Growing up Joshua This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings,beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it mightnot be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at timesbetween males, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If youare too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kindif story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - -ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Joshua Alan Black II
Barbie Warfield -- my mother
Dennis Warfield -- my stepfather
Alva Benson -- my Gram (Grandma)
Iver Benson -- my Pop (Grandpa)
Richard -- My favorite Cousin
Ray and Raul -- Richards' older brothers.
Nate Willows -- My first roomie.
Rudy Chanbers -- Friend across the hall.
James Meriwether -- Mid-year Transfer
Morty Rankowiscz -- college friend
Zach Taylor -- new friend
Tom Clancy -- Zack's dad.
Jane Clancy -- Zach'z mom.
Dania, Darcy, Deanna, Danny and David -- Zach's Sibs
From Chapter 16:
"Okay, I accept! I accept your Nobel LOVE Prize! Haha!" He then kissed me and ground his pelvis into my own. "I'm ready!"
"You're -- um -- ready?"
"Yeah! I want you to -- take me to -- wherever it is -- that you think is more meaningful -- to you -- to show you that I -- care for you -- and that you -- um -- care for me -- that much."
"That much?"
"You know -- as much as it takes!"
His smile was wide and infectious. He kissed me deeply and I kissed him back. "You're getting pretty good at that!" I said.
"Yeah -- now teach me some more! Teach me it all!" he laughed.
"How about we just start with one thing at time?"
"Yeah! That'd be great!" He said as he removed his shirt -- and then my own. We kissed again and rolled over again with me on top. I got up and took my clothes off. He lay there and gave me the go ahead -- with his eyes. I stripped him and our bodies melded together, as we kissed and caressed each other all over.
Chapter 17
"So -- I guess you handled that pretty well. Do you think that he's expecting more than you can give him -- at this time?"
"I don't think so. I thought I made it pretty clear that we are taking this one step at a time."
"So -- what did you do yesterday?"
"Now -- THAT'S none of YOUR business, Seth!" I said, laughing.
"GREAT! That's the definitive correct answer! What you do is between you and Zach! But I will again caution you about going too fast. I know that because of your experience, you will not give enough significance to some things, and because Zach feels he may be behind, he may want to do it all at once. My advice -- as always -- is to take it slow and easy. Remember -- you got a crash course and that's not the best way to learn these things -- usually."
"I know -- I know, Seth. Thanks for listening to me."
"When are you going to come out and see us?"
"I dunno. I don't think we're at a point where we're ready to travel together yet."
"How about just you?"
"Do you really want me to come?" I asked hopefully.
"You know, it's not all that far -- as the crow flies. You went on that cruise -- with Morty."
"Yeah, but he paid for that."
"Yeah, okay. But I definitely want you to meet Luke someday."
"You could fly out here!" I said.
"Maybe we will. Anyway -- call any time. Bye for now, Josh!"
"By! Thanks and -- I love you."
"Yeah, I love you too, kiddo!" He chuckled.
Reality. Have to deal with reality.
"Should I be jealous of Seth?"
"I dunno. Should you be jealous of anyone?" I challenged.
Silence.
"Look, everyone falls in love with their psychologist." I said. "But trust me -- he is completely happy with his partner."
"How do you know?"
"Seth told me."
"Hmmm. Josh, we've been dating for 4 months. Is it too early to -- um -- be thinking more -- um seriously?"
"Like what?" I asked.
"Joshy - I want you."
"Call me Joshy once more and you got me!" I quipped.
"Joshy -- will you -- wait a minute!"
"Sure I will. Wait for what?"
"Who else called you Joshy?"
"Morty and Nate."
"Okay then -- JOSH -- will you be my boyfriend?"
"You mean officially?"
"Whatever! I just want you -- to be mine -- at least for now -- and no one else's."
"What would that look like?"
"Well, you would promise not to date anyone else." At my sarcastic look he said, "I KNOW you haven't been anyway -- but I want to think of you as mine. Would you think of me as yours?"
"How would we seal this deal?"
"It's not as if I'm buying a car! I just want your promise -- for the time being -- that you will not -- um -- oh crap! That I will be the only one that you date!"
