodies merging. He thrust his cock in and out. I lowered my leg and moved it forward. He continued fucking me with ease. He grunted behind me. I groaned in front of him. Words stopped. We were in animal mode in our volume. For a split second I wondered if neighbors could hear us. But it was so hot, I was hoping they could.
He lowered his hand from my chest and reached for my cock. It had lost its rigidity and he pumped it, making me hard again.
"Fuck yeah, baby. It all feels so good, Jakob."
"Me, too," he said back. "I'm close."
"Jerk me hard, honey. Make me come with you."
His hand was an engine. His strokes were precise and strong. I screamed in pleasure as he had my cock throbbing. Sensations were flooding me from the front and back of my waist.
"Lance. Oh, Lance. Baby!" He bucked his hips wildly. "I'm coming inside you, baby."
He pushed into my ass to milk all the cum from his erection that he could. He shoved my ass with his crotch, pounding me, crashing into me.
"Stay inside me, Jakob. Keep pumping my dick. Make me come."
His penis stayed inside me even if his crotch was now still. He pulled on my flesh fiercely. The nerves in my skin were electrifying me sexually. I groaned for a long moment without taking a breath.
"Yes!" I screamed, as cum shot from my body onto the towel. Spasm after spasm emptied my balls of their pent-up lust. Jakob pushed his cock back into me as I shuddered in my orgasm.
"Ohhh, yeah," I said, eventually lying still. "Fuck yeah."
His fingers released my cock, but one ran up the length of my manhood and played with the slippery cum at the tip of the head. He raised it to his mouth and licked it with his tongue. His dick was still inside me. He held me tight. We breathed together.
His cock softened and slipped from my crack. We both turned to lay on our backs.
"Liar," I said.
"Huh?"
"I think you make for a mighty fine top."
"Thank you for making me feel that way," he said, giving me a quick peck on the lips.
We used the towel to finish cleaning up. However, the fact that we were slightly sticky made us feel more connected as we drifted off to sleep.
* * * *
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