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The journey home was miserable, but somehow... fun? In the fucked-up way that when something is terribly miserable, you can't help but observe and, at least in part, enjoy it.
The bus was brightly lit. City buses are always brightly lit, it turns out. Which means no hiding.
I wanted to hide everything: my face with its fucked-up makeup, my still-slightly-damp hair, my wet and bedraggled little black dress. I smelled like piss, and I looked like, well, shit.
Thankfully, the bus was pretty quiet. Not many people ride the bus in the early evening on Saturday. A Latina lady in her knitted shawl. She didn't look up. I could tell she was judging me. Maybe saying a prayer for me. There were two young black dudes, maybe 17 years old. They were busting each other up laughing. I couldn't hear it, but I'm pretty sure I was the butt of the joke.
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As I walked up the front entryway to my apartment building, I carried my heels in my hand. A guy I knew let me through the front door. He did a double-take as I passed him.
I walked up the stairs and down the hall to my front door...
And it was open.
Why the fuck would my front door be open?
I went into stealth mode. I silently slunk through the door. I set my heels on the couch and crawled like a cat down the hallway.
I heard a sound I recognized halfway down the hall.
The sound was one I had once made back when I was dating my girlfriend Brittany. We were both a little drunk and still madly in love one night. We spent the whole night fucking, neighbors be damned. We got so loose, so free, that the bedframe came free from the wall. It banged back against the wall with each thrust our bodies made together, then rolled and squeaked away from the wall as we recoiled.
But tonight, we were not in the bedroom.
I had a feeling I knew who was.
I crept to the door.
Joe was pressed flat to the mattress. His chest so far down, his head so far to the side, and his knees stretched so wide, it looked like he had been stretching just so he could take a maximum amount of cock. He was wearing some of my lingerie--a dark purple garter and stocking set. The matching bra was tossed on the floor--my guess was that it had been ripped off awhile ago.
And he was moaning like a bitch. Because in between his soft and yielding thighs was a man.
A real man.
And this man was fucking the living hell out of Joe.
God... it was fucking hot. After the night I had, I thought I would never want or need sex again. And yet... here I was, my clit-dick pushing hard against my little black dress as I witnessed this amazing fuck.
The man was 225 pounds. Maybe more. He looked like a handyman type--built, but not from going to the gym. His hair was trimmed short. Just a simple buzzcut. His olive skin suggested he was either Eastern European. Or maybe Latino. I named him Jorge in my head. He was hairy from what I could see--he even had a patch of dark hair on his lower back above his thick, muscular ass. I would guess he was in his late 30s. Hard to say. He's the type that rides hard. He might be 28 or 29 and just much more worn-in than me or prissy Joe.
And he was riding hard tonight.
"You like that? You like that, sissy slut? Take my fucking cock, you bitch."
Joe was post-verbal, incoherent, more an animal than a person. The mattress amplified his steady moans. I'd never heard him like this. I'd never heard anyone like this.
It sounded like he was in heaven.
How many times has this man already cum inside him? Twice? They've been at this for awhile... that much I could tell.
And they would be at it for awhile longer.
I started to jerk my little dick as I watched. I couldn't help myself. Was it the hard, animal fucking that turned me on? Or the way this guy spoke to Joe--his complete destroyal of Joe's manhood?
"You've got one tight pussy, baby. I'm gonna fuck this tight pussy every time I'm in your neighborhood."
Oh yeah, that's just what I need... some poon-hound stopping by my place at random. Or maybe that wouldn't be so bad...
"What a fag... getting off on having a man fuck you deep and hard."
"You take a fuck better than a real woman. I fucked my girlfriend earlier. She's nowhere near as tight as you are."
"Some men were born to fuck. You were born to take a fuck."
"Damn... you've got one fine-ass pussy, baby."
Jorge slapped Joe on the ass so hard it hurt my ears. Joe yelped more in pain than pleasure.
I was so excited that I never saw the man who approached me from behind, in the darkened hallway.
A firm hand slipped across the front of my throat. It was calm but firm, as if to say "I'm not going to hurt you now... but I could."
Another hand wrapped around my waist from the left. Where I had been jerking off, my hand brushed against a powerful forearm covered in bushy hair.
A mouth pressed up against my ear. I could smell tobacco and liquor on his breath. He pressed his crotch into my rear, his boner already throbbing in his jeans. He whispered into my ear.
