This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between males, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Joshua Alan Black II
Barbie Warfield -- my mother
Dennis Warfield -- my stepfather
Wilma Warfield -- Dennis's mother ("Missy" to me)
Francis Warfield -- Dennis's father -- ("Sir" to me.)
Alva Benson -- my Gram (Grandma)
Iver Benson -- my Pop (Grandpa)
Richard -- My favorite Cousin
Ray and Raul -- Richards' older brothers.
Nate Willows -- My first roomie.
Rudy Chanbers -- Friend across the hall.
Randy "Rascal" Ringstrom. Tutor
Wayne "Bulge" Andrews -- Rudy's room mate
Roger Schwimmer -- a football player.
James Meriwether -- Mid-year Transfer
From Chapter 7:
"Jim -- I'm gay."
"You -- are?"
"I am. Don't tell your dad." I chuckled.
"Wow! Well, I'm not, but you know -- I've always wondered about a couple things."
"What's that?" I said.
"Aw -- stuff like -- well -- you know -- you were telling me about your step -- I mean what your step-father -- um -- did to you -- Did you -- um -- like it?"
"I hated that he forced it on me -- and that when he wasn't fucking me -- he didn't really care about me."
"But -- did you like it while he was doing it? I mean -- I always wondered what it would feel like. I'm kinda like that. I wonder what it would be like to -- um -- suck a guys dick, or to have him suck mine -- and all -- or how it would feel to me -- um -- well -- have a guy up my butt! What's that like?"
"Are you asking me to show you?"
"Well -- um -- no! I mean -- well -- what would you think -- if I DID want that? Would you think I was weird?"
Chapter 8
"I think a lot of guys think about those things. But not being straight -- I dunno for sure.
"Um -- I guess. Um -- but -- I mean -- I AM very curious."
"Jim -- are you asking if you can suck my dick?"
"Un -- well -- maybe -- um -- can I -- I mean -- what would you -- um -- think -- if we just kind of -- um -- felt -- it?"
"You wanna feel it?"
"Um -- well -- I would be curious."
I took his hand and pulling my jams down, put his hand on it. He squeezed it and I heard the tiniest moan. "Is that okay?" He said.
"I said, sure -- go for it." He was beside me now, and he slowly stroked my boner, at the same time, humping my side. I could feel the wetness on his jams.
"Am I doing it right?" He asked.
I put my arm around his back and pulled him closer. "You're doing just fine!" I said, kissing his cheek. He giggled.
"Um -- I mean -- can I um - "
"You wanna suck it?"
"YEAH!" And he started to bend down over me.
I stopped him. "I should probably wash it first. An uncut dick gets smegma under the hood."
"Smecula? Hood? What?"
"Smegma -- it's kind of a goo that forms under the hood -- er -- you know the foreskin."
"Oh. And -- you want to wash it off?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"It can get to smelling pretty sharp."
"Sharp?"
"You know -- like sharp cheese?"
"I like sharp cheese!"
"I should wash it."
"Do you wash it for gay guys?"
"I haven't been with that many." I said.
"But the ones you have been with -- do they like it?"
"Um -- well -- actually -- yeah."
"Then I wanna try it. I like sharp cheese."
"It's not sharp cheese."
He bent down and sniffed it. "Whewwww!" He sucked air. "That IS something."
"That's only the outside. That's nothing compared to -- uh!" He yanked down the foreskin. I pulled away.
"What happened?" He said, alarmed.
"It's pretty sensitive. You have to work your way up to -- being -- rough -- with it."
"Sorry. I mean -- I didn't -- Sorry! Are you okay?"
"Yeah -- just take it easy -- and slow."
He again stripped the skin back, very slowly. It was so slow that it was really turning me on. Then he smelled it up close. "Whooooooo-Wee!" That IS strong."
"Like I said, I should wash it."
"No! I want to experience it. I may never get another chance like this. This is really weird! I've known you less than a week and I somehow know I can trust you. Are you sure you're okay with this?"
"You can trust ME? Jim, I like you! I tried NOT to like you -- but you won me over with your persistence."
"You -- you -- tried -- NOT to like me?"
"You didn't notice -- when we first met -- what a dick I was?"
"You said that a couple times. No -- I didn't notice."
"Jim -- I have been in a slump -- for the last six months! You forced me to come out of it -- at least for awhile."
"What happened?"
"A guy I loved decided -- or told me -- he doesn't really love me -- like that."
"So he was just using you?"
"No, it wasn't like that. He -- um -- it wasn't like that. It's complicated."
"Oh -- well -- can I -- um -- taste it?"
"I'm a little afraid." I said.
