Aidan stood rooted to the spot his feet had found by Mason, his hands still holding Mason's arms. "Me? What do you mean it's me?" Mason's small form trembled and shook uncontrollably beneath Aidan's grasp. He'd begun to weep in earnest, and during the seconds Aidan had taken to attempt to grasp his meaning Mason's hands had begun to push against Aidan's chest to separate them. And as Aidan surveyed his distraught friend a terrible truth suddenly dawned on him.
"Oh my god!..........you......you mean me? As in.......me?" Mason didn't attempt to answer, merely shaking his head in response as he attempted to turn himself from Aidan's gaze. His tears had turned to sobs. It seemed he was pushing with all his strength to free himself from Aidan's grip. In all their years of friendship Aidan had never seen his best friend so distraught. And as Aidan surveyed his friend's anguish and humiliation he wasn't sure if his heart ached more for the fact that Mason had admitted the unrequited love he held for him or the humiliation Mason felt for admitting it. But he couldn't tell Mason that he loved him in return! At least not in the way Mason was admitting. He loved Mason with all his heart, but as a friend only. He'd never even remotely considered the prospect of something between them.
Not knowing what else to do Aidan overpowered Mason and pulled him into an embrace. Even as he held him Aidan feared Mason would get the wrong impression by this act of compassion. But this was his best friend! Even if he didn't understand the cause of the pain, when Mason's heart broke Aidan hurt as well. So knowing no words or actions that could ease Mason's pain or humiliation Aidan simply held him. He didn't attempt to offer any words of wisdom or comfort. Hell, he didn't have any! What words could possibly make this situation better?
===============================================================================
Mason allowed himself to be held in place by Aidan's firm grasp. Even as their bodies touched he knew he should be anywhere but so close to Aidan. With one simple admission that he'd held within himself for several years he'd just pulled the rug from beneath their friendship. Even now the strong hand that rubbed his back felt awkward. This was wrong. With just one fleeting glance he'd seen his answer in Aidan's eye. Aidan didn't love him; not in that way. Why, why hadn't he simply kept his mouth shut?
After what seemed an uncomfortable eternity Aidan relaxed his grasp and Mason seized his opportunity. With one swift movement he shoved with all his strength and slithered from beneath Aidan's muscular arms to free himself at last. His voice shook as he all but ran from Aidan's reach. "I have to go." But the quite voice that followed so surprised him that he stopped mid-step in his race to his car. "Mason don't you think we need to talk about this?" And his heart ached all the more. When he'd seen Aidan's reaction he'd expected him to be angry or disgusted. He'd not expected consideration.
Summoning every ounce of self-control he possessed Mason forced himself to turn and meet the blue eyes that were locked onto his own face. "Aidan I saw the answer in your eyes." He held up a hand to stop his friend's protests before continuing. "No, don't deny it. I saw the look in your eyes when you realized what I was talking about. I've clearly made you uncomfortable. I never should've ask you here." But as he turned to his car the soft voice returned................... "I'm not angry, you know. I may not understand, but I'm not angry. If you're going to drop something like this on me, you could at least give me a little bit of an explanation. I give you my word I'd listen until you'd finished before saying anything."
===============================================================================
Something Aidan had said had clearly surprised Mason. Though his hand had grasped the door handle of his car he stood completely still. It was clear that, however Mason had assumed Aidan would react to his admission, his attempt at a calm and considerate response had not been part of his expectation. "Mason?" Several seconds passed by before Mason turned to face him. "Aidan I don't think I can do this; not now at least. I.....I've clearly made us both very uncomfortable by telling you this. I can't even begin to tell you how embarrassed I've made myself feel. I think it's better if I just leave." But for all his love for his friend Aidan felt himself growing impatient with Mason. How dare he drop something like this on Aidan and then attempt to simply waltz away!
"All right then, go! Walk away after dropping this fucking bombshell on me! If you want the honest truth, then yes, I'm uncomfortable. It isn't so much that I'm offended or annoyed with what you've told me. But it pisses me off to no end that you tell me you love me, yet somehow you can't find the guts to tell me just what it is, or even why it is, you think you love me!" He stood stunned at his own words. He felt sick the instant they'd escaped his mouth. Never, ever had he spoken to Mason in such a manner before! And judging by the look of sheer horror that had formed on Mason's face he was even more shaken by Aidan's words.
===============================================================================
Mason's heart felt as though it had stopped beating. Neither he nor Aidan, even during their most heated disagreements, had ever spoken to the other with such words before! His heart couldn't seem to latch onto one emotion long enough to decide how he truly felt. Pain, shock, resentment, anger; his mind swirled and reeled as it attempted to grasp the harsh words Aidan had just spoken to him. But try as he might to truly be angry with Aidan he knew that Aidan was right. He was being a coward. How would he, Mason, have felt if someone had admitted having feelings for him one moment, only to attempt to run away the next? And though his stomach churned uncontrollably he knew what had to be done.
