HEART and SOUL BY: Julien
This story is 100% fictional and does not depict the life of any person, place or thing. This story is of a sexual nature and involves sexual activity among males, therefore, read at your own risk. You should be 18+ and it should be legal for you to read this story in your city, state or country. ENJOY!
Since that morning, more than three weeks ago, Shane had yet to get a single complaint about him. He was taking his medication, allowing the orderlies to clean him and sometimes even offering the nurses some of his good humor. "That kid of yours thinks he's a smart one doc. Trying to get my phone number." "You tell him about your husband." "Yes! He said I should give him his number too." At that she began to fall into a fit of giggles. "You better be careful, the kid knows his way around." And even if Shane had never once discussed with him his personal life, a looker like him must have had many girls falling over themselves to get his attention. A guy like that, looking the way he did with a headstrong personality to match, what else could a woman ask for. Breaking out of this illustrious train of thought, Shane excused himself and headed towards his patients' room.
"I'm really proud of you." Came out of his mouth before he was able to stop himself. Those teacher instincts were kicking back in. "For what?" "For the way you've been acting lately. This positive attitude suits you better." The kid chuckled, "You think so?" "Yeah!" "My grandma said the same thing when she was up in here yesterday." "Did she?" "Yeah." "Well she's right. The nurses not to mention the orderlies are happy about the change too." "I guess I was kinda acting like a bitch huh." "Well I wouldn't use those exact words..." "I was huh?" "Yeah you were." He laughed and his whole face lit up. And for that moment in time, he looked like a little boy. "Well I already apologized to the nurses and the orderlies for the way I was acting. It's just not easy knowing that you gonna be a crippled the rest of your life." "We don't know that for sure Anthony." "You don't have to baby me doc. I done seen what a bullet can do. A couple of my homeboys been shot and it's just apart of life that you gotta accept." And this had Shane wondering if this was an admission by his patient to being a gangster. "You have a lot of friends that have been paralyzed?" "Yeah. The one's that still be living." "This doesn't have to be the end of the road for you. There are a lot of new treatments out there now. Things that can improve your chances of walking again by forty to seventy percent." "Well I don't got that kinda cash lying around." Shane had been a doctor long enough to know that the kind of attitude that Anthony was putting out could only lead to negative results. "Your record indicates that you have insurance and..." "And you think that shit is gonna cover all my bills? Why you always trying to help me doc? I don't give a fuck, don't you get that. Life goes on." Shane looked at him long and hard before responding. This kid's attitude was getting on his last nerve. "What's with you huh? You sit up in here and talk, talk, talk. What! You think you're the only one with problems?" "I ain't say that. Why you want to be all up on me!" "Because you need a reality check. This goddamn negative attitude of yours is not going to do you any good. Now answer me this question, you ever want to walk again?" "What?" "You ever want to walk again?" His features softened a bit, "Yeah!" "Well the first thing you have to do is stay positive. Don't worry about the money ok, you just need to concentrate on keeping that attitude positive." And before he could protest, Shane left the room.
TWO MONTHS LATER
For the first time in a long time, Shane felt like taking a break. He yearned to just take off his white lab coat and put on a pair of Dockers. He had made a few calls and was thinking that in another two weeks or so he would take a trip to Cancun or better yet Mexico. Simon was all for the plan and even offered Shane the opportunity to use his earlier vacation days. "You want it, you got it. Sheila has to work and the kids are in school so I won't be doing anything with them." "Thanks for the offer Simon but I'll wait till I get my vacation leave. It's just a few more weeks." "Are you sure?" "Yeah. Besides, I'm in the middle of treating a patient." "Williams, that drive-by kid." "Yeah. He's making good progress." Simon sighed managing to get Shane's attention, "What?" "Nothing, I just think you're too involved with the kid. I've been watching you Shane and I'm worried about you." "Why?" "When you should be resting, you're here with him. Every physical therapy session he has you're right by his side and that's commendable but I really think you're over doing it. You get too attached then what. He gets well and goes away and you go back to the way you were before. You can't allow your happiness level to be based on how involved you are with your patients." "I don't know what you're trying to tell me Simon but really this is none of your business. I don't tell you how to treat your patients and I don't want you telling me how to treat mine." Simon just shook his head and threw his hands up in defeat. He knew Shane too well not to know what was going on. The kid was a time bomb waiting to happen and he didn't want his friend to get injured when it went off.
