DISCLAIMER:
The usual copyrights exist on this as well as all of my works. This story involves sexual contact between young males. If this type of story is not what you're accustomed too, fit for your liking, or for any reason forbidden where you live, please do not read any further. I also apologize for any vulgar and offensive language that may be presented. This is the way that I depict my characters and I will write them accordingly. On the other hand, if none of the above applies to you then enjoy this and many of my other works of fiction.
Chapter 20 Brandon's POV (part 4)
"What the fuck B, you didn't want him" Shon said in my room texting his girlfriend.
"I never said that" I stated upset.
"Then why when we left three months ago you said that you never wanted to see him again" Shon said looking up at me.
"I was upset" I said tying my shoe strings on my boots.
"Or how bout the time you said he came over and you shut him down" Shon stated.
"Krush came over" I defended myself.
"What about when I told you he was around school with Q holding hands and getting flowers" Shon informed me again.
"That don't mean anything" I quickly stated remembering the statement.
"Or the way you told me you saw the two of them around school and at the football games" Shon said making me think.
"I'm telling you B, you're stubborn attitude sent Jayse right in Q's arms" Shon said getting up and grabbing his coat.
"Whatever man, I know Jayse. It's only been three months. He can't quit me that easy" I stated.
"Says who?" Shon asked.
"I do. If you love someone you can't just leave them like that" I said.
"B, you haven't talked to him for 3 months dawg, you never tried to reach out to him" Shon said putting his arms in his coat.
"Shon I was upset man. I needed time to think" I said.
"3 months! Who in the hell needs 3 months to think" Shon said making me feel worse.
"Krush had me doing small projects and shit" I said grabbing my coat getting ready to go to my Grandma's house for Christmas.
"Whatever man, I told you to leave that shit alone or it's going to cost you" Shon said walking out my room.
"Shon shut the hell up!" I said getting tired of hearing his mouth. Though he was my best friend sometimes I got tired of him and his know-it-all attitude.
"Don't bark at me" Shon said from the bottom of the stairs, "you pushed shorty away."
"I don't feel like talking about this shit no more" I said grabbing my car keys from the table.
"All right man, I'll catch you later, I'm about to go holla at my gurl right quick" Shon said dapping me up and walking out the front door. I walked behind him and got into my car as he got into his. I turned my music up blaring it, trying to silence my conscience as it made me feel worse than Shon just did.
I drove on the highway towards my Grandparents' house, my mom and Corey left earlier this morning to go over there to spend Christmas. I saw the exit that said Pickett Way and I wanted to turn off but decided not to. I looked in my backseat at the gifts I had for Jayse: a teddy bear, a book of poems, a locket with a matching bracelet, and an IPOD with jazz songs already downloaded. Each of the gifts in their own little box, but Jayse would never see them.
His family was over there and I know the sight of me right now would ruin their Christmas. I just wanted to see him and give him the gifts. I wanted to see that smile again and hug him one more time. 3 months may seem short but everyday at school, that I saw Jayse and Quentin together, made my blood boil. How the fuck can he move in on Jayse like that? And how can Jayse just forget about me so quick?
A part of me knew that he was just playing hard to get. There's no way he could forget about me and move on so fast. That's why I went to his house Christmas Eve. When I saw Quentin over there already and kissing Jayse, it took everything in me, to not get out my car and hurt him. If Krush never called me over there that day, I would have never seen the display.
I had to let him know what was up. Writing the note was kind of wimpy but I had to let him know that play time was over and I would get Jayse back one way or another. I took the exit to get off at my Grandma's house and drove until I saw all the cars in her yard.
Maybe time with family would brighten my day up as I felt so much hate and hurt forming inside of it. I got out the car with gifts for my mom, Corey, and my Grandma as my little cousins came rushing out the front door to greet me.
"Brandon, Brandon, you're finally here" they said running towards me.
"Merry Christmas guys, what's up?" I said still holding onto the gifts as they hugged me. I hated that I was sagging because as they hugged me, my pants was steady falling down. That cold air hit my butt and almost made me drop the gifts.
"Are those presents?" they asked me as I walked slow on the steps trying not to fall from the ice melted on them. It was snow all around, reaching up to 3 inches over night. The weatherman was expecting more, which I doubt living in the South, but lately a lot of strange things have been happening.
