EDDIE
"Why are you whispering?" I groggily asks as I rub my eyes. It's Sunday. Why am I being woken up so damn early?
"I'm hiding in the bathroom," Jonathan whispers.
"Why are you hiding in your bathroom?" I say curtly. I'm not a morning person. I sit up in my bed.
"I'm not in my bathroom. I'm in Holly's bathroom," Jonathan replies.
"What are you doing in-" I begin to say, but quickly stop mid-sentence. Oh. My. God. "Did you two sleep together?!"
"Yes," Jonathan awkwardly admits.
I'm about to jump out of bed in excitement, but then I remind myself that this really isn't a big surprise. It was going to happen sooner or later. "It's about damn time!"
"Yeah, yeah. I know," Jonathan says. "What should I do now? Should I leave?"
"NO!" I scream. "That would make you a complete asshole."
Jonathan takes a big dramatic sigh, "Well what should I do? I need advice."
"Advice about what?" I shake my head. I don't understand heterosexuals sometimes.
"Not that," Jonathan groans. "Last night shouldn't have happened."
"What are you talking about?" I ask. I get out of bed, go into the kitchen and turn on the coffee. "This has been in the making for eighteen years."
"I know that, but it was way too soon," Jonathan says.
"Way too soon?" I ask. "You two have been flirting back and forth with one another since we were in Power Ranger t-shirts. This is long overdue."
"I didn't want our first time to be some impulsive, tearing off each other's clothes, intense fuck," Jonathan explains. "It was such a heat of the moment thing. We were just on top of one another and-"
I wince upon hearing his graphic description and quickly interrupt him, "Please stop talking about sex with my sister."
"I'm sorry, but you're my best friend. Who else am I supposed to talk to?" Jonathan asks desperately.
"Fine, but try to skip past the stuff that involves my sister naked in any way," I plead.
"It's just that I wanted our first time to be special...romantic," Jonathan says. I can't help but roll my eyes. It's weird, but of the three of us, he's the most romantic. He's more of a romantic than a girl and a gay guy. He's one of the reasons why I don't believe in stereotypes.
"You're so gay," I deadpan.
"Shut up!" Jonathan says. "I'm trying to be serious here."
"I'm sorry." I sit down on the sofa in the living room. "Speaking as Holly's little brother I'm happy that you want things to be special between the two of you and you don't want what happened to be a one night thing. However, speaking as your best friend I say that you should be happy that it finally happened between the two of you. Enjoy this moment. It's too late to do anything about it now."
I hear Jonathan take another dramatic sigh. "You're right."
"Just go back to Holly and talk with her. Tell her that you want to do this right," I suggest. I shuffle around in the kitchen waiting for my coffee to finish brewing.
"Okay," Jonathan sighs. "I will."
"Good. I'll see you and Holly later today," I remind him. "Work this out before I see you both. I don't want to sit through an awkward brunch." I hang up the phone and pour myself a cup of coffee. I sit at my kitchen table and look out the kitchen window that looks out to the city skyline. It's my favorite view in the apartment. When River lived here with me, the two of us would eat breakfast together and would sit in silence looking out the window. It was nice. Since we broke-up I often wonder what his new place looks like. I wonder if he has a view like this. I wonder if he's doing all right. Part of me wants to call him, but the other part of me wants space from him. I want to move on and I can't do that by keeping him in my life, right?
I shake my head, trying to rid myself of my thoughts of River and begin thinking about Dell. I smile to myself at the thought of Dell. The way his face lights up when he sees something beautiful, the way he appreciates everything he sees. He looks at everything like a piece of art. He'll find beauty in everything, even if it's something small and insignificant. I was able to learn all this about him in the course of one day. He's an open book. He's not afraid to talk about things. There's already a comfort level between us that usually doesn't develop until you know someone for a while. It's nice. As Humphrey Bogart said in Casablanca, "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."