"I'll even go you one further. I'll promise you that I won't even screw around with my brother."
"Yeah -- that'd have to be part of it." He said.
"And -- what will you promise me?"
"That -- as long as we are going together, I will love only you."
"There's that word again." I said.
"Okay -- here's the way it will be. You only have to promise me that you will be true to me. And I will of course be true to you. But I will also love you. I already do."
"Seems to me that you're setting yourself up for a fall." I said.
"Too late for that. I've already fallen."
"I know I'm being too analytical." I said.
"I know you are too. What do you say?" He was grinning, knowing that I was playing with him, and he was being quite good natured about it.
I also knew he was serious.
"Does this mean -- oh never mind! Um -- how about ... Yes!" I said.
"Wha -- huh? Oh! You mean - - ?" I nodded.
"You suck!" He laughed.
"Is THAT what you wanted to do to seal the deal?"
"Will you ever get serious?"
"Who says I'm not?"
He got up and went to a drawer. He took out a small wooden box. He opened it and took out a ring. "My dad gave it to me when I was nine. It's silver and of course that's a turquoise in the middle. Sorry for the crack in the stone. But that's because I loved it so much. Up until three years ago, I wore it continually."
"I -- I don't have anything for you." I said, lamely.
"You will!" He grinned.
"But why did you stop wearing it?"
"When I started playing soccer, my fingers started to thicken. It got too tight."
He held the ring out to me. I hesitated to take it, but he put it in my hand. I was overwhelmed. I tried it on. It fit perfectly. "Thanks!" I whispered. "This is better than a new one!" I kissed him. "But it's your ring -- if we -- well, you know."
"Good. Now how about that suck?"
"You're ready?"
"I've been ready since the day I first kissed you!" he said.
I started to unbuckle his belt. "No. Me first!" He announced. He pulled me up into an embrace and then removed both our shirts. Then he went and locked the door. We found a time -- on Wednesdays when we could be completely undisturbed -- at his house. But he still felt more secure locking the door.
Then he removed my jeans and tighty-whiteys. He again almost gasped as my boner sprang out, ready for action. He dropped to his knees and started to go down on me but I stopped him."
"Huh?" He said, looking up at me. "Did I do something wrong?"
"There really is no wrong way -- well, I guess if you were a biter -- that might be wrong! But listen. The reason I wanted to go first was to show you how."
"But I want to do you first -- that's important to me."
"Then -- will you do as I tell you -- to make it better for both of us?"
"Yeah." He said, sounding more like a 10-year-old than 20. I coached him every step. He first kissed me deeply, then sucked on my ear lobe a little. He sucked the index finger on my left hand. He then started to kiss everything he could see, starting again with my mouth, then my neck and worked his way down, swirling his tongue around -- and sucking each of my nipples.
"I didn't prepare for this, so please don't lick my navel." I said.
He licked it clean!
He sucked on the little treasure trail that led lower and by this time there was pre coming from the hood. I told him to run his finger over it and then taste it. He squeezed it out, like toothpaste form a tube, slurped it up -- and shuddered -- like every guy who has ever done me. He wet his fingers and did little circles around the opening of my hood. He did that without my prompting. He was rewarded with another generous dollop of goo, which he kissed off. He giggled at my sharp intake of breath.
He looked up and asked permission to skin the hood back. I nodded and held my breath. He did and it revealed the shiny wet head of my boner. I gasped a little as he licked the end, then he shuddered again.
"That stuff is so intense. It's like I've been craving it all my life!" He marveled.
He again looked up to me for m next instruction. I again closed my eyes and pushed his head slowly down on top of it. He sucked it all the way to the base -- which really surprised and -- sent me into a spasmodic shudder of my own. I did a little high pitched whine as he started to bob. I slowed him down, as he took long deep quaffs of my offering. I tried desperately to relax as much as possible -- to make it last as long as it could.
When I felt that feeling that we all know so well, I told him to go faster. He did and I said, "Oh - ohh! It's coming! Zach -- pull off! It's cummmmmmming!