"Yea they're for my mom and Corey" I said smiling at them, "why are you guys outside with no coats on?"
"I know better than that. Get y'all behinds in the house before you catch a cold" my aunt Gladys said from the porch.
"But we just wanted to see Brandon" they said pouting.
"Y'all can wait until he gets inside. You know better than that. Ain't nobody got time to take y'all bad tails to the hospital on Christmas" Aunt Gladys said as I hid my smile.
"Merry Christmas Aunt Gladys" I said walking up to her to give her a kiss on the cheek.
"Merry Christmas baby, why are you getting over here so late? You must have been out all night?" Aunt Gladys asked me smiling which was true. Cam, Polo, Shon and I were clubbin' all night long. We must have took shots all night. We all crashed at my house knowing that my mom would be spending Christmas Eve with the family but Cam and Polo must have left early.
"I knew it. I may be old but I was young one time too" Aunt Gladys said. She was my mom's oldest sister. My mom had two sisters, Aunt Gladys and Aunt Faith. They had an older brother, my uncle that owned the studio, Uncle Phillip, who we all called Philly. Uncle Philly was Polo's dad. Aunt Gladys was Cam's mom and of course Aunt Faith was Dontae's mom. My mom was the baby having me while she was in high school.
"About time you got yo ugly butt over here" my cousin Cynthia, Cam's sister, who we all called Cyn, said to me, walking over and giving me a hug. She was the first one to go off to college. She was studying to be a Judge. It would work in handy with our bad ass cousin Dontae.
"You know me, I'm always late for the party" I said placing the presents down on the floor by the tree to hug her.
"Yea, yea, yea" Cyn said hugging me and then flicking me in the ear.
"Ow girl that hurt" I said playfully grabbing my right ear.
"Please a tall boy like you can take anything" my cousin, Melanie, Dontae's oldest sister, who was also in college, art school, said to me hugging me next.
"Pain is pain" I said turnin' around to hug her next, "you look good cuz, how's New York?"
"It's ok. I miss the Grove though. A lot has changed since I was home last Christmas" Mel stated.
"That's because you all just come down for Christmas. You know we celebrate every holiday in this family" my grandma Agnes said walking over to us.
"Merry Christmas grandma" I said hugging her tight.
"Oooh my baby is here" grandma Aggie said squeezing me. She practically raised me while my mom was in school. Then my mom got her own place and we moved out.
"What took you so long to get here?" She asked hitting me on my back.
"Ow grandma, we had a long night" I stated.
"Who is this we?" grandma Aggie asked.
"Me, Cam and Polo" I said.
"Well they already here" grandma said as I turned around to see them coming from around the corner talking as everyone started laughing at me.
"Why didn't you guys wake me up?" I asked Cam and Polo.
"Because you were upstairs sleeping" Cam said putting a slice of cake in his mouth.
"I know Cam is not already eating and we haven't said grace yet" grandma said running over to hit Cam.
"Chill grandma I'm a big boy" Cam said.
"So that don't mean anything, Lisa your baby is here!" my grandma shouted.
"About time" my mom said walking in from the kitchen.
"Ma it's only 10:00 we don't eat until 12" I stated.
"Quit talking to yo mama like that and pull yo pants up" my grandma said smacking me on the back of my head. Everyone was still laughing at me as I pulled my pants up.
"Where's granddaddy Charles at?" I asked trying to avoid the scene of humilitation.
"In the living room with your uncles" my grandma said behind me, "don't you have something to say to your momma."
"Merry Christmas ma" I said bending down to kiss her.
"Merry Christmas baby" my mom said.
"Where's Corey?" I asked.
"Upstairs playing with the rest of the rugrats" my mom said laughing.
"Ok can I go watch TV now?" I asked my grandma.
"Go ahead and did you hear from your cousin Dontae yet?" my grandma asked spoiling the mood.
"Naw I haven't" I said.
"Faith where is that son of yours" my grandma asked walking into the kitchen. I didn't hear the rest of the conversation as I walked into the living room to talk with my granddad, my uncle Philly and my uncle Hester (aunt Gladys' husband).
"That boy is shaping up just like his dad" my uncle Philly said.