JONATHAN
After I hang up with Eddie I look at myself in the mirror. I just slept with Holly. This is so weird. We went from best friends to lovers in one night. Eddie's right. I just have to talk honestly with Holly. I can do this! I've gone all over Europe by myself. I've rock climbed. I've skydived. Why should talking to Holly be so scary? Ugh! I hate having these types of talks. One time I had to had to break-up with a girl and I got so nervous that I fainted after telling her I wanted to break-up. Can you believe that? I fainted! It took years for me to live that one down. Eddie and Holly mocked me endlessly for years. I don't like having serious conversations with people! That's why I love my job at Top Auction House, all I have to do is set a value on items and watch them go off for a bidding war. I never have to hurt anyone's feelings because if an item doesn't get sold for a good price, it's not my fault, the buyers simply weren't interested. I don't have to have any uncomfortable conversations with them. In fact, the only time I've ever been brave enough to have a serious talk with someone was when I confronted River about letting Eddie go. And the only reason why I was able to do that was because I saw how hurt Eddie was by that relationship. It needed to end. Except Eddie can never know I talked to River, otherwise he'd be pissed and I'd be stuck having another uncomfortable conversation when I apologize to Eddie. I've been in the bathroom for a long time now. I look at myself casually in the mirror, making sure I look all right. Okay, truth is, I'm stalling. I really don't want to do this!
"Calm down Jon," I say quietly to myself. "Just go talk to her." I walk out of the bathroom and my eyes fall upon Holly. She's sleeping peacefully. The sunlight is hitting her face, giving her a glow, she's incredible. She suddenly stirs and her eyes slowly open. She sees me standing in the doorway of the bathroom. I'm only wearing my boxers. Immediately I feel self-consciously naked.
"What are you doing up?" Holly asks as she looks over at clock resting on her bedside table. "Come back to bed." She lifts up the comforter, inviting me back into bed with her. I hesitate for a moment, suddenly feeling shy. I finally build up the courage and step back into bed. Why am I so scared? It's Holly. I've known her forever. However, now she suddenly seems like a stranger. She's no longer my best friend, Holly. Now she's Holly, the woman I just slept with. We're stepping into uncharted territory. Holly rests her head on my chest and lightly runs her hand up and down my chest. My heart begins racing.
"What are you thinking about?" Holly asks curiously.
Oh, I'm thinking about how weird it is that we just slept together and that we might have ruined our entire friendship. I don't say this of course, I simply reply, "Nothing."
"Last night was incredible," Holly says kissing my on the cheek.
"Yeah," I answer quickly. I stare up at the ceiling, afraid to make eye contact with her. Can she feel how tense my body feels right now? I hope I don't faint. I feel my heartbeat speeding up.
"Do you think we should tell Eddie at brunch today?" she asks me. "He'll probably start laughing. He's been sensing this would happen for so long."
"Right," I force myself to let out a little chuckle. Talk to her! I keep screaming at myself in my head. Don't be such a wuss!
"You okay?" Holly asks. "You're so quiet."
"I'm amazing," I stupidly reply. JUST TALK TO HER! Why is this so hard? I want to tell her. I want to tell her my fears, my hopes, what I want for us, but all that comes out of my mouth is, "I should get going."
"What?" Holly sits up and looks at my in disbelief.
"I just remembered there's some stuff I have to do before brunch," I quickly get out of bed and scramble to put my clothes on. My body is on autopilot, I feel I have no control over my actions. What the fuck am I doing?! Stop! Talk to her!!!!!
"Are you kidding me?" Holly asks.
"I'm sorry. I'll see you at brunch," I give her a quick and very uncomfortably hug after I finish getting my clothes on and rush out of her apartment. I feel like a complete jackass. I stand outside of her front door and take a deep breath. Why did I just do that?
HOLLY
What a complete jackass! I'm sitting naked in my bed looking at the front door that Jonathan just walked out of. Is he fucking serious?! I look down and suddenly realize how completely naked I am. Instinctively I grab the sheets from my bed and cover my breasts. I've never felt so alone. Jonathan just walked out on me, my best friend. I don't get it. He came last night, he ran here to tell me not to go on another date with George. He cares about me, right? He wouldn't have done that if he didn't care. But then if he cared, he wouldn't have left in such a hurry as if I was a one-night stand. Then it suddenly occurs to me, oh my God... was I a one-night stand?
