-Greg and Tim *************
"I just don't see you with him!" fire practically shot out of his eyes. Oh yes, Greg was definitely not a fan of Chuck. "It should be someone else. Someone that fits you better, is a better match for your wit and temperament. Someone that doesn't see you as competition but as an equal. Someone that can be your companion."
He stopped there. He did not explain further. He just stood there huffing like a bull.
What was Greg saying? Companion? Did he feel for me as I did for him?
"Greg, are you saying that someone is you?"
He stepped forward and looked me in the eye. Possessive. That's what I saw. Possessiveness.
"I'm saying not him." He reached out and touched my arm. "Please Tim. Not him."
******* Chapter 2
What was really happening here? My head was spinning with Greg's confession. Confession? Is that what it was? I need time to process all this. My emotions are clouding what just happened. I need to shut off what I am feeling and let my head take over and sort out the situation.
Isn't it funny how you find yourself in a conversation 180 degrees from what you thought it was going to be about? I thought lunch would be the same old thing, Greg and me talking like always, laughing and just enjoying being with each other. Then it turned into a complete mess causing me to get up and walk out. Then I thought Greg was coming for round 2 and then WHAM! His heartfelt words just knocked me on my ass.
I am still standing here looking at him not sure what to say.
"Greg, I don't know what to say to that."
My mouth continues to move but no words come out. I'm blank. Greg looks at me intently. I wonder if there is more he is going to say. I don't know that I'm ready for more.
"Tim, don't say anything. I want you to just think about what I said."
Well he doesn't need to worry about that. I doubt I will think of much else. I wonder if he and Chuck have had some kind of altercation. They must have otherwise this is doesn't add up for me.
"Have dinner with me. Since we didn't get to eat lunch, and I will take credit for that" Greg grins that sexy grin of his. "I would say let's eat now but I have to get back to the office."
He stands there expectantly looking at me.
"Greg, is it Ok to let you know later? I need to think." I need to let this process. He may have been thinking about this for as while but I haven't.
"Take as much time as you need. Just don't overthink it. I know you Tim. You will anylize this for days. But please don't shut me out in the mean time."
"Greg, I'm not saying we won't be talking to each other. I just need to think about what everything you said."
Shut him out...I can't evision a world where that would happen. Greg is my best friend. The person I most look forward to seeing. Just talking to him makes me smile. He can change my mood with just the sound of his voice and when he looks at me, my stomach does summersaults. Sometimes I wonder if I am a grown man in his 30's or a teenager with a crush. My feelings for Greg are very strong but now I don't know what to think about him watching me. It sounds kind of creepy. But this is Greg. I know him. He isn't creepy...
That's why I need to think about all this. I need to step back and take a look at Greg. At us. All the time we spent together. That will help me gain perspective but I can't do that standing here looking at him and listening to him.
"Go back to the office. I'm going to grab a coffee and take a walk. Clear my head. I will let you know about dinner before I leave for the day."
"Ok. Fair enough. I hope I am having dinner tonight with you. I will wait to hear from you."
Greg stands there for a minute looking at me before turning and walking back towards the office. I stand there watching him and wondering if I really know him. Other than watching me at the office before we officially met, he is a normal guy. I see him stop and turn to look back in my direction. He pauses just a minute, smiles, waves and turns the corner. My heart says fuck it. You like this man and he likes you! My head is saying tread slowly. Caution. What else is there that you don't know?
Time to take that walk and get my coffee. Coffee and a walk. God's gift to the confused. I head to the Starbucks by the park for my brain juice as I like to call it. A freshly brewed cup of coffee can clear my mind and let me focus on that simple pleasure. Combined with a walk in the park and I can resolve anything that is bothering me. Because nothing exists except for me, the park and nature.
Time to problem solve.
I'm about ready to leave for the day. I need to call Greg. I made up my mind about what I am going to do. I am rarely indecisive but this time I am uncertain. I know if I think about it more I will only become more uncertain. So I will stick with my decision. All else be damned. So why am I still looking at the phone? Why haven't I called him? OK! Fine! Stop being a pussy, I tell my self. Just pick up the fucking phone and get it over with.
The phone is ringing. He asnswers it before it rings a second time.
"Hi Tim."
Damn. That voice. Am I sure about this?
"Hi Greg."
I falter with my next words. Can I bring my self to really say it? Yes. I have to do it.
"What time is dinner?"
WTF!?!
I'm driving to the restaurant wondering what I am doing. Well I know WHAT i'm doing it is the WHY that has be concerned. Greg wants to go to his favorite steak place. LongHorn Steakhouse. Even though it is a weeknight it will be packed. It always is. So I wonder how long we will have to wait on a table. I guess that is probably a good thing. We can sit in the bar and I can have a drink. I think I will need one tonight. I rarely have an alcoholic beverage but I will make an exception tonight.
I pull into the parking lot and sure enough the place is full. I have to circle the lot a couple of times before I find a spot. As I am walking into the reastaurant I get a text from Greg Telling me to tell the hostess who I am when I get there. I text back asking if he was here already and he responds I will see you shortly.
Looks like I can get that drink while I wait for him.
When I give the hostess my name, she smiles and says "Follow me please."
