Hawthorne Awakening

All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now.

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Hawthorne Awakening

by

Ritch Christopher

Part Twelve

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Discouraged by his phone call to Zephyrhaven, Noah walked slowly and dejectedly back to his room. He lay on his bed and played back the phone conversation in his head. Why would the young woman lie? After all, she HAD answered the phone using the same business name, "Zephyrhaven". She wouldn't have misinformed Noah about the AIDS and HIV residential program because for all she knew, Noah might be in desperate need of help, medication, or housing. He was depressed and tense. Maybe a quick jerk off would lift his spirits. He stood up and took all his clothes off...everything...and lay back down to let his memory bank of the lust he had felt for Fr. Steve take over his psyche.

With one hand he cupped his scrotum, while with the other, he grabbed his penis firmly...but nothing happened. The desire he'd had for Steve for the past few days was all but gone. After minutes of frustration, he tried to focus on his episode with Wade back in Hawthorne...still nothing. Steve Jarvis, the other Steve, met with the same result. Never in his life had he had the problem of mounting an instant erection...until today...NOW! What the fuck was going on? Seventeen-year-old guys shouldn't need Viagra and such. He knew damned well that no other guy in his dorm would have an erectile dysfunction medication.

Noah used every masturbatory fantasy he could fathom...boys at school, boys at home, movie stars...Heath, Brad, Colin, Leonardo, Johnny...ALL seemed to fail him. Out of sheer desperation he tried to fantasize having oral, anal, or regular sex with a girl. That was a complete failure as he expected it to be. RUINED AT SEVENTEEN! His sex life was over just when it was about to flourish. It was August and hot, but it was not the temperature that caused sweat to bead all over Noah's body. It was caused mostly by nerves and fear.

'God damn! Steve Duncan!' Noah thought. 'Just who was he and why had he lied or played such a vicious trick on him?'

Noah had been in such deep thought, he failed to lock his door before lying down. Suddenly, Gary Norwood, a kid who dormed on the first floor, came rushing into Noah's room.

"Hey, Noah!" Gary exclaimed as he entered, then seeing Noah's muscular naked body on the bed, Gary added without thinking, "Oh wow! I mean, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were...well, I didn't know that..."

Noah sat up quickly, covering his flaccid penis, and barked, "What do you want, Gary?"

Gary was still intrigued and attracted to Noah's nakedness and replied, "Huh?"

"What did you come busting in here like that for?"

"OH! OH! You have a phone call at the desk!" Gary sputtered. "It's some guy."

"Couldn't you have knocked first?" Noah asked, still angry, but he had begun to put on a pair of cutoffs and a t-shirt.

"I said I was sorry. I mean, how was I to know. Heck, I always lock my door when I beat off."

"I wasn't beating off, asshole, I took my clothes off to try to get cooler."

"Oh, then I don't feel so bad then," Gary replied.

Gary had no idea of the trouble Noah had just experienced trying to "get it up". Also, since Noah had no sign of a boner or a semi, his remark about not masturbating would stand up if Gary decided to tell anyone in the dorm that he'd caught Noah. Thank heaven for small favors...VERY small.

As Noah donned his loafers without socks, the idea occurred to him, 'The call MUST be from Fr. Steve! Of course! Steve was calling to straighten everything out and solve the mystery. Steve would have the movie picked out and the place that he and Noah would eat either before or after the show.'

As soon as Noah decided it was Steve calling, he instantly got an erection. Whew! That settled that major problem for Noah. He couldn't wait to get back to his room to have his long sought after orgasm for the afternoon.

Excitedly, with much anticipation, Noah hopped down two flights of stairs, three steps at a time and hurried to the phone to hear the voice of his expected 'date'.

"Hello?" Noah, all but yelled.

"Noah?" the voice asked.

"Yeah...Steve? You don't sound like yourself."

"I'm not Steve Jarvis, knucklehead."

"I know, you're Steve Duncan!"

"Noah, what the fuck's wrong with you, this is Hal!"

"Hal, my brother?"

"How many Hal's do you know that calls you asshole?"

"HAL! Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry," Noah replied, regaining his senses.

"Who's Steve Duncan?"

"Oh...he's one of my teachers," Noah, quickly lied.

"And you call him by his first name?"

"Well, he was my teacher LAST year and since school hasn't really started, we sometimes call each other on a first-name basis."

"I see."

"Hey, bro, where are you? Is Carolyn with you? Did you get hitched yet?"

"In order, Cleveland, Tennessee...no...and no."

"Cleveland? That's only thirty miles away. Whaddya mean Carolyn's not with you."

"She...she's just not. I knew I was only about half an hour away from you and I wanted to stop by and talk with you."

"Well, sure! Come on! Do you need directions on how to get here?"

"No, dummy, you forgot that I've driven you to school twice myself. I know the way."

"Then, hang up the phone and get on down here! I didn't get to say goodbye when I left Hawthorne."

"I'll see you in about forty-five minutes."

"Good, that'll give me a chance to shower and put on some fresh clothes. I'll meet you at the driveway entrance and we'll go get a bite to eat."

"Fine," Hal said, hanging up the phone.

The mystery of Carolyn's absence had taken the place of the vanishing Fr. Steve in Noah's mind as he hurried back to his room to clean up.

