This is a work of fiction. It will eventually contain sexual acts between consenting men. If gay sex is illegal in your area, or you're under the age of consent in your area, or you just flat out don't like queer sex (what the hell would you be at this site for?) then go away. Comments, questions, and ideas welcome and appreciated, and will be responded to. Please put 'Nifty' in the subject line so I know it's not spam. Thanx, and enjoy. Chris Email to gaiasdruid@aol.com
Group Dynamics-Chapter 3
Plato once said the joys of the flesh were tempered by the condemnation of man. I always took that to mean a person's pleasures are dampened by what other people dictated was "proper". With the realization that two of my new roommates had gotten a glimpse of my sexuality, I was beginning to believe that he meant that we condemn ourselves. I had gone through the early part of my life hiding my homosexuality because I was convinced that other people's small-mindedness would be a problem. Now I was starting to feel ashamed of myself. It's one thing to be gay and proud, I told myself, but it's another thing entirely to shove it in my roommates' faces.
Granted, Matt walked in on me. He opened MY door into MY private sanctuary, without knocking or invite. I wasn't trying to let him see me doing my business. In fact, I didn't doubt that he, and the other three for that matter, stroked off a load or two during their day. What was getting to me was the video I had on, which I'm sure he saw, and the fact that I had two fingers shoved up my backdoor. I'm sure none of them went poking in their nether regions. It made me feel wrong, like I should just enjoy jerking off without the added stimulus.
The proud fag in me scoffed at my paranoia. It was my body, after all, so I can do with it whatever I want, right? But my gut was still tied up in knots. I didn't know how I could face them, any of them. No doubt Matt has already gleefully told the others what he had seen. They were probably out there snickering already. Ryan will probably let loose his little tidbit of dirt, regardless of his promise not to say anything. Off to a great start this year, Lukas.
I hit the stop button on the remote and watched the screen go blank. With a heavy sigh, I walked into my bathroom and jumped into the shower, washing away the evidence of my guilt. I kept the water as hot as I could stand, almost scalding myself in my efforts to feel clean. Five minutes later, and not feeling any more cleansed, I turned off the water and stepped out onto the plush rug outside the shower. I grabbed a towel from the rack and dried myself off thoroughly, my head filled with gloomy thoughts. I wrapped the towel around my waist and went back into the bedroom to grab some clothes.
A quick glance around the room to make sure all the "gay" things were put away and hidden, I walked over to my door. With a deep breath, I pulled open the door and stepped out into the main room. Time to face the flack, I thought with a feeling of trepidation.
A quick glance around the room showed no one was around. Perplexed, I walked around the common room, knocking on the other doors to see where the others were. Something fluttering on the dining room table caught my attention. Someone had left a note. I walked over to it, and saw it was addressed to me. I picked it up, unfolded it, and read:
Luke,
We went to the store to buy some liquor. Tonight is "drunken college students doing things we'll be ashamed of in the morning in the hot tub" night. We're getting beer, hard liquor, mixers, and lots and lots of junk food. (Gotta fill up our pantry, no?) We'll be back in about a half-hour. We have to go to dinner then orientation, and then we have the rest of the weekend to act like jackasses. We've talked about it (the rest of us), and we've decided it was get to know your neighbor time too. We figure getting blitzed would help us all relax and spill our deepest, darkest dirt. So lay out a suit (which will probably be redundant seeing as how we're all gonna be too drunk to know what the fuck we're wearing) and be ready to PARTY!
Later, Jude
PS Matt says, "You GO, boy!" and Ryan says "Don't panic!" Whatever that means. PPS Ryan wants to borrow some Speedos from you, since you two are closer in size that either me or Josh.
As I read through the letter, I felt a growing panic. I couldn't do this. Me, in a hot tub, in Speedos, drunk, with four hunks? Oh, hell no! And what was this shit about spilling dirt? And doing things we'd be ashamed of? Something told me that Ryan and Matt had something to do with those ideas. Then, as I got to the end and I saw Matt and Ryan's post scripts, I began to calm down. Matt apparently was ok with what he had seen, and Ryan was letting me know that his promise still stood.
Not knowing how long ago they had taken off, I went back into my room to see if I could find some baggy swimming trunks. I knew I had a few pairs, because I only wore my Speedo when swimming in pools, either in practice or in competition. Digging around in my drawers, I found them stuffed near the back of the bottom drawer. Ryan must have put them there when he was helping me unpack.
