Headbangers Ball - Chapter 2
So this is the second installment of a true story about how I developed a unique fetish. It is not for everyone, but if you discover that you are turned on or even curious, feel free to reach out to me (my email is posted at the top). I'm actually hoping to talk to, and even meet, others who are into this, especially if you are the active type who wants to inflict this fetish on me.
In the first installment, I think I did a sufficient job describing how this all got started and how the first head banging session happened by accident and I discovered something I really liked. For me it took giving blow jobs to a new transcendental level. By transcendental I mean meditative, even mystical. I didn't fully understand what was happening or why, I just knew I stumbled onto something that really resonated in my brain, both philosophically and physically. It's taken years of experiences, research (including reading medical and psychological journals and articles), and lots and lots of practice to hone this fetish and addiction into something meaningful and fulfilling. By the end of this entire series, I hope to have written it all out in a way that lets others understand why I like this, and more importantly why I need this. The "this" I speak of is having a guy forcibly bang my skull repeatedly against a hard surface while he fucks my face without stopping until he reaches and experiences a powerful, pleasurable orgasm which includes shooting his cum load in my mouth and/or deep in my throat. This all happens without me getting hard or having an orgasm of my own. Most of the time I remain fully or partially clothed. The experience I get, however, is still very sensual. I have the sights of seeing a guy's hard cock and sweaty balls right in my face. I get to smell him and taste his cock and eventually his cum. I hear the belt buckle (if he is wearing a belt) and the button and zipper open on his pants. I hear the sounds of the face fuck, the wet sucking sounds of my mouth and the "gawk, gawk, gawk" of my throat being banged by a hard cock and the occasional gag when I can't keep control of my gag reflex. And I hear the moans and grunts of pleasure and sometimes the dirty talk of a verbal top calling me names. These are all wonderful, pleasurable sensations for me. And the guy fucking my face usually likes all these sounds and feelings too.
Added to all of this are the feelings and the sounds associated with having my skull banged against something hard, over and over, in a sustained, steady, non-stop rhythm, from the beginning of the face fuck all the way through to its climatic end. And over the years I have experimented with different surfaces that produce various sensations, different vibrations in my brain, and a variety of sounds. I'm sure even you can imagine the differences between banging my head against a cinder block wall or using me against a wooden door, for example. And as I write about my various experiences and encounters in this series, I will do my best to describe these differences in detail. But before I get into all that, I have a few more things to tell you about this buddy from school I've been telling you about, and this includes a couple more key discoveries and insights that I know have contributed to this head banging fetish becoming an addiction for me.
So you know I had been blowing different guys from school and in my neighborhood and really discovered I liked giving head and wasn't really interested in getting my cock sucked at all. So I already developed this one-sided idea of sex and I didn't even bother jacking or of having an orgasm myself while I was servicing and pleasuring other guys. All of my focus was on giving the other guy the best orgasm possible. When another guy uses my mouth, throat and skull to get himself off, and he experiences a powerful climax as he shoots his load into me, I feel completely used and satisfied, so much so that my own pleasure is not even a consideration. These earliest sexual experiences hard wired me to be like this. There is no way to change it, and to be very honest, I don't want to change anything. Yes, sometimes it is a problem, and I have to miss out on sex with some hot guys because they are insistent that it be a mutual experience and that we both need to get off, but it's not going to happen. I'm to the point now where I never get hard when servicing other guys. I may start out with an semi-erection because I'm excited about getting used and I'm anticipating a very rough face fuck and a potential concussion, and the sounds and sights (and even smells) of a guy undoing his belt and pants to expose his cock in front of my face definitely get me excited. But any semi-erection I might experience out of anticipation quickly deflates and disappears as soon as we start getting down to business. I'm also into getting hurt during these encounters, and I don't think my brain can process the idea of sustaining an erection and having a pleasurable orgasm, while at the same time my head is being banged against something hard enough to cause me pain. But also I seem to slip into a trance-like meditative state and all my energy is focused on being a great cocksucker and on processing the vibrations and pain that are shocking my brain as I get lost in the steady rhythm and the repeated thuds of my skull hitting the wall or another hard surface. There is just too much going on that I can't possibly also focus on maintaining my own erection