Health and Coffee Part 1
{ A short story about a male oriented self-help group that meets under the umbrella of a cooperative of men that support good sexual health for its men members. I wrote this and am the author, but please read this as though it is sourced in this manner:
This story appeared in a Men's Health Blog and it was captured and Cut/Paste part of a Reddit subreddit that addressed men's health. }
[INTRO]
Ian presented me with a simple proposition I felt I had to accept or at least understand better.
Ian insisted that we had to meet for coffee at a local second hand bookstore, Jared's. Jared served some of the sweetest choices of fresh coffee from delicate to outdoorsman - your preference. I preferred to have normal, everyday American breakfast blend.
Ian had relocated from Australia to San Antonio about nine months ago. He is a research scientist for UTSA, the local university. His specialty and his discipline was not salient to the story, but the fact is, he had met Marty and the story starts with Marty and Ian. I am Marty.
In a normal off-duty social environment, neither Ian nor I would be immediately pegged as professional in any way. We both dressed down very casual and relaxed. But I had grown just a bit nervous, truth be told, because this idea opened new territory to me.
Let me back up just a bit to where this came about.
[HEALTH AND COFFEE]
Two months ago, in late Spring, Ian and I first met. We were at a local amateur photography MeetUp group one Saturday and there was free time between the various speakers that approached the members with offers for different photo sub-groups, or teams, to join. Just because we were seated near each other, we talked. It turned out that we hit it off well and felt like pals quite quickly.
In our chatting during breaks, we became more comfortable and trusting with each other and discovered various idiosyncrasies we shared. Like the fact that we were both long time nudists, we are both socially quite liberal, and we both had felt increasingly comfortable about feeling an expanding sexuality, almost to the point of self identifying as bi-curious or at least generally curious.
As friends, we began meeting away from the photography groups. With both of us having relatively flexible scheduling, we began having regular coffees at either his apartment or my house and really developed a bond.
Our coffees did not have a specific form or context. But there was one thing that was consistent and that was that we spent our coffee times quite nude. Since both of us were long time nudists, we immediately took to getting naked for our coffees and being freely naked, we similarly spent our conversation equally as freely candid and exposed. We became good friends in actuality, not just in name.
Both Ian and I are single and, as our candid discoveries developed, we both were straight, but had come to recognize in our maturity that we were somewhat bi-curious or at least open-minded.
It was into this friendship that Ian wanted to introduce an experience he carried with him from the Land Down Under.
Ian had been part of a group of men that were all nudists that met for teas on a regular basis, much like our own coffees. He related that just when he emigrated from Australia to the US, the group was starting on a kick to increase the health of the group. Not all were going to participate, but almost all took part in the introduction classes. The leader of the concept was a man that had been a Registered Nurse for years and specialized at a Men's Health clinic.
His primary thrust was to teach ordinary men to self-examine and to take preventative steps in their own health. And to make it more likely to succeed, the idea was to get small, informal groups of men to participate in supporting each other.
The program included many steps to help men live longer, healthier, and avoid cancer and other diseases. And it tried to teach men to be comfortable with their own and each others' body to the point that they bonded in sharing the benefits of better health.
Ian said the leader of the initiative, a chap named Clanton, explained that the course would be explicit, but would be totally voluntary and every issue was optional. So, Ian shared this and asked if I had any interest in investigating this concept together. He also had some of the handouts that Clanton had provided and he copied them for me to study up on, and left them for me.
Some of the steps were almost medical in nature, while others were basically behavioral. Ian suggested that we study up and discuss the items over time and consider if we had an interest in doing any of the steps as well as considering inviting other like-minded men to join a small group that might form a core group in our city.
Some of the steps were almost trivial, such as taking temperature with a swipe of a device across the forehead, weighing, and reading blood pressure. The edgier steps were the real question Ian was asking about.
For starters, Ian suggested, for instance, that we consider Item 7 from Clanton's program, suggesting that it is simple, easy, everyone knows how to do it offers the proven benefit of reducing the chances of, and perhaps even preventing, both prostate and testicular cancer!
Of course I asked him to tell me more and was both surprised and sort of excited to hear that it was to encourage daily masturbation. Clanton quoted multiple university studies from around the world, that concluded that men who masturbated at least once per day, on average, reduced their chances of developing prostate (by up to 90%) and testicular cancers (by up to 70%) as long as it was consistent.
Neither Ian nor I was particularly embarrassed by the subject. In fact we had both previously discussed and offered that we enjoyed masturbation and both even gotten somewhat erect in each other's presence when our conversations touched on the erotic, which was not at all uncommon.
I don't recall which of us suggested that we adopt that item just as an easy thing to try, but it was no contest and we agreed to just do that every time we met - encourage and practice masturbating as a normal activity. So, Ian and I have, since then, always taken a few minutes to masturbate in front of each other. And we always laugh at how much we do to prevent cancer!
That first time we discussed it, I asked Ian if Clanton had added any guidance to applying Item 7 from his program and the only thing he said was that any way it was done was better than not doing it! So we each looked at our own and each other's cock and shrugged before taking the business at hand, in hand, and we began masturbating in front of each other for the first time.
