"Spend more time together," Coach Tanaka had said, although he probably hadn't meant like this.
The only reason Puck isn't yelling "Hell no!" and walking out is because he's sick of being slushied and if his team tries throwing him in the dumpster he'll end up in jail for putting a fist through their faces. Plus, he isn't going to be the first one to pussy out. Besides, if it got too awkward, he'd have an excuse to smash Erickson into a locker later which will make him feel better about every fucking thing that's going on right now.
The irony doesn't escape him though. It makes him smirk, thinking about how most of these dudes were bashing on them for joining Homo Explosion, yet they'd all jumped a little too eagerly at the idea of a circle jerk.
"My cousin told me about it," Erickson explains. "They do it at his college all the time. They say there's no bigger trust than letting another dude handle your junk."
Puck thinks it all sounds very, very gay and very, very repressed but everyone's gathered around in the locker room nodding like it makes sense, and it's actually kind of brave of Erickson to suggest it. No one's protesting, and no one's backing out so it looks like operation circle jerk is a go. Puck lifts up his chin and sucks it up. He won't be the first to back away.
No one's meeting each other's eyes, which is probably how it should be and if anyone looks at Puck for too long he's going to make their lives hell. Puck glances around the room though, trying to judge everyone's reactions, trying to figure out who's going to freak out first. But everyone looks as stubborn as Puck knows he must. Except for Kurt, whose eyes are darting around. He has his arms crossed over his chest and he looks uncomfortable.
"I don't think this is a good idea," Kurt speaks up finally and Puck's eyebrows shoot up in shock. He'd expected Kurt to be shivering in anticipation.
"I thought you'd jump at the chance to grab someone's dick," Johnson challenges, then turns to Kowalski next to him and mutters "Fag," which has got to be the most hypocritical thing anyone's said in the locker room ever (mostly because none of these mouth breathing Neanderthals – Puck can't stop calling them that in his head now, ever since he heard Rachel call them that right before he'd chucked a slushie in her face months ago- have any idea what hypocritical means).
Kurt looks like he's going to protest again, but instead he sighs dramatically and shrugs. "If you insist on our participation in this bizarrely homoerotic and somewhat immature ritual, then fine. I'm sure Ms Pillsbury has appropriate pamphlets for you all to read to help you explain the repressed feelings you're having."
Most of the team stare at Kurt blankly, so he sighs and goes back to his facial care routine.
Finn's face is hidden by his locker door and he hasn't said a word so Puck tightens his towel around his waist and walks towards him. He passes by Johnson and Kowalski as he does and body checks Johnson into the lockers.
"Oops, sorry douche," Puck says, holding up his hands as if to say whatcha gonna do?'. "I mean, dude'."
Johnson glares at him but doesn't say anything. Puck catches Kurt shooting him a grateful look which is nice and all, but he hopes it doesn't mean Kurt will try and sit next to him later. Puck might feel some sort of weird protectiveness over the kid because they're both in Glee now, but it doesn't mean he wants Kurt touching his dick, or vice versa. That's just too gay.
"Hey man," Puck leans against the locker beside Finn's. Behind him someone's asking about how this is going to work, which Puck thinks is really fucking stupid because the instructions are pretty much all in the title.
"Hey," Finn grunts, then sighs. "I can't do this."
Puck pulls a face. "Fuck, you think I want some other dude tickling my balls? I get enough of that when I want it. From girls," he adds quickly because that did not come out the way he intended and he doesn't want there to be any doubt how much of a stud he is- with girls. "But it's the team...if we back out now we're signing our death warrant even more than joining Glee's already done."
"I know," Finn says, because they're both very aware of peer pressure and Puck knows Finn does not want to get slushied again, or worse. "But I...I actually can't."
"Fuck, just close your eyes and think of something else. Think of a hot girl. Think of Quinn."
Puck's pretty sure that's who he's going to be thinking about, although Finn doesn't need to know that. Or maybe Quinn and Rachel because seriously, the though of Rachel going down on Quinn is his usual go-to fantasy on his bedtime jerks..
"That's the problem," Finn whispers, his voice a low hiss.
Behind them Erickson is saying, "No, fucking idiot, you keep your eyes closed!" as if whatever Campbell just asked is the gayest thing ever which, yeah, still totally ironic.
Puck frowns at Finn until he sighs and leans in and says, "If you tell anyone this I will hurt you," which almost makes Puck laugh because he could take Finn down here and now if he had to. Which is admittedly a weird thing to think about considering what's about to go down.
