"I was born in the wagon of a travellin' show. My mama used to dance for the money they'd throw..."
I kissed my man's soft lips to the beat of the music playing on my laptop speaker. Aidan looked sexy, all tied up on my bed. The red silk scarves gently held his arms in place over his head, attaching him to a single point in the middle of the headboard."You look so gorgeous," I whispered as I drew Celtic patterns down his beautifully tan arms with a sharpie, making sure to cover his needle marks. My boyfriend, Aidan DeSelena, had skin the color of caramel and dark brown hair that flowed just past his shoulders. He was a ballet dancer- key word being `was.' As of late, his long legs had been primarily used for shooting up heroin.
"Tania?" Aidan moaned in a sleepy voice.
I walked my fingers down the six-inch scar on his chest, which sat so elegantly between his pectorals. I only saw beauty; his living breathing body, his heart, his creative-passionate soul. But I knew that was not what he saw. Every morning, I would watch as he got out of the shower. When he looked in the mirror, the sight of his body would drive him to openly sob.
After three years, it had become annoying. Hence why I had the music playing on repeat- I needed to put myself into a more positive head-space. "You okay, baby?" I asked as I let my long black hair stroke his face. For our 'playdate' I had put on a soft, well-worn t-shirt with the Planet Hollywood logo. It was bought during our trip to Las Vegas. Stroking the fabric, I could remember falling asleep in his arms watching the sunrise from our hotel room on my twenty-first birthday. But I doubt he remembered any of it.
"T-," His voice was quivering. "I'm worried, should we establish a safeword?" His green eyes were filled with such innocence. "My back has really been hurting. And last night my leg was in spasm."
"Maybe you wouldn't be in so much pain if you went back to physical therapy," I muttered.
Aidan pursed his lips as tears rolled down his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I love you so much, Tania."
He was too sick, too far gone for rehab, and I wasn't about to sit back and watch him die alone in a psych ward. This was plan C, my last resort.
"It's ok." That was all I could say. I couldn't exactly get angry over the fact that he was still in mourning for his mother. Or the fact that he claims he could still feel every injury and broken bone from the car accident even though it happened three years ago. Yes, it had been his fault she died; he'd overdosed on heroin at his mother's house. She carried him to the car and attempted to drive him to the hospital in the middle of a snowstorm. And he awoke three days later to find out she'd crashed her Honda into a large tree.
It was a sad story, no doubt, but in my defense, there was a fine line between love and pity, and three years is a long time to force your heart to love someone. Aidan had lost the will to feel. It was as if denying himself happiness or even emotion could be seen as some kind of cosmic tribute, atonement for the fact that he lived when his mother died. He was the good son, his mother's son. But his heart was no longer mine.
"Tania, snap out of it!" The sound of my older brother's stern voice broke my trance. "And loosen the restraints, unless your intention is to amputate his hands." Tommy and I were both on the short side, at least compared to Aidan's supermodel physique. Tommy was 5'9", but muscular and strong. A former soldier, he wore the scars of combat on his face and chest.
I always found this unusual since he currently worked in an accounting firm as an executive assistant. "Sorry." I proceeded to loosen the knots as I continued my drawing on to Aidan's hands.
Tommy had been openly gay ever since high school, I could remember the first time we shared a lover. He walked me through how to truly pleasure a man. Not just to get him to ejaculate, that part was easy. He taught me the difference between making a man come and giving him a true orgasm. It came as no surprise that, when Tommy went off to college, after his time in the military, he took up BDSM as a weekend hobby. In fact, his supervisor was one of his clients.
"Tania, listen to me." My brother was naked, preparing his tools; an electric razor, a washcloth and some lube. "Aidan is here because he wants to be here. He wants to give this treatment a chance. So you need to give him a chance."
"I know, I'm sorry." I finished my design with a small pentagram on my boyfriend's middle finger, and then put down the sharpie. I had given Aidan an ultimatum; a 3-way with my brother or I was kicking him out of my apartment. But it had been Tommy who convinced him of the spiritual healing that would come, from being our sexual submissive.