I am a one-handed, right handed masturbator while Ian is two-handed using his second hand on his balls or his taint. Both of us occasionally use a second hand on a nipple. In fact it was more arousing than I'd have suspected to watch and be watched masturbating. It was so arousing, that I let out a rather quick warning that I was about to cum after a fairly short period and it was very soon then, that I felt my cock head get harder and redder before it shot three or four healthy dollops of sperm a few inches straight up and splashing back around my hand. I let go the tension from my eruption and saw Ian looking at my display. Given what he saw, he must have been driven over the line as well, and he voiced "Now ..." in return and his own cum show looked very similar to mine. We had broken what is, for most of us, a solid taboo and jerked off together. It was truly great.
After we had cum, Ian and I looked at each other a bit sheepishly, but this had been so good for us that both of us hoped to detect an element of approval from the other. And we did. From throat clearing to start, moments later, we mutually acknowledged that this had been a neat thing and - we both showed, then said, we wanted to do this again. Perhaps often, even every meeting.
We went three months without referring to Clanton or his papers. But we religiously included a self masturbation session, and mutual commitment to continue the practice,on our own, daily, as well as during our coffees - week after week. In fact, coffees went from anywhere from two or three weeks apart to a weekly habit.
I was the one that unexpectedly caused things to move forward. I didn't intend to cause a change, but After a week came that we each actually masturbated twice in the same coffee time, I simply asked or pondered "I always wondered how it felt for other folks to masturbate. Is it the same as it feels to me? Is it different?"
Ian didn't respond, but I could tell he was not ignoring me, he was pondering, as I had been before asking. Then Ian finally returned with "I wonder how you could ever truly sense how others feel or perceive masturbating?"
We launched into a back and forth about how we felt, but neither of us could grasp how another felt. Our first obstacle was the question 'how does it feel to be felt by another person?' Really, what does a woman feel to have a man or woman feel their breast? What does a man feel to have a man or woman feel his, say, testicles or penis?'
Finally, this discussion devolved into me asking "Ian, what do you think it would feel like for me to simply hold your penis for fifteen seconds - then you do the same in return? Could we each describe the experience and then successfully communicate it to each other?"
The momentary silence that ensued were stretched like play dough. I wondered if Ian took my words wrong, did I say them wrong? Did I cross through - or worse yet, blast far through some red line of behavior?
But actually, Ian responded much sooner than the tense pause made it feel with "It is not that I think that would not be a great experience to try, but it is exactly that I think that that WOULD be a great experience and I'm trying to process how long that same question has probably rattled around within MY own brain unrealized."
"Marty, I'm shocked at my own self-ignorance. Society has really made us uncomfortable with nature, with ourselves, and with the world! More basic than masturbating, I would like us to back up a bit and actually take some no-blame, no-shame time to get to understand our own and each other's fucking bodies! I'd like us to back up and get to know our own and each other's penis and testicles, and anus, and whatever. " I know it is a risk, but what do you feel about that, Marty? How would you feel about purposely including touching and being touched in our coffees?"
Ian went on with another observation. "If we got back to looking at Clanton's papers. we'd see that body knowledge about our own and each other's bodies actually is one of the basic and early things he envisioned happening. Basic familiarity and comfort regarding our own, and each other's, nude bodies is essential, he says."
I replied, "Why don't we take his papers back with us today and next time we get together, we can talk about body awareness?"
And when we ended that coffee, we were committed to continue exploring with a real purpose.
[DEEPER LIFE BEGINS]
There was no conscious reason why, but our next coffee got delayed by about four or five days and when we did make it, without planning, we were unusually slow in getting naked. You see, we both felt that this time would be a time that we would go beyond just being nude in front of each other to being naked with each other with the intent to share the nakedness.
We had read more of Clanton's handout and began to understand the intent of the nakedness and body understandings. His more advanced steps were not 'alone' actions like the masturbation, but were 'team' actions that required two or more guys to accomplish.
The next two health concerns were examination and early detection. The culprits being checked on were Testicular and Penile cancers. Clanton showed documented studies that showed that self-examination for these risks reduced mortality by over 50%, each. But then he showed that examination by a second party further that risk by another 50%!
The keys to that second party benefit were that the testing be done by someone with understanding testicular structure and experience of at least 5 examinations - both of themselves and others.
The same numbers applied to checking for penile cancer. It was stark information to process. But this absolutely made sense for why Ian and I needed to become acclimated to touching each other's genitals without fear or nervousness.
So, there we stood, naked, somewhat nervous and even fearful, but aware of the need for us to both become comfortable touching these delicate parts of a pal's body while the pal touched our own with equal comfort and confidence.
We stood facing each other, but a step or so separated. Ian sort of took the lead. The Australian group had not arrived at this point when he left and he had no idea how they approached this as a group, but I was convinced that he was closer to figuring out success than I was, ...
Ian guided us to take a step forward and to our left so that we were each off the the 45 degree right side of the other.
"Use your right hand to simply cup my genitals and I will do the same to yours?" and we actually did. By total coincidence, the actual contact took place as though perfectly synchronized. This was the first time either of us had handled another man's penis or testicles and we simply stood still for well over a minute without moving and absorbed the feelings - those we felt as well as those we each were causing.