Puck shifts uncomfortably and tightens his towel again.
And then Finn says, "I have a...problem."
Puck glances down towards Finn's crotch and steps back quickly. "Gross," he spits out in disgust. "What is it, like, herpes? Have you been to see the nurse?"
Finn shakes his head and steps back into Puck's space again so he can explain quietly. "What? No! It's...I always finish the game a little early. Uh. If you know what I mean."
Puck stares at him for a long moment, trying to figure out what Finn's saying, and then he can't hide the amused smile that spreads across his face, so he presses his fist to his mouth.
"Oh, right," he says, unable to hide the humour in his tone, and Finn narrows his eyes. "How early are we talking? Before the final whistle? First quarter? Or about to run onto the pitch?"
"Fuck you," Finn tells him with feeling, which pretty much answers Puck's question. "I can't help it! But I don't think it'll matter that these are dudes who I really don't want to touch me. The minute one of them does, I'm going to blow my load straight away and they'll never let me live it down."
Puck wants to laugh, because he knows he'd never let Finn live it down. His brain is busy thinking up what he can call Finn in public that will drive Finn insane but won't obviously let people understand what he means, when he feels a strange sensation. It feels like how he's heard people describe guilt and huh, new sensation. Who knew?
He thinks about how he's been a pretty shit friend to Finn. They've been buds for years and Puck would never admit it but he's grateful for that because everyone else thinks (and says) Puck is nothing but a thug and an idiot, but Finn doesn't seem to think so or at least he doesn't say it to Puck's face, which is better than the rest of the population of Lima. One bout of insane jealousy and too many wine coolers later and Puck's become probably the worst friend ever. Sure, Finn's never going to find out, because Quinn is dead set on her stupid fantasy of denying that Puck's the father and living happily ever after with Finn, but it doesn't mean Puck doesn't feel bad about the whole thing.
He hadn't thought it would be this much guilt though. But it's enough to make him say, without letting himself think about it too much, "Fuck it, sit next to me in this fucking gay-off."
It makes Finn frown at him in confusion.
"What?"
"Look," Puck says quickly, because he can hear the discussion behind him drawing to a close and they're about 5 minutes from whipping their junk out and jerking each other off which, yeah, he still can't see how that's less gay than joining Glee club but whatever. "I'll pretend to jerk you off."
"Why?" Finn asks, looking a little weirded out, as if Puck actually wants to get in his pants or something. Puck makes an impatient noise because, seriously? Is he really questioning this get out of jail free card Puck's offering him?
"Because you're my friend," Puck says a little too earnestly and suddenly he feels like the gayest thing in the room, and that's saying something. "I mean, our popularity is linked. If you go down, we all go down. I'll take one for the team. With the team. Whatever. No one's gonna know. Just...remember this okay?"
"You want me to remember the team jerking each other off?" Finn looks grossed out, and Puck can't blame him.
"No, dumbass." Puck sometimes wonders if Finn is as stupid as he acts sometimes. "Remember I did you this favour."
Finn nods and punches Puck in the shoulder a little hesitantly and says, "Thanks man," and they walk over to where everyone is already arranging themselves in a circle. Puck's still surprised no one's backed out yet and called an end to this, but either everyone is being incredibly stubborn, or they secretly want this. He hopes he doesn't end up sitting next to one of the latter.
"To your right," Erickson announces, and so Puck keeps to the left of Finn as they move to fill the gap in the circle. Finn hesitates, then sits down next to Ellis who isn't as much of a douche as the rest of the team and is a freshman so at least they never have to see him outside of football practice, reducing that awkwardness.
Puck goes to sit next to Finn but Kurt is there suddenly, slipping down onto the floor. Finn's horrified face almost makes Puck burst out laughing and back off just to be able to enjoy the entertainment, but Kurt actually looks offended and there's no way to tell the kid that it's (probably) not the gay thing that's making Finn look so freaked out.
"Move," Puck says and pushes Kurt to the side to sit next to Finn. It earns him a grateful smile from Finn, who then turns back to shooting anxious looks at Ellis, and his own sudden realisation that it means he'd going to have Kurt's hand on his junk.
Puck glances at Kurt who's giving him a speculative look, as if he thinks Puck had planned this. As if he actually wanted Kurt to be beside him.
"Hell no," Puck mutters, and Kurt's expression turns haughty.
"In your closeted dreams," he says, doing that thing where he looks down his nose at Puck even though he's about 3 feet tall and weedy.
