Here's the second installment of "Going Gay." I can't anticipate how many there will be, but until the story dries up, I'll keep posting them here.
Thank for the emails of support and encouragement. I wondered whether anyone would even want to read my efforts, and I'm glad to see that someone does!
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And now, here we go, with a brief recap to begin with.
[I was speechless for what seemed like minutes. Then I spoke, shakily, "Well, it's nice to meet all of you, but I'd better be going. This isn't really my cup of tea."]
"Now hold on just a fuckin' minute there, Timmy," Martin began. "You may be shy, or, hell, you may still be in the goddamn closet, but we've all been watching you since you got here. There's not a hot guy in this joint that you haven't undressed with your eyes every time he comes into view. You may not know it, but your reaction is just like ours was, the first time we entertained young studs like these. But you'll get over it damn fast, or I don't know shit." With that, all the others laughed loudly.
"But, I'm a married man - or at least I was."
"That's never been an impediment, old bean," Westermere said with a sly grin. "All of us are either married or divorced just now, but that's another world from here."
For the first time, it dawned on me that he was right. I had been looking longingly at all the half-naked young men showing off their golden tans and tight Speedos around the pool. I even had half an erection several times, forcing me to cover my crotch with a book or towel.
"But..." I began.
"But nothing," Alexander broke in. "You're here to have a good time, damn it! The wife is away... or out of the picture?"
"Deceased." I interjected.
"My condolences, but it's apparently been a while for you, because here you are, cavorting around the place, lusting after every hot boy you see. So why not go for it? Take a chance. If you can't find something to interest you in this little stable of stallions," he gestured at the four gorgeous hunks seated with us, "then I know a dozen or more who might do the trick for you - or turn a trick for you!" With that, they all nearly fell out of their seats belly-laughing.
"I don't know what to say."
Martin had mercy on me. "Look. it's plain to see you're new to this scene. And we don't want to pressure you into anything. It's just we have been keeping a watchful eye over you!"
"Why?"
"Because there's a certain element around here that is just out to find a a rich sugar daddy to hook up with and drain his bank account, and we think you'd be a lot happier, a lot more satisfied, and a lot safer if you hang out with us. The quality and caliber of our companions is much to be desired over the alternative."
I fell silent. I looked at each of the older men, then into the faces of the eager young studs. Beau, who was seated next to me, gently put his hand on my knee.
"You don't ever have to do anything you don't want to do," he said, gazing deeply into my eyes with his own perfect blue ones. "Nobody's trying to force you. We just thought you might enjoy a little diversion."
I thought again for a while, then said hesitantly, "so what does all this cost?"
There was a stunned silence.
Then Windermere spoke, harshly, "We never discuss money amongst ourselves. But for your information, there is no cost. All of us enjoy our sex lives and often share the experience, but there's never a word said about remuneration. These fine young men are not fucking prostitutes. They graciously accept our generosity from time to time, and we show our appreciation in many ways, but there is no tit-for-tat, as it were."
"Shit. I'm sorry. This is just so new to me. I really don't know what to say."
There was a general sigh of relief among them all. Then Allie said, "Well, then, let's just get on with enjoying a delightful evening. And if it leads any of us to share a private moment together, then so be it, but it may or may not happen. 'Que sera sera' as they say!"
With that, we all ordered drinks and began a three-hour bullshit session that wandered from politics to religion to the economy to the history of pornography. I found myself equally at home discussing price-earning ratios and cock sizes. It was so natural and relaxing that I suddenly looked up at the others with what I'm sure was an expression of shock.
"What is it?" Beau asked with concern, putting his hand on my shoulder.
"Oh! I just realized that for the first time in almost two years, I feel completely comfortable and at ease."
"I don't mean to pry, but how did your wife pass?" Martin asked quietly.
"Breast cancer, the aggressive kind."
"Deeply sorry to hear that." They all fell silent. I immediately regretted throwing a wet blanket on what had been a jolly conversation.
"Look, guys, I'm sorry. Like I said, this is all new to me, and I am still figuring out how the hell to deal with all that has happened, and who the fuck I am now."
"Perfectly understandable," Martin began. "And we don't want to muck with that in any way. You know, Tim, we see something in you that we see in ourselves, and we only hoped to help you engage with it. If things are moving too fast, or if, as you say, this is not your cup of tea - right now or ever - we understand completely. I am sure we all agree that we have had a fine time meeting you and sharing the evening with you. And there need be no more to it than that."
Now I felt like a complete asshole. "I'm really sorry. Can we rewind the last ten minutes? I am having a good time, and like I said, I feel better right now than I have in years. Please excuse my prudishness. And - confession time - I think I've always known I would enjoy the company of a younger man. I just never considered it an option while I was married and everything."
They all looked straight at me. Then Beau extended his arm around my shoulders and lightly kissed my ear. I turned to face him and, surprising myself, leaned in and kissed him right on the lips.
Everyone let out a deep breath. Apparently, a Rubicon had been crossed, and I was now on the same side of it as the rest of them.
With that, Windermere stood up, and, taking Ty's hand, said, "Well, that's quite enough emotion for me for one night. Welcome aboard, Hobson. May you enjoy the rest of the evening in the delightful company of this young Adonis," he said, nodding toward Beau. "We shall retire now, I think. I have a few loose ends to tie up." And the two of them headed for the elevator to the roar of laughter from the group.
"Did he actually say 'tie up'?" I said, looking at Beau with wonder.
"You bet your ass!"
Martin and Alexander also got to their feet, and Jonny and Jimmy with them. "I think the four of us have some champagne chilling in my suite," Martin said slyly, winking at me. "I do hope you and Beau won't miss us too much."