"All right Aidan. You're right. Now that I've told you how I feel, I at least owe you the whole story."
===============================================================================
Angry as he'd been with Mason mere seconds before, Aidan was amazed to find himself suddenly wanting once again to take his friend into a comforting embrace as he watched Mason's pained expression. It was clear that, for all the resignation Mason held as he closed the distance between them and sat upon the rocky ledge, he would've rather been anywhere else in the world, and with anyone else in the world, than to face Aidan now as he'd promised he would.
For a long time they sat on the rocky ledge in silence, staring out across the golden and crimson hues that filled the valley below them. Aidan sadly realized that, had this been any other autumn they'd viewed Mother Nature in her resplendent autumn glory, they would've enjoyed the scene before them. But somehow the breathtaking view of the ancient mountains now seemed marred by this newfound awkwardness that had raised its ugly head between them. And it pained his heart as the terrible unspoken truth became evident. He and Mason had reached a crossroads in their relationship, a crossroads that, starting from this very conversation, would prove to either strengthen or break their love for each other.
===============================================================================
Mason sat in silence, surveying the rugged landscape before them. It was a terrible irony that, for all the beauty spread before them, the ache in his heart somehow seemed to dull his senses to the vivid glory within the valley below. He found himself still shaking slightly at the prospect of what he was about to discuss with Aidan. How many times he'd dreamed of flinging caution to the wind and revealing his true feelings for Aidan. Yet as he sat upon the cusp of doing just that he now felt a terror he'd never felt before. But though his mouth stumbled and stammered over the words he chose he willed himself to speak.
"First of all I want to apologize again. I've clearly made us both very uncomfortable. I understand your wanting to know the truth, and I respect that. But seeing the look on your face that I now see, I'd carry my feelings to the grave if I could somehow change what's just happened between us. But I see now that isn't possible, so all I ask is that you hear me out."
"I can't tell you the exact day, or even the exact year I realized I held feelings for you. All I can tell you is that it's been for several years now. I think I knew even as a teenager. I was simply too much of a coward to tell you. You wanted to know what it was that I loved about you. The honest answer is everything. I've always found you attractive. You're beautiful. But you're so much more. You have the biggest heart I've ever known. You're caring and sensitive. You're understanding. Even when I told you I was gay you never allowed that to change our friendship. I could go on and on about the things I love about you."
"I suppose you were right when you said I didn't have the guts to face you. I've felt this way about you for years now, yet I just couldn't bring myself to tell you the truth. Honestly, I would've never told you today, had it not been for........."
Mason stopped short of telling Aidan about his conversation with Aidan's mother earlier. He wasn't sure why he chose to withhold this bit of information, yet something in his heart told him now wasn't the time. Betty Jo McManus had been the closest thing to a mother he'd ever known. He couldn't bring himself to betray her against her own son.
"I would've never told you today, had it not been for another good friend telling me I should be honest with you before it was too late. They somehow believed that, were I honest with you, you might take my feelings into consideration before your wedding to Meagan. I should've known that `too late' was never the issue. There simply never was a chance. I realize that now, too late as it may be. I want you to know that I am truly sorry for making things awkward between us. I will understand if you need to back away for a while, or even if you feel it best if we no longer see each other at all."
===============================================================================
Mason's brown eyes bore into Aidan's blue for one final gaze before turning to stare into the distance. "You asked me to be honest with you. That's about all I know to tell you."
Aidan's heart ached within him. Try as he might he couldn't be angry with Mason. Hadn't he held this suspicion for some time? Now Mason had simply confirmed the truth to him. He found himself heaving a great sigh as he stared at the lovely round face of the young man by him.
"Look dude, I want you to know I appreciate you being honest with me. I know this has probably torn you up inside having to admit this to me. But I think I also need to be as honest with you and tell you that I don't look at you that way. You know I love you; you're like a brother to me. But as much as this hurts me to tell you, that's where it ends. I don't know who convinced you of the bright idea that I might go weak at the knees if you told the truth, but I'm marrying Meagan......period. I'm not saying I never want to speak to you again, because I still love you as my best friend. But I'm afraid that's all I can offer."
Slowly Mason's brown eyes rose to meet Aidan's gaze. Aidan was suddenly struck by the smile that had replaced the pain and anguish of moments ago.
"I understand. And thank you for being honest with me. I really would like for us to remain friends. I give you my word I'll never do anything to intentionally make things awkward between us. I'll leave that decision to you.............right now I think it best if I go."