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"Hey Johnny, it's me, your cousin, Steve,"

As soon as Johnny heard Steve's voice on the phone, Johnny grimaced slightly as if to say, 'So? What do you want now and how much did you mess up that boy's life?', but Johnny held back his inclination and replied to Steve civilly, "Hey, guy! How's it going?"

"Great. How are the twins?" Steve asked.

"Growing bigger and louder every day."

"Are they, you know, the kind that look exactly alike?"

"Identical?"

"Yeah, that's the word."

"Identical from head to toe," Johnny said, "I hesitate asking why you called other than to ask about the twins."

"You're right, Johnny."

"Should I or shouldn't I ask about your relationship with that boy?"

"It's okay, you can ask."

"Is it still progressing? I hope nothing bad happened."

"Johnny, you were so worried about getting my jollies and running off and leaving him...well, none of that ever happened?"

"Don't tell me you grew a heart like the Tin Man?"

"Let's just say, he dumped me before I got the chance."

"That must have bruised your ego."

"No, no, Johnny, everything worked out better. I didn't know what attracted me to Noah. The night I called you and asked what I should do, I was confused and nervous as hell. But, I swear to you...remember how you made me promise not to hurt him? Well, I didn't!"

"I assume the 'hetero' side of your brain brought you back to your normal self. You discovered that you liked girls all along, huh?"

"You know I fucked hundreds of girls here in Hawthorne, but Johnny for the first time in my life, I'm honestly in love."

"Out of all the hundreds you tried, how did you decide upon just one? What makes this one so special?"

Steve laughed, "Oh, many things I suppose. Two, primarily. First, she has a dick and secondly, her name is Wade."

"Steve, I don't know whether to believe you or not. You fell in love with a guy?"

"Sure did."

"And you slept with him, had sex, and everything?"

"The whole kit and caboodle! Johnny, I'm gay!"

"Jesus, let me sit down," Johnny joked. "And how did you come to this conclusion. I mean when I knew you, you were out to break a record on how many women of the world you'd have in your lifetime."

"Yeah, Johnny, but don't you see? That's why I couldn't find just ONE to satisfy me. I mean, hell, we'd have sex. I'd shoot her the works and then I'd be through with her. I never really cared about a single girl I ever fucked. It never occurred to me that I might like guys. I mean Hal and I were inseparable and I never looked at him that way. I realize now I should've. Randy and Tyler, my other two best buddies...well, hell, I just found out they've been goin' at each other like two hounds in heat for a long time. I didn't know about them either. But, then, this other guy who runs around with us...he's kind of a momma's boy, but not really. His momma would like for him to be...but I don't know. Wade came over to my house like he has hundreds of times and we sat in my bedroom and talked as usual. Then, something happened. One minute were we talkin' and the next minute we were wrapped up in each other's arms, huggin', kissin'...it was like some magic wand or somethin' had hit us, neither of us could control ourselves. Johnny, I never felt that way before...NEVER! But, now, I don't want to ever let him go. I want to hold him, work for him, take care of him for the rest of our lives."

"Steve, I swear to God, if you're pulling my leg about all this, I'll never speak to you as long as I live," Johnny warned.

"Listen, Johnny, I ain't kiddin', guy! I love...yes, I actually LOVE Wade English."

"Then all I can say is how happy I am for you and congratulations. Steve, I still find all of this difficult to believe."

"YOU? You oughta be livin' it."

"I've been there, Steve. I know how it felt when I met Jeff. He's all I wanted for the rest of my life. It's the greatest feeling in the world to have someone," Johnny said. "But wait, how does Wade feel about you?"

"He loves me, Johnny, only we're about to have the wrath of God descend upon us."

"How so?"

"His mother is very strong, VERY conservative, VERY, VERY religious and she's gonna cause trouble for Wade and me."

"He's not a kid, is he?"

"No, he's nineteen, but she treats him like he was nine. Would you believe when I went over to his house to see him, she had him padlocked in his room."

"Good Lord, she sounds maniacal."

"Wade loves me, but he's scared of her." Steve paused before he began to tell Johnny the real reason he had called. "You see, Johnny, we were hoping we could get out of town for a little while until things calmed down."

Johnny got the message. "And you were thinking about a trip to New Hampshire?"

"Well, maybe not that far...but, yeah, New Hampshire might be nice in the fall."

"So, Steve, are you hinting or asking if you and Wade can come for a visit?"

"Well, not a real visit. I know you and Jeff don't have much room with the two new babies and all. I mean, it's not cold out yet and we could stay in your garage or basement if you've got one."

"Steve, how much do you know about Mackintosh, New Hampshire?"

"Nothing except that's where you and Jeff live."

"Steve, it's a rather unusual but wonderful place. Ninety-five percent of our residents are gay. Most of them have or have had AIDS or HIV. They come here to get away...to hide...to get well...to die."

"Good Lord, Johnny!"

"I just wanted to prepare you before you decided to visit."

"Well, hell, I'm gay, too, now."

Johnny laughed, "Yes, I guess you are."

"But do you think it would be all right with Jeff? I really don't know him, nor he, me."