"Looks like we've got two sissy sluts to fuck tonight."
I tried to smoothly slip free of his grip, but he wasn't having it. His fingers slid up my throat and under my chin so I couldn't turn my head. I weighed trying to fight my way out of it. I could feel from the strength of his grip that I would never win.
So I surrendered. My body relaxed and settled in against his. I would be compliant for him. I would do whatever he wanted me to do.
He could feel it.
"That's a good girl."
He reached down and felt my little pecker, which was rock hard as it has ever been.
"Looks like you like what you're watching..."
I purred.
"Do you just like to watch? Or do you like to get fucked?"
As I was about to moan my answer, he reached his hand under my dress, into my panties, and down in between my legs. He forced his way between my buttcheeks. He pressed his thick index finger into my butthole. It was used and exhausted from hours of fucking. I had taken a half-dozen loads of cum inside me tonight. And I was still swimming in lube. As he worked his finger into my loose, pliant, willing pussyhole, the answer was obvious.
"Oh yeah... this pussy definitely knows how to take a fuck."
He shoved me into the bedroom, his body pressed so firmly to mine that I moved as he did, like a puppet or a doll. He dropped me to the bed next to Joe. Joe and Jorge were only a little surprised to see another couple joining them. But they were so horny that they could barely be distracted.
My man, whose face I had not yet seen, shoved his thick, unprotected cock up inside me.
I gasped; my eyes went wide.
I turned to Joe, our faces pressed side-by-side into the mattress.
I could see in his eyes the vicarious pleasure of seeing me stretched to my limits.
Earlier today, Joe had never, as far as I knew, been with a guy. Never jerked another guy off. Never sucked a cock. And definitely never taken it up the ass.
Myself, well, a month ago, I was a straight guy. Had a girlfriend. Talked openly about "scoring pussy."
Now, here we were, both transformed into pussies. We were bent over and willingly letting men shove their cocks into us for their pleasure.
I stared into Joe's soul--it was hidden just behind his eyes. He returned the intensity of the gaze. These two formerly "straight" friends stared into each other's eyes as we each took a strange man's thick cock up inside our vulnerable holes. His eyes looked to me more beautiful than ever before. I saw dimensions, layers of truth, meaning, complexity, that I had never seen before. He was himself. He was, truly, meant to be in this position.
Was I?
"Kiss."
That was from my guy. We both turned back to look at him. He was better looking than I expected. Not quite a ginger, but sort of reddish-brown hair and fair skin with a sunburn. He was about our age. He looked like a straight guy. I looked down to his left hand; yep, he had a wedding band. I was fucking somebody's husband.
"I said kiss, faggots."
That sounded more like a threat than an invitation.
Joe and I moved our faces closer together, each of us making an effort not to disrupt the fuck channel our partners had us each pounded into.
I looked once more into Joe's sweet, blue... dare I say it, beautiful eyes. I opened my mouth. He did the same. I stuck my tongue out. He did the same.
We started to lightly lick each other's tongues.
"That's hot."
Jorge was getting into it.
I licked around Joe's lips, tracing where his rosy lips met his delicate skin. Our noses grazed here and there. We took turns sucking the other's tongue inside our mouths. A couple times we bumped heads as our man thrusted inside us just a little bit too hard.
Joe closed his eyes, so I closed mine too. I went into my fantasy zone... which I realized, somehow, was right here. I was just where I wanted to be--inside my own erotic fantasy as it was unfolding. A man inside me, taking me, forcing me. From behind. And me giving him the best fuck I possibly could give him in response.
Well, the fantasy was almost here, anyway. There was only one thing missing: Brendan.
I love Brendan. Is that fucked up? Is it fucked up to love the man who told me, "I'm not your boyfriend" less than an hour ago? The guy who won't return my calls or messages for a week at a time? The man who pimps me out to his friends, without any protection?
Brendan does not give a flying fuck about me. And still. And still...
I fucking loved him. As I tell this story, that relationship is now deep in the past. And so much fucked up stuff happened between then and now. So much cruelty. Dominance. Control.
And still... I love him.
As I daydreamed, I almost missed what happened next. These two straight guys began a game you might call, "Whose Faggot is More Fucked Up?"
"Fuck yourself on my dick."
That was Jorge. He stopped moving so Joe, perched on his hardened dick, could work his ass at his own pace.
"Make it feel good for me. Yeah..."