"Who you old men talking about?" I asked as they all started laughing and getting up to hug me.
"We were talking about your cousin Dantae" grandpa Charles said grabbing his cane.
"I don't feel like talking `bout him right now" I said hugging them, "where the beers at?" I asked as Cam and Polo started laughing and my uncles gave me a look.
"You joking right?" Uncle Hester asked taking a swig of his beer.
"These youngins' today know more than you do, I swear" my grandpa stated.
"I was just playin'" I said relaxin on the old couch.
"Sure you was nephew" uncle Philly said, "I come to the studio sometimes and these boys have beer bottles all over the place. I done told y'all about the shit."
"Unc that don't be our stuff" I defended looking back at Cam and Polo for help.
"Yea dad it's some other kats stuff that be comin over" Polo said.
"Lie to me all you want, don't think I don't know what goes on in my studio" Uncle Philly said as Cam, Polo and I got nervous that some of our antics were already known by uncle Philly.
"How's the business going Philly?" Uncle Hester asked.
"Good, got two new artists that I'm signing and this one right here, if he would stay with it" uncle Philly said patting my back.
"C'mon Unc I be busy" I stated watching the game.
"Doing what?" uncle Philly asked, "see he's got talent Hester, he's just lazy."
"I'm not lazy" I said upset.
"Then why can't you commit to doing this thing?" Uncle Philly asked me, "you'll give your all in one session then play around on the next." I rolled my eyes not wanting to hear all of this bullshit on Christmas.
"You should hear him Hester" Uncle Philly bragged.
"You got a CD or something right now?" Uncle Hester asked.
"No but I got some at the house I could let you hear before you guys leave" Uncle Philly said as Uncle Hester said ok.
"I got some in my car" Polo said.
"Go run and get them right quick" Uncle Polo said getting up to walk over to the stereo. Polo ran out to his car and came back with the CD in his hand as I looked at all of them smiling. They started playing it and even my granddad got up and joined us, though I know that he didn't like rap music. Hell he didn't even like the fact that I was gay but it didn't stop him from loving me and treating me any differently from any of my other cousins.
They didn't like talking about it though, but they still tried to be civil and keep their opinions to themselves. By "they" I'm referring to the whole family. My mom didn't let that stop her from loving me, which is why I love her and my grandma the most. They were the ones that made me come out the closet more than anyone. Once I opened up to everyone last year, they sort of just looked at me surprised but still treat me the same. That was back when I was dating Kris, now things are different since he's dating Dontae, or whatever it was they were doing.
Soon the whole family came downstairs listening to my album, even my aunts and grandma in the kitchen. I felt good seeing their smiles on their faces and my younger cousins bopping their heads to the beat. They were asking each other if that was me and turnin' around smiling at me as I smiled back. My grandmother put her hand on my shoulder and smiled as I did the same with everyone gathered around the stereo. This was short lived as Dontae entered the house with Kris.
"What's up family?" Donate said interrupting the nice moment.
"Where have you been?" Aunt Faith asked walking over to Dontae as he took off his coat and shaked the remaining snowflakes off of him.
"Ma I told you I was going to be late don't start" Dontae said grabbing Kris' hand and walking over to the crowd.
"Dontae don't talk to your mother like that" Uncle Philly said getting up.
"Chill Unc, it's Christmas why is everybody so tense" Dontae said walking towards us, "what are you guys listening to?"
"We're listening to cousin Brandon's CD" one of my little cousins said.
"You are" Dontae said faking a child's voice, "sounds like garbage to me."
"Dontae, please" Aunt Faith said behind him as Kris stood there smiling. I raised up prepared to defend myself as Cam and Polo sat me back down.
"Look Dontae it's Christmas man, chill out with all those negative vibes" Polo said.
"I can do whatever I want. I've been gone for years now and no one even sent a postcard or visted me besides mom" Dontae said.
"I wonder why" Cyn said sarcastically.
"Whoa don't go there Cyn" Dontae said, "little miss college."
"Are you serious? Is that the best you can do?" Cyn stated.
"Look everyone just relax. I am not going through this on Christmas. This family has went through enough, after turnin' into the most hated people in the Grove" Aunt Gladys said frustrated.
