Hi, I'm Lance Chapter 14
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This chapter of Hi, I'm Lance is unique in that it straddles both sides of the next chapter of If It Weren't For the Two of Us. Note: there are small spoilers near the end if you would like to wait until that next chapter is posted as well.
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Meeting No. 22 September 20
"Hi, I'm Ophelia. I'm an alcoholic."
"Hi, Ophelia," the group responded.
"This weekend was rough. When I picked up my daughter at my ex's house, he had a new lady in his life. She was staying there. That – that shouldn't come as a big surprise, but it still hit me between the eyes. I never put it into words, but I figured once I was sober and life was on track, I thought just maybe we would get back together and be a family again."
My heart sank. O is such a good woman. This was heartbreaking.
"My daughter says she's nice. For her sake, I guess that's good. I dropped her off a couple of hours ago. I smiled at this woman and was very polite. My insides were broken glass. Thank heavens there was a meeting tonight. I actually drove into a convenience store parking lot. I stared out the windshield for 10 minutes. I was this close to just going in for a bottle of wine. Just one. My hands started to shake. Thank goodness this meeting was tonight. I needed you all. I'm feeling really alone.
"Thank you."
The group clapped.
I watched Ophelia through the next shares. She dabbed her eyes with a tissue. I'd come to really care for her. She's a nice soul, but this was clearly a blow she wasn't ready for.
"Hi, I'm Jakob ..."
"With a K. Hi, Jakob," the group responded.
"I seem to have a catch phrase. Since you know me ... I'm an alcoholic.
"I've been given a raise at work. That happened over a week ago. But this week, something happened that blew me away. I was trained to be on the cash register. For most people, that would be a `so what' thing. But, not having a place of my own, that's not a trust most businesses are ready to do for a homeless person. That trust ... it means the world to me. I just want to keep doing a great job."
I smiled from a couple rows back. I was so proud of him.
"Thank you."
The group clapped.
Tyler wasn't there, but Jakob, Cooper and I joined Ophelia for coffee.
"O, I'm so sorry about your ex. That hurt you. I could tell," I said.
"It did, boys. Although I wasn't expecting us to get back together, I thought it could possibly happen. But now, I'm just more alone that ever. It has been so, so long since I've been with a man. I just feel ... undesirable."
"Are you kidding? You're a catch. You're hot," I said.
"You love to flatter me, Lance, but I know better. I turn 44 in a few months."
"It doesn't make any difference," Cooper said. "You are a beautiful woman."
"And not just on the outside," Jakob said.
"You boys are sweet. Some nights ... they're just hard. Some nights you just want the feel of a man."
"Totally," the three of us answered in agreement.
All four of us laughed for a long time.
"I just wish, you know, to feel desired ... just one night. I guess I'm just drowning in my own pity. At least I'm not on the ledge to take a drink again."
It was reassuring to hear her say that.
"You should sleep with her, Lance," Jakob said.
I gagged on my beverage. I coughed and sputtered. "What!!??"
"You're supposed to be the bisexual one."
"Are you really auctioning off your boyfriend to someone else?"
"For a dear friend. I'd share you. But only for one night."
"Uhhh, gentlemen. Don't you think I should have a say in this?" Ophelia said.
"Of course," said Jakob. "I'm sorry. I'm sure that sounded awful."
I can't believe he even suggested this. Was he joking? It seemed like a harsh joke if so.
Conversation didn't get a lot lighter, but we moved on to other topics. Everyone hugged as we eventually left the coffee shop. Jakob's suggestion still perplexed me. He was spending the night at my place that night. As we lied in bed, I brought it up again.
"Babe, why would you want me to sleep with someone else?"
"I know you belong to me. We're great. We're amazing together," he said, oddly casually. "I'm not pushing you on her. She just needed some reassurance. You used to talk about being friends with benefits to Trent. I just thought she could use the encouragement."
"You didn't suggest encouragement, you suggested sex. And Trent never bought into the friends-with-benefits concept."
"I'm sorry, angel. I did throw it out there. I didn't think about what your feelings might be. I of all people should know better than that. I was thinking of a friend, but I didn't treat you fairly in that conversation. Forgive me."
"And you could really be okay with me sleeping with someone else?"
"A 40-year-old Black woman? Yes. Cooper? No."
"I have to say this surprises me."
"Then don't give it another thought. I regret ever saying it." He turned to give me a quick kiss. "Good night, sweetheart."