"Of what?"
"That you'll not like it and -- um -- Jim, I really like you and -- I really want you to like it!"
"I can smell it and it's doing something to me inside. It's kind of weird. It's a little uncomfortable, but -- I -- um -- like the feeling! I promise -- if I don't like it -- we'll tri it again -- after you wash it off."
He didn't wait for my okay. He just took me into his mouth and sucked on it like a sucker, basically having almost the same reaction as Roger had. He seemed to vibrate -- his whole body shaking almost violently at first, but then he started to hump the bed and suck it and tongue, but with no bobbing. I tickled his ears a little. He let it go.
"Did I do it right -- I mean -- omigod! That was unreal! Thank you for letting me do that. I may never want to taste that again, but -- I bet I'll never forget it! Then he went back on it and sucked some more.
"Maybe if you let it go in and out a few times - " I suggested.
"Oh!" he said, letting it go again. "Duh!" he giggled again, and said, "Sorry."
"No problem."
He went back down and started bobbing like he thought he knew what he was doing.
"Watch the teeth!" I warned"
"Sowwy!" he mumbled.
"Um -- Jim - - Jim -- Jim -- I have to cum!"
"Mm-hm!" he said and kept bobbing. I stifled a cry as the first volley was thrown into his mouth. It dripped out all over me and his bed, but he was trying to get as much as he could, swallowing it.
When my boner was finished convulsing into him, he came back up and said, "That was -- awesome! I'll bet a gay guy would like it even more, huh?'
Ignoring the question, I said, "What did you think of the taste -- of the spunk?"
"Spunk?"
"The jizz -- you know -- my semen."
"Oh! Well -- it was gross -- I guess -- maybe not as gross as the other stuff -- the smecula?"
"Smegma. And no, it's not usually as strong as the smegma."
"I mean -- It was -- awesome -- the whole experience -- but -- I mean - and -- the stuff -- the jizz -- wasn't that bad -- but it wouldn't be my favorite thing to drink if I was thirsty."
"Oh you're gonna gat a thirst for it!!" I thought.
"So -- if I was gay -- I mean -- I was just wondering -- what would a gay guy have done his first time."
"Um -- pretty much the same as you."
"Huh?"
"Everyone thinks cum is gross the first time -- or -- the first few times. It kind of grows on you."
"Um -- Josh -- if I was gay -- I mean -- do you think that -- um -- well -- that -- you would like me?"
"I like you already."
Oh, I don't mean like that. I mean -- would you be turned on by me?"
"I'm turned on by you already."
"Really?" He said, his eyes looking very confused and hurt and maybe hungry.
His face was right there, so I kissed him. He closed his eyes. "That's like frosting on the cake" I said.
"Oh!" Said Jim. "Then we have to do it right." He kissed me back -- with passion.
When we were done, I said, "Thanks. You gave me some of my spunk back. That's a nice way to say -- well -- that you really liked it and -- that -- you really like me."
He kissed me even harder, this time pulling me up close. "I really DID like it!" He said. "Hey -- um -- do you think -- we could do it again sometime?"
"You're asking a gay guy -- who has already told you he likes you if you can suck his dick -- again! Dude!"
"Yeah, well -- I know it seems kind of -- um -- weird -- and all -- but -- I liked it -- this first time. There are other things I'd like to try. But -- hey1 I don't want to um -- lead you on -- make you think -- this is anything more than an experiment."
"Um -- did you want me to -- suck yours?" I said.
"Oh hell yeah! It's aching to be -- got off! I mean -- if you want to."
"I want to!" I said. with that, I went over and locked his door. Then I removed his jams and also my own. Then I lay down next to him. "Let's just kind of get in the mood. I can do it much better, if I'm in the mood." I said and I kissed him. He reacted immediately -- and positively. He kissed me back with a passion.
I started kissing his neck and generally doing like I like to -- working down to his stiff manhood. When I took it into my mouth he let loose a high pitched moan, that his parents HAD to hear. "SHhh!" I cautioned.
"Sorry -- took me by surprise." By the time I finished teasing and making him beg for it -- plead to get him off -- he went off big time -- in my mouth, making more noise than I though he would dare.
The door handle rattled. "Everything okay in there?" His dad hollered.
"Sorry dad -- The TV was too loud. I turned it down."
"You guys should go to sleep. It's late."
"Okay, Dad. Sorry."
When we heard his dad's footsteps retreat, he said, "I guess I'm gay. I don't know why I didn't know it before."
"Why do you say that?" I asked.
"I love you, Dude! I really love you!"
"Let's go to sleep. You may feel differently in the morning." We put our jams on and he cuddled me to sleep.