"How was your session today?" Shane asked as he massaged Anthony's ankle. "Not bad. I think I felt something today, it wasn't much but I felt it." The smile on his face was enough to give Shane's heart that extra beat. It was a strange feeling but he had to admit that it felt good. "Good, I told you this might happen. You see where a positive attitude will get you." "Yeah. I mean it's been hard and sometimes I be wanting to just give up but I think I'm gonna stick with it. I mean after today, the tingling, it could be my break you know." "Yeah I know. The therapist says you're doing well but he thinks you might be overworking yourself." "Naw, I just don't tire out as easily." "Well I have to agree with him Anthony. If you do too much too fast it could have a negative effect." He seemed to think about the point and threw up his hands in defeat, "Whatever you say doc." This move surprised Shane, he was at least expecting a verbal disagreement. "What, no argument?" "Not this time. I figure you the one with the degree, you must know your shit pretty well." Shane laughed and reached for the other ankle. "That I do." The silence that ensued seemed to be the thing that put things into perspective for Shane. It felt so natural to be doing this to him. Taking care of him, nursing him back to health. And for the first time in a long time, he wasn't thinking about Roderick or anyone else for that matter. "Doc?" Shane was too deep in thought to hear him. "Doc?" "Doc!" "Yeah." "You can stop now." "Huh." "My ankle, you can stop." Shane looked down and saw that his hands were caressing the heel of his foot. "Sorry." "It's ok. You just looked like you was enjoying that a little too much." "Oh." "Don't feel bad though, I can be irresistible like that." Realizing that he had made a joke out of the entire incident, Shane laughed and tried to hide his embarrassment. "I should get going." And as he turned to leave, Anthony called out to him, "you'll be back right?" "Yeah, I'll check up on you this evening." "Good." And before Shane could ask him what was so good about it, Anthony was asleep.
He found Simon at his desk filling out some paperwork so he knocked before entering. "Since when do you knock?" he asked taking a moment to rub his eyes. "Since now. You busy? I can come back if you are?" Simon got up and put the stack of papers on a nearby shelf, "Get your ass in here Shane and close the door." Shane chuckled and closed the door then took a seat opposite Simon. "What can I do you for?" "I want to apologize for all that shit I said earlier on today. I didn't mean to jump on you like that." Simon waved his hand, his nonchalant way of saying that something was long forgotten. "It's ok Shane. I know you've been stressed out lately, it's no problem, really." "Yes it is. I got to talk to someone and you're the only person that I think would understand." The look on Simon's face let Shane know that he had an ear. "How long we known each other Simon?" "Since med school. You were the dumbest med student I had ever met. Couldn't get your shit together for that first year and a half." They both chuckled at the memory. "Well in all these years you've known me, what do you know about me?" "What?" "You know, what do you know about me?" With confusion clearly etched unto his face he asked, "What exactly are you asking Shane?" "I don't know. I'm just confused." "About?" And it was then Shane told his friend and colleague of almost ten years about his past, his parents, his prior profession and more importantly his prior relationship with Anthony. Simon listened, his face displaying shock at what he was hearing. And his heart went out to Shane. "Jesus man, you should have said something sooner." "I would have but I thought I could handle it. I mean I've had shit being thrown at me for a long time now Simon. It's nothing new but this, I don't know how I should handle this." Simon thought long and hard about what he was going to say. "I think you should give his file over to another doctor Shane. This kid is trouble, even by your own admission. I mean the bastard cost you you're career for god's sake. What more do you need to happen to know that this will lead to trouble." "I was going to do that Simon but I can't. He's making so much progress now that maybe if I give him to someone else he'll relapse. You know how hard I worked to get him to this point." "And you're starting to sound like his fucking mother. He's a grown man Shane, he doesn't need babying. And you've made it clear as day that you can't continue to work with him on a doctor patient level." He knew that Simon was right, but refused to abandon this kid a second time around. "I can if I try harder, I just need a little back up on this." "Shane!" "What." "Don't let this kid fuck you over again. You said it yourself. You're too old for this shit." "I won't. And thanks for talking to me." "Anytime man, anytime."