I lied there staring at the ceiling. It was the first night we had shared in a while where we didn't have sex. We weren't in the mood I assumed following the awkward conversation. His idea was so outlandish. But I began picturing it in my mind. O is very pretty. I have slept with women. Would she want me to sleep with her? If so, would I do it just to make her feel better about herself? It was simply insane to even consider it. To think I suggested to Trent that he and I should be friends with benefits now appalled me. What a slap to Mike. I'm sad I ever even asked him to do that. I was ashamed.
I rolled over to hold Jakob. I pressed my face into the back of his neck. My hand gently petted the hair on his chest. With him in my arms I felt comforted, and my brain allowed me to go to sleep.
—
After work the next day, I texted Ophelia.
"I'd like to stop by. Would you like some company? Lance."
"I'm confused."
"I'm just checking on a friend. Would you like some company?"
"You nut! I suppose."
She texted me her address and I said I'd be by at 7:30.
At 7:30, she answered the door looking as beautifully dressed as she always does. I stood in the doorway holding a bouquet of flowers. I was wearing a dress shirt and a jacket.
"Look at you!" she said.
I pulled my arm from behind me handing her a box of chocolates. She giggled.
"You're trying to make me feel special. You're a flatterer, Lance Wheeling."
We sat at her kitchen table. Ophelia put the flowers I brought her into a vase. She smiled looking at them and gently tapped my cheek in affection. She brewed me a hot tea. She had a cup of coffee. We talked a little about me. I told her how much Jakob meant to me and that I was too afraid to tell him I love him. Like Trent, she encouraged me to. I asked her how long it took her husband to say it.
"Before we had sex," she answered.
"Really?"
"We were young. We both had strict upbringings. It was more appropriate to take things slowly. He told me he loved me within a couple of months, and the next night we slept together. We got engaged a month after that. We started slowly and then switched gears completely."
As we continued to bare our souls to each other, she ripped the cellophane off the chocolates and we each started picking at them. After both of us had eaten three, we knew we needed to put them away. She put them in the back of the fridge. Our laughter and conversation were genuine and heartwarming. I've considered O a friend for several weeks now, but I now considered our friendship to be deeper.
"Well, since we're on a `date,' you can come watch my favorite show with me."
We sat together on her loveseat. She wrapped her arm around mine. Although she offered to pop popcorn, we both agreed the chocolate alone was going to do us in. The show was a reality TV show I wasn't familiar with. I actually didn't watch a lot of television. It was fun to watch her react to rivalries and alliances.
At the conclusion of the show, she placed her head on my shoulder. "Oh, this has been nice, Lance. Thank you for being a date for me."
I put my arm around here. "I've enjoyed it."
"You didn't really come over to sleep with me, did you?"
"I came prepared to be your date. I just wanted you to enjoy your evening however you wanted."
"You're a sweet boy. But that would have been a little silly for the two of us."
"As long as it didn't change our friendship. I'd never want that to happen."
"For sure," she said. "I don't think I could be the `friends with benefits' type."
"Trent couldn't either."
"People's opinions on intimacy are all over the place," she said, staring off into the distance. She leaned in to hold me.
"Like my boss," I said.
"Uh oh."
"Oh, it's old news. Nothing there. No problems. He just had a flair for sleeping around with whomever he wanted."
"I take it he wanted you."
"Back in the spring, yes."
Her hand massaged my chest. "There is something to be said for sharing a moment with someone. The feel of someone's touch on your skin ... my, there are times that your body just longs for it."
"Ophelia, are you asking me for more?"
"No. No, no, no."
I held her hand to my chest. She felt my heart.
"This itself feels nice," she said to me.
We sat quietly for a few minutes. Her hand moved to unbutton a couple buttons on my shirt and O slipped her hand inside to touch my skin. Her fingers moved back and forth across my pecs for a minute. Quietly, she stood up. Grabbed my hand and led me to the bedroom.
"And your Jakob is okay with this?" she asked, turning a lamp on to a dim setting.
"He was the one who sent me."
"And you're okay with this?" she said loosening her bra.
Ophelia stood before me nude from the waist up. I took off my shirt and we bared part of ourselves to each other. We hugged with our hands gently caressing each other's backs. We pulled apart just enough for each of us to touch one another's chests. I softly fondled her breasts, and she gripped my pecs.
I kissed her on the cheek gently.
"I'll be okay," I said. "I just can't do kissing on the lips. That's personal between me and Jakob."
"Okay, Julia Roberts," she said.
I looked at her confused. I didn't understand.
"Who's Julia Roberts? I – I don't get it."
"Oh my god, you're so young!" she said, pushing me onto the bed, chuckling.