"Feeling more comfortable?" I asked as I walked my fingers along Aidan's wrists, tracing his self-harm scars.
He nodded. "I'd still like a safe word, please."
"Fine, your safe word is 'honey.' How does that sound?" I kissed his forehead down his nose to his lips.
"Yeah," he said with a soft breath. "That sounds nice."
My fingers grazed over a particularly dense set of scars. "But don't worry my love. I'll be here the entire time." I could still picture the night I'd found him in my bathtub with a stomach full of pills and arms slashed. And the suicide note he addressed to his mother, not to me- that was what hurt more than anything.
"Ok, I trust you. I love you, Tania."
He sounded so pathetic, I forced a smile. "I love you too, Aidan."
Tommy was shaving Aidan's lower body with an electric razor, carefully wiping away the hairs with a moist washcloth.
Retrieving my sharpie I continued my design down his ribs to his hips. Aidan's cut muscles were like arrows pointing to the promise land. "Aidan, baby, I need you to relax. Tommy and I, we're going to worship your body, to bring out your inner strength." I looked in my brother's direction. "Maybe you two can bond over philosophy and pot again." I'd cooked a dinner of grilled vegetables and flatbread, but Tommy and Aidan mostly smoked.
"No," Tommy said as he kissed Aidan's hip. "I have a better idea." My brother's meaty hand gripped Aidan's cock at the base, holding his testicles with a gentle caress. It was just enough to keep Aidan still as Tommy swallowed him whole.
To see my brother deepthroating my boyfriend was all kinds of sexy but Aidan's body was still holding back.
"Tania?" Aidan swallowed hard. "Will you hold my hand?"
"Of course." I laid my upper body on top of his. The fabric of my t-shirt was between us but I could feel every panting breath. I kissed his lips.
"Do you want me to take off my shirt?"
"Yes please," he replied softly like a child asking for permission.
I made sure to put on a show, slowing removing off my shirt like a stripper giving a lapdance. With my breasts exposed, he took to my nipple like a starving infant. From behind me, I could feel Tommy rising up. He bent Aidan's knees, positioning him for penetration. With one hand Tommy slathered my boyfriend's hole with lube while the other hand masturbated Aidan's saliva-covered erection.
"Be gentle," I said, grabbing Tommy's arm. I had taken my boyfriend's anal virginity using vibrators, but my brother had a big, thick beer can of a cock. He could easily tear him up inside.
"Tania, I am a professional." He applied more lube directly to the head of his cock, and then began to spread Aidan open with two fingers.
Aidan's breath quickly became erratic. It was clear he was having a panic attack. "My leg, please Tania, my leg hurts."
Tommy knew about the extent of Aidan's injuries, how he did, in fact, have a metal bolt in his knee. "Take the restraints offs. I need you to hold him."
"Sure," I said as I kissed Aidan's cheek. The knots I had tied were pretty simple. I gently removed the scarves allowing him to put his arms around me.
Aidan was shivering, his throat was trembling as he struggled for breath. "I-I can't do this."
Cupping his face I kissed his lips over and over, keeping his focus on my eyes. "Look at me. I need you to give yourself away. Everything that you were, everything that you are, I need you to surrender it all."
"So I can forget about the crash?" he asked. Even in a state of panic, his mind had gone straight to his most powerful memory.
I forced myself to engage my compassion. "You will never forget about the crash. But it doesn't need to be your life's focus."
Aidan gasped. His muscles visibly clenched. "Oh fuck..."
I knew Tommy was inside him, it was just a matter of how deep. "It's ok, you'll be ok." I took a deep breath, and then released a stream of air on to his upper lip, working my way down his mouth until we were sharing one breath.
Tommy fucked him slowly, the excessive amount of lube sloshing in and out.