"And whose fault is that Aunt Gldays?" Dontae asked, "huh, mine or your sister?"
"All of us Dontae" Aunt Gladys said, "we all have a part in the way you turned out."
"Me especially" Grandma said.
"Mama it's not your fault" my mom said.
"Yes it is!" my Grandma shouted, "I gave all my grandbabies love and affection, Dontae especially. I think I gave you too much affection and then as you got older and your aunt Lisa was in school and I had to take care of Brandon more, out of all the grandkids you seemed to take it to heart more. You were always jealous of Brandon even as a child you never wanted to share your stuff with him."
I looked over at Dontae as he looked down embarrassed. I wanted to punch both him and Kris but Cam and Polo were still holding me down knowing how bad I wanted to hurt them.
"You just turned into this hateful child, always playing with fire" my grandma continued, "almost destroying everything this family ever had by burning down this house. Lucky you didn't destroy it too bad but you went further, burning down businesses downtown and even trying to steal cars. Dontae I can't take it! If this is how you want to live your life you do it, but you're not ruining the Wallace family name and you're not dragging us down the road you're going. You either change your ways or leave this family."
Everyone looked over at my Grandma as she and my aunt Faith had tears in their eyes. Soon everyone started crying but the men. My Uncle Philly looked like he wanted to hurt Dontae just as much as I did. My granddad looked like he was ready to get the shot gun and go straight up gangster on him.
"So this is the way that everyone feels right now?" Dontae asked looking at us as we all looked at him giving our answer.
"Son just change your ways. You've been in juvie for years now. It's Christmas! Cheer up and enjoy it with the family" Aunt Faith said touching Dontae's shoulder as Dontae shrugged her hand off.
"Don't touch me" Dontae said turnin' around to face her.
"Dontae!" Aunt Gladys and my mom shouted together.
"Cuz chill back fo' real" Polo said still holding me down as I shook my head upset.
"Why don't everybody get off my fuckin' back" Dontae said walking over to the other side of us.
"You better watch yo mouth boy" Uncle Hester said pointing at Dontae.
"Or what? Ain't nobody gonna do nothin' to me" Dontae said looking around at all of us and stopping at me. "How `bout you cuz, you still upset with me?" Dontae said walking over to me.
"Hey Dontae chill man" Cam said stepping in front of me.
"What's wrong? Scared I'm going to do something?" Dontae said still walking over to me.
"Dontae stop!" Aunt Faith screamed with tears in her eyes.
"Ma I'm not doing anything" Dontae said turnin' around to face her.
"Why are you here?" Cynthia asked with her arms folded.
"Because I'm fam Cynthia" Dontae said looking over at her.
"Look everybody just calm down. Dontae you and Kris have a seat. Faith you come and sit next to Lisa and Gladys, Mom and Pop you guys sit over there and let's just enjoy the rest of the holiday" Uncle Philly said as everyone moved except for Dontae who was still mugging me as I did the same to him.
"Dontae! Come and sit down like your uncle said, son" Aunt Faith said still crying as my mom consoled her.
"Look at what you are doing to your moms, D" Cam said upset.
"Yo..." Dontae said looking over to Cam about to say something.
"Cam relax, Dontae come on son it's Christmas" Uncle Philly said.
Dontae looked over at me and stared for a minute, then started moving over to sit down as Kris followed him. I cracked my knuckles with knots still in my forehead, ready to attack at the first call.
"Now everybody just relax. We are going to enjoy this day even if it kills us" Uncle Philly said tired of the tension in the room.
We sat in quiet for a minute with my cd still playing until Polo walked over at shut it off. I twiddled my thumbs trying to avoid eye contact with Dontae and Kris. Kris just sat near Dontae, holding his hand, just disgusting me to the full degree.
Kris was the nastiest human being that I ever met. Jumping from guy to guy like it was cute when in all honesty it was disgusting. When I grew tired of everything I got up and grabbed my coat.
"Brandon, where are you going?" my mom asked me.
"I can't stay here" I said putting my hands through my sleeves.
"Dontae please son stay" my grandma said walking over behind me. I kissed her and wished her a Merry Christmas as I walked out the door.