Then her fingers unbuttoned my fly and pulled my pants down. I was a bit startled by her forwardness. It didn't bother me, but I was admittedly surprised. She took them all the way off my legs. I was down to my briefs. The attention had started by penis to get hard. She removed her slacks and pulled every bit of clothing off. Naked, she slipped into the sheets with the top half of her body exposed. I lifted up to pull the sheets back under me and covered up my legs. Ophelia's fingers reached down to my waist and traced the outline of my dick concealed under the cotton fabric.
"Oh my."
I slipped out of my underwear, and she gripped my erection. Gently, her fingers rubbed up and down the length of it. After having men for the past months, I realized the difference between the touch of a woman and a man on my skin.
"It has been so long since ... I've felt ... this, Lance. So long."
I turned toward her and let my hand caress her breast. I leaned in to kiss her neck.
"I brought a condom in my pants," I whispered to her.
"Eventually," she whispered back.
O leaned her body forward and bent over my crotch. I wasn't expecting her to take my cock into her mouth, but she slipped it over the end of my flesh. My tower soon felt warm and wet. She softly moaned as she feasted on my skin. My hand roamed on her back. She sucked me for a couple of minutes. Unlike the wild animalistic noise Jakob and I made, this was different. She and I were content to be soft and quiet.
"You weren't kidding in your share," she said, taking her mouth off my manhood. "You're big. Oh child, I've never seen anything like this."
"It's just a dick."
"I need it in me. I need to feel a man in me again. Are you okay with that?"
I got out of bed and pulled the condom package out of my pants. She pulled it from my hand. She wanted to roll it onto me. I let my fingers travel down to her hips. My middle finger ran up and down the slit of her vagina. She inhaled sharply at my touch. She paused after ripping open the package and enjoyed the moment of my fingers started to move inside her. I had slept with enough women to have developed a sense of what sensations I could produce fingering the female anatomy. She moaned and wriggled a bit as my hands serviced her pussy. She accepted it, letting her hand roam up and down my arm. I felt her become quite wet.
"Take me, Lance," she softly pleaded. "I need you inside me."
She rolled the protection down my stiff erection. I moved my body to position myself above her. She spread her legs giving me full access to her female genitalia. Her hand gripped my dick and playfully toyed with it up and down her slit. It was whimsical, but it made her giggle a bit. She let go and gripped my hips. Slowly she moved me inside her. A few inches went in, and she moaned. I withdrew a bit and then pushed back in further.
"Yes," she softly called out.
I pushed my cock all the way in. She gripped my ass. Our rhythm was good, about the same that Jakob would do to jack me off. Not too wild, but not too slow. My cock felt good inside her. The sensations were nice, but it wasn't what I had felt inside Jakob. That was the fuck that really did it for me.
After a few minutes, we both were breathing heavier. I moaned and grunted a little, she softly called my name among subtle moans. I let the weight of my chest lay atop her breasts and I kissed her neck. My hips thrust a little more firmly now. My cock was throbbing.
Maybe with a woman the electricity wasn't fully there. As good as my erection was feeling, I wasn't close to coming. One of my hands could reach her hair, and I let my fingers tease it as my crotch continued to push into hers. When I pushed my full length inside her, she moaned as my body crashed into hers.
"You feel good inside me, Lance. Your body makes me feel alive," she said affectionately.
My long dick moved in and out of her pussy gracefully. It did feel good. It wasn't Jakob, but the sensations were still nice. I surprised myself by letting a groan escape louder than I expected.
I leaned up on stiff arms and worked at pounding my cock within her more forcefully. The sliding of my organ up and down her canal became more stimulating. I grunted as I pushed harder.
Her breathing got quicker. My fucking got faster. My moaning got louder.
I returned to my elbows and pressed tight against her. Her hands squeezed my back, and I felt her fingernails dig in. She was panting rapidly. Her lips formed an "o" and she squealed a long call like a siren. I tried to push deeper. My cock was rocking her world.
"Oh, oh honey child," she whispered. "Ooooohhhh."
Her body began to writhe and shudder as she squealed in her orgasm.
"Lance!"
It brought me to the edge.
"Oh fuck," I softly called.
I pushed my cock into her with hard force. With each push of my crotch, I shot more cum into the latex of my manhood's sheath. I felt my penis pulse wave after wave. I grunted with each push, with each ejaculation.
We captured our breath. I kissed her on the cheek and rolled to her side, my dick escaping the welcome chamber it had been visiting for the last several minutes. My fingers returned to her pussy and gently caressed the flesh. She cooed at the further attention.
"As silly as all this was, I needed that," she said as she put her head on my shoulder. "Thank you."
