This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings,beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it mightnot be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at timesbetween males, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If youare too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kindof story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - -ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Michael Timothy Headly -- That's me! (Sometimes ... Ronny)
Spike -- (Diane, my big sister)
Mary -- My mom
Tom -- My father.
Gilbert Blank -- Friend from Woodland
Joey Gray -- Gilbert's "little brother"
Bobby Pepper -- New friend
Arlo Gates - Orienteer
Randy Samson -- Arlo's roomie
James Samson (Jay) -- Randy's adopted brother and ... My Twin! (Shawn)
Blair -- New Roomie (Todd is his friend from high school)
Jacky -- one of five brothers and a sister: Jared, Jed, Jimmy, Jock and Julie
... From Chapter 19:
At 6:55 there was a knock at the door. He opened the door. Julie had brought two of their brothers.
"Jock!" said a very shocked Jacky. He stared daggers at his sister.
"Hi little brother!" Said Jock. Jock looked the part. Definitely an offensive line backer type! He strode in and hugged his brother and kissed him on the cheek.
Then Julie came in and smiled at me. "Hi Mike -- hi Jacky."
Then came Jimmy. Jimmy was tall and thin with a pot belly. He walked to Jacky and also hugged him and kissed his cheek.
Jacky looked at each one of them in succession. "What's going on?" He said.
Jock giggled. "You and Mikey here been having some fun, Jaqueline?"
Chapter 20
Julie looked apologetically at an almost livid Jacky. "I told them on the way over -- to save you the trouble." Said Julie, giving Jock a death look.
Again, Jacky collapsed into a chair. Jock was the first to talk. He sat on the floor, hugged his brother's legs, and, teary-eyed himself, he looked up into Jacky's face. "Did you think I didn't know, Jacky?"
"Wha -- what?" Jacky's eyes opened wide.
"You're my favorite little brother, Jackamo! I'm sorry I tease you so much, but it's just my way of loving you! I've prayed and prayed for you ... and about you! Sometimes I just want to wrap my arms around you and hug you ... but then I'm not sure what signal that might send to you, so I've been afraid. Do you think I have not noticed how you've been avoiding talking to Bishop -- about your mission? You aren't going ... are you?"
"Do -- do you -- think I should?"
"It's kind of a personal decision, I guess. I met some guys out there I wondered about. I never had one for a comp, but -- there was this one guy that -- um -- just seemed -- different -- in that way."
"You mean -- he was a fem -- like me?" Jacky said mirthlessly.
"As a matter of fact, no. And I never thought of you as fem, either. You're just my brother. No, this guy was just the sweetest guy in the world. He loved everyone and would do anything for anyone. But sometimes, like on p-day when we'd play basketball or smear the queer -- oops -- sorry!"
Jacky finally smiled, "I never liked that game! Because I was always the queer that got smeared!"
"Jackamo -- I don't know what to tell you -- about this -- thing ... all I know it that I love you, li'l bro, and I'll accept whatever you -- um -- decide to do."
"Me too, Jacky." Said his older brother, Jimmy. "Maybe Jock knew because he's closer to your age -- or something. Or maybe -- maybe -- I just ignored the -- um -- signs. But when Jules told me," he looked at his sister, "it was like -- hmph! I wasn't all that surprised. I just never thought about it, I guess.
"I too know that there were a couple guys in my mission that were gay. Well -- one actually got sent home -- after coming on to his companion. The other just -- as far as I could tell -- chose to follow mission rules -- that's all. I'm not even sure he was gay -- but I think he was. And no, he wasn't fem either. But there's just a way that some guys look at you -- you know?"
"I'll have to be more careful how I look at people -- erm -- guys!" Said Jacky. Then he sighed. "So what now?"
"I don't think anyone can tell you what to do, Jack." Said Jimmy.
"That's right," added Jock, "you just have to decide for yourself what you want to do."
"I don't even know what I should be deciding on."
"You can't live a lie, Jacky!" Said Jock. He received a withering look form Jimmy. "Well, he can't! Either he has to decide to be like the apostle Paul and just live celibate -- or he decides to be gay."
