Hawthorne Awakening

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Hawthorne Awakening

by

Ritch Christopher

Part Nine

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Randy and Tyler wasted no time in getting off...two quick blowjobs and out. They lay side by side, each assuming that the other was satisfied as always, but tonight something was different. Thoughts of what Steve had said to Wade rang in their minds. What was different about the way that the two of them had sex? In all their years of friendship, camaraderie, and being "best buddies", neither Randy nor Tyler had ever expressed verbally how they felt about one another.

It was Randy who broke the meditation. "You get off good?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Feel like goin' again?"

"Maybe in a few minutes."

Again, there was a long silence between them.

"Randy?"

"Yeah?"

"Whachu thinkin' about?"

"Oh, I don't know. Why are you so quiet?" Randy asked.

"Nothin'. I was just thinkin'...?"

"'Bout what?"

"I can't get Steve's words out of my mind..."

"You mean what he said to Wade?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think he meant it...? I mean about lovin' Wade and all?"

"He said it, didn't he? We were both witnesses. I don't think ANYONE, 'specially Steve would say somethin' like that lessen he meant it."

"I know. That worried me, too," Randy said, sighing. "I mean, how can a guy love another guy, you know, same as a girl?"

"That's why they call queers queer."

"Steve ain't no queer. I mean---he's our best friend. I'd never think of callin' him a queer."

"No, and you'd better not. He'd beat the shit out of you."

"I know...it's just that...well, we have sex and all, but hell, that's just to relieve ourselves when we both get horny."

"Yeah, I know, but somehow it's different."

Another long pause.

"Randy, can I ask you somethin'?"

"Sure."

"Now, don't get me wrong, but...well, when I go down on you...how does it compare when a girl goes down on you."

"I don't know. You're better, I guess," Randy replied. "What about you? How do I stack up?

"You're better."

"How so?"

"I don't know, you just are. I guess you know what makes you feel good and I do the same thing with you."

"You ever thought about gettin' married?"

"I will some day."

"Will that be the end of us? I mean, no more gettin' off together? You know, the way we do now?"

"I can't be sure."

"But you said 'I' was better...."

"You're better than any girl who's ever tried."

"That's how I feel. Of course we'd have to be mighty careful. I mean, you and me...and a wife...that's grounds for divorce."

"Why are you bringin' up all this serious stuff?"

"I don't know. I mean after we got through a few minutes ago, for the first time I wondered how I felt about you...and you, me."

"Aw, you've let Steve's love-talkin' get the best of you."

"No, Randy, I'm serious. I don't know how I feel about you."

"We're buddies! Best friends!"

"Sometimes when I'm home alone at night, I get off thinkin' about you. How about you? Do you ever think about me when we're not together?"

"I suppose...at times."

"How would you feel if I said the same thing to you that Steve said to Wade?"

"You mean about...lovin' me?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know. I'd get scared, I guess."

"Why?"

"I'd be afraid you were turnin' queer on me," Randy replied, then added, "you don't, do you?"

"What?"

"Love me."

"I...I don't know. I mean, I'm not sure. I know I love you as a buddy, a best friend, a brother..."

"Well, that's how I feel about you."

Tyler waited a few moments before saying, "I think I COULD love you... in a different way."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, hell! Steve didn't hesitate to say how he felt about Wade...I mean, right in front of us. Randy, Steve's REALLY in love with Wade...and he didn't know it or show it before today!"

"What are you trying to say?"

"Randy, there's no one in my life that I think more of. I've never felt this way about ANY girl, no time."

"And...?"

"Maybe, I DO love you."

"Tyler, are you serious or pullin' my leg?"

"I'm dead serious, dammit!"

"I don't know what to say," Randy said, while at the same time, he felt a new erection mounting in his loins.

"Would you let me try somethin'?"

"What?"

"THIS!" Tyler said as he made a lunge with his mouth toward Randy's lips. Randy tried to pull back from the surprise move, but Tyler's strength and passion were overpowering him. Randy relaxed a bit, then gave in. Tyler put his arms around Randy and pulled their bodies closer as the kiss became more passionate. Randy balked at first when Tyler pressed his tongue against Randy's lips trying to gain entry. Randy startled himself as he open his mouth to receive the invading tongue.