As he stood outside the door and peeked in, he saw a side of Anthony that he had never seen before. There on the bed in Anthony's arms was a little girl who looked to be about eleven. "You behaving in school?" "Yeah. I got an A on my science project." "A! Good girl. You been behaving for grams?" "Yeah. When you coming home Tony, I miss you and grams misses you." "I know Tiana, I miss you too but I'm gonna be here for a while. Grams told you what happened didn't she?" The little girl nodded her head, "Well it's gonna be a while before I get out. There's this doc that's trying hard to make me feel better but it's gonna take time. You gotta be patient." At that the little girl started to cry. "Come on now Tiana, don't cry. I'm gonna be home soon." "That's not why I'm crying!" "Why you crying then?" "Suppose they try to shoot you again." The terror in her voice was ever present. "They won't." "You don't know that. They killed mama and now they're trying to kill you." At that her crying became uncontrollable. She held unto her brother as if he would disappear if she were to let go. "Tiana, they ain't gonna touch me ok. Or you or grams. We gonna be ok. Please don't cry no more." She just shook her head and continued to cry. He just held her and rocked her in his arms back and forth until she calmed down. Before long, her cries turned into sniffles and then silence. As a nurse approached the room to indicate that visiting hours were coming to an end, Shane instructed her to give them fifteen more minutes. He himself left them alone and made his way towards his office.
"You had visitors?" He asked already knowing the answer. "Yeah, my sister and grandma." "Must have been nice." "Yeah. I can't wait to get outta here and go back home. They need me..." he paused then continued, "I need them." "Well we'll get you out of here as soon as possible." And even though that piece of news should have had him jumping for joy, he felt a dread deep in the pit of his stomach. "I hope so." He responded trying to inject as much enthusiasm into his voice as possible. Both were lost in their own thoughts, not realizing that they shared the same concern.
The day had come and it should have made Shane relieved that he had kept himself in check but all it did was leave him with more unanswered questions and a guilty feeling inside. He had tried to keep busy but his mind kept wondering back to only one thing and one thing alone: Anthony. He had tried to deny what was happening to him but he could only lie to himself for so long. It was Simon that had eventually figured it out but could offer no viable solution that would fix everything. "I warned you Shane. I knew this was going to happen. I told you to turn his file over but..." "I didn't. You don't have to rub it in my face." "That's not what I meant to do Shane. I just don't want you to get hurt. I've been enjoying this new Shane." "I haven't changed that much, have I?" "Hell yeah you've changed. You're Mr. sunshine, Mr. smiles, Mr. happy go lucky, take your pick. You're so damn happy it's sickening." They had laughed but the seriousness of the situation soon seeped in. "You're in love aren't' you?" "Yeah. I mean I haven't felt this good since... you know, since Roderick." "Shane. You know this won't go anywhere. He's a kid. And forget the fact that he might not even play in your league, he's a thug." "You don't know that Simon." "And neither do you. The kid claimed you molested him Shane, he ruined your life. Now he's in here because of a drive by, that can't be good. You have nothing in common with him and all you know about him is that he's got a temper to match his looks. If that's what you're looking for then you can go out there and find it. Don't give him a chance to fuck you over again." And it had made sense. But no matter how hard he tried to ignore that familiar feeling, it would make itself known twice as strong and twice as hard as before. And now the time had come to let it go and move on. The kid would be checking out in a few hours and he wouldn't have to see him again and that thought alone had him misting when he thought no one could see him.
