All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now.
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Hawthorne Awakening
by
Ritch Christopher
Part Three
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Tuesday night, the phone rang at Steve Jarvis' house.
"Hello?" Steve answered.
"Steve?"
"Noah?"
"Yes."
"How're ya doin', buddy?"
"Fine. What are you doing?"
"Nothin' much."
"I was wondering if we could meet and talk?"
"Sure! Where are you?"
"The Motel 7 in Greenport?"
"What the hell are you doing there?"
"I'm in room 218, if you can drive over here."
"Well, sure, but what's this all about?"
"I'll tell you when you get here."
"All right, but it'll be nearly an hour before I get there."
"That's okay. Take your time."
"You're ALL RIGHT, aren't you?"
"Yes, but I'll be better once you get here."
Steve hung up the phone. His parents had gone to play cards at the Powell house and he was all alone. The day before, he had tried calling his cousin Johnny in Mackintosh, New Hampshire, but had only spoken briefly to some guy who had told him that he was the father of Johnny's children. This comment had confused and startled Steve so he slammed the receiver down without getting the chance to talk with Johnny. Steve decided to take a chance and dial the number once more and hopefully, Johnny would answer this time.
"Hello?"
"Johnny?"
"Yes?"
"This is Steve."
"Pardon, Steve who?"
"Steve Jarvis, your cousin in Hawthorne."
"Good heavens. This is a bit of a surprise. Is everything all right with your mom and dad?"
"They're both fine."
"That's good to hear. My...uh...other half said that you had called earlier and you were the only Steve Jarvis that I know. I really couldn't understand your calling me unless there was a death in the family or something."
"No, no deaths."
"Well, what can I do for you, Steve?"
"I need to talk to someone about a problem and I knew that you used to run the crisis center in Summerville and I thought you'd be the person I'd best talk to."
"Steve, you're not suicidal, are you?"
"ME! Fuck, no!...At least not yet!"
"So what is this big problem that only I can talk to you about?"
"I don't know where to begin," Steve said. "I guess I should start by offering you an apology."
"For what?"
"Oh, the way I've always kept a distance from you. You never kept it a secret that you were quee...that you were gay."
"No, I didn't."
"I, just like the rest of the family, never wanted to have anything to do with you after we all found out...and then, when your mother died and we had to meet face-to-face...well, I didn't have much to say to you, even then."
"That's all right, Steve. That's blood under the bridge."
"Maybe...but now I want to tell you that I'm sorry."
"Your apology is accepted, Steve. Now, what's your problem?"
"I have a problem that only you can understand."
"Well, if you suddenly tell me that you're gay now, I'll find that difficult to believe."
"It WOULD be difficult to believe at that, wouldn't it?" Steve said, after a pause.
"Is THAT what you're trying to tell me?"
"Oh, no! I haven't changed my ways. I still fuck every girl who'll spread her legs."
"Then, what is it?"
"I...I...Well, there's this kid...a boy, he's seventeen or eighteen years old and, well, his brother's my best friend."
"And?"
"Well, this kid...this boy seems to think he has a crush on me."
"He's gay?"
"He thinks he is, although he swears he's never had sex with anyone."
"And he wants you to be his first?"
"Something like that."
"Oh, boy," Johnny sighed.
"I know."
"You're not going to do it, are you?"
"I have no intention of doing it."
"That's a relief. Sex, the first time, with anybody can be very traumatic or very enjoyable. It should be special for him. Knowing you and your reputation, Steve, he'd just be another notch in your belt when you got through."
"Johnny, I don't feel that way about him."
"What do you mean?"
"I...I have special feelings for him. I...I care about him."
"That's still treading on dangerous ground, Steve. Do you want to break the kid's heart just to add him to your list of conquests?"
"No. I know how you feel about me and everything you say is or could be true. It's just that..."
"What?"
"Could a guy like me ever love another guy? Can a person change that way?"
"It depends on the individual, but you've never shown me anything to indicate you could feel that way about someone who's the same sex as you."
"Do you see now why I called you?"
"I'm beginning to."
"I really DO care about him. I care about him so much, it's bothering me. I think about him when I go to bed at night."
"And you're sure this is just not some way of getting his cherry and dropping him?"
"Hell, no! I could've had sex with him several times. But something kept stopping me. I wanted him...but I didn't want him."
"In other words, you LIKED being his friend so long as it didn't resort to something physical? Is that it?"
"Not really! Ah, shit, Johnny! When I jerk off at night, he's all I think about and it's scaring the hell out of me. And besides, you know goddamned well how the people in Hawthorne know everything that happens to everybody. You know how the whole town feels about quee...gay people!"
"Only too well, Steve."