Everyone was still calling after me but there was no way I was going to stay there and endure all of this on Christmas. I got in my car and sped out the driveway knowing that only one person could make me feel better right now. It was dark out and still snowing but I didn't care. I had to leave.
I drove for about 20 minutes in silence as my music blared in the background. I pulled up in front of his house and saw the lights were on and knew that his whole family was inside.
I didn't want to ruin his Christmas but I had to talk to him. Talking to him always calmed me down, even though he never knew it. I grabbed my phone and dialed his cell number.
"Hello?" Jayse answered sounding agitated. I assumed that he saw my number and didn't want to speak to me but decided to anyway.
"Hi Jayse" I said sounding sincere looking through my car window towards the family room.
"Hi" Jayse said quickly.
"Are you busy?" I asked hoping and praying he wasn't.
"A little" Jayse stated as I heard some of his family members talking.
"Can you come out and talk?" I asked as Jayse sighed heavily.
"Brandon..." Jayse whined not wanting to have a fight. We haven't spoken to each other for 3 months other than small head nods in the hall at school and at football games. I missed him so much. I tried to talk to some other dudes from school but I found myself comparing Jayse to them and it was getting nowhere.
"Please Jayse" I begged, "I'm not going to start anything I swear."
"Brandon I don't feel like arguing tonight" Jayse stated.
"I know and, and I didn't come over here to start anything" I stated.
"Then why did you come over?" Jayse asked softly. It sounded like he was walking away from the noise his family members were making because it got quiet.
"To see you" I said with a lot of bass in my tone. I wanted to sound masculine and sincere at the same time.
"Please Jayse...it's Christmas" I stated whining after a long pause came between us.
"Are you outside?" Jayse asked as I smiled knowing that he was about to come.
"Yea, I'm right in front of your house" I said unbuckling my seatbelt and getting out the car.
Jayse sighed and said, "Ok I'm on my way outside."
"Ok, thanks for doin' this Jayse" I said grabbing his gifts.
I got out my car and walked through the snow towards his front door. Jayse came outside wearing a black suede coat and a blue scarf wrapped around his neck. God he looked incredible.
I walked towards him blushing as he faked a smile. I hated the way we have been acting towards each other lately but tonight it was going to change.
"Hi Jayse...you look beautiful" I said standing in front of him.
"Hi and thank you. You look good too" Jayse said looking me up and down. We both stared at each other awkwardly until I gave him his present.
"Merry Christmas" I said giving him the gift.
"Merry Christmas to you too, but you didn't have to give me anything" Jayse said not taking the gift.
"I know but I want to" I said with the gift still in my hands, "here it's yours."
"Um...thanks. I feel bad now because I don't have anything for you" Jayse said.
"Seeing you smile is all I need" I said as Jayse blushed, "Perfect!"
"I wish I could invite you inside out the snow but... you know" Jayse said referring to his family.
"I know, it's ok" I said disappointed with the impression that I made on his family.
"Why now Brandon? Three months ago you never wanted to speak to me again?" Jayse asked as I looked down embarrassed.
"Because Jayse I was hurt. I still am. I just want to be with you again" I said.
"Brandon...I can't do that" Jayse said.
"Why because of Q?" I asked upset.
"I don't have to explain myself to you" Jayse said upset.
"Is that it?" I asked.
"What do you mean `is that it'?" Jayse asked.
"He means if we're doing something more" Quentin said walking over to us from the shadows on the far corner of Jayse's yard.
"Quentin how long have you been over there?" Jayse asked.
"I just got here" Q said, "I told you I would be back later tonight."
"I know but I just figured that you got busy because it's been awhile" Jayse said.
"Naw my dad didn't want me to leave" Q said mugging me, "Merry Christmas Brandon."
I looked at Q as he extended his hand out to me for me to shake but I wasn't feelin' it. I know that he was trying to scam on Jayse but Jayse wouldn't believe me if I told him.
"You're not going to shake my hand?" Q asked me.
"Hell naw" I said.
"Brandon keep your voice down" Jayse said, "I thought you said that you weren't coming over here to start anything."
"I'm not Jayse, I promise" I begged.
"Then why won't you shake Quentin's hand?" Jayse asked me.
"Because..." I said stopping myself not wanting to hurt Jayse.