"So this is it." "Yeah. I..." no words could be said to describe what he was feeling. "Thanks for all that you've done for me doc. I really appreciate it." "I was only doing my job Anthony." "I know but I feel like I owe you for so much. I mean, the shit I put you through..." "You were angry." "No, let me finish. I did a lot of shit to you that I shouldn't have done and I said a lot of shit that I shouldn't have said. Back then, I know that what I said cost you your job and I didn't step up and be a man. I know it's bout ten years too late but I'm sorry for all the shit I put you through. When I did that I was going through a phase. I never had nobody want to take the time to help me out and when you did that I didn't know how to take it. And I mean I was hearing everything you ever told me and I was taking it to heart and when you just sent me away like that, I was fucking mad. I mean you was telling me that you was gonna be there for me and then just like that you want to come give me a black band and send me on my merry way." "You graduated Anthony. You were better, you weren't required to come see me anymore." "I know but it was like I thought you liked me, you know. I wanted you to tell me that I coulda stayed and we coulda talked some more. And when I told them that you did that, I thought that woulda made them send me back to you. I didn't know they woulda..." and it was the first time Shane saw him cry. It wasn't a lot and he didn't make a sound but the tears were there, as clear as crystal. "I ain't never forgot what I did to you. And I ain't never gonna forget." "You were a child. You were a baby, you couldn't have known. It's ok." And as Shane bent down and embraced him he felt that feeling, the strongest that it had ever been. "This is your day, your going to go home and start over and you're going to be fine." And an emotion that he didn't expect from him came out, Anthony pushed him away and looked up at a stunned Shane, "So you just gonna throw me away again, like you did before. Like I ain't nothing to you but another lost cause." "Anthony." Shane said making a move to touch him. "Don't fucking touch me man. I ain't gonna be nobody's lost cause." "And is that how you see yourself?" He didn't answer. "What the hell do you want from me?" Shane questioned. "I want you to fucking like me. That's all I ever wanted." And at that moment, the moment Shane was going to come clean, two guys, apparently friends of Anthony's coming to take him home, interrupted them. "What's up B?" What's up Craig, what's up Chris?" "What's up Tony? You ready to roll?" "Yeah." And with that, the one he had called Craig took the back of the wheelchair and pushed him outside.
A MONTH LATER
"So what do you think?" "About?" "About Richard? I think he likes you." "He's ok." "Ok, are you kidding me Shane. The man's a dream. He makes 75,000 a year, he has his own business and he's good looking. And all you can say is that he's ok?" "What do you want me to say?" "I don't know, maybe say he's hot, you like him, he's attractive, anything." "Come on Simon." "What?" "What do you expect me to say? I just met the guy. I know absolutely nothing about him and..." "And you're not even giving yourself the opportunity to get to know him. It's painful for me to sit here and to watch you two interact." Shane had to laugh. Simon's attempt to set him up with a 'nice' guy was just not as fruitful as expected. Richard was one of many that Simon had been trying to interview for his friend. "Well that's what you get for trying to find me a man. I am capable of finding my own boyfriend Simon. And even though Richard is a good looking guy he's not what I'm looking for." Shane excused himself and started for the door of the restaurant. "Come on Shane, at least finish out dinner, what do I tell him when he comes out of the john?" "Tell him I'm indisposed." "At least give me one credible reason why you don't like him." "He's not..." he stopped himself before his friend caught on to his train of thought. "He's not what?" "Nothing!" "He's not Anthony right? You are absolutely hopeless Shane. Homeboy's not coming back, don't you get it." "I wasn't even thinking about him." "Liar!" "I got to go." "Will you call me when you get home?" "No." "Shane!" "Yes, I will. Goodnight Simon." "Goodnight Shane."
The day had started out miserably. He had been due in the operating room at eight thirty and then again at three. Unfortunately, his car had given out on the Brooklyn Bridge and he had to wait over an hour for a tow truck. This in turn set his whole day back and that meant for some unhappy patients. And by the end of the day he was looking forward to the end of his shift. "I am exhausted." He declared to Mary Beth as he got his things together. "Not so fast doc, you have one more patient, a walk in." "Not me Mary Beth. Get someone else to take a look." "Sorry doc, he specifically asked for you." "Me?" "Yes. He says he's a former patient." He was not in the mood to deal with anyone right now. "Ok, where is he?" "Across the hall, RM284, I'll see you tomorrow doc." "Good night Mary Beth." After she left he put on his lab coat and made the short trip across the hall. Opening the door and closing it behind him he began to write up a new patient sheet. "Ok talk fast, I'm off duty..." looking up he got the shock of his life. In front of him sitting on the edge of an examination table was Anthony. "Doc." Shane was at a loss for words as he took in the man that had occupied most of his mind for the past few months. "I, uh, how are you?" His voice betrayed his shock and had Anthony asking, "You look shocked to see me." "I, yeah I'm pretty shocked, I mean...I don't even know what to say." "Good, now I don't feel so bad either." "How did you get in here?" he asked looking around the room for a wheelchair." "Crutches. I had one of them orderlies bring me up here then I walked the rest of the way." His smile brought comfort to Shane. "I'm glad. So what brings you here, something wrong." "Yeah, I got a pain that I can't get rid of." "In your legs?" He shook his head and hopped off of the table taking a step closer to Shane. "Your knees?" Again he shook his head and took another step closer to Shane. "Where then?" he asked, the concern apparent in his voice. He took Shane's hand and held it up slowly bringing it to his chest and finally resting it on his heart. "Here." And to say that he could practically hear his heart beating a mile a minute would have been an understatement. And as Anthony leaned into him he realized that he was more than ready to take this to a whole new level. He wasn't thinking about his deceased lover, his parents, Simon, or his job. His full attention was devoted to the man in front of him who was right at that moment fulfilling a void in him. The kiss was so gentle, so soft and such the opposite of the man that delivered it but to Shane it was the best kiss of his life. One that he hoped wouldn't be his last.