As the foursome left, I suddenly felt as foolish as a school-boy on his first date. I turned to Beau and admitted, "I'm not sure what to do or say."
"That's fine with me. I usually let the others do all the talking anyway. I don't have the kind of experience that they do."
"What do you mean?"
"Hell, I'm just a farm boy from Iowa. I don't know shit from Shinola in this town."
"How did you get here, if you don't mind my asking?"
"Pretty typical. After high school I went to community college. I soon learned that it had been a total fucking waste of time and money. There weren't any jobs in my town for someone with my kind of education, so I bummed around a while, doing odd jobs - waiter, Uber(R) driver, construction.
"Then one day a dude I knew showed me a business card. It was from a guy who was hiring dancers for a 'gentlemens club.' As soon as I walked in, I could tell it was a gay club, and I was scared shitless, but I auditioned anyway and got the job. I guess I was good at stripping, 'cause I made a shitload of money.
"At first, I only stripped on the stage. Then customers started asking for a 'private show,' and before I knew it, I was letting them blow me and pretty soon I got into fucking them."
We sat silently for a moment, while I tried to take it all in.
Beau continued, "After about a year, one of my buddies at the club told me we could make a lot more money in porn, and he said he was about to leave for L.A. to see what he could get. I went with him, and that also turned out to be a good move."
As he paused for breath, I considered all he had said. "do you feel like you were taken advantage of?"
"Hell, no. Everything I did, I did because I wanted to. Nobody forced me to do a goddamn thing, and I could've kept on like I was, working shit jobs here and there. But the money was good, and I also found out that I liked doing it."
"So you like having sex with men?"
"Getting personal, are we?" He raised an eyebrow as he looked at me.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry," I said, hanging my head and blushing a bit.
He laughed, "I'm just jerking your chain, Tim. I've been 'addicted' to sex ever since I was fourteen, when I learned how to jack off. I fucked lots of girls through high school and college and while I was working around. It was fun and easy, but it was just physical. I never connected with any of them or 'fell in love'."
He took a sip of his beer and continued, "The first time I fucked a guy, it was a whole new world. And the first time I let a man fuck me, I knew I was right where I oughta be. In fact, I'm told I'm pretty good at it - bottoming, I mean - you oughta check out some of my videos when you get a chance. You can decide for yourself whether I'm enjoying myself or not."
We sat in silence as I tried to take it all in. Then Beau looked at me with his amazing blue eyes. "What about you?"
I hesitated, wondering how to answer him.
"I guess I'm still at the point where I'm trying to discover who and what I am, now that my whole life has changed. I'm afraid I don't have any answers for you."
"Well, who the fuck says you have to?" He grinned at me. "So, are we going to visit your room, or do I have to go back to mine and beat off three or four times?"
"That many?" I asked with a twinkle in my eye.
"That's how sexy you are," he said, and I thought he was at least being kind, if not completely honest.
We stood and made our way to the elevator. The bar was nearly empty. I realized that it had been full of older and younger men an hour ago, but apparently they all had some place they'd rather be by now.
As the elevator doors closed silently, Beau turned to face me. "If this makes you uncomfortable, I can get off at my floor, and you can have a quiet night..."
"And jack off three or four times... or maybe once, if I'm lucky?"
After we both had a good laugh, I went on, "I'm surprised to say it, but I'm not uncomfortable in the least."
We rode in silence for moment. Then Beau turned toward me again, pulled me into his arms, and kissed me on the mouth. His tongue gently prized my lips open and began to explore inside. My initial reaction was to stiffen, but his loving touch quickly put me at ease and I hugged him tightly and returned the kiss.
We were in that position when the elevator doors opened. I thanked my lucky stars that there was no one on the landing waiting for the elevator, and I quickly took Beau's hand and led him to my door. The key went in, the door opened, closed, and we were back in a loving embrace, all in under 60 seconds.
As our tongues and lips battled each other, our hands wandered everywhere. I ran my fingers through his golden blond hair, toyed with his ears, slid my hands down his back, then up to his armpits.
Beau responded with a passionate touch. Clearly, I was experiencing this for the first time in my life, while he was intimately familiar with the process. He reached under my shirt and lightly pinched my nipples. I was electrified by this new senstation. Then he ran his hands down my back and kept going, below my belt, inside my slacks. He gently squeezed my ass cheeks and pulled my crotch into his. I suddenly realized that we were both hard.
It felt awkward at first, hugging and kissing another man. But it also felt exciting and, in a way, just what I needed. Beau didn't rush things. Our embrace went from passionate to gentle, to exploring, to loving, and back again and again.
Finally, we leaned apart a little and took a deep breath.
"You sure you've never done this before?" Beau asked with a sly grin.
"I wish I had, but no." I thought a moment. "Well, of course with my wife and a few other women before I was married, but never with a..." I paused, searching for the word.
"A man?" "A boy?" "A hustler?"
"No, no, of course not a hustler, if that means what I think it does. I'm just so new to this, I don't know what words to use."
"Well, we both have cocks and balls, and I assume hair on them, so wouldn't that make us both men?"
"Men with 50 years' difference in age."
"Oh, now, you're not going to get 'ageist' on me, are you, Tim?" Beau said this with a sly smile.
"I hope not, but you're going to have to guide me, and especially correct me whenever I say something stupid or insulting."
"Not to worry. I have a thick skin - including on the end of my cock." We both burst out laughing and resumed kissing eagerly.
In my heart of hearts, I prayed that this evening would turn into something much better and longer-lasting.