"Yes, and I'm one of them...I've always been just like them."
"And now?"
"I don't feel that way any more...at least not since I've been around Noah."
"That's his name? Noah?"
"Noah Carson. His brother Hal has been my best friend all my life."
"Have you talked with Hal about this?"
"Fuck NO! He'd probably get a gun and shoot me and Noah, both."
"Then Hal has no idea of how his brother feels about you?"
"Maybe."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, Noah, he talked about me in his sleep, about wanting me to hold him, and he said he loved me, and Hal heard him."
"Wow! And now your predicament is coming to a head?"
"Johnny? Could you just forget for a moment that I'm your cousin; try to think that I'm just a stranger who called you in the night, like those that you used to talk with at the crisis center?"
"I'll try."
"Then, as a stranger, would you tell me to take Noah to bed or not?"
"To what end, Steve? For what purpose?"
"Aw shit! Do I have to spell it out for you? I need to know if I'm gay or not!"
"And if you're NOT, and you get angry with Noah...or disgusted, and leave him in a lurch? What would that do to Noah?"
"Like you said--break his heart, I suppose."
"Then why do it?"
"Because...because...GODDAMMIT! I think I'm in love with him! THERE! I said it!"
"Steve, I SHOULD be bitter by the way you've shunned me and avoided me all our lives. I should be angry for the names you called me and for all the jokes I've been the butt of, but I won't. Although I'm sure neither you, nor the rest of your family, would ever approve, I have a lifetime companion. We had twin sons. My partner is a priest, a man of God, and we love each other as much as any heterosexual couple ever could. Yes, I know how it feels to love another man. I've never felt the insides of a woman's vagina. I've never felt a woman's breast or her compassionate kiss...but I have known Jeff's. Sex is not like a disease like alcohol or drug addiction, although sex can be addictive. With sex, you can't just 'get the cure' and change your habit, like going from Jack Daniel's to straight Coca-Cola. What makes it even worse is that there's another person's feelings involved. He or she is not like an old empty whiskey bottle that you throw away when all good times are gone."
"You're tellin' me NOT to do it?"
"Truthfully? No!"
"Then what should I do?"
"Talk with him. Get to know him. Find out why he feels the way he does about you. Find out if you could love him if NO sex was ever going to happen between the two of you. If he wants you to love him, then LOVE him, but don't fuck him and both of you regret it later. I talked to too many kids who lost their virginity to some sex bounty hunter, just before they cut their wrists, took an overdose of pills, or blew their brains out with a pistol. Is that the kind of memory you want to garner for the rest of your life?"
"No."
"Then think about it, Steve! For the first time in your life, think of somebody's feelings above your own."
"You don't think it possible that I could turn gay?"
"Not really."
"But what if I DID?"
"I'd still want you to talk with him and get to know all about him first. Let me ask--have you kissed him?"
"Good God, no!"
"Does kissing a man seem so repulsive to you?"
"Sorta..."
"But fucking his ass, doesn't?"
"I haven't fucked his ass."
"Maybe not, but you're sure as hell thinking about it, aren't you?"
"I don't know, Johnny. You see, just before I called you, Noah called me and asked me to meet him at a motel."
"Are you going?"
"Should I?"
"To talk with him, yes...to jump his bones, no! Steve, how many times have you been in love?"
"None, really."
"You've never said, 'I love you', to any girl?"
"No, I haven't."
"And how many girls have you screwed?"
"Hell, I don't know! Hundreds! More than my friend, Hal."
"And of all the girls you screwed, how many of them did you go steady with? How many of them got a second date with you?"
"None of 'em, unless I was horny."
"Jesus Christ, Steve! Listen to your own confession! Not one girl has ever meant enough to you to tell her that you loved her?"
"I guess not."
"Then why ruin this kid's first chance at happiness? Why screw him and let him slice his throat with a butcher knife when he finds out you won't be calling him or needing him again?"
"You think that's what he might do?"
"That's what thousands of kids do every night...boys and girls."
"All right, I'll go meet him and talk with him...NOTHING MORE... just TALK with him."
"That's a good beginning."
"Thanks, Johnny, for telling me like it is."
"You called, you asked, and I answered. I probably didn't say what you wanted to hear, but I had to be honest with you."
"I appreciate that, Johnny."
"That's okay."
"Can I call you again?"
"Sure, Steve, anytime. I know our family relationship has been somewhat strained over the years, but we are kin and I'll be glad to talk with you whenever you call."
"Thanks. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Steve."
Steve sat silently in his chair for a long time before he placed the receiver back in its cradle. He was glad he had talked with Johnny, but he found himself more intimidated by the thought of facing Noah in a motel room. He raised his arm to get a whiff of his pit and decided he would prolong his meeting with Noah by showering and changing his clothes.