EPILOGUE
"You still coming over right?" "Yes, I'll be there." "And you're bringing Anthony right?" "Yeah." "Good, I think you might have some competition where Sheila's concerned. She hasn't stopped talking about him." "Well as he once told me, he's pretty irresistible." "Well you better keep homeboy occupied because I will fight his twenty something behind for my woman." "Sorry to disappoint you Simon but he's already taken." "That he is. I swear to god you never let him out of your sight." "You think I'm possessive?" "Maybe a little, in a good way of course." "Well I haven't had any complaints." And even though he knew he could have loosened the leash he had on Anthony, he was afraid to. All his doubts had resurfaced the day after that first night. He began to analyze his every move and tried to keep up with his lovers' young mind, trying to predict what would happen next. And of course, Anthony being Anthony was not making it easy on him. "You trying to keep up with me doc?" "I'm trying but I don't know how well I'm doing." They had just showered together and Shane was practically tripping over himself with worry waiting for Anthony's grandmother to come over. "Don't worry, she already knows." Shane had stopped dead in his tracks, the color draining from his face, "She does?" "Naw, just trying to get a reaction out of you." He had tried to playfully hit him but managed to hit his hand against the counter instead. "You ok there doc." "Yeah, no thanks to you." Moments of playfulness like these reminded him of Roderick and he prayed that his lover was looking down on him, proud at the decisions that he had made. Anthony had gotten a bowl and had poured ice into it then immediately placed Shane's hand in with it. And while he tried to fight the cold, Anthony held him from behind placing small kisses on the base of his neck. And as it always did, he calmed down and forgot about everything else except what they were doing. His grandmother had arrived shortly after that and had listened as her grandson break the news of their relationship. She wasn't stunned, shocked or even surprised. He would later learn that she had been watching them closer than either one was aware of. Either way, she was happy if her 'baby' was happy. "Shane, you ok? I've bee trying to get your attention for a while now." "Sorry, I was just thinking." "About Anthony?" "No." Simon gave him that look. "Ok bite me, I was thinking about him." And if that was wrong, he didn't want to be right. "Hey, I have no problem with that. He's even starting to grow on me." And it was beginning to seem that Anthony was growing on everybody. Even Shane's parents had called out of the blue one day and had invited him and his 'partner' to spend Christmas with them. All in all, things were going well. It had been a full year before Anthony could completely walk on his own without the aid of crutches and Shane was right by his side when it happened. He had even convinced Anthony to come in with him to work a few days a week talking with a few of the more difficult patients. He liked it so much that Shane convinced his boss to take him on as a part-time counselor. Now they had every opportunity to be together. A point which Shane never took for granted. Now as he sat here talking with Simon about dinner plans, he couldn't help but smile leaving his old friend to wonder what the hell was so damn comical.
THIS IS THE FINALE AND I JOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED IT. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU LIKED OR DIDN'T LIKE. THIS WILL GIVE ME AN IDEA OF WHAT TO WRITE IN THE FUTURE. THANKS FOR THE CONTINUED SUPPORT AND EMAILS. KEEP THEM COMING!!!