"Jeff would not object, believe me. I mean you and I are not quite alike but we are blood kin and family...and NO, there'll be no sleeping or lovemaking in our garage or basement. Besides, if the babies bother you, you can stay with Alex, Jeff's brother and his lover, Ted. They have lots of room and love guests. Ted used to be a big sports reporter in Los Angeles. He had an accident, so to speak, and he and Alex moved up here to be near Jeff."

"Are you sure we won't be in the way?"

"That's what everyone who comes to Mackintosh says to Jeff and me...hundreds of them! We can find a place for everyone who wants to come. Hell, I'll even find jobs for you and Wade and put you to work as soon as you want to start."

There was a long pause before Steve could reply. The lump in his throat left him speechless.

"Steve? Steve, are you still there?"

Steve's voice broke when he answered, "I...I'm still here. I guess I've changed a lot in the past few days because you just made me cry. We have years and miles separating you and me, but suddenly I feel closer to you than ever before."

Johnny started to cry. "Hey, buddy, now you've got me doing it. Now, listen, pack whatever you want to bring and leave tonight, if you can. If you and Wade decide to stop for the night on your way up here, call me and let me know where you are so I won't worry...but don't YOU worry...YOU OR WADE! Everything's going to be all right. I hope you like it here and decide to stay. Jeff has a huge family. His dad, his dad's lover, a bunch of guys from Jeff's hometown who call themselves, the Briarwood Boys, are like adopted brothers of Jeff's and mine, too. They come up to visit all the time. I think I should have at least one or two members of my family joining in..."

"Johnny, if you're sure..."

"Steve, I've never been so sure of anything in my life. You're welcome to come. I want you to."

Once again, Steve choked on his tears, "Johnny...I know you won't believe me...but I want to say, 'I love you'."

"I've never said it to you either, cousin, but I love you, too. Now, hang up and get both your asses up here!"

"I will, Johnny...and thanks." Steve replaced the receiver back into the cradle. He placed both hands on the phone for support as he broke down and cried aloud. He had never been so happy and for the first time, Steve felt as if everything WAS going to be all right. He felt a purpose in his life...a reason to live...a way to love...and its name was "Wade".

Slowly from the shadows of the next room, Tess Jarvis walked up behind her son and put her arms around his waist.

"Are you OK, son?" she asked.

"Yes, Mom, I am now. I...uh made a long distance call which I will pay you for."

"To New Hampshire?"

Steve nodded his head.

"I know, Steve, I couldn't help but hear your conversation with Johnny."

"You...you heard...everything?"

"Yes, son."

"...And you're not ashamed of me?"

"For what? For finding out about your true feelings? Half the world lives its life without knowing what they truly feel...about themselves, about the ones around them."

"I can't help but be embarrassed. I know it's not every mother's dream to find out that her son is...different."

"How could I know when you didn't know yourself?"

Steve turned to place his arms around his mother.

"I wondered for so long what was wrong with me," Steve said. "Why couldn't I settle down? Why was I so restless?"

"Do you have your answer now?"

"Yes, Mom, I think I do."

"Do you love him?" Tess' question was forward and embarrassed Steve. This was definitely not the kind of conversation he ever expected to have with his mother.

"Wade?"

"Uh huh," she replied, giving Steve a big hug.

"I know it sounds crazy, but I do, Mom. I love him."

"Have you told him?"

"Earlier today I did...when he was upstairs visiting."

"And does Wade have the same feelings for you?"

"He says so...and I believe him."

"And from what I heard, you're going to take him for a visit to Johnny's in New Hampshire, huh?"

"Yes, Mom."

"Then, go tell him. Make your plans together with my blessing."

"You mean it?"

"Steve, you're my only son. I'd love you if you brought a bullfrog home and told me you wanted to marry it."

"A BULLFROG?" Steve laughed.

"But...since you've chosen Wade, think how much better off we both are. At least with Wade as a son-in-law, I won't have to buy a supply of Compound W."

"Mom, you're the greatest!"

"Did you just find that out, too when you found out you were...dif..?"

Steve cut her off. "No, Mom, I was wrong. I'm not different. I'm gay. There! I said it out loud. I, Steven Nathaniel Jarvis am gay!"

This loud outburst from Steve brought Wade into the room. Wade couldn't believe his ears. Steve had just revealed his biggest secret to his mother and his mother was actually smiling. He stood frozen at the sight.

Steve looked over at his frightened lover and said, "Well, don't just stand there, come on over and give you mother-in-law a big hug!"

Wade still couldn't move.

"Dammit! He's shy, Mom! If he won't come to us, we'll go to him."

Steve took his mother's hand and walked over to stand in front of the silent Wade.

"Honey, don't be afraid. It's all right. I approve." Tess said to Wade. "Now, do I get a hug or not?"

"Yes, ma'am..." Wade managed to say as Tess put her arms around him.

"Wade, you've been coming around here for years. You're no stranger. It's just that you've suddenly become a member of my family," she said.

"Mrs. Jarvis...I..."

"Now, I never want you to call me Mrs. Jarvis ever again. It's Tess or Mom or MommaTess. You decide."

"Well, while he's making his mind up," Steve said, "I've got to go upstairs and start packing."

"What?" Wade asked, astonished.

"We're leaving for New Hampshire...tonight!"

"Tonight?"