Both guys had flaming hard-ons and each began to press them into the other's...their hips grinding...both sets of arms were exploring each others back all the way down to their buttocks. They pulled their bodies together even more tightly.

The kiss lasted several minutes as their faces and mouths twisted in new directions. Both were afraid to break the kiss for fear of having to face what was happening between them. Neither had ever felt the sensation they were experiencing in all the years they had been having "buddy" sex. They realized that both needed air and had to catch their breath. So they unlocked their lips rather quickly. Tyler kept his face close to Randy's looking deeply into Randy's eyes.

Tyler finally spoke, "Well...?"

"Well...?" Randy echoed.

"I...I DO love you, Randy. God help me, but I do."

Randy was almost afraid to respond, but feeling Tyler's warm breath exhaling on his lips, he replied, "I guess I love you, too, Tyler."

"I think I always have...but just didn't know it. I didn't know how you'd react...I didn't think I'd ever have the gumption to tell you."

Randy lips formed a slight smile and said, "Do you realize what's happened...in a matter of moments?"

"Yeah...and I'm glad. I mean, it was bound to happen sooner or later."

"Are you ready to admit that we're queer?" Randy asked.

"If that's what we are...then so be it. We've been inseparable since we were just kids and I can't imagine livin' the rest of my life without you."

"You know...I can't either. Only we've had a couple of big problems to solve."

"Like what."

"Can you be happy with just the two of us? I mean, could you give up girls and pussy?"

"I can if YOU can...I mean, we've both got pussies, so to speak."

"You're thinkin' about the two of us goin' all the way...doin' the whole shebang?"

"I'm willin' if YOU are," Tyler said, smiling at his new lover.

"Wanna try?"

"I'm game."

"Who goes first?"

"Well, it's obvious we can't do it at the same time...I mean, we'll have to take turns."

"Who'll do what to who?"

"I'll let you go first," Tyler said..."Only take it easy."

"I'll be as gentle to you as you'll be with me...only remember, if I hurt you, let me know. I don't want you hurtin' me to get revenge."

"Got any lube?"

"You know I always have lube. I use it every weekend."

"Then get it!" Tyler said.

"Missionary or doggie?"

"Missionary," Tyler replied, "I want to look into your eyes while you make love to me the first time."

"Missionary it is. Get comfortable and prop that pillow under you while I go get the stuff."

Tyler elevated his hips with a pillow while Randy reached over to his bedside drawer and got a new tube of KY-Jelly. He carefully, applied an ample amount of the lubricant to both of them and slowly placed his body over Tyler's. Before he entered him for the first time, Randy lowered his face to kiss Tyler again. The two of them had spent hours, days, months, and years side by side and now, suddenly, neither could get enough of the other. All the time they had wasted was being caught up in a single moment.

Slowly but deliberately, realizing that this moment change both their lives, Randy entered Tyler's body for the first time. Tyler only made one slight grimace...but now, not even pain mattered. They had found one another at long last. They were making love...REAL love.

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The mood and atmosphere was not as pleasant at the English household. Thelma English was on a tirade and Wade was the object of its force.

"...but Mama," Wade pleaded.

"Don't 'Mama me'! I want to know where you were all day yesterday and today."

"I told you. Noah left for school and I wanted to say goodbye to him."

"What time did he leave?"

"Around 9:30 this morning..."

"Then where were you the rest of the day?"

"I went over to Steve's."

"And did what?"

"I visited with Steve and Mrs. Jarvis."

"I'm sure that Nora Jarvis got tired of you after a short while. Why didn't you come home for supper?"

"I...I ate with them."

"Then why didn't you call?"

"Mama, I'm nineteen years old. I'm almost a man and I don't see why I have to give an account to you for all my actions."

"As long as you live under my roof, you will."

"But, Mama, Steve, Hal, Randy, and Tyler are my best friends. Who else am I supposed to associate with?"

"There are some nice boys at the church...boys who love the Lord and follow His ways."