He didn't pull off. He couldn't contain all the spunk and so some of it dripped out the corners of his mouth. This was his first time and he swallowed as much as he could. He kept sucking until it became soft and spongy. He quit, but kept it in his mouth and just looked up into my eyes. His eye lids fluttered and closed. He hummed a little approval. I petted his head, and closed my own eyes. I fell asleep.
I woke up when he again joined me at the head of the bed. I was only asleep momentarily. He looked directly into my eyes. "Don't take this wrong," I warned, "But," I lowered my voice, "I love you so much!"
"I was hoping you would. I got the same feeling as I was -- was -- doing you."
We cuddled for about 20 minutes, and then had to go back to class.
Friday night, it was as if Tom and Jane Clancy seemed to sense that Zach and I needed some time alone. They had planned to take the whole family out to pizza and to a movie, but when we said we'd rather not see the kiddy movie, but would like to just stay home and watch some tube, Jane said okay and that there was a casserole ready to be put in the oven for us.
Knowing how some parents make their gay child's life a living hell -- if they indeed even let them stay at home -- we both are well aware how lucky we are to have parents who at least try to understand what we're going through.
I probably don't need to tell you -- My boyfriend (I was surprised at how I loved even thinking that word!) was equally as ready to receive the service I had planned for him, as I was ready to give it. It wasn't all that different from what I had coached him to do to me, but I teased him with it most of our time alone. While knowing when the kiddy movie would be over, I dragged out my playing with him, so that he was almost begging for it when I got to it.
He wasn't begging; that I must tell you -- or even asking -- but his body language and the sounds he made were unmistakable. He really didn't know what I was doing to him -- making him wait so long. When our own TV movie was over -- and I had teased and lightly fondled and tickled nearly every part of his body in some way, I suggested it would be better to take it to the bedroom..
Once in the bedroom, I did the kissing all over thing -- again -- to make the transition smoother and to get him ready for the most powerful orgasm he had ever felt.
I didn't do anything unusual -- I didn't have to. I only did all the things he did to me -- at my direction -- on Wednesday. By the time he was ready to climax, he was squirming all over the bed. It was a challenge keeping my mouth on him. when he did cum, he squealed like a 3-year-old being tickled beyond his capacity to endure it. I'd never allow any kid of mine to tickle a toddler the way I have seen some do, but I didn't mind doing it to Zach at all.
After he came, he was panting like he had sprinted a marathon. I don't think that's even possible, but then I don't think that anyone running a marathon could breath that deep, nor have such a fast heartbeat. It seemed to be trying to get out of his chest cavity.
He was just barely starting to slow his breathing when we heard the rest of the family come in. There was a knock at the door, then Tom's head poked into the dark room. You guys -- you -- you're here! Hope your evening was nice. G'night."
"Night, Dad." said Zach, trying his best to sound normal between holding his gasping breaths.
"G'night Tom." I said. Tom closed the door, chuckling at something ...
"Wow." Said Zach.
"What?"
"Now I understand."
Understand?"
"No -- let me finish. I just need to breath -- while I talk." He said, taking several huge gulps of air. "Josh -- Joshy -- I guess it's okay to call you that -- since you like it so much."
I wanted to cry for happy!
"Joshy, now I understand. I was kind of hurt -- the other night -- though I didn't say anything." He said, breathing deep between each breath.
"Ohhh - noooo, Baby, I - "
"Just shut up and let me finish!" He said quickly. "I was hurt because I couldn't imagine how you could just go to sleep -- when I was finished with you. But now I get it. When you get off that much -- um -- that hard -- you don't want to do anything else! So -- it's okay. I am so in love with you. And I get that too. I know I feel it more than I will in the morning. I know you told me, but now I'm experiencing it -- and had already gotten it -- when we did stuff before. Thanks for telling me Wednesday -- and -- now I will tell you -- that was the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. I love you so much!"
He hugged my arm and rolled into a spoon and was out like a light.
Well, I hadn't gotten my rocks off but, smiling -- I felt in love too! I said so. It felt good telling him.
I felt safe, knowing he wouldn't hear it.
I lay awake with Zach in my arms for a long time. He felt so good! He seemed younger than I but somehow -- maybe because of his great family -- I felt protected -- or something.