"I AM gay!"
"No you're not, Jack!" said Jimmy. "You're sexually attracted to men. But you aren't gay unless you decide to BE gay.
"Well then ... I guess I'm gay. I'm sure as hell not gonna live without sex!"
"You're still young, Jacky," said Jimmy, "When you're older you won't be so -- so -- driven by sex."
"Aw, c'mon, Jim!" Said Jock. "Jacky's 20, I'm 22 and you're almost 24. Are you telling me you've lost your sex drive? If that's so I'm sorry for you ... and a little scared!"
There was a short silence in the room. It felt like a small spark could ignite the whole house -- there was so much energy in the room. "You're right, Jocko." Said Jimmy, after a sigh. "Jack, Jock is right. You just have to do what you have to do. Have you prayed about it?"
"Oh yeah," said Jock sarcastically, "I think I'll ask God if I should be gay!"
"I think God understands a lot more than you give him credit for, Jock!" Said Jimmy. "I'm not ready to say the he made anyone gay, but -- I just think he understands a lot more than anyone knows. I AM sure that he loves Jacky -- and you -- and me -- even though we do all kinds of crap that we shouldn't. Isn't that why we take the sacrament every week?"
"So -- what," started Jacky, "What do I do about Mom and Dad?"
"You can start by having a little more faith in them!" Said Jimmy.
"Yeah," Added Jock, "Do you think that they're gonna kick you out of the family -- just because you're gay?"
"I -- I was worried about that."
"That's pretty self-centered, Jacky!" Said Julie. "We all love you ... especially Mom and Dad. But you are so focused on you -- that you think everyone is against you."
"I think Dad will freak!" Said Jacky.
"Even if he would -- is that a reason to keep it a secret from him? He's not stupid. He probably already knows too!"
"I wanted to tell them tonight -- with Mike there as support." Said Jacky.
"That's not fair to Mikey, Jack.." Said Jimmy. "I've got a few years before I am a psychiatrist, but I know the classic responses. Parents will almost always blame anything but themselves -- so they'd blame your friend."
"What?" It's got nothing to do with Mom and Dad! Why should they - "
"Parents just do! They assume it's their fault then look for anything or anyone else to blame ... so it WON'T be their fault."
"This sucks!" Said Jacky.
"Jock grinned and opened his mouth but was cut off by Julie, "Don't say a word, Jock-o! You're right, Jacky -- it does suck -- big time."
"What should I do?"
"From what Jules said, the bishop may already have some idea. Maybe you should tell him first. I know him. He won't tell anyone. It's not like you're 16 still. You're 20 and he's not about to go running to mommy and daddy to tattle." Said Jimmy.
Jacky closed his eyes and bowed his head. He sighed and said, "No. I'll tell them -- tomorrow night. Maybe at least you guys can be there with me."
"Of course we will." Said Jimmy.
"Maybe you should go now," Said Jacky, "and let me -- think about this some more."
His three siblings headed for the door. He hugged all of them and they left. A moment later, the door burst open and Jock came in. he looked awkwardly at me and then grabbed his brother and pulled him in tight, then kissed him on the lips -- then whispered something to him and ran out.
Jacky stared at the door for a long moment then choked trying to say something. I stepped to him and he assumed I was going to embrace him, so he fell into my arms, and wailed.
"What did he tell you?"
"I -- I -- I -- never knew! He told me that -- that -- he loved me and I was always his favorite brother!"
"Well, they left us all this pizza and root beer." He said. "We better eat it!"
We put some pizza in the microwave and poured out some root beer. We pretty much worked in silence until Jacky said, "Kiss me -- please?"
I picked him up and he wrapped his legs around me and I kissed him deeply. He sighed and relaxed himself into my body until the microwave turned off. "I really do love you, Mikey! No -- you don't have to answer. I know you love your brother. And after a week, I know my love is shallow -- but -- I still feel it."