There was a knock at the door early. Jim got up and opened the door.
It was cold and he may have been sporting wood, so he ran back to the bed. I had scooted way to the other side. His dad spoke quietly. "I probably should be giving you hell for watching porn, and I don't think your mom could tell, but I could! Keep it down if you do that kind of stuff!"
"Sorry dad." Said Jim.
His dad left and he started to giggle. "He thought we had some porn! Haha! Well, we were kind of -- doing -- porn, weren't we? Josh -- do you think I'm gay? Last night -- somehow -- I remember telling you that I am."
"You said that, but you also said a lot of things that you couldn't have meant."
"Uh -- yeah -- um -- that. Guess I got carried away. Um -- what do you think? Am I gay."
"I dunno. You could be. I WANT you to be!"
"You -- you do?" He stammered. "You mean -- you want to be gay with me again? `Cuz, I'd like to do more, too."
"No, Dude. I mean I really like you." I said. "You brought me out of my depression. I think we could be great friends! I really WANT you to be gay."
"Do you mean you want to be b-boy friends?"
"I dunno. Maybe -- if you're -- um -- gay."
"Dude! I dunno." He said. I felt my vulnerable heart shake a little -- maybe starting to crack in the old wounds. "I just -- don't know."
"Joshua!" The General said, as I came through the door. "I thought you were in Milwaukee this weekend."
"I felt a little sick. I asked James to bring me back here. I hope it's okay."
"You're my son. Of course it's okay. So how's my old friend, Jimbo?"
"Huh?"
"Jimbo Meriwether and I go way back! He's an old S.O.B. -- or can be sometimes, but he's okay of you can get past his hard shell."
"He's really homophobic!"
"He's what?"
"He's afraid -- of homosexuals."
"He told you that?"
"I could tell by his language. And -- I think he's afraid his son is gay."
"Yes." Said the General. "He called me and asked about you -- when James asked about bringing you home. I told him that if he WAS gay -- that you'd show him a better way.
"Yes, he told us both how he hoped James could be more like me. I maybe could show him another way. But I'm not sure it'd be what Mr. Meriwether would want."
"Huh?"
I was getting tired of the charade, so I said, simply, "Dad -- I'm gay."
"Wha - ? Oh -- yeah! Haha! Good one! You really are a chip off the old block. But -- don't even joke about that!"
"I'm not joking. I really am gay. It was James who kept telling me he isn't gay!"
"Hmm!" Said the general. "Well, if you're sick, you better get up to your room." And the general turned on his heel and walked out.
I suppose that could have gone worse. So why do I feel the depression coming back. I mean -- FUCK! I've only been shut out by another guy and -- now -- my dad -- because I told them I'm gay. But I'm used to rejection. I can take it. I can TAKE it! I know what it feels like to want to die -- but that's not for me! I'm a survivor!
"And so -- Joshua -- instead of killing yourself, you just shut down your consciousness." Said Dr. Twain.
"Tell me again how long I have been in the coma, Doctor."
"Six months."
"So -- I missed graduation! Fuck!"
"Yes, but you should be able to make that up and graduate mid-term -- just before Christmas -- if you do the things I have outlined. Do you remember any of your visitors?"
"How would I?"
"You woke up and talked to them."
"Who? Who did I talk to?"
"Your mother. She was very worried. She spent six weeks but you showed no response. She finally was convinced that being here was not doing anything. She's in California. General Willows told me that she should not be called until you are stable for a few more days."
"He's not a real General, you know!" I said.
"I know, but it is only a title of respect."
"Did he tell you why he even cares?"
"He's been here as regular as clock work. As regularly as that Meriwether boy."
"Meriwether? You mean Jim -- James?"
"He should be back here tonight. He often comes here and studies."
"He was the one who rejected me last -- well except for the General."
"Joshua -- neither of them rejected you. The General was taken aback when you told him your revelation. But he cares deeply. And James -- I've seen him studying in here and I've seen him sleeping in the chair with a book on the floor next to him. Once I even came in and he was on his knees next to your bed, and was praying -- and crying."
"Are you kidding me. What's he got to cry about?"
"He blames himself -- for your condition."
"How? How can he even -- what makes him -- I mean -- he IS part of the reason -- but how did HE figure that out? Did you tell him?"
"No. Remember that I told you that you talked to these people? You told him it has he -- and the General -- who did this to you."
"Geez! I'm just screwing everyone's life up! Why did I bother to wake up?"
"You're brother was here for a two week summer break, before going back to the Academy. He sat and talked to you almost non-stop all the time he was here."
"What? You mean Nate was here? Did I drive him away too?"
