Note: This isn't a fictional story. This is the story of my life. I have written a lot of stories for nifty. Ordinary Love, Angel of Mine and Simple Things in the adult-friends and Hidden Desires in NY and If I Let You Go in the College section. I had a great time writing those stories because they were fiction. But even if they were fiction, there was some part that reflected my life. But this story is my own. This is my life. This is what I felt and what I am feeling right now.
********* HeartAche *********
I used to be happy. I used to be complete. I used to be so many things. Until I met him. Until the day that my whole world turned upside down. Until I fell in love.
I never been in love before. I never really wanted to be in love. I heard stories about how good it could be. I heard stories how bad it could be. But I do know one thing about love. It makes you lose control over your thoughts, your actions and your life. Who needs that kind of torment?
But before I knew it, cupid shot his arrow and hit me square in the chest. Boom! All of a sudden, I was in love. I was head over heels in love. I was just like all of those love sick fools who recite poetry all day.
Where do I begin my story? Maybe I should start with Raymond. Raymond was a friend of mine in college. He was cute. Okay, he was very very cute. Nice smile. Cute face. Nice body. But he was a friend. Just a friend. Hell, we're both members of the same organization. I thought about the two of us ending together but I knew deep inside my heart that there was no possibility of us ending together.
I remained friends with him. I remember sharing several classes with him. We would walk around the campus after our class and just talk. We'd share drinks, coffee or snacks. He wasn't interested in me. How could he be? I wasn't what you can call handsome. Some people say I'm cute but I don't really believe them. But I guess what turns off most people was the fact that I was fat.
But I had no illusion about Raymond falling in love with me so I didn't get hurt. All thru-out college, I had had several crushes. Classmates, friends and guys that were having classes before or after my class. None of them broke my heart. I didn't let any of them break my heart.
Then I entered law school. I was okay. I had a hard time with my academics. Law school was hard. But then I met a guy. Let's call him Francis. He was in my computer class. I thought he was really cute. Very cute. But this time, I entertained ideas in my head that we might end up together. So I got my first heart break. But it was nothing major. And to be honest, I was happy that Francis didn't show any interest in me.
I got this stupid idea in my head that if I slimmed down. If I got thinner, he might show interest in me. So I started to exercise, I started to diet. It started because I wanted Francis to notice me. But soon, I started exercising because it made me feel good. And I lost weight. I lost a lot of weight.
But Francis isn't the reason for my present predicament right now. I decided to enroll in a second undergraduate degree. That was where I met him. That was were I met JR.
We are classmates right now. I see him every day. But the funny thing was that I didn't really notice him at first. I enrolled in my present college course only last november. I was busy trying to fit in and in making new friends that I didn't notice him.
But then we got assigned to the same group. We saw a lot of each other. Our group got close. Real close. But I really can't say that JR and I were close. I was even very happy that we got a couple of weeks vacation because of the christmas season.
But then January came and I returned to school. We got assigned to work outside school. I remember that our group bonded really well. We were in a mall when I asked them if they wanted to see a movie. No one wanted to watch a movie with me except for him. Except for JR.
That was the start of my descent to insanity.
************* ToBeContinued *************
Note: I am in love right now. I don't have a single friend that I could share this with. That's why I decided to just write a story about it. Hopefully after I finished this story, I'll know just what to do with my feelings for JR. I know I'm really really scared right now about this feeling and I hate that. I hate it. I hate this feeling. But I don't know how to get rid of this. I don't even know if I could get rid of it.
Any reactions are welcome:
Write to me at:
Sliders21@iname.com