He went into the bathroom to turn the hot water of the shower full force before he stripped to bathe. He stood in the shower with his back to the nozzle and let the water pulsate on the taut muscles in the back of his neck. He washed his entire body with shampoo while a large amount of suds accumulated in his groin area. He lowered his right hand, but was not surprised to learn that he had a larger than life erection bulging in his fist. He thought if he could masturbate two or three times in a row, then all sexual tension would be dissolved once he encountered Noah. Slowly, he began to move his foreskin up and down to hurry his first ejaculation. He almost began to cry when he discovered that all his sexual fantasies involved Noah's firm muscular body. He wanted Noah. He had to have him...Johnny be damned!
Steve didn't reach an orgasm at all. He was too upset. He kept asking himself why Noah had rented a motel room. He knew damned well, but he didn't want to admit it. How could he betray his own masculinity and his vast affinity for a woman's vagina for another guy's--a kid's at that--penis? He knew that the first time he touched Noah or Noah touched him, every bad thing he'd ever said about queers would be thrown back in his own face!
He dressed, clumsily, nervously trying to button a new shirt. His hands were shaking. He didn't HAVE to go meet Noah, he told himself. There were thousands of excuses he could use, as he'd so often excused himself from asking a girl out on a second date. But Noah was sitting alone in another small town near Hawthorne, waiting eagerly for his arrival. It took him almost two hours to arrive at Motel 7, after his talk with Johnny, his shower, and driving slowly, his heart pounding.
Nearly all the parking spaces at the motel were full, as this was a favorite "fuck" motel for anyone who had no other place to go with his girlfriend. He parked, cut off his lights, and crept out of the car, looking around carefully to make sure no one noticed him or his car. He went up the metal staircase to the second landing and tapped lightly on the red fire door of room #218.
"Steve?" Noah whispered through the door as he opened it as far as the chain latch would permit.
"Yeah."
Noah opened the door and Steve entered.
"I was so worried. You said you'd be here in an hour and I was worried that you'd wrecked your car or something."
"No, I had a few chores to do before I could drive over here to Greenport."
"I'm glad that you came," Noah said.
"So, what's up? Why the mystery? What are you doing in a motel room in Greenport, for God's sake?"
"So that I could do this!" Noah said as he sprung toward Steve, putting his arms around Steve's neck, and quickly pressing his lips onto Steve's.
At first, Steve's manly instincts countered his feelings and he reached for Noah's hands to remove them from his neck and pry himself away from the kiss.
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" Steve said, "Not so fast. I don't know if I'm ready for all this."
"Steve, I love you," Noah blurted out, waiting to hear Steve's reply.
"Noah, PLEASE! STOP IT! You don't know what you're sayin' and I'm not sure if I wanna hear it!"
"Steve, I KNOW you feel something for me! Why else would you have invited me out two nights in a row...without HAL?"
"I don't know, Noah. I've asked myself that a dozen times since Saturday."
"Steve, I want you to hold me. I want you to make love to me."
"Now wait, Noah, I can't do that. I'm straight and you damned well know it!"
"We can turn the lights out and you can pretend I'm a girl."
"That might be all right for a few seconds until I felt a big cock poking me in front. That'd be the end of my pretending."
"Not for me."
"How did you get down here and what made you rent a motel room? Did you have a fight with your folks or somethin'?"
"I borrowed Mom's car and told them I was going to Eddie George's to spend the night."
"Who's Eddie George?"
"No one. I made him up. I told Mom that Eddie was a classmate from Baylor and his folks were driving to Florida and they were holding up in Greenport for the night."
"And she believed you? She let you come spend the night with Eddie George?"
"Hook, line, and sinker!"
"Well, how'd you know that you would reach me and I would come down to join you?"
"I hoped you had the same feelings for me that I have for you."
"AND that I couldn't resist you? Is that it?"
"Yes."
"Noah, we need to talk."
"Okay, but could we talk lying down?"
"No."
"Please."
"All right, but no hanky-panky."
Steve hadn't noticed that Noah was only wearing a robe when he opened the door. Noah walked over to the bed and threw back the bedspread and top sheet. Next, he removed his robe to reveal he was only wearing a pair of boxer shorts. Noah turned off the bed lamp and lay down on the far side of the bed and extended his left arm and hand for Steve to join him.
"Don't you wanna take off your clothes?" Noah asked.
"NO!"
"At least take off your pretty new shirt so that it won't get wrinkled. It IS new, isn't it?"
Steve was almost embarrassed by letting Noah know that he had worn his new duds especially for him.
