This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between males, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Joshua Alan Black II
Barbie Warfield -- my mother
Dennis Warfield -- my stepfather
Wilma Warfield -- Dennis's mother ("Missy" to me)
Francis Warfield -- Dennis's father -- ("Sir" to me.)
Alva Benson -- my Gram (Grandma)
Iver Benson -- my Pop (Grandpa)
Richard -- My favorite Cousin
Ray and Raul -- Richards' older brothers.
Nate Willows -- My first roomie.
Rudy Chanbers -- Friend across the hall.
Randy "Rascal" Ringstrom. Tutor
Wayne "Bulge" Andrews -- Rudy's room mate
Roger Schwimmer -- a football player.
James Meriwether -- Mid-year Transfer
From Chapter 8:
"Sorry Joshua," the nurse said, "but it's crazy busy out here, and I'm going to have to have an aid bring your meal."
"Meal?!" I echoed. I actually get a meal?"
She looked at a chart. "Soup." She said.
"Soup again?!"
"Oh -- and some Jello."
Goody!
In a few minutes, the door opened and I looked over to see a rear end, with the body attached, pulling a food tray through the door. When the aid turned, I saw the wide smile of my brother!
"You!" I said.
"Hi. Little brother!" Said Nate.
Chapter 9
Close behind him was another guy I assumed was the real nurse's aide. Nate came over and kissed me on the lips. "Josh, you're my favorite person in the world! I want you to meet my friend, Cary."
He turned to the other guy and Cary was pouting. "Well?!!" Said Nate. "I've known my brother longer!" Cary extended his fist and I buffed it. On second look, Cary looked more like a footballer than a nurses aide.
"Cary and I are officially together! Thank God for `don't ask, don't tell'! He is in the class above me."
"Which means that I'm not as low on the scum gauge as your brother!" teased Cary.
"He goes to a military school, Doll!" Said my brother to his "friend", "He knows all about the scum class. But he came in as a junior, so he had an advantage. That and his Taekwondo and then his status as son of the General. No one messes with my little brother -- including me!"
"You used to!" I pouted. The pout was real, but was crafted to throw Cary (at least) off.
Nate blew that cover! "This little booger taught me everything I know about sex, Doll!"
"Thanks, Josh!" said Cary. I think he meant it!
"You don't know me well enough to call me that!" I thought. "Any time I can be of service!" I said, sarcastically.
Cary looked at my brother and said, "Do I see a threesome in our future?!! Your little brother -- who by the way -- looks older than you -- is a hottie!"
"I've had a hard life." I said humorlessly, looking away.
"Well -- anyway -- Cary has to get back to the Point." Said Nate. "I got a pass to be here but - He's AWOL. But I dragged him here to meet my little brother. See you back in prison, Doll." Cary turned and Nate patted his butt as he left. Then Nate closed the door and came back and kissed me proper.
"God, I have missed you, Bro!"
"I've prayed to hear you say that, Nate. I will never stop loving you!" I said.
"Oh -- that." He said. "Um -- well -- yeah. Look I don't want to get started on that again. "You know how I feel about incest."
"I know you love me to make love to you!" I said, turning my head and feeling myself sinking.
"Can't we just be brothers, Josh? Okay, I'll admit - - no one can fuck me as good as you can. No one has that tool of yours and certainly no one I've been with has your pile driver ass!"
"So there've been a lot of guys checking your levels -- with their dip sticks?" I said.
"Well -- not THAT many."
"But -- enough!" I said. Have you bothered to be safe ... use a condom -- with these guys?"
"Of course! I'm not stupid!" He said, sounding irritated I'd even ask.
"Well, I guess I'm glad you've settled down to one. Are you gonna give me that lukewarm soup, or shall we wait for it to get cold?"
Like I feel.
Nate tried to keep things upbeat, but I couldn't say anything that was positive. After I ate my soup and Jello, he said good bye and gave me another passionate kiss and said he'd come by again in the morning before he leaves.
Don't bother.
See you later, Nate." I said, forcing a little enthusiasm.
