"Where's Em?" I asked Ryan.
"Oh, she's going to try and stop by later. She has a doctor's appointment or something this morning." Ryan replied softly.
We sat quietly in the waiting room anticipating the return of the nurse. I leaned my head on Ryan's shoulder in an attempt to get some sleep. He didn't seem to mind, but at the same time wasn't very accommodating. He was shaking like Jello from all the caffeine he'd ingested in the past twenty four hours. I really needed him though, so I didn't complain much. My eyes were closed tightly to shut out the bright fluorescent lights that hung above us, but no matter how hard I squinted they still shown through. The skin on Ryan's neck smelt wonderful. So strong and masculine. He had been with me since the moment I stepped foot in the hospital. I wouldn't let him leave... he was my security blanket.
At last I felt my body begin to surrender to sleep. My muscles relaxed, my mind slowed. I didn't fight it. But it was not meant to be, for I quickly received an elbow in the gut. My eyelids snapped open and I jettisoned to 110% consciousness. I immediately sat up and took note of the approaching nurse. Ryan wiped his palms (greasy from eating potato chips) on his worn jeans and stood to great her. I was too tired, so I remained seated.
"If you two gentlemen would follow me, I have been instructed to take you to your friend's room." She said without emotion.
I can barely remember how things played out that night. I remember my mom tossing me aside violently as she attempted to take care of him. I remember her climbing into the back of the ambulance with the paramedics and leaving me standing in the dark. I remember my dad flying out of the driveway and speeding down the road towards Justin's house. And I remember Ryan holding me in his arms as I shook with fear. He must have been the one who brought me here, cause I didn't have my car keys.
About six hours ago a couple of cops approached us and started asking a bunch of questions. I relayed to them what I could, but overall I doubt they got much out of me. They explained that they strongly believed Justin's dad was responsible for the beating. Deputies had stopped by his house this morning and could not locate him. They further explained that they believe that he had fled town and was probably too intoxicated to remember why. I explained to them that if it took a badge to figure all that out they mine as well make me the sheriff. Ryan apologized repeatedly to them for my behavior, but said nothing to me about it.
We followed the nurse through a maze of white walls and glistening tiles for what seemed to me like a half mile before she finally made an abrupt right turn into one of the rooms. Ryan went in first, and I followed close behind. I was scared to death of what I was going to find in there. As I stepped inside the darkened room, the symphony of clicks and beeps from out in the main ICU fell silent.
Justin was lying in the bed, enshrouded by his green hospital gown. My delusional mind found this funny for some reason. Justin... in a gown. The nurse explained that we were welcome to sit quietly, but were to take all precautions against waking him up. I plopped down onto one of the pink chairs by the window. Ryan watched the bouncing line on Justin's cardiogram. Finally she left.
I looked at Ryan who also looked at me. What were we supposed to do now? Justin had wires hooked up to him everywhere imaginable, as well as an oxygen tube up his nose. This was not the Justin we knew. The tough as nails, "I don't give a shit about you pussy ass wimps" Justin who had just two days earlier claimed to spit on a hippie because he felt like it. This was a stranger. A monotone "beep" emitted from the corner of the room as a new round of morphine was dripped into the IV bag that dangled there. I peaked out the venetian blinds into the bright world. None of those people walking below me had the slightest clue that my friend nearly had the life beaten out of him. That just earlier that morning he had been taken off the respirator. Even though my world had been turn upside down with worry, life went on as normal everywhere else. I looked over to Justin lying there in his drug induced sleep, and wondered where his mind was roaming right now. Hopefully far away from his shitty life.
Ryan stood next to the bed solemnly. Ever so gently, he took Justin's pale hand in his and squeezed it. He looked up at me with red eyes.
"This is so screwed up." he said sorrowfully.
"I know." I responded.
"Hey." Ryan said to Justin as he choked back tears. "We're here for you man."
I don't know if it was the lack of sleep or what, but I swear, as Ryan spoke the slightest hint of a smile ran across the blank face of our friend. Ryan stepped back from the bed, and slumped down into a blue chair next to mine. A soft whirring came from the air conditioner. I closed my eyes and listened to Ryan breathing. In all this chaos, I felt safe, and within minutes I drifted to sleep.
Several hours had elapsed when Ryan shook me back to life.
"Hey, we gotta roll." he whispered.
"Hmm. Yeah. Whatever." I grumbled, still half asleep.
Grudgingly I stood up, stretched, and rubbed the lingering fatigue from my eyes. I stepped across the room and took a closer inspection of Justin. His stomach was swollen from the thirty plus kicks he had received to it. Half of his face was buried in black and blue. It was terrible. I had waited so long to be able to see him, and once I did, I fell asleep. What an ass. I felt horrible leaving him all alone, but I knew I would be back again before nightfall.
"Yo," I whispered to him, unsure of his capability to here us in his slumber, "Me and Ry are gonna take off for an our or so. Brian is back in town, and they are giving him a parade. Can you believe that. Brian having a parade."