"Johnny and Jeff are expecting us. Why don't you stay here and talk with Mom while I go upstairs and get started?" Steve ran upstairs, leaving a surprised Wade looking into Tess' eyes.

"...Uh...MommaTess..." Wade began. "I hope you're not..."

"Whatever it is you're trying to say...I'm not."

"But..."

"Wade, I only have to hear one thing from you."

"...What?"

"Do you love Steve?"

"...Yes, ma'am."

"And you promise me that you'll never hurt him?"

"I won't ma'am. I promise."

"That's all I needed to hear! Now get your tiny butt up the stairs and get ready to leave with Steve."

"I will..." Wade said as he stumbled over an ottoman. He went upstairs in a state of disbelief. Something wonderful had just happened and he hadn't completely been aware of it. As soon as he went into Steve's bedroom, Steve ran to him and covered Wade's mouth with his. Wade trembled before he sighed with relief.

'Could this be happening? Do dreams really come true?' Wade thought to himself during the kiss.

"I'm in love with you, little guy," Steve said to him.

"I...I can't believe it, but I'm in love with you, too."

"Come on, help me pack!" Steve said as he pulled two large suitcases from the ledge in his closet.

An hour later, the car was packed. Goodbyes were said and Steve and Wade were headed toward Mackintosh, New Hampshire.

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The brotherhood bond between Hal and Noah had always been overshadowed by Hal's close friendship with Steve. Noah was always the tagalong kid brother and whereas, Hal and Steve had shared the niceties of female companionship, Noah knew that he was gay but was too introverted to tell Hal.

True to his word, Hal arrived at the entrance to Baylor in forty-five minutes. Noah was still perplexed by Fr. Steve's odd behavior while Hal had problems of his own with his fiancée, Carolyn. Neither brother felt like sharing their troubling past few days, but they were brothers and maybe this would be their chance to draw closer to one another. Their greeting was a simple "hello" and a handshake when Noah got into Hal's car. They had never been the "hug" type to one another. Even a handshake seemed strained.

"So, how does it feel to be back at school?" Hal started the conversation as they drove toward downtown Chattanooga.

"It hasn't really started for me," Noah replied.

"Would you be sore if I asked why you came back so early?"

"I think you know the reason..."

"Do I?"

"Hal, don't play dumb with me. You know what was going on in Hawthorne."

"You mean that business with Steve?"

"Partly."

"There was more?" Hal asked.

"You were so busy running off every day to see Carolyn, you didn't take the time to see what was going on."

"You mean about your being gay?"

"Yes, about MY BEING GAY. I know damned well you were ashamed of me, but when your best friend...your best STRAIGHT friend started putting the make on me, well, that was a different story."

"Pardon my saying it, bro, but I thought it was the other way around."

"What?"

"I thought it was YOU putting the make on Steve."

"Whatever..."

"Well, which was it?"

"It doesn't matter. Nothing happened between us anyway."

"You mean you and Steve never hooked up?"

"We almost did...but I hooked up with Wade first."

"You did what?"

"You heard me."

"Wade English?"

"Yeah." Noah said.

Hal laughed out loud.

"What's so fucking funny?" Noah demanded.

"You wanna hear somethin' funny? REALLY funny?"

"Go ahead, make me laugh!"

"The day I left home, I called Steve."

"And?"

"You're gonna bust a gut, but Steve told me that he and Wade were gonna be a couple."

"You're lying!"

"Like hell, I am!" Hal chuckled. "Buddy boy, it looks to me that you left Hawthorne a day too soon."

"Hal, please be serious. Are you telling me the truth?"

"I swear to God."

"Fuck!"

Hal faded his laughter when he saw that Noah was deeply hurt. They kept driving; both remaining silent while the news sank into Noah's memory bank.

Finally, Noah looked at Hal and said, "OK, it's my turn to ask a question."

"OK."

"What happened between you and Carolyn? Where is she? I thought you were running off to get married."

"I did too, Noah."

"So?"

"It came down to whether to have the baby or not."

"You were marrying her just because she was pregnant? Didn't you love her?"

"I thought I did...but I was never really sure."

"So what happened?"

"I suggested that we drive to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, marry in one of those little chapels there, and spend our honeymoon in Gatlinburg and seeing the sights in the Smoky Mountains."

"And?"

"We made it to Gatlinburg just fine. We even drove up and down the main strip there picking out a wedding chapel and then all of a sudden she yelled, 'Stop the car! I can't do this!' I said, 'can't do what?' and she said, 'I can't have this baby. I don't want it!'. She told me she wasn't going to be tied down as a Hawthorne housewife with a lot of screaming kids. She said she was too young. She hadn't enjoyed her youth enough. I begged her to have the baby and let me have it. I would raise it on my own. It was my kid, too. Then, she jumped out of the car and screamed, 'I'm not stretching my figure out of shape by carrying a baby for nine months. I'm getting a fucking abortion and there's nothing you can do to stop me!' Then she ran up the street as fast as she could. By the time I found a parking place, she was gone. I looked in every shop, every restaurant, every place I could see and she was nowhere to be found. Noah, I wanted to cry. Granted, I didn't love her, but I loved our unborn kid. She was going to kill it and I couldn't stop her. I went back to my car and sat there thinking for over an hour and I decided that it was unfair for me to make her have the kid. I couldn't force her. So, I left."