After he left, I got sick and lost my soup and Jello. I went back and forth cursing my brother and then myself -- for treating him so bad. He got a special leave to see me -- and then I go and act all jealous and snippy when he has made it clear -- even in the past -- that I should not plan a future with him. All I wanted was ... Him!
I had slept too much in the last six months, but still felt sleepy. That's one of the things that deep depression can do to a person. I tossed and turned, wishing for the relief of unconsciousness.
"You probably should think of getting up." A voice in my head said. I ignored it.
"Joshua?" It said. It WASN'T in my head. "Joshua Black?"
I turned and there was a boy standing in the doorway. With the light behind him, it was hard to see, but my first thought was, "An angel! I must be dead."
"Are you Joshua Black?" He said again. "May I turn on the light?"
I doubted an angel needed the light.
"Why not?" I shrugged.
The light came on and I immediately saw that this was no boy. He looked to be maybe thrity. He asked if it was okay for him to come closer.
"Who -- who are you?" I said.
"Name's Seth. Seth Gary. Your step-dad asked me to stop in to see you."
"My step -- you mean Dennis?"
"Yes. Dennis Warfield."
"What the fuck does he -- and who are you, Mr. Seth Gary?" I asked.
"Actually it's Dr. Seth Gary, but I prefer to be called Seth."
"And Dennis sent you? I don't get it. What kind of game is he trying to play?"
"I don't know of any game, Joshua, but let me tell you what he told me."
I sat up in bed. He again asked if he could come in. I nodded curtly. "Joshua -- here's the story I was told. And let me preface it with -- I don't come cheap. But I also don't come expensive. I do this as a service. Apparently your father -- General Willows, if I have the name right -- approached your step-father, and as he put it, threatened him with bodily harm, because of his part in landing you ... in here.
"Mr. Warfield told me that when the General approached him like that, he broke down and asked for mercy. The General said he remembered something you said to him, about how -- Dennis was abused too -- something like that."
"Wait a minute! Something's not right here!" I said. "I was telling my dad that this afternoon! Where did you come from?"
"I live in Vermont."
"Holy shee-yit!" I said.
"What?"
"I must have gone down again."
"Gone down?"
"I was in a coma for months. I've been up and down for weeks. I thought it was over."
"Something must have triggered it again." Said Seth. "What was the last thing that happened before you went to sleep?"
"I was -- wait a minute! I still don't know why you're here -- other than Dennis -- what -- hired you?"
"Well, sort of. I am a reality therapist, and he heard of me somewhere, and contacted me. He IS paying my expenses, but I am bound to you."
"Bound to me?"
"Anything you tell me is privileged. I won't tell anyone else. That's set by law."
"Oh." I said. I looked closer at him. He had a scar on his face, and coal black hair -- with a little gray sprinkled in. "My brother was here."
"Huh?"
"The last thing that happened was my brother was here.'
"Did he do something to - "
"Ooooh yeaaah."
I talked to Seth for hours. He made me walk down to the hospital cafeteria, and just kept learning about my life by asking questions. Something about him made me feel very comfortable. I told him everything. Finally he told me: "I'm gay too, Joshua. And -- I've been through a lot, myself -- including a suicide attempt."
We came back to my room and he spent the next hour telling me in a nutshell all the things that had happened to him. He wasn't as old as I thought, but he laughed and said thanks for thinking he was prematurely wise. About when he was halfway finished with his story, my bedside phone rang.
"Hello?" I said.
"Thank God!" Said the unmistakable voice of my father. "Has a therapist stopped by to see you? You said you'd like to talk to one."
"Oh yeah. He's here now. I really like him."
"He's someone that your stepfather found out about. I guess he talked at length with Dennis too."
"I know about that."
"Did he tell you that I went to see Dennis?"
"Yes. It sounded as if you and he made up."
"I hardly know the dildo. And I was about to give him reason to think twice about ever molesting another child, when I remembered - "
"Yeah, Seth told me. So -- you had to give your okay -- for Seth to come?"
"Yeah."
"How long was I out this time?"
"Two weeks."
"Seth calls that an escape."