My arm held her tight in response. I'm not sure how I felt about the whole thing. I did it because she was a good friend, not because I wanted to sleep with her. I didn't feel like I was cheating on Jakob; it was his idea — he pushed me into it. I was just with someone else. I was not with him. I didn't want to be with anyone but him. I loved him. I loved him. I loved him.
I have to tell him.
I felt Ophelia pull the condom off my cock. I couldn't tell where she placed it, but I felt her hand return to my dick to gingerly feel it.
"You're a lucky man, sir."
"It's just a dick."
"My husband would have wanted it."
I was surprised. Black men have a reputation for being endowed. I'm sure it varies just like white guys with the averages probably skewed higher.
As we laid there, naked but satisfied — and still teasing each other's genitals — I got lost in thought.
"Ophelia, you're Black ..."
"I am? Why didn't someone tell me!!"
"Oh, shut up. Listen to me," I said as she chuckled at her joke.
"Do you like your job?"
"What do you mean?"
"I've met several people at the gym. Many of them have their own businesses. One of them is a woman. She has a clothing store, women's clothing, and all the ... what do you call them? ... accessories. I heard her saying she needed to diversify her clientele. She felt she was ... is there a different way to say it than ... too white? I think she wants to be more inclusive. You are such an attractive woman of color, and your sense of style is spot on. Would you be interested?"
"Well. I don't know. What's it pay?"
"That I have no idea. But it perhaps could be something secondary or a new direction for you. I'm willing to get some info if you want."
"That's so kind of you, Lance," she said, still fondling my dick as we talked. "Sure. What do I have to lose?"
"Okay then." I looked at the clock. "I hate to say it, but I should probably end our `date' and get home. Evan doesn't know where I am; I think as a recovering alcoholic, it isn't a good idea for me to not show up. I should head home. He would worry."
"That's fine, sweetie. But can I have another 30 seconds with this?"
She placed her mouth on my penis and slurped on it for another minute.
"Who knows when I'll have another man again, and I'm never going to have this again."
I smiled at her. She was at my side, and I could reach her vagina again. My fingers went into her. She moaned.
"More?" I asked.
"Um hmm."
She straddled my chest, and my fingers went to work. She leaned back to fondle my cock. I had just come; I wasn't getting hard again — for a woman. But it felt nice. For some reason I was getting a charge out of pleasuring O. With her above me this time, I could see what a beautiful woman she really was. Her pussy was quite wet, and I stimulated it clearly to satisfaction. Minutes into it, she did manage to get me hard again. My fingers played her cunt like a maestro, and she squealed in her second orgasm, her body writhing above me and on my fingers.
"Ohhhh, sweetie. You need to go home or I'm gonna want to do this all night."
We chuckled. She leaned over and gave me the smallest peck on my lips.
I dressed. She put on a robe. As I walked to the door, we glanced at the flowers at the kitchen table.
"They're beautiful," she said. "But they don't come close to being as beautiful as you."
I smiled. I probably blushed but had no idea what my cheeks looked like.
"Let them remind you that you have friends who truly care for you."
"I do. I appreciate them. I appreciate you. I loved our little date. I can't thank you enough, Lance. It'll be just between us."
We held each other in front of the door for a long moment. My thoughts were still split. It was a pleasant and enjoyable evening. The sexual experience just seemed ... incorrect. I should only be with Jakob. He's the one I love. Everything was upfront about all this, but I still couldn't shake off the weird edge to it. I was just glad Ophelia felt better.
"I'll see you Wednesday," I said as I broke our embrace.
Twenty minutes later I was preparing for bed. I looked at Jakob's schedule. He was off tomorrow.
"I see you are off tomorrow/Tuesday. I'd like to pick you up for lunch."
—
I arrived at work before 9. I was on a silly high from my date with O, although I still felt a little confused about it. But more than anything, I wanted to see Jakob.
"Just saw this. Sorry. Okay. I'll wait outside. What time?" his text came in shortly into my shift.
Fantastic!
"I'll pick you up at 12:15."
He sat on a bench in front of the shelter wearing one of my T-shirts. It made me smile.
He hopped in the car, and we gave a quick kiss.
"We'll have to eat fast; I don't have a lot of time, but ... I ... wanted to ... I needed to ... I had to see you."
Jakob looked concerned.
"I'm mad at myself for not doing this sooner, but I didn't want to go one more day. I hope I don't scare you ..."
Which, clearly, I had because he looked terrified.
"... but I just want you to know. Jakob, I love you. I'm IN love with you. I love every minute we're together, and I hate it when we're apart. I love you. I. Love. You."
My heart was a jackhammer. I hoped he was glad to hear it. What if it freaked him out? I had said it so fast; I didn't allow myself to be nervous. But now I was. I became terrified that I might have done the wrong thing.