We flipped on the TV, and came into the beginning of a rerun of "Brothers and Sisters". At the end, He said, That's ridiculous! That woman is having an affair, and every one of her children is too -- and guess who's the only ones who are true to his partners? The gay couple. .That's kind of warped!" I agreed.
We went to bed and lay for about 20 minutes, on our backs, looking at the darkened ceiling. Finally, Jacky turned to me and traced a line all over my upper torso with his finger. "So -- are we gonna make love tonight ... or what?"
I pulled him up on top of me and kissed him passionately. Then I sighed and said, "I'm up for anything we've done already."
"How about what we started before your brother called?"
"It's very tempting. But no. I don't want to disappoint you, but ... no."
"Okay -- it was worth a try!"
He made passionate love to my hand ... and my very willing lips loved kissing him at the same time" And my very willing willy made love to his thighs. We made love in that way. We made each other climax several times during the night, including swallowing a lot of cummy-yummy. We made a mess of the bed ... then slept in it -- spooned up close!
I let him talk me into coming to church with him. I wore my best casual clothes ... some new jeans with a plaid shirt tucked neatly into the waist. I rolled the cuffs up high and creased them with the iron. I knew what he was going for. I looked at myself in the mirror before going out the door: My whole look shouted ... gay -- gay -- gay! He didn't say it, but he wanted to soften the blow in this way.
We looked so out of place. Nearly every young man in the church had a white shirt on, with a tie. I thought maybe we looked a little too faggy, but everyone was so totally nice to us! His mother asked me back for supper after church. I declined, claiming too much homework.
I rode the bus all over, not really wanting to go home to an empty house myself. I saw the stamp on my wrist that was put on me as we left Hurricane Harbor, which reminded me to toss the ticket still in my pocket. I almost did, but then noticed that it was a weekend pass! I went back out to the amusement park and walked all around it, riding rides I had been on yesterday, and just watching all the people having fun. I felt melancholy as I considered what Jacky had to do and this seemed to magnify how I missed my brother.
I wasn't lying when I said I had homework to do, but I lost track of the time and found myself sitting -- almost in a trance -- watching a couple -- a gay couple -- across a pond.
"Sir?" I snapped out of my near stupor and looked at the young guy in coveralls, with the park logo on his left breast. "Sir! The park will be closing in fifteen minutes."
I looked at his very pleasant face. "Oh." I said. "I guess I better get going."
"I couldn't help seeing you watching that couple over there across the pond. They look so much in love, don't they?"
I shook my head to clear the cobwebs. I looked and he was still smiling, but with a knowing look.
"Sorry. I guess I was zoned for awhile. I didn't get enough sleep last night. Good freaking grief! It's almost 11! How long do you have to be here after we leave?"
I was just making conversation, but he answered, "Oh, I can leave any time. I mean -- I'm off when the park closes. I usually stay a bit to see if there's anyone who needs help."
I looked deeply into his eyes and made a decision. "I'm new here -- from California actually. I'm not sure how to get out of this place. "Maybe you can point me to the bus stop."
"I'll do better than that. Hop on my scooter over there and I'll take you -- well, both of us -- to the gate -- and after that, maybe you will need some directions to the bus - - ?" He smiled sweetly.
"Thanks. I think I'll take you up on that offer."
We walked to the "scooter" and on the way to the gate we learned that he lived just a block and a half from me in another off campus student housing unit. He rode home with me. I invited him in.
"I'd love to ... but I need to finish some things before classes tomorrow. Rain Check?"
I got his number and stored it in my phone. I noticed that I had forgotten to turn it on after church. On the bus we disclosed to one another that we were both gay. I mused how strange it was that our house was so gay.
"I think it's unofficial, but I think that they screen people and put gay and ... gay-friendly ... people together, as they suppose our leanings."
"Wo! That's got to be illegal!" I said.
"I could be wrong, but I noticed the same thing you did. I'll talk to you really soon, kay, Mike?"
"Thanks Jody." I said. "See yah!" he said and he ran down the street and around the corner.
I went into the house and headed straight for my room. Then I heard breathing across the room. I saw the tall form stretched out on the couch. "Randy?" I whispered.
