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This story is a work of FICTION. While actual people and/or events may inspire some characters and situations, no implications are intended or should be drawn. Any similarities to actual events or persons are strictly coincidental.
THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF CONSENSUAL SEXUAL ACTS BETWEEN TWO ADULT MALES. IT IS INTENDED FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE ONLY! IF YOU FIND THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL OFFENSIVE, IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, OR UNDER THE LEGAL AGE TO VIEW SUCH MATERIAL THEN PLEASE READ NO FURTHER.
(c)2007-2009 All original material contained here within is copyrighted by the author, Cameron Maxx, and may not be reproduced in any form without express written consent. The Nifty Archive is granted a non-exclusive, worldwide, royalty-free, perpetual, and non-cancelable license to display this work.
PLEASE NOTE: Feedback, both positive and negative, is welcomed and greatly appreciated. Abusive correspondence or flames of any kind will, of course, be strictly ignored - cameron.maxx@gmail.com
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INTRODUCTION
As promised, here's the new chapter after only a fairly short wait. Woowoo! Now, I'll admit it did take me a bit longer to get it posted then I first thought it might because I ended up rewriting a significant chunk of the damn thing. But, for those of you who've been with me on this journey for a while that should come as no surprise. Besides, that's the price you pay for reading the work of a mildly-OCD-almost-perfectionist author!
Long story short, the original version of this chapter was much darker and more turbulent. As I went back to finish it, I realized it wasn't the family that Josh had grown up with; it wasn't the Abbey that Alex knew and loved. The only thing worse than gay melodrama is unnecessary gay melodrama! So, I threw most of it out and started over.
I hope you all enjoy it and that you're having a great summer. Stay cool!
-Cameron
CHAPTER 12
The piercing, not quite shrill sound of the beeping alarm burrowed its way into my mind and slowly forced me up and out of the comfortable, early morning slumber I was in. I felt the sound in my eyes first, like mean spirited little needles poking at the back of my retinas. Without looking, I reached for the side table, feeling for the phone, the alarm, the source of my irritation. My hand missed it once, twice, then landed on it. My thumb punched the button on the side to silence the alarm. I still refused to open my eyes.
I felt Josh spooned against me, his back to my chest. He hadn't moved at all yet and I could tell by his breathing that he was still asleep. I finally opened my eyes and blinked a few times, trying to flush out the bleary morning sleep. My chin and throat rested against the back and top of his head; his hair was spilled on the pillow around my cheek.
"Josh?" I whispered. He still didn't stir and his breathing was deep and rhythmic. "Joshua!" I said a little louder, running my hand up and down the side of his abdomen and ribcage as I did. He jerked against me slightly and mumbled something unintelligible. "What?" I asked.
Still mumbling, half asleep, but sounding a bit more like English this time, "What time is it?" he asked me.
"A couple of minutes after 6:00," I answered. I waited for him to say something else or move. He did neither. "Come on," I said. "You promised me you'd get up. Now, hurry. You need to get back on the sofa."
"Okay, okay..." he sounded grouchy and groggy, but finally opened his eyes, stretching his back, arching himself back against me as he did. This forced his warm, inviting ass back into my crotch and my own dick, already a little plump thanks to nothing more than the nature of the morning, fell comfortably into his crack. I shuddered slightly, fighting my body's instinct to rut against him. But my dick ignored me and started to harden. He responded immediately, pushing back further and moving slowly up and down on my arousal. "Uhhmmm..." he almost moaned, "That feels good, doesn't it?"
"Josh," I said, doing my best to sound even keeled and in control. "Stop it. You've got to get back on the goddamn couch right now!" I practically hissed at him, trying not to be too loud while fighting to ignore the sensations his glorious backside was giving my dick.
"Alex, please..." using his most seductive, teasing voice now. "We have a little time."
"No, we don't!" I said firmly then put both hands on his back and pushed him away. He went, rolling onto his stomach as he did. The covers pulled back, revealing his bare back and part of his ass. He turned to look at me, his face lying on one cheek. I sat up, distancing myself from him even further. "Now get up, you little bastard and get that cute ass back to the sofa," I said before snapping my fingers and pointing at the door. "Go! Now."
"You're no fun," he pouted.
"No. None at all," I agreed with him. "It would be bad enough if your mom found you in bed with me. It would be worse if we weren't just sleeping."
He smiled mischievously, "That would be one way we could tell her," he leered at me.
"Get out," I said again, refusing to give him even an inch.
He broke into a huge grin, "We could show her exactly what it is you do to me. That way she'd understand why you just have to be my man."
I bit my lower lip hard, determined not to smile. Not giving into him when he was at his charming, sexy best was more difficult than I'd like to admit; there's always a siren singing you to shipwreck. "Sofa. Now," I said.
