Disclaimer: I do not know the BSB nor do I claim to know their orientation. The following is a piece of fiction . . . and nothing more. All under 18 are advised not to read since this contains M/M situations.
"Nana!" Nick cried out as he hugged the lady tightly, his voice quivering from joy, relief and some sadness. His eyes were wet as he held onto his Nana for dear life. He was like a little boy that was lost and too afraid that he wouldn't find his way home. "Nana!" Nick cried again.
Nick's Nana, too, had her eyes swollen from tears, and she had cried in earnest. She held Nick in a possessive hug, afraid that if she let him go, he would slip from her arms. She pressed his face to her bosom, her head pressed tightly to his. She weeped unlike anyone I had ever seen.
I now cried in earnest, feeling rather elated by the entire situation. The bonding between Nick and his Nana was overwhelming to watch.
"My poor little baby," Nana called out to Nick. "My little baby! Shhhhhh. It's all over child. They are gone . . . those bastards. They cannot touch you. You've come to another dimension, another period in time. You now have a second chance." Nana gripped Nick's chin firmly and looked into his eyes. "You do not have to suffer under those bastards anymore!"
Nickolas' wet eyes gazed back at his Nana intently. "I'm free!"
"Yes! You're free. You have a new life now. You can start all over." Nana smiled at her child belovedly.
"I can start all over?" Nick asked, confused. He suddenly looked down as if seeing his body for the first time. He took a good look at the gold-laced pants. He let his left hand drift over his right arm, as if noticing for the first time that his body was not bruised nor injured. He shivered from the haunting nature of it all. And then . . . I saw in his eyes the memories of that pale body in the Armaments room.
Nick's face paled. I knew now that he recognized that body in the Armament's room as his own. He gazed down at his body once more to ascertain that what he was seeing was the truth. He hugged his own body with slight desperation. "I'm free," he whispered to himself.
I felt my heart sink at those words. I looked to Kevin and Aj, who had these contented looks on their face, as if they were very touched by the entire situation. But I couldn't feel the same. No! I couldn't accept it. How could it be that this ancient spirit could relive his life in Nick's body? The concept seemed so wrong. True, the Nana had made this ancient Nickolas appear truly noble . . . but what about our Nick, the one who was soft-spoken yet honest, the one who we had grown to love and who loved us so desperately. What about my Nick who was soiled by our race for no reason, who had tried to do everything in his power to protect us? What about his right to own his body?
I felt my heart ache from the fact that this was so unjust, for Nick! My Nick! As touching and heartwrenching as the story of this ancient Heir was, I didn't want to accept it. I didn't want to accept him. With a soft cry, I turned around and ran out of the room. I could not find it in my heart to let my Nick go. But I had no power to fight this. It wasn't as if the ancient Nickolas didn't deserve a second chance. It was just that my Nickolas never had one.
I bursted out of the little building with desperation. I heard footsteps following me, but I tried to ignore them. I thought I was successful when I felt an arm over my shoulder, swiveling me around.
"It is a prophecy we cannot change," Kevin spoke calmly. "Think of it as a second chance for a spirit who probably knew so much more torture than anyone ever had. Think of it as compassion for someone who never received it. He deserves some, don't you think?"
I shoved Kevin's arm from mine. "Don't speak for that stranger. I don't care how much they tortured him thousands of years ago. I don't care whether they raped him until he was numb all over. I don't care whether they chopped him up or mashed him to pieces. I just don't care whether that soul needs compassion at this moment. All I know is that I seem to be the only one left who yearns for the Nick we knew to come back to us."
I felt the tears falling freely now as I continued. "It's not that I'm cold-hearted. It's not that I don't want this ancient spirit to have a second chance. It's just that it should never have been a trade-off."
With that, I ran off into the forest, leaving a silent Kevin behind, stunned. I knew that I had hurt him with my confession. What I didn't know was that within the walls that housed Nana, Nickolas was lying on the dusty bed, pensive and melancholic, wondering what kind of a soul had owned the body prior to him.