"Yeah."
"Are you okay? Why aren't you in our room?"
"You've got company in there. I'll sleep out here tonight."
"Company? Who - "
"Jacky. He didn't say much, only that he'd wait for you. I told him to go in there. He seemed pretty upset."
I padded over to Randy and kissed the top of his head. "Thanks, Randy."
I was two steps away when he said, "Um -- just because I'm marrying your sister doesn't mean you can't kiss me g'night!"
I turned and fell on him, surprising him. He giggled softly and kissed me ... deeply. "Dang, but you DO know how to kiss me, Bro!" He said. "I'm tempted to do more, but -- it'd be weird ... wouldn't it?" He said it as if he were hoping I would tell him he was wrong. I didn't.
"Yeah, it could be some day." I said, pecking his cheek and squeezing his package as I got up.
"You ARE a devil!" He said.
"Don't worry," I said as I walked toward the hall, "That couch doesn't have any squeaky springs!"
"G'night." He said, "And thanks!"
As I neared the last door down the hall, I heard sniffling. I knocked gently.
"Yeah -- um -- Mikey?"
"Yeah, I'm here, Jacky. What happened?"
He took a shuddering breath and a deep sigh. "I was starting to think that my brothers and sister were right. But they were dead wrong!"
"About what?"
"My dad. He was so pissed! He said I couldn't be gay! After all, wasn't I his son? Then he told me, `NO! You're no son of mine! No son of MINE is gay!" He paused to grab a breath and another sob. "He kicked me out!"
"What about your mom?"
"She didn't like it -- of course, but she tried to talk some reason with him. But -- I've never seen him like that! I hated seeing him talk to Mom like that, so I just told him I'd come back later to get my stuff, and left. I dunno what I'm gonna do. I have a job, but -- I wasn't planning to -- move out quite this soon. Don't worry -- I know I can't stay here. I've already put your roommate out on the couch."
"I'm so sorry, Jacky!" I said. "my parents were so reasonable! Maybe it was because I was adopted ... and maybe my dad didn't take it so personally because of that. I dunno. But Jay's dad took it pretty good too. What about your brothers. Were they able to say anything?"
"Well, you know that Jimmy's almost a psychologist already. He said a few things, in a reasonable tone, but Dad was not listening to any of it. Then Jock started in with him. They were yelling at each other when I left. Jock came after me and told me to come back -- that I didn't need to leave tonight. He offered to come with me! He was so pissed at dad! I told him no. I did have him pack a few things for me though. No way I was going back there while Dad was still in there."
Neither of us noticed how loud he was talking. There was a knock at the door. "Yes?" I said.
"Can Ah come in for a moment?" said Arlo.
"C'mon." I said.
"Ah'm sorry to eavesdrop, but it was kindly hard not to, yah know?"
"Sorry." I said.
"No -- I'M sorry!" said Jacky. "I'll find a place tomorrow, I promise."
Very soft spoken, Arlo said, "Maybe there's another way -- at least for awhile."
"What -- I mean -- huh?" Said Jacky.
"Ah've got some room in mah room. Ah don't think anyone'd take notice if you stayed there for awhile. It wouldn't bother me a-tall!"
As it worked out, Jacky didn't need to stay with Arlo very long. But in the short time together, they bonded and ... that's how Jacky and Arlo got together.
It was ten days later when a very irate Jock showed up at our door. Jock was more my size, but as I said, built like the line backer he was! He had never made up with his dad for kicking his little brother out, so he told him where to get off and left home too. On the way out he told his dad, "And by the way ... I'm gay too!"
Of course he only said that to get another dig in to his dad. But again, we had another guest staying on our couch. If it had been a regular dorm, it would not have been allowed. If anyone knew what was going on, it wouldn't have been allowed in our bungalow.
Seven guys in one house WAS overloaded. But it was temporary. The day after Jock showed up, he and Jacky went out looking for permanent housing. They found it closer to home, in Aurora, a short bus ride from us and from their parents' home ...
