"Just a chair, please." Uh... These voices again. This time I opened my eyes more quickly, and there wasn't that horrible paniful light burning my eyes there either. It was dark. "Hi... Aiden." the same boy who was here earlier said. He turned on a small light. He seemed sad. "Why are you sad?" I asked him, which made him shoot a look at me. He just shook his head, but I could feel he was choking back the tears. "Who are you?" I figured that was a little harsh the second I said it, but I couldn't help it. Before I knew it, he started sobbing. "I am sorry, I don't remember." I tried, but it didn't help much. He lowered his head and waved his hand in front of his face. "No..." he mumbled and wiped the tears away. "It's fine, really." "Did you kiss me?" He looked up at me and gasped, covering his mouth with one hand. I didn't understand anything... "You... You kissed me once." he said quietly "I though..." I kissed him? Why would I kiss him? This wasn't right... "But you're a boy." I stated, getting upset. This was a mistake. "Y-Yeah, I am." he whispered. "Colin." He looked up. Colin... I know...
"Are you alright?"... "He turned you into a fag, didn't he?"... "Oh, you like The Clash."... "Aiden, your hand!"...
"Yes, yes, it's me, Colin." he said excitedly. "I'm a..." Uh, my head... "I'm a fag?" I frowned. He backed away a little. His mouth opened slightly. "I... I think you're gay, yes." he carefully added. But... How was I gay? I don't...
"I like you Colin." "...kiss you."
My eyes went wide open. "I remember." I blurted, my mind racing hundred miles an hour. "I remember now. I remember you, Colin." I said, smiling like an idiot. "Did I tell you I love you?" I asked him. He shook his head slightly, looking at me carefully. "Well, I do. I love you Colin." I said and got closer to hug him. He jumped back a little, but then smiled and hugged me tight.
"Fat ass." "I need to go to the bathroom..." "Aiden, are you in there?"
I shrugged. "What's wrong?" Colin asked. "I..." a tear ran across my face, as I continued to stare at the wall behind him. "Did I..." I choked on the word I was trying to say and the thought itself scared me to death. "Did I have bulimia?" I asked. I knew the answer. I couldn't remember anything that would make any sense at all, just little parts, just flash-backs... But I knew, for a fact, that I loved Colin and that I... I was sick. I was very sick. I tried remembering something else, but I couldn't. He nodded slowly. "The doctor said so..." he stated. I looked at my hand and saw it was shaking. My hand was so skinny. I touched my face, and my legs, my body... It was all bones... I was very skinny. "Oh my god..." I whispered to myself, but I'm sure he heard it too.
Not only was I gay, I could live with that, I had a damn eating disorder... How would such a pretty guy like him like me? I felt sick just looking at my body. It was gross.
I was seriously getting tired of thinking by now. I've been thinking about being a homosexual and it seems to fit just fine, but I just don't see how I would ever be anorexic or bulimic? I really couldn't see myself as a kid with an eating disorder. But so far these were the only two things I knew about me besides my name and age. "Oh, Aiden..." and I wasnt alone in the room anymore when a pretty looking girl walked in. She had avarege brown hair, but they looked great on her, plus I couldn't imagine a girl with a more perfect face. She was a real cutie. If I was straight she'd be mine by now... Or not. "Sorry, I don't-" I tried to explain, but obviously she has already been told. "I know. I'm Kelly, your sister." WELL, that was different... I was expecting a fake girlfriend or best friend... No one told me I had a sister. "Oh, yeah, hello." I smiled politely, trying to make it a little less awkward and offered her my hand. I mean, it's kind of weird meeting your sister. A strange funny look replaced the sad eyes and she started to giggle a little. I raised my eyebrow and looked at my hand. There wasn't anything wrong with my hand... And I'm pretty sure I wasn't hard or dirty. "What's up with THAT!" she laughed her ass off while I just hopelessly stared at her. "You being all nice a shit?" she said calming down and giving me a more serious look, but burst out laughing the next second. I smiled weakly. "I uh..." "You don't remember anything huh?" I mouthed a no. "You never liked me. Hate would be the word actually. But then again, you never liked anyone. You're the meanest, most selfish ass I've ever known." Wow. This was... new. She told me more about me and it was like listening about some maniacs biography. "But I'm sure you had your reasons." she laughed after she was finished telling me a story about how I nearly choked a guy to death. Yeah, I better did... "Isn't being bulimic and gay enough?" I forced a smile but that didn't work. "Gay?" she said with a shocked expression. I'll take that as a 'they don't know'... "I mean..." I mumbled. Uh! "So Colin's your little boyfriend." I wasn't looking at her, but I could hear her voice... "That's way cute." What? I looked up to meet her happy face, smiling widely.