To make all of this worse, I have to see him later today for brunch. I always looked forward to our weekly brunches until now. Now I have to sit across from Jonathan, my best friend, the man who just ran out on me after having sex.
I instantly feel like one of those girls that I hate. You know the type. They're the girls who constantly ask their friends, Does he like me?' Why hasn't he called?' `Should I call him every ten minutes?' I feel sick to my stomach.
I'm humiliated.
RIVER
It's a beautiful day. I can feel the sun warm on my face. The birds are singing. The trees rustle in the light breeze. I look around and I am in a meadow. Everything is bright and colorful, more colorful than anything could possibly be in real life. How can this be? Why am I here? I look towards the trees but stop myself from walking towards them. I can't explain it, but I know that once I go into the woods, I will never come out and it will be dark and scary. I turn around in the opposite direction and it's beauty as far as the eye can see. There are no buildings, no houses, no pollution in the sky, just rolling hills of natural beauty. That's the direction I want to go. It's the direction I have to go, but I can't. I try to move forward, but something is stopping me. I feel a force pressing against me. The only way I can walk is towards the dark woods and I refuse to go in there. So I am stuck in the middle of the meadow.
Over the rolling hills I hear a distant voice calling out to me. I see no one. Maybe it was just the wind, but then I hear my name being called out again, "River!" I squint my eyes and I faintly see someone running towards me. The person is running up and down the hills quickly. As he gets closer I can finally make out who it is. It's Eddie! Eddie is running towards me. He looks so cute. He's wearing jeans and a bright blue shirt. He pauses and smiles happily when he sees me and waves enthusiastically.
"River!" Eddie calls out and begins to run again towards me.
"Eddie!" I try to run towards him, but I can't. Some invisible wall is still keeping me from him. He runs up and stops only three feet away from me. He looks so happy to see me. My heart melts seeing that look on his face again. "I've missed you so much."
"I missed you too. Come on. Let's go. We won't have to be apart again." Eddie is holding his hand out for me. I desperately try to reach out to him, but I can't.
"Something is keeping me from you." I gaze desperately at Eddie for help. "You come to me."
"I can't," Eddie says, his hand still stretched out for me. "I can only meet you halfway. The rest is up to you."
"I'm trying," I say desperately punching at the invisible barrier between us. My fists begin to bleed.
"Do this for me," Eddie pleads. He looks at me longingly. I want to be with him, but I can't. It's too strong. I can feel the bones in my hands crushing with every punch. It's impossible. I stop and fall to my knees. I look up at Eddie and he's beginning to fade away.
"Where are you going?" I demand. He doesn't respond. He just looks at me sadly and slowly fades away. I'm alone again. It's strange that among all this beauty I feel so scared and so sad.
I hazily wake up and I am in my bed staring up at the water stained ceiling of my studio apartment. It was just a dream. I look around and everything seems dull. The colors of the real world seem so muted compared to the world in my dream. A part of me wishes I could go back there, but then I remember Eddie disappearing. What good would that beautiful world be without Eddie in it?
I let out a deep sigh and roll out of bed. Nothing planned today, but I might as well get up. I hate the real world.
EDDIE
11:30 AM, I get to Geoffrey's (our usual restaurant for Sunday brunch), Jonathan is already waiting for me at the table. His shoulders are hunched over, he smiles when he sees me, but I can tell he's upset. Why is he alone? Shouldn't he be with Holly?
"Where's Holly?" I go up and give him a hug. "I assumed you two would have come together."
"Funny thing, it didn't work out that way," Jonathan answers. He looks out at the curving coastline the restaurant view has to offer. "Beautiful out today, huh?" He's trying to change the subject. He always does this when he doesn't want to talk about something uncomfortable.