He took a deep breath, exhaling sharply then rolling his eyes. "Fine," he relented. He sounded like a bratty child that had just been denied a pile of shiny, wrapped presents on Christmas morning. One thing I'd learned about him over the last few months was just how fiercely competitive he still was. He wanted to win and he hated to loose, even over something as silly as a little sexual mind game.
He sat up on the opposite side of the bed, swinging his feet onto the ground before standing. Unable to resist, I moved quickly and gave his delicious little ass a quick swat. He jumped and turned around, giving me a telling look.
"Nope," he said. "You had your chance, buddy! And you blew it. So, none of that for you."
"Don't be like that," I said, feeling free to tease him now that I was in control and had him up and on his way back to the safety of the living room. "You know I love that fine ass of yours."
"Well, enjoy the view as I walk away because that's the last you'll be seeing of it for awhile." He turned and headed for the door.
"Hey," I said, noticing his briefs still lying on the bed. He didn't turn to look back so I grabbed them, wadded them up, and threw them hard. It was a good throw and the ball of underwear spanked him hard squarely on the back of the head.
"Uh!" he grunted, sounding surprised, as he grabbed the back of his head and turned to see what I'd thrown at him.
"You forgot your panties, sweetie," I said sweetly and smiled at him.
He bent, picking them off the floor, stood and extended his right hand then shot me the bird before turning again for the door and walking out.
I lay back down and laughed. "I really am terribly fond of him," I said aloud to the empty room.
I awoke again some time later. Bright morning sun shone down from the windows and I glanced at the clock. It was a little after 9:00 and I could hear voices coming from the living room and the smell of breakfast cooking. I hadn't planned on falling back asleep quite so soundly after kicking Josh out of my bed, but clearly had done so. I rolled over, sitting up and planting my bare feet on the floor. I stretched and yawned before standing slowly, taking a moment to find my groggy balance. I headed for the bathroom, absent-mindedly scratching at my balls as I went. Nothing like a good, through the boxers, early morning ball scratch.
After relieving my bladder and a quick brush of the teeth, I pulled a loose fitting tee on over my head and stepped into a pair of cargo shorts. My hair was a mess and my face needed washing but I didn't care. I was hungry and whatever was cooking in the kitchen smelled too good to keep waiting.
I descended the short stairs and stepped onto the living room floor. Josh was still on the sofa. His hair was a tattered, morning mess and his eyes and lips were both puffy like he'd been awakened only recently and against his will. He rolled his eyes to look up at me.
"Morning, sunshine!" I teased.
"I hate you," he mouthed back at me then turned back to the remote that lay on his chest and switched channels on the television.
I smiled and reached down, tousling his hair in my hand. He, of course, grunted his disapproval and pushed me away, not even bothering to look at me again. I could hear Abbey and Cadee in the kitchen and headed that direction, happy to leave the grouch to his sofa and TV show.
"Good morning," I said, sitting down in one of the chairs at the dining room table and looking into the kitchen at the mother and daughter who were preparing what appeared to be a deluxe breakfast fit for a number of people greater than the four currently in the house.
"Wow. Looking good there, tiger!" Cadee observed, every word dripping with sarcasm.
"Yeah, yeah," I said, dismissing her with a wave of my hand. "Less talk, more cook, woman."
"Great, just what my brother needs, more male pig influence in his life."
"Again, with the talking. Come on, I'm hungry!" I poked at her.
"Would you two cut it out?" Abbey interjected. "Besides Cadee, if you knew Alex as well as I do, you'd know we're lucky to even see him up this early. He's almost as bad as your brother when it comes to mornings."
"What can I say?" I said, giving her my most winning smile and a shrug of my shoulders. "Some things never change."
"Yeah, well at least Josh is still 20 and in college. What's your excuse?" she shot back at me.
"I don't need an excuse. I'm both a scholar and an artist. That's just how I roll."
"Oh, Lord," she said. "It's too early in the morning for your bullshit."
"Well then, stop bugging me and get the breakfast on the damn table."
She grabbed a spatula, brandishing it in my direction in a threatening manner. "Get out of here before I beat you with this. Go!" She used the kitchen utensil to point towards the living room and ordered me away, "Join my son on the couch, would you? We'll let you two lazy pricks know when breakfast is ready."
"Sounds good," I said. "That's all I wanted to hear."
I headed back towards the living room, passing between Josh and the television, aiming for the far end of the sofa where his feet were. I stood there looking down at him for a moment but he just ignored me, so I finally bent, pulled the cover back, raised his legs, and sat before dropping his feet into my lap and settling the comforter back over us.
"Got kicked out?" he asked, his eyes still focused on the TV.
"Yeah."
"I hate morning people."
"I'm with you," I agreed.
"They're not normal."
"No. It's not natural at all."
"I don't know how I'm related to them."
"Not when it comes to the morning thing, that's for sure," I told him.
"What are we watching?"
"Bad Boys."