"No. You didn't talk to him. That was months ago when you were talking. And you didn't drive anyone away. As a matter of fact, James Meriwether will be here tonight. The General thought it would be best if he was the one to see you first. And -- we have to give you something to hold on to -- to keep you in reality. We don't want you going back where you were."
Knock-knock!
"James! How nice to see you! I told Joshua that you would be here. Joshua?"
"James!" I said weakly. I was amazed that it came out so weak. I meant it to be more. I even tried to smile, but I couldn't get my face into that mode.
Jim came over next to the bed and stood and then he turned and glared at the doctor and said, "May we have some privacy?"
The doctor left. Jim came closer and leaned down as if to whisper something to me. I turned my ear to him, but with his hand he gently lifted my face back up and kissed my lips. Then tears came to his eyes. "I told my dad -- that I am gay." He said.
"Oh. What did he do?" I asked.
"He kicked me out."
"Wha - ? Where did you go?"
"I came back to school, and started to clean out my stuff. He was paying for my tuition for the Academy."
"So -- what're you doing now?"
"I'm still attending. The General can't quite justify my staying there, but he said I could still keep up with my classes."
"But -- I don't know how you could -- um -- where are you staying?"
"At your house."
"Huh?"
"The General thought that it was unfair when my dad kicked me out -- and let me tell you, Dad wasn't too happy when he found out that I'm staying with the General! But he just brings me to school every day and then I can always find a way home in the afternoon. I sometimes walk. It's not that far. The General insisted that I return the car to my dad. It is his."
"Wow! A lot can happen in a few months." I said. "I'm getting awfully tired."
"You can go to sleep if you want. I'll stay here to study. It's what I do."
"I heard that my brother was here for a couple weeks. What did you do then?"
"I gave him his space -- and vice versa. I took a cue from him, though. After he went back to West Point, I started to talk to you. The doctor said that may be why you woke up -- that and your brother. Man he must love you a lot!"
"It goes both ways."
"I can see that you're tired. Have you eaten anything?"
"Yeah, I ate while the doctor was here."
"Okay. I'll be here. I can see you are tired." And again he came to me and kissed me on the lips. "Schlaf gut."
"M-mm." I said, understanding that "Schlaf gut" means sleep well in German. I wondered how I knew that, and before I knew what I was doing, I heard a voice as if out of a fog."
"He's coning to, General Willows."
"Joshua? Can you hear me, Joshua?" Said my dad.
"M-mm." I said, groggily. I looked up. "Hello sir."
"You can call me `Dad'." I am not sure I ever remember him smiling at me like that. "Do you need anything right now?"
"I'm awfully hungry!" I said.
"There's some broth here. Can I feed it to you, Son?" This is new. The General always accepted me as his responsibility, but -- I never really felt anything -- like this from him before.
"Thanks. I may be hungrier than broth!" I smiles weakly.
"Any more than that would make you sick. We'll have to work our way up to solid food. You've been fed intravenously for the past few months."
"What's wrong with me, Gen -- um -- Dad?"
"Jim Meriwether tells me that you were abused by your stepfather. I expect a lot of things have combined to mess you up, Son. If I find that son-of-a-bitch, He'll wish he had never lived."
"No -- no, sir -- um -- Dad. Don't. He's not worth it and -- it's not his fault."
"You're still delirious, Joshua - "
"People who love me call me Josh." I said.
"You're still delirious, Josh. That man should be in jail."
"Then so should his mother -- and father. They're the ones who made him that way. D-dad -- you have no idea what cold people they are."
"Well, that may be so, but unfortunately in our system, only those who do the actual act can be prosecuted."
"Did you say that Jim told you that?"
"Yes -- he and I go way back."
"Oh! I thought you meant my Jim." I said, not thinking. "I mean -- um -- that is - "
"Son -- You told me you are gay. I'm sorry that I reacted poorly. I know James is too. It came as a surprise, but after hearing what Jim told me, it was not as shocking as finding out about my son. -- I mean my other son. Nathan told me while he was here to see you -- that -- he is gay. I could kind of understand that what that bastard did to you may have done, but Nathan? I guess I have failed both of you. And for that I intend to so everything I can to make it up to you both."
"Failed -- how - " I said, getting more clarity by the moment.
"I really was totally absent for you and I also wasn't really there for Nathan either. Always too busy for my own son. I've done a ton of reading and -- even though no one knows what causes some to favor their own sex, there is evidence that much of it is caused -- or at least exacerbated by an abusive or absent father."
"Sigh. I can't argue about that -- right now. I've felt this way as long as I can remember. Am I going to have to see a shrink?"