Kurt looks like he's about to stand up and move somewhere else when Erickson announces, "Everyone reach to your right, and keep your eyes shut."
Kurt gives Puck a disgusted look, now that they're stuck next to each other, so Puck makes a face back.
"Don't try anything weird," he warns, then loosens his towel because he's still not going to be the one to pussy out of this unless everyone else does. Plus a handjob is still a handjob and he figures Kurt's hand is probably girly enough that it'll at least be easier to imagine it's a girl.
"Dude," Finn nudges him in the side, and Puck looks up to see Erickson watching them. He wants to ask just how far in the closet Erickson is, to suggest the game and then watch his teammates do it, so he sneers across the room and reaches for Finn's lap.
Finn's towel is still tightly shut and Puck thinks that he could have at least made this job easy for him, but he undoes it gingerly and slips his hand inside, careful not to actually touch anything and to keep the towel covering up the fact he's not doing anything.
He feels Kurt's fingers brush against his dick and Puck's proud of the fact that he isn't instantly hard. Kurt's hand feels slick and greasy as it slides against him, and Puck isn't the least surprised to smell the jasmine and lotus scent of the moisturiser Kurt's always chattering about after practice because it's supposed to make your skin glow or some shit like that. He's surprised to find he actually knows the words jasmine and lotus and vows to make the effort to ignore anything girly Kurt says, ever again. He's grateful for the moisturiser though, since a dry handjob isn't exactly his favourite thing in the world and he'd rather have a dick that smelled of flowers than one that smelled like dried other-dude spit which is what most of the room are probably going to have.
Puck takes the time from telling his dick not to get too excited, just yet, to crack open an eye. Erickson is still watching them, which makes him a dirty fucking perve, and Puck's pretty sure that he's going to call them out on the fact that Puck's hand is just resting there, on Finn's bare leg which is kind of weird enough as it is, so he starts moving his hand up and down. It's nowhere near Finn's dick and he's just kind of jacking off thin air but he sees Erickson's eyes fall shut.
He keeps his hand moving just in case, and risks a glance at Finn. He can see Finn's hand on Ellis' dick which is not something he ever, ever wanted to see and he's probably going to have nightmares now. Ellis seems to be enjoying it though, and when Puck looks at Finn's face, the concentration almost makes him laugh.
Kurt's fingers slide down to cup Puck's balls. It's unexpected enough that Puck starts a little, and his own hand drops down and brushes the head of Finn's dick.
Finn tenses and mutters something that sounds like "mailman" under his breath which is pretty fucking weird and he probably misheard, but Puck has more important things to worry about. He has what he's pretty sure is Finn's pre-come on the palm of his hand and Kurt is still touching his balls which is too weird so he grabs Kurt's wrist and squeezes, just a little.
Kurt seems to get the message and wraps his hand around Puck's dick instead, which is still weird but a definite improvement. His fingernails are the same length as Santana's so when he feels an accidental scrape lightly along his length, he doesn't feel bad about the shuddery breath he lets out.
It makes his body twitch when Kurt repeats the action and his hand glances across the head of Finn's dick again. Puck's still got his eyes slightly open, but when he sees Finn bite his lip, like he likes it or something, he turns away and clamps his eyes tightly shut.
He accidentally sees some of the other guys faces before he gets his eyes closed, and it's pretty gross. Puck hopes he doesn't look that fucking stupid. At least Finn hadn't had a red, scrunched up face, but Puck really doesn't want to think about what Finn looks like when he's excited. It's bad enough Finn's dick is right there, hard and barely an inch from his hand. He'd muttered "mailman" for the second time when Puck had accidentally touched him and Puck kind of wants to know what that's all about and if he's hearing things wrong.
Kurt's surprisingly good at handjobs, but Puck figures he probably spends a lot of time alone in his room, creaming over a picture of Finn, using tears he's wept because he'll never have him as lube, so it's maybe not that surprising after all. His grip is just right though, and it's enjoyable enough that Puck can slowly get off, but not distracting enough to keep him from curiously brushing his fingers against Finn again, in case what he mutters is something Puck can tease him about for years to come. It's definitely "mailman," he says under his breath and Puck's going to have to ask about it later because it's too fucking weird to resist.
Finn's hand is on his thigh suddenly, squeezing painfully hard in warning. Puck would pull his hand free of Finn's towel and punch him in the gut to remind him that Puck's doing him a massive favour and that if he wants to torture Finn a little, Finn can't really complain. But when Finn squeezes his thigh, Puck's dick jerks in response.