A few minutes later, I heard the front door slam open, and the loud boisterous sound of my roommates filled the suite. Glancing out my room, I saw the four guys stumble in with arms loaded with grocery bags. They were chatting a mile a minute, though, because of the amount of chatter, I could only discern a few words here and there. They went into the kitchenette, jockeying for position in the cramped quarters, and one by one deposited their bags and returned to continue their chat in the living room.
I walked out and was greeted by a chorus of hellos.
"Hey guys," I said, "bring me back anything good to eat?"
"Twinkies," said Ryan, with a small grin.
"Fruit Loops," added Matt, catching onto Ryan's tease.
I glared at both.
"What, no Ding-Dongs or Ho-Hos?" I asked, snidely.
"Nah, but we did bring back a whole mess of `likker'," said Jude, oblivious to our verbal spars.
"Well, since y'all paid, I guess I'll put everything away. Gives me a chance to scope out the grub."
"Leave my jerky alone. That is OFF limits, at least until I've had first bite," Josh yelled after me.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I said over my shoulder.
I went into the kitchen, grateful for an excuse not to have to face the grilling I was sure to come. Well, maybe not so sure anymore. Both Ryan and Matt were acting very cool about this. Sure they were both dropping little jokes, but unless you knew what was going on, they seemed innocent to the others. I began to reevaluate my opinions on straight guys.
Kitchen stocked, a bit, I went back out to the living room to join the conversation.
"...not that good looking," Josh was saying.
"Who's not that good looking?" I asked, taking a seat next to Jude.
"Some chick we saw at the corner store," answered Ryan. " She was making goo-goo eyes at Joshy here."
"I pointed her out to him and told him to go ask her for her digits, but he just blushed a pretty crimson and mumbled something under his breath and walked away," Jude snickered.
"Yeah, dude, what DID you say, anyway?" asked Matt.
"I just said she wasn't my type," answered Josh.
"Not your type?!" gasped Jude. "Dude, she was fucking hot!"
"Like I said, she wasn't that good looking."
"Ya need to get your eyes examined, man," said Matt.
"Hey, maybe what he finds attractive isn't the same as you guys," I said.
Matt, who had been taking a drink from his soda, spit it out in a blast and started choking. Ryan started to laugh as well, laughing at Matt. Again, I glared at them. I knew why they were laughing. Josh and Jude didn't though, and so they had the privilege of asking the natural follow-up question.
"OK, smart ass," grinned Jude, "What does your ideal woman look like?"
Matt and Ryan suddenly went quiet, glancing at each other. Ryan winced a bit, and Matt shook his head.
"Who cares what Lukey likes. I wanna know what Joshy likes," said Matt quickly. "He's the one that turned down the babe."
"Josh is blind, obviously," said Jude. "Luke is the one that missed our outing. He needs to spill. Maybe the chick is his type."
"Doubtful," muttered Ryan, almost too low to hear.
"What did you say?" asked Josh.
"I said `Double'," Ryan said quickly. "I meant that she was double his type."
"Um, well, my type is, um, tall, beautiful, in shape, nice hair and eyes, and intelligent," I ticked off on my fingers. "Oh, and a great sense of humor, too."
"Ok, we all want the personality and the humor," said Jude. "Give us details, man. You like them with big tits, shaved pussies, what?"
Um, shaved is definitely a turn on," I said, blushing furiously.
I could feel Ryan and Matt's eyes boring into me. They were noticing my lack of female references. If this line of conversation kept going in the same vein, I was gonna let something slip, or I was gonna have to start lying. I didn't want to lie. If and when I ever came out to these guys, I didn't want them to be able to go back and point out this conversation and call me a liar. I looked at Matt and Ryan pleadingly, begging them silently to change the topic, or at least move it away from me. Unfortunately Jude and Josh were not cooperating.
"Aw, come on, Luke," whined Jude, grinning. "Tell me what gets you hot. I need some new mental images for my nightly stroke sessions."
"Not while I'm in the room," protested Ryan. "Stroke all you want, just do it in the bathroom so I don't have to see you at it."
"Fuck you, Ryan," laughed Jude. "You'll be in your bed doing it just as often. I spank off in bed, not on the toilet."
"Okay, this is TMI, fellas," said Matt with a groan. "I don't want to hear how you choke your chicken."
"Bite me," said Jude. "C'mon, Luke. Give me something."
There was nothing for it. I couldn't lie, and they weren't gonna let me stay quiet. Fine. If they were gonna push it, I'll give them the shock of their lives. They asked for it, so I might as well get it over with.