It was an unspoken agreement that we would not reveal the stories that were told by Nana to any creature. But who was there in Sangria to talk to? The city was dark and quiet, deserted. I roamed the streets with a heavy heart, my thoughts lingered on only one person. I had avoided 'Nickolas' for as long as I could.
But as I walked towards a run-down restaurant, I saw him sitting inside, with his light blond hair and golden pants illuminating the rest of his features. I could not deny that the body had a new feel to it, the face more regal and elegant. The body was leaner, the muscles more toned. The expression on his face . . . well . . . was more solemn, more haunted whereas the Nick I knew had an expression that was more naive and benevolent.
I turned around to walk away when I heard that voice that I had gotten so used to my entire life. "Brian?" the ancient Nickolas called out to me, his voice hinting of desperation.
I painfully turned to look into his face, afraid. "Yeah?" I replied softly.
Nickolas remained in his seat, not making an attempt to close the gap between us. "I haven't seen much of you lately."
I fought the tears that threatened to escape. "So?" I answered half-heartedly, trying too hard to show an air of indifference.
Nickolas sighed in earnest. I looked at him and noticed a small, sad smile cross his face. He finally looked at me as he stood up tall and slowly idled towards me. His voice was calm yet commanding. He said, "All things lost will soon be found." With that, he left me, half confused, half stunned. Sangria was becoming a very eerie place indeed. Sometimes, I could almost hear the voices of the ancient spirits whispering in my ears their feelings of solitude and despair.
I continued my little stroll down the streets of Sangria, only to unexpectedly end up near Nana's place. There was a small fire that lit tne interiors of the small house. I expected that the others would all be there since Nana's place seemed to be the only one that had any warmth or life to it.
What I didn't expect was the sight of Nickolas reclined in an old wooden chair, his eyes staring with focus at the wall intently, lost in thought. Those eyes were dark and brooding, making me shudder.
"Where are Aj and Kevin?" I murmured.
Nick's eyes remained fixated on the wall as he replied. "Waiting near the gates of Sangria . . . for Howie."
I felt a lump in my throat. I was completely confused. "Howie?"
Nickolas' arms were folded in front of his chest. "Yes. They felt his presence."
Funny. I found it odd and yet again unnerving. How come I did not feel Howie's presence and they did?
Nick finally tore his eyes away from the wall to take a good look at me. "You should, too."
"Me? Why?" I asked dumbly.
"Howie would expect you," Nick answered simply.
"What about you?" I asked timidly. I don't know what happened to my boldness because it dwindled every time I talked to Nickolas.
Nickolas smiled softly, almost reluctantly in my opinion, as if trying to comfort me. His eyes had a distant look to them. "I'll be here, waiting for him."
The Nick I knew would have laughed and ran towards the gates of Sangria. He would have shown more than the brooding he showed now for this unlikely reunion. As if trying to drive the dagger home, I added, "You might have to wait a long time." I didn't know what possessed me to try to hurt him then. I just felt these jolts of unease and anger that just spontaneously occur.
Nickolas gazed at me, as if trying to analyze my statement, for the longest time before he finally responded. "I don't believe so." With that, he stood up, and I saw now a young adult, worn out by betrayal and loneliness, a young man who knew only isolation and rejection. He disappeared quietly behind the curtain, probably retiring to the bed. And then, I felt the pang of guilt coming.
How could it be that I felt bad either way. I felt crummy for hurting and rejecting this ancient soul every chance I get. Yet I would feel just as low if I showed him any signs of acceptance. Why was it that these two situations, which were at opposite ends of the spectrum, made me feel the same shame, the same discomfort, and the same sadness?
I quickly made my exit and headed for the gates of Sangria in search of Kevin and Aj. And I left with a heavy heart. I sometimes wondered whether life was really difficult or whether I was just making it difficult for myself. And then I wondered whether Aj and Kevin had any similar feelings.
When I made it to the gates of Sangria, I saw Kevin and Aj standing there nervously, craning their necks as if that helped any. I approached them, somewhat reserved.
"You guys felt Howie's presence?" I asked Kev and Aj. They whipped their heads around, as if not expecting me.