"Yes, I'm sure it was. Your brother was devastated and blames himself. I blame myself too."
"Why?"
"I guess I didn't really realize how vulnerable you still are, and I told him that you needed a graphic illustration that -- you and he couldn't be -- a couple."
"You -- you KNEW about that?!!"
"Actually, you told me -- once when you were delirious and thought I was Nathan. It was how I found out about him."
"Shee-yit!" I said. "Oh! Sorry Sir!"
"Sometimes there's justification, Son! Anyway -- I'm glad you like Dr. Gary. He seemed pretty nice to me and his credentials are -- well -- good. If he's there now, I will let you get back to him. Welcome back to the land of the living! I'll see you tonight. I love you, Josh!"
"Bye."
"For what it's worth -- I agree with what your dad told your brother to do. It may have set you back a bit, but from here, we go forward -- right?"
Seth got me to realize that I wasn't as grown up as I thought. My psyche and my emotions were still very much 15 years old. He also told me that he would be discussing this fact only -- with those close to me -- because he got the impression that THEY also viewed me -- and treated me -- like I was much older.
"That's what happened to me, Joshua. I had to grow up too damned fast."
"My -- my friend's call me Josh."
"Thank you -- Josh! Josh, You deserve to stay a kid for a few years -- at LEAST until you're twenty-five!" He laughed. "I know I look and maybe sometimes even act like I'm forty, but I'm only 26. My partner is 28 and looks and acts like about 15 sometimes. I like that about him. We try to keep each other young.
"Everyone in your life abandon's you, Josh. You aren't paranoid. What I want to do is help you deal with that, and how to try to avoid it in the future. From the little we have talked today, I suspect that you invite it by clinging to people."
When he said that, my eyes welled up and I started to cry uncontrollably. Seth held me -- totally appropriately -- and let me cry. "That's it, Josh, don't hold back. That's great therapy. Do you usually hold back -- crying?"
I shook my head. Then said -- in-between sobs -- that I could cry over some things, but when it came to crying around people -- especially those who had hurt me -- I was very resistant.
"Selective, Huh? That's interesting. Usually when a person turns it off, he cannot be selective. It's all or nothing."
I just kept blubbering as he talked -- soothingly, telling me it was okay and that this was the thing I needed right now.
Seth stayed five days, and became my best friend. More than that -- you guessed it -- I fell in love with him. He told me that was one of the downsides of therapy of this nature. He didn't do anything inappropriate, and assured me that he had a wonderful partner back in Vermont. He showed me a picture of Luke, and said that photography could not possibly catch hue of his hair and eyes: Blue and purple! The picture showed them together. Both are short and slight built.
Seth left, but also left his cell number with me. When I escaped the first time -- (my coma!) it was not long before graduation. I had enough credits to graduate, so I applied for my diploma and of course got it.
I thought about looking up Roger -- or maybe staying at home and dating Jim. But I was not really excited about either possibility. Even though Jim was my age, he was still only a high school sophomore, and that in itself would be tricky -- even though we lived under the same roof. He understood that the sex that we did have (and make no mistake -- we DID!) was only for fun. Obviously he wasn't as screwed up as I had been -- probably still was.
And Seth had convinced me that anyone as old as Roger should be off limits for now. I got the idea that Seth disapproved of a lot of sex at my age, but he stopped short of actually saying it.
With my grade point average, I could go anywhere within reason. . I chose to stay at home, go to a junior college, and bury myself in my studies. I was more comfortable there. There were several high school guys that took college classes there. I asked Seth what he thought about me taking up psychology. He said to just take general courses for the first two years, and then I would be in more of a place to choose a real major.
I got a job at a local burger joint until the next semester started at the JC. Of course I got into the wrestling program there -- which is where I met Jakub. Yeah, it's pronounced, yock-ub. He is from Russia, and is very blond, clear, light blue eyes with a cute Russian accent and - and a very cute smile. Jakub is smallish -- definitely not even close to my weight class, so we never even got to share a mat in practice.
Dammit!
"Good to see another like me!" He said to me one day we were alone in the shower room."
"Huh?"