I raise an eyebrow, "Did you fuck up?"
"I fucked it up." Jonathan nods. "I got cold feet and couldn't talk to her and I sort of ran out before she could say anything."
"What?!" I know he hates confrontation, but that's extreme even for him.
Jonathan takes a deep breath and adjusts himself in his chair. He leans forward, resting his arms on the table and looks earnestly at me. "I was looking at her and she suddenly felt so new to me. This wasn't just Holly, the girl I grew up with; this was someone completely new. I didn't know how to talk to her."
"So you just left?" I ask. I feel sympathy for him, but also a little pissed for my sister.
Jonathan nods and cups his face with his hands, "She looked so angry when I left and I don't blame her. But I think I'm ready to talk now. I've had time to build up my courage and it'll all be fine. You'll see."
"Well maybe she's over it. She's here," I say looking behind Jonathan's shoulder and approach our table.
"Hey Eddie." Holly gives me a kiss on my cheek. She then glances over at Jonathan. She gives a small nod, "Hi."
"Hey Holly," Jonathan smiles hopefully. "How are you?" She ignores him and sits down at the only other empty seat at the table. Once she's seated, our waiter comes up to us and takes our drink order. We all order Mimosas. Holly also orders the wild mushroom soup for an appetizer and I get the Moroccan shrimp. While we're ordering our drinks and appetizers, the tension between Holly and Jonathan is so think you can cut it with a knife. Holly darts him cold stares. This is going to be a very uncomfortable brunch. When Holly's mad, she is freaking scary. I remember one time when we were little I broke our mom's antique lamp and Holly got blamed. She didn't talk to me for over a week. I thought she was going to smother me with a pillow in my sleep.
"How you doing?" Jonathan asks her. I can tell he's desperately trying to get in her good graces.
Holly raises an eyebrow, "You've got to be kidding." She turns to me, "I know you two tell each other everything so I assume you know what happened."
I didn't know how to answer, so I choose my words carefully, "I know the...basics, not too much." I try to lighten the mood. "So I talked to Mom and Dad today."
"Why did you just leave?" Holly ignores me and implores Jonathan.
"I'm sorry," Jonathan says. "Can we go somewhere and talk about it?"
"Oh, now you want to talk about it?" Holly scoffs.
Jonathan leans towards her. Holly leans back in her chair. Distancing herself as much as possible at the table. "I'm so sorry, but I'm ready to talk now though."
"Too little, too late," Holly snaps, shaking her head.
"You know. Maybe brunch is a bad idea," I suggest as I begin to get up from my chair.
"What are you talking about? I don't have a problem," Holly says. "This is fine. Sit!"
I slowly sit down in my chair and look over at Jonathan who looks like he just got kicked in the groin. The three of us sit together silently. I look back and forth between Holly and Jonathan who are both desperately avoiding making eye contact with one another.
Our waiter comes to our table and gives us our drinks. He looks at the three of us and notices the awkward silence. "Are you three ready to order?" he asks.
"I think we need a little more time," I reply. Our waiter looks at the uncomfortable looks on our faces and gives me a sympathetic smile as he leaves. I wish someone would pull the fire alarm in the restaurant so we'd be forced to leave. After a few more silent minutes I decide to try and lighten the mood. I begin with a laugh, "So this really funny thing happened at work-"
I'm cut off by Jonathan who turns to Holly, "Why don't you want to talk now?"
"I guess my story can wait," I say more to myself considering the two of them aren't listening to me.
"I think my mood to talk ended when you walked out this morning and made me feel like a whore," Holly snapped. "Was I just a one-night stand?"
"Of course not," Jonathan replies. He looks to me for help. I shake my head, I'm not going to get involved in any way. I give him a shrug. Sorry buddy, you're on your own. Jonathan struggles, trying to find something to say. Holly rolls her eyes and gets up from the table.
"You know, I'm not feeling that hungry anymore. I'll call you later Eddie," Holly then walks off.