"You mean you're okay with it?" I asked her. She sounded like kind of a bitch earlier when she talked about us, mostly me that is, but now I got the feeling I was the one who treated her wrong... "Good guess Sherlock. Have you kissed him yet?" she asked all excited and looked at me with big eyes. "Is the pope catholic?" I joked which caused her to gasp and start asking me a whole bunch of questions. She even said she would give me condoms if I needed any. I don't know what scared me the most ^" the thought of her giving me condoms, me using them with Colin or her thinking about it. We had a talk about how I should be careful to not be seen in public until I'm ready to come out, about what Colin's like, she helped me remember some other things too... My memory was slowly coming back now. All in all, I figured Kelly was an awesome sister.
I woke up in sweat and tears that night, alone in an empty hospital room. I felt cold. I had another horrible dream, but I've learned by now that these weren't dreams, it was my life. It all happend back before I ended up here. I remembered my best friend, Ashlee. Funny, though, how I couldn't remember a thing about her yesterday, but now I know every little detail. Through the whole dream, we were best friends, having a great time, but it felt weird, like something was just wrong. And I know why, I knew it when I woke up. I remembered what happend. And it hurt me. It hurt me a lot.
I woke up the next morning, seeing my mum next to my bed. "Hi mum." I said quietly. "Oh, sweetie, you're awake." she said, putting down the magazine and pushing her chair closer to me. It was all so awkward, atleast for her, I could see that. She didn't know how to react or what to say. "You can hug me if you want." I said, as I sat up againt the cold wall. I was speaking carefully and quitely, which all together made me sound like an innocent little boy who was trying to apologize for stealing the cookie. Her jaw dropped slightly and she looked at me with her tired old eyes. I felt sorry for her. I really did. I knew I've been horrible to her. She rised her hands carefully. Everything was happening like in slow-motion, but then grabbed me and pulled me into her warm embrace. We sat there hugging each other for atleast ten minuts, but it didn't feel that long. I could do it for hours. I had to show her I loved her, now and all the years I didn't tell her. "I'm hungry." I whispered and she backed away. "How's strawberry pie?" she said with a smile and stood up. I hoped she wouldn't start freaking out about it or talk about the bulimia issue... And she didn't. She knew me, she loved me, and I love her. "Sounds nice." I added and gave her a warm smile.
"Excuse me, nurse?" "What?" she said annoyed, picking up the books she dropped. "Sorry, I forgot where the toilet is." I said, not really caring to apologize too nicely. They pay here to do this, so it's her problem. "Down the hall, on the left." she pointed and rolled her eyes, then walked away full speed. "No need to freak..." I mumbled to myself as I slowly stood up and put on a pair of some gay slippers with advertising signs. "I fought the law and-" I quietly sang as I walked through the hospital room door and looked up. There were sick people everywhere, doctors and nurses running around. "-the law won." I continuded, looking back at the floor and the brainwashing slippers. "Where are you going Aiden?" my mum came running behind me, grabbing me gently by the arm. I pointed at the toilet which was right next to me. "Oh. Well... I just-" There was an awkward silence going on there. She thought I was going to throw up the pie. I started to giggle. "Mum, I'm fine, I just gotta take a piss." She paused for a few seconds then smiled and pet my head. "Well, Colin is waiting for you, just so you know." she said cheekly and walked away. I entered and hurried up as quickly as possible. I felt kind of dizzy, but that was because of all the lying... I was done. Never knew I could piss so fast. I made my way through the sick people crowd into my room and there he was. My little Colin. "Hey there girlfriend." I smiled and ran over to him, grabbing him, sqeezing him tightly into my embrace and gave him a small kiss on his cheek. "Aiden-" "Shut your mouth." I said quietly and gave him another kiss on the lips. I kissed him again and again and went in for a huge, passionate kiss. "Wow, what do they feed you here?" he said with an amazed expression on his face, then smiled. I smiled too. "Probably viagra." I said cheekly and stroke his hair. It was all puffy and lively, and it smelled really nice. "Do your parents know about you?" I suddenly asked and he looked at me shocked. Woops, touchy issue? "I-I guess." he said slowly and pushed me off of his lap. He stood up and went through his pretty hair with his pretty hand. "So yes or no?" I asked him, obviously not getting the hint, him not wanting to talk about it." "Y-Yes." he said sadly. I nodded. Okay, now I got it. Shut up Aiden! "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" What's wrong with me? Clearly he doesn't want me asking him personal questions. He nodded. I gave him a qestionable look. "Five." he said quietly, hoping I wouldn't hear it. But I did, and my big mouth wouldn't shut up either. "Wow! Five! That's alot!" I exclaimed. He nodded again and opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. While he was trying to force a few words out, I was forcing them back down. I was willing to cut my mouth if that'd make me to shut up right then. "Gotta go." he said after a few minuts of silance, cept for the screams coming from the hall. "Already?" I said sadly and he just swallowed hard, nodding. "B...B-" "Bye?" I helped him. "Yeah, that." he turned around and went almost running out of the hospital. Um... Okay.