and getting myself off. Add to that the fact that I don't even want to get off anyway, and my little dick just doesn't stand a chance to even work like it's designed to do. So the guys I meet or talk to who insist that I get hard and get off, and especially the ones who actually say "I want you to cum for me" and the ones who, god forbid, want to reciprocate the oral sex, some of whom even want to change places and have me face fuck them against a wall, are shit out of luck. Not only that, but they are a huge turn off to me. I only focus on guys who understand that I am getting everything I need from being used by them, and we have an agreement from the beginning that we both focus on his pleasure and making sure his orgasm is the best possible. Some call those types of guys "selfish tops" and I don't have a problem being used by "selfish" guys. But I disagree that they are selfish. Guys who oblige me in this strange head banging fetish are actually doing me a huge a favor. I get a lot out of head banging sex that is way more important than getting myself off during the experience. And I respect and admire these "selfish" tops immensely. But it does limit my experiences because these types of guys are rare and hard to find. There are way too many guys who want mutual sex, who describe themselves as "versatile" and expect me to be the same. All guys in this category are eliminated from my list of potential hook ups. I'm just not into that and I can't change how I am wired, even if I wanted to. And as I said earlier, I don't want to!
This is a big reason why me and this buddy from school got along so well. He had no interest in my cock or cum. He had no interest in my ass either. The only experiences I ever had with him were always oral and always one-sided. It was his cock using my mouth and throat. It was his orgasm that provided enough pleasure for both of us. There really was nothing mutual about our afterschool activities except for the fact that we both had fun, wanted to do it often, and we both really liked the physical feelings we experienced, even though they were on different ends of the pain/pleasure spectrum. He enjoyed being sucked and the feeling of a wet mouth and a tight throat that he could fuck while he fantasized it was some girl's tight wet pussy. He loved the physical pleasure it gave his cock. And he loved the intense orgasm he experienced each time he came in my mouth and down my throat. I enjoyed the physical sensations of cock and the penetration of my lips, mouth and throat. I enjoyed the smell and taste of his sweaty cock after a long day at school. I also loved the taste and texture and feeling of his cum in my mouth and throat, swallowing his sperm and consuming that amazing fluid that is like nothing else in the world. I really enjoyed being part of another guy's orgasm, sensing his reactions to the movements of my tongue and sucking mouth, the grunts and moans and swear words that emitted from his mouth, and the actions and motions of his body, how his hips moved, how his breathing changed, how his muscled tensed in different places at different times. I loved it when he got lost in what he was doing, how he had an urgency and need to get off, how he had a deep focus and concentration as he moved his body the way he wanted, and used my body the way he needed to get himself off with the most intense orgasm he could achieve. I loved how things changed the closer he got to that goal, how he would fuck my face harder, faster, penetrate deeper. I loved how the closer he got there was absolutely no stopping him; it was like a switch had been flipped and he was in machine mode. I don't even think one of my sisters knocking on the bathroom door would have stopped him at the very moment he approached climax and his orgasm was imminent. He had to finish no matter what. I really enjoyed helping him get to that point. It was the ending we both wanted and needed. It became even more magical when he knew he was right there on the brink and he would whisper those awesome words, "I'm gonna cum" and even hotter when there the F word was thrown in a few times: "Oh fuck, fuck, I'm gonna fucking cum!" punctuated by grunts and groans and heavy breathing, faster, harder, deeper thrusting until that final thrust that slammed my head to the counter and pinned it while he unloaded in my throat, his entire body super-tensed and shaking. This was immediately followed by the sudden relief of release where all the tension leaves and all the cum is swallowed, and there is now only the sounds of his heavy breathing. That is heaven to me. That feels so much better than any orgasm I could give myself. And while maybe at first he was just selfish and didn't care if I had an orgasm and got off or not. It was all about him but I wanted it to be all about him, too. But even without me ever explaining it to him, and perhaps before even fully understanding it myself, we both figured out that his powerful orgasms were enough for both of us. His physical pleasure and satisfaction came from getting off. My pleasure came from being an object he used to get the release he so urgently needed. I was satisfied when he was satisfied. My pleasure derived from giving him pleasure. And my pleasure was also enhanced by those things I mentioned before: the sights, sounds and tastes associated with being face fucked. I wanted his cum every day, as often as I could get it. So maybe that made me the selfish one in this fuck buddy friendship?