"Jesus, Josh!"
"What? I haven't seen it in years. It's a guilty pleasure."
"It's not a guilty pleasure - Pretty Woman, The Good Son - those are guilty pleasures! Anything Michael Bay barfed out and tried to pass off as a movie is a crime against cinema and the man should never be allowed to work again," I ranted.
"Are you done yet?" he asked.
"Yes," I conceded.
"Good, cause we're watching it."
"Whatever." I rolled my eyes and exhaled sharply to make sure he understood just how strongly I disapproved of this trash being played on my very expensive television. I leaned forward and grabbed the latest issue of Rolling Stone off the coffee table with a huff and flipped to the article I'd started reading a few days earlier. Ten minutes later I was absorbed in the magazine and assumed he was focused on the movie. I registered his foot moving in my lap but thought nothing of it. Then I jerked as his toes dug in a little and begin to grasp and squeeze along my shaft.
"Josh!" I said sharply as my hand dropped down into the comforter on my lap. I grasped his ankle firmly and turned to him. His eyes were sparkling and an impish grin played at the corner of his lips.
"What?" he asked, his voice a study in exaggerated innocence.
"Stop it," I said.
"I'm just stretching," he said, his eyes still twinkling and his mouth now forming a half smile.
"Oh, really?" I asked.
"Really," he promised.
"Are you fucking crazy?" My hand on his ankle prevented him from stroking me, but his toes were still free to do their dirty work. And as they grasped and fondled me my dick started to respond, acting on its own accord now as though detached from my rational brain, which was still trying desperately to control the renegade member.
"Feels like you kind of like it," he said.
Before I could answer, Cadee rounded the corner from the kitchen, walking towards us. My heart raced. Josh hadn't seen her yet. "Breakfast is almost ready, guys. Why don't you head for the kitchen?" she said from behind him.
His foot froze in my lap and he arched his back, turning to look at his sister and trying to partially block her view of what might be going on in my lap under the cover. "Okay! We'll be right there."
Cadee stood there a minute, looking first at her brother, then me, then back to him. "Why are you acting weird?" she asked.
The breath was caught in my throat and my heart was pounding in my chest. My dick, even though his warm foot still rested on it, had shriveled. In fact, it felt like it was actually trying to crawl back into my body. I might as well have just jumped into a pool of freezing water.
"What are you talking about?" Josh responded. "We're just starving and it took you forever to get breakfast ready."
She looked at us a moment longer before shaking her head. "Whatever," then turned and walked back into the kitchen. I finally remembered to breath and exhaled loudly.
Josh turned back to me; his eyes were wide and a shit-eating grin was plastered to his face. He leaned over, so close to me that I could feel the breath from his lips on my face when he spoke. "It's fun messing with you! I think I'm going to do it more often." Then he landed a quick peck on my cheek before throwing the sheet off of himself and bounding towards the table, all college-age energy now ready to tear into a big meal.
I continued sitting on the sofa, staring blankly at the television screen for another few moments as I tried to get my pulse rate under control. "Christ..." I muttered under my breath before finally standing and heading towards the table where Josh already sat, one eyebrow cocked as he watched me approach.
Breakfast came and went and the rest of the morning passed quickly. The siblings spent their time in front of the television watching college football and, when not too interested in the game, I visited with Abbey at the dining room table. We had a quick lunch at a Vietnamese place a few blocks from the house then headed back. Josh and I had already told Cadee and her mom that we'd be making dinner at home that night followed by a movie, so it wouldn't seem odd when Josh announced his plan to help Abbey cook dinner.
We'd been back from lunch a little over an hour and I was beginning to wonder when he planned on making the announcement then I caught him giving me a look from across the room and knew the time had come. My stomach took a dive and I felt a little queasy. 'Here we go,' I thought.
"Hey, mom."
"Yes, dear?" she answered, looking up from the magazine she was thumbing trough.
"So, I was thinking ... why don't you and I make dinner for Cadee and Alex tonight while they go down to Venice Beach?"
"I think that sounds like a great idea," I chimed in, trying to sound nonchalant.
"Me, too!" Cadee said.
"Yeah, I bet you two do like that," Abbey said. "Why so generous all of a sudden, my son?"
"I don't know," he shrugged. "Just thought you might enjoy some time sharing a kitchen with me like we used to."
I bit my tongue, trying not to make a comment. Watching him work his mom even more efficiently than he worked me deserved a snide comment, but I thought it best to let him pull her strings, considering the current situation.
Cadee, however, showed no such restraint. "Oh, my god! You two make me want to fucking barf!" She turned to me. "Okay, let's get out of here while we can. I'm ready to see the ocean."
"We're out of here!" I said, before bending over to give Abbey a quick kiss on the head. "Thanks for lunch, friend."