It's impossible to sleep late on Saturday mornings at the Clancy house, with five preteens up and screaming. But it was such a happy time -- I didn't mind waking up.
"That was great -- what you did for me last night." Said Zack. He said it so off-handedly, I wondered if he even remembered what he said to me last. I definitely remembered what I said to him -- even if he didn't hear it!
I had to go to the Burger Palace at 11:00, so Zach took me home directly after breakfast. "I guess I should get a car!" I said. "You can't drive me everywhere."
"No need. I mean -- you know the bus system, and I don't mind driving us. And remember -- I got my car for nothing."
"Still -- there's insurance and gas."
"Well -- I'm still on my parents insurance and as long as I keep my grades decent, they will pay for it. You're welcome to help out with gas!" I got home just in time to get my Burger Palace uniform on, say hi and run out.
"Sorry, Mom -- Dad -- gotta run!"
I ran to the bus stop and was at work barely in time. Good thing my boss likes me! She tries to mother me too, but I don't mind.
After work I walked to the bus stop. I sat and was day-dreaming, thinking about last night. "Can I give you a lift somewhere?"
I looked up and it was my Zach. "What're you doing at the bus stop, goofball?"
"I -- I mean -- we -- didn't make any plans to - "
"Well, of course I was gonna be with you tonight! You're my boyfriend -- right?"
"Yeah." I smiled. "Tonight's our last game, you know." I said.
"I know. I miss being out there with you -- especially since I got you to play in the first place! I hope you aren't getting tired of playing."
"Well, you know -- it helps to get the aggression out."
"You have a lot of aggression?"
"Well, you know. I was energized when you guys originally attacked me."
"Please don't remind me!"
"No, really. I was aching for a fight! I was just angry -- at anything -- at everything. I had lost Morty -- or thought I had -- and in reality, I really didn't want him, and yet I felt like I did. I was so screwed up! I just wanted to kick some ass! If you hadn't attacked me - "
"Please stop saying that?" He pleaded.
"What would you call it?" I laughed.
"I never wanted to -- do that. I was caught -- like in the middle."
"No, I was caught in the middle -- of you and Rod. Gosh, it's hard to believe he is dead!"
"Rod moved around to put you between us. But you outmaneuvered him, and then blew us both away. All I was doing was trying to defend myself. I didn't want to attack you. Heck, I didn't even know you!"
"The point I was making was -- that I needed to do something aggressive. So you played into my hands. And if you hadn't -- we would not be together now!"
"Well, I guess that`s true. But we might have -- found each other -- anyway."
He suddenly smiled at me. "What?" I said.
"You look cute in your uniform."
"Yeah! Yay Burger Palace!" I said twirling my finger in the air.
"No, really! It fits you so snugly and it shows that you don't have an ounce of fat on you. It's very sexy -- like uniforms are supposed to be!" He grabbed the bulge in the front of my pants. "Course this could be a little looser!"
When we got back to my house, we walked in and there was a guy sitting in the living room. "Hi..." I said, and we headed to the kitchen. Mom was there, starting dinner.
"Did you even say hello to your friend?"
"Huh?"
"That young man in the living room. He's been waiting there for that last hour -- for you to get home."
"Huh? Me? My friend?"
"He says he knows you."
I came closer and whispered, "What's this name?"
"I think he said it was Richard Warfield. Isn't that your stepfather's name?"
"Rich -- what? It CAN'T be! What? RICHARD?" I exploded. I ran to the living room and he stood up.
He was -- taller and 7 years had -- changed him -- for the better! He was tall, slim, and was hardly recognizable as the 14-year-old Richard that was torn from me when I was eleven. Oh my gosh! He must be -- 21 now!
"Close your mouth, Joshy -- and come here and give me a hug!"
I ran to him and jumped into his arms, wrapping my legs around him. I hugged him close -- and he, me -- both of us laughing almost hysterically.
He put me down and looked at me. "Damn, guy! You look -- amazing! Well, I didn't even recognize you! I was looking for someone a little -- um -- younger -- or something. Hell, you were only eleven when I was sent off to prep school."
"Oh, Richard! I AM different? You -- you -- you're too much!" I said laughing.