"She's still in Gatlinburg?"

"I have no idea. I haven't seen her since," Noah said. "I drove on down to Knoxville and checked into a motel. I was too ashamed to go home after everyone expected us to come back married. I went to a liquor store and bought three fifths of Jack Daniels and went back to the motel and watched pay-for-view porn movies until I drank myself to sleep. I stayed there for three days in that motel room...never leaving to eat. I just drank, watched movies, and jerked off about a dozen times."

"So, that's the end of Carolyn?"

"It looks that way."

"What are you gonna do when you DO go back to Hawthorne?"

"I don't know if I'm goin' back. I knew that you were only about a hundred or so miles from Knoxville, so I decided to come down and see you and talk things out. Maybe the two of us could decide what I should do or where I should go."

"Isn't it kinda late in life for your asking for my advice?" Noah asked.

"Nope, no matter how old we get, we'll always be brothers."

Noah sloughed off Hal's remark.

"Hey, Noah, I'm really hungry. Where do you want to eat?"

"Anywhere, I'm not particular. How much money do you have?"

"It doesn't matter. I've got my Visa card. I charged the motel bill to it."

"Let's don't eat downtown. Let's go someplace out of Hamilton County city limits."

"What time do you have to be back?"

"No certain time...since I'm not officially back, yet."

"Where do you want to go?"

"Let's go get a quick snack like at the Krystal to ease your hunger and let's go to Atlanta."

"Are you serious?"

"Sure as shit!"

"It's a deal."

It was dark when they left the Krystal, each of them reeking with the smell of onions one could only get eating Krystal hamburgers. They got on I-75 and drove through Dalton, Georgia, then Calhoun. It was almost ten o'clock when they reached Marietta. Noah had fallen asleep by the time they passed through Carrollton. Marietta was the next stop before Atlanta. Hal reached over and shook Noah's shoulder.

"Hey, sport," he said, waking Noah. "You wanna go into Atlanta this late or do you want to stop in a motel while they're still serving dinner?"

"Whatever you want to do is all right with me, Hal. I really don't care."

Hal pulled his car off the Interstate before they entered Marietta and saw several large motels with full dining rooms. There was one motel appropriately named, "Tara" with tall southern columns. There was a large dining room and a smaller one called, "Mammy's Kitchen" featuring southern-fried chicken and fresh pecan pie.

Hal drove his car into "Tara's" parking lot, got out, went to the motel registry and got a room with two double beds and came back to get Noah and take him to "Mammy's". The aroma of the cooking made Noah realize how really hungry he was, too. The two brothers ate their fill of chicken, mashed potatoes, green peas, homemade biscuits and gravy, followed with a huge slice of pecan pie topped with vanilla ice cream. The food made both of them tired and they were ready for bed. They would make plans and drive into Atlanta tomorrow.

Hal grabbed his suitcase that contained his toiletries, shaving gear, and fresh underwear and shirts. Since Noah had put on all his muscular build, he and Hal wore the same size clothing now. Noah was no longer the "little" brother. For no reason at all, Hal also picked up the remaining bottle of Jack Daniels he had put in his trunk when leaving Knoxville. A nightcap wouldn't hurt since he was through driving for the night.

Their room was on the second floor of "Tara". The walkway was encompassed with a ballistrad with the feeling of an old plantation. Hal unlocked the door to their room and Noah collapsed on the bed nearest the door, head first. Noah opened his suitcase, got his razor and went into the bathroom to shower and shave...something he hadn't bothered to do in Knoxville. The steaming hot water peppering his face felt wonderful to Hal. This was the first time he felt relaxed since leaving Carolyn in God-knows-where? He shaved in the shower, got out, dried himself, and wrapped a fresh towel around his waist before coming back to the bedroom. He expected Noah to be sleeping, but instead, Noah was clicking through the cable channels, mostly trying to see what channels Atlanta received that Chattanooga channels didn't.

"You want to shower? You can use my razor if you do," Hal suggested.

"Maybe later.

"You...uh...looking for adult channels?"

"Not really, but if I find one...maybe," Noah replied.

"You usually have to call the desk and order them," Hal told him.

"I can find something, don't worry. No need to add any more to your credit card."

"Noah, do you drink?"

"Why?"

"I have a bottle of Jack Daniels on the dresser. I'm gonna have a drink. I'll fix you one if you like."

Noah had never tasted Jack Daniels...or really any hard liquor. Beer? Sure. But, this was his chance to see what real booze was like.

"OK, but just a little bit."

While they were eating at "Mammy's", Hal had asked the guy at the register desk if he would have someone bring ice, some soda water, and some cokes to the room. The ice bucket was there with the drinks.

"You want this mixed with Coca-Cola?"

"Yeah, that's the way I always drink it," Noah lied.

Hal made two drinks and handed one to Noah. They touched their glasses with a faux toast and each took a sip. Hal watched Noah carefully to see Noah's reaction to the booze. Hal suspected this was his brother's first real drink. Fortunately, the coke flavor hid most of the sting of the whiskey, but Noah still had to gulp to swallow it. The liquor burned Noah's throat, down the esophagus. It was still burning when it reached his stomach.