... which as it worked out was nice for me and Jock. We became quite close, because I had taken in his brother when he was in need.
"I have to tell you, I was skeptical about you when Jules first brought you home." Said Jock. "I saw immediately how Jacky was attracted to you ... and you to him ... and I wasn't too sure I liked that. Being from California and all, I was immediately put off by you."
"I hate that! People back here are so rude sometimes -- just because I'm from California. It's like they think that classifies me somehow!"
"Yeah -- they probably assume that you're gay -- like all Californians!" He laughed.
"You can laugh! But I think you're right! Does it even register that California had voted twice to not allow us to marry?"
"Well, I have my own feelings about that, but even beyond that -- there is the Hollywood rabble."
"I wish I could divorce myself form Southern California. I'm from a little hick farming community in Northern California."
Jock and I had eaten dinner with all the other guys, but one by one ... okay - two by two -- they disappeared. We were left alone in the living room.
For a footballer, I found him pretty nice. He also got on well with Todd and Blair, but, unlike Jock, neither of them were much disposed to academic pursuits -- especially Todd. But they could talk football and -- all of them worked out so ... made my insides roil sometimes.
"So -- I heard that California is mostly a farming state." He said.
"People can skew facts any way they want. But in reality, farming IS our biggest export, closely followed by the movie industry. But guess what gets the most press!" I said. It wasn't a question. "So ... I'm just a big ol' farmer!"
"A not-so-big ol' GAY farmer!" He countered, laughing.
"Well, there seems to be a lot of it going around, doesn't there?" I smiled. "Look at your family."
"Yeah, we have our quota, don't we?" He answered.
"At least two that I am aware of." I said flippantly.
"Two??!!"
"Well -- you and your brother! Are there more?"
"ME!!??" He exclaimed, but laughing. "I'm not gay!"
"Easier said than proved!" I prodded. "I've seen how you look at Blair and Todd ... and I've even caught you looking at me!"
"Oh come on -- you -- you're -- um -- serious, aren't you?"
I didn't say anything, but I smiled knowingly.
"I'm NOT! I'm NOT gay!"
"You already told your dad that you were!"
"I was only trying to get his goat. I didn't - "
"But the way you explained it, it came out pretty easily -- didn't it?"
I guess I pressed him too much. As I'd seen before, he exploded. He flew out of the chair he was in and took two steps to the couch I was on and pinned me, and came dangerously close to smashing my nose all over my face. He stopped just a molecule above my nose. The rage turned to embarrassment, as he realized he reacted too strongly. He got off me and started to walk away then turned back.
"I'm not gay." He said evenly.
"Prove it." I said.
"Wha -- how -- I mean how could anyone prove -- what are you getting at?"
I stood and said, "Kiss me."
"You're warped!" He said disgustedly, but his eyes were nervously jumping.
"No one's here. No one will know but you and me. Here's your chance, Jock. I won't tell anyone, one way or the other. I won't tell anyone anything. Just kiss me. And if you don't like it -- then I'll know ... and maybe you'll know -- that you are truly not gay."
"You're serious?"
"I have to tell you -- I won't make it easy on you. I have wanted to kiss you ever since you came here the night you walked our on your dad. Then ... I wanted to kiss you to thank you for supporting your brother, But since then, I have drooled over the thought of kissing you. I won't make it easy for you."
"You're crazy! Just because - "
"Just prove it. That's all you have to do. Kiss me -- once!"
"I must be crazy!" he said. "I'm thinking of doing it! I gotta be insane!"
"Just kiss me and get it over with."
He strode to me and grabbed my head almost violently and pressed his closed mouth on mine, then almost jumped back. "There! You satisfied? I kissed you! I'm not gay!"
"Psht! That wasn't a kiss!" I prodded. "Is that how you kiss girls?"
"You're crazy if you think I'm gonna kiss you like - " then he thought about it some more and came back and again forcefully pulled me into a kiss ... this time opening his mouth and forcing his tongue nearly to my throat.