The multiplying factor in all of this was the head banging. Once I discovered what it did to me, how it made my skull and brain feel, but not yet knowing how addictive it would become, I really enjoyed experimenting with it. We were at the point where getting my skull banged on the bathroom vanity counter was an expected, even required element of our almost daily encounters. I described that by the third time we did the head banging we were doing it start to finish, and not just at the end of the face fuck like the first time it happened. He didn't question it or make any changes to the routine moving forward. I never again had to ask for it or tell him up front that I needed him to thrust hard enough to bang my head on the counter. It became a normal part of our face fuck sessions, from start to explosive finish, every time now. And it was great. Then came another discovery. We were never big into discussing what we did in the bathroom, and just had a basic code of a few words, facial expressions, and nonverbal cues that were understood between us. These were subtle communications, mostly at school, that let me know, for example, that he was looking forward to coming over to my house later that afternoon. That was usually a certain smile, or a nod, or occasionally, when no one else could see him, my buddy would point to his dick or even grab his crotch to send the message "I know you want this" and "get ready for another face fuck you sick homo!" OK, maybe his gestures weren't really sending those exact messages, but that's how my brain translated them. But I guess the more we did this, the more curious he got about what I was getting out of this fuck buddy relationship, and it caused him to ask a few questions now and then. And when we were alone in private, and no one else could hear us, we occasionally had open and honest discussions about this thing we did together.
One particular discussion was instrumental in the development of this addictive fetish for both of us. He just asked "so do you really like it when you head hits the counter like that?"
I don't know why, but I felt a little embarrassed to tell him how much I liked it. But I was developing a real need for it and I wanted to explore it farther and see if there was more to this fetish. So I swallowed my pride (after swallowing his cum) and I told him that getting my head banged on the counter while he face fucked me was incredible. I don't remember all the specific details of our conversation that day, but I know he was curious about why I liked it. I did my best to describe what it did to me, but this was still a new fetish to me and one I wouldn't fully understand until I had a lot more experience with it. The basic points of our conversation focused on the vibrations and the sounds of head banging. I can only describe it as an electric buzzing in my brain. I remember talking about how that only happens when my head bangs the counter hard enough and it is ongoing at a steady, somewhat fast pace. That electric buzz starts about 2-3 minutes into it and lasts about 10 to 15 minutes after he finishes in my throat. In addition to the electric buzz through my brain, during the face fuck there is also a jarring vibration each time my skull hits the counter. And some pain. But that pain is also something that I like, and it was hard for both of us to understand that. I also remember discussing the sound, the repeated, consistent, steady thud of my skull banging the counter top over and over from beginning to end was strangely hypnotic. I have come to describe it as meditative. I was raised catholic and have made the comparison that head banging is like praying the rosary: the repetitive nature of it creates a contemplative effect and you can get lost in the repetition of the same prayers over and over as you focus your attention on "the mysteries of faith" which are based on specific biblical references. If you were taught how to pray the rosary you probably know what I mean. A similar, perhaps more relatable example might be meditative yoga where you hold specific postures while repeating a mantra over and over. OOOOOHMM. OOOOOHMM. The simplicity of the sounds and actions focuses your attention and allows you to contemplate the mysteries of life. It can also be transcendental, or even induce astral projection, leading to out of body experiences and mind journeys into other dimensions. I have experienced all of this, but not until I really embraced this addictive fetish and took it to the necessary levels to produce these experiences. But back then, when I was first experimenting, I had yet to reach these higher levels of head banging. But I was certainly experiencing the electrical buzzing, jarring vibrations, and mild pain, all of which I developed an addiction for, even early on with my school buddy.