"This is our first time to drink...just the two of us," Hal remarked.

"It's not my fault. You always thought I was too young to do the things you and Steve did."

"At the time, you were."

"So you think, now, I'm grown up...since I've had sex and all. Well, maybe not what you consider as having sex, but it was sex just the same."

"You mean with Wade?"

"Who else, silly? He was my first and only. There's no way I can have sex in a dorm with a bunch of rich guys running up and down the halls. And, there was no one in Hawthorne I could have my kind of sex with...at least I thought. It seems now, since I've left, there are all kinds of guys I could've had sex with back home."

"I still can't get over Steve."

"You mean, finding out he had gay ideas?"

"Yeah. Steve and I have been like one person all these years. Nothing about male sex was EVER discussed between us. As far as I know, we never even thought about it, much less doing it. I mean, Steve, Randy, Tyler, and I used to have jerk off sessions after we'd gone swimming, but we never looked at one another. We weren't interested in dicks...NONE OF US...except our own."

"Now that you know about Steve...would you, if you could've?"

"Had sex with Steve? NO WAY!"

"Why not? He certainly appealed to me. I found him really sexy. I would've sucked his dick in a minute."

Hal was surprised to hear Noah say something like that so openly. Of course, the two of them had never spoken of sex, not even about girls. Hal discussed fucking chicks with Steve all the time, but there was no reason to discuss such things with his kid brother in the past.

Noah realized his remark might have shocked Hal. "Did that upset you? Did it traumatize you to hear that I wanted to suck your best friend's dick? His cock? His...whatever you and Steve called them?"

Noah had finished his drink and Hal asked if he wanted a refill. Noah handed him the empty glass and Hal poured another whiskey and coke for his brother. The alcohol was just beginning to hit Noah.

"Wanna know something else, bro?" Noah said.

"There were times I wanted to suck your dick, too. Does that shock you?"

"Well, yes. Yes, it does. I mean I never knew you were gay. How old were you when you first knew?" Hal asked, timidly.

"The first time I saw you naked."

"When was that?"

"I must've been around four or five years old."

"Noah, that's bullshit! You didn't know you were gay back then."

"Wanna bet? Boy, old Wade didn't know I'd been saving seventeen years of cum when I shot my load down his throat. It's a wonder he didn't strangle and die." Noah laughed at his own joke.

"Wade went down on you?"

"Of course. What do you think queers do to one another?"

"I never thought about it. I always had plenty of girls and women to get my rocks off. I never knew of any queers...GAYS, I mean, in Hawthorne."

"Oh, we suck, we fuck, we lick, we kiss, we cum together, we swallow."

"Noah, you don't have to get so graphic."

"Didn't you make it a habit to eat out pussies? YOU AND STEVE?"

"I guess, but I never described what I did in front of you."

"Too ashamed?"

"I suppose."

"Well, I'm not ashamed. Your brother was born a cocksucker and I'm proud of it!" Noah said, taking a huge amount of his second drink. "This stuff is pretty good once you get used to it. I mean, it was the first time I ever drank any," Noah quickly added.

"Noah, why don't you go shower? It'll make you feel better before going to sleep."

"Are you trying to get rid of me or are you just trying to change the subject?"

"A little of both, I guess."

"Does it make you a little bit horny when I talk about cocksucking?"

"Hell, no!" Hal replied emphatically. "Why should it?"

"There must be some reason why you don't want me talking about it."

"It's just something I'd rather not talk about, especially with my own brother."

Noah guzzled down the remainder of his second drink and was feeling bolder. He stood up and walked to Hal who was sitting on the side of the other bed.

"Come on, Hal, let's see if I made you horny."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, let me whip off that towel around your waist and let me get a good look at you at long last! You've kept that thing of yours hidden from me all my life."

"Noah, stop it or you're gonna make me mad."

"Afraid to show it? Is it so tiny you're ashamed of it?"

"Noah, I swear, you take one more step toward me and I'll flatten you."

"I bet you've got a hard on! Is that it, Hal? Hell, half the girls in Hawthorne have had their lips or their pussies wrapped around it...and I can't even get a look at it...your own brother?"

Noah took a quick step and yanked Hal's towel to the floor in one move. The fallen towel revealed that Hal did not have an erection. Noah's unexpected gesture surprised Hal, but mostly made him angry. Instead of pulling back his arm to thrust his fist at Noah's jaw, Hal grabbed his brother, locking his arms around him very tightly to restrain Noah and had all but immobilized him.

"NOW, STOP IT NOAH! YOU'RE LITTLE FUN GAME HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH."

Somewhere between being tipsy and stone-cold sober, Noah realized the mistake he's just made...not to mention making a fool out of himself as well

"Hal, you weren't lying. You weren't hard."

"I told you."

"Yeah, but I always thought anybody could get aroused by a little touching. Maybe it was me. Maybe I don't attract you. Is that it?"

"No, Noah, if I were attracted to men, with your good looks and he-man build, you'd be exactly the kind of guy I'd go after."

Noah was emotionally and physically sick to his stomach. Apparently, fried chicken and pecan pie were not Jack Daniels' favorite dishes. Noah tried to release himself from Hal's hold around his arms and chest.