He hears Kurt's soft, "Huh," from beside him but it's got nothing to do with what Kurt's doing and he'd better not think otherwise. It's Finn's fucking fault and Puck feels incredibly weirded out for a moment until he thinks `Fuck you, Hudson' and slowly and pointedly wraps his fingers around Finn's dick.
He hears the sharp intake of breath, which is at least a distraction from the gross panting and soft noises coming from other parts of the room. It makes Puck smile because if Finn wants to be a dick, he's going to fail because Puck is the biggest asshole he knows and fuck guilt, fuck the favour, if Finn wants to battle, it's on.
Finn's hand is still on Puck's thigh and it squeezes again in retaliation. It makes Puck thrust his hips, just a little, into Kurt's fist which tightens around him. Puck swallows his gasp. He's supposed to be imagining Kurt is a girl, but he can't. He's too aware that he's in a room full of dudes with a guy's hand wrapped around his dick, and his own hand wrapped around his best friend's and he'll be pissed about that later but right now there is no way he's going to come before Finn does.
Puck grimaces and squeezes Finn's dick tightly, feeling a smug satisfaction from the soft groan it pulls from Finn's throat. He moves his hand, and it's too dry. It can't feel that good, but Finn groans again, like he's enjoying it or something.
His grip on Puck's thigh- his totally naked thigh, way too close to where Kurt's hand is steadily moving around him- shifts and then tightens again and Puck almost swears out loud, but he clamps his jaw resolutely shut.
Puck lets Finn's dick go, and smirks when he hears Finn's sigh of relief. But it only lasts a moment as Puck rubs his hand over the head, picking up as much of the pre come as he can before sliding his hand back down Finn's length. It's not much, but it's better than just the moisture from Puck's unusually sweaty palms, and Finn makes a sound that could almost be mistaken for a pleased noise.
Having another guy's hand on his dick isn't as weird as Puck thought it would be. Even though he's given up all attempts to pretend Kurt's hand belongs to Santana or Quinn or Rachel or any other fucking girl in the school, it doesn't actually feel any different, so it's easy to go with. What surprises him is that it's not totally weird having his hand on Finn's dick. Like, sure, it's not a situation he expected to find himself in when they'd been showering post practice half an hour ago. But it's not as fucked up and freaky as it probably should be. The whole hand on someone else's dick thing is kind of like when you give yourself a dead arm so you can jerk off and pretend someone else is doing it, just the other way around. And the fact that it's Finn, well, isn't as weird as a total stranger. They've known each other for years. Fuck, they've watched porn together, so it's not like Puck hasn't heard the soft moans Finn's making now before.
Puck's actually pretty proud of himself for rationalising so well but any thoughts are wiped out the moment when Finn digs his nails into Puck's thigh. Finn doesn't even have any fucking nails, but they're digging into Puck's skin anyway and it reminds him of every time he's fucked a girl hard and she's dug her nails into his arms or back or ass and pulled him in even closer. Puck's pretty sure he's told Finn this in the past, about how much he likes it, and sure, if Finn wants to play dirty like this, that's fine with Puck.
He jerks Finn off faster, twisting his wrist at the end in a way that makes Finn's nails dig into his thigh more and it's a race now. Puck keeps up the pace, tightens his grasp and Finn drags his nails lightly across Puck's skin over and over, not hard enough to cause actual pain but enough to make Puck's breath hitch in his throat. Kurt is still jacking at him smoothly, and Puck knows he doesn't have long before he comes.
He can already hear other guys in the room coming, or getting close, and it's the grossest sound he's heard since that time he downloaded that gay orgy porno completely by accident and watched the whole thing because he couldn't look away. Puck just hopes none of them are breaking the rules and opening their eyes like he'd done, because if they do they'll see that Puck's towel has completely fallen open and Finn's hand is on his thigh.
Kurt's hand stutters and goes still, and there's a mewling, gasping sort of noise to his left that's pretty fucking weird but Puck assumes it's just Kurt coming. It makes Puck bizarrely proud of Finn for a moment because if Finn has an early arrival problem and he's outlasted, from the sounds going on in the room, at least half the other guys, that's pretty awesome. And then Puck squashes the misplaced pride because, seriously, what the fuck is going on in his head, and doubles his efforts to make Finn come before him.
He thinks Kurt will probably stop jerking him off now that he's come himself, but he hears a few deep breaths and then Kurt's hand starts moving again. At least he knows Kurt's keeping his eyes shut, because there's no way Kurt would notice Finn's hand on Puck's thigh and not make a big deal about it.