"Who? Jimmy Jernigan and that fatso, Claude Jenkins?"

"That's two...and don't refer to Claude as being fat. He can't help it. The doctor told his mother that he was emotionally obese."

"Oh, for God's sake...he's fat...he's always been fat and always will be as long as he eats six meals a day."

"Wade, you use the Lord's name in vain one more time and I'll take a strop to your backside."

"Shit!" Wade uttered under his breath.

"What did you say?"

"I didn't use the Lord's name."

"You might as well have."

Wade had a sudden urge to run out of his house...run as far as he could and never look back. Only an hour ago, he was in the arms of Steve, feeling safe, warm, protected...and loved. Steve had driven him home and he gotten out of Steve's car in a trance...and now, five minutes with his mother and his golden carriage had turned back into the reality of a pumpkin. He knew it was wrong to hate his mother, but it was difficult to be around her when she was in one of her moods. Why couldn't he have gone away to school at age sixteen as Noah had? Why did Steve's, Hal's, Randy's, or Tyler's mothers give them the freedom that he himself longed for? Why couldn't Steve suddenly ride through the front door on a white horse and rescue him from his mother's wrath?

"I'm going to bed, Mama."

"While you're in your bedroom doing only the Lord knows what, get on your knees and pray for forgiveness?"

"Mama, what have I done to be forgiven for?"

"Lots of things! Things I don't know about...but don't worry! The Lord sees everything that you do...and some day you'll have to account to Him for those things."

"Is it a sin to have friends?"

"Yes, if they are the wrong kind of friends! I know about Steve and his beer drinking...pot smoking...and...and things I won't mention!"

"How do you know, Mama?"

"Because he doesn't come to church! He doesn't know the Lord."

"Oh, good grief! Good night, Mama!"

"Don't you forget to pray!"

"No, Mama, I won't!"

Wade stormed into his bedroom and slammed the door behind him. He wanted to cry. His mother had ruined the marvelous feeling he'd had when he left Steve. Wade threw himself onto the bed and hugged his pillow. How he wished that it were Steve he was embracing. How wonderful would it be, if he could go to bed every night with the guy he loved?

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When Steve left Wade at his house, he drove away on cloud ten...higher than nine. Steve had never felt love as he felt it now. Why hadn't he noticed Wade in this vein before? How had love hit him so quickly? He, Steve Jarvis, the Hawthorne stud, had fallen in love with A GUY and yet he felt no shame. How he hated to have to take Wade home! If they could only have spent the entire night together...and the next...and the next...what bliss! He wanted to drive to the top of the mountaincrest overlooking Hawthorne and shout out loud, the way the guy did on the diamond commercial on TV, where the pigeons scurried in the courtyard..."I LOVE THIS GUY! I LOVE WADE ENGLISH!"---shouted it for the entire world to hear. He wanted to share his enthusiasm with everyone he knew. Of course, he knew that was totally impossible, for as soon as word got back to Mrs. English, Wade's mom, there would be hell to pay! Damn! Why didn't the old battleaxe just melt in a pile, like the witch in "The Wizard Of Oz?

Steve drove past Hal's and Noah's, thinking briefly about how he had been so turmoiled over his feelings for Noah and about his long conversation about his feelings for Noah, to Noah's own brother, Hal. Steve had been a bit astonished by the way Hal, his best friend and almost brother, had responded when he told him about his homosexual notions about Noah. Hal was not shocked, but rather understanding. In another way, it's the way Steve expected Hal to take the news. Hal was the one person that was always extending acceptance. Had Steve told Hal he had robbed a bank, killed a guy, blown up a building, Hal would have still been his best friend. There was a bond between the two of them...not the way Steve had felt toward Noah, and certainly not the same kind of love he now had for Wade.

In a way, Steve was sorry that he and Hal had never found the same kind of epiphany that he had experienced with Wade earlier that day. He and Hal could've or would've been lovers for life. But Hal had enough problems in his life at the moment...Carolyn and the forthcoming baby. With the life that Steve hoped to live with Wade, baby dilemmas would never figure into their equation, thank God.