"Lance. Lance, Lance, Lance. My angel." He gave me a huge smile. "I am glad you told me. I've felt the same for several weeks. I didn't want to rush it; I didn't want to push things too fast. But I felt it. I've wanted to tell you too. I totally love you."
Our eyes locked. We both smiled. Huge smiles. Gargantuan smiles. Planetary smiles. We pressed our lips together and entered into our most passionate kiss we had ever shared.
"I have to say, I wasn't expecting this," he said. "I thought you would tell me about your evening with Ophelia. Or chastise me for suggesting it."
"It ... it was okay. A little strange. But the whole bisexual thing was still workable. I guess. It was nice ... but weird."
"So, you two did it, huh? I'm sorry I pushed you into that."
"I would never have suggested it myself, but ... it did her some good, I believe. We had a nice time. But Jakob, I thought about you all night. I just want to make love to you. Only you. I love you. That's all I thought about."
His hands moved behind my head. His fingers sifted through my hair and pulled me into his lips.
We skipped lunch. We had the 35 minutes before I had to be back. We spent the entire time kissing. We were in love.
I walked him into the shelter. It was the first time for me to be inside. He had mentioned Gerard before; I had a chance to meet him. Gerard said kind things about Jakob. I looked at where Jakob slept.
I had one goal. I wanted him out of there.
—
"I did it," I texted to Trent.
"Did what?" he buzzed back seconds later.
I dialed.
"What's going on?" Trent answered.
"I told Jakob I loved him. He said it back."
"Great!" Trent replied.
"It sounds so silly now, to say it out loud, it really isn't a big deal at all."
"Yes. It is. How do you feel?"
"Like my heart is on fire — in a good way!"
"I can hear it your voice. It's awesome. I am SO happy for you Lance. You two are so good together."
"We are. I love him so much."
"I know I couldn't give you what you deserved, y'know, months ago. I am so happy that someone has found that special place in your heart. You really deserve this happiness, Lance."
"Thanks, buddy."
"Now I need to get him out of that shelter."
"Have you talked with Evan at all? Maybe moving in might be a possibility."
"That puts him on the spot. It's not fair. Plus, I want Jakob to feel okay on his own. He has taken huge steps in starting his own life. Depending on someone else is like a step back."
"Something will work out," Trent said.
"I hope so. Maybe I'll go talk to this Gerard. Surely they work at trying to place these people."
"That's a good idea."
"How's Mike?"
"He's good. We're good. He's coming with me to Matt and Ali's wedding."
"Sweet!"
"My parents are attending too."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Trent, do you think you'll be okay seeing your father?"
"I hope it isn't a scene. He better not. It's their wedding for heaven's sake. Surely he wouldn't cause a disruption."
`I'm more worried about you. Will you be okay seeing him?"
"For their sake, I'll make it through."
After we hung up, I was so surprised at how many lives in which I had become entangled. I will always look out for Trent. Now I want to find Jakob a place. I'm worried about Tyler. And good lord! I slept with Ophelia last night. That was crazy. As nutty as it is worrying about these people, I feel happy that they are in my world.
—
Trent called me two days later. He had a lot to share after getting home. I listened to him intently as he recounted what he had experienced. We didn't see each other as much. I enjoyed our talks. I should get him to join my gym.
He enjoyed Matt and Ali's wedding — a lot. I wasn't necessarily a "wedding person," but I didn't have anything against them. It was never anything I really had to think about.
Thank heavens he took a step with rebuilding things with his father. It was a baby step, but at least the right direction.
When he said Mike had told him something, I could hear it in his voice. I had never really heard Trent sound like that before. It was the most simplistic edge to his voice, like a tiny dagger of agony stabbing his speech. It sounded alone and helpless and desperate, even though none of the words did. Mike had confessed he had regretted not having Trent move in after graduation. Everyone knew that was the sensible way to begin their long-term relationship. But now they felt apart, and Trent was stuck in a lease.
"I don't know what to do, Lance. I want to move in with him — that's a huge next step for us — but I'm stuck in the apartment until the holidays. This sucks."
"Totally. I'm happy for you two."
"It will work out. If nothing else, it won't be that long. It will pass."
We said "I love you" to each other and then hung up.
I sat on the couch empathizing with Trent. I couldn't ask Jakob to move in. It was too soon. I had Evan as a roommate. I felt that ache of not being with the one you loved.
Like lighting a fuse, something sparked. My brain started connecting dots. It seemed silly, but at the same time, it wasn't that implausible. I called Trent back.
"I have an idea."
* * * *
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