"OK, ya wanna know what my perfect lay would be? OK, fine. The body needs to be lean and muscular, a swimmer or a runner, preferably. Hair color is unimportant, but I tend to prefer darker hair. Eyes are also no big deal, but blue and green get me hot. A pierced nipple makes the chest more appealing, and a flat, tight stomach with the muscles slanting in to point me down to the fun below the belt."
I was getting into this, seeing how far I could describe the perfect body before they figured out I wasn't talking about a girl. I could tell both Jude and Josh were paying rapt attention to my descriptions. They had already made a few discreet adjustments to their jeans. Ryan and Matt were also paying close attention, but for a very different reason. I think they knew I was about to spill everything out, and they were having fun watching the other two guys get hot under the collar for all the wrong reasons.
"Like I said earlier, I like the skin shaved smooth. The body is hard as rock, under skin that feels like silk to the casual touch. Tanned or fair doesn't matter, but the lack of tan lines makes me drool. It means someone has been sun worshiping in the raw, and that is sexy. Strong, firm legs that taper down to smooth feet, with toes so sexy you can't help but want to suck on them like candy.
"And when your looking at the back, you see strong, firm shoulders, and a well-defined back that ends in the tightest, most squeezable bubble-butt this side of the universe."
It was time for the shock value.
"I'd kneel down and kiss that ass gently, before I used my hands to turn it away from me so I could see, up close and personal, the object of my desire. Then I'd open my mouth, stick out my tongue, and proceed to lick..."
Groans from my audience.
"C'mon, Luke," whined Josh. "Finish it. Damn you should write porn stories. You got me ready to pop."
Grinning, Ryan spoke up quickly, "Yeah, finish it. I'm dying to know what gets your motor going."
With a smile, and a resigned sigh, I forged ahead.
"I'd stick out my tongue and lick up and down..." More groans as I paused again, "getting the area all wet and moist before I swallow the whole, huge dick down my throat."
Jude and Josh were leaning towards me, listening intently to every word, hands between their legs, obviously rubbing their erections through their jeans. At my last line, there was a brief pause, as what I said registered with both guys. Then...
"Real funny, Luke," growled Jude. "If ya didn't wanna share, all ya had to do is say so. No sense in saying shit like that."
"Yeah, man. Don't be joking about shit like that," agreed Josh.
I took a deep breath, and then said, "I wasn't joking. I'm, uh, well, I'm gay."
Another pause, and then, "What the fuck?" yelled Josh, "You're a fuckin' faggot?"
Jude glanced nervously at Ryan "Please tell me your still kidding around, dude," he said.
I stayed silent. There was nothing I could say. My secret was out, and I couldn't take it back. Ryan and Matt sat there watching the other two. They knew already, so they were watching Jude and Josh's reaction.
Jude stood up abruptly, self-consciously holding his hand over his still obvious erection.
"Fuckin' fag. Keep the fuck away from me, you queer fuck!" he said.
He stormed off to his room and slammed the door behind him. Josh sat there for a moment longer, looking at me in disbelief. Then he too stood and walked away, muttering under his breath. He entered his own room and shut the door. I was left alone in the living room with Ryan and Matt.
"Well?" I said, morosely. "You two wanna do me a favor and get your insults outta your system now, so I can have them all at once."
"I already told you it didn't bother me," said Ryan. "We're still good."
"Yeah, and I don't care who you fuck," added Matt. "Sex is sex; it's all the same to me."
"Really, Luke. Those two will come around. We'll go talk to them," said Ryan, laying a consoling hand on my shoulder.
"And if they don't come around, we can have them booted to another dorm," Matt said with a grin.
"Thanks, guys. I appreciate you guys being so cool about this. This is the first time I've actually said those words out loud," I said. "Felt kinda good."
"I bet," quipped Matt.
"We should get ready for dinner," said Ryan, rising to his feet. "We can talk to them before we go."
"Yeah, sure. OK," I said. I wasn't gonna hold my breath. Some guys just couldn't handle gay people. And if Jude and Josh's comments were any indication, they were numbered among those intolerable ones.
"It'll be ok, Luke. Trust me," said Matt. "They'll accept it. They're out numbered, three to two. Open minded versus small minded."
With that, Ryan and Matt went into their respective rooms and prepared to talk some sense into their respective roommates. I went into my room, shut my door, and collapsed on my bed, emotionally exhausted, and hoping for the best, but predicting the worst. TBC