"What should I do?" Jonathan panics.
"Go talk to her!" I push him out of his chair.
Jonathan puts his coat on and gets up, "I'll talk to you later."
"Bye," I say as Jonathan rushes out.
Sitting alone at the table I usually would feel really self-conscious, but right now it feels okay. I never thought I would admit this, but I like being single right now. It feels good. However, the thought of Dell does intrigue me. Hmmm...
JONATHAN
"Holly wait!" I call out as I run towards her. She's about to get into her car, but reach her in the parking lot and stand in front of her door. "Don't leave it like this." I feel a surge of adrenaline. It's now or never. Fight or flight.
"No, you're the one who's leaving it like this," Holly retorts. "You humiliated me."
"I'm sorry," I say. I try to take her hand in mind, but she steps away from me. I look down in defeat, "Holly. I'm sorry. I panicked. I didn't know how to act this morning. I was stupid."
"Yeah, you were and now you've ruined everything. Do me a favor and leave me the hell alone," Holly snaps. She shoves me out of the way so she can get into her car. I want to stop her, but I know she wouldn't listen. Not now. I stand by helplessly as she drives away. I feel like shit. I realize that I may have just fucked everything up between us for good.
EDDIE
A little over a month has passed and Dell has quickly become one of my best friends. He gets along well with Jonathan and Holly. I wish we could all hang out together, but Holly and Jonathan haven't spoken to each other since they slept together. Everyday I hope that they'll reconcile, but I don't think it'll happen any time soon. For now, I have to juggle my time between hanging out with Jonathan and hanging out with Holly. Today fortunately, isn't a day I have to decide between them. Today, I am hanging out with Dell. We're at a baseball game together in Anaheim watching the Angels and afterwards we're going to grab dinner at Downtown Disney.
"How is it that two gay men are at a baseball game?" Dell asks as he takes a sip of his beer.
"We're proving that gay men don't have to be a cliché," I smile at him.
"This is the first baseball game I've ever been too," Dell takes a bite of his hot dog. "I feel so butch right now."
"Well if it'll make you feel better, I'll take you to Stars on Ice next time," I joke. After a few more minutes of banter, I change the subject. "So how are your latest art pieces going?"
"It's going well," Dell says. He pauses a moment before continuing, "I actually was hoping you would come over after this and check it out."
"Really?" I raise my eyebrows in surprise. "You haven't let me see any of the stuff you're working on. Why the change of heart?"
"Well, it's mostly complete now and you're the first person I want to see it," Dell answers.
"I'm intrigued." I tilt my head and give him a little smile. "I can't wait." We finish watching the game and even though Dell didn't want to admit it, I know he enjoyed it. "Didn't you have fun? Just admit that you got a little excited," I say to him on our drive back to his apartment.
"I got excited," Dell retorts. "But not because of the baseball game." He gives me a suggestive smile.
"You are relentless," I laugh and shake my head.
"I'm just kidding...kind of," Dell says as he merges onto the 5-freeway heading back towards Los Angeles. For the past month he's dropped little flirtatious comments at me and I have to admit, his charm is starting to wear me down, but I'm trying to resist them. I need to be single still...I think. I'm very by the rules in how I deal with things. Someone once told me that it takes half the time you went out with someone to get over them, so according to that rule, I should be single for at least...three years?! That can't be right. Let me think, River and I dated for six years. So if I have to be single for half the time we went out then...well, I'm no math wiz, but there's no mistaking it. I have to be single for three years. I can do that. Dell said he'd be here when I'm ready... But three years?
The truth is, I do like Dell. He's sweet, he's cute, he has drive and ambition, he's funny, he's artistic. He has a lot of traits that I was first attracted to in River. But I'm still comparing him to River. If I'm doing that, then I'm not over River, right?
Three years?!
We get back to his apartment complex and I always smile when I see it. It's a cute building, has a lot of charm. It's not like those new apartment complexes they build now which lack any character. It's an older building, it reminds me of the complex on the TV show, Melrose Place. It's very rare to see places like this in Los Angeles. Most of them have become high-rise buildings.