"Get off me," she said and gave me a look I'd gotten from her son on more than one occasion when he was annoyed with me. And with that, I grabbed the keys and headed out the door to catch up with Cadee who was already waiting by the car.
It didn't take us long to get there from downtown as the freeways were still all but deserted because of the Thanksgiving holiday. I headed towards the beach on North Venice Boulevard before swinging right onto Pacific. Another left on Market brought us to an almost empty parking lot right in the middle of the walk. Windward Plaza was just a block or so below us and we could continue strolling south towards the pier before doubling back towards the car.
"No one's here," she said, sounding a little surprised.
"I told you. This place is a ghost town come Thanksgiving or Christmas."
"Yeah, but I just thought there'd still be people at the beach."
"There will be a few," I told her. "But, I can guarantee you none of them will be locals. We should have plenty of room to go wherever you'd like."
"Cool."
I pulled into one of the many available parking spaces and turned the car off. Cadee opened the door and with her usual exuberance hopped out and started towards the beach before I'd even gotten my door open. I caught up with her out on the open walk and felt the cool, ocean breeze caress my face. I took a deep breath, inhaling that salty air I'd come to love so much.
"Winded from the long walk, old man?" she inquired, giving me a sarcastic half smile.
"Fuck off," I said, not bothering to even look at her. "You sound like your brother."
"Well, then you should love that, right?"
"What?"
"Anything like my brother, I figured you'd like."
"He was always my favorite, I'll give you that," I said and shot her a sideways glance.
"That's nothing you have to tell me."
"Oh, come on! Am I going to guilt trip from you, too?"
"From me, too? What are you talking about?"
"I got a royal one from him a few days ago for abandoning him. So, do I get one from you now for leaving and for him being my favorite, too?"
"He thinks you abandoned him? Really?"
"Really. That's what he said."
"Did you apologize? I hope not," she stated firmly.
"No, not exactly. But he didn't really ask me to." I thought for a minute, choosing my next words carefully. "He explained that he felt like I wasn't just leaving Texas behind, but my life there, too and so by extension I left him. He acknowledged that it was childish and immature and unfair, but that doesn't change how it made him feel. I apologized for not being more in tune with what he was going through. I should have realized - or maybe should have appreciated more - that I wasn't just a friend of your mom's to him at that point. I was his friend, too. And, as your mom made painfully clear to me last night, I guess I was somewhat of a brother or father figure to him, too." I stopped for a minute and noticed she was waiting for me to finish my thought. "To answer your question, I didn't apologize to him for how he felt, but..." thinking about how to best express what I wanted to convey to her, I paused. Continuing, "But I did have to take responsibility for not understanding his view of the whole thing better. I was the adult and I owed him that."
I could tell she was digesting what I had said, turning it over and over. Finally she nodded, before meeting my eyes directly. "So, what are you to him now?"
I faltered, "What do you mean?"
"I think you know what I mean, Alex." We'd started walking slowing south, towards the pier and I tried to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. I felt a little unsteady now, her words catching me off guard. I knew it was my job to talk to her about this while Josh was talking to Abbey, but I had expected to be the one to bring it up. "Alex, I'm not a fucking retard," she said. "And neither are you. Do you think I really believe my brother just wanted to stay home and cook dinner for us with his mother?"
"Yeah, about that ... and I'm going to be honest with you, here. Dinner might not be ready when we get back to the house. In fact, I'm not really sure if there's going to be much cooking going on at all."
"Why's that?"
"Well, Josh needed some time alone with your mom to ... to talk."
"And tell her what?" she asked. Before I could answer, she did it for me. "That after all these years of denying, then hoping, then scheming he finally got you in bed with him?"
I stopped dead in my tracks, turning to look at her. My mouth opened, then closed, opened again, but nothing came out. Cadee looked back at me, a serious but not unpleasant look on her face. I had thought of a hundred different ways to say it, a hundred different paths this conversation might take but at that moment they all failed me. Instead, I just stood there staring at her like a deaf, dumb mute.
"Alex," she said, then snapped her finger in front of my face. I blinked, jerked back a little. "Am I wrong?"
The answer that came out of my mouth was a simple one, and short, "No."
She said nothing, did nothing, at all for what felt like an eternity. Then she smiled. Then she laughed. Then she moved forward suddenly and grabbed me roughly. I flinched, not sure of her intentions. My brain clicked in and it dawned on me that she was giving me a hug and I relaxed a little. She stepped back, looking me up and down, then laughed again. "You dog!" she exclaimed and punched me in the arm.
"Ouch!" I said. "That was hard."
She paid me no attention, the huge grin still on your face. "You dirty old man, you!" then punched me again, in the exact same place.
"Ow! Cadee, stop hitting me in the same place! Shit." I started rubbing my sore arm, thinking there would probably be a decent size bruise there come tomorrow morning. I'd considered the possibility that Abbey might hit me when she found out I was schtupping her son, but wasn't prepared for an ecstatic beating from his sister especially here in public during the middle of the day.