Oh yayness. I get to go home tomorrow, and I can go to school whenever I feel like it. Can't wait. Seriously, spending more than one day in here makes you see how much you love your boring old life. If you remember any of it. Speaking of which ^" I remember pretty much everything now. However I've decided to change, and from now on... I'll be a new person. I got everything settled in my head, and it seems to work just fine, there's just one thing bothering me and it's friends. I have no friends. And what am I going to do about Ashlee? I don't want it to end up like that. I know she's not a bad person. She wouldn't leave me for such a thing... Would she?
"Good morning." I greeted the bus driver. He looked up at me with his sleepy eyes, but didn't reply. "Oookay..." I mumbled and sat down. The bus smelled like a public bathroom and a fish shop together. On the outside, it looked like a graffiti wall. "Hi there." a guy smiled, sitting down next to me. This was going to be awkward... I thought I remembered everything. "I uh... Hi." "How are you?" "Okay...I suppose." I sounded confused, and I was too. "Hey, tell you what, I'll give you TWO dollars if you suck my cock ^" BUT you have to swallow." he burst laughing and so did his obviously friends at the back of the bus. I just stared at him like a retard, still not really getting it. "Dumb fag." he mumbled, and quickly moved away from me, then got up and walked away, still laughing. "Excuse me?" I stoop up. This guy wasn't going to get away that easy... "I didn't hear you, what did you call me?" I asked, taking a step forward. "Oh, don't worry, I'll repeat it for you. FAG." "Do you have any idea what fag means?" I laughed. "It means being a fucking cocksucking freak, just like you." he said as he stood up, pointing out the fact that he was a few feet taller than me. "Actually, it means working hard. Get your facts right." I stepped back to sit down, but he grabbed my arm and turned me back to face him. "Listen you little fairy skeleton, don't be a smart ass or you'll regret it." I was about to say something back, but the bus stopped by now and the driver was yelling for us to get down, something about him not being payed enough and his wife taking his money. I got off the bus and ignored all the looks people were giving me. Every once in a while there was the F word or the H word, or the Q word. Pretty much every little dirty name they could find. "Colin!" I exclaimed and ran down the hall with everyone looking at me. He saw me and as I was waiting for a happy look to replace the suprised one, I was fairly dissapointed.
Instead, he looked down and began walking away. "Colin?" I yelled again and made my way through the crowd. What was this all about? I finally reached him and pulled him to me. "What-" "Leave me alone, please." he whined and shrugged my hand off. "Colin, what's wrong?" I asked, taking a hold of his arm again. "Just... We can't talk alright... Stay away from me!" he screamed and slapped my hand away, running away from me. What the fuck? I couldn't believe this. Now that everyone knows I'm gay, he's ignoring me? They already know about him, so what's the big deal? I honestly didn't give a flying shit what the thought... Why did he?
Choughing. Whispering. Pointing. Laughing. Staring.
It wouldn't stop, not for a second. I just needed a moment to rest, for everyone else to mind their own bussiness. But they wouldn't do that, not even try. What hurt me the most is that the person I am going through all this for is ignoring me. Regardless all of this, I had this amazing feeling everything was going to be alright. I was like the main character in a movie with a happy ending. It just felt like a part of this whole thing. Like it would all end and everything would be great. All my problems would dissapear and it would be perfect.
To Be Continued...
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