Walking up the stairs to his apartment on the third floor, we run into Dell's friend and neighbor, Ella. She always seems to have the gossip on every tenant in the complex.
"Hey guys," Ella, Dell's waitress/actress neighbor and friend, approaches us. She has on her waitress uniform, obviously heading to work. "You missed the drama."
"What drama?" Dell's eyes widen in excitement.
"Our neighbor below us had a big argument with the landlord a few minutes ago," Ella replies.
"Oh really?" Dell asks, "What happened?"
"Apparently he's falling behind on his rent," Ella answers. "He lost his job last month and hasn't had any luck finding another one."
"That's so sad." I don't know the guy she's talking about, but I instantly feel bad for him. Being a counselor, I've had some people stop by struggling with money right now and losing their jobs. It's tough economic times and it's affecting so many.
"Landlord told him that if he doesn't pay by this Friday then he's going to evict him," Ella says. "It's a shame too. He's a sweet guy."
"I've hardly even talked to him since he moved in," Dell says. "He always keeps to himself."
"I've hung out with him a few times," Ella replies. "Nice guy. He used to be some sort of accountant or financial advisor or something like that. You should hear him sing though. I finally got him to sing for me a few days ago. He's really good."
"I hope he can pull the rent together," Ella says. "It would be a shame if he had to leave. I don't know where he would go."
"Maybe we can pull some money together to help him out," Dell suggests.
"Great idea!" Ella enthuses. "Let's talk more about it when I get back from work tonight."
"Okay." Dell gives Ella a hug.
I smile at him, "That's sweet of you."
"Well, I know what it's like to struggle with money," Dell replies. "I would have liked it if someone gave me a helping hand." We make our way to the front door of his apartment. Before he opens the door, he turns to me. "Close your eyes."
"Why?" I ask.
"Just do it. Please?" Dell says. I comply and close my eyes. Dell takes my hands and leads me inside of his place.
"You're not going to suddenly tie me up and murder me are you?" I joke.
"I thought about it, but I think it would be a little too messy," Dell says. "So I'm going to do this instead. Open your eyes."
I open my eyes and my mouth drops when I see his living room. He has the artwork he's been working on all around me. "Oh my God," is all I can say as I look at the work he's created. There are nine pieces, and each one is a mix of photography and acrylic. The photographs are familiar to me because there's images he took on the day we first hung out together and I took him to the Santa Monica Pier and the Getty. He's mixed the media of photography in with his paintings, it's unlike anything I've ever seen. His work is amazing. Each painting is unique and different, yet at the same time they have a cohesive theme and present some uniformity together as a set.
"What do you think?" Dell asks.
It takes me a while to find the words. I finally am able to say, "These are incredible." He looks deeply at my face, trying to read my true reaction. I gently rub his arm, "I'm serious. These are unbelievable."
"You really like them?" Dell asks.
"Yes." I can't take my eyes off of them. He used vibrant colors mixed with dark blues to give the painting a hint of mood. I'm not an art expert. Truth be told, whenever I read reviews by art critics it feels like I'm reading another language. They talk about emotions that I never understood art can give, not until now at least. Seeing his work gives mixed emotions. There's a sense of romance, happiness, but there's also a hint of some hidden pain. I don't know if it's my emotions that the paintings bring out, or if it's Dell's emotions he had while working on them. Art is so complex. "So all of these are going to be in your next exhibit, right?"
"Yup. All ten of them," Dell nods his head.
"Ten of them? I only see nine," I reply.
Dell smiles softly, "There's one more. I'm sort of nervous to show you though."
"Why?"
"It's the most personal one of this collection," Dell answers. He goes behind his couch and reaches his hand down to pick something up. "Just promise me you won't laugh or anything."