I knew if he could respond he'd rolling on the floor with laughter. Brian was the last guy in the world who would want a parade in his honor. Ryan stood at the door anxiously waiting to leave, so I said goodbye, and headed out the door.
My eyes burned as I stepped into the bright sunlight. The heat and humidity embraced me like an old friend, and I began sweating nearly instantly. Ryan, consistently five steps in front of me, kept on looking back to see where I was. I felt like telling him to slow down, but I knew how excited he was to see Brian. He'd been waiting a really long time for him to come home, it just sucked that his arrival had to be marred with all the shit happening to Justin.
After ten minutes of walking we found ourselves strolling down the main street that ran through town. Up ahead people lined the road with lawn chairs and picnic baskets. It looked kinda like the July 4th parade all over again. Ryan and I strolled across to the other side of the road, and sat down on the curb with Kyle who was saving a spot for us outside the Dairy Queen.
"Hey." he said wearily.
"Hi." Ryan and and I replied in unison.
"So you guys finally got too see him?" Kyle asked.
I let Ryan do the talking. "Yeah, we just left the hospital. He's doing really shitty. His face is all bruised and his stomach is enormous from the swelling. He looks kinda like he got hit by a train or something. I don't know... I am sure he will start to improve in a day or two."
Ryan mumbled himself into silence.
"Was he awake? I called your mom and she said he was sedated."
No, he is still out cold." I said quickly in an attempt to keep Ryan from opening his mouth.
Even though most of the sunlight was screened through the fluttering leaves of the cherry tree above us, I could feel its heat pounding on my back. It had to be the most oppressive day we'd had all summer. Between the heat and the humidity, I was surprised people weren't throwing buckets of water on the street and calling it a sauna. I know it probably sounds really rude, but I was not in the mood for a parade. Even if it was for a good friend. I didn't feel well and was too tired to be much company.
"Did you see Brian yet?" Ryan asked, with a giddy tone.
"Yeah for a minute. He came home like three this morning. I spoke with him for like twenty minutes earlier before he had to go be interviewed by the Herald. I took off too right after he left." Kyle said monotonously.
"Where did you run off to on such a big day?" I asked.
"Oh. I went over to see Anna," his expression suddenly changed, "I broke up with her."
"You What! Why?" Ryan practically yelled.
"No fucking way." I said, far too fatigued to voice my contempt.
"Come on Ry... don't give me a hard time." Kyle mumbled, "I just wasn't getting what I wanted out of the relationship."
I gave him a disapproving glare.
Even in the million and one degree heat I got chills down my spine when he said this. Was this?... Did this happen?... Because of me? My already overwhelmed head churned with the possibilities. "It would appear..." I thought to myself, "That you have made quite a mess." I quietly prayed as the high school marching band (minus the best sousaphone player ever...me) stomped towards us that I had not screwed up Kyle's head by doing gay shit with him. This was not good at all. Unfortunately though this was not the venue to discuss it.
"I know what you mean." Ryan said as he placed his hand on Kyle's shoulder, "Sometimes I wonder why I put out so much for Emmy when I get so little in return. But then I remember how much I love her."
A smile crawled across his face as he said this. Kyle look like he was going to be sick. Maybe he just realized what he had done.
Maple Avenue was filled with all the typical things you would find at a small town parade. The rotary club, the mayor in the shiny car, lots of little kids on bikes decorated with yellow ribbons and American flags. To be completely honest it was almost a little too cheesy at times. Until you experience it, you would never believe events like this ever happened in real life. After about a half an hour the fire truck pulled down the road, and let out a long wail with its siren to signal the arrival of the guest of honor. As it approached everyone began to wave and cheer and clap. It was such a corny crescendo I really didn't want to take part in it... but I did. Brian deserved it. He had seen hell when he was over there, and god damn it, he needed to know that his friends weren't killed in vain.
The fire truck was about two hundred feet down the road before you could even see Brian. There was such a glare on the windshield it was nearly impossible to look into the cab where he was sitting. As he got closer, the crowd reached a frenzy. My head pounded but I cheered just like the rest of them. Brian had a sheepish smile on his face, and stuck his hand out the window every couple seconds to wave. He was the guy every man wanted to be, and every woman wanted to marry. Strong broad shoulders, a chiseled chin, and dark hair cropped close to his head. His uniform of dark green made him seem even more masculine. It was shocking how much older he looked.
I glanced to my right to see Ryan's bright expression. The only relation I can draw to his demeanor is that he looked just like a puppy, wagging his tail because he's glad to see you. Kyle on the other hand looked absolutely miserable. He was slouched over, his chin resting in his palm. I couldn't tell if he was angry, or bored, or even a little scared. I just knew he was miserable. You would never have known that this was his brother who was returning from war. All his body language seemed to portray significant indifference.