"Oh, it's you!" Kevin replied.
"Oh geez, thanks," I answered rather nastily.
Aj sighed. "Guys, please. Let's just focus on waiting for Howie."
"So how did you guys know?" I asked.
Kevin sighed. "Actually, we didn't. That was, until Nick pointed it out to us. And then we tuned our senses and indeed felt Howie's presence nearby. Then Nick told us to wait by the gates of Sangria, that Howie would be here anytime."
The mention of Nick's name silenced us as we looked away from each other and focused on the trees and the gates. Sangria actually felt very haunting when it was that silent. It took us a while before we started chatting once again.
"So . . . what do you think happened here?" Aj finally started.
"At first, I thought that the Almans had come and battled it out with our race," Kevin admitted. "But after being here for a while now, I couldn't feel any agony or despair or any traces of strife. It just looks . . . abandoned."
This was the first time we brought up this subject, and the more I thought about it, the more frightened I became. "Why do you think they abandoned this place?" I asked worriedly.
Kevin looked at me in earnest. "To be honest with you, I don't have the foggiest idea of anything. I just know that the more time we spend here, the more eerie it's getting."
"Plus . . . Nick is changing way too fast," Aj said moodily. "The more he talks, the more I'm convinced that all the memories are coming back . . . and the more he's keeping it a secret from us. Notice how he doesn't have these bursts of emotions anymore . . . or how he doesn't tell us about the memories from the past."
I nodded and added, "And notice how he doesn't look at us with the same optimism, the same warm blue eyes. I don't know if it's fear of betrayal or if it's the fact that he's from a world we know nothing about or that we're from a world he knows nothing about . . . but he's keeping everything to himself. I can only vaguely sense his emotions, but I cannot feel anything other vibes from him. I feel like he's withdrawing from us." My eyes felt watery all of a sudden as I said this. "I . . . I don't want to lose him. I . . .we already lost our Nick . . . I don't want to lose whatever's left of him."
Suddenly, Kevin's eyes darkened. "You can't accept it, can you?"
I looked at Kevin, shocked. "What?"
Kevin only shook his head, frustrated. "You can't accept the fact that our Nick is gone, and all you can do is sulk over it."
"Kevin!" Aj said warningly, but it was too late. Kevin had tipped me over.
I shoved Kevin back, my feelings all bruised by now. "Damn right I can't accept it. Do you know how much time has passed since we've left that freaking volcano? Not even two weekS! Our Nick had only been lost for two weeks, and here you are talking about this?"
"We have to accept! There is no other way!" Kevin barked back, cussing madly. And then in a softer voice, he added, "because if we don't accept it now . . . we may in fact lose whatever's left of Nick." Then kevin looked at me pleadingly. "Can't you see it in his eyes . . . in Nickolas' eyes? Can't you see that we're losing him, even as we stand here. Every minute that passes by, he's thinking. Now I don't know what he's thinking about, but I'm positive that it's not about trying to worm his way into our hearts!"
Kevin paused. I was completely stunned into silence. Only Aj let out a little whimper as the frankness behind Kevin's words triggered our deepest fears. My body shivered, but not from the chilly breeze that swept through the gates of Sangria. We stood there staring at each other as we came to an understanding for the first time since this whole trek to Sangria began not even a month ago. My tears truly fell now.
It was so silent that all we could hear was the winds brushing against the buildings and sifting the sand beneath our feet. It was so silent that when we heard a strange, but familiar voice, we all jumped from shock.
"Am I interrupting something?" the voice called from behind us. All three of us turned around to see Howie standing poised and snug. His eyes were nervous, but they did not betray the rest of his body, which remained still and calm.
What I didn't get is how did Howie pass the gates of Sangria without us noticing it because the three of us--me, Kevin and Aj--had pretty much barricaded it with our bodies. So now we gazed at Howie, completely baffled by the fact that he was standing inside the gates of Sangria while we were standing right at the gates themselves.
I turned to look at Kevin who only stared back at me, his mind agreeing with mine. There was something definitely wrong with this picture.
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