Richard looked around me -- at Zach, inquiringly.
"Oh! Richard, this is my -- um -- friend -- Zach."
I saw the split second of hurt when I called him "friend". Then Zach smiled and presented his fist, which Richard bussed and they both said, "Hey!"
"So -- you're the famous Richard that Josh has told me about." Said Zach.
"What? Joshy's told you about me? I hope it wasn't all bad!" He said. with a delicious smile.
"Well, let's just say that you have played significantly in his life." Said Zach, matching Richard's smile.
(SHUT UP ZACH! I thought)
"Um -- Let's put our coats on and go for a walk!" I said. I still had my coat in my hand and Richard's was next to him. He got up and put his on, and we walked toward the door. Zach just stood there. "C'mon Zach -- you're invited too!" He complied. We walked out into the cold fall afternoon.
"You boys be back within an hour!" Mom called after us, "Dinner will be at Six!"
I asked Richard, "How -- how -- how did you -- oh! Dennis probably gave you - "
"Nope! After prep school I went into West Point. That's where I met Nate."
"Who?" I said lamely.
"You're brother Nate. We became fast friends." I felt a quick streak of jealousy pass though me, as I thought, "How Fast!"
"Then one day, we were talking and I told him about my cousin. He was only vaguely interested until I showed him your picture -- that uncle dip-shit gave me a couple years ago. All of a sudden Nate started to laugh and cry all at once. I wondered if he'd popped a cork. Finally he said, "That's my brother!"
"Anyway, that was last week and - here I am!"
"Yeah -- Wow! What -- what -- um -- brings you to see me -- after all these years?"
"Aww -- don't say it that way. I've thought about you a lot."
(I've thought about you -- almost constantly. I thought)
"Anyway -- the reason I am here is that I want you to be my -- best man -- in my wedding."
"Nuh uh!" I said.
"Yah-huh!" He affirmed. "Gram said she wouldn't pay for the wedding if I did, but I called her bluff -- and won!"
"She -- what? Why would she have to pay for your - "
"She isn't. She's quite out of it. She's lost all touch with reality. She still thinks Poppy is alive and that she's the matriarch. She talks about parties with her friends that she hasn't seen in years. But my dad and mom put up with her and take care of her. She's harmless, really. Poppy left the business to my dad."
"And -- you're marrying a -- woman?" I wished I could take that question back!
"Well -- uh -- yeah! Well, I prefer to call her a girl. She's your age."
"Richard -- I'm gay." I said.
Richard's jaw dropped for about 2 seconds. Then he said, "Who cares! You're still the closest thing I have to a brother! Don't you remember the first time we -- Ahem! And then we joked about being blood brothers?'
I remembered it well. It was the first time we sucked each other. He came, but I was too young. We called ourselves cum-brothers, and always giggled when we told others we were blood brothers. I had told Zach just enough that he figured it out. He was smirking.
"Um -- Rich -- Zack is my -- boyfriend." I said. Zack beamed.
Richard looked us both up and down. "I guess it's true what they say -- All the good looking guys are gay!"
"Well -- except maybe for you!" I said.
"You just never know -- do you, Joshy!" He winked and laughed. "Then, so -- are you up for it?"
"Huh?"
My tummy did a flip flop and something lower made its presence known.
"Duh! Pay attention, Cuz! My best man. Will you be my best man?"
"Oh! Ah-ha ha! I guess!"
"You guess?! Are you really THAT excited?"
"I think he's just overwhelmed -- he has talked about you non-stop -- almost -- and now -- here you are!" Said Zach.
"Uhm -- yeah! Sure! Of course! What? Are you kidding? Of course I want to be your best man.!"
(I used to think I was his ONLY man -- er -- boy!)
"Look, Joshy, I know you're only 18, but you'll be nineteen before spring. We're gonna have a military wedding -- at the Academy -- the day after graduation. That's what Bunny wants. There are a bunch of them! Lot's of guys have been waiting to get married. The chapel is scheduled solid for the whole two weeks between semesters."
"Wow!" I said. "Um -- Bunny?" I couldn't help smirking.