She finally seemed to calm down, but was still shaking her head. "So, how'd he do it?" she asked.
"Do what?" I was still rubbing myself and was watching her closely, ready to step back out of reach if it looked like she might take another swing at me.
"How'd he convince you that banging him was worth the possibility of my mom murdering you?"
"You know, you're not really making this easy on me if everything comes down to me screwing your brother or your mom killing me."
"Oh, I'm just fucking with you." She looked at me, rolled her eyes, and then took a breath. "Okay, fine. How did he convince you to enter into this," she stopped and thought a minute, "This relationship."
"Can we walk and talk?"
"Sure," she said and we resumed our leisurely pace south.
"What makes you think he had to convince me? You make it sound like your brother's a troll or some sort of vagabond that has to be taken in off the street."
"No, it's not that. It's just that I know you. And I know him. If it had been left up to him, you two would have been doing it back when he was 15 or 16..." I opened my mouth to protest, but she held her hand up to stop me then continued, "Him. I said if it had been up to him. But, it wasn't. And, I know you, too. You're a good guy under all the tough, sarcastic asshole bullshit and I know you're no kid fucker. Josh could have ripped every piece of clothing off, vaulted his bare ass into your lap, and started grinding and the only thing you'd have done is leave the room. Am I right?"
I looked at her and nodded. "You're right. And, just for the record, I would have told him to put some damn clothes on then I would have left the room."
"Of course. Exactly."
"How long have you known?"
"Well, I think it started becoming pretty obvious when you left Austin. The way he acted when you'd call, all pouty and pissy one moment, then giddy like a girl the next. I thought it was pretty clear."
"Maybe, but you were still a kid at that point."
"I might have been a kid, but I'm a girl. Trust me, we all know what it looks like when a girl's got a crush on a guy from the time we're old enough to talk."
"First of all, your brother's not a girl. And, secondly, what you might have taken for a crush could have just been a boy with a mom, a sister, no brother, and limited contact with his dad who was really missing the male he'd been closest to."
"Whatever. You can argue all you want, but I knew what I knew and if he's at home having this conversation we're having right now with mom, it means I was right." I was about to respond when she added, "Plus, there's one other thing that I know for sure was not a guy missing his brother or dad."
"Oh, Jesus. Do I even want to know?"
"If you ask, I'll tell you," she promised.
I thought for a moment. "We've gone this far, might as well tell me."
"Okay, about four years ago - I remember because he was driving by then but didn't have his car yet - I woke up around 1:00 or so in the morning and had to go to the bathroom. As I was passing his room in the hall, I noticed there was light coming from under his door. I stopped and was about to go in because I thought maybe he'd forgotten to turn his lamp off before he fell asleep, but before I opened the door, I heard him mumbling something..."
"Cadee," I tried to stop her to no avail.
"Nope! You asked. Anyway, I put my face up against the door and listened. It took me a minute to figure out what he was saying because it was really more of a moan than actual words. Then, it hit me. He was saying your name. Alex, over and over again, then he said please, please. I heard, well you know the sound, and I realized he was jerking off. More specifically he was jerking off to you!"
"So, you stood there listening to your brother masturbate? You're a twisted bitch, you know that?"
"Hey, curious minds want to know," she dismissed me. "All of a sudden, the sound got faster and he moaned really loud and then it hit me. Shit! I'm standing in the hall listening to my brother get off, listening to him fantasizing about you getting him off! So, I ran, did what I needed to do in the bathroom then headed back to bed."
"Well, that's just a delightful, heart warming, little family memory, huh?"
"Wait! There's more."
"Cadee, I really don't think I need..." I tried to convince her but she was already off again as if I wasn't even part of the conversation.
"So, the next morning when I woke up I was, of course, trying to convince myself that there was no way I'd actually heard what I'd heard. He was still asleep; as I'm sure you know sleeping late was never a problem for him and waking him up is no easy task. Long story short, I snuck into his room, pulled the cover back and guess what? Yep! Huge load of dry, crusty cum all over his stomach and chest."
"Lovely," I muttered.
"You got it. Big, load of cum dried up after being pumped out all for you, Alex. So you still want to tell me he was just missing a brother or father figure?"
Despite my gut instinct to continue defending some imagined form of his childhood innocence, I decided it was a losing battle. Plus, there was obviously no judgment in Cadee's words. She was just telling me her side of the story. "No," I conceded. "I guess not."
"Thank you!" she said, triumphantly but not cruelly.
We had made it all the way to the Venice Pier by then and as the afternoon would soon be turning to evening, the sun had begun its slow, graceful descent towards the ocean. "Shall we walk out over the water and find a bench to watch the sunset from?" I asked her.
She reached out and took my hand in hers. "Sounds romantic. But, just so you know, I don't put out as easily as my brother does."