Finn's thumb is moving on his thigh now, hand sliding up towards Puck's hip. It's almost caressing and that's really fucking weird but then it dips into the crease between leg and body. Puck bites his lip against the sensation and shudders, thinking, `well played, my friend' because Puck is so incredibly close, but he just can't let himself come. He's not into the tantric sex bullshit where you don't come for hours; he's young enough that he can come and be ready to go again a few minutes later so why bother? Fuck quality over quantity, who wants to have one long drawn out orgasm when you can have seven? But right now he's not going to let himself come, no matter what. He doesn't care anymore if the rest of the team are watching, because he is not going to let Finn beat him at this. He's going to win.
He takes a leaf from Finn's playbook and lightly drags his fingernails along the underside of Finn's dick, and smirks smugly when he hears Finn's answering groan. He does it again, and again, and then, finally, Finn comes. It's a strange sensation, having another dude creaming all over your hand, but Puck doesn't have much time to think about it because Finn comes with a soft moan that ends in "uck".
Puck knows that he's said `fuck' but it's too close to his own name and for a moment Puck's convinced Finn had called his name as he came. It makes something clench, low and tight, inside Puck and he comes hard.
"Fuck, God," he gasps, because he really is a bad Jew, and it's louder than he'd intended. He hears Kurt give a little giggle beside him, and that's enough to pull him back to reality.
He lets go of Finn's dick and Finn just as quickly pulls his hand away from Puck's leg, as if he's been suddenly burnt by the contact. Puck pushes Kurt's hand away from his lap and wipes off his hand as he redoes his towel. He keeps his eyes firmly shut because he really, really does not want to see anyone else come.
He hums to himself, something they'd sung in Glee the previous week, to block out both the noises around him and his thoughts, because he really doesn't want to analyse any of this too much. But it doesn't take long for the room to fall mostly silent and Puck hears Erickson clear his throat.
"Uh, everyone done?" he asks, voice shaky.
There's a general low murmur and then everyone is opening their eyes and getting to their feet. No one meets anyone else's gaze.
"Remember, the first rule of fight club," Erickson tells them as they all start to get dressed and make their way from the locker room as quickly as possible. Puck wants to remind everyone that the new first rule of fight club is that if anyone says anything he will beat them to a bloody pulp and leave them in a ditch somewhere, but he really doesn't want to talk to any of his team right now, and he definitely doesn't want any of them to look at him.
Puck can still smell jasmine and lotus and it's kinda weirding him out so he heads back towards the showers. He passes Kurt, who looks dreamy, like the mention of fight club is making him want to monologue about how hot Brad Pitt is or something, but he smirks at Puck as he passes.
"What?" Puck demands.
"Nothing," Kurt replies with a shrug, but he's still smirking.
"Don't go thinking it had anything to do with you," Puck tells him, which is completely true. Then, in case Kurt had opened his eyes and seen Finn's hand, he quickly adds, "I was thinking about Santana. I'm not fucking gay like everyone else in here."
Kurt looks sceptical, like Puck's protesting too much. So Puck shuts up and gives him a warning glance, almost daring him to say anything, and goes into the showers. He's lathered up and the scent of the moisturiser is almost completely gone when he hears someone clear their throat behind him.
Puck dips his head under the spray to rinse the soap from his face, then turns to see Finn standing off to the side, fully dressed and looking uncomfortable. His hands are shoved in his pockets and his shoulders are hunched.
"Sorry," he says, nodding at the faint red marks on Puck's thigh. They don't really hurt, although they sting a little when the soap hits them, but Puck doesn't care.
He stares at Finn until Finn realises he's looking at Puck's naked body and turns away, cheeks colouring.
"Sorry," Finn says again hastily. "I wasn't-"
"I know," Puck interrupts. "Me too. Sorry I mean. For, uh, sucking at favours." He winces at the word `sucking' and hopes Erickson isn't nearby because it'll probably give him ideas for their next gay team bonding moment.
"It's okay," Finn shrugs, as Puck shuts off the water and reaches for a clean towel.
"Look," Finn starts, chancing a look in Puck's direction and looking relieved that he's covered.
Puck shakes his head, cutting him off before he can say anything.
"We are not talking about this, dude," he insists. That's just too fucking weird. Finn might be the kind of sensitive guy that makes all the girls sigh and bat their eyelashes at him wistfully, but Puck isn't and he's not going to have a heart to heart about a circle jerk with his best friend.
"Cool." Finn sounds relieved and follows Puck out to the lockers.