"I won't," I promise. I think it's cute that even though Dell has become an established artist, he still gets nervous showing his work to people. Slowly he lifts up the painting and I feel my heart skip a beat when I see my face on the painting. It's a close-up photograph of me laughing, I can see a glimpse of the Santa Monica Pier behind me in the picture. The photo is on top of a canvas that has an explosion of color. It has the same vibrant colors of reds, yellows and oranges, but instead of the blue that is in his other paintings, this one has gold mixed in. It adds a heighten sense of romance to the painting.
"What do you think?" Dell finally says. I realize that Ive been silent the whole time. I have no words. I don't even know where to begin. He breaks the silence by explaining, "If you notice, you're in each of the photographs on the paintings." I look at the others again and notice that in each of them, there's a small glimpse of me. On the first painting you can see the back of my head on the bottom left corner looking out towards the ocean, on another there's my arm as it's holding onto the wooden beam of the pier, another has my legs walking on the boardwalk. Each one, there's a piece of me. Dell adds, "I'm calling this series of paintings, Hope.'"
I don't know what to say. I feel warm throughout my entire body. I find myself stepping towards him. It's a complete out-of-body experience. I feel total loss of control over myself and I find myself inches away from him. I can feel the warmth of his body as I get close to him. My hands gently press against his chest as I move them around his body. I lean my head towards his and can feel his breath against my lips.
Screw waiting three years!
Before I can do anything else, we're kissing. It's a soft kiss, his lips are moist and gentle. I feel the tip of his tongue slowly lick my lips. He lets out a soft sigh as we kiss. It's a perfect moment.
After a couple minutes of kissing, Dell pulls away and gently brushes my cheek with the back of his hand. "I thought you weren't ready for this."
"I thought so too," I reply. "I don't know what came over me." I take a step back, but Dell keeps his hand pressed firmly against my back so I stay close to him. "I probably shouldn't have done that."
"I'm not complaining about it," Dell offers. "I liked it. Didn't you?"
"I did," I reply. I quickly regain my composure and remember my rules. "That's the problem." I remove his hand from my back and take a couple steps away from him.
Dell looks at me, confused. "How is that a problem? If we both liked it then shouldn't we start kissing again?"
"It's not just that," I tell him. "I like you. I've liked you since we first met."
"And I've liked you all this time too." Dell walks towards me, but I keep a few steps away from him. I have to tell him what's on my mind, what I'm worried about.
"But I want this to go somewhere," I try explaining, but I realize that I'm probably confusing him even more. I explain further, "I don't want to rush into something with you so soon after my break-up with River. I have these rules and I need to stick my them."
Dell shakes his head and chuckles. "Rules?" He raises an eyebrow wondering if I'm joking or not.
"I don't want you to turn into some rebound," I further explain. "I want you to be more than that and to ensure that happens, I have these rules and I still need to stay single."
Dell steps close to me and gently places his hands on my face and looks at me tenderly. "Fuck the rules." We begin to kiss again.
Maybe he's right.
Fuck the rules.
HOLLY
I haven't spoken to Jonathan in a month and I can't decide if I'm happy or miserable. I was really angry for a couple weeks, but I've since calmed down. This past week my mind has been less on Jonathan and more on feeling better. Lately I haven't been feeling good. A co-worker of mine was sick so I think I caught it from her. I'm sitting in an examination room, waiting for the doctor to come back with some test results he took earlier to try and figure out if I have the flu or some other disease. God, I hope it's not the swine flu. I know it's not life threatening, but people freak out when they hear about it. I don't want my friends and co-workers thinking I have the plague because of it.
I always get nervous whenever I'm in a doctor's office. Even when it's a simple check-up, I get anxious. I think it's the smell, it's that overly sterilized smell of the doctor's office.
The doctor's taken a while running my tests. I thought this would be a quick in and out thing. Oh shit...what if something really is wrong with me?