Dammit! Steve just HAD to tell someone about his newly found feeling of love. Noah was gone. Hal had left with Carolyn to God knows where? Randy and Tyler both had a strong hint of what had happened. He suddenly remembered calling Johnny, his cousin in New Hampshire, when he first wanted advice as to how to approach the "Noah situation". Johnny, of course, being happily married to a priest, Jeff, the two of whom had recently adopted twin boys, had not given Steve much encouragement about delving into a gay lifestyle, be it long-lived or short. But though Wade was of legal age, Noah was just seventeen. the age difference might give Johnny a different attitude toward the sudden change in Steve's preferential love life. Maybe he SHOULD call Johnny. Dammit, he HAD to share his happy news with SOMEONE! His parents? God, he'd forgotten about them! What the fuck would they think if they knew that almost overnight, or rather in a few short weeks, their one and only son, whom they expected to deliver to them a passel of grandchildren, had "crossed over" to the other side? Wow! That was going to take a heap of explaining...or SHOULD he even tell his parents?

Steve parked his car in front of his house, got out whistling, walked in the door, hugged his dad and gave his mother a kiss on the cheek. Both parents were dumbfounded. Steve hadn't showed this much outward emotion toward them since he was twelve years old and had received a rifle for his birthday. He almost skipped up the stairs to his bedroom. His mother stopped him before he entered.

"Steve?"

"Yes, Mom?"

"Have you been drinking?"

"No, Mom."

Then more deliberately, she asked, "Steve, have you been taking drugs?"

"Good Lord, no, Mom!"

"No pot?"

"No!"

"No crack or cocaine or smack or whatever drugs are popular these days."

"No, Mom...but I wouldn't deny that I'm filled with ecstasy!"

"I thought so," Mrs. Jarvis said, accusingly.

"Not the illegal kind...spiritual ecstasy!" Steve said, smiling at her. He hopped back down the stairs and gave her another kiss, this time on the other cheek. "I'll tell you all about it, Mom, real soon. But please, don't worry. It's all good."

"My Lord!" Mrs. Jarvis, suddenly said, "You're engaged!"

"What's that?" his father added. "Steve's engaged? Hallelujah!"

"Mom...Dad...I'm not engaged, but I DO have someone new in my life... well, not exactly new, but new in a different way. Now that's all I'm gonna say for now...just be happy for me."

"Can you, at least, give us a hint who she is?"

"I'll give you one clue...one of the initials is 'E'." He went back up the stairs, this time making it to his room, closing the door behind him, leaving behind him a cloud of unspoken questions.

His mother's mind started wondering out loud..."Evelyn Sales? Elizabeth Barton? Ellen McElroy? Eve Harris? 'E', 'E','E'" she kept repeating. Of course 'E' could be the last initial...Christine Elton? Yvonne Eastman?". To give her more clues, she picked up the Hawthorne telephone directory and began running her forefinger down the long list of "E" surnames, hoping to solve the mystery.

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Since Noah wasn't really supposed to report to school for his classes, he didn't officially let anyone of the instructors or the office staff know that he'd returned. He casually entered his dorm, sauntered down the hall and entered his old room. His roommate would be there for another three or four weeks. His room looked the same as he had left it at term's end, except for the musky odor that had accumulated during his two months' absence.

The ride back to Chattanooga hadn't been exhausting physically, but his thoughts and emotions had left him tired. He wanted to sleep. When Brian, his roommate, was present, both of them always slept in their boxers or briefs, but Noah, being alone, opted to sleep in the nude. It was August and it was hot. The air conditioning was working, but Noah opened a window, primarily to air out his room, but he preferred fresh air to filtered artificial air. His window faced Signal Mountain. He had a special spot on the mountain where he and occasionally a classmate would go to study or just get away to enjoy nature or to lie and dream. Noah decided that he would go there the next morning by himself.

In spite of losing his virginity, he had a tinge of guilt over the way he had "teased" Steve and when the moment arrived when he could've HAD Steve, he had chosen not to. Sex with Wade had been fun as far as it went, but since both of them were totally inexperienced, Noah couldn't help but wonder what the same session would have been like had it been with Steve instead of Wade.