This discussion he and I had about me actually liking and wanting my head to bang the bathroom vanity counter top during our face fucks led to a confession from my buddy that was exactly what I needed to hear. He told me that since we have been including head banging in our face fuck ritual, he has been having stronger orgasms and he actually thinks it is hot. He admitted it turned him on. Mostly the sound, he admitted, but also he said it aroused him to see how eager I was to get it. He was referring partly to the way I scrambled into position. He also asked me if it hurt, and I said it hurt some, especially more toward the end. The first few minutes didn't hurt much at all. It took several minutes of steady banging before I really noticed anything I would define as pain. But I also tried to explain that pain was not necessarily unpleasant to me. I remember he found this all very interesting and exciting. And he made another confession of sorts when he admitted that he liked the idea of me experiencing pain from his face fucks. He said he had been thinking about it while he was face fucking me earlier and was imagining that I was experiencing pain but still submitted to him and just let him finish to orgasm. I did tell him I never wanted to do anything to ruin his orgasm, and that included stopping him or telling him to slow down or not to thrust so hard. I remember he was squeezing his cock through his pants while we talked and he admitted that he was aroused by knowing I was experiencing pain while he fucked my faced hard enough to bang my skull. He said his orgasms were getting more intense each time we did this. Of course hearing that only made me want to give him more pleasure, and I started thinking about how we could expand on this fetish to reach higher levels of pain for me and pleasure for him. We didn't talk much longer as he had to be getting home. But we both knew that we didn't have to talk about this anymore. Head banging was now a part of our ritual and was implied in our usual non-verbal communications. The next time I saw him grab his crotch at school, instead of my brain translating that gesture as "get ready for another face fuck," it automatically upgraded to "get ready to get you skull banged really hard later today, you sick mother fucking faggot!" and "I'm gonna get off so good from hurting you so bad, you nasty cocksucking freak!" I wish he actually said these things to me directly, but we both know it was implied and he didn't need to actually say it.
Our frequent face fucking/head banging sessions continued, but with even more urgency on his part. The problem was, he was banging my head harder on the bathroom vanity and the sounds were getting louder. We feared drawing attention to our afterschool activities and quickly decided we needed to move to a different location. This opened the door to a variety of experiences and experiments with different surfaces to bang my skull against. Our location of choice became the garage where there was a sturdy wooden work bench my dad kept his tools on. There was metal shelving in there too and also cinder block walls to explore. Since both my parents worked, both vehicles were gone which offered a cement floor as well. The garage doors were usually kept closed, but they didn't lock, and the garage had windows, so there was still a chance of getting caught, but the chance of one on my sisters coming to look for me there was small. But we took extra measures to not be seen going into the garage together, as that might raise some curiosity and cause my sisters to check on us to see what we were up to. Luckily there was a walk-in door that opened to the backyard. So we could easily go out and toss a football for a while or something and then sneak into the garage from the backyard without detection. The bad part was instead of heading to the bathroom right away when we got to my house after school like we had been doing, we had to make small talk and provide a reason for going outside and act like we were going to play in the yard, when what I was anxious and excited to do was play with my buddy's cock and get him off while he pounded my skull into head banging bliss. I patiently waited until my buddy gave one of his non-verbal communications, such as tossing the football to where it landed near the back door of the garage. It was then that I knew he was ready and that I would some be getting hurt for his pleasure. And to be honest, I was usually more excited about that than he was.