"Most of you Americans are -- how you say it -- cut." He said, pointing at my uncut meat.
"Oh -- yeah, that's true." I said, turning away from him to rinse off -- and at least appear a little modest -- which of course I'm NOT!
I gave myself a few extra flips while rinsing - to firm it up just a little more, then soaped my hair. I closed my eyes for the hair washing and then when I rinsed, I leaned back, letting the shower rinse through my hair and flow down my back. Of course that made my front protrude all that much more.
Just as I expected, he was staring at it when I opened my eyes. He may have been embarrassed somewhat -- but unlike most other guys, he commented. "That's a very nice -- um -- piece of meat -- you have there, Black."
He knows my name!
He finished rinsing himself and especially rubbed and flipped his own intact piece then offered that same hand for me to shake. I smiled at the clear come on -- as I saw it. "I am Jakub." (Yockub)
"Hi!" I'm Joshua.
"Ah yes -- the successor to Moses." He said. "I wonder if Moses and Joshua were as close as David and Jonathan?"
"Huh?" I said.
He rubbed between his genitals and his thighs as he said, "David and Jonathan in the Bible."
"I've never read the Bible."
"There is much wisdom there -- and many good stories. But not many as erotic as David and Jonathan."
"Who are they?" I said, turning my shower off.
"You don't know of David in the Bible? The one who slew the giant?"
"Oh. Well, I never read it, but I heard of David and Goliath. Was Goliath a giant?"
"It says so in the Bible." He said, as he turned off his shower.
"You seem to know a lot about the Bible." I said. I was out of my league.
He laughed. For his size, he had a very low voice, and that was sexy to me! "Haha! Everyone knows about that story."
"I don't know the story. I only have heard people refer to them when a little guy beats a bigger guy. That's in the Bible, huh? And there really were giants -- in the Bible?"
"Yes, and men who lived to 900 years old."
"Nuh-uh!" I said.
"Yes! You should read about it. But I think you might like better the story of David and Jonathan."
"Why?" I asked. It hit me as funny that we were standing naked in the shower room discussing the Bible.
"Because it justifies us."
"Justifies -- huh?"
"You are gay -- right?" he asked.
"Um -- why do you ask?" I said.
"Because my gaydar has been working overtime on you since last week."
"Wow!" I said, and laughed.
"I have been fighting it since the first day."
"Fighting what?" I asked.
"My gaydar! First it would tell me you were and then that you were not. But today I saw you looking at me and then just now in the shower -- when you plumped up your penis and then paraded it for me as you rinsed your hair. I decided that was not an accident."
"Whew!" I said, feeling my cheeks and ears burning.
"Do not be worried. I too am gay. And up until a few minutes ago I thought that someone as old as you would not be interested in me."
"How old are you?"
"I am only 17."
"I am only 15."
"Actually 17 1/2. And what??!! You? 15? You are playing with me!"
"Yeah, I lied." I said. "I'm actually 15 1/2."
And -- I think I WANT to play with this boy!
"You are really 15?"
"I am!"
"You are a high school student? And here taking classes?" Oh, I am so sorry! So -- you are NOT gay at all! You are only young!"
"No -- I am as straight as any mountain road."
"Well, please accept my apology. I thought -- what? Mountain roads are not straight!"
"Neither am I!" I laughed. "And neither am I in high school. So -- where can we go for our further study -- of the Bible?"
"Huh? You want to -- study the Bible?"
"I want to know more about David and what's his name -- to justify being gay."
"I can show you. If you want to visit my home?"
"Do you live with your parents?"
"Yes. It was they who have taught me to love the Bible."
"They taught you about David and -- what did you say his name - "
"Jonathan. Well my parents didn't tell me they were gay. I figured that out for myself. And really -- at least David was bisexual. He had several wives and he loved them."
"Um -- as fun as it is standing here naked with you -- I'm getting a little cold."
"Yes, hehe, you Americans are a little wimpy when it comes to the cold. In Russia -- where I am from -- it regularly stays below zero for weeks. We are used to the cold. It sometimes comes in handy to have a warm body during those long cold spells!"