As I follow her I see we are heading to a far back corner of the restaurant. I'm wondering how I'm getting a table before the 15 -20 people that were sitting out front when I arrived. I have my answer when I get to the table and see Greg. He stands up smiling at me and pulls out the chair next to him for me to sit in.
I sit and ask, "How long have you been here? The line is out the door waiting for a table. I called your office phone and spoke with you so it doesn't make sense."
"I got here about 5 minutes ago" he grins.
"I don't understand then how you already have a table. They don't take reservations."
He explains, "I know the manager. I called him after I walked back to the office. I told him I needed a quiet table as far in the back as possible."
"Pretty sure of yourself" I interrupt.
"No, not all. I wanted to have the right table in my favorite restaurant with my favorite guy. I was hoping you would call but I was anything but sure of it. My stomach has been in knots from the minute you said you needed to think."
I'm his favorite guy? Well that made me melt some. But I am wondering if that was heartfelt or strategic. STOP IT! That is unfair to him and to you. Now shut up and listen to the man.
"Then when you called I started to relax some but not totally. I guess that will happen by the end of the evening."
I decide to keep our conversation light for now and see how things flow.
"So how long have you known the manager of this place? You must be fairly good friends to get a good table with just a phone call."
"We've known each other for a while. I met him through an outreach program we both volunteered with. I just told him what I needed but not really sure that you would actually show up. He laughed and said 'What's her name'. I told him it wasn't like that at all. I was having dinner with a coworker and that I didn't know if 'HE' would be able to make it. He said no problem and that's how we have this table."
He sat there somewhat pleased evident by the smile on his face which started to slowly fade as he looked at me.
"Ok. I've done something again. I can see you're bothered by something I just said. What is it?"
I don't answer him right away. I look around the restaurant before I say anything. I hate to sound like a whiny bitch and I know that is how it's going to sound. Lord, please help me find the right words.
"I guess what bothers me is that I'm just a coworker that you are meeting for dinner." Damn that hurt. I thought I was more than that to him but to actually say it and hear it out loud 'coworker', it cut deep.
He doesn't seem to be fazed by what I said. In fact he says, "But you are my coworker."
Well fuck me. When I sat down I was his favorite guy and now I'm a coworker. So I ask him to explain all of that for me.
"You are many things to me. You are a friend, a therapist, a lunch companion, my favorite guy, just to name a few and you are also a coworker."
He sits looking at me as if it should be obvious to anyone and doesn't understand the problem. Maybe I am reading too much into it but it doesn't change the fact that it hurt. I decide to let that drop and move the conversation on.
"So how did your meeting go today?"
"Don't." he says and puts his hand on my arm.
"I can see you are still upset. I don't want to repeat what happened today at lunch. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was walk away from you today. It tore me up inside. I felt like I was walking away and I would never see you again. But you needed time to think and I understood that but I was dying inside. I held it together pretty good until I looked at you before turning the corner. It felt like goodbye. When I waved, I felt like I lost you. I don't ever want to feel that way again and I don't ever want you to feel like that. So please, talk to me. Tell me what is going on in your mind."
By the time he finishes, he is leaning into me. His hand is still on my arm. His eyes are locked onto mine. He is very intense. I look down at his hand and back to him wondering if he is even aware that he is holding onto me. He follows my gaze and looks back at me, squeezes my arm but doesn't let go.
Ok. Here goes.
"Greg, if you know me as well as you think you do, then what comes next won't be a surprise. I like you. You are the most amazing man I know. You make me smile and laugh and I have the best time when we are together. I look forward to our time whether that is at lunch, talking on the phone, you coming by my office...whatever it is. You are such an important part of my life. I thought that I was to you as well or at least I had hoped. Now if I am reading more into this than there is please tell me now. I have strong feelings for you but please tell me where you are with this...us."
There. I said it. Not all of it but a big chunk.
He looks down at his hand. He hasn't move it since he put it on my arm. He starts to speak softly.
"From the day I laid eyes on you, you had me. I can't explain why but I had to know you. I had to have you in my life. My day isn't complete without you being in it. I have to speak with you at a minimum if I can't see you. I don't know what this is between us and I don't care to define it with a label. It doesn't matter. I am me and you are you and we are us. I'm not gay. I am not interested in men. There was never a time when I looked at any man and had any sexual thought, feeling or desire. Women are what interests me. Always have."
So I am hearing this and wondering then what are we and where is this headed. I'm a man not a woman. So do you have sexual feelings and desires for me or no.
He looks me in the eyes and says, "Have you ever seen Tombstone?"
I wonder where he is going with this. "No, I haven't."
"Val Kilmer plays Doc Holliday. You remind me of him."
"Who? Doc Holliday?"
"No. Val Kilmer."
"You need glasses. Val Kilmer is hot."
"I see just fine. Any way, Val Kilmer has this line. He says, 'I'm your huckleberry'."
Greg just looks me dead in the eyes when he says that. I'm thinking 'ok, I don't get it'.
Still staring right into my eyes he softly says, "I'm your huckleberry".
I'm sure I'm missing something here but I don't know what. Then he smiles at me and squeezes my arm.
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This is my first attempt. Please be kind with any feedback. If you are interested in more from this storyline, let me know. I have more to tell about Greg and Tim. You can email me at luvsthickmen@yahoo.com