Joe slowly slithered up and down on it, working the full distance of Jorge's cock--from tip to base. Joe was moaning gutturally throughout. They must have been fucking for awhile, I thought, because Joe is genuinely out of his goddamn mind. He's completely enslaved to this cock. He's lost his sense of identity. All he knows, all he wants, is for this cock to fuck him--forever.
"Do it sweetly. Make it feel like when you sucked me off."
OK, so Joe had at least one load of this guy already inside him. I wondered if swallowing--or ingesting some other way--cum has a feminizing effect? I found out later it does. That was when I was trying to understand if I was trans or not. Turns out, Joe was well on his way to his own feminization.
Joe started working his ass in little circles. You could hear the squelch of dick and lube in his ass as he moved to "sweetly" let this guy assfuck him.
My man was not to be outdone.
"Put my dick in your mouth."
I instinctively whipped my body around and sucked his cock into me.
On it, I tasted an evening of my sexual expression. Brendan. Jesse. Gavin. Dominic.
Sweet Dominic.
And I could taste my own ass. It sounds bad, maybe, but it's not so disgusting, not once you get used to it. There's a pungency. It doesn't taste like shit, but it does taste like an orifice. Like a deep, dark, inside place... a place where mouths are not meant to go.
"Now get fucked again."
I whipped back around, lifted my ass high in the air. I had to fish around for his cock. He lined it up and sunk it deep inside me to the hilt.
"Ahhhhhh!" I yelped.
Jorge laughed.
"And back into your mouth."
I came off the cock that had just gone balls-deep inside me, whipped around, and thrust it back into my mouth.
"Tell me that you love my cock."
I began to slide off his cock.
"Nope!" He grabbed the back of my head, still halfway down his thick shaft. "Tell me with my cock in your mouth."
"Ahh gllumm ur gogg." The guys laughed, slapped a warm high-five.
"Man, you are one fucked up cocksucker." I think that was meant as a compliment.
"Let's see 'em eat each other's assholes," said Jorge.
"Yeah..." replied nameless fucker.
"You hear that, ladies? I want you to 69... but do NOT touch each other's cocks. Assholes only."
I slid off my man's cock, scrambled to get under Joe... who was scrambling to get under me.
"Fuck. They both want to be on bottom!"
"Yeah, go figure," joked my guy.
Joe and I side-eyed him as we twisted our bodies so that we could get at each other's asses while avoiding each other's dicks.
It was hard.
We got there. Now and then we'd brush our cocks up against each other's chests. Horny Joe wanted it to happen, I could tell: he'd lose control of his body, start to thrust it towards me. "Hey! No fucking cock, bitch!" cried my man. Joe started moaning like a girl, crying out for release, getting nothing but pleasant, teasing stimulation on his butthole. I could taste in there lube, of course, plus the distinct aroma of recent cum. Yep, Joe had taken two loads from this guy already.
Meanwhile, Joe was getting a mouthful of what I'd gone through today.
We licked, and whined, and moaned. I grasped his ass. He grasped mine. I ran my hands down his smooth thighs--he must have shaved since I left. He ran his hands over mine.
Overall, we looked like two sissy faggots... which is exactly what we are.
"Come here, bitch, I wanna dump my load on your face." My guy looked me in the eye. I moved my mouth near his dick. "On the floor." I fell off the bed, scrambled to my knees. "Look up." I looked into his eyes. "Open wide, sissy." I opened my mouth obediently.
"Ohhh yeah... that's a hot looking little sissy right there. Fuuuuuuuuck... I'm gonna cum..."
As he stroked his fat dick, he began to shoot his load. The first shot covered my right eye down and over my nose. The next landed in my mouth. The third, a little bigger, landed under my nose and in my mouth. The fourth in my mouth again.
Then he thrust his dick inside me and shot the rest onto my tongue, mouth, and throat.
I watched as this guy finished his huge load. He reached over to the nightstand--my nightstand--and picked up his phone. "Look up, sweetheart." I did.
His cock still buried halfway in my mouth. My face still wet with fresh cum.
He snapped a picture.
I found that picture years later on the website Fetlife. I came to use that site as a way of finding reliable, or even reliably cruel, doms to fuck me. Some guy who, from the looks of his cock was this guy, posted it, along with photos of another dozen or so crossdressers. They were all so slutty, so nasty, so obviously degraded by him.
Then I realized, so was I.
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