"And you have been warmed by a lot of different warm bodies?"
"I have dreamed about it a lot." He grinned. Now it was his turn to blush. Then it dawned on me.
"You're -- a -- virgin -- aren't you?"
He blushed again and said, "It's not such a bad thing -- is it?"
"And your parents -- what have you told them?"
"They must never know!"
"They're going to figure it out -- eventually."
"They have already chosen my mate."
"Wha-at?" I said.
"She is still in Russia."
"You will of course tell them before you -- um -- how do you know you are gay?"
"I have tried it with a girl once. She was very sexy, and she liked the way I looked. But I could not -- do -- anything with her. I did not get aroused and when I kissed her, there was no -- um -- feeling. So -- you will come?"
I smiled at the double meaning that maybe he didn't even get. "Come where?"
"To my home -- to study the Bible."
"Oh -- I dunno -- when?"
He retrieved his phone from his designer jeans. He spoke in Russian for a few moments, and then looked up to me. "If you can -- I would like you to come to me Friday -- for the dinner that my mother will prepare. She is a very good cook."
"I think that will work just fine. How will I get there? I'm not old enough to drive." I smirked.
"I am this old. You may come with me -- if you like it?"
Each day we met in wrestling practice. Each day we stayed after and talked. He told me about some other people he researched. He asked if I knew who Herod was. "Didn't he kill Jesus?" I asked.
"Well, the first Herod tried to kill him as an infant. He was insane at his death. Do you know who Marc Anthony is?"
"Of course. He was the conqueror under Julius Caesar. He loved Cleopatra." I said.
"Yes, that is true. But he played with the children of Herod."
"What?"
The same Herod who tried to kill Jesus as a baby -- sent 2 of his children to Marc Anthony -- to be his play things -- when he was not making love to Cleopatra.
"A king! And he - "
"He wasn't really a king. But Caesar let him think he was."
"But he sent his daughters for Marc Anthony to have sex with? Were they just some kind of gift?"
"Oh no! Marc Anthony lusted after them both. And they weren't both girls. One was a young boy. Josephus says that this young boy was beautiful beyond measure and that Marc Anthony made it known that had to have him."
I thought about Dennis and how he broke me in. It can't have been all that different. Parents that didn't care about the children -- only using them for their own pleasure or -- gain. What evil people these are. I wondered what drove Herod to do that to his own children.
"So there have been many gay people in history!" I marveled.
"Yes. Have you heard of the Apostle Paul?"
"No."
"He was one of the Apostles of Jesus. Some say he was gay. But he preferred to keep himself away from those things. That is probably why he was not married. He said he had a thorn in the flesh that he never tells about. I believe that he was gay and did not act on it."
"You've studied this a lot."
"I have. I want to be justified before I do anything."
Friday arrived. I told my father and stepmother not to expect me home for dinner. "Let us know if you will be late." Said the General.
I had classes all day Friday, but Jakub had to wait for me, because his only class was at 9:00 AM. When he met me after my last class, it was obvious that he had been home and was dressed to kill. He had skin tight jeans on and a see through shirt open in the front. His smooth as glass chest made me drool.
"Wow! You look amazing!" I said as we walked from my class to the parking lot.
"Thanks!"
"Um - I can't believe that your parents haven't guessed that you are gay. No straight guy would wear those clothes. I mean -- they look incredible and -- amazingly sexy, but ... "
"Many guys dress this way in Europe. It is not unusual there -- to show off your body. Rather -- it seems here that men try to hide their bodies. You can always know the Americans at any beach in Europe. All European men wear very small bikini swim suit -- or none at all on some beaches. The Americans always wear long surfer shorts.. They look very out of place in Europe."
"I see." I said, as I followed him out to the parking lot. He led me directly to a Ferrari F430 Spider (Convertible) "Hop in!" Said Jakub.
"You're joking -- where's your car?"
"This is my car." He pressed a button on his key fob and it started and quietly hummed. "Door's open. You may as well leave it open in a convertible. They'll slash the top if they really want to get in."
I gingerly opened the door and got in. He was already sitting and buckling his seat belt.