The truck drove past, and there was suddenly a mad rush at the dairy queen behind us. It seemed like every person in town and their cousin was trying to seek relief from the heat. I stood up wearily, and addressed Kyle.
"I'm gonna take off. I am going to go home, eat, sleep, and then go back to sit with Justin. I'll talk to you later." I mumbled in one big long breath.
"Ry, can you drive me home?" I asked.
"No problem." was his response.
We strolled leisurely back towards the hospital parking lot. Ryan unlocked his truck, and we both hopped in, simultaneously burning our shoulders on the metal seat belt latches. I laughed meekly and slid into the cushioned seat. I felt like shit... all hot and sweaty, exhausted, hungry, worried... the list could go on forever. The truck must have been a hundred and twenty plus degrees inside, and I had my finger on the button to lower the window before the it even started up. We pulled out of the hospital, and within minutes were cruising down one of the back roads towards my house.
The quickly moving air provided much needed relief as it whipped past my face. I squinted my eyes shut and fell quickly into my thoughts. I thought about Justin, and how he was all alone. How helpless he was for the first time in his life. I thought about Brian and his triumphant return. I was excited to see him again, but I really didn't feel like getting caught up in the whirlwind of activity that was following him around town. Maybe once things quieted down a little I would stop over to chat. I thought about Kyle and how he lied in front of me. I didn't know what to do. How could I help someone who didn't want to acknowledge all the elements of the problem. I wanted to take him by the hand and lead him through the darkness, but I couldn't. I hadn't even found the way out yet.
I was startled back to reality by the metallic sounds of "La Cucaracha" coming from Ryan's pocket. He slowly pulled out his cell phone, and checked who it was. His eyes softened and a wide smile appeared. I knew that without a doubt it was Emily.
"Hey Sweetie." he said cheerfully.
He quickly described Justin's condition and the parade. I tried not to listen, but it is hard not to invade the privacy of someone sitting two feet away. There was a long pause in the conversation.
"Okay." he said. Another long pause.
I watched anxiously as his fingers tightened on the steering wheel, and the color drained from his face. He became as white as the bleached linens that fluttered on clotheslines throughout the county.
"Alright." he said, while nodding, "No I am fine."
The truck slowed to a crawl. I had absolutely no idea what it was that had shaken him up so much, and honestly didn't even want to guess. He switched hands that he used to hold the cell phone, and wiped his sweaty palm on his jeans. His chest rose and fell heavily. There was something going on, and I was terrified of what it was.
"Yeah. I know," he said in a near whisper, "Okay. I will call you in a bit.... Love you too....Bye." He flipped the phone shut.
"Fuck!" he said as he banged on the steering wheel. I looked at him in confusion.
He turned slowly, and looked me straight in the eye.
"Emmy's pregnant."
I was frozen. There was no way I just heard that. Ryan's words echoed in my head again and again. There was no way. There was absolutely...
"What?" I demanded.
"I know," he said in a low voice, "She was three weeks late and today at the doctor they gave her a test. I don't know what I'm gonna do."
I sat in absolute disbelief. Neither sad, nor happy. Just shocked.
Ryan pressed his foot against the accelerator and the tires spun in the dirt. The truck sped down the remainder of the straight, dust covered road at easily seventy miles an hour, before shooting off down a small access road to the right. This was not the way to my house. I was a little confused; but what could I do? We snaked through the woods for a few minutes before emerging into a small clearing that was home to a pump house. Past it... a spectacular opening to the lake. I looked to Ryan for explanation, and he addressed my concerns.
"I'll be back in a few minutes. I need to chill." he said as he exited the car. Whatever.
I watched him meander down to the waters edge and crouch down low to the ground. Three weeks ago. How simple things used to be back then. I thought about how much we had all changed in that time. How everything had become so crazy. Kyle and I, Justin, and now Ryan. What the fuck was going on.
Ryan picked up a small stone and tossed it into the water... and then another...and then another. With each toss a new set of rapidly expanding concentric circles, reaching out and touching those circles which grew next to it. A thick and sticky breeze blew through the open windows of the truck. The leaves in the surrounding forest rustled in excitement. I waited.
Ryan was gonna be a dad.
I laughed at myself. As if he wasn't already. Emmy must been scared shitless, but I knew Ryan wasn't. I think he was just worried about how he was gonna add more weight to his already heavy load. As it stood he had a full plate between work and helping out his mom. Now this? It seemed highly unlikely that he was gonna be able to pull it off. But I knew he would find a way. That was just who he was. He could always find a way. Over the lake a hazy gray sky began to block out the sun. The breeze picked up a little more. The whole world seemed ripe with uncertainty.
I leaned my head back into the seat and listened to the whispers of the woods. Birds sang. Water lapped against the shore. A couple squirrels chirped from high in their trees. They were all talking about something. Sharing a secret I wasn't supposed to know. But I did. The meaning of their hurried song was clear as day.
A change was coming.