"Because what?" Jayse asked as I looked at his innocent face. I had to choose whether to play nice with Quentin to get Jayse back or start a mean vendetta and lose him forever.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm trippin'. Merry Christmas Q" I said shaking his hand as I looked over and saw Jayse smile.
"What's this?" Q asked Jayse referring to the gift he was holding.
"Brandon gave this to me for Christmas" Jayse said smiling as I smiled as well.
"Are you going to open it?" Q asked Jayse.
"No!" I shouted as Q and Jayse looked at me, "I mean wait until later."
"Ok" Jayse said smiling.
"It's cold out here" Q said as I bit my tongue knowing what he was trying to pull.
"Yea it is staring to get colder" Jayse said.
As if knowing my cue, I said, "hey Jayse why don't you go inside, I'll talk to you later."
"No why don't you come inside too" Jayse said.
"C'mon Jayse you know better than that" I said laughing nervously.
"It's ok, my family will just have to relax" Jayse said as I glanced over at Q who started to look nervous.
"Naw Jayse it's Christmas. You and Q go have fun and we'll get up sometime" I said about to turn around.
"But I don't want you to go" Jayse said as I looked over at him and then at Q who started to sweat, "I mean it's Christmas."
"As much as I want to stay Jayse, I can't. Go spend it with your fam, I'll be ok" I said walking over to him, "can I have a hug before I go?"
Jayse walked over to me and hugged me tight as I squeezed him back. I wish I could be inside with him but I know the minute his dad and brothers see me, WWIII will commence.
I backed away as Jayse clung to my shirt not realizing what I was doing, or maybe he did. I grabbed his arms as I tore them from my shirt and look into his longing eyes and knew what and who he really wanted. I looked over at Q, knowing that he would never have Jayse because Jayse just showed him who he really wanted.
I waited outside as Q and Jayse walked in and I stood outside in the freezing cold. As Jayse closed the door he smiled softly as I did the same. I stared at the door a couple of minutes and then turned around walking away. This was the worst Christmas of my life. I just wanted to drink my life away and forget all about it. Just as I was getting in my car, Krush texted me telling me I had a new assignment.
Oh yeah, a month ago I got promoted to be Krush's right hand man, also known as his hitman. I hated the job but after Jayse I felt like I had nothing else to live for. I started killing people who owed Krush money and had no way of paying him back or just his enemies in general. It wasn't me at all, I wasn't a killer but the job paid good money. Every person I killed a part of me died inside, but the one part that remained alive was the part that cared for Jayse.
I looked at his house knowing that this secret would ultimately kill him but I wanted him to know what was going on with me these last couple of months before Q popped up. I know Jayse hated secrets but if he found out about this, this would really send him in Q's arms forever.
I turned the ignition and was about to drive away when Jayse came running out the door towards my car. I got out and met him as he hugged me again.
"You really don't want me to go do you?" I asked smiling as Jayse hugged me tighter.
"No one should be alone on Christmas Brandon, please come inside" Jayse begged.
"But what about Q" I asked.
"Brandon I don't want you to be alone" Jayse said as his voice broke. I looked at him and saw how much he wanted me to go inside but I couldn't do that to him. I just left one dysfunctional family, I couldn't go and create another one.
"Jayse go be with your family" I said pushing him away.
"No not without you" Jayse said moving back over to me.
I sighed heavy and replied, "Jayse I just can't. Please go inside."
"Please come inside" Jayse said as I smiled at how difficult he was being.
"I can't Jayse, you've moved on" I said as Jayse put his head down. I reached up and stroked his chin as I looked into his eyes.
"I'm right aren't I?" I asked Jayse as a tear fell out his eyes.
I bit my bottom lip trying to not get upset but I was the one that caused the rift.
"I'm not going to give up on you" I said as Jayse started crying. I wiped his tears as I saw the front door open and Q walked outside. I turned around and got in my car, turnin' my ignition and driving away. I looked in my rear view mirrors as Q came and consoled Jayse trying to walk him back inside but Jayse wouldn't budge. At that moment I knew that Jayse wanted me back just as much as I wanted him regardless of what him and Q were doing.
Please feel free to email comments and suggestions at jaypoet929@yahoo.com. Special thanks to all the fans so far. Thank You for reading my story. Peace and Love.