Having had his first sex, Noah lay in bed thinking if he would look at his roommate, Brian, with new eyes. Neither of them had ever hinted at having sex together. For that matter, neither of them had ever seen the other masturbate. Both seemed to find a private moment for solo intimacy while the other was out of the room.

Brian showed no outward sign of being gay, but, of course, two teens didn't have to be gay to engage in a little horseplay. What would Brian say or do if he knew about Noah's afternoon with Wade? The two roommates had never discussed the subject of homosexuality, even though Noah knew that he himself was gay. Was it possible that Brian would turn out to be homophobic if ever the topic arose? Could he accept living with or sharing a room with a gay buddy? Then again, what if Brian turned out to be the "one in five"? This thought made Noah laugh out loud.

The next morning, he skipped breakfast in the commons and walked to a nearby McDonald's to pick up three breakfast sausage burritos and a large coffee to go. With the white "McBag" in hand he hitched a ride to the top of Signal Mountain with a Mrs. McElhaney who was going to the Alexian Bros. nursing home to visit her dad who was suffering from Alzheimer's.

Noah rode all the way to the nursing home since it was in the direction of his destination, his favorite place, Signal Point, a cliff on the side of the mountain overlooking a vast valley of green trees. There were huge flat rocks there to walk on or sit on. Less than 150 years ago, cannonballs had been shot over Chattanooga's Lookout Mountain toward Missionary Ridge on the east and even toward Signal Mountain on the north. "The Battle Above The Clouds", it was called...and this place, Signal Point, had to be the prettiest spot of all.

By now, Noah's burritos were cold and his coffee only lukewarm, but that didn't seem to bother him as he overlooked the terrain beneath him and sensed the peace he always had found there. He was there alone for nearly a half hour before another person intruded his privacy. A handsome, blonde, young man, looking to be between 25 and 30 years old, dressed in jeans and a summer-knit shirt and sneakers with no socks, accidentally kicked a small pebble and the slight noise behind him startled Noah.

"Good morning," the stranger spoke to Noah, who was sitting on one of the flat rocks.

"Morning," Noah replied.

"It's lovely here, isn't it?" the stranger observed.

"Yes, it's my favorite spot in all creation," Noah replied.

"Have you seen much of the world?" the stranger inquired.

"I'm afraid not. I've spent nearly all my life in the Carolinas and had never been anywhere else until I came to school at Baylor."

"Oh, you're a student?"

"Yep, a senior."

"Have classes started already?"

"No, I went home for the summer and suddenly missed this place and decided to return a few weeks early."

"Do you plan on going to college?"

"Yeah, I'm thinking about Tulane or Vanderbilt."

"Have you chosen a major?"

"I think so."

"Do you mind my asking?"

"No, I want to study philosophy and religion."

"In hope of becoming...? A teacher, maybe?"

"No, I'm gonna be a priest."

"Roman Catholic?"

"No, Anglican," Noah said. "You DO know what that is, don't you?"

"You mean old Henry the Eighth's church?"

"Some people call it that. I'm not one of them, though."

"You know why people call it that, don't you?"

"Of course--the Pope in Rome wouldn't allow him to get a divorce, so King Henry broke away from the Catholic Church and began his own."

"I see that you're well versed in your religion," the stranger said, smiling. "Oh, by the way, my name is Steve...Steve Duncan."

Hearing the name, Steve, caused Noah's mind to leapfrog back through time and space.

"Nice to meet you, Steve, I'm Noah Carson," he uttered.

"It's nice to meet you, too, Noah."

"Do you come to Signal Point often?" Noah asked.

"Maybe twice a week. I drive my car to the Alexian Brothers Village and jog down to the point and back."

"You live on Signal Mountain?"

"Oh, no. Like you, I guess, I just enjoy coming here. It's sort of one of my favorite places, too."

"Do you work? I mean, do you have a job that lets you drive all the way up here and jog?"

"Yes," Steve chuckled, "I'm not on welfare and I'm not looking for a job. I have a position where I can usually set my own hours in the morning."