"Let me go, Hal, I'm gonna be sick," was all Noah managed to say before he hurled a hefty amount of vomit between their two bodies. Hal got most of it on his naked chest, but there was enough to get all over Noah's shirt and pants. Hal released Noah as quick as possible while the rest of Noah's hot spew hit the floor and all over Hal's naked feet and Noah's shoes. Noah pushed Hal away and staggered a run to the bathroom and placed his head over the toilet. Actually, there was nothing left to puke. Noah continued as best he could, but only with dry heaves.

Hal, in the meanwhile, grabbed a washcloth and held it under the cold water tap of the lavatory and placed it on the back of Noah's neck and then washed his forehead and mouth. Noah knew his knees were set onto the floor, but the room was spinning just the same. Hal tossed the washcloth on in the lavatory basin; grabbed another clean one and repeated the action.

Noah managed to groan with a long, 'ooooh' and tried to say, "I'm sorry, Hal. I really am."

"Don't sweat it. Steve's held my head many times after I had drunk too much."

"I'm so sorry."

"Forget it," Hal said. "Now let's get you out of those messed up clothes and let me get you into the shower. The cold water will sober you up."

Noah was too sick to aid with much assistance in undressing himself. It was Hal who did all the work. Both of them stood naked in the bathroom as Hal reached for the cold water shower faucet. He walked Noah into the stall and let the rushing water clean them as much as possible. Noah kept his eyes closed the whole time.

The bar of Dove soap that Hal used was still in the wall insert soap dish. Hal took the bar into his hands and worked up a foamy lather. Hal washed his own chest and then did the same to Noah. The residue from the chicken dinner explosion slid down their bodies into the drain. Noah stabilized himself by putting his arms around Hal's neck and pressing their bodies together.

Drunk or not drunk, the touch of Hal's flesh next to his own, gave Noah an instant erection, sliding underneath Hal's scrotum and placing itself between Hal's legs. This was a new feeling for Hal and under different circumstances, he would have backed away. But, trying not to make a bid deal of the situation, plus the fact that his brother was drunk, Hal let Noah's penis stay between his thighs, or to the place it had wandered.

Hal was not disgusted because having a penis, another guy's penis, his own brother's penis to boot, felt actually sensual to Hal. The soap residue running down their bodies had lubricated both brothers below their waists. Call it lust or natural instinct, Noah, involuntarily began to push and pull his organ in and out of Hal's muscular thighs, in a rocking motion. Each time Noah pulled back, the glans of Noah's penis rubbed up against the underside of Noah's ball sac. Noah's pumping motion caused Hal's organ to react and within seconds, Hal, too, had a raging hard on. Noah felt his brother's cock rising up and pressing against the lower part of his abdomen.

Things, which had never happened to Hal, were causing him to become embarrassed and somewhat disturbing. 'Was this a natural reaction or was his brother turning him on?' Noah pulled his upper torso to see what was happening between their two bodies. He saw Hal's erection and looked back into Hal's eyes and smiled, warmly.

Hal knew he should stop the action. It was wrong, but it felt so wonderful, he stood there and let Noah keep up the fucking movement. Noah got the courage to reach down and firmly grip onto Hal's hard organ.

"What's this?" Noah asked, as he had a big grin on his face. "Did I really do that to you, bro."

"It was the liquor," Hal said. "Only the drink I had. Alcohol always makes me horny."

"You want me to make it go down?" Noah asked.

"No, not really. It'll go down as soon as we clean up and get out of the shower."

"Wanna bet?"

"No, I know how to make it go down by itself."

"Aw, that's no fun. Let me help. No one will ever know and tomorrow when we're both sober, we'll never mention it and it'll be our little secret."

"What are you gonna do?"

"Just watch!" Noah said as he swiftly sank to his needs, still holding onto Noah's hardness.

Before Hal could counteract his brother by stepping back, Noah lunged forward and took Hal's entire penis into his mouth and down his throat.

"OH GOD!" Hal screamed, half embarrassed and the other half, experiencing the greatest pleasure he'd ever know. Hal couldn't stop Noah if he wanted to...and at this moment, he DID NOT want to stop what his brother was doing to him.

Even though Noah had only given one blowjob in his life to Wade. He was not an amateur. He'd gone down on so many guys while fantasizing about them nightly in his bed; Noah had the prolificacy of a professional cocksucker. Hal place one arm against two sides of the stall to steady himself. Hal wanted to have an orgasm even if it meant regretting it later. He felt the oncoming rush and without a warning or a moment of hesitation, he ejaculated into Noah's mouth.

"OH, FUCK!" Hal shouted. "Take it, Steve, take all of it! Eat is baby. Swallow all of it."

A couple of minutes later, it was all over. Hal felt weak and drained. Noah was in total control of his mind. He had sobered up very quickly. It took both of them a short while to get their breath. Noah was glad what he had done...if only Hal wouldn't get ashamed or angry and try to beat hell out of him for going too far.

Noah remained on his knees as the water of the shower pelted the top of his head. He wiped his eyes to look up at Hal for a sign of what was to follow.

It was Hal who spoke, "God damn! We shouldn't have down that Hal. I should've stopped you. It was all my fault. I should've never let that happen."

Noah slowly rose to his feet and faced his brother.