"Yeah. It's a nickname that her family gave her -- it just stuck. Her real name's Henrietta Howser Stiles -- of the Pennsylvania Stiles." He said -- as if it should mean something to me. "Her parents own a 1500 acre estate in Rural Kentucky. It's horse country, of course. They're pretty ritzy. Gram would approve."
"Oh -- goody!" I said, sarcastically.
"Joshy!" My cousin whined. "Okay, I'll try not to mention Gram any more. But Bunny is very pretty and -- um -- umm - "
" -- indescribable?"
"Yes! You can meet her at Christmas time. You just HAVE to come to Sacramento for Christmas!"
I looked at Zach. I couldn't read his face. "I have family here now, Rich. There's no one there that - "
Richard pouted. "There's me."
"Will Dennis be there?"
"Uncle Dildo pretty much stays out of the way -- any more. He gets drunk the first day and stays that way."
"I'll pass." I said.
It hurt to see my cousin look so disappointed -- especially after coming all this way. But he quickly brightened. "Look, Bunny's not coming until after Christmas. You'll still be on break! Uncle Doofus will also be gone by then. And you don't even have to cross paths with Gram. She probably wouldn't remember you anyway -- especially now that you're all grown up.
"Yeah, I could probably take Greyhound. It would take longer, but - "
"How you get there won't be an issue. I'll fly you AND Zach there." Zach's face brightened.
"Really?" Asked Zach.
"This is my favorite person is the world, Zach."
"You mean your second favorite ... ?" Said Zach.
"Uh -- what? Ooh! You mean Bunny! Uh -- ha ha! Yeah -- of course!" He said. "So do you think both of you can come?
I looked at Zach. He was doing a good job masking his thoughts. I stared deeply onto his eyes for a moment. "Yeah, um -- well, I will -- if Zach can. I don't want to -- um -- leave him after our first Christmas together." Zach finally smiled. I hoped that he was pleased.
"Then it's settled. I`ll make reservations next week."
My boss likes me and all that, but she is only a assistant manager. She probably can't cover for me for a week. I was planning to quit. And since Zach doesn't work -- it shouldn't be a problem for him.
Halloween was the next weekend. Zach suggested going to the Milwaukee Gay Gorilla Bar.
"Where's that?" I asked.
"Haha! That's the fun thing! It's not any particular bar! Haven't you seen the posters on campus? I texted the number and a guy called me. It's a group that just goes to a different bar each weekend and everyone just shows up there -- basically turning it to a gay bar for the night!"
Sounding like trouble to me, I asked, "And -- you want me to go there -- why?"
"Aw C'mon, Joshy! I've always wanted to go!"
"Always? How long ago did you talk to this guy?"
"About 3 months ago."
"And why now -- and not then?"
"Halloween it's gonna be a bar-hop. We're going to - "
"We? Are `we' going, now?"
"Joshy! I didn't even consider it -- before, worrying that -- well, there'd be some jerk -- like Rod -- who might cause trouble, but this guy assured me that it has never happened. And after you told me that you were kind of turned on -- or was it energized -- by the possibility of a fight -- well ... ?"
Whattaya think, Pop?" I asked my dad. I decided that I would start to call him Pop. He seemed to like it.
"Josh -- I know you can take care of yourself. But -- my dad used to tell me that bars are where bad things happen. Most bars are safe and quiet every day. But almost every week in Milwaukee -- SOME bar has some violence associated with it. The way to stay out of trouble is to stay out of bars. Maybe in gay bars the guys are more - - peaceful -- or something. But you aren't talking about going to gay bars. You're talking about crashing someone else's party -- on Halloween night. And if there is an altercation, you'd not just be defending yourself, but Zach as well -- I suspect. That may be asking too much of yourself.
"Please, Josh?" Zach begged. "I promise if anything turns negative, we'll leave -- immediately. PLEEEEEZE?"
I didn't feel good about it -- because of what my dad had said, but I had to admit -- I was energized by the possibility of -- Well, that probably wouldn't happen, anyway! Sometimes you just have to go for it -- don't you?
"Okay -- you've worn me down. What will we wear?"
We were in Zach's bedroom, all decked out in our soccer uniforms. We had to get some extra large youth soccer jerseys, because the university could suspend us if we wore school colors.
