This story is copyrighted and the sole possession of the author. No duplication is permitted without the express written consent of the author. It will contain graphic description of consensual male to male sex and may be offensive to some. If this is not something you wish to read, please look elsewhere. Certain events in the story are based loosely on real events so the names of the characters, with the exception of mine, have been changed to reflect that. Hanging By A Moment is the title of a song by Lifehouse. Constructive email can be sent to Dakotajoe2000@cs.com
Chapter Eight
Nick was sleeping softly on the couch as Dawson walked into the room. The sliding glass door to the balcony was partially open, allowing a slight breeze to blow across the room. Dawson looked down longingly at Nick. He was balled up into a near fetal position and appeared to be maintaining some warmth. Dawson walked back into the bedroom, grabbed the large colorful bedspread and walked back to the couch. Nick turned a bit in his slumber as the blanket was placed on top of him. Turning towards the desk they had left against one wall while waiting for a permanent home, Dawson adjusted his eyes to the darkness. He found a pen sitting on the counter and sat.
I woke up on Sunday morning and it felt like I had a hangover. I didn't really, because I hadn't a thing to drink last night. I still went to bed with a sick feeling in my stomach and I felt that was what was leading to this feeling right now. Dawson and I didn't talk much on the way home from the beach yesterday. It wasn't for lack of things to say, but we both knew it wasn't best to talk about it. We actually did go out and see a movie and even went out to eat after. Hey, I'm still a young guy; sometimes it's okay to eat fast food, pizza and dinner all in the same day. Anyway, it wasn't comfortable between us. When we got back to my place, I wanted to talk about it. He didn't. He told me that he was tired and wanted to sleep. I resigned myself to his wishes. I ended up sleeping on the couch that night, because I stayed up to watch some television. When I finally did wake, I had my comforter laying there and I knew he was gone.
"Dear Nick,
I didn't want to wake you. You looked so peaceful laying there on the couch. I did think it was appropriate to say goodbye though. You know, I wish things could have been different. You're a special guy and you mean a great deal to me. Looking back, I can see that you didn't get attached to me, like I did to you. I take responsibility for that. I don't want you to feel that you've let me down, because you haven't. This last month has been wonderful for me and I value your friendship. I'm going to give this some time to heal, but I still want to be your friend. I will certainly give you a call.
As I go, there was something else I think you should know. Jason seems to be a special guy too. I can sense that because I know you've never stopped loving him. Seeing him yesterday may have been very hard on you, but I figure it was just as hard on him. Go see him, tell him how you feel. If he reacts as I think he will, you'll both be fine. If he doesn't, you'll still be okay. You're tough enough to handle it.
Take care of yourself Nick. I love you....don't ever forget that.
Dawson."
That was the note I found. He had written it on the back of the artist's rendering of us. I would never be able to get rid of that drawing, knowing that was a special day in my life, and he made sure that I would never forget how much he did care for me. He was special and I felt bad for hurting him. I don't know that it wasn't inevitable. School would definitely take a toll on me and 2,400 miles can't be healthy for a relationship. I kept telling myself this over and over. I showered in silence, and dressed myself in silence. I found my way to my car somehow. I always was good at doing that, my outlet to escape my pain.
I parked my car. Light rain had started falling. I always loved being here in the rain, this beach that I loved so much. I was farther from town and it was intentional. I didn't really want Jason to see me in this state. I wasn't even sure if he would be out on the beach in weather like this, but I didn't want to take the chance, so I ended up on the south end of town at Tolovana Park. I walked barefoot in the sand for a little while before I sat down, reminiscing.
We were in his living room, watching the evening news. Light outside was quickly fading and night was settling into Seattle. Chris and I sat comfortably on the couch, enjoying the breeze that blew in off of the sound. He had a beautiful view of downtown. I could see us laying up on the roof under the stars, happy with each other's presence and wanting nothing more. I had to shake myself out of it. He was standing there in the kitchen, looking so handsome The world could have stopped and I wouldn't have known.
I don't know how long I sat in the sand doing absolutely nothing. It was probably a good bit of time. The clouds above had thickened considerably and it wasn't a light rain anymore, it was more of the driving kind, the type that eats at the flesh. Evening was settling in too, as the light that shone through the dense overcast was losing it's luster. I started to cry a bit and it forced me to move from my spot. I walked out to the waves that were steadily rolling in to the welcoming shore. That was cool, I thought. It didn't matter what the weather, the shore was always willing to welcome the tide. I fell to my knees and let the waves wash over my tearaways. I wasn't crying, there wasn't time for that, or maybe more, that there wasn't anything to cry over. I felt someone put their arms around me and whisper into my ear.
"C'mon, lets get you back to some drier land."
I knew who it was and I didn't resist. I stood and looked at him, decked out in rain gear. He was always cute. He gave me a warm hug and grabbed my hand. We walked with hands clasped all the way back to the wooden stairs that led to the parking lot. He slowly sat and motioned for me to follow. As I sat, I saw his eyes peering into mine. They were deep and quiet.
"So," he whispered, "do you want to talk about it?"
I couldn't even look at him. I just hung my head there and started to choke it out myself.
"He left this morning before I woke. There was a note saying goodbye."
"And that was it?"
"No, he told me to come out here and see you. He said that I needed to tell you how I feel."
"Wow. How exactly do you feel?"
"Jason, I don't really know. I care about you in such a fashion that I can't explain. I've felt you touch me before even though you weren't there. I dunno, maybe it was just me hoping that it was your touch I was feeling."
I buried my eyes in my hands and tried to cry. He didn't let me. He took my hands and held them in his, squeezing tightly as he did. The wind grabbed the top of his raincoat exposing his head to the vicious rains. He didn't seem to notice. He moved closer to where I was sitting and wrapped his arms around me and lay his head on my shoulder. His voice was barely audible, but that was all it needed, just to be heard.
"It's a good thing that it rained today. There isn't anyone in town this afternoon, so Pete let me leave a little bit early. I thought about just driving back into Portland but I thought better of it. I wanted to take a walk. The rain gear is always in my car....I've kept it there hoping for a day like this. When I saw you sitting in the sand a while back, I wanted to say something, but I just watched. I wasn't sure that it was you, but I hoped. When you walked out to the waves, I don't know. I want you to know that I care about you too. Is it too soon to say `I love you?', I don't know. I think I do, Nick."
He loosened his grip on one of my hands and started playing with my rain soaked hair. He looked deeply into my eyes and then leaned in. I do believe it stopped raining momentarily. His lips were soft and tender and full of the man I had grown so much to love. It was brief as he pulled away but it was everything I had wanted for so long. His head went back to the crook of my neck and he started singing to me.
`I used to think that love was just a fairy tale,
until that first hello, until that first smile.
But if I had to do it all again, I wouldn't change a thing,
because this love is everlasting.
Suddenly, life has new meaning to me.
There's beauty up above
and things we never take notice of.
You wake up, and suddenly, you're in love.'
He stopped singing and looked up at me. I never knew he had such a great voice, but I am going to be a bit biased, now aren't I? He softly spoke again....
"I guess I can have your phone number, or am I assuming too much?"
I smiled broadly at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Suddenly" is a song by Lionel Richie. No, I'm not talented enough to come up with sappy stuff like that. Hope you liked this chapter....there is more to come. Creative comments or criticisms can be directed to Dakotajoe2000@cs.com.