I laughed and shook my head. "Come on," I said and lead her by the hand out onto the pier. "We'll just have to wait and see how the night ends. I got into your brother's pants so you never know."
"That's true, but he had something in his pants that you wanted."
"Touche, darling."
We stopped at a bench about halfway down the pier and watched the setting sun turn huge and orange. Then, the entire ocean caught fire and burned and shimmered as it welcomed the departing star into its horizon. I did most of the talking; she listened. I told her about our trip back to Texas for my dad's funeral and how the first signs of our emerging attraction had really started there. Then, though it was painful to recount, I told her about my decision to let the whole thing die quietly and how badly that had impacted Josh. At last, I came to that night and the confrontation in my bedroom where it all had almost gone horribly wrong. Moving beyond that, I filled her in on how we'd hatched the plan to tell Abbey and that it was really his choice; he had insisted on being the one to tell his mom and to do it on his own.
"And, that pretty much brings us to you and me sitting here on this bench watching the sunset," I concluded.
"Can I ask you a few questions?" she said after a moment of comfortable silence.
"Of course."
Without hesitation, "Do you love him?"
"Oh! Right for the big one, huh?"
"Why not?"
"Let me think about this for a minute," I said. I took a moment to gather my thoughts. Even though I'd ask myself this very question several times, I'd never been able to answer it, much less string together a coherent statement to say aloud. "Here's the thing - I think, because of our history - that's a more complicated question than it might be under normal circumstances. There's no doubt that I'm crazy about him. I miss him when we're apart and there are times that I long for him, just to be near him, in a way that's almost a physical ache. I care about him so much that sometimes it's overwhelming. But, on another level, my heart still sees him as this kid that I met years ago and my mind never forgets that he's your mother's son. So, just plunging into this whole thing and whipping out the big L-word, in a sexual or romantic sense, hasn't been as straight forward as it might be in another relationship."
"That makes sense, it really does," she assured me.
"Does it?"
"Yeah, for sure. I mean, if you weren't worried about and thinking about all of that, then I'd be concerned. The fact that you are just proves to me that you really do care about him a lot."
"I do, Cadee. I really do."
"I know that, Alex. And so does he, you should never doubt that."
I smiled gratefully and nodded. "So, next question?"
"Has he told you he loves you?"
"No," I said. "Neither of us has crossed that line yet."
"Do you worry about the age difference?" she asked.
"How do you mean? Like, do I worry what other people will think?"
"No, not that. I mean do you worry that starting a relationship with him when he's 20 might not be the most stable thing to do?"
"Yes," I answered honestly. "I really do. Listen, he's incredibly mature and grounded for his age, but he's still 20. There's just an ocean of time and experience and life between his age and mine. So, yes ... it might be selfish, but I can't help to worry about that."
"That's only natural, I think. My boyfriend worries about it, too. But he's not nearly as elegant as you are when it comes to expressing it."
"Your boyfriend?" I inquired.
"Yeah. He's 24," she answered without hesitation.
"Shit," I said. "Does your mom know?"
"Not exactly, no."
"You really are his sister, aren't you?"
"Why? Because we both like older men?"
"Yes, well. There's that," I had to admit. "But, I was actually talking about the whole 'not exactly' telling your mother stuff."
"Oh, that," she said. "Isn't that just normal mother-child relations?"
"Maybe you're right."
After a brief pause, she asked, "Okay, one more question."
"Shoot," I said.
"So, who's the girl in the relationship?"
"Cadee!"
"It's Josh, isn't it?" she inquired gleefully. "My brother's totally the girl in the relationship, isn't he?"
"Look, first of all our sex life is none of your business. And secondly, no matter what does or doesn't happen between your brother and me in private has nothing to do with either one of us being 'the girl' in the relationship."
"Whatever!" she rolled her eyes.
"I'm serious. Trust me, your brother still loves sports, he still leaves his dirty clothes in piles on the floor all over the house, and he's still every bit as ridiculously competitive as he's ever been. Nothing's changed that and I don't think anything ever will." I stopped then asked her, "Are you listening to me?"
"Yeah, yeah! You're no fun."
I started to tell her that her brother had told me the same thing, but then decided against it as I was sure I knew the questions that it would invariably lead to. "Bottom line, no matter what the sex might involve, it doesn't change the person he is inside."
"Well, it kind of does," she said.
I shot her a look and debated on whether or not I should ask, then decided to go ahead and be adventurous. "I'm sure I'm going to regret this, but please tell me how that changes him."
"Because I'd assume that, at least a few times a week now, YOU'RE the person inside of him."
I opened my mouth to protest, then just shook my head instead and accepted defeat. I took a deep breath and sighed loudly.
"I'm so right; he's so the girl in the relationship!" she said with a fair amount of amusement evident in her voice.
"Let's just watch the last of the sunset, shall we?" I asked.