Beads of sweat were forming on Aidan's brow. He locked his mouth on to mine forcing kiss after passionate kiss. I could feel him moving his hands lower, his thumbs tracing along the elastic waistband of my underwear.
I elegantly slipped out of my jeans and then my plain white panties. "Is this what you want?" I asked as I straddled his face. In my mind I was transported back to high school; our sophomore year the first time he went down on me. "Do you remember what you used to say to me, back when we made out in the girl's locker-room?"
"I said you tasted sweet," he whispered as he kissed my inner thigh, "like honey." "Honey?" I asked, remembering the safeword I promised him. I moved to lay by his side, to look into his eyes and read his expression.
Tommy gripped my hand before Aidan could answer. "Tania, I will require your assistance."
I quickly sat up. "Okay, sure."
"Honey?" Aidan repeated. This time I could hear the desperation in his voice. Tommy was tenderly massaging Aidan's leg. "I can leave if you'd like," I could tell he was addressing only me, "and you can simply make love to him."
Why did he have to say 'love'? I needed him to stay. I couldn't go through with this without him. "We're good." Aidan would melt my heart the way he always did and I wouldn't be able to stop myself.
The song restarted. I knew the track was only three minutes. Had we been at this for only three minutes? Or had my mind been lost in thought?
I turned myself around so I was facing away from Aidan.
On my hands and knees, I could feel his tongue go inside, his hands gripping my thighs. I looked down at his cock. I wanted so badly to take him in my mouth if only to show him how badly I missed him.
Tommy was pounding him with slow deliberate thrusts. "Let your boyfriend come on your tits, and then finish him off with your mouth."
I moved closer, rubbing my boyfriend's cock between my breasts. I could feel Aidan holding my legs tighter, pulling me towards him. My thighs quivered. It was difficult to maintain focus but I managed to lock my gaze on the head of Aidan's throbbing cock.
Tommy sucked in his stomach muscles. "I'm about to come in your boyfriend's tight little ass."
As he said those words I could feel Aidan's mouth on my clit. "Do it. Fuck him hard!"
I always loved the warrior expression Tommy made when he was about to blow his load. You would think he was getting ready to fire a machine gun.
I felt my core tighten as a climax washed over me. I let out a moan as Aidan put his arms around me, pulling me close for a kiss. But I resisted, instead I rested my head on his chest while Tommy got into bed, cuddling with us both.
"How's the leg?" Tommy asked.
"It's good." Aidan leaned back, taking a long deep breath. "I feel strong."
Tommy massaged Aidan between his legs, working from his inner thighs up to his hips.
"Do you feel strong enough to start physical therapy?"
"Yeah, I think I do."
Tommy kissed his cheek. "Then my work here is done."
I reached my hand out to my brother. "Thank you."
Tommy only nodded. "This is what you wanted."
Suddenly Aidan's eyes glazed over. His lips crept into a smile too big for his face. As I kissed his chest I could feel that his heart had stopped. Everything was going perfectly, according to plan.
"Tania?" my boyfriend whispered as he opened his eyes. The irises were now completely black.
"What is your name?"
"Alexi," he replied, his voice now had a Russian accent.
"When did you die?"
"1921."
"How fascinating. Were you an artist?"
"I was an acrobat in a traveling circus."
I was certainly not expecting that answer. "Did you die on stage?"
"No," he said with a chuckle. "I died of fever one very cold winter. I was nineteen, just weeks away from marrying my beloved. I passed without ever taking a lover."
I smiled. The spell had worked perfectly. I had summoned a soul who died sexually pure; a piece of marble for me to carve into as I pleased.
Alexi licked my earlobe, as he whispered, "When I'm back at 100% I'm going to give you the performance of a lifetime."
The tone of his voice sent a shiver down my spine. "I can't wait." I would miss Aidan. I just hope he's as happy as I am, wherever his soul ended up.
"They'd call us Gypsies, tramps, and thieves'' But every night all the men would come around And lay their money down..."