"Do you mind my being nosy and asking what you do?"

"I don't mind, but I'm afraid you won't believe it when I tell you."

"Go ahead, try me," Noah said.

"Well, I'm a priest...an Anglican priest."

"You're kidding!" The coincidence stopped him for a moment.

"I told you that you wouldn't believe me."

"It's just so...so..."

"Ironic?" Steve said, finishing Noah's sentence.

"Do you have your own church?"

"Not really a church. It's more like a mission."

"Where?"

"Out on Hixson Pike."

"I don't know of a mission out there...especially an Anglican mission."

"We...we sorta keep to ourselves. It's a special project funded by the diocese."

"What do you do?"

"I counsel and oversee a center for young people who have contracted AIDS, HIV, Hepatitis C, and I have some incurable cancer patients. We house them, monitor their medication, take them to hospitals for treatment, arrange their appointments, and give them whatever comfort and support they might need."

"Do...do the patients or your residents have to pay to go there?"

"Most of them are on disability and we manage to get them medicaid, Medicare or whatever government funding they might be qualified to receive. Then they pay a portion of their checks...whatever they can afford. They pay on a graduated scale, depending on the size of their income."

"How many people live there?"

"At present, we house around sixty, but we have many, many more who come for a day care program."

"Gosh, why haven't I heard of it?"

"We try to maintain as much confidentiality as possible. I don't want to offend, but we ARE living under a conservative administration in Washington and having something as serious as AIDS or HIV is something none of our clients wants to be broadcast."

"Do you have volunteers who assist you?"

"Dozens...most of them are gay. There are three or four gay bars in the city where our volunteers can sign up if they wish to do so."

"Do you have any...say...seventeen or eighteen year old volunteers?"

"You mean...like your age, for example?" His insight homed in on the obvious.

"Well...yes."

"We have some who are even younger than you."

"I...I've never been to a gay bar in my life. How does one go about becoming a volunteer if one can't sign up in a gay bar?"

"Are you offering to become a volunteer?"

"Not exactly...but--just maybe."

"You're not bigoted or holding a grudge against gay people, are you?"

"No, no, nothin glike that. My parents are Democrats and taught me and my brother, Hal, to be open minded to EVERY kind of person."

"Then when and IF you decide to volunteer, I'm going to give you my number and you can give me a call. I can understand you're being reticent about going to sign up at a gay bar, being that you're a high school senior."

"Oh, I'm much more mature than just a high school senior. I'm OLD for my age."

Steve laughed. "I can see that and I've only just met you."

Steve was wearing a zipper pouch leather waistband and opened it to retrieve his wallet. He took out a business card and handed it to Noah.

Noah read the card, "Zephyrhaven...I like that name."

"I'm glad that you do. We had a 'name-the-facility' contest among the residents and that was the name that won."

"A patient named it?"

"Yes."

"How long ago?"

"A little over a year."

"Is the patient still there?"

"No...he...he left us about a month later," Steve replied, hiding something behind his blue eyes.

"He got well and left?"

"He...he didn't get well and he left."

"Oh," Noah said, seeing that his inquiry had taken him into the wrong direction. "I'm sorry, Steve...or should I call you 'Father'?"

"No, everyone at Zephyrhaven calls me 'Steve'."

"Then, I will, too."

"I...uh, didn't see a car parked nearby. How did you get up here?"

"Thumbed."

"Do you need a ride back down the mountain or are you planning to stay longer?"

"I'd love a ride...if it's on your way."

"There's only one main road down and it goes right by Baylor...so it's not at all out of my way."

"I'd appreciate it."

"Come on then, I suppose I SHOULD get to work!"

Noah stood up and took one long last look at the view, then realized that he would have to walk or jog with Steve back to the village. That would give him a longer time to get to know Steve.

Noah was attracted to Steve the moment their eyes met. Noah had never heard of "gaydar" even though he had just experienced it. Wouldn't it be wonderful if Steve was "one out of five" and had no steady boyfriend? Noah aimed to find out on his way to Steve's car.

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(To be continued in "Hawthorne Awakening" Part Ten.)