"I look so sexy in this articulating knee brace!" He complained.
"Who were you trying to impress?" I asked.
"I always want to impress you."
"Then you've already succeeded."
"I like the suck part of that!" he giggled., as I pulled on my last shin guard. "But I also want to look good FOR you. I'm afraid everyone is looking at you and saying -- `Look at the hot guy that lame-o is with!'"
"Naw, they're looking at you and saying -- `That lucky Josh! All THEIR activity has to be indoors!' THAT's what they're saying!"
"That's what I like about this relationship. You have no idea how mismatched we are!" He quipped.
"Oh yes I do -- and I'm just glad you seem to like me anyway!" I answered.
"You two better get out of here, before it gets so deep I have to get a pitch fork to shovel it out!" Said Zach's dad.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Tom!"
The third bar that the group crashed was a sports bar on the other side of town. We were having fun and I was surprised that the jocks were pretty civil about the newest patrons. And the bar owners didn't mind at all. About half of our group doesn't drink alcohol, and so they get charged regular prices for virgin mai tais and Margaritas.
Several of the regulars had on Panther jerseys. They were showing off with a hackey-sack. They were pretty funny, actually, after they had a few drinks in them. But that didn't help their hackey-sacking abilities! Zach suggested I show them how it's done.
I was doing pretty well until one of the guys recognized Zach. "Hey! Aren't you - ? HEY JEREMY -- ISN'T THIS THE GUY THAT YOU TOOK A BULLET FOR?"
Jeremy came over and Zach put his hand out to thank him. "I guess I should thank you!" Said Zach.
One of the other guys said, "What -- for fucking up your knee? Haha!" Then he made his voice sound effeminate. "Yes, Jeremy! Thank you for purposely taking out my knee. Can I kiss your ass? Can I suck - " "SHADDUP, Joseph -- you've got too big a mou - " Started Jeremy.
"Wha- at?" Said Zach. "You purposely took out my knee for the sake of a stupid goal?"
"What would YOU do?" Slurred Joseph. "It was the game point for the conference! That's why we're still playing and ... you AIN'T!"
"Joseph! Shut your fucking mouth!" Said Jeremy.
I had stopped kicking the hackey-sack and was pretty much watching in astonishment and - anger.
"Let's go, Josh!" Said Zach."
"Huh?" I said. I was steaming and wanted to kick some butt.
"Let's go home. This has stopped being fun."
Zach walked out to the sidewalk. I started to follow, knowing that this could not get any better.
"Yeah, that's right, fags! Just turn and escape like the pussy-boys you are."
"Joseph! Don't - "
I perceived aggressive movement to my left rear, and I turned and Joseph was coming at me full tilt. I caught him half way up with a crotch shot. Joseph doubled over, holding his huevos.
"Hey!" Said Jeremy. in a full frontal attack. "You can't - " I easily got him with a right hook-kick across the face, and then turned and added insult to injury by donkey kicking his butt to the floor.
As he started to try to get up, I whirled on him again, pointed and said, "That was for crippling my buddy for the sake of a point, you scumbag!"
I walked out and felt a thud on my head.
I was dreaming -- or so it seemed. I could feel that my head was aching terribly. I knew I didn't have any liquor.
"He's waking up!" Said a voice that was unfamiliar. I opened my eyes. Blackness. "Oh no!" I cried. "Are the lights out? TELL ME THE LIGHTS ARE OUT!" I said.
"He's mumbling something!" Another voice said.
"Maybe having a hallucination or something. DT's maybe?"
"He DOESN'T drink!" I recognized Zach's voice. "Josh -- wake up!"
"I am awake!" I said. "But I can't see anything."
"He's just moaning."
"No he's not -- he's trying to say something!" Said Zach. I felt a hand touch my face -- no a finger. One eye was opened -- by the finger. I saw Zach's eye. "You were knocked for a loop, Joshy."
I tried to make sense of what was happening. I was -- oh yes. I had just put down that -- um -- Jeremy guy.
"What happened?" I asked, groggily.
"Oh thank God -- he's awake!" Said the other voice. It was the bar tender. Don't worry kid, those other guys were taken to jail.