Vroom! He pressed the accelerator and we were flying out of the parking lot before I even had my belt on. I assumed he was in town, but he hit the highway and we went for 30 minutes before he turned off the highway and drove to a moderate home in a modest neighborhood. I felt a little better. I was afraid he lived in a mansion. I hate mansions. Dennis's parents lived in a mansion. I was relieved.
When we came into the house, after parking in the garage, I was impressed at the spotless - - everything. Everything was as modest as the neighborhood was. Now I was really curious about the car.
I expected something like beet borsch but instead was served some of the best beef I ever ate. "Please accept my apology for the simple meal." Said Jakub's mother in barely understandable English. "we are simple people."
"This is a wonderful meal, Mrs. Ivanov. Thank you very much.
"We have prepared it especially for you. Jakub has never brought someone home before."
"You look confused, Yeshua," Jakub's father called me, "Is there something you wish to ask us?"
"Your hospitality is wonderful. I am embarrassed if you have put yourself out for me. I only was wondering about the car that Jakub drives."
"It is from his father-in-law." Said Jakub's mother.
To my even more wide eyed expression, Jakub explained, "It is my future Father-in-law. In ussia there is no such distinction."
"Oh." I said.
That explains everything!
As soon as we were alone, I couldn't contain myself. "Jakub -- you have to tell them. How can you drive that car -- and pretend everything is okay."
"This is a cultural thing, Joshua."
I really wanted him to call me Josh, but was uncomfortable with his attitude about his future in-laws. "Is stupid tradition -- this idea of the parents choosing a mate for their offspring. I do not accept it. I have told them this many times. My father-in-law has given me the car to bribe me."
"And you have accepted the bribe! That means you accept the conditions that go with it."
"Ah -- but I have not! I told them when they almost forced the car on me that it was not proper for me to drive it -- because I was not in agreement with their arrangement."
"But - " I said.
"They told me to drive it anyway and to think about it some more. And also promised much more, if I should decide to agree to the arrangement. I know that they are putting pressure on me this way, and expect me to agree because of the car -- but it is not that way with me."
"So -- when you finally tell them - "
"I told you -- I do not intent to tell them - "
"When you do tell them that you will not agree to this -- um -- arrangement -- then you will lose the car?"
"Well - - no. It is in my name. And if my parents ever find out that I am gay, I will sell the car to help with expenses -- for I will have no support -- at all."
"You mean they'll kick you out?"
"... and disown me."
"Your parents are wonderful people. They have been so very nice to me. Surely they won't kick you out." I said.
"Oh, believe me -- they will. And it is getting late -- for us to study the Bible. Can you be here all night?"
I called home and told my stepmother than I would not be home. She handed the phone to the General.
"Joshua" He said forcefully, then he softened, " -- Josh -- I have not been a very good father to you -- in the past -- because I didn't even know you existed. Dr. Gary says that we should not assume you can handle being older than 15, and that you should be treated more like a 15-year-old. Is that what you understood?"
I swallowed hard. "Yes, Sir." I said mildly.
"Josh -- I know that even fifteen-year-olds sometimes -- erm -- fool around. I don't want to assume anything, but ... you will be careful -- won't you, son?"
"I will -- yes - - Dad." It was hard to say, but I felt that it might have the correct effect. I felt devious and dirty using this tactic. But Sometimes I just don't feel fifteen.
"Good. Have fun. Um -- how old is this -- um -- young man?"
"Seventeen." I said.
"Oh -- okay." He seemed surprised. "Um -- what are your plans for the evening?"
"We're going to -- oh, sir! You won't believe it!"
"I might."
"We're going to study the Bible."
I heard an intake of breath. "Oh. You're right -- that did take me by surprise. Well, whatever you really do -- be careful."
"Dad -- we really are going to study the Bible. It's why he invited me here in the first place."
"Well -- okay then. I have learned to trust your word, Joshua -- JOSH! Then -- have um -- fun."
"Dad," I said, looking directly into Jakub's eyes, knowing he was hearing what I said, "I really like Jakub -- a lot!" Jakub grinned.