"Sure. Sounds good to me," she said and then punched me lightly again in the same place on my shoulder.
"Ouch!" I flinched. "Cadee! Fucking stop doing that."
She just laughed then watched the sun slide further into the glittering Pacific.
The ocean had extinguished all but the last few rays of daylight when my phone beeped, telling me I had a text message. It was Josh. He offered no details, just come home.
"Well?" Cadee asked.
"I don't know," I said. "Your brother, as I'm sure you are aware, isn't always the most emotive of people; he just said we can head back now."
"You ready?"
I looked at her. She seemed really concerned for me. "I don't know. I hope so."
She took my hand in hers again. "I'm sure it's going to be fine. My brother loves you and my mom loves both of you. So, it can't be that bad, right?"
"Let's hope not," I paused then finished, "But promise me you'll be ready to call 9-1-1 just in case."
She laughed. "Okay, I'll have it ready to go."
The drive back seemed to fly by. As we pulled into the garage, I found myself thinking more of that typical L.A. traffic might have been a nice thing on this particular evening. I put the car in park and killed the engine. I looked at Cadee. "Now or never, huh?" I asked her.
"Now or never, stud."
Then we were out of the car and walking into the entry. Josh was on the second level, in the living room, looking at us. None of us said anything. We were all waiting for one of the other two to speak first.
Finally I said, "Where's your mom?"
"In the shower," he answered. "She said she needed a few minutes to relax and digest it all."
Cadee turned to me. "Now that's a nice touch. Why didn't I get a warm shower after I had to listen to you go on and on about butt sex for the last two hours?"
I cracked up; I couldn't help it. But, I still got the sharply pointed look Josh shot me. "Alex!" he said.
"Calm down, brother." Cadee walked up the few steps to where he stood then gave him a hug. "I'm just messing with you," she said, pulling back and looking at him. "Besides, Alex wouldn't discuss catcher-pitcher dynamics with me no matter how hard I tried to get it out of him."
I snorted out another quick laugh. Josh looked at me, looking a little bewildered and overwhelmed. "Come here, buddy," I said to him.
He walked to me and I opened my arms, taking him in and wrapping him up tight against me. I help him a moment, hugging him fiercely, then bowed my head slightly and kissed his sweet hair.
He looked up at me. "I'm tired," and he looked it.
"So?"
"She had a lot of questions. A lot." He turned to look at Cadee then. "A lot of questions, even for her."
"That bad, huh?" she responded.
I was trying not to rush him, but was growing impatient. "Well, skip the questions for now and get to the end, will you?"
He looked back at me. "It's not bad. She's not angry, but she's kind of..." he stopped, looking for the right word, "...quiet, I guess. She's been kind of quiet."
"Hard to read?" I asked.
"Yeah. Exactly." He looked away then back at me. "And, there's one more thing."
I sighed. "Okay, lay it on me."
"She wants to talk to you - alone - when she gets out of the shower."
"Alone?"
"That's what she said. She wants me to take Cadee somewhere so that you two can have an uninterrupted conversation."
"Shit!" Cadee said. We both turned to look at her. "How am I supposed to call the cops if she starts beating you when I'm not here?"
I smiled and shook my head. Josh looked at me, confused. "Don't worry about it," I told him.
"I see everybody's back," said Abbey. I think both her children and I flinched a little at the sound of her voice. None of us had seen her appear from the hall at the far end of the living room. She stood there now, looking very relaxed I was happy to note, peering down at the three of us. Even though he and I were no longer touching, Josh took a small step away from me.
"Hey, mom," Cadee said. God bless her, she was trying very hard to sound normal.
"How was Venice Beach?" she asked, starting towards us. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck!' I thought. The flight or fight instinct was trying to kick in. I held my ground.
"Good," she answered. "It was awesome. Alex and I walked out onto the pier and watched the sunset."
"That sounds lovely." She'd arrived at where Cadee was standing and draped an arm around her daughter's shoulders. Now they both stood there, looking at Josh and I who were still standing in the entry.
"You two look nervous," Abbey observed.
Josh opened his mouth to say something, paused, then closed it again. I took a deep breath and said, "I think I can speak for both of us when I say we are a little nervous." He nodded his agreement.
"Well, you can both relax," she said. "I'm not going to snap and go crazy. There will be no screaming or beatings going on here tonight. And," she added, turning to Cadee, "You don't need to worry about calling the cops. It won't come to that."
"Okay. Good," Cadee said and grinned. "But, just so you know, I already told Alex I'd be a witness for him if you went all O.J. and Nicole."
Abbey chuckled. "No, none of that for him tonight." She turned back towards me. "Would you mind if Josh took your car and gave his sister a ride around town for awhile so that we can talk?"
"Not at all," I said.
"Great! Kids, how about you give us an hour and then head back?"