I was able to open the other eye by myself. Tears came as I saw that I WASN'T blind after all. Then I saw Zach. "You were awesome, Joshy!"
"Is this your brother?"
"Sort of." Said Zach. "Josh -- there were too many witnesses." He said it almost excitedly.
I shook my head.
"Those guys -- they were drunk, and it sounds like their team will lose the pennant now -- because of what that Jeremy did. And it was all because his friend Joseph was too drunk to keep his mouth shut."
I tried to sit up. I was held by a paramedic. "Steady there, champ." I looked up into clear brown eyes.
"What -- what happened those the other guys?" I asked. My head was throbbing.
"Like the barkeep said, they were taken - "
"No -- I mean -- who stopped them after I was -- what the hell hit me anyway?
"It was a beer mug that the first guy you decked picked up after he recovered from your kick. And it was their own team mates who grabbed them both. That guy -- Joseph, I think -- was still talking in a girly voice when they took him away. He may never be the same. You got him good!"
"I hope he'll be okay. I didn't want to hurt - "
"You were only defending yourself -- and your brother here."
"No -- really -- I hope I didn't hurt either of them permanently."
"Apparently Joseph's buddy didn't mind doing that to your brother."
"Sounds like that may get settled some way anyway. Damn! My head hurts!" I whined.
"There's a little blood, but it doesn't look too bad. Since you were knocked out, we still have to take you to the emergency to be checked out by an MD."
"Shit!"
"Maybe you SHOULD go and face him." Said Seth.
They let me go home that night from the ER. I had a raging headache, but the doc prescribed some Tylenol and sent me away.
So -- the next morning I called Seth. Why? Because it had been awhile and - even if I don't know what's good for me -- my subconscious seems to.
"But -- I don't want to see that ass hole!" I protested. "And besides that, we'd have to miss Christmas with our families."
"That's important. But, for YOU, you deserve to face him -- and tell him how he screwed up your life. It's about the only thing you have left to do to get completion from him."
"How do you know that I haven't gotten `completion' already?"
His silence from the other end spoke loudly. "But you TOLD me I could call ANY time. I LIKE talking to you!"
"And I like talking to you, Josh. But you called -- with a question."
"I didn't! I called because -- well -- you drew it out of me! It's not why I called!"
"As far as you know. That's what all therapists have to do. Draw it out. And my advice to you is -- figure a way to get back there while Dennis is there."
"I don't have to confront him! He knows! Why should I -- I mean -- he felt bad enough that he found you for me, didn't he?!"
"He found me -- because your father threatened him. You know I'm right. And your grandmother ... ?"
"She's DEFINITELY NOT my grandmother!"
"But the way you talk about her -- even that last derisive denial -- tells me you need to get clear of her too."
"What are you? You're the Grinch and you're trying to steal Christmas form me!" I said, but then laughed at my own silliness.
"It'll be one of the best gifts I could give you. At least try."
"I'll think about it."
"Hey Rich,
"As much as it hurts me -- I think I want to come. I cannot ever forget what we meant to each other growing up. Was that just juvenile infatuation? I thought you felt it too, but after all -- you were 14. I was only 11. We had a lot in common. I mourned your leaving when they sent you to the prep school. Even 3 years later, when I was sent to the boy's academy, I was extremely disappointed that I was not coming to you.
"But -- I guess there's a time when I have to just suck it up and do what's necessary. I sent this in an email, because there were things I didn't want to say over the phone. I love you -- and the way I feel now -- I always will. I can see now that it was because of you -- not Morty (you don't know him!) or Nate -- that I kept myself somewhat distant from Zach. Maybe now I can let myself feel more about him.
"I want to be there Christmas morning. I have a specific reason for this -- involving Dennis. I want to say that I look forward to meeting Bunny.
"So, anyway, can you make our reservations for either late Christmas Eve or very early Christmas day? Thanks.
Your Cousin and number one fan!
Love, Josh.
Notes: Lots happening in the life of Josh. Growing up is hard and painful at times, as we lose our innocence on step at a time. Comments are welcome to Steve at stevethpmas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and love, Steve