Before I can stress even more, my doctor finally comes in. "Hello Holly," Dr. Andrews says coming back into the room and carrying a chart with her. She's beautiful, I almost hate her. I know it's catty, but she's beautiful, she's smart, she's a doctor. She has long black hair that is always perfectly pulled back into a chignon and has long slender legs. Her chestnut skin is always flawless and smooth. I secretly hope that she's hiding some cellulite on her legs. It would make me feel better about myself. She just got married recently too, yet another reason I want to hate her. Unfortunately, she's really nice. I hate when perfect people are nice.
I shake my head in an effort to get rid of my catty thoughts and focus on why I'm here. "So what do I have? Are you just going to give me some antibiotics?"
"No antibiotics," Dr. Andrews replies. "I will be seeing you more often though."
"Why?" I ask. I begin to panic, "Is it something bad?"
Dr. Andrews takes a seat next to me and looks at me calmly for a moment before saying, "Holly, you're pregnant." She gives me a warm smile as if to say `congratulations.' I feel my whole body freeze when she says this.
"Excuse me?" I ask. "I'm pregnant?" Now I have another reason to hate her. She gave me this news.
"It would appear so," Dr. Andrews replies. "I'll run some more tests and we can find out how far along you are and we'll go from there." I don't respond. I can't respond. I'm pregnant? This has to be a mistake. I haven't had sex since- Oh shit! I'm going to kill Jonathan! Dr. Andrews looks at me questionably, "Are you okay?"
"I don't know," I answer, not sure what else to say.
"Is this not good news?" Dr. Andrews asks. Again, I don't respond. Dr. Andrews senses my hesitation and suggests, "Why don't you take a few days to let this news fully absorb and we'll talk more later, sound good?"
"Uh...sure." I look at her, hoping she's going to crack a smile and tell me she's joking. I can't be pregnant. Ah shit. I hate Jonathan.
When I get to my car, I'm still in a state of shock. This feels unreal. I'm pregnant. I'm twenty-eight, single and pregnant. This is not the way things were supposed to go. I know it's cliché, but I pictured myself married before I started a family. I also wanted to wait until I was at least in my thirties to have kids. I'm staring out in front of me and look at the cars driving past me. I haven't left my parking space yet. I can't seem to even turn my car on. Everything seems so different now. I feel like I'm in a dream.
I remember when I was a little girl, I would play `house' with Eddie. He was the dad, I was the mom and I had a Cabbage Patch doll that was our baby. Eddie always enjoyed playing with my doll more than me. I should have realized he was gay back then. We always had so much fun. Now suddenly I have a real baby that's growing inside of me. This is insane.
I take out my cell phone and call Eddie.
"Hello?"
"Eddie, I need to talk to you now," I tell him. "Meet me at my place."
"What wrong? Are you okay? Is it Mom and Dad?"
"It's not about Mom and Dad," I answer. "Just meet me at my place. I'll be there in twenty minutes."
"I'm on my way." Eddie hangs up. I take a couple deep breaths before I start my car and drive out of the parking lot.
EDDIE
A minute ago I was so happy. I was kissing Dell and it all felt completely right. In just one phone call, my whole mood changes. Now I'm worried, really worried. Holly sounded strange. I regain focus and see that Dell is looking at my curiously. "Everything okay?"
I shake my head and start to put my jacket on. "I don't know. My sister needs to talk to me, but she wouldn't explain. I'm sorry. I have to go."
"I understand," Dell replies walking me to the door. "If you need anything, call me."
"Thanks." I give him a hug. "I'll call you later." I rush out of his place and make my way down the stairs. My mind is so distracted thinking of possible reasons why Holly needs to talk to me that I run into someone at the bottom of the staircase on the second floor, knocking the two of us over.
"I am so sorry!" I scramble to my feet and extend my hand to help the fallen man up.
He's lying face down on the ground, All I can see of him is a thick coat of dark hair. He begins to roll over and grunts, "God dammit!" I take his arm and begin to help him stand up.
"Again, I'm so sorry," I say. When he stands up and faces me, my heart drops. I feel like the blood has been completely drained from my body. How did this happen? Of all the places to run into him it has to be here. "River."
"Eddie?!" River meekly says.
To Be Continued...
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