"Did you hear yourself, Hal?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry I was so loud. I never cried out like that when a girl did that to me."

"I don't mean your shouting and hollering. I mean, did you hear what you called me?"

"No, I wasn't aware. I was so caught up in the moment."

"You called me 'Steve', bro."

"You're full of shit! I did NOT!"

"Oh, but yes you did."

"I couldn't have. I WOULDN'T have."

"But you did."

"Noah, I swear by everything that's holy, I never did anything like that with Steve."

"Yeah, but your outburst proved to me that you wanted to."

"You're crazy!" A feeling of fearful discovery hit Hal like a bolt of lightning. In the deepest part of his brain, had he suppressed a desire to have sex with his best friend? Could anything like this ever happen between Steve and him? Steve might have let it happen. After all, Steve had confessed to him about his finding out he was gay after all the years of being the biggest cunt humper in Hawthorne.

Hal's mind continued to race. Without paying attention to his brother, Hal got out of the shower and went back into the bedroom. He poured himself a large glass of Jack Daniels and began to drink it down as if it was water. Calling Noah 'Steve' in the middle of his orgasm opened the Pandora's box in his mind. Hal had always loved Steve as a brother, but also as the person he cared most for in his life.

Noah had had no hesitation by falling in love with Steve. Could Hal have been in love...REALLY in love with Steve all their lives, but was either too ignorant to the fact or too afraid to show an emotion, so secretive, that he'd kept it from himself? Hal walked from the bottle on the dresser back to his bed and slumped down on the mattress. He was totally unaware that Noah had gotten out of the shower and stood at the bathroom door, watching his brother agonize about the true relationship of Hal and Steve's subconscious desires.

Hal didn't look at Noah when Noah said, "It looks like we both had a crush on the same guy...and we both lost him."

Hal turned his head to stare at his brother, letting Noah's proclamation sink in.

"Noah, I never..."

"Save it, Hal. Everything you just found out about yourself will be our secret for the rest of our lives."

The total shock of recognition hit Hal with a thud. Hal began to cry. In a matter of a few minutes, he had relived twenty years of friendship with his best friend without ever knowing the real truth.

Noah walked over to Hal, sat down beside him and placed his arm around Hal's shoulder. A couple of moments ago, they were having sex in the shower, but now, for the first time, the two brothers were bonding as they comforted one another.

"Come on, Hal, let's get you to bed and we can talk about this all day tomorrow, if we want."

Noah pulled down the covers on Hal's bed; took Hal by the hand and helped him into bed. This was followed by another strange gesture. Noah leaned down and kissed his brother's forehead. Hal hadn't combed his hair since the second shower, so Noah, finger-combed Hal's dark locks.

Noah went to his own bed, got in, and turned off the light on the bedside table separating the two beds. The room was pitch black. The only sound in the room was a few sniffles, which Hal was subsiding. Noah stretched out, placing his hands behind his head staring up at the dark ceiling. So many family secrets had been revealed this evening. So many lost years, wasted between brothers and best friends. Life could have been so different for all three of them...Hal, Noah, and Steve...if only one or all of them knew what was hiding beneath the surface of their innermost thoughts and feelings.

Thirty minutes later, Hal broke the silence of the darkened room.

"Noah?"

"Yeah?"

"You awake?"

"Completely." Noah replied.

"Would you do me a favor?"

"It depends."

"I want you to do something for me...only...I couldn't ask you if the lights were on. With the room being so dark...and I can't see your face, maybe I can ask you."

"Don't beat around the bush, Hal, if you want to ask me something, go ahead."

"I was wondering...or rather I was hoping that...that you'd come over to my bed and sleep with me?"

"Are you serious?"

"Very."

"I'm not wearing any clothes."

"I know...neither am I."

"...And you're sure this is what you want?"

"I think so," Noah said before pausing and adding," I...I want to hold you. I want you to hold me...like a brother...the way we should've held each other many years ago."

Noah knew it was difficult for Hal to ask such a favor after all the bridges that had been burned between them over the years. He felt sorry and compassionate for both himself and Hal.

Slowly, Noah got out of his bed and stumbled two steps in the dark room until he found Hal's bed. Hal raised the covers to allow Noah to join him. They lay together face-to-face as they embraced one another and drew their naked bodies together as close as possible. Something important and something very beautiful had happened between them...they were both aware of...something they both needed.

The two bodies stayed merged together as one until they both fell asleep.

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The following weekend, after Noah and Hal returned from a happy time in Atlanta. Hal left Noah at school to go to a different place and start a new life...never to return to Hawthorne.

Friday night came and Noah had received a call from the mysterious Fr. Steve. They made plans for dinner and a movie. None of Noah's classmates saw him leave, nor had any of them get to see the tall blonde stranger when he came by to pick up Noah.

Noah didn't return to school that evening...nor the next couple of days. By midweek, the Hamilton County Sheriff went to Chickamauga Creek to investigate the murder of a nude young man who had been raped and his throat slashed. The murderer had left no clues, only bruises and hideous marks on the victim's body. It was almost a week before anyone came to identify the body of Noah Allen Carter.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

The story of Steve and Wade's flight to Mackintosh, New Hampshire will soon continue in "Whence Cometh My Help" Book Eight in the Adult Friends section of Nifty.