After we had each relaxed, we backed off and asked each other if we were still ok, and each of us assured the other that we were fine.
I suggested "Maybe we should now do the same thing, but with a specific body part?" and waited for Ira to concur.
Instead he suggested that we don't do it together, but one at a time, to which I nodded agreement. With nothing else being said, I suddenly felt Ira reach and gently grasp my penis. He took it in his hand as a whole before he began to feel it in different hand positions and then in different portions of my penis. This was actually feeling very nice and I began to firm up. I became self-conscious of my arousal, but I whispered "I'm sorry, it ..." and in silence, he continued. I thought of the times he had seen me totally erect when we masturbated in front of each other and slowly stopped worrying.
Ira eventually let go of my penis, but oddly, he did it in a movement that was almost, sort of 'putting it back' where he found it. I thought about that and it felt just a little bit ... respectful is the best word to explain it.
Since Ira had taken the initiative silently, so did I and I reached to feel his penis. I did the same type of actions to familiarize myself with his penis as he had done with mine and I really tried to concentrate on what I was feeling, specifically. His shaft, his head, his urethra, his pee hole - the entirety of his penis down to where the shaft disappeared into his abdomen. It was later that I came to understand that a large portion of the penis is sort of internal and would become part of the actual examinations when we learned to do them correctly. But, mentally, I noticed that part of my sensations were actually what my fingers felt and part of the sensations were my own memory of what the same actions had felt like when Ira had examined my penis.
I was sensitive to the fact that Ira also become pretty erect from the process, particularly when I was feeling the head of his penis and his frenulum. Just as I had showed a vulnerability, Ira more or less whispered "... sorry, Marty..." and I let it drop as he had my own awkward apology.
I conducted my exam and ultimately felt, at some point, that clearly I was done. Because of the respect I felt from Ira's closing movements, I did the same and I gently returned his still semi-erect penis to 'where I found it' and let go gently.
Ira and I repeated the process for our testicles. Examining them both as a pair and individually. Again, we both took the action of gently returning the body part to where we found them and I am sure that this had become something we would both expect as both givers and receivers of exams. We both felt that we had the mechanics of what would be required to provide Clanton's examinations. The only thing we had not done was to examine and pull back the foreskin because both of us are circumcised.
Both Ira and I were pretty worn down by the intensity of this experience, but we went to our normal seats and sat and began our normal coffee experience.
I offered that I found this whole event to be, at the same time, both quite intense and quite relaxing. I was not surprised when Ira shared the same, but added that he was unsure which was the stronger sensation!
Silence was overwhelming, in fact, we finished our first cups in virtual silence before we both went for seconds. As we were at the machine, we started talking again and we both agreed that we need to do this repeatedly for a few times and talk very frankly about the experiences each time to be able to see if this was what we really wanted to include in our normal meetings.
It was strange, in a way, but that was the first meeting in a long time that we failed to masturbate together. Neither of us said anything about it, but for our next meeting, again with nothing being said, we conducted our new examinations and went back to our normal masturbation routine.
[ACTUAL EXAMS}
Ira and I continued with the informal mutual examinations and this definitely served to make us comfortable with touching and being touched. But a side benefit of this examination practice was that we just became more comfortable with each other's sexuality. We had felt each other become and remain erect as a result of our contact and we had felt the same sensations as both giver and receiver during the sensations.
I was first to suggest "Ira, do you think we would, or even should, try to become comfortable with helping each other masturbate? Is that so much different or beyond where we have been so far?"
Ira responded, "To tell the truth, whether it is planned or not, I think I'd like us to try that even if it is just as an additional pleasure, how do you feel about it?"
"Well, we have watched each other masturbate and we have touched each other intimately - putting the two together is not that much more outlandish," I replied, continuing "and When we had those first erections in each other's hands, I was very excited. It felt great."
[THE GROUP GROWS]
At our next coffee, Ira suggested that we make a move to grow the group to about five or six men and see how it goes to group buy-in before we actually proceed with actual touching exercises, after all, if nothing else we can just have larger tea and coffee group.
We did just that. I won't go into how we reached out to other men, but more than six did respond, however, gentle interviewing eliminated three of them and we met with the other three. All of them were positive and intrigued about the concept and reacted either eagerly or open-minded to trying it out at a future meeting.
At our next meeting, all five of us attended and we introduced the new guys to the culture we had established. To teach the exam exercises, we liberally traded partners so that each new fellow got some experience with both Ira and I.
In about 3 weeks, we were actually reading and literally practicing the exams. Of course, we had already begun the prevention practice of daily masturbation and this included masturbating within the group, in front of the group as part of our implementing and normalizing the action so many people view and consider with such shame. One of the new guys had started a discussion about whether we might as a group also observe and monitor volume of ejaculate - and if there were any health advantage to be aware of sudden or, even, gradual changes to this. We never really came to a firm conclusion, but decided to keep open minds and to keep our eyes open to any research or news on the topic.
End of Part 1
[Follow Part 2 Coming Soon]