When he did that he was standing like an a-frame in front of me. I closed the gap and locked my arms around him and kissed him deeply. He struggled to get free, but I held on for dear life and then stopped kissing him. He was so relieved he relaxed and I just smiled into his face, making him drink in my eyes.
After a long three seconds, he pulled me even closer and kissed me again. No ... for him this was the first REAL kiss he gave me. He softened his lips and tongue and his whole body softened up as he melded himself as close as he could get to me.
We both felt it at the same time. His body might have gotten soft but something in his pants was hardening between us. Mine was already at attention. That was of course a given.
We heard steps on the front porch. We sprang back like opposing magnets and flew back to our seated positions. He quickly adjusted the front of his pants.
Arlo and Jacky walked in and looked at us. We must have looked very guilty, because both of them said, "What?"
"Nothing." Said Jock.
"If it was nothing, you sure were staring us down when we walked in!" Said Jacky. "What -- what did you think we were doing out there?"
Jock picked up that like a intercepted pass. "What WERE you doing out there?"
"Nothing!" said Jacky.
"Then why did you look so guilty?" Said Jock.
I was having a hard time keeping a straight face. By this time, I felt like exploding into laughter.
"Me!!?? I -- er -- hey! What I do with Arlo is none of your business!"
"You're right little brother. I'm sorry. Just my big brother syndrome in overload I guess." Jock grinned.
The two smaller guys walked past us to Arlo's room -- and closed the door. Just before it closed, a finger appeared -- the disappeared.
Jock and I almost collapsed from trying to hold in our giggles. I pulled him in to my room and this time I pulled him into another hug ... and kiss ... that left no doubt that he liked it!
"Where did you learn to kiss like that?"
"Are you sure you want to know?" I asked.
"No! I mean -- yes! I am interested! No girl ever kissed me like that!"
"It actually was a girl who taught me to kiss." I said. his eyes widened. "But it was a guy from San Francisco who taught me to kiss like that."
"I think you may have spoiled me for kissing girls -- ever again!" He said and came at me again. I knew he was strong enough, so I jumped up and wrapped my legs around him.
He stepped back and closed the door, and also turned off the light. I don't think he liked the image he saw in the mirror.
He started talking and sounded so much like his brother in the dark. His voice got higher and so unsure of himself! "What -- what -- do I do now?" he said in a high voice, almost a whisper.
"Didn't you ever feel anything for at least one of your missionary comps? Didn't you tell me that you changed comps every sex weeks?" I asked.
"I -- well -- yeah, but -- if I felt anything, I guess I sublimated it. I was out there to serve God -- not satisfy my own needs. I knew guys that were doing stuff ... and I thought it was disgusting. But I didn't think it was any worse for guys to be getting it on with guys as with girls. Some of guys did that too. More than with guys. Many of them got sent home too."
"Many of them? Not all of them?"
"Well, it only makes sense. A guy can make a mistake with a girl and he can easily repent. But it's too much temptation to put a guy with a companion he might be attracted to sexually. So in almost all cases gays are sent home."
He was still holding me -- with my legs wrapped around him. I let them fall to the floor and then slowly, I started to unbutton his shirt and removed it. He just stood there, as I undid his pants and pulled them down. He did the same for me. I didn't have an undershirt on and when I went to remove his, he stopped me.
He took a deep breath and carefully removed his tee shirt and folded it and put it carefully on the desk. He did the same with his underwear. When he came back to me -- completely nude, his eyes were filled with tears. "Are you okay?" I asked.
"Not -- not altogether." He said. "Please don't ask any more questions. Let's just do -- um -- whatever it is you think we should do."
He then proceeded to remove my briefs and closed his eyes and he ran his hand from the bottom of my scrotum to the tip of my boner. I moaned deeply and he pulled me in again, our bodies hot for each other, and we kissed passionately, and I pulled him down on to the bed.
"Show me what it is that my brother likes so much!" He whispered.
Notes. I really didn't see THAT coming! I seldom know ahead what my boys will do and how they'll react. Your reactions are welcome. If you are so inclined, send them to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and love, Steve