"Do you not WANT to see a shrink?"
Oh goody -- a game!
"I wouldn't mind talking to -- someone."
"I have to ask you -- even though I don't approve -- do you want to see your mother?"
"Mom and I have pretty much hashed out the whole `she knew what was going on the whole time' thing. I don't know if you realized it but -- she's not all that bright. Um -- did -- um -- you really promise that you were coming back before you -- um -- left her?"
"Josh -- I'm not very proud of that time in my life. Rhonda and I were not getting along very well. I know that was at least half my fault -- now. Your brother was an infant and I was away from home. I lied to your mother. I didn't see it that way at the time. I just saw it as a line."
"She took it hook, line, and sinker." I said.
"Well, I am very sorry and ashamed of that."
"But you know what, Dad? It gave her something to hold on to all those years. She really believed you would have come back. Of course she thought you died, but she didn't feel -- um -- like you trashed her. She - "
"It's nice of you to try to ease my guilt, but that doesn't take it away. If I had any idea I had planted my seed in her -- I'd have taken my responsibility seriously. It may have been the straw that broke the camels back -- with regard to my relationship with Rhonda. But I would have done it."
"It's funny how things work out sometimes -- for the best." I said.
"I don't know how I was so lucky to get two such positive boys. I practically ignored your brother and -- well, you didn't even know I existed."
"I don't know Rhonda very well, dad, but she must have been a great mother -- if you weren't there for Nate -- then she was the one - "
"Damned right she was! She's one hell of a woman -- and mother."
"But -- if you really think I turned out good - "
"Listen, considering all you had to go through -- but -- NO! even NOT considering that -- you turned out to be a fine young man. At 15, you are way too old for your age, but that isn't your fault."
"That's partially what I'm trying to tell you. That's not my fault -- and neither is the good stuff. My mom was my only friend. I didn't know until recently -- or rather I figured it out -- that she knew what Dennis was doing to me -- but she made up for it in other ways. She loves me Dad."
"I'll give her that. She finally left that pervert, you know!"
"Shit! That's right! She told me that! I completely forgot!"
"Josh -- I hate to start in on you this soon, but -- you really need to start watching your tongue. Some of the language you were using when -- when you were out -- was not very -- um -- nice -- for a 15 year old to use."
"I talked when I was out?"
"Not exactly, but you woke up a couple times and shocked us all with your language."
"What did I say?" I had to squelch a smile.
"Well, lets say it was peppered with lots of those words similar to what you just said -- and more than a few `f"-words too."
"Sorry Dad. I -- my only excuse is -- no one told me. I knew better though. I didn't use those words in class -- or when I was with girls. But -- you know -- the coach's all use worse language than I ever did."
"Yeah, I know. They think that the boys'll think they are cool when they do that. And -- I guess they do, but - - Anyway, you are a smart boy, Josh, and you don't need to use that kind of language -- to be respected. It's just not what any 15 year old should do."
I smiled a little at that and innocently said, "Oh. I'll try to do that -- I mean cut it down. It is hard at the academy, where there are no girls. But I'll work on it. Um -- if 15-years-old is too young, when is it okay for me to start using those words again?"
The General looked at me, kind of surprised, blinked and than laughed. "Ho! Boy! You got me there, Son! Haha! You're sharp as a tack!"
I looked to be sure no one was around and said, "Fuckinay!"
My new dad roared with laughter.
"I have to go now, but you can call my cell number any time. You may get a surprise visit from someone else too. And Josh - - I do love you."
"Yeah yeah -- as if I were your own son!" I said.
"Yeah -- I mean -- what - - ? You ARE my own son. Oh, Josh! You got me again. You're a regular smart ass! Haha! See you later, Son." He started out of my room, then came back. He kissed me on the forehead. It was sweet, but seemed like he felt uneasy about it -- like he HAD to do it, but - -
"Sorry Joshua," the nurse said, "but it's crazy busy out here, and I'm going to have to have an aid bring your meal."
"Meal?!" I echoed. I actually get a meal?"
She looked at a chart. "Soup." She said.
"Soup again?!"
"Oh -- and some Jello."
Goody!
In a few minutes, the door opened and I looked over to see a rear end, with the body attached, pulling a food tray through the door. When the aid turned, I saw the wide smile of my brother!
"You!" I said.
"Hi. Little brother!" Said Nate.
Notes: Thanks for all your letters. I am overwhelmed. This military school thing was supposed to be no more than a prologue to when Josh was older, but - - it seems to have taken on a life of its own!
Comments, as always, are welcome. Address them to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com.
Thanks again and -- Love, Steve