I gave him the keys and they said their goodbyes to us, then they were gone and I found myself alone with Abbey for the first time since our shared lives had entered an unmistakably new phase.
"So, you want to open a bottle of wine?" she asked me.
"Shit!" I exhaled. "Yes."
I followed her towards the kitchen. "Go ahead and sit down," she said looking back at me. "I'll get it."
"You know where the corkscrew is?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, I'll be on the sofa," I told her. I walked over to it and kicked my shoes off before sitting down. I looked around and discovered I was strangely calm. I had detected no sign of malice in her voice and the idea of some wine sounded absolutely wonderful at that moment.
She headed my direction, a cold bottle of white in one hand and two glasses in the other. Sitting down in the wing chair she put the bottle on the table before filling my drink and then hers. She handed mine to me then took a deep sip from her glass. I did the same. It was an excellent Albarino I'd bought earlier in the week for the Thanksgiving weekend. It tasted great on my tongue. We sat quietly for a moment, both enjoying the wine.
"Can I ask you something?" she turned to me.
"Sure."
"Do you think he's really gay?"
It wasn't the question I'd expected it, but it was a perfectly valid one. "Honestly, I don't know. And trust me, I've spend a lot of time thinking about it," I confessed. "Did you ask him?"
"Yeah."
"And what was his answer?"
"More or less the same as yours."
"Did he tell you anything about his past relationships?"
"He did," she was thoughtful for a moment. "I'm assuming I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, so I'll just go on ... he said he'd dated both men and women and that several had been serious and somewhat long term."
I nodded. "Yeah, pretty much what he's told me."
"He said he was probably more attracted to guys overall," she continued, "But that he couldn't entirely rule out women either."
"What are your thoughts on that?"
"I don't know, Alex." She looked at me again. "I mean, I always thought I'd be fine if one of them told me they were gay, but I never really expected this back and forth thing. It seems like he's undecided or incomplete. I know that sounds awful, but I can't help but feel that way about it."
"Kids these days, huh?" She laughed. "Tell me about it!" I continued, "I'm not sure what to make of it either. I've actually gotten him to talk about it with me, but it's still hard for me to wrap my head around. It does make me a little unsure of the whole thing, but I'm just trying to understand it for him."
She took another drink of her wine then sat the glass down. "I've been thinking about all of this a lot. I took a very, very long shower and really thought about it. I won't bore you with all the details, but there are two things I want you to know. Okay?"
"Okay," I said.
"First, I'm not going to lie, this was a shock. Maybe it shouldn't have been. In fact, I know it shouldn't have been but I guess you don't have to really know something until you know it. And, while this isn't exactly the life I'd envisioned for him, I know beyond a shadow of doubt who he is and who you are. I know you both are good men - kind men - who have a connection that very few people are lucky enough to have; I would never even think to take that away from him. I know you give him something, some sense of wholeness and happiness that no one else has ever been able to. Even since he was a kid, he was always looking for something. No matter how smart, or how attractive, or how popular he was, I knew that he still felt like an outsider to some degree. He felt disconnected. But, that all changed the moment he met you." She paused for a minute, looking at me very intently. "I'd be a terrible person, a horrible mother, if I tried to ruin that for him and I won't. But, you'll have to give me a few days to adjust. Thinking of you two as a couple, seeing you together in that way, it might take me a little while but I'll get there," she told me.
"I know you will," I assured her. "And I know he appreciates that. So do I."
She smiled a gentle smile and nodded. "Now, the second thing I need you to know is this. The bottom line here is that he's my son first and foremost. And he always will be. So, if something were to happen in the future between the two of you, I can't promise it won't affect our friendship. I will take his side. I always will and even if I know he's wrong, I don't know that you and I will still be friends when the dust settles." She looked down then reached for her glass for another drink.
I gave her a moment, then, "I've though about that, too. And it breaks my heart. The idea of you and I no longer being friends is something I don't even want to consider and, of course, I hope that if something were to happen we could work through it. But, I know it might not be possible. In fact, this whole time knowing you'd be here and that this would all come out, it was the idea of losing you that was really making me nervous." I stopped, considering my words carefully. "But, and I mean this in the best way possible, I think he's worth that risk."
She looked up at me, then reached over and laid her hand on top of mine. "I knew you'd say that and that's why I couldn't disapprove of this whole thing even if some part of me wants to; because I know you'd always choose him over anything else in the whole world. And, when you get right down to it, what else could a mom ask for?"
I took her hand in mine and squeezed it. "Thank you, Abbey." We both sat there quietly, enjoying the wine and being in each other's presence. Our friendship still felt comfortable and familiar and it was nice.
"You know what this means, don't you?"
She looked at me, "What's that?"
"At some point in the future, you might be my mother-in-law."
"Ha!" she cackled then said, "Fuck off." With that, she finished off the wine in her glass with one, big swig.