"I thought as much. I noticed just this morning -- how excited you were to go home with him this afternoon. As I said, Son, -- have fun!"
"Thanks Dad." I said.
I hung up and could not even speak for a few moments. "Are you well?" asked Jakub, concerned.
My eyes glassed over and I said, haltingly, "I just -- never knew -- how a parent -- could love me -- this much."
"I think I know this feeling. My parents trust me -- more than they should -- and love me more than they should."
"No! Don't ever say that?" I suddenly blurted out. "They may never understand you or what you are going through -- but they could never love you more than they should!" My eyes filled.
My tears prompted Jakub to hug me -- close. His mother walked by his open bedroom door. "Iss avvertyting okay, Jakub?"
"Мать!" He said. I assumed that was what he called his mother. He was completely undone and chagrinned being seen in this position with me
"I was touched by talking to my father, Mrs. Ivanov. I have recently come to live with him. He has shown me more -- um -- love than -- I am used to."
Mrs. Ivanov looked at her son. He translated what I said. She smiled, then looked concerned and said something to me in Russian. "She says she's sorry that you have not had an ideal childhood, but is happy you have found relief."
"Thank you." I told her. She smiled and continued down the hall.
"Thank YOU!" Said Jakub."
"Me? For what?"
"Saving my ass! I didn't know what to say when she caught us hugging."
"Sometimes the truth is the easiest." I said.
"The truth about how you made me feel -- could not be expressed to her."
"And I know THAT feeling. It can't be expressed -- in words -- to anyone."
"This thing is true, Joshua. But still -- thank you. Shall we study?"
He took me to his desk, where his Bible was open, with several bookmarkers in it. Also there was a larger book called "The Complete works of Josephus". It said it was the newer, larger type version. It had tiny type!
"What is this?" I asked.
"Josephus? He was the main historian -- besides the bible -- about the time of Christ. He's the one who tells us of Mark Anthony's affairs with Herod's children -- and of Herod's insanity. Josephus was a Jew ... but then so was Herod -- at least in name. He was one scary dude!"
"I love your accent!" I said.
"You're really not into this Bible stuff, are you?"
"Yes -- I AM!" I protested. "Show me about David and -- was it John?"
"David and Jonathan."
He showed me more than I wanted to know, but I was attentive and he told -- and showed me -- how Jonathans father was the king when David slew Goliath. He said that as soon as Jonathan saw David he fell in love with him. It made sense to me! But he also told me that because of David's charisma, nearly everyone he met fell for him in one way or another -- so much so that Saul, Jonathan's father got jealous and tried many times to have David killed. And also how Jonathan helped David escape.
He said that during this time, homosexuality was not seen as such a bad thing -- in the world -- as it is now. But the Jews saw it as abomination. The older Greek and Roman soldiers often took a young teen lover into battle and fought valiantly to protect him.
When he was done, it was very late. Jakub had twin beds in his room. He said the other bed had never been used. "My mother worries because I never bring anyone home."
"Why haven't you?"
"I have been afraid of how I would react with another boy in my room at night.
"And -- how do you feel about it now?" I asked.
"I like it. I have always been afraid to make friends with another boy. But I wasn't afraid of you -- once I decided you were gay. Did you like what I taught you tonight?"
"I have loved being here -- with you -- and hearing your theories about the Bible. I like them."
"I'm glad you like them. I was hoping that maybe you might want to teach me some things too." He said, peering hungrily into my eyes.
My stomach twisted and I felt butterflies. Something else further south also made its presence known.
"What did you want me to teach you?" I asked.
Notes: Our boy has been on a roller coaster ride, Hasn't he? His earlier abuse and vulnerable state now -- caused his subconscious to rebel and take him down -- to protect him from further abuse. He -- as 15-year-old -- was forced to grow up and "mature" too soon. And as mature as he acts sometimes, at other times he just needs to escape and be the child. Since he has not been given this option -- his subconscious did it for him. Seth has made Josh's loved ones realize this, so maybe now he can start to get some of his childhood back ...
Comments are welcome, as always -- to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and love, Steve