"All right, my shirt, but I'm leavin' my pants on!"
Steve removed his shoes, socks, and shirt and placed it on the big brown Naugahyde chair next to the window. His chest was smooth. He didn't shave it, just no hair grew there. He did his best to flex his pectorals, knowing how solidly virile Noah's chest muscles were. Noah rolled over on his left side as if he wanted Steve to spoon him. Steve complied by assuming the position but made certain that his crotch did not touch Noah's buttocks. He tried to leave three or four inches of space between their lower bodies. Noah reached for Steve's arm and placed it across his own arm and chest.
"Now, let's talk," Noah whispered.
"Noah, we shouldn't be doin' this," Steve began.
"But who's gonna know?"
"You and me. That's who."
"Tell me the truth, don't you like lying here like this, holding me?"
"No, I don't. I can't relax."
"Why?"
"Dozens of reasons. We're both guys. You're younger than me. Your brother is my best friend. How's that for starters?"
"But doesn't it mean anything to you when you know how much I want to be near you?"
"Noah, no doubt when you go back to military school in the fall, you'll find some nice guy your own age, and you'll hit it off and the both of you will be real happy."
"But I don't want another guy. I want you."
"I really think I should get up and go home, just as you should."
"If I said 'yes', would you do me a favor?" Noah asked.
"That depends."
"It's nothing much."
"All right, what is it?"
"Would you let me put my hand down your pants and let me feel it?"
Steve knew that the request could never be granted because his lying next to Noah had made his cock hard as a lump of coal.
"Of course not!"
"All right, will you just let me see it?"
"Noah, this is embarrassing and our situation is getting out of hand."
"I wonder what Hal would say if he knew you'd met me in a motel?"
"Oh, you're gonna resort to blackmail now, are you?"
"If I have to."
"All right, what will it take to please you, so that I can go home?"
"One look."
"That's all?"
"That's all."
"Okay, but I don't want you getting no crazy ideas. You see, lying here like this, holding you in the dark made me kinda feel like I was with a woman. So I'm afraid I have a hard on...but YOU didn't give it to me. Got that?"
"Sure, let me turn on the bedlam and take a look at it."
"ONE LOOK! REMEMBER?"
"I promise."
Noah reached over Steve's body and flipped the light switch on the lamp, then returned to his side of the bed for Steve's "unveiling". Because of his erection, Steve was having one hell of a time lowering his trousers below "dick level". His zipper wasn't completely unzipped which added to his difficulty. Noah reached for the zipper tab and completed the job. With a huge push, Steve lowered both his pants and shorts at the same time to mid-thigh. Noah observed the motion like a child watching a gold fish in a bowl for the first time. Steve's penis made a slapping sound as it flopped against his lower abdomen. Never had Noah seen a more beautiful specimen of manhood in his life, as Steve's cock was a sight of perfection. His testicles so round and full. Soft, dark brown hair enveloped Steve's entire crotch area. It took every ounce of Noah's strength to keep from grabbing his phallic idol and worshipping it with his hands and mouth.
Steve sensed what Noah was thinking and feeling and, for a split second, he almost said, 'If you want it, take it." but decided against it because who knew where THAT would lead?
"Seen enough?" Steve finally asked.
"For now."
"Good! Can I put my clothes on and leave now?"
"Yes."
Steve pulled up his trousers and refastened them. Then he put on his socks, shoes, and shirt. He went into the tiny bathroom to look into the mirror and comb his hair. Noah hadn't moved. He was still in bed.
"You gonna go home now, too?" Steve asked him.
"No, I gotta stay here the rest of the night with Eddie George so Mom won't get suspicious."
"Are you gonna be able to go to sleep?"
"Maybe after I jerk off a time or two, thinking about you."
"Noah, please! You're creating a block in our friendship. I can't let anything happen between us."
"Steve, you said you were being honest with me."
"Yes."
"Then tell me one more thing and answer honestly."
"What is it?"
"When you jerked off the past night or two, have I been in your fantasies?"
"Damn! You won't give up, will you?"
"Well, have I been in your fantasies or not?"
"What if I said, 'yes'?"
"Then I'd say I have a chance to have you."
"And if I said, 'no'?"
"I'd keep trying."
Frustrated as he was, it took every emotional fiber in Steve to keep from going over to Noah, kissing him, ripping off his clothes, and making love to him all night. Steve finally said goodnight and closed the door behind him where he rested his aching head for a few moments to gather his thoughts--and gain some control over his manhood. God, how he loved that kid! But for the first time in his life, Steve had listened and taken heed from his cousin Johnny, who had told him to wait and see...and that's just what Steve planned to do...wait and see.
<><><><><><><><><>(To be continued in Part Four)